Daily Reflection
February 3rd, 2000
Lori Spanbauer
Faith Development
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1 Kings 2:1-4, 10-12
1 Chronicles 29:10-12
Mark 6:7-13

I often think that God is very hard to get.  Sometimes God keeps silent when we desperately need to hear his voice, and sometimes God tells us what we don't want to hear.  Often, the mystery of God is his most prominent quality.  Today's readings are an exception to the mystery.  Both readings are pretty straightforward, even specific.  I sometimes think, "If God would just tell me what to do, I would do it!"  Would I?  God is pretty clear today and yet there is still a grain of distrust that creeps into my soul when I hear these words. 

How faithful would I have been in Solomon's position?  Do I remain faithful to God with my whole heart and my whole soul all the time?  How many more questions would I have asked Jesus if I had been one of the Twelve? 
"But, how will we eat?" 
"Are you saying that we will be provided for?  Are you sure?"
"You know, it's possible that we won't sleep for days."

When I catch myself doubting and questioning God, especially that he loves me enough to care and provide for me, I am reminded of all of the times and ways that God has seen me through times of difficulty and need.  I remember all of the times that God answered my prayers and sometimes answered them beyond my imaginings.  I can't count the number of times that I've been totally astonished at God's loving kindness and at the reaffirmation of his presence, hearing my every prayer.  Perhaps Solomon and the Twelve had similar experiences of God that enabled them to trust enough to do as he asked.

I want to be like Solomon and the Twelve.  I want to obediently follow the directives of God with trust and certainty in God's promise.  Saint Ignatius of Loyola gives us beautiful words in the Spiritual Exercises (paraphrased here):  I ask the Lord that I may be able to hear Jesus the King when he calls and that I may be ready and willing to do what he asks.  I beg further that my experience of his love will become more intense and my union with his saving mission will be daily more intimate. 

Amen.  When I say that God plays hard to get, maybe it's just me.

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