Unreservedly. Such a complex word for such a simple concept.
In today’s first reading, Solomon is being punished for not giving his heart to God unreservedly, as his father, David, had done. I had always been puzzled by this; why did Solomon begin to worship the gods of his wives? Surely this is a pretty obvious sin, and a temptation Wise King Solomon shouldn’t have fallen prey to. So what happened?
When reading this passage today, however, I found I could relate to Solomon’s story in a way I never had before. While “unreservedly” may be a simply concept, it can be so difficult to put into action.
In the last few months, I had simply began slowly falling away from my faith. It’s hard to maintain a faithful lifestyle in a busy life, and what used to be a diligent prayer life had dwindled off into almost nothing. Once my prayer life was kaput, a friendship which I valued and had always been a positive influence, drawing me closer to God, began to be become a distraction as I began substituting it for an actual faith life; as I let it become my god. Without the attentive prayer life, I simply couldn’t keep this friendship- or many other aspects of my life- in perspective.
Unreservedly. Not "halfway", not "part-time", not “mostly.” Unreservedly.
Like a few drops of water seeping into a hole in a wooden beam, freezing and causing it to crack, the space left by my lack of prayer life allowed other influences to seep in, which caused a split: a split between me and the Savior of the World.
Neither water nor the influences I'm speaking of are harmful; in fact, both have a wonderful place in my life. It is only when they fill a spot that is not meant for them that it can be disasterous.
Unreservedly. It’s hard to give my whole heart to the Lord, especially when he is much easier to ignore than other aspects of my life. And yet, if I give my heart with any reservations- what if he doesn’t think as I do? What if he doesn’t want what I know is best for me?- then I am creating the opening which causes the split, and there is nothing worse than being separated from the Lord.
Let us each try to find those aspects of our lives which have seeped in and are causing our separation from the Lord, and try to move them to their rightful place in our lives. For me, this means re-evaluating the friendship I held so dear and trying to keep it in perspective so that it may once again be a source of Christ's love. Today, let us remove the splinters of temptation, lust, or distrust from our hearts and allow our hearts to heal, so that we may present them, entirely and unreservedly, to the Lord.