I think you must have looked back on your life and wondered how you had managed so far to fulfil your Father’s plans for you: by just working unnoticed in Nazareth you must have wondered how you could possibly save the world and teach the people about the love you had been quietly developing over your time at home with your mother Mary. We don’t know at this point whether Joseph was still alive so we don’t know whether you were leaving your mother alone. We don’t know whether you had fallen in love at any point with a particular person, and in any possible thoughts of resolution whether you perhaps you knew for some reason in your heart that you weren’t for one person, you were for all. Your heart was too big for one single person. As God you wanted all to be your children, and you, as God’s Son, would draw all of us to you as our brother….

With such thoughts you must have been going crazy in the desert – and for a long time not even thought of food. Eventually you got hungry: After the mental shock, it may have suddenly occurred to you that you could sort that problem, right now. Then maybe you realised the triviality of such a plan: you remembered the prophets and what they had foretold. God’s larger plan imposed itself in front of you, the words from the Psalm, ‘you will step on the viper…and not be harmed…’ mixed with other words ‘I will give you the nations of the earth…’

You must have thought how these could apply to you – you could do anything and God would look after you. You could do an arrival in style to impress everyone – but think, you might have said to yourself, would that be what God – who had just called you His son - wanted? If it was, He could have done it when you were born, instead of letting your mother give birth to you far from home in a stable….

But how, you must have thought again, how am I going to get the world to listen? I’m a nobody, a village carpenter, I don’t know the famous, the important and the powerful – but then, yes, yes! you must have shouted: I am the Son of God. He told me I was, He will help me…I know His plan, it is written for me. I have studied it since I was a boy…I don’t need anyone else, and certainly not the Evil One. ‘Get thee behind me, Satan…’

It is written, dearest Lord, that you were tempted in every way we are… I am. I have been trying to look at my temptations: I know I drink too much wine, but it is good and I thank you for it. The other thing is wanting to be loved and to be assured of it by everyone, but most importantly by one person in particular. Which would be a disaster for that person and for me. I know it is not the loving that matters, it is the wish to know that I am loved in return, which is where the temptation lies.

It is desirable, but I also know it is not important. It is important that I love all but more important is that I know I am loved fully and unreservedly by one truly faithful and constant lover: my dear God. He gives me everything – everything, from life itself, to the beauty of the world, to my family, to so many people to love – oh, to so many things! - to the overdose of talents he has given me which I am happy to use for him and for the building up of the Kingdom, for that is why they were given to me. He uses his love to mend me when I am broken, but best of all Abba has given me Jesus who loves and accepts me as I am, with whom and through whom and in whom I have everything. ‘The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want…’

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you! I love you always, all the days of my life. I love you, dearest Lord! I shall never understand why you are so kind to me. . .

Two things struck me this week as I reflected on the time Jesus spent in the desert.

To my fellow retreatants - you are in my prayers today.  May God continue to bless all of us and help us to get what He wants to give us this week.

good morning to all of you. i have just finsihed week 21 and was enjoying it deeply but woke this morning feeling very unhappy and alone.
during the week i was able to image on most days and enjoyed the walks on the lake shore. i think i always had jesus moving in fast motion. i liked the comment by one retreatant who said , i think, that he or she had always seen jesus as fully ready for his mission and just waiting for his body to catch up somehow. now i see the possibility of his being tempted by the temptations ( the certainty). and i begin to see that he wasnt sent to wander amongst us as a god but to fully experience those things we experience. this week, i began with my usual "jesus living out the gospel at full speed" choosing disciples -1-2-3. when i slowed it down. saw him coming out of the desert. victorious but ready for a lakeside holiday. wanderinfg the shores . watching the people. mebbe looking for the people he knew he wanted . or perhaps observing and choosing . taking them back to his place. talking and walking.
the last few weeks have somehow relaxed me into my own humanity and i am trying to read these stories as if i do not know what comes next because in a way - i dont. so im going on as if this is the first time i have heard the life of jesus. into the mystery. lvoe to you all .
-- nell from tweed.

I love the stories of Jesus calling his disciples. Though each is different, they all speak of an attraction so powerful that all else is left behind.

I can’t help smiling to myself when I think of St. Peter. We are told he had a mother-in-law—and an ailing one, no less!—but we hear nothing of a wife or children. What if St. Peter’s wife died in childbirth and he was left with only his ailing mother-in-law? That sounds like someone who might be more than ready to “leave everything behind” and follow Christ!

Then I started to think of other apostles: what of the Sons of Zebedee? Perhaps they had grown weary of laboring over the nets under the thunder of their father’s voice. Maybe they were ready to “leave everything behind” too. And Matthew? Though collecting taxes had its financial rewards, perhaps he had grown weary of being ridiculed and despised for collaborating with the Roman occupiers. Perhaps he had been thinking for some time already about finding a way to retire.

Into all these weary lives comes Christ. Though St. Peter’s situation first struck me as almost comical, it occurred to me that I, too, am weary. When I am, do I hear Christ and follow him?
-- Tom, Pennsylvania, Week 21

I started this week quite restless. I am wondering whether I really am in the right ministry. The fact that the alternatives are not immediately apparent is frustrating. I found the prayer Lead Kindly Light very useful in keeping me grounded. Then earlier in the week I was reflecting on the Gospel scene where Jesus has Peter cast again for fish where they have not caught anything all night. I think that Jesus recognized a trait that Peter had (or maybe more accurately that I have). I imagined that Jesus encountered Peter a couple of times before this scene and recognized him as really "gung ho". Peter was already imagining the fantastic social and political transformations that would happen through this man Jesus. Not all of this would be grounded as we know in what the Lord wanted. The last thing on Peter's mind is that this transformation could happen here and now where he was working. But that is precisely what Jesus demonstrated. Where we are now is just as important in the development of discipleship as where we will end up. Peter recognizes this and recognizes his own inadequacies in the face of these possibilities. I pray that when I cast my nets again this week the significance of what I do in Jesus's name will really be apparent ... however humbling that can be.

All of the weeks have made me a better person. My love for Jesus never dims. His love for me is obviously like a beacon, it is only I who shuts his eyes. Love to all.

Week 22. Although I move slowly, almost subconsiously, through this retreat, much is happening. Just as I am asked to be 'poor and humble' I am given the opportunity. And there I am complaining, so ungrateful. Really, it is a gift from God and I am trying to accept it. He shows me myself. But at the same time He is giving me the opportunity to be myself. To move from a situation that sits right with the world, gainful employment, to another where I am learning to pilgrim, to act out my trust in God. I can't even look for another job now because of 'disability'. Am I willing to accept that for myself, for others? Jesus is the vine and the Father is the gardener. He sure knows how to prune. And He tells me to be myself, the naked me. This really is a gift. Continue.

a lovely morning before dawn here in the sub tropics of australia. my prayers are with you all. the further i walk with you and jesus along this walk, the more i am aware of my own newness to this way of life.. im 56 years old and i have been clean and sober for 19 years this month . i have experienced the wonder of working through the 12 steps and being led into worlds i didnt dream existed and now i find myself in the same state of adventure and blessing. during the week i felt as though i were passing my days not only with the one companion but with all the followers. of a night i lay down snuggled in robes with others around me and words in my mind that ive never heard before .
the choice welling up in me is very unexpected and im sure it comes as a result of trying to read these words as if i have never hear them or jesus story before. im also not deciding what is spiritual or not. just listening to the words. and watching the events of my life and feeling things well up in me which are very very new to me. i think each week i will write something intelligent but i seem to get less intelligent each week and more wordless. my love to you all.
-- nell from tweed

“God blesses those people who depend only on him.”

Depending on God in my life often means depending on other people to be generous. However, when I find that people have let me down, I often find myself alone with God— and still trusting. Sometimes I feel that God has let me down too—like when he does not answer my prayers the way I want him to. Then, I feel like I do not know why I continue to pray. Still, I pray, even with a renewed sense of how utterly I depend on God. He gives me what I need, and I am afraid of how well he knows how little I need. He keeps showing me I need less. He keeps showing me I need only him. This is the blessing he promises: to sweep me off my feet like a lover if I will let him.

-- Tom, Pennsylvania

There are so many strong and familiar images this week. I always feel a strong tug when I imagine Jesus in the synagogue announcing his mission in the words of Isaiah. I think how he must have meditated so much on these words and now he is ready. His gaze is steady. There is no doubt he is announcing his calling. What do I need to do to respond … what should I change to "tell the good news to the poor"?

Then I think of Jesus' view of investment. He certainly does not follow the "diversification philosophy". The Kingdom of God is like the finest piece of jewelry you could ever imagine … so fine that you would sell everything … all your savings, investments, IRA, 401k, college fund in order to possess it. My financial advisor is going crazy. "You'll never recoup this investment … you don't know what it's worth …. at least in this world". Pray that I can make that kind of investment. Following Jesus is not a part-time hobby.

Then at the end of the week, I get a real jolt. My younger son tells me about some trouble he is in … reckless … thoughtless. I am so angry that initially I cannot even speak. Then I am very clear … I love him but he must see that actions have consequences and he has to take responsibility. Our society is certainly one where diversification of morals is a great thing … we invest our moral decisions where it is most convenient. I tell him I don't see that way of acting as consistent with God's call to us.

But then I am back to the retreat and Jesus' teaching on the hill takes full force. Of course, I want purity … holiness … and Jesus promises that desire can be satisfied. But don't get too self-righteous. You've said your piece. Now is the time to be merciful. I also feel so poor because my own patterns of sin earlier in my life could easily have taken me on the same road as my son. Jesus sees my poverty of spirit … my disappointment … my sorrow. He asks that I follow the road of peace here and keep my strong views of what is right clear in front of me.

This has happened to me before. I start being with Jesus in the synagogue wanting desperately to "free everyone who suffers and proclaim this is the year the Lord has chosen". Then I am brought back to the here and now … this is where you have to start it.

Week 22. Lord God, take me over and be gentle to me. I beg you to heal and not to inflict. I know that I am careless and even foolish, but have pity on me. I do not want to hurt you and I do not want to offend you--but please understand that I am mentally ill. I long for your love, but fear your power. I long for your healing, but am afraid of the cure.

Lord, take this body and soul which I have desecrated, and make it acceptable. And if it be your will, lead me to help others.

Amen.

May we all be open to God's call to each of us this week as we continue our journey.  God bless each of you and me too!

this week my car broke down leaving me out in the bush for 6 of the days at home. that drove me to the centre of my self. i encountered this week the resistance i am very familiar with. the resistance to healing. to the prospect of what being well could mean to me. and fear surfaced. i have developed a life at last which feels do-able by me. a very quiet and simple life. i am in recovery from drug addiction 19 years this week and on a disability pension.
i imaged walking with jesus which is a comfort for me and has become a rich experience in the last months . but limping a little . not asked to do more than i think i can cope with. at last a rested woman leading a kindly life and i seem to think healing would cast me back inot harshness and pressures and into doign things which mean little to me in the world out there.
most of the week i stayed beside him - not asking for healing. not touching the hem of his garment. and as you have taught us - standing free within the unfreedom of not being really whole.
in my life as it is i have plenty of quiet times for study and prayer and i live in a very beautiful place. i have meetings and people and am often amongst addicts needing help. i miss my family who are in other places but we communicate frequently and are close in love.
i think being healed will mean i have to get a job which takes me away from this .
so at the end of the week. im aware that i dont know that i do want to see. dont know whether i want to walk. dont know that i do want the pox removed which could give me no excuse not to enter into a loving relationship which may be developing with a good man as this retreat continues.
neverhtless i have said YES - and this means reaching out and touching the hem. no courageous begging or yelling for me this week. but an hesistant touch,
and i seem to glimpse what it would be like . that he wont leave me to go on alone if i am well. that he wont direct me into work or a life which is abhorrent to him or me. i am like a prisoner who is afraid of the outside world or a patient long hospitalised . so i have merely touched the garment fearfully .
i have also begun to see Him - as increasingly human. he tells them not to speak but they are so excited that they do. and i see him going off into the remote places because he , like us , doesnt have full control of affairs nor full knowledge of whats to happen on this earth. i had never considered before that he were asked to and had agreed to walk in uncertainty and without using the power he had.
my prayers are with you all and my love .
-- Nell from tweed

I had been going along seemingly without too much effort in reading and reflecting on the daily scripture provided and also the helps given for each week.
Then my sister passed away. I had been appointed her primary care giver and though she was in a nursing home there were many things to considered. I visited her at least four times a week, saw that she was clean, had proper clothes to wear, etc. She had good care and I was content to know that she would live for some years. She was then diagonsed with Alzhiemier's disease and lost her memory of current events very quickly. For a time, she did not know any family member but gradually she came to recognize me when I would visit. After her death, my reflections on scripture stopped as well as the weekly reflections. None of them seemed to have any meaning and my prayer was nothing but sitting in our parish chapel and finding comfort being with the Lord. Then I discovered that Week 23, the week I had been on, was on Jesus, healing physical and spiritual ailments. Gradually, I began to read and reflect again on week 23 and, thank God, started with the daily reflections again. Something made me start again and I could feel the healing that I need gradually taken place. I still miss my sister but now I remember all the happy times we had together before she was ill and not so much the last few weeks of her life. I hope, with God's help, to continue the scripture readings and go on to reflect on the life of Christ by following the weekly reflections of the retreat. I ask for your prayers.
Catherine

When Jesus healed the blind), Jesus “warned them sternly, ‘See that no one knows about this.’ But they went out and spread word of him through all that land.” (Matthew 9:27-31)

All my life, I have wondered at Jesus’ admonitions to keep silent about the healing he has done, and wondered just as much at the disobedience of those who have just received such a great gift! Indeed, anyone who spreads the gospel seems to disobey this directive. It is one of those biblical paradoxes that I don’t imagine I’ll ever understand.

A few years ago, I went on a weekend retreat where many of the participants shared profoundly moving—even miraculous—stories of how Christ had revealed his healing power to them. Many of us shed tears of recognition, relief, and release; many of us had carried inside us for years stories of healing that seemed too preposterous to breathe aloud. How astonishing—that such miracles are so common!

I imagine that the blind men whom Jesus healed were so full of joy and love—not only could they see, but they had seen their Savior’s love!—that they could not contain themselves, even at Jesus’ request! They are filled with something like young love, which so overwhelms the lovers that sometimes discretion is abandoned. Perhaps such indiscretion is a form of disobedience, yet wouldn’t it be wonderful to know that enthusiasm where joy cannot be contained, where the love that has been revealed to us must be revealed to others, where we can recognize and proclaim and celebrate the miracles in our lives? Then, perhaps, people would see us and respond as St. Luke describes the crowds around Jesus: “Everyone was amazed and praised God.’”

Tom, Pennsylvania

We’re walking along the road with Jesus. I’m excited to be there with him since I know his words touch me. I’m hungry for more and the journey to Jericho is long enough that I’m hoping to hear more of his teaching even if it’s informal as I follow him along that road. Now it’s quite demanding to try to keep up with him and ask questions and hear his responses. I’m not the only one seeking answers. This is aerobic learning!

We pass a blind man begging and he asks us what’s going on. “Jesus of Nazareth is walking by”, I tell him. Suddenly he starts shouting … “Jesus, Son of David, have pity on me”. Now we can hardly hear what Jesus is saying and I’ve lost my position close to him. I find this annoying. He keeps yelling, “Son of David, have pity on me” … others around keep telling him to be quiet. This only creates more noise. I’m really getting agitated. Now he is really yelling and screaming, “Have pity on me”. I utter a rather loud “Please …”

Then Jesus stops and asks me to bring the blind beggar over to him. I gently lead him and Jesus asks him what he wants. “I want to see”, he replies. Jesus looks at him gently and puts his hands on his head, telling him in a quiet voice, “Look and you will see … your faith has saved you”. The man looks up as Jesus removes his hands from his head and he can obviously see now. He looks so thankful.

Jesus starts walking again and the beggar follows as I do. It doesn’t really matter anymore that for this part of the trip I hear Jesus. I feel different. I see more clearly myself. My own needs were first even as I tried to be close to Jesus. That made me blind to others around me even if they were yelling in my ear that they needed help.

May I follow Jesus now with my eyes and ears open to those around me.

In Week 23 reflections, we were called to become more aware of how Jesus loves us in the real scenes of our lives. I was amazed and grateful as I reflected on each reading this week. In Luke 4, I was reminded of two profound times Jesus came to heal me. Both times were when I didn't know where to turn. Both times I begged for Jesus' help. The first was when my husband and I experienced disillusionment in our marriage (over 22 years ago) and He sent us on a Marriage Encounter Weekend. The second was at the height of our daughter's rebellious years (11 years ago) and I promised Jesus I'd never turn my back on Him again.

Both times of healing He evidenced to me the need for me to get a grip on my self-righteous and judgemental attitudes so that I could love my husband and my daughters as He does. Like in Luke 4, He ordered out my evil spirits and gave me eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to listen with love. As I reflected on those hard times, I can only remember growing closer and more in love with Our Lord.

Reflecting on Luke 5:17 made me recall a similar remark to "We have seen a great miracle today." It was a statement my husband said a few years after my conversion experience in '95. Jim remarked that he couldn't understand how our daughters had been transformed from rebellious teenagers into mature caring women. I immediately told him that it was prayer and the grace of God. I have no doubt that God was beginning to transform me too since He'd told me to look inside myself, to work on myself and to leave the girls to Him. By my listening, letting go and taking a good hard look at myself, I've come to know how much I need to be transformed.

There are times I feel ashamed (like Jesus' enemies in Luke 13:10-17) when He reveals to me my rigid and anal personality. I tend to be one who "does the right thing" or "follows the rules" but at whose expense? my family, friends, co-workers? I still struggle with being open, flexible and compassionate. I still struggle with materialism and selfishness and yet I am so grateful for God's love, presence and guidance. He's teaching me that there is only one way to bring peace to my heart, joy to my mind, beauty to my life and that is to accept and to do His will. Fortunately, I couldn't have a better teacher and friend to show me the way.

The life I have now came after ten years of doubt, study, and a total revision of my aspirations.  After I reached the absolute bottomless pit of human want and need, I met and married the most wonderful man.  We have redesigned our lives together, with our love and the church at the very center.  So, it isn't my life anymore -- it is our lives together.  I pray for each of you here -- a prayer that you might also find the very center of your being and with it, the happiness and grace deserving to all.

My prayer has become one of deeper gratitude for the life we have been gifted with and that more people will come to the understanding of God's special love for us through the miracles of that day.

Thank you again for this special online retreat - I am sure that my peaceful heart during the turmoil of the quake was a result of the prayer that I have been able to make part of my life over these last 23 weeks.

Dear fellow retreatants, I ask for your prayers for me in my struggle as I continue to pray for you in yours.

The other very simple grace of this week was to see more clearly that it is Jesus that does the healing, not me.  When I try to follow him in loving others, I look at people in my everyday life differently, particularly difficult people.  Jesus is already loving them unconditionally and offering them healing.  I'm there to contribute to his healing, by contributing to his acceptance of them.

I was particularly moved by the meditation on healing (23).  A few years ago, doctors didn't expect me to live.  But so many people were praying for me! Even Fr. Andy!   Maybe my coordinating this retreat is a way of thanking him for his prayers!    And thanking God for a chance to serve him.  There are so many things I can't do any more, yet God allows me to do this.     May you each hear your call from God.   May he bless you especially this Lent.

Yesterday, I attended funeral services for a young father of three who died suddenly, quite unexpectedly or a massive heart attack.  You can imagine the grief!  I'd like to say that underneath it all though, because of the love and strength Jesus the Healer, has demonstrated (Wk. 23), somewhere in all of this I see His gentle mercy and healing Love.

My point:  this Retreat has empowered me to grow in my faith, so that even in the face of death, I know He is in charge, and while we are grieving, I know he cares and hurts far more for these children and their mother, who've just lost their 45-y.o. dad.  And, I know without doubt ...... He has a Plan. And His Plan is for our (their) welfare, not harm.  His Plan is Perfect!

good morning to you all. from nell on the tweed. what a week ! never a dull moment following this retreat through is there ? i was anxious when i saw the theme. i have spent the last few years stepping back from controversy and conflict and developing a more peaceful relationship with the world. so i found it unnerving to think again of what might be asked of me.
for the moment i think i still need to remain quiet and allow the master to do the confronting because i seem to become either self righteous or too aggressive. i am begining to understand a gentle path with strength but i am in kindergarten in these matters.
my love to you all.
-- Nell,

This retreat continues to be a blessing in my life – I can feel that God is calling me to surrender, steadfastness, passion and boldness. The thought of those four together is a scary thing for me, but He has shown me His faithfulness and love. He calls me to intimacy. Week 24

With these thoughts in the back of my mind, I struggled as I listened to a friend preemptively assume that I would not be accepting or her decision to consider becoming a minister with a Protestant denomination. As she patiently explained to me, she’s a liberal Catholic and women aren’t treated well by the Church. She is highly educated and well-learned in the liturgy. I have felt similar feelings about the Church, but I do not consider myself a “conservative Catholic.” Nor was I a “liberal” Catholic. My metanoia experience a few years ago ensured that I was no longer a member of a faction in the Church. I had a great deal of sympathy that the Church’s explanation of what a woman should be seems to be far apart from who they really are – God’s beloved. Having a friend tell me that she couldn’t share her feelings or her decision with me on this choice told me a lot more about her wavering feelings than my own, but I was truly wounded in my heart that she should judge me that way. I remember offering her explanations of how “open” I was and how “understanding” I would strive to be.

Later that week, I went out to a happy hour with a few colleagues who were concerned that I didn’t have, as they termed it, “a bunk-buddy.” Their concern, they said, was that I didn’t have a life outside of my job. They saw that I didn’t hang out at bars to pick up men and that I was single with no kids. I defended myself by saying I had filled my life up with courses and activities and the Church. I was so embarrassed! I heard myself complaining how I couldn’t meet anyone anyway, but all I could think about was that my will no longer matters! It’s up to God and I didn’t have the courage to admit it. Just a few weeks ago, I had a priest suggest to me that I should be a nun. I can honestly say that I have been open to the idea – but I have no calling or vocation to join a religious sisterhood. My will is that I want a husband, a family, and a fulfilling life, but I am waiting for God’s will to show me my path in life.

I had jumped to self-blame and doubt in all of these areas – thinking that what they said was true: I am judgmental, alone, and without a life. Jesus is beside me in helping me to realize that I am a single, chaste (heck, celibate) woman in her early thirties, who would love a husband and a child, but was not willing to sacrifice who I was, beloved by God, to obtain them. I am a person filled with joy in the knowledge that I am trying to follow God’s will rather than my own. I am free as a child of God. I am not a loser for not having someone to sleep with, nor will I be one if it turns out that I am still unmarried, not a nun, and celibate at the age of 50. That is today’s society’s dictate – not God’s will – of what kind of life I am to lead.

How are single women to be in the church? How am I to be myself? I realized that I could let others define me or that I could just simply be myself. Then, it hit me: This past week’s guide for the Ignatian retreat showed Jesus as one who stood up for what he believed and, most importantly, for whom he was in Truth. I hadn’t understood what those reading meant until now. I, too, am a disturber of the people. I am undefined by society’s (including the practicing Church) dictates. And this is upsetting to most people. Apparently, I am supposed to be a nun or somebody’s date. I am supposed to be a conservative Catholic or a liberal Catholic. Pick a faction; pick an Order; pick a man. I am inspired by Christ’s outspokenness about who he truly was and what he truly believed. I pray for the strength to reply to those who question my lack of a label that I am myself, beloved by God. I am following God’s will rather than my own or society’s.

The people whom God has chosen to toil for him in the public eye need all our prayers. We need leaders, but oh how tempting it is to be a leader, even if you are clever enough to call yourself a servant.

Tom, Pennsylvania

My relflections this week seemed to swing wildly. I started the week reflecting on Jesus's love for the children and how they flocked to him and felt unencumbered to sing praises to Him. The religious authorities were offended by the noise. On one level I see myself wanting comfortable worship, rules, the way we have always done things and not seeing out there that Jesus is really in our midst and that changes the rules. But on another level I think of the abuse that has been committed to children. I think from personal experience of counselling a young man badly abused as a child and how at very fundemental levels this disabled him. I prayed again for him. But I also thought through how Jesus would have dealt with this. His disapproval would have been clear. But I also felt a deeper need to pray for the abuser and the abused.

Then later in the week I focused on Caiaphas. I can easily relate to his pragmatism. I see myself as one of the clearest pragmatists. Often I enjoy the intellectual challenge to being a pragmatist. Pragmatism is perhaps a more insidious evil than some more common sins. I think of the Salvadorean martyrs. We have no trouble condemning killing. But many of us did not take the trouble to take a stand against the conditions that underlie the killing. The Salvadorean martyrs and Archbishop Romero before them demonstrated patient challenge to these evils, while we (myself particularly) debated the merits of security considerations, aid, capital markets and pragmatic distribution of wealth.

Yesterday I visited with a retired Vincentian priest in his 90's ... very lively ... full of great stories ... had been thrown out of China in early 50's. His whole life has been devoted to a simple premise that "God loves us but particularly God loves the poor ... we return that love by being there with Him with the poor". Jesus's condemnation of the Pharisees is as much about their unwillingness to return to God what He is due. Tieing that visit with this week's relflection, I see more clearly that my mission must be to give or return to God what he demands and this means a more intense focus on preference for the poor.

But that is only what I think, not what I do. When I’m thirsty, I do not drink. And when I am hot and sweaty, I do not leap into the pool. My desire stops at the inconvenience of interrupting what I am doing to go only as far as the kitchen for some water. My need is confounded by my fear of the water’s shocking cool. And when I go for my drink at last, is it water, or is it something that only appears to quench, but actually dehydrates, like beer or wine or coffee? And when I finally get in the pool, isn’t it after all only with the most agonizing slowness, as if submerging inch by inch were somehow better than diving in?

Yet, knowing this is my nature, I still think, “I want to be immersed in Jesus.” I am tentative, but the Lord God is all powerful. Come Lord Jesus!

Son of David, have pity on me!
-- Tom, Pennsylvania - Week 25

These are such powerful scenes this week. I had expected something quite profound in my meditations and I think I experienced this but in a different way than I had expected. In the scene with Jesus and the Samaritan woman, I felt much more profoundly Jesus' love and probing ... so that he really understood this and she felt this. How often do we go through life with cursory or self serving interactions with other people? To be known, understood, loved and forgiven is very powerful.

Then the scene with the blind man I found powerful. I imagined myself able to see again ... looking at the world anew ... perhaps not understood by others ... but understood by Jesus. I do not know where this will lead ... but the formerly blind man did not know this either.

With Lazarus I focused on two images. First, the humanity of Jesus as he weeps outside of the tomb. This represents a part of Jesus which I had ignored before. Frankly, I have a hard time dealing with death. Seeing Jesus there I wished I had brought that image to the surface in mourning situationsI encountered in the past.

But what binds me today and what is Jesus calling me to unleash? As part of my Lenten observance I started to pray the "Four Prayers for Social Justice". Somehow, in my meditation on this part this week I connected them. When I think of the extensive ways we have constructed to hold down, imprison and even kill. I see Jesus asking me to come forward and to see these unleashed. Eliminating poverty ... does that seem as unrealistic as shouting at a man supposedly dead, "Lazarus, come out"?

Jesus is already suffering. He knows that his enemies lie in wait for him and that they will kill him, but he goes to Jerusalem, not only to follow the Law for the Passover, but to follow the will of God for him as an individual.

Meanwhile, the apostles are almost comical, childish: I can almost imagine them SKIPPING down the road as they talk about who will be greatest, who will get to sit next to Jesus’ throne, imagining the GLORY that awaits them all. They seem so unaware of Jesus’ suffering or the reality of what awaits them that their behavior is kind of like dancing through a rough neighborhood after dark singing, “I’m in the money!”

Although the apostles are not altogether wrong about future glory—don’t we all hope for heaven?—they are not being present for Christ RIGHT NOW, when and where he needs them. Like them, I hope—and worry—about the future. I forget that Christ is with me RIGHT NOW, that I need to be present for him and present for others in whose hearts he resides. I must frequently turn to him with my own “Lord, I want to see!” so that I might know God’s will for me in THIS moment, be aware of it, be present, be healed. Being aware and present and healed, I live in Christ. This is what it means to take up my cross and follow him.
-- Tom, Pennsylvania - Week 26

Blessed Sunday to all those participating in this Retreat - Starting Week 26 - and I'm trying to incorporate all pieces of God's life into my own. It is a struggle. My real-world analogy is a report I've been trying to finish for two weeks: it is in pieces - one section here....one section there....the connecting lines and themes seem very clear and then they disappear when competing <selfish> activities win over "doing the right thing." At week 26, I am still afraid of failure and I worry....paralyzing my growth; afraid to take "the leap" because the unknown is on the other side. Please know that your sharings are important to people taking this retreat - like me. I find inspiration in your stories, I share in your joys, and say a prayer when events/life are not at their best. May God continue to lovingly provide the graces you need - not only for this retreat, but for all you do.

Week 26. When I began this retreat I was not sure how far I go with it; 26 weeks later, I really look forward to each week. Today's teachings were especially beneficial for me, for I was having a really pity party over being misjudged by some of my own family members. Today I was reminded that as a follower of Jesus, criticisms, false accusations, and misjudgments are to be expected, but in surrendering it all to God and continuing to follow in the ways of Jesus, he is the one who will exalt us. Like Peter, we need to recognize who Jesus really is, but unlike Peter we must never try to hinder his work in our lives. Following Jesus is often a painful journey but the rewards are worth it.

What does it mean for me that Jesus did not refuse to give Judas a share in the First Eucharist? Sure it is a sign of great hope.

What does it mean for me that Judas “took the piece of bread and went out”? Did he consume the Bread of Life? John only tells us what he saw, and it is a troubling detail. I think it is a reminder to me that one of the most important ways that I can witness to my belief in Christ is in that simple act of consuming the Body and Blood of Christ in the consecrated host. It is a public act because the bread that is now his body is not just for me, but for the life of the world. Indeed, it has long been one of my favorite moments at mass to watch all of the communicants receive and then walk by, returning to their seats with Christ living within them. I am mystically united to every one of them at that moment in the body of Christ. It is a source of great and quiet joy to see them and remember this. Christ extends this opportunity for unity even to Judas.
May we all be one!
-- Tom, Pennsylvania

This week's retreat I felt very powerful. Over the last few weeks I have been asking myself if what I am doing in my work is really useful and what might be alternatives. This week I somehow feel energized ... not because I get a direct answer to my questions about whether what I do is useful but because I hear Jesus' call to "usefulness" by giving up selfishness and moving onto selflessness.

I feel myself there and feel Jesus' anxiety. We know that leaders' anxieties "infect" their followers. So I am disturbed. I promise that I won't betray Him ... but that is more to provide comfort ... have I really thought through that it is not only the big betrayals that I am avoiding but also the little everyday betrayals as well. So with the disciples I try to comfort Him ... hope it will be different and then know that in the washing of feet ... in His gentle instruction on serving others ... in the breaking of bread and sanctifying wine ... Jesus' resolution is firm ... and I must follow.

Thank you for providing this Retreat.

Then there is the reality of Jerusalem … Jesus' real destination … isn't this avoidable?

This struggle emerges in the midst of my travels, which is a business trip to Europe. We spend the weekend in Mallorca where a close friend stays. I like returning to the island. I start to imagine a life here … get a couple of board jobs … fly off to London when I want … go back to US to my other house when we want … sounds possible. But is it really what Jesus wants?

Then I participate in a conference on "leadership and peak performance". I find some of the speeches quite motivational … a female climber describing her journey to the summit of Everest (twice!). Lots of imagery about overcoming struggle … testing yourself … being the best you can be. Then a championship driver describes how he prepared himself, his teams and his organization to win … over and over again. I can relate to this. I want this. But is this what Jesus wants?

I struggle continually with the "god of success" and the "god of perfection". I realize I always want to be in control … and I want to be on top. So where is the Cross in this?

In trying to be in control but at the same time move beyond the disciples' misunderstanding I find myself getting frustrated with some parts of my work. Why do I really have to pay attention to some of these things? At this point, I find it helpful to see myself as "servant". Seeing myself as a "helper" is a motif I have worked with as a leader. I return to that again. So when I take time to clarify an issue, which I initially thought was quite simple and an annoyance to go over again, I am serving my team. When I'm taking time to talk to a disgruntled employee, I'm serving their needs.

I can hear Jesus' call to follow him. Could I give this up … these yearnings … strivings? The pattern is deeply ingrained. Sometimes I feel that I am closer to the blind man whom Jesus heals and sees the world again but only as shapes. Am I seeing the poor only as shapes? I pray for Jesus' healing touch again … so that I can give up my yearnings and strivings to him …let him be in control. Let the world take new shape again.

There have been countless opportunities for prayer as well as praise. As I companion an elderly gentleman towards baptism at Easter, I reflect on how meeting and falling in love with Jesus has penetrated deeply into my heart and life. What joy I receive each time I open the Bible with the baptized and not-yet baptized persons who grace my life.

This week a bit ahead of Holy Week, meditating on Jesus washing the disciples feet will be most helpful in getting me through what I know is going to be a very busy week.

I keep you all in prayer and look forward to hearing from you.
-- Maureen

The realities of every day life, the good and the bad, present a challenge and question as to where my religious faith really plays a significant role.  Yet,  I continue to seek the grace to identify my mission for whatever time remains.  In the retreat meditation of Cardinal Newman maybe I’ll never know in this life.  The retreat has thus far led me to pray for trust that I am now or will soon be doing what I should.

week  27  of  the  retreat,  about  Jesus  being  recognised  by  the  breaking  of  bread,  a  flood  of  gratitude  hit  me   when  this  sharing  action  of the  child  took  place.  In  fact  some  glucose  was  desperately  needed  making  the  point  even  more relevant.  As  I  accepted  her  offer  and  thanked  her  the  little  girl  gave  me  a  gorgeous  smile  and  Christ was  seen  in  her  for a  brief  moment.  The  whole  incident  made  the  rest   of  the  work  so  much  easier  and   lightened  the  burden  of  the  day.

If  only  we  could  be  like  this   child  in  her  generosity,  simplicity,  willingness  to  share  and  trustfulness  perhaps  we  would  recognise  Christ  more  easily  and  life  would  be   more   meaningful  for  everyone.

First: when I suffer, I feel profound tenderness and affection for those I love. I imagine our Lord had similar—though infinitely more powerful—feelings on the cross. Like someone told me once: when you hear the song ask “were you there when they crucified my Lord?” the answer is YES!—the faces of each of us were in his Sacred Heart.

Second: I saw a presentation of the Stations of the Cross this past week, enacted by some students at the Catholic school. At some point, I could no longer bear it, and closed my eyes. How difficult it is to be present to the ones we love when they suffer! What courage, what strength Mary must have had to accompany Jesus on his way and to stand beneath the cross! Mary! Give us your courage and strength to stand with you and be present with Jesus and all who suffer!

Third: I went to confession this week. Due to circumstances beyond my control, this was not my usual confessor. I was struck by the way he empathized with my sins—not excusing them nor condoning them, but acknowledging his own humanity, his own inclination to sin, his own struggle. I was amazed by how comforting I found this and realized that the comfort lie in the priest’s imitation of Christ: though one with God, he became human. In that priest, I saw Christ, felt the consolation of Christ, more clearly than I have in a long time. All because he, like Christ, shared my humanity. And in sharing my humanity, he showed me divinity: Christ’s, the priest’s, and that to which even I became heir at my baptism. What a tremendous gift is the humility of Christ. And what a tremendous gift is the humble priest!
-- Tom, Pennsylvania

Again I wonder this week where Jesus' thoughts really are on this journey. Are they on his resurrection or on his suffering? I want to think resurrection because I want to avoid suffering. But I know there is no resurrection without suffering. Jesus has to be true to His Father in all ways. Then as I do the Stations of the Cross, I wonder where am I really in these scenes? I'm probably with the disciples ... not present ... full of great hopes for transformation ... but on my terms ... my priorities ... and not Jesus'. Then I'm asked to reflect that this is for me ... how can this be? Please, I beg, you don't really have to go through this for me ... I'm not worth it. But Jesus' still calls gently ... just as he called John from the Cross. If this is how much He loves me ... what do I really have to do to return that love?

Actually I shall restart all over after the weeks are over, because i feel i have been mechanically reading and not doing much in practice, and so everyday shall be Ignatian exercise for the rest of my life, trying to follow in His footsteps with you all. Praying with you, thank you.

Week 28: Jesus knew from back in His days how incredibly resistant are His followers to His guidance, even when His guidance will save them from disaster or death! Thousands of bible stories are stories of pride and an ever patient, forgiving Father who will keep calling and inviting the faithful to His guidance.

To this day, it’s the same God nagging us still, to come and follow Him! And Jesus calls the same “proud and self-focused” believer! But thank God, it is both our human weakness and human strength to long for peace, to want answers, to do what is right in this life, and even right the wrong, and so, we search for guidance.

On this Christ’s Passion season, let us not pass up the opportunity to dwell on ourselves as Jesus calls us to “soften our hearts” and maybe even “soften our minds” since it is “no brainer” to realize that in order to fall in love with Jesus, we have to come closer to Him, know Him and follow Him.

Pride and selfishness were all the reasons Jesus carried that cross and died. Let us not pass up the opportunity to focus on our pride and selfishness these coming days. But as we self-focus, let’s stay close to Jesus for His guidance through His Word and His invitation to, “do this in memory of me!”

During the 28th week, in the praying in the Garden, Jesus said," if there is no other way and I must suffer, I will still do what you want."  this meant for me how deep God's love for us is and Jesus's trust and love for God is.  The Station of the Cross and the photo of the drawing from El Salvador helped me to meditate Jesus's passion more actually than before. Especially when I meditated Jesus was whipped, beaten, mocked, and stripped, I felt so helpless and angry and insulted.
I experienced the same feelings when watching the scenes that the Iraqis was stripped and mocked, beaten by some of US army- through they are enemies at war- on tv.
Now brutality of the terror and war, many innocent deaths  is connected with Jesus's suffering.  As little students hostaged by terrorist in Russian school were suffering from fear without food and water, l surely acknowledg that Jesus was suffering with them there because of love.

I imagine driving this freeway on such a pleasant afternoon at present, on a wild stormy day as we have the best weather in the world except when it isn't! I thankyou and praise you, dear God for the paradoxes of this life bound in your eternal love in joy and in pain!

In the Council, this became even more apparent. Rather than leap to his defense by going to the core of the argument and why we were really here … because all of us felt the same challenge, I let Caiaphas remind us of the pragmatism of our case. I got into pragmatic arguments. It was easy to lose and frankly the Council also stirred up quite a bit of emotion among those outside. I became afraid. I saw the potential for ridicule. Worse, I saw the potential to lose my comfortable position. I caved in and supported the rest of the Council.

But it bothered me. I contrasted the Man we ridiculed and allowed to be cruelly beaten with the Man I observed … the Man who engaged children … the Man who reached out to the poor and outcasts … the Man who transformed lives. Then I went out with everyone else to the place where the crucifixion was taking place. Most of the onlookers were curious. Some of them, including some of my colleagues from Council, continued to ridicule Jesus. But most of us just watched from a distance. Even from far away I could see what terrible agony he was in. All of us could see. Most people were repelled by this sight. We came to realize that he did not deserve this. We are torturing to death a man just because he loved and because of that challenged us. This is too much. Too much pain and most people went away sickened and determined to forget. The crowd had gotten out of hand. Tomorrow hopefully we can get back to normal.

But I know there is no normality now. As the crowd departs I get closer to the Cross. I see His mother there with a few more women and one of his disciples. I see how lovingly he still talks to his mother and how in her grief she looks at Him and understands what he is doing even though she clearly grieves for him. I see him forgive one of the terrorists who are crucified with him and I see how finally he gives himself up totally to God the Father.

At that moment, I knew I had to change. I went to see Nicodemus who had not bothered to go to the hill. He was so upset. We went together to Pilate’s office but I went in and asked for the body. By this time I did not care what anyone else in Council said. I may have been too late to save him but I am determined tomorrow will not be a return to “normalcy”. Nicodemus and I go back to the hill and help the women extract his tortured and beaten body from the cross. We hastily clean it and wrap it in cloth. Nicodemus has brought some burial spices. Probably this is not enough, but we must respect Him and we need out of that respect to bury him before the Passover is to begin. There is an empty tomb close by and at least we know we can bury him there at least for the short run. The women follow us … still grieving.

As I place him in the tomb I allow his mother to kiss him one final time. I see the love in her eyes. I talk with her. I tell her that I am sorry. I should have done more. Then she quietly tells me … speaking still in her grief … that she appreciates this but I should know that this was not in vain … this was for me.

So that is how I became his disciple. No more pragmatism … no more selfishness … God will work through me … even though these patterns are difficult to change. I in turn will live first to serve God … love God … returning his great love for me. God will help me complete whatever mission he has for me. There is no shortage of people needing his love.

Much as I have tried I cannot fathom Jesus being crucified. How could he have stood being nailed to a cross. If you have ever experienced a deep cut or a stab wound can you possibly imagine having a nail driven throuh your hand!!
It is truly mind boggling. And all so we have a chance to someday join him.

For me, the sweet surprise of John’s gospel is that Mary Magdalene saw the risen Christ and “she thought he was the gardener.” Why did she think so? Isn’t it almost comical? It is one of those tiny details that makes John’s gospel so believable. It speaks not of joy, but of the confusion of grief. But it also instructs. It is no mistake, I think, that she thought he was the gardener. He IS the gardener, tending a new Eden before her eyes, the Eden of an eternal springtime, of abundant, miraculous life. After all of his parables of mustard seeds and sowing and vineyards, Christ speaks her name, “Mary!” and she grows: “Rabboni!” she replies.

Risen Christ, teach me, make me grow. Help me surrender to your will.

Tom, Pennsylvania - Week 30

I did start the week restlessly. On Sunday morning I went to mass myself. It was a beautiful day but I was sorry that my boys who have now grown up but were home for Easter and my wife found reasons not to go. I met one of my clients with his family. Frankly, I was a little resentful.

But during the week, I reflected on Jesus meeting his mother again. I pictured Mary talking to me and telling me about the encounter and what it meant for her. In fact, how it now put all things she had encountered in her life and particularly the pain of the Cross in a new perspective. Then taking my restlessness to her (which I compounded at work concerned about how I was going to get everything done that I think needs to get done), I hear her talk about perfection. God does not promise perfection rather God promises love and because of that transformation. I know my restlessness is still part of my pattern of sin … I want it all … more … even the perfect family … rather than what God wants from me out of His love. The fact of the resurrection does not obliterate Jesus’ wounds … and therefore the wounds we carry or have not closed.

So I wander with the disciples around that Garden of Resurrection still confused by what it all means but hopeful too … because Jesus is present. I thought about what the disciples are really doing after Jesus’ death. I always imagined them in a kind of limbo state … confused. Maybe they were but more likely they are also thinking about getting on with life … “OK this venture is over … seemed a good idea at the time … great ideals … great goals …. Destroyed by powerful forces … we’ll never overcome them”. Jesus’ presence is a direct challenge … it’s not over … the powers of darkness have not overcome … and the challenge is clear … “get back out there and keep the work of transforming love going”.

I pray that we may all find our way of doing that.

As I read the teachings for this week, I see many lessons to be learned. The photo of the person entering the empty tomb, the place where Jesus' body was, is now empty. I thought of how many miracles we often miss because we fail to enter into the tomb of emptiness in our lives, we are afraid of entering into the place God has prepared for us.

Then, there was Mary Magdalene, one of the first to see our resurrected Savior because her faith would not allow her to believe that the tomb could hold him captive. How many times we fail to receive the promises of God because we allow circumstances to overwhelm us with doubt and unbelief.

Peter, the rock, the one chosen to succeed Jesus, did not have the courage to enter the tomb first. We don't know exactly why he stopped at the entrance of the tomb, maybe he was afraid of what he would find. Could it be that we sometimes give up just before we about to receive a miracle because we fear God's goodness. The beloved disciple persevered and was the first to see and touch a miracle - the very clothes that had bound the body of Jesus. This is proof of what happens when we are not afraid to enter into His presence.

I offer my special prayers for all of us during this Advent, now only a few days from the celebration of the birth of Jesus, and pray that we will allow nothing to bar the peace and joy of this wonderful season from us.

Then I reflected more on the disciples on their way to Emmaus. They are getting back to life … to what must be done … to make a living. Jesus who had seemed so relevant is no longer a reality. Except that they meet a stranger and without even realizing it what they felt when they were with Jesus comes back again. They see His life in its larger context. Then in the breaking of the bread He is really present … just as He becomes present to the other disciples … confused by the messages of resurrection. Resurrection is a physical act. If we are resurrected it is not just some ghostly figment of our imagination or some special movement of our souls. Rather, with Jesus present we really have changed … just as the disciples on their way back to Emmaus have changed and they didn’t realize it until they met “the stranger”. And Jesus resurrected, is the Jesus who still has wounds. Resurrection obliterates the Cross but not the wounds

So I ask Jesus to continue to forgive me when I’m rushing back to Emmaus … self absorbed … ignoring others around me who are as much the presence of Jesus and to whom I can be present in different ways … and to return with Jesus to that state I feel called to in his Eucharistic prayer.

I want to encourage everyone who is struggling in exercises TO CONTINUE with them! You will be awarded with numerous gifts and light if you will reach to the end! God bless you all and thanks to st.Ignatio Loyola for helping me through this journey!
ivana, 31 week

I focused on the scenes on the shore:

So we decided to go back to Galilee. Yes it’s certainly not as glamorous as Jerusalem but its home and familiar. There were 7 of us and Peter decided to go fishing. We’d been sitting on the shore becoming accustomed again to the setting. We were talking … even a little joking … just like the old days. Returning to the “old days” seemed not a bad idea after everything that had happened. But really how could we? Had we not been present when Jesus healed … when Jesus called people who you would never have thought would have been candidates for transformation … but they became transformed. And he had called us. How could we return to the “old days”? But going fishing seemed like a good idea.

We fished all night. Fish sometimes are not cooperative. We had almost decided it must be down to a “low pressure area” or one of the many excuses we fishermen find for not being productive when we caught a glimpse, through the breaking dawn, of a figure on the shore. He asked how it had been going and when we told him he suggested we cast to the other side. What had he seen there? Sometimes you get so focused on where you think the fish are that you forget the obvious … try something different. We had been casting where we thought there would be fish … repeatedly. Sometimes it takes someone who can see the big picture.

The nets filled up. John recognized it was the Lord and Peter when he heard that jumped in the water and half pulled the boat, half skipped ahead of us. We took some of our catch and the Lord carefully prepared the fish and cooked them on the fire. He broke bread with us and we had absolutely no doubt who he was.

Later he took Peter aside as sometimes he had in the past. Peter looked embarrassed but the Lord had clearly forgiven him … we all recognized Peter as our leader but we also recognized like the Lord his impetuousness. Jesus’ clear invitation “Follow Me” … said in clear but also whispered tones remained in us. Later John would talk to us about this as the voice of the shepherd whose voice the sheep recognize and we certainly did then and still do today.

So like Peter I am not sure where my response to follow the Lord will take me. I will not forget that lesson on the boat to remember to cast out where I am today. I will continue to ask the Lord to challenge my assumptions about the best places to cast and let me see his bigger picture. I will also not forget the lesson that I need to be prepared to feed all of God’s flock and certainly if I cannot feed them all myself not to deny one part of the flock because that is the more comfortable thing to do. I pray to continue to respond to the Lord’s call to follow him, “Lord I am here with you ….”

As an avid fisherman I definitely understand the feeling when you’ve fished all night and caught nothing! What struck me particularly is that in my response to the call I still have no definitive path. I think when I started the retreat I believed by the end I would have a definitive path. Jesus, though, did not give Peter the definitive path … only the warning that he would not go through life for ever with his energy and impetuousness. Goal oriented people like me have a hard time accepting that the destination is different than what we set out for. But now I feel more accepting that the call is not clear. I am open to the call and some of the excuses for not listening that I had before … particularly money and status … I am willing to give up if that is what the Lord wants.

Thank you again for this retreat.

Week 32: The reading about Peter and his conversation with Jesus is a very powerful scene. Jesus knew exactly what Peter needed to allow himself to be healed of his denial ,and to move forward in his mission.  Peter didn't know what to do, except go back to something that was very familiar and comfortable for him.

Jesus gave Peter  encouragement and challenge at the same time. He allowed Peter to see that if He listened ,answers would come : yet he challenged him to action as well ; "Feed my lambs".

I am feeling that way too, I know that life will never be the same after experiencing this retreat. I also know that it is not the end, it is the beginning. I want to share and nourish others, the way I have been nourished. But how and where?

It would be easy to just go back to my life, and the ways that I participate in church, yet I feel that there is something more that I need to do to  follow Jesus. My weaknesses and old patterns though touched by grace are still an undercurrent , to I pray to keep my eyes on Him.  To focus on Jesus and the great love that is present at all times in my life. It was the Holy Spirit that led me to this retreat, and to all things that have brought peace in my life.

I am asking God for the grace to remain open to taking a risk, not being afraid to follow Him. The  question of where, how , and who will be answered . I will follow Jesus, I will follow His lead , but can only do so with God's grace.

Praying for all who are making this retreat, as well as the on-line retreat staff. God bless you.

This imperative, in which I offer myself to Christ, is, marvelously, an echo of the imperative with which he offers himself to me: “Take, eat.”

Communion has always before now seemed a one-way interaction: Christ offers himself and I receive. But now, I see it is more like a kiss, a mutual self-giving. When the priest says “The Body of Christ” and I say “Amen,” I am also, in a way, saying, “take, receive.”

While it is beyond understanding—but not beyond faith—that Christ should come to me in the Eucharist, it seems to me even more astonishing that he should accept to take and receive me. Christ, the infinite, eternal one, took on flesh in his conception and birth and enters into the flesh of all us in his Eucharistic form. We have almost come to expect these incarnations. But for me to be accepted by Christ—why is that so much greater a leap of faith? I don’t know the answer, but it is encouraging to know that when I receive Communion, I now have in my heart the words to offer him something in return. That hope of reciprocity enriches the relationship.
Tom, Pennsylvania

I felt especially graced this week. It was fortuitous that the week started with a 40 hour Adoration in our parish. I used some of my time to reflect on all I had to be thankful for and what I had come to understand about the Lord in this retreat. I felt a deep appreciation in a special way for Jesus’ love for us.

I ended the week with a retreat organized in my parish. Two reflections were especially useful in the context of this overall retreat. We meditated at the start on a prayer attributed to Archbishop Romero. One verse stood out for me personally:

“We cannot do everything and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. That enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest”.

We finished with reflecting on some propositions by Father Van Breemen OSJ on the differences between “Fruitfulness and achievement”. I had a brief resistance to this. My propensity to see the opposite side and challenge started to rise up. But this was more about my pattern of resistance. I wanted to say that achievement can be good sometimes. Think of the inventiveness and creativity that comes when people feel driven and motivated to improve or excel? Think of how much good can come from this? Think of how many social problems we could solve if we really harnessed this? And, of course, this is all true and the achievement motivation is one of God’s great gifts to us. But that is the point … it is not our accomplishments … this is God’s. As Archbishop Romero’s prayer, quoted above, ends: “We are the workers, not master builders, ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own”.

So I look forward to planting and watering seeds wherever God may desire with trust that may one day they will grow.

Thank you again for proving this retreat. Week 33

I just thought it would be good to share on behalf of our small group who have been doing the retreat now for seven years. It has taken us 7 years to get to week 33. We have managed to meet more often in the last few months and hope to finish within the next two weeks. After that we are planning to do it again but in a much more concentrated and focused way over the course of 6 weeks or so. It is so difficult to find the time when we all have such varied and complicated lives. In the course of these years, we have all experienced life changing events and having the retreat going on in the background has helped us to cope and to see God in our everyday lives, sometimes in very unexpected places. The Retreat has emphasised for me that God meets us wherever we are in life, with no conditions attached, and that is a message I can't hear often enough. These exercises are just so powerful and certainly in my own case have helped me to deepen my relationship with God. During this time I have been through a painful divorce and family break-up and almost lost sight of God altogether. I have struggled so much with my current position in the church and feel like an alien. Through these pages, I have experienced a very loving and compassionate Jesus who wants the best for each one of us and never gives up on us. I want to thank everyone who has been involved in this retreat, from those who have provided it on the web, to those who have put all the materials together and to all those people who are taking part in it, whatever stage they are at. We keep you all in our prayers.

Anne

May God bless each of us as we continue our journey in this retreat and in our walk with Him.

I found Father Gillick’s reflection useful this week. If I reflect on whether and how I have changed, I am mindful that there are many weeds that still surround my life. But I give thanks for what I have learned and what I try to integrate into everyday life. I am not sure I have found yet the place where God is calling me. But I do know that this need not be a position or place … more situations where I can return God’s love for us. And this is what I give most thanks for in the Retreat … a deepened sense of God’s loving embrace. Thank you to all this online community for sharing your faith over this period.

I am at week 34 of this retreat,,oh what joy, it has made a remarkable change in my prayer life. There is no question in my mind as to what next, my deep desire is to continue what I have started, to continue to show gratitude for all the graces that I have received. I started this retreat in September 2005 and I have been faithful to this retreat every week without fail.My desire is to continue this way with my prayer life. I am a member of an Ignatian spirituality group here in my island home Barbados I have introduced my friends in the group to this site .it was so useful to me in my weekend retreat which I attend every year.It seem that I was walking the Emmaus road with Jesus and through this retreat I have become closer to Jesus, in that walk I am taking time to be alone with God.reading scripture more,enjoying and getting more out of the mass, focussing on prayer and praying with scripture more, and sharing with others. When I started this retreat I was seeking spiritual renewal I have achieved my goal. My desire is just to continue what I have started, I feel blessed. Thank you all at Creighton, thanks to the Jesuits, may God to continue to bless you , I will continue to use your reflections daily.
-- Joyce, Barbados

My ongoing Thanks to you all!

Week 34. Again, "Thank you" for providing this Retreat. Words cannot describe how much I appreciate it. I plead with others who have started the Retreat to please continue.

At the beginning of the prayers today, I prayed that no tears would flow from me except from the presence and touch of Jesus; at the end of the prayers I could hardly stop weeping. I feel as though I am moving away from good neighbors and family, and it is so hard to say good-bye, yet I know it is not good-bye because I will come back to visit some times and to pray that you too will continue the journey. So this is not good-bye, as Jesus would say - shalom.

Today, I feel so much stronger spiritually, like I can face any challenge because I know Jesus is at my side.

This is not the end of this retreat. It will begin again, whether next week or next fall, I don't know. My guess is that it may be too much a part of my day now to leave behind. It's helped me to stay on track, partly because it is so easy to reach to while I sit endlessly at a computer anyhow. Perhaps it is the steady guide it gives my days that I like the best. I can't seem to jumpstart a day into prayer while I am stumbling around in the early morning, so being able to tap into this retreat at work is my later jumpstart.

I have remembered so often the guide at the beginning of all the guides--remembering that God will not be outdone in generosity. I love to roll that around my heart, trying to feel its meaning. While there are many other things that happened during the retreat, that is the one I most hang with for this round.

I also remember how much you caught me on week 20: Freedom is all about confronting the temptation to use one's power to feed oneself. I have somewhat necessarily caught up in trying to heal my last experience of catholic community. When I started the retreat, I was still thick in the web of lies and gossip of other community members. As I end this retreat, I am coming back out of the experience...admittedly a little worse for the wear, but willing to try trusting again, try hoping that all experiences are not so painful, try believing that some of them may even be healing and joyful. And less concerned about my own healing as it now is happening, and more concerned that I learn again to care more for others.

Thank you for setting this retreat in front of me. Week 34

I have completed week 34, but will be living in week 32-34 for the forseeable future. I wanted to share two images that are my summary not just of weeks 32-34 but of the whole Online Retreat.
 
                                    The glass
                                is not half-empty,
                                     The glass
                                is not half-full.
                                      The glass
                                is always and only
                                filled to the brim,
                                and overflowing
                                with God's abundance.
 
Because of God's grace, when I look into the shadows, I can see the light, and seeing the light, I also see that there is no darkness. As we read in John 1: 5 "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness did not overcome it."

What will I do to keep this focus?  Lent, church, Easter will help to do that.  A regular practice of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous will help.  I will miss this daily practice and want to continue it in some way.  Perhaps the answer is to continue to do the Daily Reflections. There is more to come, perhaps a repeat of this exercise.  I am still not as close to Christ as I would want to be.  A real life retreat has been a goal for some time.

 Though Love and Service are always a part of my life, this experience has helped me to see how I might dedicate myself to these goals in other ways. In part, that means the process of coming “off the road” and dedicating myself more to family.  This five years of carrying our product to customers, and helping them to learn how to use it, has been a practice in applying Love and Service.  Now, it seems, there is another way to do that.  The choice to do my job differently has been both an opportunity to serve the greater good in a different way, and a sacrifice to me.  I love the travel and working with our customers, however the job means I am less grounded and less present to my family. 

I plan to go on retreat, become an active citizen again, study, write  and concentrate on my health and home.  As it changes, my job will undoubtedly offer new ways to serve.  This new phase of my life as a mother and grandmother is a gift of this exercise.  Thank you for making this retreat available online.