Week 1 - Part 1

Week 1

Have listened to the audio and realise that I am only at the beginning of this Exercise! I have only got as far as my teens!!  However at the end of the period my life as a catholic began as I went into my twenties. This was all an exciting time as I had my working life and relationships with MEN.  At first I didn’t want to marry but wanted a religious life.  Throughout all I was conscious of those who were deprived in some way and wanted to help them.  My working life was in law and I was good at it but refused my articles because although I worked hard in the day I wanted to go out and enjoy myself in the evenings.  Therefore a pattern came about of working hard and playing hard and I enjoyed every minute of this with my friends, always conscious of the times when things were not in accord with my Faith and that these could lead me astray and away from my Lord and turning from Him although knowing He was there as He would call me back consciously.  I now express sorrow for the times when I turned away and was wilful and not self-regarding in my relationships with Him whom I love more than life itself and who now guides me and keeps me and feeds me at this glorious most special moment as I write. Thank you Lord.

Week 1
My earliest memory was of being in my crib and hearing my young parents fighting. Not so good. But then, my next memory is of about age 3. By this time, my parents had divorced and my mother had deposited me with HER parents when she moved away to be with her new husband. My grandfather, my primary care taker, would warm my clothes in the oven on cold mornings. I would get out of bed and run into the kitchen, where he would dress me and have hot oatmeal waiting. What a blessing he was in my life! I had thirteen living grandparents when I was born. Hard to believe, but true. Between them, they all filled in the void left by my absent parents. I'm so thankful for their nurturing care.

Today is the first day of the first week of my 34 week Ignatian Retreat. I am so grateful to you to have the opportunity to make this retreat. I was happy to become aware of God's 100% love for me. That he knows everything about be and still accepts me. God is the fulfillment of my dream to find someone who truly understands me.
Thank you
Sunita

Hi, Mr. Paul . Today is my first day of week 1 when I happen to read your question about understanding  God’s love. I hope that my humble reflection from my personal relationship with God could shed some light.

I have never doubted God’s love for me even as a child who was constantly harassed and bullied for not being pretty. I never took it against Him if I had been maltreated. All I know is that He is all good and will make things right for me. As I was growing up, I could not help but look back at how he has blessed me in so many ways- the loving people He had sent my way to heal the wounds of my childhood, a family to love, a Catholic education and the rest too many to enumerate. How could I deny that He loves me?

Did I feel His love for me on a personal level? How could I not when I have seen and tasted His goodness. The love He gave was directed to me at that perfect time He chose. I once asked Him: Why love me when I do not deserve Your love? His answer: It is not about you deserving My love; it is about Me loving you unconditionally.

Give God A Chance

Week 1: Today I begin this retreat asking for God's grace. The photo album of my life is opened. My infancy and childhood were filled with moments of warmth and love and acceptance at home especially from my grandmother. Enveloped in her arms in her rocking chair I felt totally loved without question or reserve. Other times I felt it necessary to try to earn that acceptance by behaving  a certain way and I never measured up. "You are bad and I am going away and never coming back" was a painful message I got from Mom at a very early age right before Holy Week and Easter. I received this message while crying uncontrollably in the garage while trying to keep Mom,suitcase in hand, from driving away. It turned out she was really going to the hospital to have her gall bladder removed and she later con forted me. I felt I was not worth anything and was being abandoned. " What did I do wrong?" I thought. I was scared and confused.
How consoling it is that God will never do that and threaten to take away his unconditional acceptance !  I struggle to believe God is bigger and better than my lack of acceptance fueled by this kind of experience in my childhood. I struggle to forgive those who threatened to withdraw their acceptance, to move beyond this experience and grow. May I receive the grace to accept myself and others.
Amen!
- Dave

I have finished the first week and found it a little cold, or something.  I was surprised by some of the things I thought of, and enjoyed thinking of some things, like my and my wife's courting days, but overall I found it a little boring.  Much hope for this week.

  I began the retreat on Sept. 19th (beginning of the litergical year) with the hopes that others would do so as well.  And although we may be in different places and different time zones there would be community in our reflections and prayers.  Some of my growing-up memories from last weeks reflections I feel would be best left undisturbed, but it was in those difficult times that I began to cry out to God.  Standing outside my bedroom window having "snuck-out", 14 years old, smoking, I told God that if He was there... then show me.  That was the first of many cries.  He has shown himself to me, many times and continues to seek time with me and show grace in my extreme brokeness.  Bless us God, bless those of us on the journey.  -Susanne in Switzerland

Week One
From my childhood, I was constantly plagued with feelings of inferiority and always being just second best.

I was not being truly humble nor honest when it seemed I was almost always apologizing for my gifts and talents. I wanted to fit in. I did not want to stand out. Now in my early senior years, I am beginning to see those attitudes as often resent-filled pride in reverse laden down with selfishness, ingratitude, and insecurity totally lacking in the confidence that God would use me as He would and always bring good out of any situation but this He did accomplish in my life quite often without my knowledge or full co-operation. He was always more than willing if only I would let Him. What a painful journey it has often been to come to love myself as Jesus loves me. Now, I can finally rejoice and sing---"This little light of mine. Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine."

When I gazed at the picture of the baby being lovingly held by its mother, I wondered if I was ever held, loved and comforted like that baby seems to be, and immediate thought brought sadness when I realized, probably not.    The next morning as I was preparing to go to my mother's house and prepare her first meal of the day, something I have to do out of obligation and love rather than doing it lovingly.  It was then that I realized that my response to my mother today is probably stemmed from her lack of intimacy with me as an infant.

week 1: when i think of myself as an infant, the image comes of my mother with my first son.  I was anxiously trying to DO everything I could think of to take care of this little baby. The way she gazed at him, drinking him in, made me realize she had looked at me that way. I learned through her that my most important function as his mom was to really see him and love him.  I had never felt UNloved, but was overwhelmed with gratitude that I had been awash in such love and  never really appreciated it.   I have come to believe human love is an 
imperfect example of God's perfect love, and my realization of the enormity of that is dependent on that experience of my dear mother teaching me by example how to simply SEE the beloved.

This is my first day of my retreat on week one and I feel many different things but farmost as I listen to the prayers and stories I realize how much I have ignored God and not allowed him into my heart. I stress so much with everyday life and for what?? I don't feel any better at the end of the day instead I could end it with a prayer. Going threw the photo album will be a task for me but one that is necessary and I will ask God for his help everyday as I reflect my years of growing. This retreat for me is very important as it is not something I have ever done before. I feel that I have lost my way and my faith but I know if I ask for God's help he will help. My goal is to understand where I go from here.

WEEK 1: Lord I am here. Be with me as you always are. Thank you for this retreat. Thank you for my childhood memories for they are full of love and laughter and above all, Your blessings. Amen.

As I begin the first week, I am filled with a sense of gratitude for the relationship that I have enjoyed with God from a tender age. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever—I am grateful that God has been with me in both good times and bad. God did not take away the most painful times, but God’s presence in those times made all the difference. Thank you, Lord, for your love and your grace.

-Bryan

I just completed week 1 of the retreat.  Due to distractions that I used as excused this is the second time that I’ve given this retreat a try.  This time, I feel ready to commit to it and not let the distractions of my life get in the way, but to weave in the program to my life as is described. 

On that note, I was reading Psalm 139 this morning and finding myself totally enthralled with it.  I’ve heard this many, many times before in church, and there is a song that we sing at church with these words, but for some reason it really hit me today.  That God loves me, the person that I am right now.  That I cannot fool him like I might be able to fool people that I know.  I am also struck by the way that the Psalms (all of them are written) – like the way a lover writes to his/her loved.  They are written with complete admiration and praise.  So many times my prayers are about things or people here on earth and not praise to Him.  Why?  I want to begin praising Him in my prayers like the Psalms do as well as asking him for blessings. 

I’m truly excited about the adventure I’m beginning.  I already feel a change in my heart.  I know good things are going to come.

I know it's early (1st week), and I can't expect to understand. I do 
understand a little of the importance of praying, "Lord, I know you 
are with me today." Because when I really believe that in my heart, I  can give these questions the time that God wants.

Here is my prayer:
Thank you Lord, for being with me today. As deeply as my heart can say  this, thank you for what you have brought about this week to bring me closer to you. I love you!

Week 1: I started this week with lots of enthusiasm and joy in my heart because I had attended a lot of retreats in the past. So I started off by remembering myself being formed in my mama’s womb. And so on as I reached the age of 2yrs, I remembered one particular joyful moment of my life, to which I was so attached that I could not accept things after that. I continued praising God and asking Him to give me the grace to be detached and accept everything with more praise and thanksgiving. It took me two days to go through that pain, but ultimately Gods love victoriously triumphed. Even as I was praising God for making me in His image and likeness, this was the first time, I praised God for  my skin, my hair, my eyes so wonderfully and beautifully made. To accept myself the way I am – so difficult but not impossible unto the Lord. I thank u Lord, and give me the grace to continue with this retreat with the power of your Holy Spirit and with the intercession your dear Mother, Mama Mary with all the angels and saints.

Week 1:I've gone through much of my history through other prayer, and I found what I got out of this meditation was not a sense of my own guilt or shame in things I've done, but rather an understanding that I did what I did because I didn't understand who I really was in God.  Looking back on it now, I see that I was looking for love outside of God in a variety of ways, all of which was destined to fail.  I now see that my identity is in Him, which makes all of those other events irrelevant

.Week 1: My first week which ended last Saturday was the blessed day my daughter brought into the world a precious son and my grandson.  Her daughter is only  19 months old and at the Mommy clinging stage.  As I reflected this week on my life, both happy and sad times, I couldn't help but feel such an overwhelming and abundancy of love for life by spending this week with my daughter and helping her adjust to this life-changing event.  As I saw this young woman and daughter of mine juggle a new infant and toddler with such patience and love, it continued to re-affirm how proud she has always made me.  The gold nugget in my life is when I gave birth to my daugher watching her grow in the beautiful mother and young woman she is today.

Week 1:  Difficult and at times painful.  I have no memories before the age of 14.  What “memories” I do have come from photographs I have seen.  Memories after that are scattered.  I became very good at putting periods of my life in a closet and shutting and locking the door early on that this continued into later life.
The events resulted in a lifelong struggle with alcoholism and depression.  I thank God for 15 years of sobriety.  I know that God has always been with me through these struggles and because of them I have been able to reach out and help others in a way I might not have been able to. 
I praise God for the beautiful creation I live in, I thank God for forgiveness and mercy and grace.  However I have lost the close connection I used to feel with God.  The gang rape of my 12 year old god-daughter has shaken my faith in God despite my knowing that people have free will and “bad things happen to good people”.   Her cries for help were not heard.