Faith. Today, it still continues to be a word I try to comprehend completely and every day, I realize how I will never truly know how this concept will play out in my life. When I read the first reading this evening, I couldn't help but know right away what it means to me. Even though I don't quite understand it all, or the Gospel, I know what it is a reminder of and how that reminder is meant to quiet my mind and bring me peace this evening.

For me, faith is the hope we each have that what we are doing is good and right and will be seen as such by God when our time for eternity comes. It is the light we each have in those moments that we don't know what to say or do but we just keep going. In all honesty, this reading reminds me of my week. This week I did something I was not proud of and that was not me. I felt defeated, used, and manipulated while I felt as if I had caused all these pains on another. Throughout the week, the feelings subsided until I had an update on the situation followed by talking with a friend in a similar situation. And after a few minutes of reflecting on these events, it felt clear to me for the first time since I had betrayed myself (despite the days of turning it over in my mind previously). I was done; I could wash my hands of it because I had finally forgiven myself. It turned out the only person I really caused pain to was myself and at the end of the journey, everyone had moved on. The only person holding me back was me. Granted, what I have done was not good by God's law and for that, He has already forgiven me. Instead, what truly matters was the faith I had in myself to know what I did was wrong, then find solace in it, and accept it as God would want me to do.

Tonight, I found faith in my thoughts and the kindness in others. In the conversations, the tears, and the laughs that followed, I was able to find the hope I needed. I knew the Spirit had graced my mind and heart to allow me to find myself again. God had placed these individuals in my life to teach me something about my faith and myself. Now, I can reflect on these events, individuals, and feelings to know I am able to live with God because I am righteous by faith in finding my way back to Him. This trust and hope is what guides us all back to Christ and His safety of love. It is what has guided me to know God is here for me, even when I am not here for myself, and that when I lean on Him, everything will be exactly as it is meant to be. Life will continue to be a struggle for me, as it is for everyone, but I am reminded of the old adage "Faith makes things possible, easy." and for the first time, I am truly grateful for the hope that brings.