The Latest Sharing

Week 11: I am on week 11 and although I have thought of and even tried to share before, this is in fact my first sharing.
I have found this week both easy and difficult. It has been easy to say,"yes" to the Lord because He has been both merciful and forgiving in great measure these past weeks and I desperately long to give myself to the Lord in return. I want to empty myself and let go of all worldly possessions if that is His will for me. Here is the difficult part of the saying ," yes". Yes, I long to do these things but my husband has no such desire.
As I have prayed over my response I feel that I can say my Yes to accompany Jesus in his mission that he has from the Father by being faithful to whatever comes my way today, and I will love my spouse and children and accept the difficulties and challenges that he brings me in these relationships.
I am also feeling drawn to do something for the poor. This may seem like a great deal of Yes, but compared to all that He has given me it seems small and inadequate.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for your healing mercy. This just coincide with Bro Bo’s topic of forgiveness last Sunday..How much you really love me Lord to give me peace and really enjoy life to the full. I am really feeling it Lord..grabe..grabe talaga kayo magmahal….salamat Lord…This is how much you love me…

depth of God’s love, saying,
I not only forgive you, I promise to always be with you, so you will never be alone. You no longer need your self-serving independence. I will heal your pride. I will free you from the destructive patterns that bind you. I promise to fill your heart with my love and with gifts of peace and courage and passion for sharing my love in service to others. Throughout this week the photo can symbolize these words: “You are precious to me; I will heal you.” Our journey has shown us so much brokenness. We have celebrated the for­giveness that frees us from our sins. Now, each day this week, in those background moments, we will let ourselves listen to the promise of wholeness. It is personal and addressed to me.
Lord -- “What return can I make to the Lord, for all God’s goodness to me!” (Psalm 116:12).. What would you have me do? Ikaw na bahala Lord…I just pray for wisdom and patience and faith and trust in you! Yes you have really been with me all these years looking at the reflections I had since 2000 when I made this first retreat..grabe Lord ‘no?
Lord I believe you have even prepared greater things for me Lord. I am you child and You love me so much! Thank you  thank you Lord. So what return can I make to You Lord for all your goodness to me? My answer -- Never to worry again! Never to submit myself to the false hopes of the evil one! Never to despair! Never to FEAR! I am FREE! Free to love you Lord! To know you more, to love you more and to serve you more! Yehheeeey..thank you Lord!!! I will never be afraid to suffer, to die to myself because it is the greatest act of love that you have shown Lord!! I’m FREE!!!!!! I know my destiny is HEAVEN, nothing else!

I have been thinking about the beatitudes quite a bit (Matthew 5:1-12). Sometimes they are quoted as general guidelines for living, but from the text it is clear that Jesus addressed them specifically to the disciples, not to the crowd. I find them not so easy to understand. What does it really mean to be “poor in spirit”? To admit that one is empty and needs to be filled by God … Humility is not natural. I would rather be satisfied about what I have accomplished or because of the friends I have. I don’t need to be rich, but I wouldn’t choose complete poverty either. I’m grateful that I grew up in a country with a good standard of living and didn’t need to starve.

Usually I feel sorry for those who mourn, but here it says that they are blessed because they will experience God’s comfort. This means that my friends who lost their baby and my aunt whose husband died are considered blessed in God’s eyes as they need and can experience God’s comfort. When all goes well people don’t need to be comforted. I know that I experienced God’s help most in times when I needed to rely on him.

Not the rich, wealthy and powerful, but the meek will inherit the earth. In God’s kingdom the principles of this world are turned upside down.

Hunger for righteousness: not accepting unjust behaviour, corruption, discrimination, etc. In some countries there is no righteousness and people get treated so unjustly – e.g. during the Khmer Rouge time in Cambodia. Who stands up for those who are treated unjustly and don’t have the power to stand up for themselves? I’m so glad that God is an absolute fair judge and will judge people justly at the end of the world. Those who have experienced unjust treatment on this earth will experience that God will make things right for them.

Mercy means to give love and help to those in need. Pure in heart: who can be really pure? Only those who are cleansed by God’s forgiveness through Jesus’ death on the cross, we’re not pure ourselves. As God is pure and holy, only those who are pure can see God. Purity is like fresh snow, sparkling in the sun, there’s nothing whiter than that.

Peacemakers between two fighting parties – that’s what God likes. Since childhood I have sometimes taken on this role, starting with two of my sisters. I didn’t like it when they were upset with each other, so I talked with both of them that they would be on good terms again. I also didn’t like it when colleagues at work quarreled with each other, it spoils the atmosphere.

The last part is the most challenging. Persecution is something I’d rather avoid and here Jesus calls those who are persecuted because of their faith in him blessed. Ideally I want to be accepted and liked by people and don’t want to be insulted or humiliated. Jesus refers to the prophets who had to suffer for God’s name. The prophets in the OT had a difficult job, warning people which made them unpopular. To be compared with the prophets is an honour. Jesus doesn’t only say that we should endure persecution, but even rejoice when we’re allowed to suffer for his sake. Lord, I’m not there yet. Please change my heart so I won’t fear persecution and rejection, but will gladly be willing to accept anything for your sake.

The Beatitudes are not just nice words, but quite a challenge. I don’t completely understand them all. Lord, please mold me so I would become more the person you describe here. I can see how one becomes really free inside when one is independent from material possessions, acceptance and honour by people and just depends on God.

It is difficult sometimes to stick with something long-term, especially if the fruits do not appear immediately. I have found this retreat to be like a diet- it must be committed to long-term if it is to work.

I have been surprised (pleasantly so) at the healing that has taken place within me. It takes courage to name our sins and our sinful patterns, and naming my sinful pattern of control took place only with some degree of difficulty. I never realized, however, how liberating it would be. So often I have feared unworthiness before the Lord, and within the context of these reflections, I have come to realize that in my case, this unworthiness has to do with control. If I can feel that I have earned worthiness, then things are within my control. It took some time to admit that have not earned worthiness, can never earn it, and that I am not expected to do so. Rather, I simply need to feel that healing love of Christ and let him come into those places that I'd rather he not see, especially when, like Peter, I prefer to say, "No, you shall NEVER wash these dirty feet of mine!" Only when I let the Lord come into my heart in those places I don't want him to see can he truly heal me, can he truly guide me to see that it's ALL of me that he loves, not just the generous, loving aspects, and then if I can just trust him with my WHOLE being, he will guide me in his way, in his time. This realization has brought anew that peace within that has so often been absent in my adult life, due mostly to honorable adult commitments that can actually be a place where the Lord comes in if I let him.

I'm thankful for this journey, thankful for the peace and calm within, especially as we approach the most prayerful and joyful season of Advent. May the Lord bless and guide us all in this journey as he wraps his loving arms around us and brings us ever closer to his heart.

"Come, follow me."

That is what this week's meditation speaks to me- to follow, even if it involves some new and even (no, especially) scary places and commitments.

At 51, my journey with the Lord has been an amazing one. The journey has been as adventurous as it has been life-embracing. In every case, the Lord has called me to leave something behind-something that was comfortable and familiar- and venture out in his name. When I was a young pup at 24, that call led me from my native Ohio to Southeast Louisiana and New Orleans. Five years as a single person working with learning disabled and emotionally disturbed teenagers soon became comfy, but then another life-changing event: I met the person who would be my wife. So many anxieties: I was always able to come and go as I pleased, did the Lord's work, but typically on terms I could deal with. Now I was being asked to let go of all that security?

As usual, my "yes" response has had my joy multiplied a hundred-fold. Then the birth of triplets! Lord, are you nuts? What were you thinking when you brought these three precious girls into my life? I'm not cut out for this! And yet, somehow His Spirit guided my wife and I through it all the way.

Now as they finish their senior year, I am again asked to embrace the cross of change and let my beautiful daughters head off to college in faraway places. I know not where the road will lead me after that. I know not how I will cope with a suddenly empty house. But I do know this- the Lord who loves me, who guides me, and has called me all the days of my life will guide me through this as well. Probably I'll tell him he's nuts yet again, but probably yet again I will see that smile on his face as it all comes together and I marvel at what he has done in me and through me.

Cum Deo. With God.

I know it's early (1st week), and I can't expect to understand. I do 
understand a little of the importance of praying, "Lord, I know you 
are with me today." Because when I really believe that in my heart, I  can give these questions the time that God wants.

Here is my prayer:
Thank you Lord, for being with me today. As deeply as my heart can say  this, thank you for what you have brought about this week to bring me closer to you. I love you!

Week 10: Hi ! My name is Linda .I've been following this retreat. I had turned away from God for a while after something really hard happened to me .I had prayed for my couple and family .But My husband left me anyway .So I was mad at god for letting that happen.But as I go along I see that it was propbably a good thing that happened.My ex is in drugs and partys and maybe he would have taken me along with him .Maybe that is why God permited for that to happen.I don't know . Anyways ,doing this retreat is bringing me back closer to the ONE who NEVER left me ,but was waiting for me to turn back to him. I need God to show me he still loves me and to heal me from my past memories .
 
   This week 10 is hard for me , I still have trouble to believe that God loves me ,that he forgives me my sins ,that he accepts me as I am. And I'm scared of what he might ask of me .Like Peter, I want to run away.But I know that I need God in my life ,even though I'm scared .I can't live without Him.Please Pray for me so that God may show me His love and forgiveness and make me understand why some things happen so that this wall between me and Him(God) may fall away.I will pray for you all .

Week 1: I started this week with lots of enthusiasm and joy in my heart because I had attended a lot of retreats in the past. So I started off by remembering myself being formed in my mama’s womb. And so on as I reached the age of 2yrs, I remembered one particular joyful moment of my life, to which I was so attached that I could not accept things after that. I continued praising God and asking Him to give me the grace to be detached and accept everything with more praise and thanksgiving. It took me two days to go through that pain, but ultimately Gods love victoriously triumphed. Even as I was praising God for making me in His image and likeness, this was the first time, I praised God for  my skin, my hair, my eyes so wonderfully and beautifully made. To accept myself the way I am – so difficult but not impossible unto the Lord. I thank u Lord, and give me the grace to continue with this retreat with the power of your Holy Spirit and with the intercession your dear Mother, Mama Mary with all the angels and saints.

Week 8: How God must rejoice in my coming to know how much I am loved and forgiven.  I think I have been in this place for 10 years. In 1971, I was 13 and in my Grade 8 religion class , my teacher, who was a Sister was teaching about the 10 Commandments.  When she got to the end, she said that GOD HATED ANYONE WHO BROKE HIS COMMANDMENTS. I was an immature 13 year old. Up until then I was in love with my friend Jesus. He was the person I visited everyday after school. I went to morning Mass daily with the Presentation Sisters. When that poor misguided Sister said that God hated anyone who broke his commandments, she didn't know my life of abuse. I broke the 6th commandment with my father, and I was horrified to think, that my best friend hated me. I later tried to get a clearer understanding of what she said but then she wanted to know why and I backed off.  That day after school I visited the church as usual but as I knelt in front of the tabernacle I cried and told Jesus if he hated me then I wouldn't bother him again.  That year I mentally stopped going to Mass and when I got my first full time job and moved to my own apartment , I physically stopped going to Mass. It took 25 years , but in 1995 I made a Cursillo and found out Jesus didn't hate me and if I hadn't been married , I could have joined the Convent like I always wanted to. That weekend Jesus showed me just how much he Loved me and had forgiven me. These last weeks have still been hard. I had to face myself in a way I never did before. I almost quit this retreat but prayer really helps and so does the friendship of Jesus. I wish I had to have a Spiritual Director but in my town it is not possible and I don't drive. I know How much Jesus loves me and has forgiven me. He should have let me die in my sins because when I grew up things went from bad to worse. That Cursillo weekend brought me back to Jesus and the Sacraments. It changed my life. I now pray and go to Mass. I now do not fear Jesus. I love him and maybe someday I will get back that strong friendship I had then.

As I began this retreat, I thought about the many times I have gone back over my childhood as the 2nd of 11 children, and realized that my perspective is my very own story--and although my siblings shared the same home and parents, my experiences are shaped by a design unlike anyone else. Recently a younger brother visited from CA, and as we gathered together and began sharing about our youth, my siblings chatted and laughed about the good memories of childhood. I thought, "their memories and experiences are so different from mine", and felt a little envious that I did not share the fond memories, joy or fun. As the second child and oldest girl, I recalled endless work, responsibilities, new babies, and very strict parents--another memory held only by the older siblings. As I shared my feelings, I felt guilty for not feeling joy as well as envy, that I missed their enthusiasm and joy of childhood.

Week 8: Here we are in week eight and I find that I am smiling more and looking at all around me in a totally different way. I think much of this is because I have finally come to the realization that God loves me unconditionally and that is the only time in my life this has happened. Human love has conditions, no matter how much the person says "I love You". God just accepts us for who we are because we are exactly as God made us - aren't we totally blessed?!

As I read the reflections, I realized my basic problem - to quote Father Gillick, in certain areas of my life, I am in a conversation with myself instead of with God.  Until now, I did not really want to be healed - until now.  And I finally understand why Jesus said that sometimes it's easier to cure sickness and disease rather then forgive sins.  I, the sinner, must WANT to be forgiven.  I think I finally do.

Week 16: Joseph and Mary fulfilled all the requirements of the Jewish religious law, got Jesus circumcised and presented him to the Lord in the temple.

I wonder what Joseph and Mary might have thought and felt about Jesus? Mary was his mother, but Joseph was not his true father, only his foster father. They knew he was a special human, God’s son. Was this always in the background of their minds when they looked at him? Did they treat him differently from their own children that they had later? Did they feel the same kind of parental love towards him as for an ordinary child? Was there a certain feeling of reverence?

Jesus probably knew instinctively in his spirit and Mary and Joseph probably told him at a very early age that he was God’s son, not Joseph’s. Yet he respected them as his parents and was obedient to them. (Luke 2:51) As the Bible says that Jesus was sinless, he must have been a perfect child and adolescent boy. He had human feelings like all of us, but didn’t sin and never gave into temptation. He must have been such a kind, loving and gentle boy, just pleasant to have around. No sinful thought, word or deed – what characteristics does such a child have? Yet he went through the normal developmental stages.

Already from early childhood Jesus must have been really interested in hearing biblical stories about God and the history of his people. His parents must have taught him all they knew about God. He went regularly to the synagogue and listened to the teaching, probably more than other kids his age. At what stage did he start his “training” as a Rabbi and was invited to speak? Already in the age of twelve the religious leaders noticed extraordinary gifts and knowledge in him.

Twice it is mentioned in Luke 2 (v. 40, 52) that Jesus grew not only in stature, but in wisdom, and that God’s grace was upon him. That’s how every life should be – growing in wisdom under the umbrella of God’s grace!

Joseph must have taught Jesus his carpenter skills. Did they work daily together until Jesus started his public ministry in the age of 30?

I wonder why Jesus didn’t tell his parents that he would stay longer in the temple in Jerusalem after the Feast of the Passover. So they had to wander around for a few days until they found him and worried a lot. Was this not inconsiderate of Jesus? If I was in their place, I would have gotten upset about the fact that he didn’t inform them and caused them so much worry. I suppose if he had told them beforehand they might not have allowed him to stay on his own in the temple, so maybe this was the only way how he could stay there longer and listen to the teaching and conversations of the religious leaders? Or maybe he just assumed they would know as it was so normal for him to go to the temple and they knew who his real father was.

Mary collected various experiences with Jesus in her heart and kept thinking about them (v. 51) – a true introvert.

When I read these passages, I was attracted to the character of Simeon and couldn’t stop thinking about him. The Holy Spirit was on his life, had told him beforehand that he would see Christ before his death and prompted him to go to the temple at the time when Jesus was there. Simeon was really in tune with the Holy Spirit. He had the gift of prophecy and told what Jesus and Mary would experience in the future. I feel attracted to this closeness with God. I also want to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading like Simeon was. Listening to God - a topic that has been on my heart for a long time. I have experienced God’s guidance in daily life situations, but sometimes when I’m busy I feel that I’m emotionally and in my thoughts not really in tune with the Holy Spirit, so can’t always sense his guidance. I want to grow in that area.

Anna must have been a widow for more than fifty years. After her husband died she dedicated her whole life and time to God and just lived in the temple. It sounds a bit boring to fast, pray and worship all the time and not do anything else, but God obviously really met her, ministered to her, changed her and used her prayers. So she was really fulfilled in his presence and didn’t desire anything else. She also knew immediately from God who Jesus was. Nobody needed to tell Anna and Simeon about it, they just knew from God as their spirits were in line with God’s spirit. Anna didn’t just tell everybody about Jesus, but those who were waiting for his birth, who were spiritually ready for this news. This confirms to me that I need to be discerning who I tell about Jesus. There’s no need or use to tell everyone as people might not be open and ready to receive this news, but those who are spiritually open, who are searching and waiting.

I am in week 31 and because of travel I did not make time to share for week 30, so this is a combination of the two.

It looks as if I will travel for the rest of this retreat and I plan to push ahead and make the time and find the quiet to help me focus on the material. One grace of this retreat has been the blessing of using the "background" to keep on processing throughout the day.

My focus has been to try to see the breaking of the bread during the day and to walk in the joy of my companion, the risen Jesus Christ. How quickly I slip out of the joy, fall into a "me only" mind set and become distracted. I feel grateful that I know that Jesus is still there waiting for me to try some more. And the day continues. 

The grace for the two weeks is the presence and absence of joy. I feel it and then I don't and I discover the missing joy again. I have a long way to go in this area and I feel grace-filled to have the awareness. Please keep me in your prayers.

Joe

When I started the retreat, I saw the "Sharing" part and thought to myself, what would I have to share?  Why would I want to share? (possibly a feeling that it would all be too personal, trivial, not worth sharing, not wanting to give...)

Well here I am.  Another example of God's grace.  Within a few weeks, I have moved away from the spiritual/mind set described above.

There have been a few destructive patterns in my life: ways of thinking, alcohol, difficulty truly interacting with people.  Yet at the same time, I have been given the grace of a real love for my fellow man which has always led me to give of my time and myself.

Due to certain circumstances, these past couple of years of my life have allowed me intense concentration on myself - the luxury of space for self-examination and space to heal.  Although I have managed a couple of short organized works for charity and continue to be accessible to those I know who need emotional support, there was more of an instinct to draw away and use my energies only for myself.

At the end of the 9th week of retreat (Healing - so apt) a pen-pal moved our breezy and cheerful relationship to a completely different level.  He shared his dark depths of depression.  I was with another friend when I got his mail and my first instinct was not to engage at all.  By God's grace, I realized that this is one of my vocations in life, core to who I am and that I must embrace what God has made me for.

I am lazy, and I am selfish, but giving myself over to his will is creative and joyful. 

What a wonderful retreat.  Thank you.

This A.M. as I was in prayer, I was with Jesus as he told me that I did not have to "do" anything to be loved by him...simply the fact that I was created to love him and be loved by him was enough...I was invited to rest in him...as this meditation unfolded I found myself wanting to be a person of love..someone who loves God, others, and creation with an open non judgemental heart....to serve in an other centered way....