“Turn toward me, and have pity on me;

Give your strength to your servant

And save the son of your handmaid.”

I was reflecting on how I return this love and was moved by a story in the magazine America about a Jesuit priest Father Dent who had been a missionary in India, returned to the US because of a serious health problem then spent 30 years petitioning to be allowed to return to India. The writer is confused by his absolute obedience to his community but deeply moved by his witness of faith. Father Dent’s advice to the author is to say the prayer he prayed constantly, “Lord Jesus, I love you with all my heart”. As I read the article I thought that I do not feel the same compelling call that Father Dent had or at least I do not discern it as clearly. But this prayer is a good prayer to adopt as a response to this week’s reflections. Week 9

I can barely type this through my tears this morning. They are tears of love and gratitude to my dear Lord for this love He has for me that I cannot truly understand or fathom. To know, for certain, that He has always loved me, through it all…the muck, the mire, the beautiful, the blessedness, the ugliness, the sadness, the happiness and on and on and on…He has never abandoned me and never will. The healing mercy I focus on this week…to feel this wounded soul of mine being cleansed with the ”blood” and the “water” on an old scrubbing board, so gently, up and down, up and down, baptized over and over, even though I know there is only one baptism. How I can see so clearly how God is using everything and everyone, as He always has, to touch me. The people who are on this same journey with me, their sharings, their prayers, the bearing of their souls to help me and all of us…those spiritual people who planned this retreat to bring us all to our wonderful and loving God, right where we need to be. My son, Steven, who planted the seed about St. Ignatius’ retreat many years ago, and then, Anne Bingham of Living Faith Daily Reflection who wrote about this in one of her reflections and watered that seed…and St. Ignatius, himself, for using his gifts to lead us to the Cross of Jesus and find joy and peace there. God is blessing us all, I am sure…June

right now, i am in a separation that came about by my own design and through my own infidelity. in past weeks, the retreat reminded us that no one gets up in the morning and says "today im going to sin", and that sin often appears as something we think we need and is good for us. thats why it is the great deceiver. and i have allowed myself to follow that deceit. so much of it makes no sense, and now that i have truly realized my sin, and am seeking to make amends, it appears my wife wants no part of it. i may lose everything that is truly dear to me.

but, and i know this sounds crazy, had i not felt so alone and desperate, i most likely would not have found this retreat, i might not have entered therapy, nor would i be as hungry as i am to get to the next level spiritually. today, i will be visiting a priest who i have known since i was a child...to make a detailed confession, and to ask him to serve as my spiritual director. none of this would have come about except through the suffering i am feeling from my own sins and their effects on those whom i love most, my wife and children.

i want to be free of my long held patterns of sin and failure and feel the acceptance and love that god has for me. i'll keep going, no matter what. he keeps calling me...maybe finally i will listen.

I decided to share this morning because the suggested readings included one from Paul to the Ephesians chapter two which reminds me that we are loved and treated much better than we deserve.  I sensed that Paul knew me in that I felt anger at the time of reading this passage.  How could he say that to me; I have been a good person and I work hard at being a nice guy.  I deserve something better than being admonished that I am loved inspite of my mistakes. 

Underneath the defenses, I hear Paul's words and they strike a blow for humility.  In relative terms to what I read on the front page of the paper, I am good, but it doesn't take much effort and I see my failings.  Paul's words are finally comforting.  I can never win God's love; it is just a given.  It is there for me anytime I want.  Like a mother or father's open embrace, God's love is unconditional won by the sacrifice of Jesus.

There, I can feel that enthusiasm picking up speed again!

There is only one invitation, though it comes in many forms. Christ invites us to the cross.

Tom, Pennsylvania

I found this week’s reflections quite a blessing compared with the previous week when I felt restless. I did deeply reflect what I would say if my wife came and said she was deeply committed to moving to quite different environment responding to a deep need or call. At this point in my life I would respond quite positively. Would that always have been so, I’m not sure. I resisted the temptation to answer the question so then “what is God really calling me to do?” I stayed with the invitation. But I contrast other times when I have tried to answer a “call”. I reflected before that I was sure when I was in my early 40’s that I had a deep calling to pack everything up and move to Africa and then surprising myself in deep discernment that my calling was to remain where I was, doing what I was doing. Similarly, after a big disappointment at work when someone else was chosen to be CEO of my company I was sure I had to find something else but I was not going to damage my family and colleagues in finding it. I was restless to find this and maybe even annoyed that God didn’t oblige with a nice CEO role somewhere else. I don’t feel this anymore. So I’m not sure where this journey will take me but I’m thankful for release from restlessness. Week 10.

The Lord, on the other hand, selects isolated places to show His glory and it can be very lonely places externally and internally ( in my heart ) - so different from the glamour of Hollywood parties. He invites me to be with the ostracized and, in the process, being ostracized also. He asks me to forego the riches of this world, which means I can never have a Lincoln Navigator nor a BMW. It is so counter-cultural and a way to failure in the eyes of my relatives and friends ( never mind the world ).

But the Lord invites me to look at my life in perspective. He has sent strangers to minister to me materially and spiritually : e.g., an acquaintance giving ( not lending ) me food money when my pocket was empty, new friends sprouting out of nowhere to replace those who have abandoned me ( because I am a failure in their eyes ), and a new career in social work beckoning me to be with Him in " distressing disguises. "

Still, the world seems a harsh place with high tuition fees and low salary rates for those who serve His people..because they/we have no paid lobbyists nor trumpeteers in the news media...Somehow, though, I will make it with Him. I just don't know how. I cannot see beyond the bend, although I see sparrows and seagulls thrive through winter without hands nor theories to equip them. The Heavenly Father is more than enough for them. I trust Him to be the same with and for me.

So I drop my nets ( including my earthly wisdom ) and follow Him, dying to my fears and being born into His Kingdom which human eyes hath not seen nor ears hath heard... Because, Yahweh, I know you are near ( Psalm 139 ).

I had tremendous resistance to going forward when something might and in all probability WOULD be asked of ME. With all my baggage of fear, control, criticism, and judgment I thought I would never move forward. Then I thought of a yard sale or flea market! All you can do is lay the item out , no matter what the condition, and hope to sell it "as is". If no one buys it you can always give it away. Well, I'm laying myself out for the Lord to take, any or all of me, as He sees fit. I can't sell myself, so I'll just "give myself away" to He who collects all the "junk" of His earth. Wishing all of you a great day in God's "flea market" ! 

I started the retreat soon after I met the first person in my life who seemed to understand everything I said, and had been many of the same places in her soul as I had been in mine. For about a month we shared very deeply, enjoyed each other's company nearly every day and were pretty much in love. I can see now how foolish that was, but who sees such things at the time? Then I said things of which I was very ashamed, and since then it has been a struggle to maintain contact and build on what was good in our friendship. This has been the biggest 'dying' of all for me, and is still going on. It revealed how much anger there was under the surface, and that God wants to deal with that before I can go any further. It has probably been the cause of my recurrent depression, which has often paralysed me in my close relationships. Please pray for me as I work through this with my loving heavenly Father. He is showing me how much he loves me in all this, although it doesn't always feel like that!

Again, I want to express my thanks for the opportunity for this spiritual 'workout'. I've never embarked on anything like this before, and I was a liitle wary of starting, but it's turned out to be the biggest adventure of my life. I feel if I can see this through I'll be able to cope with all the frustrations and contradictions of life so much better, and be of so much more help to those around me. It's happening already!

The greatest part of all is that now I AM able to reach out to others in true love instead of some sense of duty. I have longed to see the good in others the way that God does and now I can.  I have heard the psychology of first having to accept yourself before you can accept others for years. But that was not possible for me without the deepest realization of God's love and acceptance for me first.  It was in my head, but not in my heart or deepest core of my being. For the first time in my life, I have seen Jesus in the eyes of those I help. Thank you Father God, thank you Jesus my savior and Thank you Holy Spirit, for your steadfast love.

Christ invites me to the cross. How do I respond?

My first reaction: I am terrified.

But as I look, as I love, I cannot turn away. There is no other way. And my best response (Psalm 100) bursts forth:
“Cry out with joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Serve the Lord with gladness.
Come before him, singing for joy.
Know that he, the Lord, is God.
He made us, we belong to him,
We are his people, the sheep of his flock.
Go within his gates, giving thanks.
Enter his courts with songs of praise.
Give thanks to him and bless his name.
Indeed, how good is the Lord,
Eternal his merciful love.
He is faithful from age to age.”

Tom, Pennsylvania

I found this week both empowering and then latterly challenging. I kept coming back to the central prayer, “in these or similar words”, and resting with it. In fact, when I think of where God might lead me in the longer run I can more authentically say, “I abandon myself into your hands; do with me what you will”. I recognize that as the prayer says God’s invitation is “gentle, not the fear-filled one I fretted over”. But I found it more challenging to respond “yes, Lord” to the everyday events I encountered. Of course, I was more fear filled of some things I had to do t work than I am of God’s invitation which is silly. I also had a concrete sense of my shying away from responding “Yes Lord” on Friday when I went round to visit a friend of mine. He has been ill but is recovering and also just broken up with his partner. I did spend a lot more time with him than I had planned but I felt I should have stayed longer... that he actually needed my presence. I didn’t respond “Yes” as quickly as I should have. I preferred to go back to doing what was on my “To Do List” for the day.

However, I’m writing this in Florida looking over the Gulf as the sun rises and the waves break on the beach. I guess I’m stealing a little time before winter personally starts for me. In some ways, though, using the retreat method of reflection at different moments in our day is for me a little like these quick moments in Florida, they provide the sunshine and warmth that remind me of the power of God’s love in our lives. Thank you for providing this opportunity for grace.

I am on week 11 of this retreat and I thank and praise God for guiding me here. I have done a lot of reflecting and praying over the last couple of months but this week has really touched me. We have many native Canadians in this city of Toronto and I guess I have become complacent like a lot of people I guess. I have always associated them as the other people. I justified my thoughts by thinking what more can they ask for.They get tax free benefits and the government has done their best to compensate them for the injustices done to them long ago. But I realized that this is not about money or compensation but about acceptance into mainstream society. The majority still live on reserves and are basically treated as second class citizens.The fact of the matter is that god says that in his kingdom there are no blacks or whites or red or yellow. We are all children of light. Our faith tells us that God's kingdom is here on earth not just in heaven. I have become more aware that these are people in need of help not just monetarily but to help them become part of the one family of Christ.

God Bless all who are on this retreat.
Pat

I'm thinking about doing the next few weeks in a shortened form (Sun-Wed and Wed-Sat) so that I can get on with the Liturgical Year for Lent.  I hope that works out well.

Then, as I continued to read the part about how in responding to Him, I become the authentic person He created me to be my fears evaporated!  What a chord this struck with me.  I have been focusing for the last couples of years on trying to become the person God created me to be!  I can see where my unique experiences in live have equipped me to be of service to others.  I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and have been able to share that with many others.  My husband and I have experienced God working profoundly in our marriage and we have been given the opportunity to share His healing with other hurting couples through the ministry of Retrouvaille.  I also meet with two other women weekly in an open 12 Step group where we share and minister to each other on a deep level.

God, I believe, is saying, "don't look at where I'm leading you in the future.  Look at where I've brought you today".  When I look at just today, I find it much easier to give Him my "yes" wholeheartedly.

May God bless all of you who are on this journey with me. 

Part way through week 12, falling in love with Jesus. I have loved Jesus for a long time, but this is a time to let Jesus show me more of Himself. As I try to be open, I am also finding that I am seeing God the Father. They are One, so when I see Jesus touching people, I am starting to see the Father touch them as well. (This is new for me.) Can it really be that the Father not only gave His only Son for us, but He also gave Himself? I want to love God more. As with last week, every yes brings love closer. May I always speak and live that yes. And when I don't, lead me back.

hello to all on retreat.i was travelling to family throughout week 12 and i tried to have the background theme running but i couldnt quite understand it. and battled to grasp the feeling of jesus here on a mission from god. i suppose that seemes foolish. i could glimpse the compassion of the father looking at this world and sending his son to us . i could see me travelling from my son in one city to my daughter in another and understand just a glimmer of the divine taking care of his loved ones. and when i was with my son and his family the joy and delight in seeing these young people who have struggled and run wild - now fine young adults - warmed my heart.
on the last day of my trip i went to work in sydney with my daughter to see what her daily life is like so i can imagine her there when im home here 1000 kiloometres from her and as we walked through a long cold railway tunnel in winter - this lovely young woman bent to each busker and each homeless person and smiled and put gold coins down for them. and her compassion was a beautiful thing to watch. it was just one element of a loving and blessed week . im glad to be done with week 12 but i cant quite tell you why.
as i roamed over 1000s kilometres here on buses and trains and planes - i was aware of the concept of following to whatever jerusalem i am led to and now i can picture the light again. lighting the path god wants me to follow. god bless you all.
-- nell from tweed

I had a hard time making sense of this week’s material. There was talk of falling in love and of Jesus’ photo album and of why Jesus took on flesh to be with us. None of it seemed to line up for me.

I kept thinking about this week’s picture: the tree—what does it represent? Eden or the Cross? And the barrier of yellow tape that surrounds it—what does it say? “MINE! MINE! MINE!” More ambiguity—though I know the tape warns of land mines, it also seems to shout out someone’s ownership…

“God’s compassion missions Jesus.”

The best I can do is this: at the center of my heart is the Cross. From before time it waited for Christ. Christ saw the barrenness of that cross. He has navigated the MINES! of my heart—all the selfish attachments I cling to—so that my cross, all suffering, will not be empty any more, but bear his image. If I want to see him there, I must, too, navigate the MINES! They will be suddenly behind me, just as the glories of heaven were left behind when Christ chose incarnation. And he and I will be together, there between heaven and earth.

Tom, Pennsylvania

Lord, as I have sat with you this week, contemplating your story … trying to understand it more fully … relating it to my life … I am struck even more by the immensity of your creation and loving power.

You created a world which could be self sustaining … a world which evolves in dynamic ways. You created variation. Our ancient wisdom texts saw variation as a sign of your majesty … whether it was variation in language or variation in nature. The fact that we can understand the dynamics of most natural systems through the eyes of probabilities does not imply that creation was a random event. Randomness is a “null state”. Probability distributions illustrate the dynamic development of your original plan.

That original plan offered us the opportunity to live with you in perfect freedom. But free to explore the world we lived in we chose not to live with you. Rather, we saw opportunities to put ourselves at the center of things often for our temporary good and at the expense of others around us. We have repeated this pattern century after century … passing on our self-centeredness to other generations … seeing our creativeness as evidence of our superiority rather than as part of your creative plan.

How frustrating for you, Lord, who only wanted to put all things at our disposal to understand you better and to live in perfect freedom with you. Variation also can have catastrophic effects not only dividing and separating people but causing the powerful to continue to flourish and to ignore the center of creation as being in you. So you also demonstrated even more love. You breathed your Spirit on your people so that they would see the effects of our disobedience and return to you. As we repeat in the Eucharistic Prayer, “”From age to age you gather a people to yourself … from East to West … so that a perfect offering may be made”. The witness to your loving correction is played out over and over again. But still we have a hard time taking up your offer.

So you come to us in the form of your Son to show us your love in concrete ways. But, Lord, you are realistic. That event is transformational because He touched deeply a small group of people who saw again your transforming power. You were realistic because you saw that the probability that the rich and powerful and those who thought they depended on them would not necessarily be changed by you in this form. You engaged where it most hurt … becoming a victim to their ultimate cruelty … and then having the audacity to rise again and show that even death could be overcome.

So I look at the picture of Sarajevo and I ask … how is this playing out here? I see the depth of cruelty and inhumanity and realize that you ask me to be there with you because if I’m not it is to deny your ultimate action on Calvary. But I look beyond there at the skyscrapers in a city that could be any 21st century city. I see the creativity that springs from that then I see that there we have the sponsors of inhumanity, the indifferent and the refugees. Then, I think of my friend and mentor, Luis, who month after month, consistent with his Ignatian roots, during the heights of the Yugoslavian troubles flew secret missions to Kosovo and other places to try to broker peace. I think of my friend Justin’s father who despite having suffered terrible cruelty himself in Central Africa, true to his Catholic upbringing, worked tirelessly in East Timor and now in Cote de Ivory for peace. I see in these people that your transforming presence, Lord, still lives on.

So I ask … what part of your transforming presence do you want me to take on?

On Friday of this week, Jesus spoke to me, as always, through the Gospel…”Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will save it.” Luke 17:33 Then the reflection written by Mitch Finley said, “The only way to be a channel of the presence of the risen Christ in the world is to let your life slip right through your fingers in whatever way you can.” At this point on this journey, I have been more able and willing to let that happen. “I just can’t seem to do enough for you, my Jesus!” Now, as I am assured of His love for me, it has become so much easier. I cry in thanks everyday at one time or another. Somewhere I read that we experience true joy only at the foot of the cross. Before I always separated the two…now they are enmeshed and my peace is overflowing. Week 12

--June

i found myself very sombre this week and wishing i had access to spiritual feedback. i read in one of the sharings that they recieved emails from creighton and wish that were in place for those of us who are alone with this process. nonetheless it felt rich for me this week. and i didnt get too busy once i came home from travelling to my children and grandchildren. that enabled me to embrace the ancient longing as well as the present longing for the love and presence of my family. several of the readings touched my heart and spirit. i was feeling older than sarah and very lonely to come back to my little rented cottage . ths beginning of this century has seen many seeming losses for me. and driving dark country roads late at night to come to my place where i live alone was pretty tough.
then i downloaded the weeks retreat and despite the sombre nature of it - i enjoyed it. can this happiness be mine ? am i too old ? is the way before me still being prepared ? the questions dominoed through me all week - but i felt as if i were in the presence of the beloved and although the answers havent yet come - i did feel that i had someone to ask them of . and now i wait.
-- nell from tweed

The retreat was with me a lot this week, especially as I helped my son make an ornament for the “Jesse tree” in the classroom at his Catholic school. He happened to draw, as his assignment, King David. I enjoyed showing my son how to make the six pointed star and wondered how Jesus must have felt to be Son of David. I imagined Jesus knowing all his ancestors with divine intimacy and tenderness. Those who gave him the form of his flesh were not mysterious to him. How marvelous his body must have been to him! As Son of David, he knew his heritage and his father’s will. Christ gives me a new understanding of how little I know of my own heritage, how little I know of God’s will for me. All the more, I must trust his knowledge, his will.

I am grateful for the Jewish people and their faithfulness to their covenant with the living God. As the psalmist says, “your heritage is my delight!”

Tom, Pennsylvania

I enjoyed this week and felt more focused although as is typical for this time of year it was a disjointed and busy week. I entered more fully into reflecting on this week’s screen saver picture along with the direction to understand “Jesus’ family album”. This was an interesting exercise to do when the WTO talks are happening in Hong Kong. If ever there was concrete evidence of how nationalistic self-interest can thwart reaching out to the poorest of the poor this was it. But looking at the Old Testament stories I can see how it is so easy to look at these familiar stories and see them as history … maybe even our history or to see them as the basis for nationalistic or tribal dogmas. However, seeing them through Jesus’ eyes I felt a strong sense of the endurance of God as a strongly loving God. Then I look at the family in the screensaver. Initially I want to avoid looking at the suffering … the father has obviously been hurt … and the poverty. But looking at it with a strong sense of the God of Love from “Jesus’s family album” I understand that God wants more from me. He wants not just intellectual arguments or clever dogma. He wants active love. I reread the daily readings as if I’m reading them with our family in the picture. The words of scriptures from Isaiah “to me you are very dear and I love you” demands that in my everyday life I move beyond intellectual argument to reach out to our screensaver family and others in need.

I have just finished week 13 of the on-line retreat and it is really touching my heart. I want everybody to know how much God loves each person and how His generosity, love, mercy, and forgiveness cannot be outdone. God does not want to remain a mystery to us. He wants us to know Him because He is our creator. He made us from nothing and loves us as his only child. Many of the pictures that go with each week personally touch my heart. i was at the Red Cloud Indian Mission school two summers ago and stood in the same room where the picture was taken. In April I went to Bosnia-Hercegovnia and saw the destruction from the war. I visited a refugee camp for the first time in my life and saw first-hand the injustice of war on the lives of so many people. I am no longer apathetic about the evils that go on around me, but have taken an active stance by becoming a volunteer counselor for women in crisis pregnancies at Right To Life. I am also leading two adult Catholic Faith Formation classes in my parish and am a Religious Education teacher for 4th and 5th graders. Thank you for making this retreat possible.
-- Sandy

It was slow getting into week 13, but God is so good, as we all know! I was, what I thought of as, behind, letting my weeks go longer than 7 days…but then, just what I needed happened! Advent came upon me with the beautiful readings of Isaiah and David’s Psalms…all that Jesus heard in His own life! Reminders of how I (and, we) am so connected with Him! Stories of His (and, our) ancestors that He (and, we) had heard over and over, again. Their sufferings and joys, their sinfulness and sorrow for theirs sins, their doubts, fears, hopes, dreams and faith that carried them through all the rest.

This morning, as I began week 14 and how to reflect on God’s Words by putting myself in the stories, I thought this may be difficult, since I have never reflected on Scripture this way. However, I want to share how Jesus came to me through this exercise. The reading from Luke 1: 5-25, 57-66…Zechariah in the temple when the Angel Gabriel gives him the unbelievable news about John. First, I imagined myself and how I would be if an angel appeared to me. I, too, would be scared to death!! Then to give me news of the most unlikely thing that could ever happen!! I, too, would have questioned this. In fact, I am afraid and I question many things that go on in my life. My tears came freely and I told Jesus I was so sorry for these fears and doubts, telling Him I don’t understand why I have them when I say my faith and trust are in Him alone. The words that He said on the cross to His Father came into my thoughts so powerfully at that moment…”My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” By putting this in my thoughts, He reminded me that He, Himself, in His humanness, was afraid and questioned, too. In this way, in a way I have never experienced, He told me, so lovingly, how much He understands me. What a wonderful God we have!!!
-- June

As Christmas approaches I visit with Jesus about the joy of the season and the nearness of His coming as a child in poverty and into a cold world that even denied Him a home as a newborn. I ask him to give us all the grace to somehow continue to hang on to the spirit of this season. I ask for this every year; perhaps this is the one that will be my year of remembering. Perhaps as I continue this retreat it will become the prodding that I need to keep me close to the enduring spirit of the newborn Jesus.

I just finished week 13 of the on-line retreat: “God prepares the way” and have most certainly experienced, through these exercises, that God has prepared the way for me to move away from fear and cowardice to lovingly and fearless proclaiming of His good news.  I did not realize that was what He was doing at first…but why should I:  I am creature; He is Creator.  I have been struggling for a long, long time with trying to overcome my fear of speaking the truth regarding my beliefs on moral issues, particularly abortion and same-sex marriages.  I used as my excuse the fact that I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and that it was not safe to voice such scorned minority opinion; nonetheless, this lack of bearing true witness did not sit well with me.  I love my God and I believe in the sanctity of life and marriage:  why could I not bear witness to this.

I thought that if I looked over my life, I could find the core of the fear and weed it out…like magic I would be free of my fear.  I found most quickly that this attempt at an easy fix did not work.  I still feared to speak the truth.  Then I started week 13.  It seemed rather mundane to me…to look at the Old Testament and Jesus’ Jewish heritage.  Little did I know the graces that I would receive.  It has taken me about 3 to 4 weeks to move through the lessons and challenges found within the context and content of the lesson.  I think that it started with the question of “what do I long for from God” and the directive to learn “to ache with the world and its ancient longing for return and unity with its loving Creator.”  I realized that I long for freedom from all that keeps me from the love of my God and from my returning that love, i.e., freedom from my ego, my fears, my self.   I saw my fears and lack of true witness as hindering me in my love relationship with Love....

...And so I am so grateful for the many graces that I have received from week 13 on the on-line retreat and pray that I continue to bear true witness to the loving kindness and magnificent goodness of my God and the truth of His Word

Now, I am challenged with a desert-like experience where I thirst and feel distant from the one I love.  My heart longs for a sense of the intimate. Before this retreat my awareness stopped at this point and I felt abandoned and alone.  Now, I know that my heart's longing is itself my current expression of love and intimacy and that my Lord want the same thing I do. I will read and listen to his word.  I will look for Him and pray for an increased sense of His presence. 

I return to what I have learned in this retreat and I remember that He speaks to me in many ways. His love reaches me in many ways.  I reach for Him, too, in many ways.  Thank you Lord for changing my heart.  I will keep the change.

So. I’m imagining poor old Zechariah. He’s been away to the big city with the guys for a week and when he comes home, he can’t speak. Imagine how that goes over with the wife! And best of all, mute as he is, he needs to communicate to Elizabeth that she’s going to have a son!

Imagine how poor old Zechariah worried over this all the long walk home. Elizabeth was barren—a disgrace in that time and place. After so many years of her being a disgrace to him, was she sexually repulsive to him? But he had received the promise of an angel; this must have awakened in him courage, determination, even a youthful vigor and a willingness to look upon Elizabeth with new eyes, to forget her disgrace and look upon her, not as hopeless, but as the source of great hope: a son—and not just any son, but a son who will bring happiness and gladness and the same power and spirit that Elijah had. Imagine how his pace quickens along the road.

But still—to communicate all this to his wife without words! Zechariah must have been a very tender lover when he returned home.

Tom, Pennsylvania

Continuing this reflection from earlier in the week, as I contemplate Elizabeth and Zechariah, Mary and Joseph I ask the question, “what gave them that special courage to discern and follow through on God’s call to them?” They certainly embodied the message of God’s love and faithfulness which they would have learned by special attention to the Hebrew Scriptures. They saw how that applied to their lives. Around them others had equal access to these scriptures and the message that is so clearly laid out. I’m sure it was the same in their day. Theoretical argument blunted the messages of grace. Used for political or nationalistic purposes the message of love was lost. But God intervenes in their lives and they respond. I feel that what is remarkable about Mary is not that she says “Let it happen” but that she doesn’t change her mind afterwards. If I were in her position then maybe I would have bargained with God. She follows through. Likewise with Joseph … and what is also clear is that even responding and saying yes does not mean that the road from then on is smooth.

What does this mean for my own call? I feel a strong need to rethink and respond. I will try to model the trust in God demonstrated in these strong pictures this week.

Yesterday in anticipation of Christmas, I was imagining what it would be like to be Mary. To hold the baby Jesus. To hold God. I could feel him in my arms. So small, so vulnerable, so perfect in his peaceful sleep.
God, an infant. Held. The love I felt holding that baby was almost overwhelming. Then I reversed the roles and imagined God holding me as an infant feeling the love one feels for the most precious and the most vulnerable. Oh what a Christmas gift! Come let us adore Him.

Denise

The reading for today is Luke 1: 39-45 (The Visitation)

We were asked to put ourselves in the situation of the reading either as an observer or as one of the characters. As I settled to meditate on the reading, this is what happened.

I woke early, as today I was to go and stay with my cousin Elizabeth for a time. It was a fairly long walk and although the weather was still reasonably cool, I liked to travel in the cooler part of the day.

Should I take food and drink? A little food, but it wasn’t too hot, and I could do without a heavy water skin.

The weather was calm, the morning light softened the landscape and I set out with a light heart and thanking God for the gift I was to bear. I marvelled at the colours on the distant hills, and the deep, soft blue of the sky. After travelling for nearly an hour, the sun had warmed up and the smells of the animal droppings and outhouses got to me. I began to feel decidedly unwell – morning sickness! There was nowhere for me to conceal myself and I was sick on the side of the road, hoping that no one would notice. Some hope. Several people commented but made no attempt to approach me. After another half hour I was sick again and feeling ready to collapse. My head ached, probably with anxiety, and I wanted so much to just reach Elizabeth as soon as possible. After the third bout of sickness, a woman came to me, and gave me few sips of water. “Well lass, I reckon you’ll be worse before you are better.” How reassuring! However, she accompanied me the rest of the way to Elizabeth’s house where she left me with a cheerful “Make the most of your peace because after you have kids there is no more of it.”

Elizabeth greeted me with great love and tenderness, saying that she was glad I had come because now she could sit down and talk, her baby had been leaping around in her womb all day and she was exhausted. She thought he would be a very active man. As we sat and talked and drank cool drinks, I explained to Elizabeth how I had a feeling that my child would be a leveller – he would take the side of the poor and lowly and have hard words for those who put themselves above others. We talked for ages about this wondrous child I carried. Like most mothers, we liked to wonder what God’s plan would be for our children. Luke later wrote a poem about it, and embellished it somewhat, but I must say we did talk of many of those things.

And so I go to sleep in Elizabeth’s house, in the certainty of God’s love and protection.

I am starting week 14 of this retreat and I must say Our Lord never ceases to amaze me. My reflection as we approach the birth of our Lord is on Mary's unconditional response of yes. Our Mother trusted in God's Love and the fulfillment of her plan according to His Divine will not her own. She abandoned herself to Him who would make Her whole in Him. We too are called to trust and surrender to the Lord. It is up to me to say Lord let Your Will be done in my life knowing that he will truly do as he promised. I reflect on my own situation as a father of 2 teenaged children Andrew 19 and Sarah 17. I did all possible to raise my children in the faith. I brought them to church faithfully and raided them as good Catholics. About two years ago I was floored. My children stopped going to church and I realized there was nothing I could do about it but pray for them and Trust That the Lord would guide them the rest of the way. As difficult as it was for me I had to surrender them to the Lord and Trust just as Mary trusted that he would guide them. My prayer is that the Lord would bring my children Home where they belong.

God Bless Everyone on this retreat.
Pat