In reading today’s Gospel I try to imagine the thoughts and feelings of the 12 disciples as they discussed the assignment they had been given by Jesus.  I imagine myself sitting with them or walking beside the disciples and listening to their conversation:

What does this exactly mean? Can we really do this? I can’t believe he trusts us to do this. But what if something happens to us? Why did he pick us to do this? Does he not know that we have other things to accomplish, work to do?  How can we possibly take the time to travel now?  The assignment sounds dangerous? What if we do not find shelter? What if everyone we approach refuses us? What if we fail?  What if he is disappointed in us?  Power, grace, superiority, humbleness, excitement, fear?

The human spirit is made up of a labyrinth of emotions, feelings, thoughts that lead to decisions and actions.  But I imagine one of the 12 stepping forward as a leader saying, stop it! We must stay focused, disciplined, quit overthinking, the instructions are clear.  Is that not true for our own life. Acknowledge and recognize our God given gifts, take the time to talk and listen to God, then stay focused, disciplined and follow.  Use the gifts and talents as God intended. 
I think of the many times in my own life when I have had this experience. God what should I do, are my gifts best used in this way? I am afraid and do not want this responsibility, what if I fail?  How can I make this tough decision, it hurts me and others but I can see the it is better for the whole?  Day to day decisions as well as major decisions. Staying in my chosen profession, getting married, having children, staying in my current job, guiding my children, dealing with difficult situations with family or work? 

I know that God has always been with me, I have at times ignored and not listened and ultimately my decision alone did not work out well, but when I listened, took a risk, stepped out in fear but with faith, it has been the right decision.