Week 15
I am enjoying staying on Week 15 for 2 weeks through Christmas Day. For me, this Advent has seemed quite different than the others. I know I am not in the same place, or the same person as I was a year ago. That is a good thing, and it means growth. I believe the retreat has helped me see the “bigger picture” of things. This Christmas season the points of stress have still been there, yet I feel calm. Just as anyone else, there are still difficult things to deal with throughout the holidays. But I have so much, and I am staying grateful. I have never spent so much time putting out the Nativity set as I did this year. It was always hurry up and get done, so I could hurry up and get the next thing done. It meant a lot to take my time and reflect on each figure. In turn, I am called to be more attentive to my children and husband as I reflect on the birth of Jesus and the Holy Family. I am excited at what else the retreat will bring my way. I pray that I can stay open and attentive to God’s will for me. Merry Christmas!
Just wanted to share a thought, I'm starting week 15, but this grace could apply to any of the weeks so far. I was away from the church for years and I was so wanting to return, but I was so angry about the priest sex abuse issues, and other things in my life, a divorce, my 16 year old child was a drug dealer, my second husband was diagnosed with brain cancer and later died, so many sadnessess, and I so needed my faith/religion, when a friend said I should talk to the new priest at my old parish because he was so easy to talk to . I never really talked to a priest about any faith crises or other problems, being born in the 50's we were taught that priests were unapproachable. But I did and my friend was right, thank God times have changed for the better. I asked him why I should be Catholic because I felt it was all just a lie. He said I didn't have to be, but that's who I was, how I carried myself, how I spoke and acted. I went to confession for the first time in many, many years, and my penance was to meditate on Martha and Mary, not 12 Hail Mary's and 12 Our Fathers, just meditate on that. I was confused, but I tried to meditate and the only explanation I could come up with was I could be Mary, and my mom Martha, her always working and me either talking about God or the scriptures or just not being available to help her enough, and that's what I needed to do, and how did he know I wasn't as helpful as I could be, but of course that's not what he meant. That was about 5 or 6 years ago, and I never forgot that penance or his answer to why should I be Catholic. I'm now reading a book about contemplation and one of the chapters is on Martha and Mary, this book was not an accident that I picked it up, I was in a Catholic book shop looking for something to read on Ignatian Spirituality when both of these books were just there waiting for me.. The chapter on Martha and Mary explained the two women so clearly. Martha was always busy with everyday living, cleaning, cooking, worrying and when Jesus came to visit she did all the work, which was good, but it was Mary who just wanted to be in his presence, she didn't notice how he looked, dressed or even what he was saying, she was just with his light, his spirit, his love... just with him, and not worried about everyday issues or problems, like I was too much back then and not enough just being with God. It was such a blessing to finally understand my penance and to know I too want to be like Mary and just gaze at Him with love, and be totally present to Him. One of my questions to that wonderful priest was "does it sometimes take years to find what my journey will be?" And of course his answer was yes, and it is, and I'm sure it will continue long after I'm gone. Merry Christmas, Peace and Blessings to all of you. --Patti
I
have just completed week 15 of the retreat and downloaded
week 16. I didn't think that I was ready for another week yet, but in
reading some of the sharing messages for week 15, and after reviewing
my previous sharing for week 10/11, I do think that I'm ready to go
on.
I'm afraid that I am still drawn to secular and material goods and pleasures
which sometimes blind me to the deeper parts of my being, which when
I am in that deeper mode, allow me to touch on a level of the spirit
where charity, peace, harmony and appreciation of God's gifts of creation
abide.
In this, then, I find that in the shallower mode, I do not "know"
or love any particular person, including myself. Other people are people
and I am a person too, but to know and love, to appreciate, are words
with intellectual meaning only. In the deeper mode of being, I live,
understand, and yes, love deeply.
So to one of the sharing notes that I read. It stated that Christ was
not born to poverty, because he was born in and surrounded by love.
In this, I agree whole heartedly because as a child, my parents had
little money, but we had an extended family, and without realizing what
it was, we had loving relationships. In this, I remember some trips
to the relatives who lived on farms, and in playing in the barn, the
barn yard and on to the pasture and wheat fields, I thought nothing
of the smells and sights which some might find repulsive. On the contrary,
they were a natural part of living on the farm and around the animals,
some of which were akin to being definite pets. And there was, for me,
a sense of security and worth, a sense of love, though I knew not what
love actually was.
I could continue to ramble on, I think, but what I really want to say
now, is that I pray that mankind, we all, may grow to know and love
God as He is, and in this to be able to live and serve both Him and
others in happiness and peace. And, maybe that is one of the reasons
that I am continuing this retreat.
-- Quentin
Week 15:
A prayer of reflection around the crib
Lord,
I held you as you slept ... feeling your vulnerability ... but also
realizing your potential. I used to have some disdain for the innkeeper.
He stuck you out here in the outhouse as a reject. Why couldn't he give
you his room? Then I realise that he has all his relatives sleeping
on the floor this really is the quietest place for Mary and for you
now, Lord. And the innkeeper did clean up. We are all taken up with
the birth of you ... and the faithful promise that Mary and Joseph bring
with them. I'm surprised initially that the shepherds come and they
are in awe at you and share Mary and Joseph's faith in God's promise.
I had always seen shepherds as uneducated and very unsophisticated.
Most times I've seen them off work and carousing or joking around. They're
not the people we usually have dinner with. But their work takes them
far into the hills and they stay alert at night ... very alert for the
slightest change that might affect their flocks ... weather, predators
and other challenges sharpen them. They are so close to nature ... they
feel God's glory.
Now they really express it ... they see it as not necessarily contained
in the grandeur of nature but actually taking on flesh that we can see
and hear and touch. Being awstruck by nature is one aspect of God. Being
awstruck by his presence among us can be transformational. Afterwards,
as I walk around the crowded streets of Bethlehem I see how many people
go about their common everyday lives untouched by you. So I ask ...
how can I develop the sensitivities of the shepherds that I can bring
to these crowded streets ... that will make a transformational difference?
Week 15:
Each week as we lit our Advent Candles, I read stories from the online
retreat about: Elizabeth and Zechariah, The Angel's visit to Mary, Mary's
visit with Elizabeth and the birth of John, and The Angel's visit to
Joseph. On Christmas day, I decided to put my husband and daughter into
to scene, like we in the retreat have been doing. I covered the creche
with a cloth and lit each candle again, going over what we talked about
the previous weeks. When I lit the Christ Candle, I uncovered the creche
and brought in the Angel, Shepherds, and the Three Wise Men. It reminded
me of when I taught Sunday School. My husband and daughter loved it.
It opened discussion on other Bible history as well. My husband was
born a Catholic in Italy, but never got any of the stories that most
of us got growing up.
Those of us who were nurtured in the Church from birth have a wonderful
gift from that education!!! We are obligated to share it. My husband's
faith is strong but hearing the stories has really deepened his faith.
Our daughter is a young adult with a developmental disablity - emotionally
and socially about 3 yrs old to 10 years old, depending on what is going
on. Our daughter, with her disablity, wasn't able to mainstream in CCD
classes so I taught her and the Priest worked with her through the Sacraments.
The online retreat is helping me teach them what they missed. The Holy
Spirit has been working through this retreat to bring our whole family
closer to God and our Saviour, Jesus Christ. It has also help us deal
with a very trying situation this year.
Our mortgage company made an error that cost us thousands of dollars
- it took a year to get them to admit it - I almost gave up, but God
gave me that extra nudge one morning to go into the bank and talk to
someone face to face. It has been resolved, just finishing up the details,
like, are you going to give us back all the money we lost!!! Just today,
the phone company, the cable company, and the doctor's office billed
us incorrectly. One even went to a collection agency - by mistake. God
gave me that nudge to fight again - they all admitted their errors and
they have been corrected. Just a heads up for you out there. TRUST GOD,
but not that billing statement!!! Trust God wholly, study the Word when
you wake up, take time during the day, and go to sleep with God in your
heart and the Lord's Prayer on your lips.
Week 15:
The week after Christmas and we spent a mixture of time getting caught
up ... with friends and with everyday tasks that didn't get done in
the rush of everyday work. In that light getting "caught up"
is not a bad metaphor for my spiritual contemplation this last week.
I "caught on" to feeling a sense of "mission" with
the themes around the crib. I "caught up" again that even
with the rush around us for the holidays, the spiritual significance
of the incarnation is in the mission. I reflected how we can continue
to embody in different ways His incarnation if we follow the sense of
His mission. For myself, I'm still unclear as to where that mission
ultimately takes me. But if I can continue being "caught up"
in the sense of it then I trust, with God's grace, I will find the way.
This has been a “week
from hell” with my daughter and son-in-law announcing that they
are separating after 15 years of marriage and two children, and then
agreeing to (at least) talk… In
the readings this week, I kept seeing my daughter in Mary. Something
new was gestating within her that she could not deny, even if it meant
her marriage breaking up…
Later in the week, I saw myself as Joseph,
trying, in compassionate presence, to support her. I tried not taking
sides, and listen, to her and the spirit. A recent dream let me know
I then had to “leave the scene” like Joseph, who disappears
from scripture when Jesus is ready for public life.
-- Anita
This week I reflected more on the themes
of God's promise and how Mary and Joseph were active in responding to
and fulfilling that promise. I'm particularly attracted to the scenes
when Jesus is brought to the Temple and also when Joseph decides to
move the family to Egypt. I see in these themes that Mary and Joseph
both have a deep commitment to fulfilling God's promise. Each act …
just the basic concerns about where to stay and where to be safe …
are committed with their responsibility clearly in mind. But just because
that is the intention -- to do God's Will -- this does not mean that
they have certainty or knowledge in everything that they do. Joseph
has lot of prayerful discernment about where to stay. He is acutely
aware of the political issues and the consequences of power. He needs
to move the family even to areas where they are unknown … essentially
refugees. So much is also happening for Mary. She is a good model in
that she resolves to reflect rather than react or overprotect Jesus.
I think that Jesus must have learned a lot from his earthly parents:
Mary's love and practice of reflection; Joseph's practice of discernment
and keen sense for what is going on around him. All of these bound together
by teaching and community worship.
Then I think of my own family. How well am I bringing God's promises
to them? I have a wonderful wife but she rarely comes now to Mass with
me (she did when the children were growing up). I see my children as
active and concerned in the world … well developed social and
political antennae. But they have given up the practice of public worship
now that they have grown up and left the house. I keep asking myself
what is deficient in my witness. Maybe there is nothing but being more
patient … try to model more Joseph and Mary's pattern of trust
in God's promise … remembering to be realistic and reflective
at the same time.
This is the 15th week. Jesus
is born in the stable. The picture seems so nice. Would Jesus have been
born into such a nice picture today? Today's stable would probably have
been as rough as it was 2000 years ago, but Mary would have been there
to love Him. Who is this Jesus? Again I see the Father wrapped up in
the birth of Jesus. It was the Father who wanted to send His son. What
father would not be there loving his son? I see fathers with their newborns
coming to church. They spend most of their time staring at their babies.
They sit and stare. Was the Father there in the stable too, staring
at Jesus? Maybe even greatfull for Mary's part? Today I heard the Gloria..we
said: Lord God, heavenly King, almighty God and Father.....Lord Jesus
Christ, only Son of the Father, Lord God, Lamb of God....Are they the
same Lord God? This baby is Lord God!
greetings to all of you from Nell on the
Tweed. its been a strange week for me and i didnt expect the images
to come as they did. what happened to me was that i could feel the stable.
i live in a very small cottage which i rent from some lovely people.
i have had some real ' no room at the inn" times in my life and
recent years have seen me homeless and without possessions. then one
day i was blessed enough to be led to this beautiful wee cottage on
a fine hill. my little grandaughter said " you can see everything
god can see. the whole world. " then we had some wonderful times
over the last year with a new baby and my son thriving after some rough
times. and then in april they decided to move about 7 hours away to
the mountain city where his father lives. im writing all this because
i have battled to decide what im going to do and how i will handle life
here in ths valley with them gone. and i still dont know. i have been
desolate and then hopeful and all manner of things.
now as the week 15 went on - i felt much as i did when
our little baby was born. and all the love and joy amidst the battle
we have as a family on welfare. there has been so much love and delight
in our lives over the last few years with many wonderful things happening.
. But - as i imaged the stable - i reached a vision of the little family
going to egypt but i was left behind. and i sat in a corner with my
cloak over my head . desolate and bereaved. my own cottage seemed like
the stable and was all messed up and grubby. and i lacked the wherewithal
to do anything about it. then it came to me that i were left behind
as an elderwoman to clean the stable up. to make it into a special place
and to be there to tell anyone who came that the baby had been born.
that i was left behind to bear witness and i brightened up and cleaned
up my own home. began to cherish the memories and the love . i dont
know what god is asking of me next but i can at this time - keep the
stable clean , know how deeply i am loved. know that i have a different
role than i did as a young woman. be here if people come . that the
poor and the ill of us are loved and precious. jesus came as one of
us and doesnt look down on us. not as we wrinkle up , not when we seem
to be the failures of this world. it is ok. he doesnt look down on us
when we dont have enough food for the week and struggle to cover the
rent. he smiles and gives me the love of my children and the rich variety
of people i have in my life. so for now. i stay here. i cant seem to
write this more succintly or clearly but it has been a great comfort
to me . i know i am meant to have a human experience just as jesus did.
in all its dimensions and this for now is my season .i sit on the back
steps of our meetings place with my people in recovery and i am just
fine. i have seen the baby smile with the wisdom from before time. and
hes smiling at me .
I started this before Christmas and now it
is January 5th. So much going on in my own “stable”…moving
my Mom, who is in early to middle stages of Alzheimer’s disease,
to our home. She does not understand that the “overnight Christmas
Eve stay” is really the final move from her own home. It has been
a good transition, so far, but I cry that the easiness of it is because
she can no longer remember the simplest things and she speaks to me
as if I am her Mother and she is my child. As I was sitting in the stable
with Mary, Joseph and Jesus, I offered to hold Him and stay up the rest
of the night so they could rest. It was so peaceful, holding Him and
kissing His sweet baby cheeks. Giving them this respite reminded me
of how, when my children were babies, my own Mom would do this very
thing for me. I sometimes wonder if Mary had to take care of her Mother
in this way. Like Mary, I treasured all these things in my heart, but
because of this new situation in my home and my tiredness, I fell asleep
in the stable more times than I’d like to admit. The other morning,
my Mom arose a little later than usual and I had time to tell Jesus
how sorry I was for that. He held me and told me He understood and I
believed He did.
-- June
Imagining the birth of Christ proved difficult
for me. Having been in a delivery room four times, it seems impossible
to reconcile the messy miracle I witnessed there with the miracle that
St. Francis described as “light passing through a stained glass
window” (thus preserving Mary’s virginity). However Christ
was born, it is too mysterious for me to imagine, for me to be present.
So instead,
the image that was offered to me was that of an innkeeper who turns
Mary and Joseph away. I am that innkeeper and they are at my door, Mary
seated on an ass, uncomfortable but resigned. She is, without compare,
the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. It’s kind of hard to
listen to Joseph, she is so dazzling. I cannot take my eyes off of her.
I know that he is asking for a room, as hundreds of others have, and
my response to him is automatic by now: “No room.” I am
not resourceful enough to think of offering them the stable. The smell
and confusion of the lodgers literally tripping over each other behind
me distracts me from Joseph’s response, until I hear the word,
“Adonai”—then I realize that, instead of cursing me
as so many people at my door have, he has offered a traditional Jewish
blessing. At that word, I notice his eyes: deep brown, young, filling
with tears in his fear and confusion. He turns and leads Mary away and
I watch them go, wondering, until they are out of sight. Then I shut
the door and do not answer it again.In the next few days, I hear of
the shepherds’ visit to the stable, and their reports of the heavenly
host appearing above the fields outside of town. I cannot get Mary and
Joseph off of my mind. Scripture (Matthew 2:11) tells us that by the
time the three wise men found Jesus, the Holy Family was living in a
house. As an innkeeper, my duties very often prevent me from leaving
my house. However, on one day I am walking neither to market nor temple;
I am not really sure why I am in this part of town on this sunny day.
Perhaps the census is over and for the first time in weeks, my inn is
empty for a moment. Perhaps this is the same few poor houses where I
grew up, before I shrewdly earned enough to buy my poor inn. The sun
is bright today. This date palm I remember with fondness. Then I see
her at a doorway. She is turning to go inside and she sees me, sees
me staring and quickly I lower my eyes. “Sir? Do you need a drink?”
I am astonished by her confidence; to speak to me, a stranger! But she
is like a child as she steps inside and returns before I can even reply,
a small wooden bowl of water in her hand. She is standing in her doorway
with that bowl and I am in the dust of the street. I am embarrassed
by her offer, by her beauty, by my own age and ugliness. I notice the
smell of my sweat and the heat of the day, hotter in the face of her
lintel’s shade and her bowl of water. She extends the bowl a little
more toward me and sunlight strikes the rocking surface of the water,
but not a drop spills. I step. She smiles. I feel like she is taming
me, like the cats I offer scraps in the alley. I hang my head, conquered,
and close the distance to her bowl. I empty it, breathing the fragrance
of her youth. I hand her the bowl and she is looking at me with indescribable
tenderness. Her incomparable eyes! Immodestly, I steal a glance through
the door. A boy, his bare skin the color of the earthen floor, sleeps
on a reed mat. After all I have heard, he appears to be just another
poor child. She smiles at my seeing. I bow my head in gratitude and
scuttle away.For the rest of my life, I keep my eyes open for this marvelous
woman and her ordinary-seeming child, but soon, I hear, they have left
town. I wander down that way again and, sure enough, that house had
different tenants—ugly cries filled the air, the kind I would
more expect here among the poor, the kind I remember well. Though I
never see them again, though I turned them away, I feel, oddly, that
they came for me. Their love penetrated me. When I bathe my feet, my
feet remind me of the baby’s feet—as if they were mine,
as if HE were mine. I laugh at myself. But I kept these things, reflecting
on them in my heart.Tom, Pennsylvania
I am thankful for the shepherds and wise
persons in my life who have brought me to the stable where the significance
is clear: God is alive in all the messiness around us ... in our own
lives and in the world at large. At
our family Christmas gathering the center attraction was my 3 week old
great-nephew. We all took turns passing him around and so imagining
the real baby Jesus was not hard. I also got to thinking about my sons
(now grown up) when they were babies. I think at the very earliest stages
I could sense something that was each one's unique essence (despite
how everyone tries to tell you how much they look like you). I actually
cannot name that essence but I can feel it. I think that this is what
happens in the encounters at the manger. I imagined the shepherds as
some of the real poor I have encountered in out-reach ministries. I
am reminded that often they have been the most grace filled people ...
sometimes caring a lot more about me than I deserved. I can see them
naming the essence of Jesus. I sense their transformation ... as Luke
recounts they tell everyone what they found. Simeon also sees the essence
and can name it. I think it is also significant that Jesus' essence
is named not by Mary and Joseph... they are faithful to naming Jesus
as they had learned from the angel's proclamation. God chooses unusual
messengers for all of our lives. Mary and Joseph are witnesses as to
how to respond. Mary reflects and Joseph is willing to take action even
if it is personally hard to do so.This week I also found one of light
and darkness. I enjoyed deepening my reflection ... particularly seeing
Mary in a fuller, more human terms and not the flatness of the Madonna
portraits. Of course, it was also great being with my family at Christmas.Then
the darker spots ... I got also to thinking about how neither of my
sons seems too interested in the Church or spiritual life. Have I been
an inadequate witness?I also got more anxious about going back to work
this week, which is somewhat irrational ... I have a meeting this week
which I would rather avoid as well as feeling there is a too much I
need to be doing. Then I realized that this was what the season is really
about. I need to face up to the dark spots in my life but give them
over to God because the reality of the Incarnation is that's precisely
where Jesus is born ... not in the pleasant places in our lives but
in the uncomfortable places sometimes in the midst of serious conflict.
When I started this retreat, I had no idea
that weeks 15 & 15a would be right in the middle
of Advent. Oh, how it helped me to prepare for the birth of Our Savior
in a way I have never done before. I know that God was guiding me to
this revelation and I thank Him for the understanding of Christmas that
I received.
God Bless you all,
Jackie
i just began week 15. its
christmas day, and most of my family is together to go to mass. one
of my sons is a recovering alcoholic who has stopped going to meetings,
and although not raging in his addiction, still drinks and exhibits
many addictive attitudes. to his credit, he also has a steady and good
job, lives on his own, and tries his hardest to do the right thing.
but there is still much between us that triggers resentment.
today he came for mass dressed in old jeans, a long sleeve t-shirt that
looked like he slept in it, and a couple days growth of beard. i sort
of busted his chops about it because he can never seem to get himself
together to be presentable like an adult (he's 23) but always seems
to have money for stupid stuff. this has been a source of tension between
us and a reminder of times when things were totally out of control.
in any case, he was really hurt by my chiding...and he said something
hurtful to me later. even though we got past it ,it lingered with me
the whole day. ours is a family that has endured much lately...addiction
and recovery, abuse, separation., infidelity, so the tension was high
to begin with, as everyone hoped we could "do it right".
my wife and i talked later, and she said "how must he feel about
himself if he lets himself go like that?" i realized that he must
be feeling pretty bad about himself. then i read the letter of paul
from the readings for the day after christmas, where he says that sons
should honor their fathers, but that fathers should not provoke their
children, lest they become discouraged. it struck me that i had it all
wrong. no requirement of a dress code existed at bethlehem. the circumstances
were humble. christ's life was then spent among the thieves, tax collectors,
prostitutes, and lepers, the ones who were hurting or unbelievers. he
didnt chide them because of how they looked or smelled or acted. he
invited them in to his kingdom. he healed them. that ticked off a lot
of folks who thought things should be different.
years earlier, at a mass at a rehab center where my sons had been, a
visitor commented that the mass was a disgrace, because the sharing
was often raw and uncensored. i responded "who should really be
in church...those who are believers, or those who need to be ?"
i found it entirely appropriate that addicts could express themselves
frankly to god in crying out for his aid. i doubted that a merciful
god would be offended half as much as uptight "believers".
i understood at that moment, but flashing forward to this christmas,
it's obvious i forgot completely and became just like the fellow who
complained.
i realized today that my son had become my teacher...he reminded me
that what was really important was that he chose to be there, with his
family, to share with us, even if his faith is challenged or his resources
few. everything else was unimportant. i now feel silly and a bit ashamed
about my self serving complaints, but blessed that i learned the lesson
i needed to learn. my son showed up...he was with me and his family.
that was a gift, a gift i overlooked because of the packaging., and
because of my own thick-headedness and expectations of what "ought
to be".
isnt that exactly how the world missed the gift of jesus?
I am starting the 15th week
of retreatI. I am a little afraid of my human ineptness.
But I want so to experience what I suddenly experiened during my prayer
after communion twice last week. My own thoughts were suddenly
and completely interrupted by an intense, powerful, and very warm
presence. I had to struggle to let go.
Using my imagination to contemplate
the birth of Jesus and the events that surrounded it during week
fifteen was not as easy as it initially seemed it should be.
This was partly because I would stop and wonder if what I was picturing
would be accurate to the time and place when the events occurred.
However, I did pray before I began and did let my imagination work to
create the scenes. The most special grace would have to be that
of imagining holding Mary's hand while she was giving birth. At
one point I was just focused on her hand in mine without seeing her,
Joseph, or the coming baby. It was strangely special. It
was a human moment. A moment that became more special as I contemplated
it later. It was a connection on a human level between two people.
As I am writing now and thinking it seems as though at that point in
my imagination it was her wanting my support as she went through the
human process of giving birth. But in reality, it is probably
more me needing her support as I seek to live my human life in concert
with her Son.
I was reading through the section
"in these or similar words" and was suddenly struck by this thought:
the writer of this section was praying and thinking with the traditional
understandings about Jesus' "humble" birth. Jesus was born in a stable,
smelly, cold, rough. As the song goes, "the little Lord, Jesus, no crib
for his bed." We usually think of Jesus' birth in this way-Jesus came
to poor humble people as a sign that he would be savior to those in
need. He came into poverty.
But, here's what occurred to me-the baby, Jesus, was born with everything
he needed! He had loving parents who warmed him with their love; He
had Mary and her breast and her mother's milk. It's our perspective
that more comfortable surroundings would make a difference. A palace
without love is a cold scary place, but a rough stable filled with love
had everything that the baby needed.
If we can agree that love is the meaning of life, then Jesus was born
with everything he needed. Maybe he was born this way to show us this
truth. Where there is love we have everything we need too. When we love
God and each other we are that loving place filled with everything God
needs to be with us. Despite our faults, our weakness, our sinfulness,
when we have love God has everything God needs to work in and through
us. Jesus' birth wasn't humble, it was glorious because of love! Week
15
It is difficult for me to "get
into" the family scenes to better understand those that were early influences
on Jesus. I have had too much; I have doubted too much.
However, I am trying each day to enter into and become a part of this
blessed family's circle. I cannot imagine that Week 15
will only last seven days for me. Each day I walk with a good
friend, and I am turning the part of the journey when I am alone into
that long and arduous walk to Bethlehem. I am calming the donkey
that carries Mary; I am touching her hands; I am feeling the back pain
that must attend her pregnancy and the jolting of the donkey's footsteps;
I am walking beside Joseph, worrying about the consequences of this
trip at such a time. Beloved God, allow me to feel some of the
pain, the anxiety, and the fear of this journey. At the same time
let me taste some of the joyful anticipation that must also be there.
Reflecting on the nativity, I sense
the magnificence of being part of a family with children. It is the
vocation of Mary and Joseph. And for the first time, I noticed that
the nativity involves the only instance in my recollection of scripture
where an unnamed, average person sees and speaks with an angel. This
happens with the shepherds. It seems relevant that this event occurs
with the birth of Christ. With the coming of Christ into our lives,
it is like we are visited by a angel who brings us an unbelievable message
that seems to go unnoticed in history and to most of those around us.
Lord, let me know your presence through your angels. I wait in the fields
of my labor, just an average person doing an average job. Be born unto
me again. Week 15
At the beginning of the week, I found myself
having trouble entering the scenes of Jesus birth and infancy. Today,
during my hour of adoration and with the help of the “In these
or similar words” section (Thank you, whoever wrote those words),
I held the babe in my arms. I smelled the manure and the urine in the
hay, and even imagined burping the infant Jesus after Mary fed him (I
could almost feel Him spitting up just a little). As I knelt there in
this scene, it occurred to me that if one focuses on the filth of the
barn-like surroundings one misses the beauty of the gift that is present.
In a similar way, if one focuses on all the ‘evil’ in the
world, one misses the beauty of life. It was for me a moment of awakening.
Again, thank you to whoever wrote the beautiful ‘words’
section for this week. It truly opened a door for me.
Thank you very much for all the special
on-line helps around Christmas. I loved week 15 and 15A - I guess it
is because I love Christmas. I followed your prodding "to find
a bit of straw in the stable and to sit." As I tried to be unobtrusive
and quiet I was astonished at the beauty of Mary as she cradled her
baby. She signed to me that I could hold him. I did and
gazed into those unseeing eyes - but were they really unseeing like
other babies of a few days? I was not sure. I felt the warmth
of his tiny body permeate me as he waved his little arms and wriggled
against me. He was so like other babies and yet he wasn't - I
wanted to protect him and yet he was protecting me and at the same time
reaching out to the whole world. I stayed a long time in the stable...and
have visited often...and been gifted beyond measure.
I have been so wrapped up with myself, my husband,
and our families that it seems that there has not been time to get to
my retreat material. I just printed the most necessary parts to
see what I have been missing. I stopped reading during my Week
15. While I can justify doing this: perhaps I am grieving
the attachment of losing my husband, who is gravely ill (I have him
at home and I am the sole caregiver), my grandson who went to court
this past week to plead guilty for drunken driving in which three of
his friends were killed (all were drunk) (he has not been sentenced
yet) but it doesn't sound good. My grandson is only 30 years old
with lots of potential. I am sure God will see that that potential
is realized. But the pain of it all is almost more than I can
see for myself. I really am not looking for material riches and
I thought I have been trying to find the spiritual poverty in my life,
but during these past weeks it has been hard to find much peace.
Last Sunday is the first Sunday I have been able to attend Mass.
A caregiver helper which I met by accident at the WalMart asked me what
I needed. I needed someone to relieve me of some of my duties and she
suggested coming on Sunday morning so that I could go to Mass.
A miracle for this to happen. Father Mancini came and gave John
the last rites within minutes when I though he was dying last week.
Another miracle. Other Holy Spirit things happening that same
afternoon. It would take pages to describe it all. Only
until tonight when I was guided to my computer which has not been on
all of that time. I have been praying but how much I have needed
the guidance of this retreat to help me. It would be good if I
could have someone to discuss some of the things with, but I guess God
want just me and Him to figure it all out. Sometimes I see myself
as being too old to have much life left after He takes my husband but
I guessed tonight that that has been corrected very gently by Him.
The first response of the Outline for Week 18, I am guilty; The second
response, I have been guilty for many years, always justifying what
I want and translating it to what "I know" God wants. My desire
is becoming purer. I can recognize a little of what He is doing.
I only want what will be of greater service to God. Perhaps peace
will come as my husband still clamors to hang on to life. I pray
that God would take him peacefully. I have only been married to
him for 11 years yesterday and today during the Week 16 Online introduction
I wished I had all the answers to my John that the writer was asking
asking questions on what do we know about Jesus. I am so sorry
for my failures. Thanks for your internet intercessions on behalf
of all of us who need to know ourselves better only as we can know Jesus
better. God Bless.
What a refreshing study this week (15)
is turning out to be. During the actual Christmas season, life
is too complicated and rushed to really meditate on the birth of Christ
as this week suggests we do. The Christ is delighted to have me come
and visit His birthplace, His mother and Joseph and all the rest of
the characters so real and beloved. God continues to enrich our spirits
with new ideas. Thank you for your contribution with this retreat
to this senior citizen's spiritual growth.
Week 15 and focusing in on
Jesus' "hidden years." I mean, what did He do for 18 years-12
to 30? What did I do? I grew up. He did too.
My father divorced my mother when I was 14 and it was devestating.
Did Joseph pass when Jesus was about 14 and did He say to Himself, "I'll
have to be the man of the family and take care of Mother." Did
He spend His time carpentering and studying? He was growing, learning,
loving and did His duty to His mother until it was His Time to show
His Light to those outside His immediate family. Jesus at 14 is
much to ponder. Don't you know He had a great smile!
During the past year, I have struggled mightily
with my mental health. I was involved in what proved to be a disastrous
romantic relationship. There is an ugly and deep-seated hostility
festering between a once close family member and me. I am wondering
just where I can wedge a light for the Christ Child in my tattered and
frantic heart. After much prayer and soul searching, I know now
that I do not have to be the perfect receptacle as I await the coming
of our Emmanuel. I need only hollow out a small place of watchfulness
and anticipation and peace. Mary and Joseph could not have fully understood
the bone-deep changes their newborn would bring to their lives.
During this holy time in the dark of December, may I give birth to an
unexpected me.
Gracious God, most loving, generous One --
thank you for the gift of your son, Jesus, whom you gave to us so that
we might begin to understand how beloved we are. As a mother,
and a grandmother, I have often pondered this gift. Today, I realize
that in giving us Jesus, you give us yourself -- your very self.
We can never really understand this. We can only bow with wonder
and humble gratitude. Our only response can be to give back
what you have given us -- Love -- and to do so to each one we encounter,
as best we can, murmuring our prayers as we go. Thank you, Holy
One.
Thank you for the deep communion I feel with
my Catholic brothers and sisters. I am a protestant pastor and
have been so nurtured and nourished by this retreat. Christ
is so very Large, and yet as tiny as a new born. God Bless
and Thank you!
Week 15 and getting into and
being with the relatives of Jesus-Uncle Zechy and Aunt Lizzy we'd say
down South. Last night in our parish we celebrated a Mass for
the unborn and said a rosary prior to Mass. I live in the Baptist
bible belt and I sometimes joke with my Baptist friends, "You don't
like Mary?" The rosary sounds like it's all about Mary when really
it's all about her Boy-the focus is on Him. How can we get to
know somebody unless we know his kinfolks? I had not said the
rosary for several months and had forgotten the special "calming" graces
of all those Hail Marys. At times last night I would just sit
and listen to the soothing hum of my fellow parishioners, "Holy Mary,
mother of God, pray for..." Last night I awoke and felt that same
calmness and serenity as I drifted back to delicious sleep. "Forgive
us our tresspass as we forgive..." just will calm your soul my
dear brothers and sisters. The Saints are smiling at us - can
you see 'em?
Week 15a
Week 15a: I have slowed and been distracted from my initial starting of this retreat by life events, retire from 40 yr job, seeking income to supplement, visit by in-laws, finding employment and starting that job. In this time I know that God and Jesus have been very active in my life. It occurred to be today that I am like a person who has been visiting at someone's house, Jesus'. I have been there long enough and often enough that the family asks me to do a few chores or tasks around the place and stay for dinner and go to a movie or bowling with them. So I do and discover there is so much more care, love and welcome than I ever imagined. Jesus' Family welcomes me and wants me to be around and be a part of their family activity as a friend and close member of family. I now have a relationship that is permanent and life altering. Having sought forgiveness and been exposed to my sinful ways and observed my role in the things of my life and the loving helping hand of Jesus in my life, even as I did not notice it reaching out until it had lifted my up from the ground and dusted me off again. I need this week to regroup and appreciate the gift of it to deepen the awareness of His care for me and my family. Peace
Week 15a I was struck by
the encouragement to let go of the externals and just be with people.
That is not easy for me, having been brought up in a home where appearance
was extremely important. But I will try. I am also moved by Nell on
the Tweed’s sharing; she talked about Jesus being with us as we
wrinkle up and grapple with the factors of our daily existence.I am
searching for an outlet for the creative spirit within me. I believe
God is working through this discovery process, but the future is very
foggy right now. I know the sun will soon come out and burn away that
fog so I can see the radiant beauty of God’s plan for me.
-- Lori
Week 15a: I liked the opportunity
to stop and reflect. Going back to work after the holiday it was hard
to keep in mind the scenes of Christmas. But maybe that was the point:
I revisit the theme of promise … God's promise comes alive in
a humble environment and certainly not in splendid circumstances. So
I pause to give thanks … to consider that like the Magi I might
offer my gifts and trust that the life embodied in that promise will
grow and continue to contribute and like Mary and Joseph to spend time
in thankful reflection.
Imagining the Details of Jesus’ Birth.
Week 15a. Not
easy to get into the scene, because the images have become so set over
the years in the culture and mindset. They have become somewhat static,
but the story itself never ceases to communicate truth. The shepherds,
the wise men, the stable birth, no room at the inn. The flight into
Egypt. Many scholars tell us there are embellishments in this story.
Do these add or subtract? Also for me the fundamental issue of Mary’s
“innocence.” If Christ is human, he must have had a father,
yet we have the mystery of the virgin birth. Do I really believe this?
And if so, how can Joseph go along with this? Enter the angel. Enter
the dream. The
story is full of meaning on many levels. Even if parts of the story
seem far fetched, it is part of our cultural tradition and Christian
folklore. Yet the historical Jesus did exist as man and there was a
birth. So entering into the scenes is a personal challenge for me. I
am exploring the historical versus the mystical Jesus. My renewed faith
pulls me toward the mystical. My sense of truth accepts the embellishments
though unreal, as expressing a deeper truth. I must enter the scene
as a real, extremely flawed person, subject to the same tempest of faith,
factuality, reason and doubt. Where
do I fit in among this world of images, stories? What character am I
in the journey into the birth process? I am reminded of my own saying.
Humility before the truth is needed to work with the truth. I
discussed this contemplative prayer technique with other friends in
a weekly prayer breakfast. Some people asked “What is the point?”
Others thought this was an extremely useful form of mediation and exploration.
Others talked in general terms about the meaning of Christmas and its
importance. One special friend talked about the importance of “intention,”
for example, by comparing the wise men’s purpose to Herod’s,
who had cynical motives and a selfish, tyrannical interest in the outcome.
The wise men have yet another dream and they return home without advising
Herod. We are with the wise men in our desire to follow the star. And
the importance of poverty. We are with shepherds in solidarity and humility.
So the interwoven images of the poor child and redeemer king draw me
in but make it difficult to come close. Am I a wise man or a shepherd?
Do I follow dreams and angels? For
me Christmas is full of symbolism and happy family memories. I am drawn
to my father and my grandfather, one aging the other a distant memory
from my childhood. I love to be with my sons during this time. I pledge
to share my faith in meaningful ways and not lay any heavy judgment
or guilt trip on anyone in the family who may not embrace or see the
same meaning. My life however, draws me toward the circumstances of
my own marriage and the parallels with Joseph. My
entry point into the story is therefore as Joseph’s close friend.
I compare my life with his predicament. When I am cynical, I am saying
to Joseph not to marry her. But I myself did marry my sweetheart when
I was young and so I change my mind and tell Joseph to go ahead, to
believe his dream. We were outcasts, our families looked askance, be
we remained a team, two people in love, a couple struggling to acquire
some basic things - and it all culminated in a humble birth for our
dear son. St. Elizabeth’s hospital did make room for us with their
free care program. We did thrive as a simple family unit in the following
years. I am the one who put all of this in danger with my egotism and
pursuit of selfish desires. It is time to heal and make whole. I have
faith and trust for everyone in my family and there is no need to put
any divisions into our tight little family unit. We need to treasure
these bonds and nurture them. And extend them some day as individuals
and community members when we are ready. Multiply our love with others.
So I am Joseph’s friend, maybe brother or uncle, and I can say,
put your trust in the Lord and even in man. Follow your dreams. If someone
lets you down, stand up and try again. The Lord will never let you down.
Don’t let selfishness or cynicism stop you from reaching your
better self. There, in the humility of the stable, you will find and
hold Him.
I’m on week 15a of
this great adventure. To anybody looking in at my life nothing has changed,
yet I know everything has changed forever. The last 5 weeks have moved
me profoundly. Initially I found it difficult to say yes because of
the implication namely accepting God’s Presence in my life. I’m
also beginning to appreciate that God is present in everything.
I feel so privileged
to be given the opportunity to meet and fall in love with Jesus and
through him the Almighty. Country of origin’ language, culture
seems less important than Trust hope faith as we are all connected by
LoveDivine inspiration has obviously been the bedrock of this site I’m
very grateful for thisBest wishes,Ger, Dublin Ireland
The special grace I came back to this week
was the grace of silence … not trying to talk my way through my
uncertainties but letting them rest with God as modeled by Zechariah.
The central piece
of my imagination being present in the stable revolves around the conversation
with Joseph and Mary when Joseph tells me that they have decided to
move forward to Egypt. I have just been holding the baby Jesus and even
though the stable can be cold, smelly and murky I like being here. Joseph
tells me that they will be packing up soon and moving to Egypt. I have
a hard time taking this in. I look at the baby and wonder how anyone
could harm a life-form that seems to bring so much happiness at all
levels – the very poorest and the rich and wise foreigners. I
want to continue to hold Him. Joseph tells me it will be fine. I’m
welcome to journey with them. “To Egypt?”, I ask. Joseph
reminds me that his namesake in history lived there not because that
was where he wanted to go but where he found himself and demonstrated
how openness to where we are now can be done in faithfulness and hope
and demonstrates how God can be active in our lives. Mary now is cuddling
the baby and reinforces Joseph’s invitation. She reminds me that
all one has to do is to have faith in God. I see that this is real for
me. I began the week not wanting to go back to work. I wanted to remain
at least in the stable. “After all this is still the Christmas
season, why do I have to deal with either mundane issues or issues where
there is no simple solution?”, I tell myself. But this is where
I am. I may well already be in my Egypt. I certainly want now to travel
with the same faith as Mary and Joseph and to nurture Jesus I any place
I find myself.Thank you for the opportunity to journey with you on this
retreat.
I started this retreat to help me through
a divorce and the changes in my life. From the beginning I have chosen
to look at the miracles that have blessed me during this difficult time.
As I looked at the divorce papers I found on the kitchen table after
getting home from work – At the bottom I envisioned they were
signed “love, Jesus”. I have trusted that this is where
I am meant to be at this time in my life. At times of loneliness or
sadness I literally have raised my right hand and taken hold of the
Lord’s hand and felt his support. My friends, church and family
have all been an overwhelming support to me and I count my blessings
daily for this experience that has filled me with so much love as humbling
as it is. This
week has brought all these things together – the baby Jesus grasping
a finger as I have reached for God’s hand so often the past 10
months; finding such peace in the humility of my new surroundings like
the Holy Family in the stable; and the last line of “In these
or similar words” it says “Thank you for coming to me, to
all of us, as we are in our own stables, standing in the darkness, wondering
what comes next.” Everyday I have wondered what will come next
and each day it has been something wonderful or wonderfully challenging
to immerse me even more completely into this new, deeper commitment
to Jesus.
As I read this week, I could not help think
of the many times when I have left Jesus standing outside of my stable
of life, saying Jesus wait until I finish this task or another task,
then I take time for you. Each week I am becoming more aware of the
love of Jesus for me, the many graces I have received and a deeper desire
to do the work of God. May God forgive me for the times, when for some
menial task, I have left Jesus waiting.
week 15a: I haven't shared
for a few weeks, I feel very disconected from the retreat. I did have
very strong feelings reading the "helps" this week.
Part of my problem is same old stuff, I didn;t feel as I was "good
enough" to be with the Baby Jesus and his family in the stable.
Still very sad over that. Will continue to move forward. I would like
to share I felt just a hint of closeness to Jesus as I recieved Holy
Comumion this past week. First time ever in my life. Thank you Jesus.
Looking back over the weeks of retreat, especially
the last six weeks I pondered the questions that this week asked...""How
much more do we understand who he is? How is our love growing?"
Last week
I was very much apart of the nativity scene. As a child I viewed this
as the coziest scene in the world. There was a mother, a father and
animals all aglow looking down lovingly at Baby Jesus. The love I felt
for Baby Jesus was the love my mother and father reflected onto me.
Next I reflected on the years of being a mother of small children and
seeing the baby Jesus through the eyes of Mary and Joseph because I
knew how much love my husband and I have for our children. These were
touching scenes of love and warmth.Something interesting happened this
week as I entered the scene along with the three wise men. I felt for
the baby Jesus and all he would have to go through in this life. His
crib became the cross and I felt such a sense of disappointment for
all of the suffering Jesus entered into and for all the painful circumstances.God
chose to put His Son in poverty to suffer, to be misunderstood, to serve
and encourage. I find myself disappointed like the other Jews who wanted
a savior more like Cesaer or Superman. I realize for the nativity scene
to not be a disappointment for me at this present time a shift in vision
is needed which requires greater trust and faith. For this fruit, I
am grateful.
Week 15a. This week serves
as a review for the the past weeks. Several thoughts came and went.
God's love for me that Jesus, son of God, was born to save me. Mary's
faith in accepting the mission.
This morning, a very strong feeling came. My anger towards my mother
was so great. My reason told me that I did not not want to be troubled
with my old memory but in reality I still feel the anger inside me.
I think that's where I need to ask for God's help and grace. I need
God's salvation in this area. Lord, have mercy on me.
The main grace that I believe I
received in the review of Week 15a was to look back over all
of my past sharings. I am trying to share at the end of each week
so this was a nice review of the last fifteen weeks of my journey.
There were many special graces that the Lord has blessed me with.
In our fast-paced multi-tasked world, it is easy to let some special
moments slip into the background when they could bear much more fruit
in the foreground of life. This week enabled me to pull from the
background some of those special moments of grace that have occurred
in the last fifteen weeks. It was nice!
I am grateful for this time to
reflect back on the graces I have received and to revisit areas
that I need to delve a little deeper. Thank you for building this into
the retreat. This has been a rough week, many challenges, the
in between time has been sparse. During a lunch break this
week, I asked a mother who brings her young infant into my work almost
every day, if I could hold the baby. She allowed me to,
and there I was in the quiet of the room. I sat quietly with the
infant and kept thinking how Jesus became so vulnerable as a baby.
How can I even grasp this? God becoming so small, for us.
I feel small at times, weak, and when I looked at this infant
I realized what a gift it is to be small and dependent on the
One who made us. (Week 15A)
What a relief to have a week of
review. I have been keeping an online journal in bits and pieces
throughout this retreat, but the further I get into the retreat the
less time it seems that I have to write down my thoughts and feelings.
Perhaps there is an element of fear there. If I write down my
reflections, that makes them more real in one sense. Thoughts
running around inside my head can be as wild as I like, but words on
paper - or even on a screen - seem to acquire some weight which makes
them more significant.
As I review the graces so far, I have to admit that I have come farther
on the road to Jesus than I could ever have imagined by such a seemingly
simple method as an online retreat. And I am grateful that the
journey continues and keeps going. For while God might be an odd
travel director by conventional standards, I find myself wanting nothing
more than to continue this journey. Week 15a.
I wondered last week whether I was supposed
to do weeks 15 and 15a at the same time, but decided to go the long
way and do them separately (without looking ahead, that is). It is good
that I did, for two reasons. First, it is clear that they are meant
to be done one at a time, and second, I needed this time to look back
over the first 15 weeks. The pictures helped, but what really did it
for me was reading the sharing notes for those weeks. Some were recognizable
as my own, but all brought back the images of the weeks. All also helped
me see my progress. It amazes me to realize how much more at peace I
am with myself and with Jesus. I have been praying all along for the
grace of perseverance to finish all 34 weeks of this retreat, and now
feel energized to continue and to stick with it. Lord, help me, I cannot
do it without You. And thank You for the blessings You have bestowed
on me.
For a couple of weeks my retreat stayed the 15th-a
week. Just remained there and savored what I have received last weeks
as the help said. And this week's retreat lead me to the deep contemplation.
Especially I often contemplated the meaning of Jesus' poverty. I tried
to find His coming into the poverty of my lives. As the time passed,
My everyday's lives seem to make more connection with the graces that
I have received through the journey.
Day 215 (review week - 15a) I have
been visiting Jesus, Mary and Joseph in the stable at Bethlehem. I have
sat in awe of this Infant, a sign of God’s Love, (as all infants
are, or should be), and thought of His life, together with Mary and
Joseph. I tried not to think in terms of His Godliness (and their Saintliness),
but rather of their humanity. I saw in Jesus a human being, who gradually
came to know who He truly was, and His destiny. I saw in Mary and Joseph
loving parents who surrendered themselves to the Holy Spirit, although
they too were not sure of where It would lead them. I saw the Holy Spirit
revealing to them what their lives were all about as day followed day,
as event followed event, until that Last Day, when Jesus was crucified.
"After this, aware that everything was finished, and in order that the
scripture might be fulfilled", Jesus said, "I thirst". I thought of
the moments just before His death, when he gave his mother Mary to his
disciple John as her son, and to John, his mother Mary. I saw in this
act Jesus’ love and concern for Mary. The future of a childless
widow was not very promising in those times, and so Jesus, as his last
act, ensured the safety of Mary, as he placed her in the care of John.
Having followed the human Jesus from his birth to his death, I will,
like his disciples, now glory in His resurrection, and adore and worship
Him as God, the Second Person in the Blessed Trinity. I’m not
sure if my thoughts are theologically correct, and hope they offend
no one. It’s just my way of trying to understand, and distinguish
the two natures of Jesus, and what it means to be "fully human" and
"fully divine".
Week 16
Week 16: Jesus as I reflect on your “growing up” years, I am drawn to the adolescent years. This is easy for me as my husband and I are knee-deep raising two boys ages 12 and 16. I imagine you helping your mother cook, clean and care for others. I am sure she was one of the first to reach out to someone who was sick or lost a loved one. Did you help her bake and take food over to a grieving family? I can see you feeling compassion for their sorrow or pain. I can see you helping your father and observing how he treats his customers. He is a carpenter, one of those occupations that do not land one high on the scale of wealth and status yet someone who is needed. Like today’s plumber or electrician; people may not be impressed with their status until they need one desperately. I imagine your father coming quickly and quietly to help a rich man whose roof has collapsed. Not a word is spoken about how the rich man has been condescending to your family in the past. I imagine you and your parents living with the grace of humility. We never hear of Mary and Joseph boasting about their son! And they had an angel tell them he was the Son of God! Some people I know only need a small remark from a coach or high mark from a teacher to set them off. I imagine you being a good friend with an easy smile and not particularly picky about who is joining in your games. I imagine you playing like my boys do. No matter what toy or gadget is available to them, everything leads to a wrestling match with much laughter and action. Most of all, I imagine you left people with a sense of wanting you to come back. Not really in anything you said or did but in how they felt when you were around. That is what I imagined in my prayer today.
Week 16: This retreat
journey is so full of surprises, within me and within the design or
the architecture of the course you have laid out. Twice now I’ve
felt I had lost the thread of my retreat because of life distractions,
was ready to quit, and both times you folks and the Lord have said,
“No JR, you can still continue the journey”.
The demon in me throughout my life is always trying to convince me that
I don’t belong, that I’m the weird exception, the outsider,
the unpicked in the land of the picked. As a new week starts is hesitate
to sign on to the audio because what could be there for me. Yet, each
week a part of me still wants to listen to the thoughts for the week
for the journey. When I’m through listening, if I’m serious
and truthful with myself there is always some dynamics in the week’s
reflection which are touching me; even if it is just me remembering
to say thank you to God for this retreat opportunity while I say my
good night prayers. There’s usually much more.
In my spiritual living, both in the context of these retreat reflections
and the spiritual mind I have with me through the day, I keep coming
back to this true awe at the vastness of the Lord’s love and acceptance
for me specifically by name, and for everybody in the world, throughout
time. All I need is this simple willingness to be open, to try just
little bit, and each time the Lord opens my heart and my eyes to magnificent
life, tangible and real; not contrived.
It’s a challenge for me to get into these Gospel scene meditation
that you often suggest. The nativity bit in the stable and the wet hay
and all was really hard. Then I realized I wasn’t really trying.
I thank you for the statements that this isn’t an intellectual
exercise, because relieved of that pompous distraction I’ve come
to hear your advice about using my imagination, and I know I have a
pretty active one of those.
You have a wonderful ministry, and I am very thankful for your effort.
Thanks for helping me open new horizons in my relationship with the
Lord and in my spiritual journey. You’ve crafted a find retreat.
Week 16: By one of those
small-scale miraculous coincidences, this week a friend has lent me
a book called "Playful Parenting". As I read it, I find myself
wondering how Mary and Joseph could ever have parented Jesus. It's daunting
enough with a purely human child! I pray that this week will help me
to see Jesus in my children more readily, and Mary and Joseph in my
own parenting.
-- Liz
Week 16:
I am not a theologian but it seems IN THESE OR SIMILAR WORDS the Dear
Jesus letter reads, "Once you (Jesus) cheated in a race and Mary
saw you do it." As I understand it cheating is a sin. Tempted to
cheat is not a sin. I believe Jesus could have been tempted to cheat
and made a choice not to cheat (sin). The sin is not in being tempted
but in the choice one makes. My thought is that perhaps this line should
be change in week 16 teachings. Peacefully yours, Elizabeth Paul
Week 16: I
found this a fruitful week of reflection. I found myself coming back
to three themes. I kept thinking of the utter faith in God of Mary and
Joseph and the effect of that on the young Jesus. I think of how many
anxieties we often go through as young children as we grow ... for example,
imagining giants in the corner, fear of darkness. Jesus' early life
was far from stable either so there would be even more opportunity to
develop natural anxiety. And that is where I see Mary and Joseph's modelling
... not providing distractions but rather using these times to teach
Jesus about utter faithfulness ... maybe Joseph or Mary tell him to
"look at the sparrows ... they are fine ... God provides for them
... aren't you worth that much more?". Then I see Jesus as he grows
immersed in relationships ... really relating to people, enjoying people
and not fearful about his own image ... because of this he understands
them more ... so that later ... he sees the core in others where others
only see disease and sinfulness. But Jesus also learned to retreat from
the busyness of these relationships and to refresh himself in contemplation
and also further learning which he uses to confidently go forward on
his ministry. I thank God for these images and ask that they help shape
how I relate to others and my ministry.
My deepest desire is that
my grandchildren know Christ. In the recommended readings this week,
the phrase “and he went down with them to Nazareth and was obedient
to them,” touched me deeply. Jesus, after letting his parents
know that they were not his master (God the father was) returned with
them. “He did not cling to divinity, but entered our human condition”
(Phil. 2:6) As I struggle at
this time with a daughter and grandkids that are part of a family
(the other grandparents) that disdain the religious aspect of Christmas,
my temptation is to anger and control – lashing out, judging,
proclaiming “my truth” in an authoritarian way…
In the scripture passage mentioned above,
I travel with the twelve year old Christ-child “obedient”
to the very human situation I find myself in (helpless!!!) I cannot
force God’s hand. With the twelve year old Christ beside me,
I pray to grow with Him “in wisdom and in years, and in divine
and human favor” (Lk.2:52), obedient, in trust, to the contingency
of my very human condition.
-- Anita
Week 16: I
had some problems with this week, mostly because I didn't just want
to "make up" stories about Jesus that probably would have
never been possible. I've actually done that too much ( as American
Catholics can be prone to), in my own religious practice. And so I thought
I would search for some historical fiction about the child Jesus, but
I didn't find anything immediately to read. So you can see that in a
way I began this week off the mark, at least in the spirit in which
the exercise was offered to us. And
yet, grace was offered. The review week was still fresh in my mind,
as was the Nativity week, and I was led to think about my own Catholic
childhood. One of the strongest links we used to have as a faith,
that set us apart, and presented us to the world as faith people,
was something we once had in common with Jews of Jesus time. That
is, there wasn't much separation between secular and faith life. Up
until the '50s and '60s, Catholic kids went to Catholic schools, Catholic
families had statues and plates and busts and holy water founts in
their homes, and we had a strong strong emphasis on prayer--at home,
at church, even in public. As a child, every day of my life was infused
with being Catholic, as I imagine Jesus and His Holy Family were infused
with Judaism. And although every Catholic my age can probably list
the disadvantages of growing up this way--from the secrets we kept
that are haunting us right now to the sometimes superficial ways we
practiced our faith to the GUILT:)--I really hadn't examined until
this week what might have been lost after those years. I think Pope
John Paul II talked about it in his millenium letter, how there really
are no longer cultures of nations totally blended with cultures of
faith.
I ended up with
a kind of "homesickness" for those years, a realization
that I had the chance to experience something special that I might
well have shared with Jesus as a child. I mean, every day of my life,
for at least as long as I was willing to pay attention to it, I was
told how much God meant to me. Literally the breath of my life, without
Whom I could not and would not exist. Every day I was reminded that
God was thinking of me, and of every other living being too. How could
that not have prepared and strengthened me, maybe even leading me
toward the day when I would begin these exercises to "reschool"
myself as an adult?
And my mom still
has the bust of the Blessed Mother, and the plates of the Holy See,
God love her.
-- Kait
Over Christmas
I found the retreats really helpful in getting more immersed in the
familiar nativity story, to think more of both Mary and Joseph's role
in bringing Jesus to birth and the care they gave him. More so in
Week 16 when I looked more closely at the life of
Jesus before he began his ministry. It was a period of our Lord's
life that I had glossed over and never thought much about before,
but I was more aware of how much Mary and Joseph had contributed,
rather than looking directly at Jesus. I then began to wonder why
I found it so difficult to look more closely at Jesus. Was I avoiding
him and if so why? Was it to protect myself from getting to know him
more closely, of loving him too much. Is this a defence mechanism
to protect against any possibility of feeling pain (mainly through
loss of the love I suspect, though why I would think that Jesus would
stop loving me I do not know). I am so bound by fear and what other
people think, that even if I do have times when this fear is broken
it quickly returns. I am resolved to continue through the retreat
and I am praying that as I continue my journey, my love for Jesus
will grow and drown out this fear, and that I will respond to this
by loving as he does. I do value your prayers.
Week
16: This week as I reflected on Jesus growing up I thought
about the incidents in his early ministry after he took up his calling.
I asked … "what especially prepared you, Jesus, to heal …
to anticipate the murmurings of the religious authorities … to
see the fundamental goodness in disciples like Levi and the other disciples
as well?" I think it broadened my view of Jesus. Somehow I always
had thought of the miracles as having just occurred through some miraculous
intervention of God working through and in Jesus. Similarly, in calling
the disciples it was almost as if God the Father had "text messaged"
Jesus with the signal … "that's the one". But looking
at it from a developmental point of view, I see Jesus' "incarnated"
much clearer.
Maybe he hung out with healers who knew the power of touch together
with understanding the overall person's needs. Maybe he experimented
with their theories. I also see Jesus following after Joseph and building
a big barn for the landowner. "Why does he need so much space?
He pays us with a small amount so we can bake bread but what will happen
to all that wheat if he dies tonight?" they discuss on the way
back. Then as Joseph sets out around the village and surrounding area
… making repairs here and there Jesus accompanies him and talks
to people. He finds that he listens and often he can get to the root
of what their issues are and they appreciate this. They find they know
themselves a lot more after talking with him. He sees family members
missing when he returns to their homes and finds they have leprosy and
so have departed and left the family. He feels the separation and knows
instinctively that these are also fundamentally good people. Of course,
we get a glimpse early in the Temple when Mary and Joseph go up to Jerusalem
and we can imagine as he progresses he reads and discusses more. But
he has a gift for understanding that Scripture is more than an intellectual
exercise. He relates it to a burning sensation that he has about what
God wants him to do and he sees that somehow it is and should be relevant
to the people he meets in his travels around the village.
So I feel I see Jesus in more dimensions now and I ask for the grace
that God will similarly use the developmental experiences in my life
to manifest his kingdom and that I can help others find their gifts.
Week
16: I find entering into Jesus' "hidden years" particularly
fruitful. Because the Gospels tell us so little, my imagination has
freer rein. However, I've hit a snag that has set me wondering. I see
Mary not as she appears in much medieval and current church art -- blond,
serene, virginal -- but rather as a thin, wiry, dark-haired Hebrew girl,
someone who matures into a strong, perhaps muscular young woman. A person
who can haul water, carry firewood for the hearth. Someone who laughs
easily, perhaps raises her voice now and then in irritation. And --
here comes the "snag" part -- I want to see her as the mother
of many children, not just the mother of Jesus. Family life is complicated,
hard, and I want Jesus to have siblings that he argues with, bumps up
against. In other words, I want a "holy family" more like
my own (I'm from a family of five children, had three children of my
own, and am
grandmother to four). But if my imagining goes against orthodoxy, does
that matter? I'm not sure. Mary IS the mother of many, Jesus IS the
brother of us all. So I'll rest in that thought for a while.
I think
of Mary holding and handling Jesus's "divine trust fund" for
the early part of his life. She observed so many extraordinary things
and what she did'nt see first hand Jesus told her about. Being w/o sin
must of made Jesus different in many sublte ways. I see this making
him feeling confused and alienated at times . So who else but mom would
he talk to about his feelings. I see her being an ordinary mom but intelligent
and ever growing in wisdom. Much of what she knew I see her keeping
to herself when Jesus was a child. How could she burden a child with
such wisdom. He need to play and explore so she held her own counsel
and let Jesus be a child. While she confided in Joseph some she didn't
want to burden him as well. My awe for Mary grew with this exercise.
"Jesus I love your mom too. Thank you for giving me a little glimps
of why You made her queen"
This type of imaginary sharing with Jesus is making me feel closer to
Him. It's happening!
greetings
to all of you . Week 16 remained rather hidden for
me. and seemed to pass very quickly.i was at home a good deal alone
. I think i was a little misled by reading too many other peoples ideas
on Jesus life in those first formative years. esp as an adult. It took
me a little from the images that were coming to me and i found a good
deal of resistance to seeing him as a compliant carpenter and son in
those times. i imagine he was always seen as a little odd. and i prefer
to see him drifting off into ideas and thoughts and conversations than
obeying social norms . it seems more likely to me. The time alone helped
me to consider the work god does in the hidden times. like a volcano
forming unseen by others really.
i was also seeing images which helped me greatly in my own life of a
spirit come to earth in the babys body and learning all that was wonderful
and terrible and ordinary about being human.
on one day i could almost see jesus saying to his father in heaven -
well this looked like a good idea when we planned it - but FEELING and
LIVING it is quite something else.
and i could sense the decisions made along the way. as to which way
he would go. what pain and love he could handle. what foods he wanted
to eat. Like a rolls royce come to earth in a mini minors body .
i have never quite been able to see god as human before. i could see
god in a human body but this week i could see that he actually BECAME
with all the crossroads we reach. Love to you all.
-- Nell from Tweed
Starting
this week trying to reflect on Jesus’ hidden 30 years, I focus
much on Jesus as a baby, probably because my daughter and her husband
are expecting their first in June! It has been a long time since a baby
has been in our lives for longer than a week or so; just a visit from
family or friends who live far away. Imagining Jesus as a 3 or 4 month
old baby brings a smile to my face! My own memories of my children as
babies flow in and, then, I imagine Mary and Joseph laughing and treasuring
each new and wonderful thing their baby, Jesus, does or learns…the
“sweet baby cheeks” and hands and feet! Did Mary ever think
ahead while kissing those sweet parts of Jesus…it’s a good
thing that God only gives us what we are able to bear and reminds us
not to worry about tomorrow…As I think of Jesus’ chubby
baby hands, I am brought back to memories of my middle son, Steven,
at the age I am imagining Jesus. Steven is preparing for the priesthood
and one day while at Mass as our priest raised the Body of Christ during
the Consecration, I pictured Steven’s baby hands that will someday
be graced to do the same…tears flowed…tears of missing him
so very far away, but, also, tears of joy and thanks for that vision.
Then I imagined kissing baby Jesus’ sweet hands…His palms
that would bear the nails one day, and the tears flow again…sorrow,
sadness, then, joy and thanks for what this Holy Child did for me…for
us. Prayers for you all. June
As
much as I desired otherwise, Christ’s “hidden life”
remains hidden for me. My imagination, usually active, yielded but two
brief glimpses: a boy running, bare-chested, grinning broadly at me
as I tried to keep up; the writing hand of same youth hovering over
the “chai”, the Hebrew symbol for the word “life”.
The only other fruit
of this week came from watching some of my children’s best friends
suffer under the advances of a bully. The school’s administration,
cowed somehow by the bully’s parents, refused to do anything.
So my children’s friends, under constant threat, had to leave
the school. I kept thinking of how Christ grew up in the shadow of Roman
occupation, how tax collectors and even temple leaders collaborated
with the occupiers out of fear. Of course, even Christ had to flee them,
living in Egypt—surely no welcoming refuge for a poor Jewish family.
No images of Christ in exile came to me, though. Just the tears of my
friends.-- Tom, Pennsylvania
Lord
Jesus, This
week I contemplated your life between birth and the recorded beginning
of your ministry. What was your life like? How did you develop? I thought
of the early days. I imagine that for 5 years or so you were a refugee
in Egypt.Your memories of that time were probably vague as you developed.
You would have remembered certainly that it was not a comfortable time.
Your family met up with others in the desert. Yet you also remember
it as a time of faithfulness. Joseph and Mary would tell you then and
remind you so many times thereafter that this exile … this wandering
… was an essential part of your faith history … God had
been faithful in days past to the exiles and would continue to be today.
You also remember how as a community of exiles you came together and
shared. And the desert wasn’t such a bad place itself. Yes it
could be bitterly cold … when the winds whipped up you remember
how dusty it became and quite sore too … like hailstones …
but when it was calm you remember the night sky and the vividness of
the stars. You can’t remember what the wandering sapiential mystics
of the time said but you could remember that you could see how they
found God in the roughness and beauty of that place. When you returned
to Nazareth you sometimes missed the vast quietness of the desert and
later often sought out the hills to recover some of the prayerful beauty
of quiet places.And when did you start to discover who was your ‘real’
Father? I imagine you in the years leading up to your 12th year. Now
in Nazareth, you are surrounded by family … making new friends.
These are also days when your religious education is more formal. You
enjoy both the formal religious gatherings as well as demonstrations
of your own parents worship at home. These are times when you feel a
special “tug” of inspiration as you learn about scripture
and even memorize Psalms and prophetic writings. Then there is the trip
to Jerusalem. Many years afterwards as you talk to friends who have
children you realize what worry you must have caused your parents. Yet
you found the interaction in the Temple so stimulating you had lost
track of time. You found that the learning and reflection that you had
done in Nazareth resonated even with some of the more learned teachers
of your day. You also knew that the “tug” that you felt
when discussing scripture was something more exceptional. You felt a
deep relationship to God your Father and you were now committing yourself
to following that call.Nonetheless, you went back to Nazareth and for
the next 5 years you worked and continued learning. You were certainly
a leader as you matured. But you also enjoyed relating to people. Later
you reached back to these experiences as you met people from all levels
in your society. You remembered one of your friends who contacted leprosy
and you remember feeling for him and his shame and isolation as well
as the devastation on his family. You recalled later your friend Levi
who took the easy route and became a tax collector. He had everything
he needed with the exception of respect. But you remembered how he was
fundamentally good and he was overjoyed when you accepted him back and
you transformed his life. You also observed Joseph’s patient faithfulness.
Through this you could more easily understand God as a God of Love and
not a God of rules as some of the more pretentious religious leaders
made Him out to be when they passed through.Then in your later adolescence
you started to explore more of the wisdom movements that abounded at
that time. Your cousin John was deeply involved in one by this time
and sometimes you would visit and debate with the teachers around him.
Your simplicity and willingness to get to the heart of the issue often
made people call you”Teacher”, a label which you found hard
to accept. Around this time you had a special conflict because Joseph
passed away and you felt an obligation to look after your mother which
you did. You continued the family business but you would find time to
continue to explore the wisdom movements. Your mother appreciated your
love for her and she also recognized that you had special gifts in making
the scriptures come alive for people where they were and she encouraged
you to continue to study with others, which you did. You were especially
drawn to some Psalms … “In the written scroll it is prescribed
for me, to do your will, O my God, is my delight, and your law is within
my heart! I announce your justice in the vast assembly; and did not
restrain my lips, as you, my Lord, know.” You thought of the scriptures
that you carried in your heart and you imagined yourself speaking of
them to your local assembly.At this time, you became more involved in
the running debate about what kind of Messiah God would send. You found
ironic that people would mix up their earthly hope … a Messiah
who would free them from oppression … and maybe make them richer
… with your reading of the God of Love. That “tug”
that pulled you when you were 12 became more of a beckoning call. You
discussed this with John and he recognized this was no normal call.
The voice of God was indeed inside you because You are the Christ.Praise
be to God.
I
am in week 16 and reflectng on the hidden life of Jesus.
While I was out walking this morning I was drawn to reflect on what
Mary and Joseph must have felt as they searched for Jesus after the
time in the temple. I work as a campus minister on a college campus
and I was dealing with a student who was very depressed over his girlfriend's
break-up with him. I had been working with him and having regular conversations
with him trying to help him through it all. Something he said raised
a concern and when I was not able to connect with him for over a day,
I really panicked. I likened this experience to what May and Joseph
must have felt when Jesus was missing. I was able to ask Mary to share
what she went through with her son. I felt some of the same helplessness
and worry, fear and concern that she did. The prayer experience brought
me in touch with this whole time in Jesus' life.
-- Mary
Week
16: Six months ago my mother died after a short but traumatic
illness. During her illness, and then grieving my loss, I knew Jesus
so close to me, comforting me. I knew this too with each of my three
miscarriages. But contemplating Christ's hidden years, especially his
family life, I now understand how he could so comfort me. Before we
hear of his cousin John's execution, and of his friend Lazarus' death,
Jesus has already watched his beloved father grow old, become more and
more dependent. He held his dying father. He buried his dead father
and held his heartbroken mother. There is no pain he cannot touch because
it has first touched him. Hallelujah.
Week
16 This is the first time I have been moved to share thoughts
in the Retreat. What has caught my imagination is the period between
the finding of Jesus in the Temple, "Did you not know that I must
be about My Father's business" and the Baptism, "This is my
Beloved Son, in Whom I am well pleased."One insight is that God's
time and ours operate on a very different scale.
It could not have been that Jesus was not prepared to begin His ministry
to us. It could only have been that we were not ready to accept His
teaching.I constructed a scene in which John the Baptist and Jesus discuss
the timing of the beginning of His public life. In today's vernacular,
the time spent to make sure John was "on message" as he prepared
the way. Fascinating to me if a bit secular.I was also able to reflect
on conversations between Jesus and Mary about the coming events of the
public life and the tests of endurance Mary would have to face as Jesus
fulfilled His mission to redeem our souls.Thank you for the wonderful
preparation for this wonderful week. I think I'll stay here a while
and enjoy the fruits.
week 16 I have been thinking
of Jesus growing up, wondering if he felt the responsibility of caring
for his parents especially his earthly father Joseph. I imagine that
he felt compelled to take care of Joseph in his old age. Keeping the
business going when his father became to stiff with age to continue.
Jesus respected Joseph, he couldn't abandoned him in his old age, it
would be humiliating for Joseph to accept help from others except his
family. Mary would accept care from others, women did. I imagine that
Jesus understanding of his mission was a gradual process. That his Heavenly
Father revealed it to him as needed. I too am gaining so much from this
retreat, learning about myself, Jesus and my relationship with God.
Thank you
It was interesting to contemplate
the life that Jesus led before his public ministry in week sixteen of
the Retreat. One of the images that really stuck in my mind through
the week was of a Jesus as a toddler running around the family dwelling
just screaming in fun. As I imagined Jesus maturing, I needed
to keep in focus that Jesus was like us in everything except sin.
Therefore, since Jesus had many human experiences, he never did anything
that would be sinful. Another image that stood out to me was Jesus
as a young adult as his friends were getting married. He celebrated
with them and rejoiced with them but somewhere deep inside himself he
knew that having a wife was not something that he was called to do.
I sensed as he matured that he would get in touch with this place deep
inside of Him where he could find his true self. Week 16
Getting closer to Jesus, the adult,
is a chore for me. I can feel close to God, but not to this older
brother…maybe because I never had, or was, an older brother.
The exercise of trying to know and feel these things is the important
part, though I can never know the Truth of it all this side of death,
and maybe not ever.
I have always loved the story of the birth, the bravery of the parents,
their ability to be “pioneers” and camp outside, even while
He was being born – the closeness to the Earth of that birth –
the animals and shepherds. As a child (and sometimes now) I always
wanted to find the star on Christmas Eve – to know that it was
The Star, and to have the level of understanding of the physical cosmos,
and belief in the mysteries of heaven that seemed to be there in the
Wise Men.
The part of Jesus, the boy, to which I relate, is that part that resembles
Samuel – the part that wants to be in the temple, “about
my Father’s business”. I know what it is to be the
oldest child - the pros and cons of caring for the younger siblings,
having special responsibility. Needing to learn my father’s
craft would be such a gift – that wonderful smell of new-cut wood
and of things coming together, as well as the comaraderie. I can
feel that close relationship with my mother, so close that some people
would say boys shouldn’t be that gentle, that caring. Being
a boy is difficult for me to relate to, but in these things I can.
I can understand wanting to get away to learn more, to follow what is
laid out for me, even though I am not quite sure yet what that may be
– both excited by the possibilities and frightened of the danger.
I know what it is to have people think I am wise, or brave, and to know
for myself that I am anything but that. Week 16
One begins to do what one is to
do in this life at age 30. At least that's what we were told many
years ago. Of course that isn't always true. It is sometimes,
though. It was true of Jesus. Or was it? A person
with a "Doctorate" and I were talking. I pointed out another possible
interpretation of something this person saw in one way only. The
"Doctor" said, "I am right. After all, I've been teaching this
for more that 20 years." We are always learning and doing, teaching
and showing, aren't we? Babies are wonderful learning experiences
for parents. I dare you to deny that! People who are in
their eighties sometimes change their minds, don't they? It's
true Mary and Joseph - and many others - taught Jesus. It's also
true He brought to the learning His abilities. It's rather obvious
both are needed: learning experiences and ability to learn and do.
Our environments, experiences and what we do, both, combine to "make"
us what we are. And, yet, there is somehow more to us than that.
There is a kind of unlimited thing, part of us, spirit, soul.
That's why thirty years or three years or even 30 minutes (or even three
minutes?) are enough! That spirit part exists in time and eternity.
God made us and supplies the experiences, gives us the example of Jesus.
We can do as He does. We can rise again. Thank God!
What a wonderful exercise this
has been. I found myself in the background of my day, thinking
about Jesus in a new way . The hidden life of Christ is so fascinating
, I have often wondered about Jesus, but never used this imaginative
exercise before so I did as best I could. The few graces I did receive
while contemplating Jesus as a toddler, young boy , and very young adolescent
make me love him even more.
I envisioned the inquisitive toddler , wide eyed and getting into everything,
touching Joseph's tools, playing at Marys'' feet and being under foot.
I loved thinking of Him exploring this world . I then had a wonderful
scene with Jesus as a young child playing outside and taking giddy
pleasure in watching a frog jump... then looking up close at a flower
and loving all of nature.... playing and chasing a puppy or a sheep.
I saw a curly haired boy with dirt on his face, getting into everything
that was available... so bright and inquisitive about everything.
I thought about Jesus being wide eyed, studying people, but in particular
, Mary and Joseph ; watching them do their daily chores, how they responded
to family and friends with love and learning. He must have loved
being at Joseph's side as a young boy, wanted to help in the shop, and
as most little boys do feel that Joseph was the smartest man in the
world.
He was very bright, but not overly aggressive as a young child, that
may have come as he needed to compete with the other young boys. He
learned his prayers, the scriptures at his fathers side, Joseph took
him to synagogue, what did he feel inside when he listened to the psalms?
Did it strike a chord of deep familiarity, this is something in his
very soul...so much apart of him?
I wondered how adolescence must have been like for Jesus, did he feel
his oats a bit and rebel as most adolescences do... remember the temple?
Did he feel a temptation to want boast or show how well he could do
everything... He did everything well.
I was wondering how did he notice young women, did he compete for attention
like the other boys?
I need more time... so much to meditate on...thank you for giving me
this beautiful experience.
It would be great to continue to think on this and remember that Mary,
Joseph helped form him and that he was delighted, frustrated, inquisitive,
contemplative, sullen, and joyful in His hidden years and remained faithful
and obedient always.
Week 16. I did not feel
too compelled to probe Christ’s hidden life this week, but maybe
I did despite myself. I kept feeling content with the few snapshots
of the flight to Egypt and the finding of Christ in the temple. For
me these fragments did fit well with this week’s photograph of
the dark-skinned, poor boy of about 11 years of age. It was truly a
picture of the child Jesus. The picture gave a beautiful image to the
fragments in scripture about the hidden life. This image did not allow
me to enter a scene of the hidden life, but I did find a grace from
the Holy Spirit. I recalled how often Jesus identified with children
when he described the basics of faith, love, relationships and fidelity
with God. I think he turned to children to pass-on his message because
it was such a strong image for him. I am sure that it had to do with
Mary’s ability to love. I am sure he experience the most perfect
love any human has ever had for God in the way his mother loved him.
Maybe, it became the perfect image of love for him: the love his mother
gave to God in caring for him. Maybe that love was the example that
allowed him to understand the importance of the cross.
When I imagined the scene of Mary and Joseph
coming back to the temple to find Jesus, I could not help but think
that I saw, after the initial worry and relief, Mary recognized in her
Son a glimpse of coming of age and maturity. Mary possibly even
seemed somewhat pleased to find Jesus in these circumstances instead
of say playing with the other children His age in the market square.
I reasoned that Mary was not that much older than Jesus when she brought
Him into this world. Also by our present day standards Mary is
still a young woman at this point. Admittedly I was reluctant about
trying to image myself in the moments of the last few weeks. I
do not consider myself to have a free flowing imagination. However,
by accepting to go with the suggestions, the last few weeks exercises
have been surprisingly insightful.
I am trying again. I am beginning week
16 after several weeks of being "stuck ". I have found other
wonderful resources to fill the void during this time however, and praise
God for the abundance of resources available in this country.
I thank God for the wonderful Christian friends in our Bible study,
the obedient priests in our city and the opportunity to serve which
allows me to see Christ in others. Praise God!
This is my 16th week of this wonderful
retreat. What an incredible experience of exploring and deepening
my relationship with Jesus. It is so heartening to have so many people
on this journey and so many people praying for me. I am praying for
you also. God Bless and keep all of us.
I will be on retreat from January 3 to January
10 at a Trappist Monastery and will use week 16. I will not have
internet access but would ask those making this week of retreat to remember
me in their prayers and I promise to share upon my return. I will also
pray each day for those who are praying for me. Thank you, Maureen
Week 17
Week 17:
I arrived at the week’s end realizing that my arrogance is such that I think I should receive eternal life with God even if I do it all my way – not follow Jesus.
Once during the week I prayed: Please, God, give me the grace to imitate Jesus in all things, even those that frighten me including not having sex “on demand,” sleeping outside, backpack my constant companion, public showers with the homeless, shelter on cold nights with drunks and mentally ill people and the daily meal at the same place with the hustlers, prison escapees, and gang members in hiding, receiving health care from practitioners and in facilities for the indigent.
This prayer seemed to open my eyes – if I am afraid of these services and facilities for the homeless and indigent, how can I make it so those that are receiving those services are not afraid? My silent, unmentionable desire is that I want to close my eyes again – I don’t want to confront or act on what I see...
Strangely, I also arrived at week’s end feeling closer to Jesus as I read and listened to the scriptures.
I don’t know how all this came together or where it will go. I feel very scared; I am acting arrogant; I am questioning what I see around me; I feel closer to Jesus.
-- Joe
I understand poverty, I grew up poor, at times in my marriage we were poor, my husband was an alcoholic/drug addict and all money our went to support his addictions. Even though I had a part time job, there were times when I had no food for my children and had to humble myself to call my mother to help, and of course she was furious. We divorced, our marriage was annulled, I went to work fulltime, but I was not in touch with my God, and so I just went through life one step, day at a time. As I look back now I can see where God was, but back then I just depended on myself or so I thought, he was there. For a while, I thought I needed material things to be happy and whole. I compared myself to my brothers and sister who are relatively successful, in life and possessions, and I felt less than they. So, I finished college, got a decent job, and there was still this emptiness. It's taken a few years, but I now realize what that emptiness was, it was a life without, without God, without love, without humility. Now that I've given my life totally to him, I'm so happy so joyful. My family thinks I'm so naive, that I look at the world differently than most, but they just don't understand. I'm not naive in the sense that life won't have it's detours, some painful, some joyful, but I never want to be without God ever again, he's with me through the hurt as well as the happiness. I now pray that he leads me to help someone else in some way, to use me for his mission. I hope I recognize what it is. Peace and blessings to you all, you're all in my prayers. Patti
Week 17: I'm starting week 17 and I have read some of the Sharing about week 17 & agree with a number of those who find this very difficult & disturbing. I'm 73 and until I turned 58 God was a fearful, punishing God. Love was not in the picture, spiritually or physically. I discovered the "God that loves" in a visit to a Charismatic prayer group. I am no longer involved but having gone there for 2 years made a tremendous change in my life. I had low self-esteem & this Good News helped me tremendously. I am most uncomfortable with the directions given for week 17. I do not plan to drop out of this Retreat but will have to do a lot of praying this week & see what happens. This Onlline Retreat is "home" to me. -- Jean
Week 17 The idea of poverty, dishonor, and humility is a great relief to me. Not to have to strive to be "important" or powerful or rich is liberating. It is liberating not to be looking for acknowledgement, or competing for attention. Although I have heard these ideas before, they somehow sunk in this week.
In praying through and starting to experience week seventeen of this retreat, I was startled by words that bothered me. I have read that if we are to seek peace her in this world, we must restructure our language to one of peace. Under Practical Help for Getting Started this Week, I read "Our Christian faith tradition has long pictured this struggle as a Battle being waged for our souls. Our effort this week is to understand the movements at work in this spiritual warfare." Perhaps, for me, one way to simplify my life--to work for poverty, dishonor, humility might be to prayerfully consider other words to use that would be less confrontative and say what is meant but in a peaceable way. My pray will be to think of this each day as I strive for peace in my small piece of this wonderful world. Thank you.
Week 17: I find the reflection
on the Two Ways of Desiring challenging. I recognize that one of the
seductive voices I fall for is the voice that tells me I can be perfect
... improve ... be happy. One metaphor that sticks with me is how I
collect gadgets. I am an "early adoptor" and each new gadget
I believe will make me more efficient or effective. Indeed, some do
... but a great many pass on. Similarly, in other places in my life
and particularly in my spiritual life I collect "things" to
make me improve ... to be happy ... to be successful. In themselves
these are not too bad until I see that they lie around the rooms of
my life on my terms. There is a quite a bit of clutter in these rooms.
But what would happen if I just sat here and let them all go? I don't
like being dependent. But I remember when I ran marathons that after
crossing the finishing line there were lots of people ready to help
you, take you by the arm, guide you to a place to rest that during the
race you would have resisted, but in your tiredness you are grateful
for. Maybe that's where I need to start in my spiritual life ... humbly
asking God to guide me, resting on Him in dependence. Then what would
happen if I were not successful or not delirously happy? I fear the
word "dishonor" but I would be resting with God. What if I
had no more gadgets ... real or imaginary? Then I pray that I would
be free to hear and feel where God wants me to go onto next.
Week 17: This is the most
powerful week yet drawing me like the magi to the baby Christ and His
birthplace for adoration and worship
--Curt
Week 17: I have been trying
to understand this week how it is possible to desire humiliation without
falling into the trap of self-loathing - a real danger for those of
us with a history of depression and/or eating disorders. I'm not sure
I'm getting very far with that, but I'm taking baby steps in the right
direction. I found the courage this week to withdraw from a project
that was stressing me, because I realised I was in it mostly to enhance
my reputation. I've also been thinking a lot about how I see myself
and trying to detach myself from unrealistic identities and self-images
- things which create false desires in me that I can't fulfil and that
would probably be bad for me if I did manage it. I think that has started
me on a path that will be a blessing.
--Liz
Week 17: 2Cor.13:11 spoke
deeply to me of blessing…”put things in order.” It
was time to act. It was time to be firm.
The grace this week – as I struggled with a community member disturbing
long-time good and creating mistrust and anxiety - was the strength
to “call the person back”. Phil.4:11 “I can do all
things through Him who strengthens me”, (from the recommended
readings this week) spoke to me of courage. On a deeper level, the struggle
was with my own personal integrity. My gut feeling about this person
was mistrust from the beginning, and I went against my better judgment
in accepting him. I had to let him and then the community know where
I stand. “What does it profit them if they gain the whole world,
but lose or forfeit themselves.” Lk 9:25
This week was a call to action out of deep listening.
-- Anita
Week 17: This is my first
sharing. The fear of putting spirituality into writing is that it confirms
a commitment followed by a responsibility and finnalt an accounability.
So what this lesson has revealed to me by the grace of God is that I
have built a fortress on the world in all my other accountabilities.
So being in the confines of riches, honoe and pride every thing just
seemed normal. Then came fear of chafe tather than patience with the
present and waiting on God. As I try and have tried to break the walls
of the worls I have found how sturdy of a structure I was encapsulated
within. The world I slowly buildt brick by brick. Now I will pray and
wait as only by the grace of God can this sinner be saver. The walls
are think for this creature.
Week 17: I recently made
the decision to leave my job and organization that I've been part of
for nearly 30 years and change my career. I feel I have battled for
the last 5 years at least with the concrete challenge of "how do
I define myself?" I was disappointed when I did not get selected
as CEO 5 years ago. It felt like utter rejection and I was determined
to find something that would equal the status. It was really only through
going through this process that I discerned that leadership itself is
a charism and so I needed to be guided by God as to where to deploy
it. When I first told my boss about my decision I experienced first-hand
the temptation of the "Evil One" (I'm not suggesting that
he is the Evil One!). He told me that I should wait it out … there
are more prestigious places where I could get a job … he would
even help me … or if I remained with the firm I could make even
more money and then use it for whatever purposes I wanted. I seriously
thought about this for 24 hours. It was quite attractive. I hope I did
make the right decision … certainly I made it resisting the temptation
to hold out for more possessions or more prestige. Thank you for this
Retreat.
Week 17: This is my third
try at doing the on-line retreat and the attempt has been easier than
the previous ones. That is, until now. I suspected I would hit a bumpy
spot and week 17 is definitely it. It is so very hard for me to think
of giving up "riches and honor," for they represent security
-- and for some reason, security is very important to me. I am 70 years
old, a widow, comfortably well off: good health, enough income, family
and supportive community close by. I am intensely grateful for those
blessings, but also fearful of losing them. What if health or money
were to disappear? Would I still be able to praise God, thank Him for
His many gifts, accept the life I would suddenly face? I don't know.
Perhaps my faith is wispy, a product of overall good fortune. I recall
vividly an incident from 20 years ago when I found myself in a local
pharmacy. I was there to have my blood pressure tested and, standing
in a long line, realized that almost everyone in the line was old (that
is, older than I), and also a bit shabby looking. My immediate reaction
was, "But I don't WANT to be old and poor. To be old and poor is
to be looked down upon." What a revelation of my real values, as
opposed to the values I professed! So now, I'm struggling with the "poverty,
dishonor, humiliation" mantra. As some sharers have indicated,
I don't see those three things as active goods to be pursued. Who wants
to be poor, dishonored, humiliated? Rather, I see riches, honor, and
pride as worldly "goods" that I must try to put aside, dampen
down, trim back as far as I can in order to make room for the Lord and
for the work that He wants me to do during the time that remains. Intellectually,
I know that this process can be freeing. I never
felt lighter or less burdened than when I gave away what were, for me,
significant amounts of money -- and did so with "no strings attached."
Now, some years later, I can only pray for help in working toward the
freedom that will allow me to truly follow Him.
Week 17: I am repeating
this Retreat which I first did three years ago. This time in week 17,
I see very clearly how much my desire for riches, pride and honor dictates
my choices. It isn't about money or possessions for me, although I have
more than enough, of these things. It is all about the approval and
leadership status that I receive from doing the work that I do. It's
so much about the recognition and affirmation that I consistently receive.
It's about being seen by others as gifted and effective in my work.
I see in this week of the Retreat, the strong hold that this desire
has on me, because I can't easily bring myself to pray that God change
this for me.
I am resisting spiritual poverty. Here is where the world has its hold
on me. This is the place where I hold on to control in my life, and
it must be the desire that has kept me from trusting God, more completely.
I am humbled to understand this and I wonder if I will be given the
grace to change. Maybe I will be able to pray about it after all.
-- Linda
Week 17: There is a Balm
– a balm of Gilead – and so this retreat is a balm for my
soul. After downloading week 17 – I realized I am walking with
and through week 17 readings. I thought I was finally making it in life.
I had finally accumulated 4 ½ years at one job ( I am in my 50’s)
benefits, tuition reimbursement, started to actually finish my Master’s
Degree, was a candidate for job promotion then…life changed. My
mother was not doing well at assisted living anymore and we decided
that it would be best to move her in with us. I don’t have blood
relatives to help but managed to find community resources that can help
me with my mother who has some dementia and long standing mental illness(chronic
depression). My job did away with part time flex time hours and so I
had to quit and recently took a part time job with less than half pay
and no benefits – so that I could be close to home. This truly
is a walk of faith and trust in God-I have been humbled. You see I am
an ego maniac with low self esteem and I do believe that got finally
got through to me that it isn’t what I do but what I am my character
is what counts. I work with a young lady that is 30 years younger and
she somehow got the life manual. She is able to do what I have finally
learned this past month about human character and humility and simplicity.
I am a very slowwwww learner.
greeting to you all. this week has touched
me deeply. i was moved by the sharings and pleased to encounter others
whose lives are seeming failures in the normal world. my own life through
the series of decisions since i came into recovery has led me not to
wealth , lovers or success - but to pension and humiliation and a very
simple life. these were not the result of my greed or poor choices but
it seems to me - the result of 18 years of consciously trying best as
i have been able to follow the golden thread of gods leading. so i was
pleased to hear of others who in the 'affluent' countries face the challenges
of being amongst the almost unseen otherworld. the ones who often count
for very little in the eyes of society - even their ' spiritual' society
which for me is amongst recovering addicts .
" i have learned to be satisified with all that i have." was
the saying which touched me the most. what an exciting life . wear the
shoes of peace i read as well this week and for a non peaceful woman
i was pleased tor realise that i do at least know what that means. dayenu.
this is enough. this is good. yours with love.
-- nell from tweed
I am still in week 17 and
it is as if I am paalyzed. Something I read stopped me dead in my tracks.
I literally walked away from the retreat until this morning. It was
then that I decided to write about my paralysis.
Up to this point the retreat has gone rather smoothly with new insights
and new challenges, but when I reached this week, it was as if God was
asking too much and I couldn't face it. (I know now that it wasn't God;
it was my own pride and selfishness that was getting in the way of handing
everything over to the Lord.)
Once I sat and prayed with all of that today, I had a renewed sense
of beginning where I left off. With God on my side, I cannot go astray.
This was a powerful reminder to me of the presence of the evil one who
desires to sidetrack me from what I know I want and desire--a deeper
relationship with the Lord.
With all of that said, I feel I can pick up where I left off. It has
been good to have a place to write about what is happening. I don't
do it often but I do it when I know there has been something holding
me back or there has been some breakthrough.
-- Mary
Two ways of desiring? Actually, neither
of your ways appeals to me. Riches,
honor, pride? Don’t even speak to me of those things. I have voluntarily
earned no income for the past ten years. My social status is somewhere
between “invisible” and “disdained”. As for
pride—who am I? I don’t even maintain a sense of identity
solid enough on which to hang the trappings of pride. Am I conversely
to desire poverty, dishonor, humiliation? No! Resoundingly no! That
would be to desire injustice! If you do not believe me, then shall I
bless you by offering to do unto you such as would impoverish you, dishonor
you, humiliate you? Should I desire to impoverish, dishonor, humiliate
Christ? Are we not members of his body? Is he not poor, dishonored,
humiliated enough? While we accept our crosses to join with him and
be like him and love through him, should we not also accept the riches
of his creation, the honor of being heirs to the kingdom of heaven,
the pride of knowing that in him, we are already seated at the right
hand of God the Father in heaven, loved and cherished by Mary, the angels
and all the saints, and depended upon by the souls in purgatory for
our prayers? This is the way I choose.
-- Tom, Pennsylvania
I
found this week’s exercises challenging as I have when previously
I used them. My temptation when I get to the part of the prayer “and
physical poverty if that will advance God’s kingdom” is
to add “but if you’ve got anyone else in mind maybe they
would do a better job!” I need to sit longer with St Paul’s
reflection, “I have learned to be satisfied with everything I
have. I know what it is to be poor or to have plenty, and I have lived
under all kind of conditions”. But
I think I can get over that particular struggle. I think I can also
get over the big battles over “How do I know who I am?”
I can clearly relate to the forces of the world that have won over me
at various times. In St Paul’s list of things in which the world
wins in his letter to Galatians I think I can apply that list to me
at some point in my life … maybe with the exception of witchcraft!But
where I found the challenge this week is in the more subtle parts of
responding to the various voices of the world that call me. The most
subtle call is the call to busyness and goal achievement. Now I’m
sure that I still hear my mother telling me that “idle hands are
the devil’s plaything”. As we know having goals are good
and keep one focused. But often for me they become an obsession that
defines me. Then taking on more tasks becomes more important. Often
these are good in themselves but taking on more for the sake of recognition
and feedback creates an environment where I build up more anxiety …
more impatience … and move further from God.Then there are the
subtle pulls of wealth creation. It’s relatively easy to respond
to the call to be generous but sometimes I think that response is closer
to Saul’s response to Samuel (from Monday’s reading) when
Samuel tells him he has been unjust in battle; “But we sacrificed
to God the first spoils of our capture”. I think of my call to
Leadership. I get depressed sometimes because I think I should have
the top leadership role in my company or I could do a different, bigger
role in another organization. Sometimes I even believe I deserve this.
Of course, I can discipline myself and be very focused on what I have
to do now for my colleagues. But I wonder about the more subtle aspects
of this. Have I omitted chances to further God’s Kingdom and to
respond to this call by ignoring opportunities purely because I wanted
to preserve my economic interest? Of course, I can justify this and
think of “what my family needs”. So pray that when that
pull becomes especially tough I take the call of Jesus … stripped
of arrogance or pride … maybe even foolish in some people’s
eyes … but humbly placed behind his banner.
This, the 17th week, and only half way through
it, has yeilded fruit. Up to this point, I have read most of the readings
and engaged my imagination, my reason, and sometimes my memory, and
its been OK but no real breakthroughs. But this week's opening summary,
"Two Ways of Desiring," hit me right between the eyes. Giving
up status based on material wealth, other people's opinions, and selfish
impulses, and coming to rest in the reality of being God's beloved helped
me to "see the light." Yesterday I experienced a long moment
of peace and content, and I had a revelation that, in my past, Christ
had manifested his goodness during a period of time when I was very
far from the Church--such patience and incredible generosity! Anyhow,
I just wanted to share that.
Peace,
David
I have just started week 17
and realize how God is answering my desire to know him on a deeper level.
When I first made this retreat in 2002, I prayed for actual poverty
so that I could be more like Jesus who was born in the humble surroundings
in Bethlehem. Today I realize how graciously God has answered my prayer.
In May of 2004, my teaching job ended and my husband's salary was cut
almost in half. This fall, my husband's salary was cut again. We now
have exactly enough money to pay our bills from month to month barring
any unexpected monetary expenses. For the past year I have been working
actively as a counselor at a Pregnancy Crisis Center, and will be going
to my first Right To Life march in Washington D.C. January 20. The fruits
that have come from my desire to grow in my relation with Jesus has
led to an authentic poverty of spirit and material wealth, which has
been extremely humiliating for my husband and me. This has led both
of us to a deeper sense of true humility and a greater love for the
Lord and each other. We have to work together for financial survival.
We have had to downsize all of our spending habits. This Christmas,
for the first time in our lives, we adopted a poor family and brought
a little joy into their lives. On January 6, we sent another load of
supplies to them in honor of the Epiphany. This has brought deep satisfaction
and grace into our lives. Each day has become an adventure as we continue
to "Keep our eyes fixed on Jesus". Thank you again for making
this retreat possible.
-- Sandy
After just chugging along for several weeks,
this week hit like a brick wall. I read the readings on All Saints--funny
that the Beatitudes was the Gospel reading for that day. A "God-incident"
as my priest would call it?
At any rate, I think we need to be a bit careful here. Poverty and poverty
in spirit are very different concepts. Although I know advertising media
promotes the affluent lifestyle, on the flip side, I don't think anyone
would argue that poverty itself is ennobling. Being in want often makes
people mean and little. It's also a very different thing to choose,
to voluntarily embrace poverty, versus it being forced on you. Lots
to think about here.
week 17: I have been very empty the last
few weeks, I have not been able to do the exercises as discribed. Maybe
I am just too lazy. I want Jesus to be bigger than me always, I don't
want to picture him as a baby very much.
It is hard to say that.
This weeks lesson is very interesting to me and seems to hit me right
where I live. I am retired and living on just my social security check.
I don't manage it very well. I have spent long hours wishing for "more"
and tying to scheme ways to "get more".
I have things that I do, but don't get to seem important to others.
I can see how I can feel very rewarded by just doing it now.
I have been invited to vacation in another state with some friends and
have no cash to spend buying them thank you gifts or taking them out,
that type of thing. It has put me in a very sad mood, to the point I
didn;t want to go, along with my fear of flying. I have been just wanting
it to be done and over with. I have a feeling now, that I can just go,
put my trust in the Lord, and see how things will be just fine.
Just be grateful , just "be".
I think I am still very young in growing in this retreat. I will continue
on and trust it is okay if I do that without "getting it perfect"
Peace to all who are also traveling this retreat.
Sometimes I think I am doing all the right
things, I pray everyday, I ask the Lord to guide me, to help me make
the right decisions etc. I tell him I want to do his will. Then I get
hit with a curve ball. A problem that doesn't have an easy answer, one
that involves enabling. Enabling seems so Christlike yet it doesn't
solve any problems. You think you are being compassionate and helping
yet the problem continues. And when you stop helping you feel so guilty.
I have two such problems right now and I pray that God leads me and
I hear and see the way he wants me to go. Week 17
Somewhere along the way I have stumbled.
I have pulled back and tried to control. I guess it is because I feared
where the retreat was leading me. This idea of independence is so strong
yet I know the end result is so distructive. Why am I afraid to say
yes and cross over? My faith is not strong enough to walk this walk,
yet my yearning and searching is carrying me along. I simply don't feel
worthy of God's love. Week 17
Week 17 This week's retreat
seems over the top when it calls for an ". . . incredible desire
for dishonor, humiliation, and contempt" in order to place oneself
with Jesus. Ridding myself of arrogance, of pride, and preoccupation
with material things okay -- but must I seek punishment to become humble?
I'm either missing the point or simply not ready . . .
Early in the retreat there were some prayers from "Guerillas of
Grace" (Ted Loder). There's one excerpt from the prayer "Gather
Me to Be with You" that somehow helps this week:
"Oh Lord, release me
from the fears and guilts
which grip me so tightly;
from the expectations and opinions
which I so tightly grip,
that I may be open
to receiving what you give,
to risking something genuinely new,
to learning something refreshingly different."
I find myself stumbling on the retreat as
I enter week 17. I understand what is being asked of
me, and I understand my stopping place. For spiritual poverty I do pray
and will continue to work. I understand that friendship with Jesus leads
in that direction...always. I cannot pray for actual poverty, however.
I have been there, and to that insecurity of the next meal, and the
humiliation of asking for help. Voluntary, protected poverty is one
thing, and I think the church did well in establishing a workable model
of voluntary poverty in its orders. But not actual poverty. I don't
think that anyone should pray for that.
So, I know where I am stopping on this retreat, at least this time,
this year.
But wait, I am not stopping. There is plenty enough for me to work for
in terms of spiritual poverty, that I am not actually at that crossroads,
if there ever is again such a crossroad in my life. I may not get anywhere
close to where other people get...let alone the ignatiuses of this life,
but I am continuing....with God and me knowing I cannot pray for what
I think is not good for me. Some of us have already lived more risks
than what are healthy for us.
Through a difficult set of circumstances, I found the place in me that
I call arrogance. That is what I am asked to give up for the Lord.
Week seventeen of the retreat
caused me to look at my life and the desires that are part of it.
I knew that I too often act on my desire to achieve the recognition
of others. However, I was surprised to find throughout the week
the multitude of my behaviors and responses that were part of my life
in order to look good in the eyes of others. I can feel the yearning
in my heart for a detachment from all of this and the freedom that I
can find only in God. However, I am further away from this freedom
and the desire for this freedom than I thought I was. I
pray that God will help me to desire and ultimately live in the freedom
that can come only from God.
During this week (17) ,
I have seen myself in a light that I do not always take the time to
see, that is a quietly prideful person. Pride as bragging has
not been my style, but this week, I noticed times when I felt superior,
or smug in my mind . This week has really made me aware of a subtle
sin, a sin that is very damaging to me and in my relationships.
I want to be more like Christ, and be more humble , and by that I mean
open to God.
There is always a choice to be made day by day, moment by moment , and
the seduction of pride, comforts, and putting myself first is there.
The choice of looking at Jesus's patterns of living and imitating these
are my desire.
I love to meditate on Mary and I know that she will lead me closer to
her Son . She was humble and trusting in so many situations, she
chose the good, never the easy.
Please give me the grace to choose good over evil. Thank you for
this week.
Week 17 Lord, take
what I don’t need which is everything but you. More importantly
Lord, remind me every day that I need nothing but you. Especially take
those items of self-infatuation. Let me lean towards humility where
peace is abound.
The 16th week of retreat lasted so long .
At that time almost everyday I was so tired with my work and was always
so busy. So I thought maybe I couldn't continue this retreat. But the
17th week's retreat gave me a chance to reflect on myself in
everyday life. Then I realized that my busy works resulted from having
something outside me affirm myself. they surely must root in my
desires-especially riches, pride- unlike the way of Jesues' desires.
Now I'd like to newly start my retreat and live the way of Jesus' desires
differently from my life before.
I'm on week 17 - two ways of desiring.
I realise how much of my life, particularly in my work, is based on
wanting honour, so that I fret and worry terribly when facing even mild
failures and am envious of other people's successes. I don't know where
I'm heading at the moment. Please pray for me.
The first full week of January (17)
this retreat challenged us to think and pray about poverty, dishonor,
and humility. What a direct hit that was for me. Through
my mistakes (humiliation) I am possibly facing bankruptcy. Right now
I am not able to keep up with the payments I owe to my creditors (poverty).
If indeed, after meeting with a counselor, I find out I will have to
file for bankruptcy (dishonor), my spirits will be very low. Some
people might say I won't have any problems then, my debts will be wiped
out. However, it is something that will stay on my credit report
for 10 years. It will keep me from purchasing anything on time,
particularly a car or house. I have kicked myself enough, now
I turn to God. I thank God the Catholic Church has the Sacrament
of Reconciliation. It gives us a chance to start over and awakens
God's Spirit within us. I hope society will forgive me for not
being able to pay my debts. I feel broken, humiliated, and an
outcast because of my problems. This
week I respond to God. I talk to Him and tell Him I want whatever
will bring Him honor and glory. I know my financial troubles have
been the center of my life for a long time. Now it is time to
place God in the center. All gifts come from Him. I need
only to place my total trust in Him. Most
Gracious God, I beg your forgiveness for my failures in this life. Strengthen
my resolve to trust in Your faithfulness to me. May all that I
do, all the lives I touch today, bring honor and glory to Your Sovereign
Majesty. Remind me often, You are near especially when my
fears overwhelm me. Thank You for loving me and for choosing me
to be one of Your followers. May I never forsake my promise to
remain close to You. Amen.
Although some parts of this retreat have
been a blessing, many parts have been difficult. The Annunciation
stayed with me for over two weeks as I considered the greatness of Mary
in her response -- and whether I am saying "yes" in accepting
God's love in my life. As this new year begins, I pray to follow Mary's
example of trust -- her trust in the Annunciation, in going to
Egypt, in letting Jesus go on His mission as a
young man, and in standing at the cross. None of these were easy
things to do -- and would have been impossible if she didn't trust God.
As
I considered "pride, honor, riches," (17) it came to me that
Mary rejected all of them at the annunciation -- and her "yes" continued
faithfully throughout her life. She lived with humility, dishonor
and poverty. Actually desiring these things still seems alien
to me, but it is becoming obvious that that is where dependence on God
leads.
Week 17a
This week (week 17 a) hasn’t
seemed to go too well. There was so much going on at work that I didn’t
have much background time to review. And I certainly did not find myself
able to “smile inwardly with joy.” And I fell too often
into my old patterns. I did keep trying to pull back into focus, but
without too much success. Even my structured prayer was so distracted.
But I realize the necessity to keep trying & to keep to my schedule
of spiritual exercises even if they are not perfect. Then
on Friday, something happened to remind me that God DOES take care of
things, even the material ones related to everyday work. I think this
was to show me that I do need to trust in God & He will provide.
But, sadly, even though I recognized this, by the evening I was back
in the rut of being overwhelmed & repeating the scenarios that overwhelmed
me…my pride & desire for perfection, I have to do it all…the
opposing forces!! I do not know if I am ready to go on to the next week.But
wait…practical helps remind us that when we are moving toward
the Lord & desiring to know Jesus, love Him, & follow Him we
can expect that we will have conflicting desires & old habits that
will become unreasonably more powerful just now. Although, I couldn’t
“chase them away easily with a smile” I do recognize them
as the devil’s work & ask Mary, Jesus, God our Father, &
the Holy Spirit to help me to resist these patterns that are pulling
me away from the poverty of spirit (humility, trust in God) that is
Jesus’ way. Also, the other thought to remember is that our progress
is by God’s gift. I just have to stay open & trusting that
He who has brought me this far & given me so many graces in this
retreat, will continue to help me move along this journey…at the
pace He sees best for me. The inner joy that will come eventually is
not dependent upon my successes, but upon my life being placed with
Jesus, in God’s hands. So it is time to move to the next week
& trust in God’s perfect & on-going love.A heartfelt thank
you to those you make this retreat possible and to the fellow retreatants
who remember each other in their prayers. Please continue to pray for
me, as will do for you.
I have been praying for my 41 year old sister
who has been spiraling down for sometime. She lives in a different state
and removed from me physically but not spiritually. I have been praying
for her and her daughter who are both in trouble again... but I know
praying is not enough she needs some action on my part. This week I
place all my sinful actions in responding to her before God and I ask
his forgiveness but I also pray for his direction in the best way to
help without enabling her further and without making my husband angry.
She is such a lost soul and has taken her daughter down with her. Please
pray for her as well Week 17a.
In the "For the Journey" section
of Week 17a, there were a few powerful lines that stood out for
me. "Most of the great saints of history have had to live in the
presence of their pasts. They had to face how fragile their sense
of fidelity might be." What a comfort to be reminded of this.
I need to be able to live with all aspects of my past -- the good as
well as the sinful. I also need to be able to live with the possibility
that I may not always make the right decisions and fall in to sin in
the future. There is a sense of freedom in realizing that.
Eight weeks ago I prayed for the strength, faith, and courage to live
out my 'yes' to the Lord. I know that I can not let past failures
nor the possibility of future ones hold be prisoner. I must always
move forward and always try to do the right. I have to trust that
the Lord guides me and is pleased in my goodness and picks me up in
my failures.
As our Lord faced the temptaions
of this world, he also showed us how to overcome them because God is
all powerful, and all power comes from Him for his glory and through
Him through Jesus Our Lord, and empowerment of the gifts of the Holy
Spirit. the evil ones continue to test God's followers by testing us
as in the gospel of Mathew, to want power, fame, fortune, prestige of
the world.
To OVERCOME these temptations, We focus on our all powerful Lord God,
by trusting in God, that God will provide for all our temporal and well
as spiritual needs and to keep in mind that things of this world do
not last. To overcome the wants for worldly desires we, focus on service
to others for by loving others we are loving God and doing His will.
Thank you Blessed Trinity for guiding us in this journey. Amen Week
17a
My state of life. Sometimes
I just don't see that "I have all I need." I can list things I don't
have, that others have, and start down the road to desolation (are the
ninth and tenth commandments meant to help us not go down this road?)
Wish I had more money, friendship, excitement...but I know I have good
health, family, and an established career, one that was chosen wisely
and carefully invested in over the years. (You must have been
guiding me, Lord!). I fight a daily panic to accomplish more, head off
worries, and flee desolation...
But as I reflect I see the many comforts. My desire now is to
see the goodness of my daily life, and be thankful each day. But
since this has been a struggle for me on my own, Lord, I will need your
help.
Week 17a, another ‘twofer’,
and I can’t help but observe how few comments are found in this
transition week. The week has been difficult for me, too, in that I
have had less time than in other weeks to concentrate on the theme(s)
of the week. It is another invitation to look back at our experience
of the retreat so far. In many ways, I see that I have traveled far.
At the same time, there is a sense in which I remain where I was at
the start. Still a little reluctant to completely ‘let go and
let God,’ yet much more aware of His presence and of His call
to become what I was created to be. I struggle with my worldly life
and its demands. I want to be more attentive to Christ but, like St.
Paul, I continue to do the things I don’t want to do rather than
the things I intend. I cannot do it alone as I have tried to do for
so long. I need Christ. I pray for an ever-growing love for Him and
His people, and for the grace to ‘do whatever He tells me.’
I'm stalled out here at week 17 review.
This retreat has been an awesome experience for my spiritual life.
It has really helped me become closer with God to the point that I may
be afraid to go deeper, that he may tell me things I don't want to hear.
The graces that I have experienced are overwhelming. I have and
continue to receive more than I deserve. Part of the problem is
that I over commit myself and then everything I try to accomplish suffers.
I need to simplify things and re-prioritize my work tasks with I Am
Third. Reading the other sharing's has helped and I know
that I need to spend more time sharing my faith with others in person.
I try to attend Mass on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6:30 am and unfortunately
missed both last week and this has compounded my problems. I know how
important it is to keep with my prayer schedule and 'm committed to
sticking with it and actually increasing prayer when things seem the
most hectic. Some of the Graces that I received just this
last weekend; my three year old son sang me the first song that he has
learned (I see Blue Skies), I spent some real quality time with my father,
my wife was off on retreat for the weekend and she came home Sunday
night aglow with the Lord, I went on a fantastic bike ride with my seven
year old daughter and one of my best friends and his son on a warm sunny
day and our Priest blessed my daughter at communion with the Eucharist,
he has only done this one other time, she makes her first communion
this May.
Week 18
Week
18: I found it helpful on my everyday, walking around reflections
to follow one of the suggestions and to pray "My life is in your
hands". The attachment I focused on was "My old house ...
city". I moved last Spring ... a decision fuelled in part by following
this retreat previously. But I have been missing my "old house
and neighbourhood". I realise that up to Christmas things had been
stressful both at work and with some household issues to do with the
move that I was in a sort of rebellion about my new situation. I was
quite happy to set-up to come back for several trips this quarter ...
one when I was on my way to a conference and then I booked 2 weeks at
Easter. Now part of that is that I had promised my son we would "cash
in" on a fishing trip we "won" at a silent auction and
then I've justified it by having to do some research. But really it
was more reflective of wanting to do things on my terms. Of course,
my wife is much more adaptable and has been gently prodding me ... why
do I keep wanting to go back? I think it has been helpful. Prodded but
loved ... which I think is the Lord's way! On these terms i can certainly
pray more enthusiastically "Lord, my life is in your hands".
Week
18: “There lies the deepest freshness deep down things.”
(G.M.Hopkins)
These poetic words reinforced for me the words of Psalm 131 of the suggested
prayers this week. The image of a babe in a manger (it being Christmas)
brought to mind another scripture passage: “…you have hidden
these things from the wise and intelligent and revealed them to infants.”
(Mt.11:25)
New life has the radiance and freshness and dependence of a newborn,
like the birds of the air and the lilies of the field that are looked
after by God. How I long for this freshness…
-- Anita
Week
18: I found this week's reflections more challenging in some
ways. I'm not sure exactly why? Maybe it's because I am excellent in
the state of either procrastination or complete rationalization about
a lot of elements in my life. Perhaps, it is because the struggle over
wealth and what it means I just went through in discerning whether a
change in my career was the right direction. I concluded it was and
that it was therefore better to see money as a gift to be used. This
contrasted with my past goal setting where among other things achieving
a certain net worth was an absorbing goal. Not that I think there is
wrong in goal setting.In fact, maybe that is where some of the tension
is: I enjoy goal setting but the nagging question from this week's reflection
is whose goals and where is the Lord in these?One thing I did find helpful
this week was some reflections at our Parish Mission. This was focused
on the spirituality of St Frances de Sales. I practiced doing the "Direction
of Intention" frequently during the week before each task or grouping
of task. This is one way of making sure that the Lord is in our goals.
week
18. I have seen how lax I can get with prayer committments. God is so
good to be with me but I don't always keep the door open. Fear of what
could be expected, of losing control is a big part. At first I believed
I could say this is wrong, take it, or I have this problem, take it.
But lately, I need to let God dig into the pit of my soul and clean
it out. I can't see what is there. Being totally open is hard in actuality,
but at least I can say I want to be and ask God to continue to empty
me, so I have room for Him. At times all I have left is to say continue,
and trust that He will. This retreat allows me to do that and I am really
grateful.
greetings
to you all. what a nice week this has given me . i stopped trying to
get out of situations or to fix them this week and somehow was able
to stand free in the unfreedom of the attachments. nothing outwardly
has changed as yet but i have good deal more peace. waiting to move
as god moves in me.
i can feel the anchor dragging me on the mud at the bottom of my life
- nothing very sinister now - but still isolating me from god and you
. this week i am able to trust that the master knows what to do about
it.
-- yours Nell. from the Tweed
I
thought that I was moving along rather nicely spiritually speaking until
this week. I feel like the young man in the Gospel who simply had too
much to give up in order to follow Christ. It is not material goods
that are the problem for me. The thought of placing such complete trust
in God's hands is terrifying, I know that I have trust issues in relationships...and
they extend to all relationships. If you see this posting, say a little
prayer with me that I have the grace to choose Christ and not trying
to be in control.
--M.L.
Cast
from me every evil
that stands in the way of my seeing you,
hearing, tasting, savoring, and touching you;
fearing and being mindful of you;
knowing, trusting, loving, and possessing you;
being conscious of your presence and, as far as may be, enjoying you.
As I read
this portion of the prayer of detachment it occurred to me how difficult
it is to use our five God-given senses to in turn experience God in
sight, sound, touch, smell and taste. So much of my spirituality is
in my "head." Is my "head" my hindrance? Lord, help
me to explore other paths to a fuller experience of You.
Detachment can also
be an attachment! I can be so busy shunning the world that I shun the
Christ who lives in the heart of my neighbor. But
to do all for the glory and honor of God, to live at the hand of the
Lord—then I can approach even my enemies and do so with courage
and peace. Not easy, but possible. I
thank God for the grace to trust in him, be confident of his presence
and act humbly in his will. --
Tom, Pennsylvania
Week 18: I continued
reflecting on the tension between wealth and responding to God's call
this week.Of the three ways of responding I am a master at procrastination.
I think in my relationship to wealth it is easy to reach into a sense
that wealth can be rationalized. Most of my rationalizations are self-serving.
On the other hand, it is extremely hard to make some radical transformations
in our communities without wealth creation. What I found more useful
was reflecting on the third way of responding and making a plain statement,
"My own wealth is not really mine; it's God's. I offer it up for
His use in furthering His Kingdom". This leads to the question,
"Is this the right way to invest for God?"; "By buying
this am I spending God's money wisely?" Does this prevent me from
being self-serving. No ... I'm certainly not there yet. But with God's
grace I'm interested to see how this develops.
I also reflected on "busyness". What's going on with my attachment
to getting things done? When I promise I'll do something about this
I usually take on more ... maybe a new self-improvement scheme ... a
new tape to listen to in the car. Then again, I can justify that I have
to be busy to further God's Kingdom ... usually in this mode no one
else is available ... and He has to be served .... or maybe I need the
satisfaction of convincing myself that I'm worth something if I take
on this responsibility and get one more thing done or one more goal
achieved. In the third way of responding, I give my busyness to God
... maybe there are times when I need to be busy and times when I do
not. Like my reflection on wealth ... "Time is not my time ...
but God's time ... to be used in His service". .
Thank you for this exercise. Pray that I may find ways to further my
detachment from whatever keeps me from God.
Another hard week. Hard not to
inventory my failings, just to hold things up to God and say here it
is, change it as/if you see fit for your glory.
I have not shared in a few weeks,
I simply felt the need to view the thoughts of others and pray. This
week I realized that since I began this retreat, many thoughts from
my past which I had buried have surfaced - some painful, joyful, and
sad. The most vivid thought recently was that of having to take total
responsibility for my two little children from a painful marriage, since
this was more than 30 years ago, I could not understand why this thought
surfaced. I began to discern that it is all part of the cleansing, healing
process of this retreat. Continuing the journey successfully means opening
up and allowing the Holy Spirit to cleanse our mind, heart, and very
soul of all that has held us captive. My 18 week and continuing.
Week 18... This was an awesome
week for me. . . and Phillippians says it best "Christ has taken
hold of me".
The three kinds of responses in
week 18 made me look at the way that I handle certain things
in my life. I have many good intentions and desire to do many
good and right things and to cease the behaviors that are not what they
should be. However, all too often I procrastinate beginning or
fail to follow through. They are quite often a part of my thoughts
but the actions just do not materialize. I plan and even desire
to do them and just never seem to start or follow through with the good
intentions. This is the response I have to way too many things.
This response tends to lead to a sense of uneasiness. I also sometimes
rationalize as the second kind of response indicates. But, in
far too few instances I totally let go and hand it over to God's will.
This is by far the response that ends up bringing about the most happiness
and peace. The other two responses leave a sense of longing or
a continued need for rationalization and these take away the sense of
peace and happiness that can be found only when the situations are placed
totally in God's hands.
The Prayer For Detachment stopped
me. It was a little like hitting a brick wall.
"Remove anything that makes me unworthy of your sight, your control,
your reprehension, of your speech and conversation, of your benevolence
and love."
That translates into: Remove anything that makes me not worth looking
at, not worth taking charge of, not worth punishing or speaking to or
speaking with, not worth your good wishes and not worth knowing, understanding,
accepting and being involved with in any way at all.
"not worth looking at" means I want my God to remove whatever would
make me completely disgusting.
"not worth taking charge of" means I want God to remove whatever would
prevent God from saving me from destruction - as God so often does.
"not worth punishing" means I want God to remove what makes me God's
child
"or speaking to or speaking with" means I want God to remove anything
that would prevent my receiving the little (or big) nudges God gives
me so often.
Here's where I hit the brick wall. God made me to know, love and
serve God; to be happy with God here and in heaven. God also made
me to know, to love and to serve. In fact, Paul says nothing will
ever separate us from the Love of God. Thank You, God, for brick walls.
Brick walls sometimes force us to reflect again on just why it's all
worth Your while. Week 18
It has been a struggle during this
week 18, "three ways of responses". I am so filled with
mixed thoughts, truly the gravitational pull is very much at work in
my life. I do want to follow God's will, but when my focus becomes
on my self will, instead of focusing on Christ, I fall into patterns
that depress, and humiliate me.
It seems that I need to keep my mind on God's being present with me
in my struggles, that will allow me to keep focused on truly living
that costly discipleship that I believe is needed in my response.
I have failed so many times, and I realize that I turn my back on God
each time I respond in a deliberately defensive mode. I beg for
the grace to respond to others as He wants me to , with compassion,
understanding, and less protectiveness of my self will. The one
thing that I should keep in mind is , how am I serving God, in my interactions,
and daily life? Is this for God ? or is this to defend or protect
myself interest.
I beg for the grace to look always to God , in all circumstances ,to
realize that everything can lead me closer to Him if I give it
to Him to transform me. I am in need of transformation, to keep
the prize of eternal life always before me , to want only to please
,love , and give him praise.
I am feeling that He understands me, but I do not understand me ...
a very hard week. Thanks for all of the readings and prayers.
This is a period of questioning how I can say I love God , but fail
so often to trust, and live each day a worthy life .
As I near the end of week 18,
I must say again how perfect God’s timing is. The focus this week
on Jesus’s baptism and my response to His call fits so well with
the readings for Mass this week. All call for courage in the face of
opposition, and my life is in just such a position now. I need His grace
to see me through, and my fear still holds me back. So far I’ve
come, so much further I have yet to go. Lord, help me. You know how
weak I am. Strengthen me, give me courage. I ache to do Your will, yet
struggle. I feel like such a failure right now. How can I profess a
faith at the same time knowing such fear? As a little girl’s father
said in Scripture, “Lord, I do believe. Strengthen me in my unbelief.”
Week 18. Though this is
only the first day of the week for me, I find this week amazing in several
ways. First, it reminds me of how far I have yet to travel to become
the person I believe Christ has called me to be. I know in my heart
that I have come a long way since starting this retreat, yet fear remains
with me. Second, the introductory sections for the week echo my life
and my fears with remarkable accuracy. I so easily see myself on the
shore watching Jesus’s baptism and wanting so to follow Him yet
being so afraid to ‘take the plunge.’ Finally, I am at a
crossroads in my life. There are several roads to choose from, and the
one I am now on, which appeared so ‘safe’ just a short time
ago is uncertain now. I pray for the wisdom to accept what Christ
wills for me, and ask all of those on this retreat to pray for me also.
As I have written at least once before, “Here am I Lord, I long
to do Your will. Give me the strength and courage to do so.”
Week 18. Hard to believe
I am already half way through this retreat. The broken record in me
about God’s timing again hits this week. With changes in my life
at this time it is perfect for slowing down for a little reflection
on the ‘first half’ and especially for seeking the grace
to accept what God allows. I was surprised and relieved when I read
the three response types Ignatius described concerning the resolutions
we make. I know that in the past I have employed the first two, usually
just doing nothing but often justifying my decision. I fully expected
the third option would involve changing what I was doing. It was such
a relief to learn that it instead involves opening myself to accept
whatever comes. I must, of course, remain faithful and prayerful in
choosing courses of action, but the key is that the major “action”
I am asked to make is acceptance. I pray for that grace.
During the 18th week, I experinced
how difficult it is to leave the natural laws of personal gravity and
live more in keeping with the freedoms which Jesus offers. I have longed
for being free before the attachtment and tried to be free. But at church
meeting, I realized that I was never free after I excused loudly about
the things that I had been responsible for. Even though the reason I
am engaged in church activities is to serve God, I found I didn't get
rid of my own self- absored pattern at all. And I realized all I have
to desire to is only a grace from God. Now I can really speak '' My
life is in God's hands." Frankly speaking, until now I was too stubborn
to hear the way of Jesues' life
I have started out on week 18.
I am not a very persistent person. I read the themes of the week.
I think I understand them. Sometimes I do and that week really
grabs me. then I tail off and enter the next week half heartedly.
I know that I am not doing as well as I should because my early enthusiasm
has waned. And yet there is so much good to be found here.
I do squander the treasures that God showers on me. Perhaps I
should take myself away physically from my surroundings so that I can
concentrate. But I cannot justify it. How can I leave my
wife and family for a week or so in a retreat house? I should
not need to do that because it is all here in this site - the careful
reflections from Fr. Gillick - the sharings - the readings - the guideposts
- everything. I do believe in the power of prayer so I earnestly
beg all of you to pray for me. And may God bless you all
I am starting week 18 of the retreat
and am being challenged to look at the rationalization and self will
in my life. I am hearing that call to trust God more deeply.
I have a sense that that God is calling me to confirm my life more closely
with His will for me and I am both attracted to this calling and resistent
to it. I fear what He may ask me to give up, but I know from past
experience, that He always replaces what He asks me to give up with
something far better. He asked me to give up my need to always
be right in my relationship with my husband and has given me the wonderful
intimate marriage that I could only dream about a few years back.
When I gave up trying to control my daughter and her drug usage, she
has completely turned her life around and has become a source of great
joy in my life. With so many examples of God's way being so right
for me, why do I still resist this call to conform my will to His?
I am asking Him for the willingness to trust him more and I as for your
prayers, by fellow travelers. May God bless each of you and may
this be a fruitful week for all of us as we continue our journey on
this retreat.
I am on my week 18 with this retreat.
Until now my mind is still on the reflections on the nativity scene.
I am learning to embrace my humanity and accepting my shadows without
neglecting the light. I am drawn to reflect more on what is God doing
in my life at this point and gently accepts whatver comes. This is quite
difficult for me, for I always want to be in control. I realized sometimes
that even in my prayer that I want to control certain events in my life.
I am finding it difficult to let go and let God control my life. I rationalize
my attachment to my money, I do not have much, that's why I have be
selfish and I find myself refusing to help others financially.
The
retreat is helping me lot and on this week (18), I'm quite nervous on
what to let go to attain that kind of freedom that Jesus had. It's a
tall order for me. I am at a lost on what to do with my life. I lost
my direction and my sense of purpose. This is not the life that I dreamed
of. Please pray for me.
I am in the eighteenth week of this
retreat and I am writing in response to the first item in the August
25 posting. I know about emptiness and the blank wall, which I
first discovered almost fifteen years ago. It took me a long time
to get as much distance from the that emptiness as I now have -- years.
But I have not yet learned how to pray for someone else. Even
the great mystics seem to use prayer as a way of centering themselves
rather than as a way of centering someone else. I wish I could
teach someone how to pray for themselves -- I just don't know how.
But the retreat is a really good place to start, and a really good place
to establish the discipline of regular prayer. Hope I can keep
it up during the academic term. Perhaps you will try to pray for
me in this regard and together we will each discover something new about
lives with Jesus at their center.
Week 19
Week 19
God called you, Jesus, to become one with us (an outlandish
request) and it all started at the Jordan. You, the son of God, entered
the waters of the Jordan, were submerged and momentarily made helpless;
you joined us humans in our struggle against our fallen nature. What
can I say? You are the most! THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE!
Week 19
I had a very strong image early in the week about Jesus getting
ready to leave on his mission. I don't think it unreasonable to think
that Joseph has passed away and so Mary is a widow. Mary would then
have been dependent on Jesus for support. I imagine that Joseph died
when Jesus is around 15 so for the last 15 years he has suppported her.
I imagine that from time to time he went into the desert to pray and
meet up with other spiritual masters. Probably he meets up with John
the Baptist on these trips. Over these years his sense of who he is
and where he must go grows. He saturates himself with the prophets and
understands clearly his messianic mission. But leaving others who are
dependent on him is tremendously difficult. He has worked well and in
Nazereth he is surrounded by relations. So finally, he understands what
he must do and makes provision for Mary to find support within his larger
family. Recall that even on the Cross, looking after his mother is a
key concern. So as he walks away he does so with real resolution and
clarity that he does not have to look back. Mary looks after him fondly.
Of course, she cannot really let him go and we know that from time to
time she met up and was present with him and his disciples.
And what does that mean for me? I recall that for many years at my previous
job I justified staying around because I had to take care of my family
because of the investment I had made in the firm. I challenged myself
that maybe this was a cop out. But I see that the Lord really understood.
The family are now taken care of. My next steps on the journey have
probably not been as resolute but now I am on the "mission journey".
May my destination be clearly guided by the Lord.
Week
19: Praying baptism (the recommended scriptures) this Christmas
week, the words that best describe the space I entered are words of
Henri Nouwen: "downward mobility”. As I enter my 60th year,
I live alone, I am no longer a consumer, I did not have my grown children
and grandchildren with me this year, and I spent time with my brothers
and their families. Families are never as depicted in Christmas television
ads.
I am in a space that is completely counter-cultural to the upward mobility
of the surrounding consumer culture so blatant this holiday season.
Looking back at the evening Christmas Mass I attended, I saw the church
were I was as “the stable” where Christ was born –
hidden away from the inn(the mall). The birth of our wonderful God in
a stable has become a hidden event in our culture…it happens secretly
in the silence when the mall closes, sending us home.
-- Anita
I just finished
reading week 19 (although for me, it should be week
25), all of the readings and reflections. I am a person who has to be
in control of everything, and the thought of "dropping everything
and following Jesus" makes
me feel as if I would lose control, meaning that I would let go of all
of those things familiar to me and follow Jesus into the unknown. I'm
at a point in my life where my faith is a little shaky, and my friends
and family are stable to me. The image I have of the Baptism is me sitting
on a bank, under the shade, kind of far away. I'm just watching all
that is going on and wondering what the commotion is all about. I'm
a little nervous to go to the front of the crowd because I don't want
to be noticed and singled out in front of all of these people, or be
called upon to participate in something that I know nothing about. I
know that I would be fine once I talked to Jesus and others, but it's
making that first step that makes me nervous.
Week 19: Lord, I think of
you leaving home for your mission. Yes I share with you many of the
emotions you must feel. I’ve made that leaving now … several
times … and I will be sharing these feelings again as I go on
my way to a new ministry.You come to the Jordan and you see the crowds.
Many times in your preparation you have come this way. You have been
attracted to the spirituality of these desert groups. Now you see John
and what he is creating. People are coming from all over to be baptized.
You want to be one with them. You see their deep sincerity to be whole
again and you want to be one with them.So you enter the water and John
first of all looks confused … it’s not routine as before
although always he works sincerely … you motion to John to continue
and as you come out of the water there is a new determination in your
face. Yes you are determined but also relaxed … happy to be doing
what you are doing. You now understand all the preparation that you
have been doing to this point. Mary and Joseph’s teaching, your
dialog with teachers, your conversations with friends, your reflections
on scriptures, your prayers … these all now make sense …
you are God’s son and only for Him will you devote your life.Then
I see you motion me. Why do I feel reluctance to follow you? Is it because
I am content with where I am now … seeing and realizing what this
moment means … being intellectually satisfied? Or is it because
I do not feel worthy to take this step? I’m not really as fine
a person as you think, Jesus. But he motions further. He puts his arms
on my shoulders and tells me that he knows me. He accepts me. He wants
me to continue to follow him. He will be with me … even at those
times when I might not realize that nor even want him. He will be faithful.
I take the step forward and as I emerge from the water still with his
arms on me I realize that these arms have been holding me for a long
time. I can relax … comfortable in the knowledge that my purpose
is to praise God the Father, revere Him, and follow Jesus. I may not
have as confident appearance as Jesus but I resolve to be faithful and
continue to learn from Him.May God be praised.
Week 19. Jesus leaves home and is baptized.
But Jesus left home once before. When He was 12 He left His parents
to be about His Father's business. He went home though. It wasn't His
time. He wasn't ready but He was so eager. At that time Mary and Joseph
worried about Him. Now He was being baptized. I can imagine how Mary
felt. As a mother, I wait for the day that I can say my children are
ready to leave home, and I will help them, knowing that I have done
all I could do. Two have already left, and two are still home. They
knew when they had to go. They were restless and knew that they were
ready to try to live their own life. Although it is not spoken, they
go out to search and do what they were born to do. It must be a maternal
instinct to hold onto children until that time comes. It is with mixed
feelings that we let them go. We acknowledge and are proud that they
can go out on their own, but we are also fearful for them because of
what can be ahead. Mary soon showed her confidence. At the wedding at
Cana she was the one who encouraged Jesus to perform His first miracle.
Did she already know His place was to serve others? She too must have
been prepared for this time of setting out. She too had to be brave
and trust in God.
greetings to you all. ' to go somewhere different
- you will have to take an entrance you have never used before ".
i read that this week and spent most of the week figuratively sitting
on the bank of the river jordan with my back against a tree. watching
the baptisms and contemplating. it was a very pleasant week but i had
trouble rousing myself to go down to the water. where i think the dirt
of the road would be washed from me and i would be shown an entrance
into the next stage of my life which i have never used before.
when i did go down - my eyes on john and jesus i was surprised to encounter
many of the people from my life - my mum and dad and my dear friend
roger who passed on a few years ago. various people i have known in
other times and other places and then some people ive not yet met. all
ready to be baptised into the next stage of their mission.
when i emerged from the water - i came out into colour and a sense of
perfumes and dancing and jewellery which are things which dont feature
on a grand scale in my life. but i came out into celebration and colour
and honour.
and then i sensed that i was being sent back up my hill. this was the
same feeling as with the nativity. that my part of the mission at this
time was to STAY where i was. and keep the light burning. at most times
in my life i have been called away with neither robe nor sandals.
but once again - i am staying put. i could feel the christ smiling on
me. and the restfulness of being the elderwoman able to stay on the
bank of the river for a time and watch the seekers come. and direct
them and tell them about what i have seen. as a recovering image this
sits very well with me.
so here i am. washed clean and blessed again. to this work which lacks
much of the drama of other times and leaves me alone a good deal and
has me restless but which is bringing me a quiet background peace when
i accept what seems to be the mission i have been given for now.
my love to you all
Nell from the Tweed- Week 19
I cannot imagine that when Jesus left home
to be baptized by John that it was a scene of any great drama. Departure
seems the norm for Jesus. At the Annunciation, he leaves the glories
of heaven behind to be enfleshed in the womb of Mary. How does Mary
respond? She leaves her home in haste to help her cousin, Elizabeth.
Jesus is born a stranger in the stable; he is taken to Jerusalem to
be presented at the temple; he flees Herod’s slaughter of the
innocents; he returns from Egypt to Nazareth; he goes to Jerusalem every
year with his parents; as a youth, he stays behind in the temple unknown
to his parents. All the JOYFUL mysteries of the rosary speak of departure,
separation. So when Jesus left Mary that day, I imagine she was her
joyful self, watching him go again, serene. And
Jesus is just going again, as he always does. Perhaps it seems that
he is off to another carpentry job that day. Jesus, being God, can hardly
be surprised to see his cousin John in the water, but again, there is
joy on his face as he sees this man he loves who so splendidly does
the will of God. And so Jesus is happy to submit to him, despite John’s
protests. John is joyful to see his cousin too, but his joy bears with
it the weariness of being merely human. He has, after all, been standing
in the brown waters of the Jordan day after day. Jesus,
under water, holds his breath. Jesus,
emerging from the water, embraces John with joy, nearly knocks him off
his feet. They both almost laugh, but their joy is solemn, too.
The dove descends
and the voice of his father is heard, but Jesus has known these things
all along. They are signs for everyone else, not for him. So he walks
away wet, wondering if he should go home to change or just let the sun
of his walking dry his clothes. Week 19-- Tom, Pennsylvania
I contemplated Jesus leaving home for His
ministry and baptism. I see that this is a time He has really prepared
for. I like to think that He and John have had some encounters before.
Of course, He is settled in Nazareth and the older we get the more difficult
it is to move on. He has become somewhat of a fixture in the village.
No one has really noticed except Mary His mother that He has grown spiritually
and changed.
I am drawn to think of Jesus setting out on His journey and wonder about
him contempating the cross. Part of that is because when I think of
the different transitions and journeys I have taken I have always encountered
dark moments that cloud the anticipation I had desired at the onset.
Despite this I have been graced in all these transitons. But I wonder
if Jesus contemplates the Cross. Then I wonder if He more likely contemplates
the resurrection. Walking with Him as He sees His ministry emerge in
that light gives me encouragement and hope.
I wasn't feeling too well for parts of this wee and in a mood of some
tiredness I watched Jesus's baptism. I like the image of light that
emerges in this story. I thought of this last Friday after the rains
cleared. Maybe it didn't happen quite like that on the Jordan when the
clouds parted but from a mental and emotional point of view Jesus obtains
a new clarity which shines around Him and infects everyone. But personally
I am restless. One part of me wants to enter the water with Jesus. But
I am really looking for immediate clarity as I emerge from the water.
That clarity is probably self-serving. I want another position ... or
my dreams of what I want to accomplish to be immediately apparent. When
this doesn't happen I wallow in self-pity. I am more in need of Jesus's
touch of renewal and of taking time to find balance as Jesus does in
today's Gospel. With Jesus I recall that baptism is just the beginning
of a journey. I ask for the grace of renewal to continue on the journey.
Week 19: This week entering
the Jordan River with Jesus helps remind me to refocus on my own baptism.
I joined the Catholic Church during Easter Vigil in 1998 and received
Baptism, Confirmation and Eucharist for the first time along with my
husband and two children. I was searching at that time to know where
and who God was, as this kept resurfacing in my mind after the death
of my mother-in-law and several other trials. I remember however saying
"yes" to Jesus to whatever path he chose for me. It was during
the "laying of hands"
that I first felt the real presence of God in my life. I felt "peace"
and "freedom" for the first time. I had longed for peace for
many yrs. after having been sexually abused as a teenager (incest) and
it takes time to be healed from some emotional areas of feeling rooted
in shame, etc. (And over time we can be attracted to many bad habits
as a result.) This particular evening Jesus said, "Come follow
Me, and I will Give you Peace". Like Mary, when the angel Gabriel
spoke to her, I pondered for several weeks, over these words. However,
everything I was doing and saying in my life began to change. I began
teaching Sunday School, singing in the church choir, being a lector,
and I wanted to know more about this new love I had for God and soon
found myself beginning to leave myself behind and caring for others
needs. Also, I felt a call to study and graduated from a Canadian University
in
2001 with a Diploma in Ministry. Since all this, I have been wandering
around in the desert for the past few months. But, I have learned the
need to need others after having lost my employment and I experienced
poverty in a real sense. On several occasions not knowing where the
next meal would come from has enabled me to put my complete trust in
God again and our God does provide us with our needs according to his
riches for us. (Phil. 4:19) Also, I've learned that our happiness doesn't
come from our careers, or materialism or people. And I'm starting to
enjoy this more relaxed, simplier life that Jesus offers us. I started
this retreat two yrs. ago and never completed it, but came back after
an invitation from a friend. I pray for the courage to say "yes"
once again to Jesus's calling and rid myself of the need to be in control,
pride, fear, ego, selfishness, self-centeredness, etc., and/or anything
else that prevents me from receiving the love that God wants to freely
give me. I have enjoyed the sharing of others. Thank You. Let's continue
to pray for each other during this special time of Lent.
Throughout Week 19 of the
Retreat, I had a continual sense that Jesus had this deep knowing that
compelled him through all his actions of leaving home, heading to the
Jordan, and being baptized. He just felt with all his being that
this was what he had to do and everything was going to be alright as
he did it. This culminated in that deep inner joy, peace, exuberance,
and contentment that I imagine he felt as he came out of the water and
heard the message of his Father.
Week 19 As I imagine the
near thirty old, Jesus, I see a beautiful strong man ; working, laughing
, loving his life at home with his family and friends in the town of
Nazareth. He must have grown in wisdom before the Lord, taking
in the love of Mary, Joseph, absorbing the Torah, seeking quiet to reflect
on His persistent and growing desire to respond to His heavenly Father
. It must have been a process, not a sudden one day saying "Well I'm
off.."
He must have known that His love and awareness of His time had come.
He no longer could contain His longing to heal and save His people...but
He might have torn feelings of how to say goodbye to the mother who
knew Him better than anyone on earth.
He must have felt anticipation to begin His mission, but sorrow that
He had to surrender so much to attend the call, the very reason for
His birth. The parting must have been tearful, and bittersweet ;wanting
to begin His mission, but longing to protect His mother from the hurt
she would experience.
I imagine a fond farewell to a few of his closest friends,and a word
of encouragement to them, that he would return...he would see them again,
but in the meantime please look out for His mother.
Mary must have held Him in a tender ,but strong embrace to assure Him
that she would be alright,even though her heart was breaking;tears fell
,but she did not cling,she did not protest.
Some people in the town were critical of Jesus, wondering who did He
think he was to leave. How could He leave Mary? Did he not
care for them? While others wished Him well, no one could possibly understand
what He was about to begin.
So much to think about this week. Thanks for guiding me
through the beginning questions about Jesus beginning his journey to
the Jordan. It has allowed me to appreciate another side of Jesus
that I never thought about too much before.
Reading the “In these and
Similar Words” for the Baptism of Christ, I was made uncomfortable
because it was not my image of Christ’s baptism. It is always
puzzling to see someone else’s personal image of Christ when it
is dissimilar to my own. For some unexplained reason, I expect us to
all see Christ in the exact same way. Usually when I have this experience
of doubt, I get over the fear and I am able to see a new aspect of the
Lord because of that other person’s view. I gain a larger picture
of Christ and of God. The “In these and Similar Words” focuses
on the communal aspects of the Baptism. By entering the scene, the contemplator,
talked and interacted with Christ. I,
on the other hand, focused on the solemn side of the events. I was not
granted the gift of entering the event. As an observer, I saw a man
alone as he walked from his mother. He made a personal decision to leave
his mother and to step into the waters of his public ministry. He walked
away from the baptism alone, to be alone in the desert and to soak in
the baptism. As he walks away from the Baptism he probably had some
notion that this may be the last time on earth he can savor being be
alone with God. From this point forward he will have little time alone
with God because he will seek out and be sought out by all of humanity.
And while he may be lonely, he will seldom alone after the time in the
desert.I also focused on another point. I was moved when the Father
confirms Christ’s baptism with words from heaven. There are many
instances in the Old Testament where God speaks with a calling, confirmation,
command or acclamation of covenant. There are not as many in the New
Testament and this one seems special. In this instance when God speaks,
it is like a recreation. At Jesus’ baptism, it is as if the world
was born again in preparation of the confirmation of the Holy Spirit
on Pentecost. His baptism is like the “let there be light”
that proceeds God final affirmation that “it was good.”
You were baptized in the waters of the River Jordan,
and became our Living Water.
Your first miracle was
to change water into wine,
at the wedding feast at Cana.
You walked on the waters
of the Sea of Galilee,
to give us faith.
You washed the feet of
your apostles,
to show us humility.
You washed Your Hands,
to give us Your Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity,
in the Most Holy Eucharist.
From the Cross, blood
and water flowed from Your side,
to show us Your Love and Mercy.
And You were washed and
prepared for burial,
after You died on the Cross for us.
Thank You Jesus
I have been following the retreat with the liturgical
year, but week 19 has really stuck with me. The image of Jesus coming
up out of the water after being baptized, shaking his head and laughing
out of pure joy helped me realize just how human He really was. I had
been praying so intensely to Jesus and through Mary and several of the
saints that my daughter and her fiancée would be married in the
church. This had been going on for several weeks. During week 19 she
called and said everything was falling into place and they would be
married within the good graces of the church. I got down on my knees
and thanked all to whom I invoked help and especially to Jesus and the
Holy Spirit. When I went to sleep that night, in the state before falling
asleep, I had a vision. The saints, along with Jesus and Mary were laughing,
dancing, and celebrating. They had brought a young couple closer to
God and were in complete joy. We sometimes forget just how human they
all were and they do understand our problems and needs. Thank-you to
those who put this retreat together for the rest of us. You are doing
great things and touching many hearts.
I am in the 19th week of this retreat.
I know that everyone on this retreat is very busy and deeply involved
with personal reconciliation. I can only pray that each of you
on this retreat will join me and lead otheres in the daily repetition
of the Office Prayers of Saint Rose of Lima (August 30) for Lori Berenson,
still imprisoned in Peru. May we all pray that Christ will enter
her heart and soul and that through this she may establish her case
for pardon and be reunited with her family in the United States.
The guides (week 19) have been so helpful
in contemplating the life, and especially baptism, of Jesus. It
is truly a grace to have found this online retreat, and the many treasures
that lie there.
As I imagined Jesus leaving the well-known
and comfortable routine of life in Nazareth, I could certainly relate!
After I retired from my job as a pastoral minister -- which was in itself
a miracle job! -- I was led by the Spirit into working with children
who need a neutral advocate in situations such as abuse, divorce, chemical
dependency -- get the picture?
For a farm-wife with a comparatively healthy family
background to become immersed in a world that I had previously only
glimpsed on TV was about as great a change as anyone could imagine.
There are situations in which I can only be amazed at the goodness of
God who sends caring social workers, attorneys and others who work in
the court system, as well as therapists and counsellors who help the
victims learn to survive and even thrive. How humbling to have
placed myself in God's hands and in turn find others placing themselves
in my hands. Only with God's help can I manage to continue, believing
that there is a powerful source of Love who is constantly using us to
bring good out of evil. May all we do give praise to the Holy
One.
I returned to my online retreat today (19)
because I experienced such a wonderful closeness this afternoon as I
gave blessings of the throat to people of my community. In praying with
each of the people I felt like I was saying yes to following Jesus acknowledging
that we rely on the intercession, love and call of God to do anything
worthy in our lives and to have the continued health to do what he asks.
I wanted each person to be strong and healthy to be a disciple of God,
to do his work. So when I returned to the retreat today and it
spoke of the nourishment that we would receive in each opportunity to
serve and choose service over self, I am moved to ask for the grace
to hear the call to follow him and find the opportunity to choose to
give as he has given to me, forgive as he has forgiven me. I ask for
that grace to finally take me where I want and need to go. Bind my hands
with the belt and take me where I do not seem to want to go alone. Blessed
be God who loves me more than I ever imagined.
I think one of the most beautiful things
about the Baptism of Jesus (19), and probably something of immense
importance to him in facing his temptations, was the affirmation of
him given by the Father ("This is My beloved Son in whom I am well pleased.")
I believe it was the Father's affirmation of his belovedness which Jesus
held onto during his temptations. That was the source of his strength
to resist. I believe that it is when we truly believe in and accept
our belovedness by the Father (and Jesus and Holy Spirit) that we can
truly find the strength to better resist temptation to be unloving and
also to give us strength, hope and desire to be more loving to others.
I'm living week 19 and identifying with
the retreat section "In These or Similar Words." I want so much
to be close to Jesus and yet I find that I always stop short. I'm always
creating a space so I can't get too close. I usually just attribute
it to the fact that I am so unworthy and yet now I realize that something
else is holding me back. I'm afraid of following. I'm afraid
of succeeding and afraid of failing. I'm too afraid of what it would
mean for me to truly follow Jesus. Once again I find that my focuse
has changed to how I look, and what people would say about me. Why can't
I keep the focuse on Jesus? Why is it so hard to give Jesus my
life? I offer my life quite often and then without notice I take it
back. "Help me, Lord, to see what I need to do to truly follow you without
getting sidetracked. I love you so much and know that as long
as my eyes and heart are set on you, I'm fine. But the minute
I begin to deviate from your path I get incredibly lost. When you look
into my eyes and heart I feel overwhelmed, safe,free, and empowered
by your love. I want to live in your gaze and learn to look only to
you. When I turn to you I find the strength and courage to do your work,
build your kingdom, and give you the glory. Help me to stay close. Please
pray for me. I will pray for you...
It is the 19th week of the retreat
which has taken me more like 22-23 weeks. My less than perfect journey
has nonetheless brought me more peace, excitement, nervous energy but
in a more positive way. I feel the grace move in my life in the honesty
and ability to reflect on the here and now. To be in the moment with
more honesty and more focus on wanting to be more who I am and more
deeply wanting to follow Christ, than focusing on issues that are surrounded
with negativity and death of the spirit. In small ways I am feeling
the light of the spirit in my life each day and am able to follow it.
In the conversations, interactions, actions. I am still afraid
of being incapable of doing well what God may ask of me in following
him but more open to the reality that he will not give me more than
I can handle albeit with discomfort, pain, failure along with having
the feeling that I am doing what he would have me do as he needs it
to be done. He has worked that way before in my life and I am not sure
I did what I was supposed to do but it seems that there is a pattern
in my life of being put into difficult situations to set them back on
track, to stand by those who are maligned unfairly, to be maligned for
standing up. And yet through it all I have not been harmed by my "enemies"
or those who would harm me. Even though I am sinful and weak and take
three steps back for every step forward. I long for a closeness that
I fear and feel unworthy of. I believe I will receive the grace I need
to find my way in the darkness as I am called to leave the familiar
and undertake the anointing I received in baptism once again or more
deeply. I am ready to go but not sure if I will hear or recognize the
call. I pray for that grace this week. To know where the work is in
the vineyard and what labors are mine. My skills are so scattered and
unfocused, in this world of specialization. Where does a woman
for all seasons serve? Lord show me the way.
|