My life is a little hectic.  My husband and I both work, our kids are in high school and each day of our family calendar is filled in with games, school meetings, and what feels like a dozen other events.  I’m a very busy person.

How do I pull it together?  I have a computer, voice mail, e-mail, a Palm handheld computer and calendars at home and the office.  And then I read the line in today’s gospel which always both annoys and haunts me: “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and upset about many things.”  I can picture myself on the scene in that gospel, sticking my head out of the kitchen into the living room, grousing at Jesus because Mary isn’t helping out.  He turns and looks at me so lovingly and says, “Maureen, Maureen, why are you busy about so many things?”

Why does that hit so close to home?  I want to make Jesus understand my life.  If I don’t do these things, who will?  Aren’t I serving God by being so busy, by caring for my family, by running all these errands?  I want to argue with God about this because I suspect God doesn’t really understand.

I look at the paragraphs I have just written and I feel out of breath and rushed.  And then I read Psalm 139.  “O Lord, you have probed me and you know me … you understand my thoughts from afar.  My journeys and my rest you scrutinize, with all my ways you are familiar.” 

Now I can pray.  My breath slows down and I remember what is important.  Yes, doing all of my “things” I do is a way of serving God, but only if I do it with some sense of peace.  I need to jump off my dizzy merry-go-round sometimes and step back to feel God’s incredible love for me. 

“Truly, you have formed my innermost being,” the Psalm today says.  “My soul you also know full well…”  I can lean back in prayer with my head on Jesus’ shoulder, close my eyes and simply let go.  None of it is important.  Breathe deeply.  God loves me, knows me, even in my busyness. 

Loving Jesus, help me to take the time to put down my lists, to walk away from my computer and calendars and to let myself feel your deep warming love for me.  It is only when I can believe in your love, that I can really become most authentically, what you have created me to be.  Help me to remember not to put that on my To Do list, but to live it.