It would be easier for me to pray
if I were clear
and of a single mind and a pure heart;
if I could be done hiding
and from you, even in my prayers.
But, I am who I am,
mixture of motives and excuses,
blur of memories,
quiver of hopes,
knot of fear,
and restless with love,
I wander somewhere between
gratitude and grievance,
wonder and routine,
high resolve and undone dreams,
generous impulses and unpaid bills.
Come, find me, Lord.
Be with me exactly as I am.
Help me find me, Lord.
Help me accept what I am,
so I can begin to be yours.
Make of me something small enough to snuggle,
young enough to question,
simple enough to giggle,
old enough to forget,
foolish enough to act for peace;
skeptical enough to
the sufficiency of anything but you,
and attentive enough
as you call me out of the tomb of my timidity
into the chancy glory of my possibilities
and the power of your presence.
Loder, Guerrillas of Grace, LuraMedia, 1984