The Latest Sharing

I've now reached week 13 and am finding the retreat really helpful.  It has been great as a UK nonconformist to be able to share in such a rich tradition and to have some of my inherited preconceptions exploded!

I'm slightly bemused by the frequent use of the word "graces'" and I 'm not sure what I have received in this regard.  I have been heartened by finding affirmation of some of my learnings in recent years about my relationship with God.  Better still, though, I have learnt a little more about how far I have yet to go, and it is a very long way!

Hardest for me is to let go and be less defensive in my feelings area.  I think I learnt at a very young age to protect my feelings and it is hard to unlearn it, even sometimes with those closest to me.  And I think that when at age 15 I promised my life to God I only did it with my head and not with my heart.  Now at nearly 70 I am trying to get round to finishing the job.

With regard to Week 12 there is a poem by the Welsh poet R S Thomas that I love - The Coming

And God held in his hand 
A small globe.  Look, he said.
The son looked.  Far off,
As through water, he saw
A scorched land of fierce
Colour.  The light burned
There:  crusted buildings
Cast their shadows;  a bright
Serpent, a river
Uncoiled itself, radiant
With slime.
                     On a bare
Hill a bare tree saddened
The sky.  Many people
Held out their thin arms
To it, as though waiting
For a vanished April
To return to its crossed 
Boughs.  The son watched
Them.  Let me go there, he said
-Colin, Bristol, UK

Week 23: Jesus Heals
Luke 4:31-37
People were amazed about Jesus’ teaching because it had authority. Lord, help me to live in connection with you so my words also have authority. The demon knew Jesus and had to follow his simple command and leave the person. Even though the demon told people who Jesus was – “the Holy One of God” – Jesus told him to be quiet. He didn’t want and need the confirmation of demons. The people who saw this recognized Jesus’ authority and power over evil spirits which obviously wasn’t so common at that time. Africans and Asians have told me how “easily” they drive out evil spirits in Jesus’ name. I want to be ready to do that, too, if I get faced with it.
Luke 5:12-15
Leprosy – an un-curable disease at that time. It meant being a social outcast as leprosy was contagious and the person was considered unclean. People didn’t come close to or touch such a person. What a stigma! Added to the physical discomfort it must have been emotionally painful and lonely.
The leper had faith that Jesus could cure him, but he left it up to Jesus whether he wanted to. Jesus responded immediately. He didn’t just cure the man with words, but dared to touch him. This must have meant a lot to the leper. Humanly speaking Jesus risked catching leprosy, too, but he was under the power of God. Not only evil spirits, but also diseases had to leave people when Jesus commanded them to. This shows that Jesus’ words have power. I want to have faith that Jesus can still heal sick people when I pray for them – if he wants to. 
Why did Jesus ask the leper not to tell anyone? Was it because the cleansing had to be confirmed by the priest first? Or because there were so many lepers around and crowds of people would have approached Jesus for healing (which they did anyway)? The news spread despite Jesus’ request and the crowds came to see him …
Luke 5:17-28
“The power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick.” This tells me that Jesus might not always have been able to heal the sick, but only when God’s power was available to him in a special way. He probably felt it then. There are times when I feel closer to God. Lord, help me to know when it’s time to step out in faith, pray for others or do whatever you want me to do!
I’m impressed about the men who brought their paralytic friend to Jesus. They loved and cared for this man – true friends. They didn’t give up when they faced obstacles, the crowd around Jesus, but found a creative way to solve the problem and let the man into the room through the roof. I wonder why they didn’t wait outside until Jesus finished teaching and then approached him after he left the house? Maybe they felt such an urgency for their friend to be healed. Jesus forgave the man’s sins and healed him because of his friends’ faith. The text doesn’t talk about his faith, but their faith. This shows that whenever somebody has given up hope, others can still carry him, believe for him and bring him to Jesus. Lord, help me be such a person of faith who brings others who can’t believe for themselves anymore to you.
(to read this sharing in its entirety go to week 23)

Week 2: I am really struck by the thoughts this week.  For almost 2 years I am taking a slow difficult road to overcoming panic disorder with agoraphobia.  This retreat comes at a good time while I undergo counseling/therapy in order to address underlying patterns of thinking that allows panic disorder to thrive.
The therapy guides me to surface various issues and events in the past that have contributed to my way of thinking.  The insights in the retreat allow me to see how God works even in this difficult time to mold me into someone kinder, gentler and more loving... even as I struggle I feel His hand guiding me and I feel less alone and so very thankful.
For the last decade, I have also struggled with my relationship with God.  I am in a relationship which is far from ideal and although I continued to go to mass, I felt constantly wracked with guilt and fear.  I could not take communion and struggled to confess feeling I was a hypocrite.  Having panic disorder left me no choice to "cling to the Lord" and in so doing I found renewal in my relationship with Him.  That's why these lines from the readings so meaningful.

Greetings all,
I get so much out of "reading the sharing" that I felt compelled to share a grace that I recently received. We had an upset in our family, between two family members, which cut very deep. I prayed to God to assist in us finding a resolution, and was guided to part of the website that I don't normally visit and there found a reflection on the Holy Family. This reflection struck a real chord with me, such that I printed it out and left it, with a covering note, for my family to read. Whether it was that reflection or simply God answering my prayers, but the situation is hugely improved, still a little way to go, but well on the road to recovery.
Thank you Lord.
God bless all.

Week 1: It's day 1 for me on this retreat and I pray the Lord will show me till the end of this retreat how my life is at His palm. As I start to think about my growing up years, I can't help but thank the Lord for giving me my parents who were there to teach me. As I was seeking my own identity in school, I thought I could get this from school politics and academics. But I realized now, these extra medals we earned while in school will just fade in later life.  What is important is how we learned to love God personally and know Him by heart. That saved me from the self-destruction and I guess I am happier now that I know the Lord was there molding me even before I was born.

I started Week 8 late last week, so I decided to stay on Week 8 through the end of this week. Over the holidays I had lost track of the retreat. Now in picking it up again, I have the challenge of being completely distracted during prayer. When that happens, I try to remember to ask God to help me focus. Then I have a list of things I do in order. I printed up several of the prayers and say them all. I especially love the prayers, "Soul of Christ Sanctify Me", and "Unlock the Door of my Heart."
I desperately need those prayers. I pray for my heart to open. Because of some medication I am on that causes a dulling effect (I'm going to ask if it can be changed) and also for other reasons, my heart feels blocked. If those reading this are moved to pray for me, please do. 
Thank you.
After praying the prayers, I have some minutes of silence, and then I read the readings, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal what if anything He wants to give me.
I sometimes receive a gift when I'm reading these scriptures. When I began a four year Bible study for lay Catholics in Denver, the teacher told a story on opening day. She said that one night, she had been reading the Genesis story about Jacob wrestling with the angel. She went to bed, but felt she hadn't given the passage enough time, because she hadn't yet gotten "the gift". She got up and studied some more until she did get the gift. At the time I wasn't sure what she meant, but she said to us, "don't stop until you get the gift that God wants to give you."
With the scriptures this week, the Holy Spirit is giving me gifts each day. I especially received a precious one with reading in John 4 about the woman at the well.
It's so easy to read the readings we've heard for years at Mass on a surface level; our knowledge about who Jesus is renewed. A sermon focused on the reading can bring it even closer to our lives as we may realize how it applies to us.
But with this retreat and the opportunity for prayer and careful reading, sometimes the passage can be a door for the Sprit to speak to me about something deeper. I saw the woman at the well not only as a sinner who was amazed at Jesus' insights, and therefore converted, but a woman whose life was restored. Like me, she can't have been a young woman, and like me, had experienced many failures. What did she have, what had she done, or how had her relationships gone, to feel her life was of value? Her thoughts may have often been filled with grief over lost years and empty dreams....but then Jesus gave her something to do for Him and for His people. His loving eyes spoke of the utmost value of her life to Him. She was restored. That emptiness was filled up with His light. It was nothing like she had expected might give her comfort or relief, if she had had any expectations or hopes left.
I pray for God to open my heart and surprise me with His gifts. I need God to move down from my head and my mind to my heart. I know God can restore my life too.
-Betsy

When I clicked on this online retreat I was excited. I was looking for online guided meditation and couldn't find what I wanted. I was just about to give up and then, I found this and decided to give it a go. And then click.....BRICK WALL. The story of my life! No way. I did not want to go there. I thought to myself that this would be an immediate disaster and shut me down spiritually. But, then I told myself that if I got through this the rest would be smooth sailing. I didn't do anything about it. If a memory or thought arose that was too painful, I just wouldn't bother with it. To my surprise that just did not happen. The Holy Spirit is here and taking care of the journey. I was supposed to reach this site. I was convinced I would be awash in anger against God for the things that happened to me in my life.  I see I have been gifted with new eyes with which to view the past.  This won't kill me. I am liking this relationship with the Holy Spirit.

I read through the sharing others wrote during week One.  Almost all of them had difficult childhoods and the memories were not so good.
I too had a most difficult childhood and adolescence. To write here too many specifics may not be the right thing to do. I will only say th
at people end up here seeking to be healed.So, I pray for OUR healing. ALL of us. I read your hurts.
If I look really hard I can see where God may have been present during these times. Yet, I can't help but wonder why such trials at such an early age in the first place? After all, I was a boy. A very young boy and a naive and confused adolescent. The pains of my sexual identity to this day are often over bearing.  I didn't choose to be gay. The church when growing up turned it's back to me. It was silent ! Who was I to tell? Even today it says my being gay is an inherit evil. That I am cursed with some kind of inherit disorder. So, everything stems from that. So, I will continue with the retreat and see where it leads me. 
Is my pain any more or less than anyone else here? No, it is just hurt. It needs to be healed. So I continue to try to do that. This retreat does address some of this healing very well. Pray for me as I will Pray for all who participate in this retreat. 
The word "RETREAT"  has  sort of a deeper meaning to me..........How often I felt God has retreated from me even as a young boy as I cried out , "WHY?"
As I read the others sharing here I heard a lot of cries of why? I pray you get the answer.......or  a glimpse of an answer. Maybe the answer never comes.
Jesus cried from the cross why? So, maybe who am I? Am I his brother? Can we cry why together? Will Mary touch my heart and whisper why?
I JUST DON"T KNOW !?
Sorry for my dismal nature of this week one summary. It just is my feelings.
Peace.....  May we all find healing in this New Year 2010..

Week 21: Jesus calls others to join him
Mark 1:16-20; Matthew 9:9-13
As far as I know, at the time when Jesus lived it was common for a person to choose the Rabbi they wanted to learn from. The Rabbi could decide whether they accepted that person as a disciple or not. Jesus was different. He was the one who chose his disciples. Was that maybe one of the reasons why they followed him immediately and didn’t hesitate to leave everything behind? Or had they already heard quite a bit about Jesus’ deeds and teaching before that? It’s quite amazing that they just left their fishing boats and nets and followed him. It must have been a special, unusual honor to be called by a Rabbi.
Jesus chose simple, uneducated working people like fishermen and despised people like tax collectors. Was that unusual? What kind of people usually studied with a Rabbi? Obviously “righteous” people, but Jesus came to call sinners - people who are not good enough in other people’s eyes.
Luke 5:1-11
The amazing catch of fish showed Simon who he was – a sinful man – and who Jesus was – a person from God. Jesus used the example of Simon’s profession: instead of fish Simon would catch people. Simon was willing to change his job from catching fish to people. This reminds me that I quit my work at the bank a few years ago to go into missions and put my “savings” into the eternal bank of heaven. I haven’t regretted it!
John 1:35-42
John the Baptist pointed his disciples toward Jesus and didn’t keep them to himself. Andrew took his brother Simon to Jesus and introduced him to the Messiah. I also want to be a person who points and takes others to Jesus.
Mark 3:13-19; Luke 9:1-6
Jesus appointed his disciples. Appointed – the verse came to my mind that was given to me years ago regarding my calling to missions: “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last.” (John 15:16)
It wasn’t my own idea to go into missions, but God’s calling. The purpose of being appointed is to bring lasting fruit.
Jesus sent his disciples out to preach and heal the sick, and gave them the authority to drive out demons. Many people must have been demon-possessed at that time as this is especially mentioned. Truth and power encounter! From my background I only know the preaching part, but in Asia demons are also more common. I haven’t driven out any demons yet. Lord, give me faith in you and in the authority you give your followers to drive out demons in your name if I ever get into that situation!
Why should the disciples not take anything on their journey? Was it common hospitality at that time to host travelers? Nowadays everyone takes their own stuff that they need along (For the full sharing, please see Week 21)

Week 4: This, for me is where the journey begins.  I feel as if I am drowning, and there is no pool edge to hang on to.  I picture all the people I know in the picture outside the pool, at the edge reaching out, but no one can save me.  They are all trying, but they too are being tugged at by other people, children, dogs, family, anvils.  Heavy items attached to weaker one.  I know no one can save me of this world.  There are so many at the water's edge, but they weren't what I was looking for.  I need great help than being saved, I need to know how to chart and traverse the waters.  This chapter I will carefully reflect upon, as I take it slowly, and get to the shallow end with God's help.

Week 14: I find myself opening and accepting more love each day through this retreat. Week 14, Christmas week, saw the Story of the Nativity was on TV.  This two hour movie which reflected on the humanity of Joseph and Mary, as well as Elizabeth and other family members.  It made the reflections of the week so very real as I prayed on their life, fears and beautiful faith and acceptance throughout the week.

  SHARING,  of an  aged alumnus of St. Peter's College, Jersey City, NJ.  I have been attending weekly group  meetings of  Retreat in the Real World since September.  This is our  fifteenth week, " We Experience His Birth For Us."  We are on our own this week and next, for the holiday recess.  
     This week of Christmas, I have been blessed  with  unusual insights and feelings regarding  the  simple faith that I had in early childhood.  My first joyous faith experience was when my mom first related to me the poignant story of the Nativity.   I was extra attentibve  when I  heard it  again later in church, and from Dominican sisters, in parochial school, first grade.   I was a glad ) extra vocal) member of the childrens' Christmasc choir there.  My early childhood faith was  glorious--- so simple and so joyful, , as I see it now, in the new context of the Retreat.   Fpr tje forst time, I see the connection between  Jesus" teaching regarding the need for childlike faith, and my own concrete early childhood experiences. Praise God.
     There is so much  more that adults may  learn from children than they may realize.
--Vincent.

This week as I was thinking about Christmas and all the things we do to celebrate it, there was a certain joy that came over me.  So many times when we go to pray we worry about how we are praying.  Am I sitting up?  Am I doing 20 minutes of centering prayer?  When I went to pray, there was a joy that came to me because I was sitting down to be with God.  He is present with me at all times and that gave me a good feeling--joy-- whatever you want to call it.  If we look for Him, God is with us not just on Christmas but at all times.
--Harry

Mark 1:12-13; Matthew 4:1-11; Luke 4:1-13
Why did the Holy Spirit deliberately lead Jesus to the desert in order to be tempted by Satan, right after Jesus’ baptism? Why did he lead him to a place where he met his enemy, Satan? I don’t quite understand. Jesus could have started his public ministry right away, teaching, preaching, and healing people. It almost seems a bit like a waste of time to spend 40 days in the desert. But God obviously thinks differently. Moses had spent years in the wilderness to get prepared for his public ministry. So not only the baptism, but also Satan’s temptation must have been a preparation for Jesus’ ministry. The fact that Jesus didn’t give in and managed these temptations victoriously showed that he was spiritually strong. God had also given Satan the permission to tempt Job. Through all his suffering Job proved to be faultless in his character.
Satan tempted Jesus in areas where he was vulnerable. Certainly he was very hungry after 40 days of fasting and would have liked to eat something. Jesus was very clever and wise in the way he responded to Satan. He replied using the word of God, which has power. This shows that it’s important to have God’s word in my heart and mind so I can use it when I need it. Satan is so deceiving; he can even quote God’s word, but turns the meaning around. God’s word can be badly misused when it’s taken out of context. One needs to see the meaning in its original context. Jesus replied with another verse from Scripture. He worshipped only God. Don’t submit to any other powers! The world belongs to God, Jesus’ father anyway, so his father is rich. Power and riches are common temptations for leaders.
“If you are the Son of God” – it sounds very tempting for Jesus to just do what Satan tells him to do and thereby prove that he really is God’s Son. Jesus would have had the power to do what Satan said, but he chose not to submit to Satan, but only to his Father, God. Jesus knew exactly who he was and didn’t need to prove his son-ship. God had just told him at the baptism that he was His Beloved.
When Jesus commanded Satan to go, he left. Satan had to submit to Jesus’ power as God is stronger, the Almighty. After Satan had left him, angels came and served Jesus – God’s messengers. It sounds like a confirmation and celebration of victory. Jesus probably came out of this temptation as a stronger person, being certain in his identity.
This is a good reminder that I should just tell Satan to leave in Jesus’ name when I’m tempted. I’m sometimes tempted in my thoughts, troubled by negative thinking or wanting to be accepted and loved by others. Temptation sometimes seems attractive and at times I give in to these thoughts instead of rejecting them. Lord, help me to determine whose voice it is I’m listening to. I want to listen to your voice only. Help me to reject Satan’s voice and not give in to or play with temptation.
My motives for doing good things for others are not always pure. Sometimes it’s partly because I want to be appreciated and accepted by others. Lord, help me to be certain in who I am – your Beloved, so I don’t need to prove myself.
This wasn’t the only time Jesus was tempted by Satan. Jesus always walked out of temptations victoriously and never sinned. Lord, help me not to give in and follow my own desires, but reject Satan’s false invitations and promises, put you first and follow and worship you only.

I have been reading and thinking and praying about the way of Saint Ignatius for about six months and have decided that I would like to follow your guided 'online retreat'.
So far I am quite surprised to find that I am not only discovering who God is ... but I am discovering who I am. I never expected that.
For many years I have struggled with chronic depression and anxiety which has often incapacitated me for long episodes. Learning to look for and to see God in all things has very much helped me not to get so immersed in and stressed by circumstances and experiences ... resulting in a measurable improvement in my health.

Advent week 2: "I am here with you in the stillness."  So says the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and me.  This time of waiting is full of mystery and suspense.  What will God bring into my life next?  What changes await us?  I know S/He will be there through the peaceful and the tumultuous times as S/He has been throughout each phase of my life.  The veil between us is thin and shimmery; sometimes I can almost glimpse Her.  At other times the veil is thick, dark and impenetrable.  It has been like that at this time of year for me ever since my husband died December 16th.  And yet, now, after 9 years, this season is becoming less of a dark burden.  The veil is becoming gossamer-like once again, allowing me to catch glimpses of Her, abiding there supporting me in the stillness. I believe She has been there all along.

This is week 15 for me.  Today I was completely at peace.  The feeling was wonderful.  The busyness around me, I remained calm and quiet.  I spoke gently to those around me. I almost felt like I was floating on a cloud. This Advent season is the first time I made appoint to embark, with my husband and children, on the true meaning  this season has to offer.  I feel so blessed to be part of this retreat.

Week 22: Jesus shares his message
Luke 4:14-21
Jesus’ mission was to help the needy, poor, sick and oppressed. The rich and healthy didn’t need a helper and saviour. Many Pharisees and religious leaders also thought that they didn’t need him. According to this passage to preach good news to the poor needs the anointing of God’s Spirit; people can’t do it by themselves. Jesus preached, set prisoners free, made the blind see and released the oppressed. God wants to heal people and set them free from bondages – physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Also today God wants his followers to be there for the sick, needy, suffering and oppressed. There is so much sickness, suffering, oppression and injustice in this world. It needs the anointing of the Holy Spirit to fulfill Jesus’ mission. We can’t do it in our own strength. Lord, empower me by your Spirit to be a healing channel for the needy.
Matthew 5:1-16
The values in God’s kingdom are different from the values of the kingdoms in this world. The “upside-down” kingdom of God … In this world the rich, healthy, highly educated and successful people are considered to be lucky. In God’s kingdom it’s the other way round. Those who mourn and suffer, feel poor inside and hunger for God are considered to be blessed, as God will meet their needs.
Soup without salt tastes bland. Jesus’ followers are meant to be the salt in the soup of this world. Jesus said: “I am the light of the world.” (John 8:12) As he enlightens the lives of his followers, his light shines through them so they become a light in the darkness.
Somewhere else Jesus said that we shouldn’t show off with our good deeds and prayers, but do them quietly. Here we are encouraged not to hide our light. The purpose of letting our light shine is not to receive praise ourselves, but to point people to God.
Matthew 13:44-46
The people in this passage risked to “put all their eggs in one basket” as they were convinced that they had found the treasure of a lifetime. It was worth to invest absolutely everything they had.
I don’t think I always see the treasure of God’s kingdom to the extent that everything else seems worth nothing compared to it. Lord, help me see the real value of your kingdom so I’ll gladly “put all eggs in one basket”.
Luke 6:46-49
“Don’t build your house on a sandy land … build it on a solid rock …” (song)
It’s so important to have a good, strong foundation. As trees that have deep roots, so houses that are built on a solid foundation can stand firm in a storm.
Following God’s word means to build my life on rock, a solid foundation. When the storms of life come, I will still be able to stand. “Thank you, Lord, for providing a solid foundation for life through your word. It is so sad to see people’s lives crash when there could be hope. There are so many social problems that could be avoided if people followed the guidelines given in your word. Lord, let more people get convinced about the importance of a strong foundation for their lives.”
Matthew 25:31-46
This passage really made me think again. It is a call to social action and shows that it is important to help the needy. There are so many poor and needy people around. I sometimes help a bit individually, but not on a larger scale. There is so much more that I could do. This passage makes me question: Are there people who I should help and support, but have overlooked? Show me, Lord, give me open eyes!
The righteous in this passage were not aware that they did a service to Jesus. They just met the needs of people around them. When I do something good for others, Jesus sees it as if I do it for him! He identifies himself with the poor and needy and really has a heart for them. Help me to be aware, Lord that you see what I do for others as if I do it for you!
John 15:1-7
A branch can’t exist on its own, it gets its juice and life from the vine. Only when I stay connected with Jesus, the vine, will I stay alive. There is no use leaving withered branches on the vine. Pruning is necessary for the vine as it stimulates growth and cuts off every part that is useless. Pruning is painful at first, it leaves a wound, but then it causes growth. I don’t want to carry useless parts around with me, but want to have them cut off so my life can be effective and truly fruitful. Pruning can happen through difficult life circumstances, problems in relationships with people, etc. I don’t really like it as it’s uncomfortable, but without it I would grow less. I want to accept the challenges as opportunities for personal and spiritual growth.
God’s word cleanses. In order to remain in Jesus, I need to remain in the word, i.e. continue to meditate on it and let it influence my thoughts. Lord, help me to remain in you so my life can bear fruit for you.
It is a great promise that my prayers will be answered if I stay connected with Jesus, give his words room in my heart and pray according to his will. The purpose of bringing much fruit is to glorify God.