�We must obey God rather than any human authority.�
          Acts 5:29

Obedience� not an easy term for me.  Indeed, when obedience is asked of me, strong resistance emerges in me.  The term evokes a strong sense of rebellion.  Something deep inside me responds with a passionate, almost immediate, �No!�

Yet, in today�s reading from Acts, we find the Apostles defying the Sanhedrin�actively drawing strength from and taking on the mantle of obedience to God�s will, even when obedience opens them to Sanhedrin wrath.  For the Apostles, obedience seems an expression of inner truth�a truth that must be lived out, even in the face of probable death.  From them, obedience evokes a passionate, �Yes!�

Whoa!  That contrast between my reaction and that of the Apostles is enormous.  Why?  What is it about being asked to obey that brings such different responses?  

For me, the term �obedience� conjures up a host of images�none of them positive.  I see myself being subject to� power over � oppression� subjugation� dominance� control� and, conversely, I feel myself being asked to experience� powerlessness� loss of control� invisibility� loss of self� silencing.  In essence, I hear the word obedience as requiring an abdication of who I am.  Is it any wonder that I respond as I do?  And, yet, I cannot remember a time when I did not find the term �obedience� evoking such a response in me.

Surely, obedience to God�s will�the obedience that gave the Apostles such strength and conviction�is not the same.  What am I missing?

As I have pondered this scripture, I have listened deeply for the voice of the Spirit, trying to open my heart to hear the wisdom I am to take into myself.  And, as I did so, I began to see that my response to the word obedience is based in an understanding of God as �out there���up there��standing in judgment of everything I do and my inevitably falling short.

But, is that really my�our�relationship with God?  I used to think so, but I no longer do.  Those are the images of my childhood.  As the years have passed, I have learned�and continue to learn and re-learn�that my life and work exist only in relationship to God, a relationship of Love.  God is not �out there��God is here, within my heart, in the touch and love of others.  God is with me in every moment of every day.  God is not �up there��God is the very ground of my being.  And, if I �allow it,� my relationship with God is an incredible journey of Love.

From that standpoint, I think, obedience is not about God�s power over me, but rather my acknowledging the ground of my being and opening myself to allowing God�s power and love to flow through me.  In that sense, obedience is an active living into all that I was created to be�an authentic, emphatic, �Yes!!�  Can I�like the Apostles�stand on that promise?  I pray it may be so.