Some Pharisees and Herodians were sent to Jesus to ensnare him in his speech�
                                                                                                                                               Mark 12:13

So they gathered around him, smiling slyly without looking directly at him, with false sincerity, flattering him, and laying a trap for him.   I watch as he looks at them, knowing exactly what they are doing, sad, annoyed and loving them all at the same time.  Angrily, he challenges them, �Why are you testing me?� and then silences them in a few words. 

Those people weren�t looking for answers when they asked the questions; they wanted to trick him into another answer � their answer.  They weren�t looking into his eyes and asking for help or guidance.  They only wanted to confirm what they already knew and believed. I know their game, the Pharisees and the Herodians, because I play it myself with God. 

Come on, God, I hear myself wheedle.  Can�t I have what I want and still serve you?  I don�t have to really follow your teachings, do I?  Isn�t it enough to be able to quote you, to admire others who serve you better, to be impressed by those who devote their life to you? 

I shift uncomfortably when I hear Jesus is asking me to love my enemy.  I want to negotiate with Jesus instead.  If I don�t injure my enemy, surely you don�t mean I have to stop talking and gossiping about him, right? 

I find myself sharing the same space with the Pharisees and Herodians, verbally debating with Jesus, trying to trap him into an answer I want, waiting for God to come around to my way of thinking.

Again I look into those gentle eyes, so filled with love and compassion for my weaknesses.  Well, maybe I won�t be as duplicitous as the Pharisees.  I squeeze my eyes shut again and try to convince him of how good I am, how perfect my life has become.  I find myself calculating, �spinning,� trying to deceive God into the kind of life I lead while ignoring the way he asks me to live.  At the moment I should be falling on my knees for the One who died for my sins, I find myself trying to dazzle him as I do everyone else so he won�t see who I really am.

For the thousandth time in my life, I hear him call my name, touch my shoulder so gently and feel the warmth of his hand lovingly caress the side of my face.  I know I have to give up fighting against him and lean on him instead, returning his embrace.  I feel it so deeply in my soul, his love for me, his acceptance of me for exactly who I am and his forgiveness of my many faults. 

I am lost in a swirl of gratitude and love and fear that I can�t do what he asks of my life.  But his presence reminds me that he will always be with me.  My life is in his hands � now if only I can live that way. 

Lord, as I place my life in your loving hands, let me live today with deeper trust in your love and care for me, that I might
surrender who I am more deeply to you.