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Weeks 5-8

Week 5

I was doing my reflection fairly systematically this week. On previous weeks I would turn off the car radio on way to work and use some of that time as a moment of reflection. This week the news in the background provided plenty of backdrops for facing up to the reality of sin in our world. I am also conscious of how I have neat frames that limit the reality of evil from impinging too much of my consciousness. One is quite simple … put a thick frame of denial around the reality. The other is more subtle … come up with all sorts of rational explanations that take me out of the picture.

The latter mode is quite easy because I realized that good and evil very often co-exist and use the same substance … probably no sin in drinking alcohol … conviviality building bonds … but for many the same substance becomes addiction … and I recalled the people who I have personally encountered who have been hurt even close to destroyed by the same substance. Because of this the place of the Cross becomes even more important … promise of healing … God’s presence in middle of evil.

But two events stopped me over intellectualizing this and feeling personally what is really in the frame. First, I had a horrible fight with my boss on Friday. The substance is not really material from a spiritual sense but I tasted again how we can be hurt and how I can build up amazing defenses that would satisfy my outrage but probably just escalate the situation. Some of our worst sins either as persons or nations emanate from our feelings of anxiety and hurt. So I’ve resolved to put this conflict in God’s hands. Maybe it will lead to a new direction for me or simple grace but with God’s help I will not let it fester.

Second, we had a missionary from Haiti speak at Mass this morning. He was a tremendously dynamic preacher and I wish I could have recorded his homily … it was almost as if he had been sitting with me on retreat this week and gently pulled on every nuance of my meditation on evil. I was moved to tears. His descriptions of life and suffering in his community were quite shocking. To be honest I’m not sure where this will take me but I am committed to work with God’s graces and find ways to resist in my own life subtle and not so subtle over consumption, waste of resources and the more insidious personal tactics that can become strands in their own way on the canvas of evil

Week 5: As I began reading through the suggestions for this week, I felt that I would be overwhelmed by the sense of evil that fills the world. Then as I read the "For the Journey" section, with the idea that the central picture is the love of Jesus for us and our world, a different picture came to mind. Several years ago I read the book "Return of the Prodigal Son" by Henri Nouwen. It focuses on the painting of the same name by Rembrandt. I looked at the cover picture again, and realized that the forgiving, merciful Father is the focal point of the painting. This has become the picture I've returned to each day this week. In the 2 sons I can see most - maybe all - of the seven deadly sins. And of course, these are the sins that encourage us to cooperate with the evil that exists today. My prayer is for courage to resist the evils of pride, greed, gluttony, envy that tempt us to think only of ourselves and ignore the damage to our fellow human beings and to the world we have been entrusted to care for. Thank you for this retreat.
- Ann

I am on week 5 of the retreat and am quite surprised. This week is been a big eyeopener. When I thought of poverty and issues on human rights I always thought of third world. I guess the news is that this is happening under my very nose in this wonderful country of Canada.I never gave much thought to the thousands of lives killed through abortion. The hunger and homelessness prevalent in my own country. The issues of ending lives because someone has decided the quality of life is not there any more.I remember about 60 years ago or so I man name Hitler was condemned for doing just these things. How far we have come to do all of this in the name of democracy. In any case I guess the message is that this country of mine needs as lot of prayer and divine intervention. I hope its not to late.
God Bless
Pat

This week has been difficult for me, as I am one of those sensitive people who find it very upsetting to watch or read or hear about the suffering in the world, especially when caused by our own sinfulness. The ‘canvas’ and the ‘frame’ were backwards for me…the canvas being the sins of the world and the frame being the mercy of God. Now focusing on our dear, suffering Jesus on the cross, carrying the weight of all our sins, has made me more and more and more grateful, but, also, reminds me of my part in His sufferings. Yesterday’s Mass was dedicated to Mary, Mother of Sorrows. As I prayed the Sorrowful mysteries of the rosary, I thought of how our sins made her suffer, too, just like all of our sinfulness has the ripple effect everyone. Mary was best portrayed in “The Passion of Christ”, showing us how perfectly she embraced her Son’s cross as we, also, must do. His mercy is our salvation.

I thank God for giving me this opportunity to take part in this retreat. The previous weeks have been comforting especially when I could sit with the Lord and look back on my life over a glass of wine.Week 5 has been particularly challenging. It is not hard to see the disorder of sin everywhere. Recently there have been many painful commemorations of humanity's atrocities, the massacre of innocent people in Hiroshima,Bosnia and Rwanda. Currently, the senseless war in Iraq, terrorist attacks in London and Egypt,the displacement of millions in Darfur and the starving in Niger. What is hard to see and bear is that my sins are also part of this disorder.I thank God for the gift of healing mercy and forgiveness, for me and my brothers and sisters of the world.

I started off the week with the expectation that I probably would not be able to find any fresh inspiration in this topic for week 5. I thought, yes, I know the disorder of sin is everywhere. And yes, I am aware that it is appalling rebellion. Wars, murder, injustice -- they are always there, always will be.

But when will my arrogance end -- when will I stop underestimating God and overestimating myself? Because when I worked on opening myself to hearing God's voice, I was faced with new realities of evil that I hadn't been paying attention to. I read the 5/11/2005 edition of National Catholic Reporter and learned about horrible atrocities committed against rural Ugandans (for ex, women found mutilated in fields with limbs, breasts, lips cut off) perpetrated by marauders going about forcing children to join their forces. I read about Nery Rodenas, executive director of the Human Rights Office in Guatemala, who denounced the army's role in human rights violations, and who reported that he and his family have received death threats because of his work.

Then today, May 14, 2005, I came across a blurb in the New York Times reporting that 3 of 4 white men convicted of beating a mentally disabled black man and abandoning him on a fire ant mound were all given short jail terms ranging between only 30 and 60 days in jail.

This week I have learned that I must stay aware of the evil manifested in the world. I must take the weight of it into prayer -- I feel that if I do not do this, then I will have neglected a possibility to lessen the effects of evil. Are we not taught that there is power in prayer?

I have been wondering what may be pleasing to God in addition to prayer, about how else I should respond to evil in the world. I do not know, but I found comfort in the writings of St. Teresa of Avila. In the last chapter of her work Interior Castles, she encourages Christians to focus on prayer, and especially on helping our companions, those in our circles, with love. She seems to suggest that if we take care of our usual obligations with love, then God will make us able to do more each day -- and who knows where that could eventually lead?

Week 5 I am doing this retreat by myself (except of couse for all the other people doing exactly the same thing at the same time as me). But have no one to talk to about it, so I have kind of made a promise to myself to share here each week my thoughts etc.
This week has been hard, but the picture I see is Jesus in the center of all the sin of the world taking it upon himself. I have never seen this before, so strange, that I have never considered or understood that before.
The words I hear are "Jesus, Lamb Of God, You Take Away The sins Of The World" I really hear them now. Thank you God for this blessing.

How do we understand the terrible sin and destruction of innocent people's lives that is going on in Iraq today? This is perpetuated by a government who smugly believes God is on their side. What god is this?I see Christ weeping wherever greed, arrogance and inhumanity take precedence over love. charity and true dialog. I am hoping that this week will help me understand this and all sin in the world but it is very painful. It is so much easier when we only reflect on our own relationship with God but He calls us to care for the world and work for peace and justice for all. Week 5

I live in Africa. It was not hard for images of the effects of sin to come to my mind at the beginning of the week. I asked God to show me one picture to sum up the sin; I saw the scourged back of Christ, opened up by the lead tipped whip. He was bound, unable to move,
completely at the mercy of his tormentors. I was surprised. I had expected something else. Then I realised this picture showed the abuse of power, a merciless hunger for revenge, the dehumanising force of sin, its destructive power over victim and family, its supreme arrogance.

The next day I started to hear about the Asian tsunami. So far around 70,000 dead. I am thinking about this in light of this week's retreat. Sin has brought disharmony to creation, and we are subject to it. So much pain. Unbearable. But what of institutional sin? Our policies maintain poverty. We put in bondage countries that are unable to repay their debt; we add interest to it. We sell arms to them, lending them money to do so. Madness.

Where is God in all this? Christ stands weeping next to me. The only way I can face the endless pain around me is to know this compassion reaching out. My parent-God suffers as any parent does when they see their child suffer the consequences of their wrong choices. The parent suffers when she see us spoil the gift of freedom and abuse it. My parent-God suffers the anguish of his choice to respect our choices. He waits for us to call, however faintly. Week 5

im stumbling through the retreat but ive made it to week five. i am acutely aware of the rebellion of sin..i am paying the price for having dishonored my marriage by seeking the comfort of others and leaving my home. i could certainly offer many explanations...but the truth is what i did was wrong. i hurt everyone around me, and now that hurt is returning to me many times over. i am trying to make things up to my wife, but i may have made a mistake i cant fix..i am feeling the anger and hurt and resentment she feels and i am feeling humbled and scared and alone knowing i have no one to blame but myself. i am hanging in there...and i am trying to return to the path that god set for me before i decided to do it MY way. but feeling the pain of separation from god as manifested in the separation form my family is disturbing. i am struggling to pray and to see the good things in my life and understand and accept my place in god's plan. the retreat has been a great help in keeping me focused and giving me hope.

Week 5: Visited a family today who are, I would say, living below the average income level. Two of this woman's daughters, who are in their early and mid-teens, were mothering their children, the younger child being only 7 weeks old. I can sense from that visit that the mother was the one holding everyone in the household together. The daughters have their parts in running the household but the mother was the one who reminded them what to do. A typical family in many ways, but unusual in the sense that they carry more than the usual burden of a "typical" family.

When I was in their home today to meet the family, I can hear their normal ways of dealing with one another. Although most people would call this family broken, I saw some sort of wholeness in them, certainly not in a conventional way. In a very weird sense, I felt God's presence in that house despite the presence of chaos and disorder. God was present most especially in the mother's love for her family. I can sense God in their kitchen, in the ordinariness of their lives, in the smell of their home cooked meal, in the steam of their boiling water... God is present in the midst although veiled at times.

I had to remind them of this presence. The mother asked me if I could bless the house. I told her that blessing the house does not mean that God was not present here before, but rather, we are dedicating this home now to God, for God to use whatever you have for God's glory. And as I blessed the house, it was like the veil was lifted and God's face was revealed in the ordinariness of this home, a home that most people would only describe as chaotic. May the Spirit continue to unfold the presence of God in their midst.

In week 5, the reading "How God Dealt with our Sin" just blew me away. After reading the first few lines, I wondered, "Who in the world is this talking about?" "You are fully grown... Christ has taken away your selfish desires", it said. Again the thought came, "Who is this talking about?" It went a step further: "And when you were baptized it was the same as being buried with Christ". Then I realized: "This is talking about me. I have been baptized." It went on to describe things almost too beautiful for words. I concluded that this must be the way God "sees" us now even though I have a hard time seeing myself as "fully grown", without "selfish desires" and so on. Could it really be possible that God sees me this way? Forgiven, raised to life?

It kind of went smoothly the first four weeks. I did write down some thoughts and ideas but never felt compelled to share like today. The theme for the fifth week is disturbing. I have come to know, experience the sins of the world. I come from a country destroyed by internal war and division, lust for power, corruption and international injustice. I have seen and felt deeply the sins of the world since I have worked closely to those who are responsible for leading us. But I am sorry; I can’t see the mercy of God in all. I can see the mercy of God in my personal life, I can testify. I have been force out of work since March, being victimized by a new government in power, but I feel the presence of God in my personal life, guiding me to other territories and I accept this new challenge as it helps me grow closer to God. I am dealing with my own uncertainties, not being able to go back to my own country, not knowing what country I will be living in, if I’ll have to leave my daughter behind, but I know deep down that whatever road is being laid before me will be good in the end. But where is the mercy of God when millions of my own are stripped of their dreams to have a better life? Where is the mercy of God when poverty and violence strike stronger day after day? Where is it when one group of people can decide what goes in your own backyard, and damn, aren’t they successful at it? I guess that I am too caught up in my own hurting that I can’t see it. But I will pray for God to show me His mercy revealed in a nation as a whole. I won’t move up to the sixth week until it grabs me and transforms me. As I write this, I am crying of rage and sadness.

Week 5 reflection. I was eagerly anticipating going into this week. My attitude was positive and I was anxious to open the "package" for the week by looking over and printing the week's material. What a disappointment - the subject is sin! The assignment: "grow in what our culture seems to have lost - a sense of sin". I understand that. "This week should not discourage . . . (but) give us hope". That helps.

To read the guide every day this week has helped me progress. It's hard stuff, and I need to concentrate and stop to reflect and absorb.

What I started out to share is that, for some reason, I had a light bulb experience: the cruicifixion is redemption for today's evil! Why hasn't this sunk in previously? I'm astounded at the "revelations" I receive in participating in this retreat. God bless all of you on this journey.

The grace for Week Five came early in the week. As I was reading over all of the material for the week and looking at the picture it hit me more than ever that ALL people are God's creation and loved by God. I thought about how God might feel when God sees one that he created and loves hurting, killing, and plotting against another whom God likewise created and equally loves. This caused me to ponder the question - Who is one person or group of people to say that another person or group of people is deserving of deplorable treatment when all are created and loved by God? Realizing that the one who is drastically different from me whom I may oppose is also a child of God who is loved by God is cause to step back and think about the way that this 'other' is treated. This was followed later in the week by the grace to use the picture and frame imagery that was presented this week. I imagined a dynamic (interactive) picture with Christ at the center drawing all of the evil and sin in the framing periphery to himself without diminishing his own brilliance.

Each week I have posted the beautiful pictures on my screen. For the fifth week I have the destructive picture of Bosnia devastated by war. That is a powerful graphic of disordered nature. It makes me want to cry and I have shed tears thinking about such destruction. Then, I reflected on the evil of sin, my own personal sinfulness, and am looking for an appropriate picture of the destruction I have personally carried out. There are no words to express my own sinfulness and so I place myself in the trusting forgiveness of Jesus Christ. I thank Him for the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

This is Week 5 for our parish. I am watching the film "Dead Man Walking" as a painful perspective of sin, set within the framework of prayer and compassion. Although I have seen it before, looking from the viewpoint of sin in the world, it is very compelling. It is a small illustration of what Jesus overcame for us.

As I continue through week 5, I feel a very tragic disorder of sin which I had for a long time was not liking myself. It almost got suicidal at times. What greater disorder than to turn ones back on God's creation, and say that I am not worthy of His love. God is pure love, and resides within each of us. To think at one time I was so negative...its not a good feeling. I have come a long way since that point, I am very involved with a Prayer Group and well as being a Hospice volunteer. Praise the Lord for His love is everlasting.

A powerful message which offers an opportunity to reflect on God's love as I reflect upon the cruel shortcomings of humanity. For me personally, it was an opportunity to let go of personal failings, realizing as I clung to them, I placed myself in the center of what is important, instead of placing God there. Thank you also for the story of Bishop Gerardi. His powerful message lives on with this continued sharing of his story. Week 5

I haven't felt the need to share up to this point in the retreat, but, at the beginning of Week 5, I'm embarking on a whole new level of the journey closer to God. The first 4 weeks of the retreat almost felt like a "review." For over a year before beginning this retreat, I had been working with a wonderful spiritual director on the very topics presented in the first 4 weeks: especially the true realization that God knows me, loves me and reaches out for me before I even know to reach for him. Now, with this week, it's a whole new experience. The image in the photo is jarring, and the task at hand is difficult. I think of the verse from Joshua: "Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Sin is a tough one for me. I am an optimist. I think of sin as an "unfinishness". I believe God doesn't make junk... that everything IS for a purpose according to God's plan. I don't believe we can "hurt" or "disappoint" God. As we see the consequences of our actions, it causes us to reflect and adjust. I believe we all strive for goodness, but our understanding of goodness in each situation we encounter is incomplete. The lack that exists is "sin" to me. Jesus came to show us in human terms how to love selflessly even to death. there's the hard part...to give and give and give and give...without "expecting" to receive in return...BUT wait with God it's different. We can give and give and give and give and KNOW that he is eternally giving. He needs no return. THE MODEL...The all perfect.

My prayer is "Help me to give love to those I meet daily without expecting earthly love in return, but know in my heart that my God loves me always!"

To look at the big picture of sin in the world as well as personal sin is a very challenging thing to do. I am near the end of week five. This week I received aids through conversations that people brought up in work....it was interesting because twice this week it happened. One person not knowing anything about what my task was for the retreat ,said to me ...do you realize all the evil we have been witness to in our life time and then proceeded on a litany of events from WWII onward. She brought to mind so many images.

I am horrified at the sinfulness that the world has experience globally and in my own personal life, and it brings me to tears when I think that Jesus had to withstand so much suffering for me and the world. I am grateful to God, yet I need to look on the image of Jesus on the cross more often to really understand how great His love for us.

The cycle of hatred ,prejudice, greed, lust, and violence need to replaced with the understanding that God loves us , even if our own brothers and sisters act in ways that would make us think otherwise. I pray for all who are unloved , abused, neglected, lonely, and those who are arrogant , bitter and hateful that the Spirit of love enter into their lives to create or recreate us in the image of Him.

How right it is to reflect on the sin of the people of the world. I especially find myself lifting prayers to God for the helpless old and the unborn. (Week 5)

This week found me concentrating on major evil events in history, events readily horrifying and easily identified: the holocaust, WW II, Vietnam. Then there is the murder and mayhem that go on in individual killings. Of course, WTC bombings, the Pentagon, McVeigh, the list goes on and on. How about a system of slavery that lasted 300 years and still reverberates through every facet of this society. Then there is the sex-slave trade still imprisoning thousands, and the child sex industry of Thailand and other Asian nations that make our problems with sexual child abuse miniscule, though they should not be diminished in importance.

And then there is that incredible image of the cross. Once in awhile, as I raise the cup of wine at the consecration, my mind’s eye sees the cross with his human form, blood dripping down the body, flesh torn, thorns piercing, and lips moving that say, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

What tremendous love that this act of self-sacrificing love overcomes all the evil described above and all not described. What other response could there be for me than to strive to imitate that? When harmed by others, even slightly, climb up on that tree and be held by its victim and say with him, “Father….”

Just finishing the fifth week, I darely can tell you I realized a sense of sin that was different from before. Though I was so sad to hear suicide bombing in Isreal and sometimes I used to pray for innocent victoms, that accident never made me feel a sense of sin that I rebelled God's desire. So far most of My sin was the things about indivisual ingratitude from God. But when I watched Bali bombings on television this week , I felt how dreadful human beings' hatred was, how far we were away from God's love. Of course I was not directly responsible for the bombing, but I thought, I am also resposible for rebellion from God's desire that we praise, reverence and serve God and use everything else in creation for that end. Finally I came to move my eyes from my sin to our sin. I newly realized how wrong we behaved , how magnitude God's Mercy was. Jesus on the Cross gives me a broader views on the sin and His Mercy .

The beginning of this day of my 5th week, I thank God for such a great day. Then the phone rings. My brother who is dying of cancer tells me he is in pain; then my aunt calls me to let me know her daughter in law who is 47 died and left 3 children and that her oldest son who is 13 wanted to kill himself as he heard the news about his Mom dead. All kinds of sufferings until the ending of the day. While I am hearing all this I am focused on the great love that God has for us. I know God is in each situation. I will recall the grace I desire today: to enter more deeply into a sense of what sin really is. I may say, for example, "Lord, let me see and feel the outrage of the evil that seems to reign in our world. Lord, I so want to be moved by the profound depth of your love and mercy." At the end of this day, I let all these images be replaced by the one image of Jesus on the Cross. Tonight I will try to focus on that image. Try to let it become more real. I can imagine looking up into the face of Jesus, and speaking to him my gratitude. Risen Lord, thank you for the power of God's love.

All evils of our world. I remember loved ones and friends who are real victims of sin. I have experienced the tragedy of care givers like me that who failed to love those we care for by being so impatient with them and not expressing God's love to them. We do want it to affect our hearts. We want to take our blinders off and really see and feel the power of evil. But, at the same time, I want to experience the power of God's response. I try not to get discouraged and pray for hope.

Is it difficult for me to look at the evil of the sin in my life and how I make others suffer? I will ask God to help me grow in gratitude for the mercy of God in my life and the life of those I love and also on a certain person I find it hard to forgive. I am suffering because of this and I don't understand the reason for this attitude over such a simple misunderstanding. l understand I am not perfect and this is where I know God's great love.

I'm finishing up my 5th week, it's been tough. I've noticed alot of places in my life where sin has effected me or those around me. Sometimes I just feel powerless over my sin, even small ones, like overspending or not eating properly. Sin has a concrete effect on me physically...I get anxious and get an upset stomach. I have recently broken off a relationship with someone, so I'm feeling lonely. However, I did not feel that I was really interested in anything else but being loved and held, not to say this isn't important, just that in my addictive way, I will put anything behind this need, be it physical intimacy, food, or spending. So for now, I'm taking a break, trying to get some sanity in my life. Already my stomach is quieting down some, which is a blessing.

Week 5. I have been good at indignation faced with the faillings of others. Time to face up to my own sin and faillings. The prospect is truly frightening. This will go very slowly.

Week 5, I have been putting the photos as backdrop on my computer and I was able to notice my brand of wine two weeks ago, i. e. Concha Y Toro Merlot on the table. Of course, that was with much enlarging and font gymnastics. You see, I don't see as well as I used to. So, when I looked at the photo on the first day of week 5 I saw a beautiful hillside village until I right clicked and enlarged. Beauty became evil and unplessantness. My first impulse is to bolt and run-to look away. But, we are asked to look, to examine evil this week, to look at sin; not just our own but worldwide. It certainly isn't very pretty to look inside those bombed out rooms, to see and feel the starkness, to let the coldness of it touch the back or our arms. So much sin , so much evil. Is this really the full extension of total selfessness-to totally Ease God Out (EGO)? I remember driving home on a Feb. afternoon at the beginning of this decade after hearing that we were bombing Iraq and whispering to God an apology, a prayer like that we just really hadn't progressed very far. Anyway, this Monday morning of week 5 those are my thoughts I want to share with my brothers and sisters-He gives us all so much and the tendency is to keep 'em and hoard 'em like the last little fellow in the gospel yesterday; bury the talent. My prayer this morning is that God grace me this week by helping me get out of the endless maze of self-Amen

I am beginning week five with feelings of extreme discomfort! Who wants to look at the "sin" in their lives? As I look back on my youthful sins I thank God, in Jesus' Name that I have been "saved" by His love. Yet, the journey is not over. I ask God to reveal to me the ways that I continue to sin, and continue to hide these sins from myself. Our society has distorted my view of sin, has made it easier for me to rationalize sin, to make it sin a ACCEPTABLE part of life. I pray now that I will have the courage to "see" my sins as God sees them. I feel that they are open wounds that will fester and rot unless and until I ask God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit to heal me. Pray for me.

Week 5. WOW! What a week to begin to see the magnitude of sin in the world ... the USA and Britan begin, what is now the fourth day of, bombing on the other side of the world. What part do I play in all of it if I am a citizen of this country? The guides ask whether I can be reflective without being negative ... at the beginning of the week I thought I could. Then last night at a gathering I found myself saying things like, "This is it. Prepare your soul." and "Get ready to meet your Creator." Guess that was a little negative ... but what is it to want to be in God's loving presence and not worry about all of the sin on the planet? Gee, He does care enough to have given his magnitude of mercy by letting His Son pay for our messes. As the world situation has been developing, I find I would rather find a peaceful solution but that's not what 92% of the population wants. Am I a fake? Will I really be in the Kingdom when the time comes? God has promised and He doesn't go back on His promises, does He?

Scanning through the pages of sharing looking for a mention of Week 5, I enjoyed reading the contribution from the person who appreciates this wine. In fact I have kept that particular photo as wallpaper up to now and would similarly recoil from the horror of the destruction of the bombed village. I expect this retreat to be quite demanding as it progresses.

I am just finishing week 5 now. The awareness of sin is very important to me and this week has helped sensitize me to that. I think it helps to understand the first sin was a result of disobedience to God's plan for humanity. The result was a ripple effect of disorder throughout time.

In effect, I can clearly see how my transgressions will eventually lead and contribute to others. In other words, I may say something to one person, which may be good or bad, and that person will act upon it either in a good way (help someone for example) or in a bad way (the anger I have caused may encourage someone to manifest the anger on a third person). In any case this is like polution in the air or water. It is all around us. We can not avoid seeing it everywhere. However, it is up to us to help stop the bad propagation (sin) and proclaim the good (the Word). The propagation of the faith so to speak. By stopping the bad propagation, I mean by us realizing a sinful thought and putting it out of our minds. Prevent it from taking root. I do not mean to violently stop someone and thereby creating another and different sin. We must be imitators of Christ, who bore all kinds of insults and physical abuse without retaliation. Only Love.

I give thanks to God every day and ask Him to fill our hearts with His Love. I ask that I may contribute by bearing the fruit of His Love to others.

In this, the 5th day of the fifth week, I want to thank Jesus for he have saved me and the whole humanity from sin, and we can experiment his liberating power. The honor, the power and the Glory are yours, Father, in Jesus. And I am confident and glad.

I am starting week 5, and it is very difficult to think about sin without outrage, especially institutional sin. (goivernments that hide stuff, organizations that use misleading info to push an agenda, etc.) One thing that does help me though, it thinking that Jesus's passion is there to give us a clean slate, and that I can use that to be a member of holiness as best I can in whatever organization or group I'm in--and if I fail, Jesus is there for me.

[I too was] hurt by a pastor and people of the parish and am not ready to forgive completely. It happened 4 years ago. I too want to forgive but not completely. But in sharing this with my spiritual director I was told that St. Ignatius said that the desire to desire to change our heart is good enough for God. We should adopt the attitude of utter helplessness before God, that we cannot overcome some failing in ourselves and let God take over. I haven't forgiven completely yet, but with God's help I will. In His time. I will pray for you. A fellow traveler.

It was a difficult week. (5) Sin. Its nature is chaos. Nowhere to begin. Nowhere to end. Simply nowhere, but feelings of fear, guilt, anger, impatience, denial. Like hell, unbearable. But sometime, somewhere from the past, from behind, a distant melody can be heard. At first, a mere attraction that remained unexplained. Falling-in-love with the melody was enough - fit to be a movie score or TV soap opera - sentimental and carnal.

Then the words of the song emerged. Borrowed, yes, from a Filipino Jesuit, Arnel Aquino, SJ, but the truth of experience was ringing universal. Originally in Tagalog (a Filipino dialect), the message came strongly as I 'interpret' its refrain:

"With you ... I am waiting for you.
This love - the only longing in my heart -
for your return in my bosom, is drenched with yearning.
Be still and listen: 'Be mine again.'"

Forgiveness of God became a song: "Be Mine Again." Notwithstanding the controversies around Terrence McNally's "Corpus Christi," the play moved me to tears as it portrayed more vividly and passionately 'forgiveness' coming from the heat of one's chest [warmth of one's heart] that seeks out the other not to be left out in the cold, isolated. Tears welled up from my eyes that I may 'see again.' Sin and Forgiveness - grace of tears and song - gifts of listening, seeing, touching, feeling, tasting - God beckoning, "Be Mine Again." Deo Gratias!

The impression this week as I reflected on the Photo (5) and thereafter on the world around me is that God intensely desires to show me that the treasure is lying in my soul, it's all there where God's plan is all about.
The greatness and beauty of created things will not only help to train me properly but to let me achieve to know what God loves. My soul should be treated as a holy temple , being baptized in Christ , a new birth was given .
Thank you my Lord for these graces and help me to lift my eyes from the ugliness of this world and to choose all what you desire from me : Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control. I pray that I may give up my human outlook so as to consider things in the light of Faith, and to be taught only by Christ.

I am now in week 5 of the retreat. I have been tempted to share earlier but this is my first time. I have really enjoyed the retreat so far. I really liked looking back over my life and seeing God in His creation all around me the first few weeks. I love the themes to keep focused on for each week. Sometimes I feel as though I have not put enough time into the retreat every day but then I realize that when I am on my way someplace these things are going through my mind and have become a part of my life. I am moved by the sharing of others on this site. I hope to post my thoughts more as time goes on. May this be an enriching experience for all of us.

I was mired on Week 5 for 9 days. I was amazed, during that time, to come to the knowledge that I have long operated at arm's length from the evil and sin in the world. Yes, I observe various rituals to [I thought] prove and strengthen my faith: Sunday liturgy; the holy days [pretty much]; rosary; "At Home with the Word" reflections on the week's liturgy readings; give generously to our home parish; give to the missions; participate in "good works"; blah, blah, blah...

All of that, I thought, made me a good and kind person. I honestly believed that I was doing something positive to assuage the misery all around us. What I'm coing to think, though, is that I have never really sullied my hands or done much actively to counteract the effects of hatred, violence, and the like. I am the kind of person who turns the channel when a story on the news features unpleasant subject matter: starvation, cruelty to animals, war, and the like. For me, those kinds of things did not exist if I could not see them.

Knowing that, I'm left to ponder whether the Week 5 practice of ending each day thanking God for Her forgiving power and love is appropriate for me. There's so much for which I need to be forgiven, in my small world, that I wonder where I get the nerve even to ask for forgiveness.

As I started week 5 of this retreat, I almost gave it up. The idea of dealing with the weight of sin this week defeated me. I have been in a battle with Satan in my marriage over pornography. After a whole day of procrastinating, I went to confession this afternoon and received the unmerited grace I desperately needed. This dear priest gave me the advice I needed to turn the battle over to God the Father instead of carrying it myself. He referred to pornography as a " gift of the devil." I will turn to the image of Jesus crucified each night to be reminded of His love and mercy and the price He paid for us to have the victory. I thank God for this site and I thank God for the gift of the sacraments and I thank God for His servant who was sitting in the confessional today.

I am on the 5th week of this retreat. What a blessing to know it is here for me whenever I want. I think finding this retreat at this time in my life is God's grace surely working in my life. I was looking for my reunion class and found the site and there in front of me was a picture of the church I was married in on campus years ago. The marriage did not survive and reminds me of the bombed Bosnia village in the pictures. That is what my life felt like then. Such sadness around a breakup like that and there seemed to be no God in my life, only pain. It has been a series of broken relationships since then and I am just beginning to realize why. I know God works in my life because I adopted as a single parent years ago and have a beautiful son. He brought me back to the church where I found a priest who "accepted" we marginalized divorced and single Catholics. I now have a rewarding fulfilling job and friends and family that are support for me. I also share the joy and sorrows of my journey with others through 12 step work. God works in my life when I surrender to Her. Thank you for providing help and companions for my journey. God is giving me what I need today and for that I am grateful. I pray for all of you and I so cherish the shares. They are important to me too.

I realized while struggling through week 5 and 6, that my sense of being close to Jesus is a distant closeness. I can sense the Lord but not be near Him. Then I realized that this sense or feeling is because of me not God. I choose to hold Him off at a distance and so the next question is why? This site has really helped me to look at my relationship with the Lord more maturely and for this I am grateful.

Week 6

I have asked Jesus, why don't you come down from that cross? Why did God want a bloody sacrifice? I had it all wrong. It took me so long to receive the grace to see the beauty of Jesus on the cross. Now, I see my sin in the way of joining Jesus on the cross. Week 6
- Christine

I really resisted this meditation: I don’t WANT to think about my sin! Furthermore, I have a convoluted brain that tangles around issues: am I not doing more to serve the poor because of sin or because God knows I would be too proud of my “holiness” for doing it?So I asked God to bypass my “smart,” confused brain and give me an image.

The image that came to mind was one from a family camping trip. We were trying to start a fire to cook our dinner. One minute it was burning just fine. I sat down and looked away—and just a minute or two later, the fire had changed to smoldering, smoky logs. We were so frustrated with that fire and the way it just wouldn’t keep burning!

I think that illustrates my life and my sin. I feel comfortable with my log state and don’t want to abandon myself to the fire. God lights a fire and I refuse to burn. I am smoky rather than light. I cling to the “safe” and familiar (and unattractive and useless).

I don’t really know what the fire IS, I don’t really know how I am dampening it, but I feel the truth of the image and pray that I (that we) will BURN!
Love to you, fellow travelers! Some day I hope to be a warm crackling fire to comfort you on your journey and provide a place where you can be fed.

Last week was a struggle for me as I was asked to think deeply about my past sins and the shame and guilt of them. I finally realized the problem I was having was related to the fact that I have been abundantly aware of God's graces in my life and his forgiveness. I have spent intensive weeks and hours in prayer over the sins I have committed and the shamefulness that is mine. The power of forgiveness has been experienced in my own heart and life so vigorously that it wasn't really possible to go there again, because it was unnecessary to try to revisit the shame and guilt that I have been forgiven of. It seemed more an exercise than a spiritual awakening because I am already so aware of my need for forgiveness and God's grace through Jesus to save me from sin.

Forgiveness is such a loosening of chains of bondage, that until experienced, it isn't possible to truly reveal to someone else how freeing it is; not just our own forgiveness, but the ability to forgive others their sins against us. The ability to truly pray for our enemies and to pray for their conversion and change of heart in the spirit of Christ is an act of love we cannot accomplish on our own. Jesus lends us his love and mercy when we ask in true humility and honesty; and it will happen spontaneously, immediately without any further effort on our part, if we have asked out of love and a need to do His will and not our own. The forgiveness and peace that floods your heart is not of this world, not something you can attain through any striving or efforts of your own, but a graced gift from God. It won't even be possible to re-kindle the rage and anger you felt 10 seconds ago, the transformation is that complete. My prayer would be that everyone could experience that forgiveness, could understand in our frail human way the depths of God's love and mercy. It sustains, it nurtures, it pulls us towards him as a magnet affects the metal around it through no effort on its part. But unlike metal attracted to a magnet, God wants us to choose. His power can't be accomplished without our consent. For God nothing is impossible except to force us to choose Him. And he created that restriction himself. The step forward is up to each of us. We can only be forgiven when we are ready to forgive those who have hurt us. I can only say that taking that step is the only sure path to Life.

This is my 6th week. Each week has been refreshing for me, I am beginning to see more of my inner being. As I read the writing of others, I see how much we all are alike in spite of our differences; we all have inner pain, sin, disappointments, and grief. Most importantly, we all have a loving God to turn to for help, we have Jesus as our savior and friend, and we have the wonderful Holy Spirit as our comforter, counselor, and helper.

The reflection for today was especially healing for me, in allowing myself to open up to my own inner pain, and disappointments from others, I can now lay those sorrows to rest and allow the Holy Spirit to move me forward in God's plan. As I reflected on the reading for today, I was led to pause and pray for each person making this retreat, and I believe each of us will emerge as stronger beings in God.

I am finding week 6 to be a difficult struggle. It is hard for me to move past the overwhelming nature of my own weakness and sinfulness, to think of God's love and mercy. I know it is sin in itself to become this despondent, but I feel that I try so hard and yet always fail, and that I can never satisfy the standard of perfection that God seeks. Never even close. I just become overwhelmed with feeling like a bad person and a failure. Again, I know that obsessing about my own failings and not seeing past them to God's love is itself sinful, but I can't seem to move past it. I don't feel the acceptance or love that is discussed. I don't know what to do. To be honest, I'm just sharing this and waiting for this week to end. In every thing I do this week, I see how it falls short of what I should do, and in my spare moments, I think of the past and all the other ways I have failed. I am so tired. To be honest, I get angry that it feels so impossible to be a good person. What is "good enough"? Can I ever feel it? I know that my anger is sin too. It's neverending!

This week has seemed very strange for me. I did learn to pray and ask for the grace to be able to "see" more clearly exactly where I have separated myself from God. I went to confession and said how I feel that I am not close at all to God. I have seen areas where I held resentments still toward people. I have prayed for them to be blessed. Mostly I feel like "I" didn;t do well this week. But I think I am begining to get a hint of understanding that is isn't "me" who can progress as I go through the exercises of this retreat, I can only pray to "Let Go" of self , and grab hold of the tiny bits of hope that seem to come for just a second as new "pieces of stuff I can't explain" gets into my heart. Thank you so much for a place to share this. It helps me. Week 6.

I had done this retreat a year ago with a spiritual director, but didn't really go that deeply into Week 6. I "did" the week, and then moved on. While I have "acknowledged" my sins, I never really thought of myself as all that bad. Since I finished the retreat, I've been praying that God would bring me closer to him, especially since I have always struggled with knowing his love for me. Several days ago, I became overwhelmed, for the first time in my life, of my sinfulness. I reviewed Week 6, and I see now that this is a grace from him, and the only way for me to grow closer to him is to finally truly understand my sinfulness before him, and to experience his forgiveness. It's very hard to realize my true level of sin. Please pray for me. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

This is the end of Week 6 of the retreat for me and there was a lot of "stuff" going on at work & home so I didn't think I was progressing. I found this picture of Christ crucified with rays coming down from the cross over the world. I see it as depicting His deep love for all of us. Although I haven’t been able to focus on the retreat images & work in the background like I did in the earlier weeks, I was able to focus on this image and tried to see myself standing next to the cross and feel myself being enveloped by those rays of love. It was consoling &, I think, a major grace this week. And now that I reflect, it seems that even though I’m thinking I didn’t “do the retreat right” because the events of this week seemed to be distracting me, they were in fact God’s answer to my prayer to shine a light on areas where I need to look—at repeating patterns of sin. At least this time, I did think of God and going to Him. Lord, I do need your forgiveness & love so much….and the guidance of the Holy Spirit to help me to see more about breaking these patterns. I really need the grace to trust in God & His help.
Thanks again for providing this wonderful Retreat opportunity. My prayers go out to all of you responsible for this site and for those participating in the Retreat. Please pray for me also.

Week 6: This week talks about sin, global sin and personal sin. I find it really difficult to reflect on. The 911 event is a big sin and I wonder how people could do that. I did pray for the dead and wounded, as well as their families and friends. and I asked God to healed all those involved in this event. As for presonal sin, Theoretically, I admit that I am a sinner but deep in my heart that sense of pride is still there. Lord, please forgive me.

I am just starting the sixth week of the retreat. I have always thought of myself as a good person, and wondered what sins I had that I needed to reflect on. I know that God knows all my sins and then I suddenly realized that I do not. My eyes opened and I realized that I was feeling a pride that I counld not take credit for. Everything that has been happening to me as of late was not because of what I have done, but because of what God has done. Thankyou Lord for guiding me and for opening my eyes to my sin!!!

I have just finished Week Six. I had been on retreat at a Retreat Center a few weeks ago and spent time in a small chapel sitting alone before the Tabernacle 'confessing' the sins of my life before God. However, I found that I did recall some other sins this week in addition to many of the ones that I recalled previously as I prayed to God to allow me to remember all of the sins that God wanted me to. I know that when I prepare to go to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I get very embarrassed as I contemplate telling my sins to a priest. (What will he think? What will he say to me? Will he think that I am scrupulous?) I know that the point of the Sacrament is not what the priest thinks but seeking and receiving the forgiveness of God and being reconciled to God and the Church. However, I do not feel that type of embarrassment, that I am equating with shame, when I contemplate in my mind my sins before God. Maybe I should feel more of this type of shame before God? I do not know if perhaps I might let this contemplation be too much 'me centered' and not enough 'God centered' in order to feel this type of shame? However, I think that one of the reasons that I do not feel this type of shame when I come before God with my sins is because I feel that God already knows everything. God knows what I have done and what I have failed to do. God knows who I really am and will not leave me. I know that I am not worthy of everything that God gives me and that God gives me more than I deserve (including multiple chances). When I acknowledge these particular commissions and omissions as sins then I am being honest with and about myself before God. I am glad that I can somewhat easily come before God with my sins in the quiet of my mind and I pray that I will be more at ease with confessing sins in the Sacrament of Reconciliation where I can tangibly know God's mercy and forgiveness.

I have just realized that I do very little penance, until reading over the sharing words. I spend time in prayer each day and follow my spiritual director's suggestions but I never actually say to myself I will do penance. During Advent and Lent I try to spend more time in prayer but I still never actually do penance. Lord help me. Week 6

I have a life-long practice of being invisible to the world. I consciously show only only that part of me that I feel acceptable. It never dawned on me that Christ, including Christ crucified, is present in ALL of me and is God's message through me. To the extent that I have hidden Christ in me I have auctioned of the cross. I will this day stop hiding.Week 6

Week 6 is just beginning - last night (Monday) I faced up to many things in the past I had been avoiding. It is very painful, especially considering the results of these sinful situations, and how they have affected others. Today I am fasting and praying and I feel the healing of Jesus Christ setting in, and that He does not want me to punish myself endlessly, but accept His love and healing. Especially do I want healing of whatever it is that makes me behave in this way. I have no power over this sinful behavior except through God's grace and mercy to cure it.

I have been following this online retreat for the past few weeks, but always hesitant to write and share my experiences. It just seemed too personal. But today I read 2 things on the sharings that moved me greatly and I wanted to say thank you to all of you for sharing. They have been blessings. Someone wrote, 'St. Ignatius said that the desire to desire to change our heart is good enough for God', and another talked about how he/she had always seen himself/herself as the victim rather than the sinner. These 2 things struck me so deeply. I'm currently going through a very difficult time trying to forgive someone close to me. All this time I have seen myself as the victim - my hurt and pain were too great that I couldn't even see my own sins - how could my small sins compare to this other person who has hurt me so much? But God began to point out to me - ever so gently as he always does - how I do have so many sins of my own, how much I needed forgiveness too - that I even thought my sins were more forgiveable than this other person's - for that I needed forgiveness, because who am I to judge that? I know this person has been trying to be better, but somehow that's not enough for me, not enough to make up for the hurt caused, not enough to guarantee they won't fail and disappoint me again. Again and again, these words keep ringing in my head, 'the desire to desire to change our heart is good enough for God'...if that's good enough for God, how can it not be good enough for me, another sinner also in need of forgiveness?

Thank you for this online retreat and these sharings. They make God so real and alive in all of us.

Week 6: I am not a patient person. Falling into the same sins over and over again causes me to lose patients with myself. This causes me to become indifferent to my own sin: why bother I will never change. Reading Luke 7:36-50 helps. I see the humility of the women who pours perfume on Christ’s feet and I am humbled. Lord, help me to not sin and when I sin give me the courage and grace to continue to run the race for repentance and forgiveness. The Lord said: "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light." Mt. 11:28-30. Sometimes I humbly approach God as a miserable sinner needing mercy and sometimes as an angry child wanting justice, but I spend most of my prayer time with Jesus, my roommate, and Jesus, my friend. That is the Lord I look for when I go to pray. During this week, I have been given the grace that I should be more humble. Not that I should give up my relationship of Jesus as a friend, but I think it is critical I rely on him more. I need to be more mindful that I am a putting that needs to humbly pour perfume on his feet and that I am a child needing his protection.

Week Six: This has been a great grace and yet a tremendous challenge, I am taking a little longer with this week , because it has raised deep issues in my life and I need to proceed slowly. I did go to the sacrament of reconciliation this week which was a wonderful grace. I will seek some help to navigate this for the next few weeks and that is also a grace,something that I was afraid to do for awhile.

I have been guilty of many sins in my life and struggle on a daily basis with sin. I had thought that I was doing alright ,but the great fear of not being worthy and somewhat afraid of God at times proves troublesome. I love God and I am beginning to understand the concept that his mercy is above all other works. Being too ashamed of sin and not seeking his comfort is something I have struggled with and my prayer this week is to learn to be open with my sinfulness and my goodness. I pray that I can look at the cross and realize that his mercy is so much greater than my sin... hopefully with time , I will become so aware of his divine love that the patterns of my sin will change . I will be so indebted to him that I will seek not to offend him by my sinfulness, and yet go running into His arms for love , reconciliation and mercy when I stumble and fall.

I am a sinful being , and I need the confidence to truly feel God's deep and abiding love for me. I pray for joy to realize His unimaginable love.

The first day of Week 6, and what a start! I was given a foretaste at Mass yesterday. I was kneeling in my pew, feeling the weight of my failings and wondering at my apparent inability to overcome them. Then I read the opening prayer for the day:

Father, you taught us to overcome our sins
By prayer, fasting, and works of mercy.
When we are discouraged by our weakness,
Give us confidence in your love.
We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, Your Son,
Who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
One God, forever and ever, Amen.

I was overwhelmed with God’s mercy, at His continuing call to be made “perfect, as He is perfect.” When I realize that only He can make me perfect, and understand that all I can do is choose to cooperate (or not) with His will for me, I know that I must continue striving to be the person I am called to be. Failure hurts, but it is the effort that matters. With His grace, I will continue getting up when I fall and pray that I fall less hard and less often. I also ask for the grace of gratitude for His love and mercy.

I've been working on week 6 since Holy Family Sunday. The reading that day hit me particularly hard when Paul speaks about not holding any bitterness in our hearts regarding our spouse. My heart has been full of bitterness for years. Week 6 provided the key to the start of releasing that bitterness: I looked at my own sins in the marriage...and was deeply humbled for I saw my part in the disharmony whereas before I always cast myself as the victim. It is truly a wonderous and amazing grace to remove the blinders to our own sin. What freedom it gives...to move on and to change...for now I see how much I need to decrease so that Christ can increase in me. And through His grace the process begun in week 6 will continue. Thank you for telling us to focus always on Jesus and the Cross while doing week 6: the horror of my sins and the sorrow and pain involved in their uncovering would have overwhelmed me to the point of paralysis if I did not keep Christ in the center. Thank you. I trust that you keep all of us on this online retreat in your prayers daily. Please never stop for your prayers are needed.

I am in week six . I am asking God to help me experience the times I have been rebellious, with emotion; to help me explore concrete actions, attitudes, consequences of my decisions, habit that I developed and haven't change and opportunity to love, passing up the way I was deaf to the cry of the poor, my pride and judgements, bad single sin or the pattern of sin I am so aware of. To focus becomes a way for God to show me His Love and Mercy, it will be a profound grace. Please don't let me resist the temptation to stop there, with that single bad sin. Please unveil my whole life here. For the ways I am rebellious in my failures to praise, reverence and serve God are often quite subtle. I want to know and experience God's love for me as I am, not just because I do this or that. I want to experience love and mercy for who I am - who I have been and who I have become.

Finally, Thank you Lord for loving me, help me love you with my whole heart and soul,speaking to you as my best friend and wanting to do all for, with and be with my Lord always.

The picture of Auctioning off The Cross hit me deep down inside...Is this what I have done with the sufferings of Jesus? And the answer was YES - in hundreds and hundreds of little ways. I have been content with being a "little" sinner...what arrogance and self love! The helps for the week helped me to begin to see myself as a sinner in need of forgiveness. I am a religious and some of our founder's words to us are " Be There for the Whole Church, be there as a pardoned sinner..." I began to understand better how my sinfulness effects my ministry - how could Jesus have continued to love me and forgive me...but he did/does...I have had so many second chances. Lord, help me to see where I need to change and how.

I was considering my sinfulness. I was thinking about my "progress" in this retreat and how "well" I was doing and how dedicated I have been to this point. Maybe I have been slacking a bit, not giving myself totally. Then it hit me. I am doing as good as I can do. Even if this was the best retreat of all time, at the end of the retreat I will still be a sinner. Hopefully a more enlightened and in tune to God, but still a sinner. Despite all of this, God will still love me! To be honest, it is difficult for me to comprehend. Please God, help me to better understand your ways. Thank You for your love. (Week 6)

I am in week 6 of the retreat . My greatest grace has been the realization that God has always been with me loving me for nearly 70 years . It means that my life was always about God not about me . So now I caan peacefully remember events and periods that I normally gloss over out of shame for sin. This is a great joy .

While reading the reflections for week 6, I realize that I have been guilty of both of these attitudes which make up the arms of the cross. Many times, I have felt so worthless... as though God made a mistake in creating me and should not have suffered and died for me.

Other times, when my life situations seemed difficult, I resorted to devious and privately dishonest methods to resolve them, and taken great pride in doing so. Pride in my own cleverness and ingenuity. This instead of turning to or trusting in God. I did not wait upon Him. I see now that I still have a great deal of trouble waiting upon God.

Help me Lord to see both the horror and the beauty of the cross and your sacrifice for me. Help me to realize that I am accountable for my actions and for my lack of action. Help me to see you in those I meet today and to fully realize that we are all worth saving in your eyes. Forgive me Lord for my sins and be with me today because I cannot do it without you.

When I first opened week 6, my heart sank. How do I go back over my sinful life? Nearly 50 years of rebellion and rationalization? In prayer I realized, because of God's mercy I only needed to go over the gift of forgiveness and the lessons I learned because of those sins. It brought tears to my eyes to feel His compassion and love for me, a loved sinner. I also felt gratitude and hope. Gratitude that I have been given the opportunity to change. Hope that the love I feel can be expressed by me towards strangers who are suffering. Mostly, I add prayer that I might be given the courage to proceed in honoring and acting upon God's will for me.

Yesterday, I encountered something that was revolting. my first reaction was to condemn the person for the act. I tried to quiet my mind to get to a place that I could hear God talking to me. I prayed under my breathe and tried to see this person as a child of God, too; just like me. Then it dawned on me, that someone could have done the same thing for me. Sometime in the past, when I was doing a "no brainer", someone (probably my mother) prayed for my soul. That thought took a load off my mind, because then I knew I had something precious to give to this person.

Thank you for this retreat. The format works very well. I can participate on a flexible schedule and enjoy the gifts that it produces. I am in week six, and it is a tough one to look at sins that I have buried and tried to forget. Looking at myself everyday and trying to catch the sins that I still generate; isn't fun either.

Week 6 has been difficult to really get into. I have expanded the time to two calender weeks because it seems so important. Remembering the sins in my life is not a problem (unfortunately) but truly feeling their sinfulness and God's mercy has been elusive.

There is nothing more welcome than reading the struggles that so many of us share in our humanness. There have been gifts in every week - some more difficult to see or accept than others, but available, nevertheless. I am only at week 6 in the journey and I know I have so much to learn and grow from, if only I can allow it to happen. I have always been on the very self-sufficient side and can barely make a request of anyone, knowing I can do it alone, if not better than anyone I would hand it off to. I have had very few people in my life that I have allowed to contribute to me - and only in the recent past have I allowed that to happen more. It is just overwhelming when I let down the guard, trust, and let somene give to me. And I know I have not done that with God- always wanting to be in control myself (or deluding myself to think I am) and not letting God move in my life. I am working on letting go of that notion - and I know it will take time for me to get where I need to be - but I do recognize it more and more now having worked on the retreat. Please pray for me in this regard - I so want to allow God to use me and to accept what is offered from everyone in my life, especially the Lord. The story of the Prodigal Son this week is a favorite of mine. I read the book by Henri Nouwen on Rembrandt's painting, the "Return of the Prodigal Son", during an especially difficult time in my life and it made a tremendous impact on me. God Bless each of you who has opened up and shared your thoughts. I count each one as a gift.

I have just begun the sixth week of the retreat. I had not had a problem looking at my sinfulness. When I go to confession, I make a thorough examination of conscience. However, something that I did realize from the reading is that most people do not really think of the little things as sins anymore. I had been told by someone once that I make too big a deal out of the little things that I do (giving into envy, etc.). I know that people see me as a holy religious person and that sometimes makes me feel even more like a hypocrite when I know the feelings or things that I have done. I had also been told that if you believe that it is a sin then it is a sin for you and if someone else does not believe it is a sin then it is not a sin for them. Not to make myself sound more pius but I believe that I partly know how the saints felt when they recognized themselves as wretched sinners when everyone else saw them as saints. (I am not saying that I am a saint. I know that I have a way to go. But I am saying that I maybe can relate to this idea) It makes me wonder, and I don't mean this in a self-centered way, if I am truely a better person than I sometimes think that I am. I also wonder if it is even good to think that way. I know that the Lord said that the tax collector went home justified and the Pharisee did not in the one Gospel story. It makes me wonder where I really am in my life with the Lord.

I had stopped my retreat...just left it behind but God had not given up pursuing me.. The other day...I went to my bible... I don't know where it came from but a desire to read the old testmnet kind of just stirred my interest. I cannot believe I sat down and just read for hours about the story of David..

And then a few days later?... I wanted to return to the retreat. When I did I thought I will just brouse on thru this stuff.. but I got stopped on week 6..(i think the opening dialogue was about the story of David.. then I knew that is where God was trying to direct me too...

Its how I treat others.....that is why I have no friends... it's a lonely life........when you run around with a strong critical parent in you......... well........that is all I have to say.........that is where he wants to take the knife to me.. and that is what causes me the greatest deal of pain for me....... I just thought I would share. Merry Christmas everyone........and keep going.......don't give up.......if you try I assure you God will just keep on hounding you........you see he sees something valuable in all he creates.....he can see thru the smuck..

When reflecting upon my past life (6), I am 50, I see nearly only the good things: how lucky have I been! A good family, good friend, a good work. I didn't marry, even if I think I could have been a good wife, but I didn't find the right man. was I too exigent??

I thank God every day for what He has given me. I passed of course bad moments: the death of my little sister, the death of both my parents, but after some time I accept all, as life is so. I don't find yet any moments I am ashamed of; I don't think I made bad choices in life, family and work. I don't find God's presence in any particular moment, I Thank Him for giving me faith, which I sense is a gift of God and not only an effort by us.
My English is not very good, as I am Italian .

Week 6 has been extremely powerful for me. The week long examination of my life has been very revealing as I've had to face the patterns of sinful behavior woven throughout my history. However, the stronger picture that emerged was the pattern of God's faithfulness - His protection, His gentle drawing me closer to Him as I chose paths to run from Him. I thank God the Father for not giving up on me; for seeing me as someone of value to Him. I thank Jesus for his willingness to go to the cross for me, and I thank the Holy Spirit for guiding me.

I am ending week six and have found out a lot about myself, mostly how God has kept me in His hands. I have been given so many graces throughout my life that I can never thank enough. I am nearing 69, twice widowed, live alone as my children live and work in different places and countries. I have always relied completely in God´s love and providence. I know that what I am sharing is irrelevant and boring but being sleepless and lonely it seemed a good idea to share the loneliness, which I am sure is true for many other people. I pray for all of you who are also doing this retreat.

Just finished week 6. Found it hard, dificult and demanding . Extended the week to two weeks. God help me I do not feel shame for my sins sorrow, repentance but not shame. Moving to week7 more in faith, hope and love than with real conviction. Perhaps this where a sprititual director would be helpful.

I just finished week six and wanted to share that a few months ago I was doing a lot of thinking about my own sin. I was really wanting to be closer to God, but something was 'gettin' in the way' . It was like a wall blocking things every time I tried to pray. Then, I was compelled to go to confession, so I wrung my hands and cried for a week before I finally called up my priest. He said, "Why don't you come now"? Despite my nervousness, I went and told him what I called "old stuff". At the end of my confession, Father said "know that your sins are hanging on the cross, so you don't have to worry". Those words reached out and took hold of my heart. "My sins", I thought, "Jesus Died for ME"? It personalized it for me, so much. I felt so humbled, so reverent, but mostly, I felt grateful. More grateful than I had ever felt before. When I walked out of there, my sins were gone. And so were my tears. I learned so much that day. Jesus is there, waiting to pour out his loving mercy on us. And yet, for so long, I've resisted. I want His gift now, and then, I want to give Him a proper Thank You.

I am in my 6th week and I have recently completed my photo gallery for the past 59 years. There were some things that I am proud of and also a period of my life that I am ashamed of. But the exercise was wonderful. It was amazing what I remembered...getting a licking on a Sunday after Mass for dirtying my diaper (we had chicken soup that day)...lying on the side of the hill at about age 8, looking at the sky and feeling the strong presence of my guardian angel. One ommision that I felt sorry for concerned my brother who was a missionary up the Amazon River, got bit by a poisonous spider, was sent home weighing about 100 pounds...looked terrible. I was happy that he didn't die but I never did discuss his feelings about not being able to do this type of missionary work, something that he wanted and trained for his entire life, gone. God bless.

I have rehashed the big sins of my past (6) so many times, trying to figure out how I could have done what I did. But not until I did it once again in this retreat did I feel fully free of those sins. By seeing my life differently now, with Jesus as the center and myself and my sins as the frame to the picture of God's love for me, everything is so beautiful. I, too, have become more transparent in my relationship with God.

The hardest part of this week (6) has been the realization that the notion of "patterns" in my life means that this stuff has not only been there for a while and is deep, but it's a more realistic picture of who I am. I always thought it was "unhealthy" to look at the "negative" stuff. The picture I have of myself after the last two weeks is the most unveiled I've been to myself. As I try to be more and more transparent in the key personal relationships of my life, to be completely transparent to myself before God makes so much sense. And it feels great!

The 6th Week helped me realize that I sinned because my faith was weak, or nonexistent. I must not forget, even for one minute, that I live in the world created by God, the world in which He is constantly present.

Abba, I have sinned against You and against other people. Forgive me. It happened because I did not live in Your presence, I did not seek Your ways, I disregarded Your commandments.

Help me O God, repair the results of my sin wherever it is possible. Please, give me the grace to know my sin in all its dimensions, and the ways to compensate others if they were hurt by my sin.

Above all, I beg you Lord to help me live in Your presence, to follow Your commandments and to always seek Your ways. Amen

As I entered in my sixth week of the Online Retreat I've been immersed in "one of the specialties of Saint Ignatius" as an intercessor to us, the ones who do the Retreat, according to the contemporary physician and mystic A. Speyr. I am very confident on the active and lovely presence of God during this beginning week.

The center here is Jesus, who died on the Cross for every one of us, and my sinful life and attitude is to be seen from the light of this picture. How often "I have auctioned off the Cross"... But he offers himself with actual love and is always here to save me.

I feel compelled to comment on what has touched me deeply, this morning ... and, that's the photo by Fr. Don: Auctioning of The Cross, Week 6. I am moved by the accuracy of the portrayal in the photo, and it's symbolism.

My first impression (before I enlarged it) was of a rally or some sort of protest. And, at first glance the individuals looked oppressed, tense, even fearful or angry.

Second impression, after enlargement: Complete disregard, disrespect, ignorance of The Cross. Perhaps a hint of awareness by the man holding it, as his "indifference" is tinged by his obvious discomfort in holding it. One man actually has his back to The Cross. Scanning the photo, no one is looking at it! No one, except the unseen photographer.

Third impression: This photo reminds me of the sins I don't like to look at, and I find it unpleasant and I'll move on quickly. EXCEPT ... then I notice the beauty of the Light, high above The Cross, gently flowing in, highlighting, spotlighting it, in all it's Glory! And, I'm aware of God's Presence and my undeserved redemption through His Love and The Cross. Praise God! Thank You, Father! Thank You, Jesus! Thank You Holy Spirit!

It seems every time I ask God to lift the blindness from my eyes, to see what it is I am missing, what sin am I not looking at, I go back to my relationship with my mother. It's a hard place to be because I have never been good enough, or I don't have any rights to feel, or she just judges everything I do or say, and then she gets mad at me. I have wondered what sin is here that I am missing. I know I keep going back to this because I am missing something, and this week I realized that I too am critical of others like her. I judge not only God's intentions but my own, I am my worst critic and I never realized what a sin that was. I know God has healed my blindness here and I have hope and faith I won't be back, I can go forward now and see all my sin for what it really is. As I finish the 6th week of the exercise I know God is mercyfull and loving, and there is not anything that will keep him from loving me.

I am beginning the sixth week of this beautiful spiritual experience. I thought I may have to put this off two weeks ago when my sister died, but soon realized how important this is. I haven't shared before. My brother, daughter, and nephew commited suicide. My daughter would be 37 this week; she shot herself in the heart at age 30. I still weep for her. I know how important this spiritual journey is to me and I want to thank those who have made it available because there is no other way at this time for me to make a retreat.

I have struggled to make Week 6. I chide myself with the 'on and off ' nature of my commitment and rely heavily on the prayers of you to keep me fuelled. I would like to share the thought that persisted with me throughout the week. In considering my particular sins, I was so blinded by one particular type of sin that I could not see the many others that also need to be addressed. Thankfully I have others around me who do not hesitate to point out my every fault. This has caused me to get so angry with them that I cease to hear what they say. But now I can hear them and see that they are right and I thank God for the grace I have received to be able to do so.

I'm on Retreat # 6....One of the first things that comes to mind is "All Sin and fall short of the Glory of God" Romans3:23 - 24 ...Well that tells me I'm not alone....BUT...as Christians we have a helper to help us overcome, Jesus, thru the Power & Influence of the Holy Spirit....God's Grace..

My second thought....my sins .....they seem to come and go and I believe the Holy Spirit keeps me informed when I do a no no...or such. Resistance or Rebellion seems to be a biggy & as in Retreat # 1 could see it happening in my youth. ... I did it again....and here I am,Lord, again, eating humble pie. What more can I say except....keep reminding me Lord thru the Holy Spirit & one of these days I'll get it right.
Thank You for this On Line Retreat & Thanks be to the Holy Trinity for keepin me on my toes.
PS: I"ve included Internet Families & Intentions on my Prayer list now,also....please do the same for me too.

Having finished week 6, the image of Jesus bent over the world on his cross is the most soul enlarging. I can see a little my own sin and those in our world, but they become more real when I can look into his face, see the pain there and the .love. It has moved Jesus from 33A.D. to 1999 A.D. Redemption continues, is NOW.

My God Owing to illusory self, impatient and imprudent conduct on my part, (6) I have created a world which was estranged from Your presence . I was not so attached to You. I turned aside from the path You wished me to go on. As a result of my sins , I was unsatisfied and without joy in my heart. Now, as I look again , I know that You are always loving me, I can feel an opportunity is lying there if I so wished , in the basement of my heart . Oh Lord Help me to unlock the door of the basement of my heart and to go on the path where only Jesus Reigns. Help me to co-operate with Your working through me for the complete elimination of suffering and evil.

Week 7

The personal patterns of my sinfulness were already becoming evident these past weeks of my retreat. I seem to judge others when they don’t live up to my expectations. I say I trust in the Lord with all my heart, but still worry and cannot believe or accept His grace. He says “Do not be afraid, I am with you always”, but I do fear. All the things I hate in others are the very sins that I commit or have committed. I say I forgive, but I still hold onto things of the past. There are so many things that, by God’s grace, He has helped me to see because He knows I have to heal completely and I can only do this by looking within. By doing this and then focusing on God’s eyes looking at me with pure love, embracing me, and holding my face in His loving hands, I have found a peace like I have never felt before. Because of this, my outlook on life has drastically changed…the things going on in my life have not changed…just the way I am able to handle them. “My grace is sufficient for thee, for power is made perfect in weakness” 2 Cor. 12:9 (also, read verses 6-9) Yes, His grace is more than sufficient, but my hardness of heart made me unable to see or grasp it. But, now, I am holding onto it for dear life and praising God every minute of the day for His gift.
-- June

I am on week seven of the retreat. This has been a very good experience for me. Weeks 5, 6, and 7 have been about sin. Sin in general, personal sins and my own patterns of sinfulness. The thing I have struggled with is that it is fairly easy for me to see sin in others but not in myself. I know in a general sense it is there and I see some of the specifics but I think there is a lot I do not see. So I talked to my spiritual advisor ( a priest/friend) about not making progress in this area. He said the fact that you are thinking about your own sinfulness is a good sign as most people won't even think of their own sinfulness. So maybe I am making progress. I remember reading when starting the retreat not to "demand progress."

The picture of "Auctioning off the Cross" intrigued me more than any others even before I read the meditations for that week. I wasn't sure why at first. Then it occurred to me that the reason that picture intrigued me is because I am guilty of auctioning off the cross in so many ways.

I pray for all who make this retreat. God Bless you all.

The biggest pattern I see in my sin , is the way I just easily don't give to others the respect and love they deserve. I keep myself apart. I pray this will change. Help me God. I have been praying to learn to love Jesus, I think I must only learn to "Love My Neighbor" . Help me God. Week 7

I am a sixty year old priest. I am at week 7 at present and struggling badly! I have shared nothing so far, as I find it difficult to open up even to myself. I thought this morning it would be a good idea to 'revise' from the beginning and try to share. I took two weeks to do Week 1. I am glad because the second week brought back to me many blessings I had received through lots of people I had forgotten about during the first week. I finished the second week with a sense of gratitude for being so blessed and enriched throughout my life.

I feel like I've finished week 7, but then in some ways I don't feel finished. My heart feels raw... not broken, not healed, just kind of raw, in a state of flux. It's hard to exist this way, but I'm trying not to rush the healing process. It is important that I heal and not just coat it with my own vices. Dear Lord, I patiently await your healing. AMEN
Christine -AK

When the darkness is complete
seeking you comes easy
I can say with Paul
"When I am weak, then I am strong

When all is brightness and sunshine
I run to you with love, grateful for your gifts
God is good! How great is our God!

But the cloudy days of plodding endurance...
those I claim for myself
days not cold enough to take cover
nor warm enough to give gratitude
in these days my sin has foundation and grows

and what does my sin look like?
a fortress I have built around my heart
the stronghold I retire to on the dreary days.
its walls somehow and mercifully admit entrance to
support and encouragement of those who love me
but limit the love I can return
and blind me to the needs of those near
but just outside.

I need to be free of my desire to be strong alone.
within my fortress that desire is strong
and drowns out your call to be friend and disciple.
I can not tear down the walls alone
and alone, I don't really wish to
But You will not storm the gates
You wait just outside the wall at the weakest point
Calling to me...

It may be too much to ask of this week that we can tear down
the walls so long in building
but I pray that I could at least find you waiting
and calling at the smallest opening,
and allow you to draw me out of myself
and into you so that I can see clearly
what keeps me from you
at least for a time.

i've surprised my self by making it this far...i'm usually not good at sustaining an effort. for the last two weeks i have acutely felt the pain of the rebellion of sin..feeling cut off from god and from those i love and have sinned against. but i have also experienced what can happen when i turn to god in need. this week has really forced me to see one of my most destructive patterns, and that is trying to do it "my" way when things are "good", thinking i can play both ends against the middle. when i become complacent, the margins of right behavior blur and i cross the line, thinking my actions won't really hurt. i become swept along in my own emotions, yielding to them without pause. i have also discovered that when things are "bad", i dont seek the help of god or utilize the tools he has given me until catastrophe strikes...and then i come begging. i live a reactive rather than proactive life. i do not follow the words of the act of contrition "to avoid the near occasion of sin"..because i dont want to. how stupid and self destructive this has been for me! someone once told me that if evil was dressed up in horns and a tail, no one would want it, so evil often feels good and satisfying. but how empty it feels in the end. if i am to make spritual progress i have to turn it over to god and change the patterns of my life, one day at a time. i never thought it would be so much work and how actively engaged i'd have to be in it. but i acknolwedge that despite the many troubles in my life, god has given me much...and therefore i am responsible for honoring what ive been given. change has been agonizingly slow for me, but i can feel it in increments. for this i am grateful to the god who loves me as i am, sins and all. Week 7

I am in week seven. I started only checking in each week --- thinking that it would be good to learn the process of the retreat. But I have found myself living this retreat. I had been feeling disconnected from Jesus and as I finally allowed myself to depend more on Jesus and less on myself I realized that Jesus is always there... always connected... I am the one that disconnects.

Week 7: I find it difficult to reflect on sins. Perhaps it is because I don't really want to look at them. I have been deaf to God's word for a long time though at the back I know God is always there.

Today I got mad at almost everything. I was off so I supposed that I was relaxed and free. But inside my heart there is lots of anger and I cannot figure out what it is - what is the source of my anger?

I pray to God to hold me in His loving hands.

Week 7 has revealed a sin I never considered a sin. It is an attitude toward others (not everyone) of superiority. How can I rid of it--it is so ingrained and seems not to be willful, but a part of my being. So I will pray about this now.

Anyway, the attitude comes from my upbringing where criticizing of others was commonplace. It gave me a feeling of "we" and "they" (everyone else) and "we" were special. I felt very loved, safe, warm and fortunate. Yet, I have a fair amount of low self-esteem. How do these two go together? I've been told by a counselor that the criticism set forth the parental expectations which I have tried to meet all of my life. Those criticisms could be of me if I acted or looked a certain way.

I'm also beginning to see that disappointment in my husband over the years has been influenced by this "sin." And not thinking that the attitude showed was probably naiive and that it has affected his feelings and confidence. I'm suddenly realizing that I have gotten quite a bit out of week 7!

my patterns of sin has been aagainst my wife. i have connected the dots and what i see is a young man growing old by himself. the image of the man on the beach;in this weeks photo, could be me wondering where i went wrong.i did not acknowledge my sins.i did see myself as a"big sinner". it was my wife who suggested i do this retreat.the first time i tried the retreat i did not think it was for me.this time i have removed my mask and saw myself for who i truly was.coldhearted,unloving, self centered;yes this this was me. for twenty five years my wife has put up with this monster.i beg GODS FORGIVENESS and my wifes that i receive a second chance.i sit at the feet of JESUS hoping to experience his forgiveness.i beg GOD to hold me and heal me for i'am truly broken.my prayer is that i could be the man on the beach with his loving wife by his side and not the old man alone asking GOD how could this happen. Week 7

I realized during week seven that the underlying cause for many of my sins that kept reechoing though my mind was that I worry too much about my appearance before others. While I knew before that this was a one of my problems, I did not realize quite as fully as I do now what impact this has had in the sins that I commit. There were some sins that I could easily trace back to this but as I dug deeper into some of my other sins I found this to be below the surface as well. While there were also other patterns that I could find this one seemed to be the most prominent. It seems ironic that I could offend and strain my relationship with the One who is the most important while I was so concerned with the perception that others have of me. As I sit here typing I realize that gaining recognition, approval, or a good image in the eyes of others would mean nothing if I am offending God in the process. Now I must continue to work to put this realization into practice which will not always be easy.

Week 7: I believe that part about people not getting up each day with the intent to do evil things. We all want to do good, to be good. The part that hits the nail on the head for me is that we feel needs that feel unmet, we have fears that sap our confidence. This is the meaning of "sin" for me. These unfulfilled needs and nagging fears make us lose sight of the fact that God is with us, loving us offering us the help we need if only we could be conscious of His help around us. Losing sight of our loving Father, that is "sin" in my view.

The prayer "In these or similar words" brought tears to my eyes. The visual was strong and positive. Me sitting at the feet of My Father asking for the strength to get up again and try to do good, be compassionate even if I am sick or tired or hurt from being ignored, be watchful of other's needs and help if only with a smile of encouragement, have courage because the All Powerful, All loving God cares for me and intends for me to care for His creation in return.

To reflect on patterns of personal sin is not something that most people want to do and that includes me, but I believe that it will prove to be life altering if I approach this week or so with the idea that , I do need a conversion of heart and a much more profound awareness of how my inability to love the way God intended me to love is hampering me from being the creature that God intended me to be.

I want to delve into why I sin, what is my weakness or inclination. Most of the time , it is through selfishness, or fear that I tend to lash out, judge, or mistreat my brothers and sisters. Though I often pray for trust in God, I often forget and then the sin will inevitably rear its ugly head. It will be a life long journey to place total trust in God who deserves nothing less than my absolute trust in His Mercy and Love.

I am grateful for this week and I pray that I will not be afraid to look at myself honestly, and remain constantly aware of Christs ultimate and great gift of Himself to me. Thank you and God bless all who are making this retreat and those who facilitate it.

I read the sharing of others in Week 7 today, the first day of that week for me. Again, God’s timing amazes me. One person wrote of a rut, blockage, procrastination, and even failing to start a project. Others shared experiences similar to mine. One used the analogy of ‘connecting the dots’ to describe this week’s work. I too am in a rut. I need to connect the dots in my life. The patterns are not yet clear, but are beginning to come into focus. I pray for the grace to see the patterns in my life and to steer myself out of the ‘rut.’ All praise and thanks be to the Lord, my Saviour!

The seventh week was difficult for me. I felt deep sorrow and scare when the hidden things in my mind that I never wanted to remember was disclosed in front of God and myself. But on the journey I discovered my habitually repeated sins resulted from not only admitting my failure and mistakes and disability but escaping from them. In fact I have hidden my injury and frustration. It grew bigger and bigger and without knowing controlled my mind and made me disguise myself .... far away from God. Though I have participated in many church activities, I realized I didn't show myself as it is even to Him and began to wonder whether or not my love for God was wrong. Throughtout this week I -as a sinner- wanted to be healed all of mine and renewed by God's Mercy and Love. Talking about myself with God, I could discover that I behaved as I 'd like to regardless of His desire. I really want to buy the cross auctioned off by me. The picture that I see again on the last day of the journey seemed to tell me God is coming across the river to meet me-as a sinner and give His love. And my eyes got wet with grateful tears. What a great gift !!

I am very excited by this process. I have made many mistakes in my life. I can "understand" some of the pyscho-social roots of my sins...but now I want to be able to learn from them. I also have to be careful not to judge myself too harshly....my father used to tell me I did this and my friends tell me the same. Yet, I know what the truth is and yes, sometimes I am hard on myself but many times I take a path that has to do with utter fear and stubborness. (7)

The exercise for this week has been very difficult for me. There have been many times in my life when I felt I was dying to self, doing the will of God, only to feel like a hypocrite afterward. I drew much consolation from the prayer by Thomas Merton -about not knowing if I was pleasing God, but the fact that I was trying to please Him, actually did so. I hope I am not expecting too much from this week's exercise, but maybe, just maybe it might help me discern God's will for my life and to feel His forgiveness for the times when I sinned against Him - even when I felt I was doing the right thing. (7)

Tears. I haven't filled up with tears, gotten that tightness in my throat, and the welling up of emotion from inside, for a long time. (7) This time I felt joy. Tears of joy. How I had wanted to never again look at the serious sins of my past. Today, they tell me not only what I have done, but they remind me of the One whose death frees me from those sins.

Week 7 -- Time to connect the dots of patterns of sin in my life; what a gift this is! I have come so far in the walk to wanting to live a life of holiness that I had gotten stuck in mediocrity. This week, these reflections, are a difficult but wonderful gift for new growth. Yes, the pattern is subtle but consistent. I am lovely in the "front room" of my life, but there is a need to stroke my ego (pathetically self pitying from the early teen years) that rises to inflict itself on those who are weak if they don't give it the recognition it craves. Dear Jesus, having seen this more clearly, help me to rest in your friendship, and to see real value in living for you, so that I don't need to rise on the pain of weaker brothers and sisters anymore.

Yes, I am filled with hope and confidence, yet I recognize that my confidence is easily shaken. I often end up feeling inept and impotent when confronting my spiritual and moral shortcomings, and so I simply give in. I pray that I can gain strength through this retreat and become a better man, father, husband, and child of God. I know you are with me today, Lord. Amen.

I am in week 7, it was my usual time to spend with the Lord in the adoration chapel where I begin my retreat each week. As I read the words in the "In these or Similar Words" section, I got choked up couldn't get through it reading it silently. I tried reading it aloud and it was worse. I just can't pray the third paragraph to "..let me feel the pain and alienation of being separated from you..."
I have been there before and I never want to be away again. Please God..melt whatever separates me from you, please don't let me walk away ever again. I love to hear your words burning in my heart. It is only through the miracle of you Lord that I am able to see the good in others instead of the faults, that I am able to feel your love for them instead of my own indifference. Please Jesus, I can't stand to feel the pain and alienation of being separated from you. Please draw me close and don't let go.

This retreat truly is becoming the background part of my day, and I didn't even know it. Yesterday at work, we began sharing faith stories, and I was called upon to defend our Faith, to some who profess to be Catholic, but admitted that they don't follow all of Her teachings. It was a moment of exhilaration, joy, and sorrow all mixed into one. How good is our loving God! Then, when I went to Mass later that evening for All Saints Day, I commented to Father, "Doesn't it just make you want to cry sometimes when you stop and ponder upon the awesomeness of our God?!" How grateful I am for all He has given to me-the joys and the sorrows-everything!

I have just started week seven. (How much easier it is to identify the WHAT of my sin than the WHY). So far, although I have not learnt any new facts about Jesus and His love for me, it has been very worthwhile to become immersed in it throughout the week. I had shared the url for the retreat with many in my parish, hoping to be able to go through it with people I knew, so we could discuss it, pray through it, and keep each other accountable. Not even my husband wanted to join me. In many ways, this has been a blessing. I have kept to a flexible timetable, spent 10days on some parts, 4 on others. However, I had not read the sharing of others until yesterday. It is SO reassuring to see that others are praying for all of us on this retreat. I am inspired to do the same. Especially in this confronting section, I need to know that others understand the fear, the guilt, and also the relief that God still loves us. Thank you to all those who have shared, and to those who have prayed. I add my prayers to theirs - for each person on this retreat, and for their families. Sue

Week 7. I live in a retirement community and am coordinating this retreat for residents who do not have computers. We have faith sharing on the 1st and 3td Friday afternoons. So only two persons came to the sharing. But it was great! Several of you were there! After a short prayer, I read some of the sharings These helped us share our own graces. I'm one of the younger residents (71) and the two women who came are much older. They shared how different our sin list becomes as we age. Someone suggest that we could use a booklet --"An Examination of Conscience to Seniors." We all agreed that being crabby, intollerant, judgmental, "tied up in knots" self-pity, and rage are sins we can relate to now! (Andy, are you a senior?) Perhaps on of the older Jesuits on campus could write the book. But as to sharing, one of the women called me last Sunday. She said that she read the retreat guide three times -- it was so beautiful! Then she prayed for half an hour or more. I said that when I connected the dots, I realized that I take God for granted. I take both is forgiveness and his constant help for granted. The other woman said that's because I trust God. Isn't it wonderful when someone puts a better light on our sins! Another woman was moved by Kay's sharing and asked for a print copy. She was especially moved by the line "I realized that I need to spend less time on trying to make myself a better person and more time on asking God's forgiveness and help." -- she probably doesn't have a lot of time left, so she wants to use it well! I really grateful for this opportunity to learn more about the spirituality of older adults. This knowledge will help me to have helpful spiritual conversations --both ways!

The most difficult thing for me to do is to share my weeknesses with with others. When I share my inner most fears, prayers, angers with my husband, we seem to meet me on a level playing field. He knows me so well. He accepts me with gentleness, caring and understanding. He is my sounding board and often tempers my fears and disappointments with gentle acceptance. When I have tried to express myself to others I fear that what I might say would hurt, be judgemental or be misunderstood. As I reread the words that I have written I realize that I have just shared with you a big part of my sinful nature - my pride. Please pray for me.

Yesterday afternoon at work, my spouse called me from home to say a difficult disciplinary incident had just transpired with our 9 year old child, who is intelligent and normally cheerful, and also very headstrong. After discussing the circumstances with my spouse, I spoke briefly with my child, asking what happened, and then saying that I was "very disappointed" in the inappropriate behavior.
Later, at quitting time, and before leaving for home, I went to the On-line Retreat website, in which I have thus far worked my way up to the Week 7 page. There, I came across the prayer titled, "You have brought us together to receive your mercy and grace in our time of need." As I read the prayer over, it occurred to me that it could also serve as a fitting reconciliation prayer that our family could pray at the conclusion of the family discussion we were going to have to have that night over the disciplinary incident.
I made three hardcopies of the prayer and went home. After we finished dinner and homework, we sat together and thoroughly discussed the disciplinary incident, complete with angry-and-honest-but-not-hurtful words, tears, words of apology and forgiveness, and, lastly, the necessary corrective parental instructions. Then, as we continued to sit together, first we each silently read the prayer (so we had a sense of what it contained), and then we read it together aloud.
At the conclusion of our joint reading, no lightning struck or thunder boomed, yet there was a discernable Peace in our midst. Afterward, while preparing for bed, my child still had a few more tears of frustration to shed over the incident as we continued the work of "getting over it."
In this "family healing" work, your On-line Retreat website was the medium of a particular grace from God that helped our family members to reconcile with one another, and to begin again to live as a family united in love and respect for one another.
Thank you, and God bless you all for your work in making this website available to people like me. In our busy world, having a spiritual resource as this available on-demand anytime either a few spare minutes appear or when the Spirit moves us, is a true gift from God.

I just finished week 7. Up to the moment it was the most difficult week to follow. It took me two weeks, because when I finished the first one I felt I still had more to think about. The most important thing was to feel the courage to take the Lord's hand and walk through my failures and limits. I could see this week a pattern of behaviour that was very liberating for my whole life. It is a real grace to be able to follow this retreat, specialy if I think that I am in the Northeast of Brazil!

It's Week 7, and a major breakthrough. For years, I've struggled with my propensity for leaving certain tasks unfinished, and, in some cases, not started at all at both a professional and personal level. The material both last week and especially this week has enabled me to understand the very complex rut that I've found myself stuck in, and, even more importantly, how to get myself out of it.

Week 8

I have a hard time getting excited about forgiveness. There's always the feeling of things not being quite right. I pray to become happy, contented.

I like the idea of doing something this week to lift my spirits, to give enjoyment and peace. What I've decided to do is to "drop the rope" in a longstanding tug of war with an intransigent bully who's caused me years of anxiety and pain.

This retreat is a great idea! May God bless you.

Week 8 I don't want to move on from this week. I haven't "got it" yet or as fully as I want. I feel very childish and needy. I also have a dread of what comes next. like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It helps so much to be able to share honestly.
Many wonderful things have happen for me this week. Time spent with people I love, doing things I love to do. So many nature gifts, I still feel so unworthy. And I see my lack of graditude. How can God love this?
Thanks for letting me share. I will move on to week 9 as I am.

I am always amazed at how profound the human struggle is in experiencing the tension between God's unconditional loving embrace and humanity's overwhelming sense of sinfulness. There is no way of reconciling the two... the tension only reveals the giftedness of God's love. Again and again, I witness the refusal of individuals, including myself at the deepest level, to surrender to the love of God and to let go of our conception of how things work and how God must act. I think this is because of the great vulnerability that comes with accepting God in the fullness of God's "gifting." Often I see individuals who already have God knocking on the doors of their hearts waiting to be welcomed and these individuals know that they have the deepest longing for this God who knocks, but they are just too hurt, too scarred, too afraid to open the door and receive the gift of newness. And as I see this in the people I encounter, I see it too in my own heart especially when I sometimes feel numb to the experiences of life.
Loving God I ask you to keep me open to your freshness, the freshness of life that you offer.

Just when it was suggested that I would have trouble with the week, I relaxed. The picture of the mother hugging her daughter was deeply touching and loving. I have looked at myself and my sins and patterns of sins so much in my life that I suddenly realized that I was more than ready to move into this week. Joy. I felt joy in God's holding me.

I was caught off-guard with the suddenness of my emotions. I knew suddenly how hard it was for me sometimes to feel God holding me--a "penance" I have actually been given--because I so rarely have been able to hold and forgive. My eight babies all died before they were born, so my life is more full of the adults of this world. If they hurt someone, they tend to turn away from them in catholic community, because doing the wrong thing is against the image they want others to have...instead of turning toward them and saying they are sorry. This adult fix on image, especially in catholic community, means that the hurt person doesn't get to feel the joy of the reconciliation. It may be our deepest irony as community. I am stunned with how much I missed the chance to forgive people who want me to just move on, without me having any of the joy of the mother in this picture. All work, no joy. Not fair. But this helped me see just where my struggle has been. I wanted to feel a physical and emotional reconciliation, instead of a long, drawn-out, overworked, heady-ier and underappreciated one. Perhaps some of the people involved don't understand my need because their lives have been so much more full of the physical forgiving with their children in the intimacy of their families. I won't get the reconciliation that would feel so good to me, but perhaps now I understand what I need more of for the future, even if I don't get it. I do understand why the image was given to me as a penance, and why it is the image I need to keep handy.

I am in the middle of week 8. This has been a difficult few weeks for me; I have struggled looking especially at the patterns of my sins and trying to understand shame as opposed to guilt. This week has been a great comfort to me because I am feeling the forgiveness, acceptance, and love of Jesus through the time I spend in the retreat. I am grateful to Jesus for being with me all day whether I am conscious of His Presence or not; when I choose (or am nudged) to call Him to mind, I feel the joy of being embraced by the embodiment of Love. My prayer is to become more and more present to Jesus throughout the day without being nudged.

This eighth week has not been as easy to do as the previous weeks since it was just hard for me to "feel" the love and forgiveness of the Lord. There is a song titled "The Silence and the Sorrow" and one part of a line in it is "how a heart could love without conditions" Without looking at the context of this line, the line by itself took on new meaning for me in the midst of a very difficult situation. I would like to share a story about that situation. Recently, I found myself in a situation where I was in some hot water because of choices that I had made and the way that I had interpreted some information. I was meeting with the person above me but below where the hot water was coming from (I will call this person John, which is not the individual's name). I had not done anything recently to provide a good image of myself before John and in fact had done (or failed to do) some things that easily could have tarnished my image with him. However, John rather was very kind to me and helped me, even trying to determine if there was any way that the blame could be placed with him which might get me out of the hot water. I tied this line from the song with the actions and words of John. While I know that he is not perfect, at that moment his kindness and concern was exactly what I needed. It is said that we need to be Christ for one another, the hands and feet of Christ on earth, and I believe that in this situation, John was Christ for me. In his words he showed me in this particular situation love without condition. His response to this situation caused me to feel a sense of inner joy and awe. I likened it to the love without condition that God must have for me. It has been difficult for me to transfer this feeling to the love of God but I think that perhaps God allowed me to experience it in relation to another human as a gift and as a step to one day feel it in relation to God. I believe that God was not separate from this situation but right in the midst of it so in a way it is the unconditional love of God at work in my life.

The mercy of God is like the calm sea and the wind in the palms. It is like the morning light that highlights the mountains covered with tropical rain clouds. The mercy of God brings peace and is awesomely beautiful. It is the joy of paradise. It is a world teaming with life. It is what allows me to thrive because within God’s mercy his love is the most clear to me.

I secretly have prayed for joy in my life from the Holy Spirit, and even wrote that request down a few months back before I started this request. I need to experience the all embracing love of Jesus in my life and to know that all will be well. I live with a very critical spouse, one who holds on to past injuries and has a proverbial mind like an elephant when it comes to remembering and pointing out my faults. It is so needed for me to feel that I can be forgiven and loved unconditionally, because there are so many conditions that we all seem to put on each other. I pray to experience the great embrace and complete peace of knowing that I AM LOVED.

A few images have been coming to me this week, that have touched me . The first image that I thought about when I saw the mother , embrace her daughter was that of a picture that I took of my own father embracing my brother. It was on my Dad's 75th birthday and it was a picture of such emotion and true love. My Dad was not a demonstrative man , but very deep feeling, to capture that picture said more than words can say.

The second image that came to me was on the day my grandmother died, as I was at her bedside. As she took her last gasping breath, she held her arms out as if in an embrace with someone , someone who was calling her home. It really made me feel that it was God embracing her and welcoming her home.

The image of Jesus running to greet me after all my missteps, failings and sins, did indeed bring a powerful image. I don't often think about how happy God is to see me , I need to stay with this image of God being gleefully happy at my coming home.

How powerful! Thank You for bringing that image to me.

A prayer
Give me a thankful heart.
Give me a forgiving spirit.
Give me an openness to Your love through Your creation.
Make me in your likeness and image and may my discomfort and dismay at
not being like you lead me to greater closeness with you.
Amen

I am sooo grateful for my parents. They were great human models for unconditional love, Of course, they were sometimes disappointed in things we did, but they were always encouraging us to try again. I didn't feel they were keeping score of the number of times we fell short of expectations. I didn't feel they were going to mete out punishment in kind for shortcomings.

I agree again with a previous statement made during this retreat. We don't get up in the morning with intent to do evil. We try our best to meet needs as we see them with resources as we see them and hopefully learn from those around us or from consequences of our actions about better ways of acting. Scary is that many people get their "concept" of God from their parents or authority figures that are far from Loving, Forgiving, Caring Teachers.

Thank you God for my parents. Help me to be a loving, caring, forgiving person. Let me look to Your Son and the many humans you have sent to show what that loving person looks like in real life. Keep me seeking You each day every day in the world you have given me for a purpose. Help me to see that purpose and work to fulfill it.
Miracle do happen in Faith filled lives, B.C and A.D.

I am in the midst of week 8. Thank you for this resource. "Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me." I live in a block of appartments for which I very reluctantly am forced by circumstances to take the responsibility of administering. I receive nothing but backbiting and criticism for my efforts, in particular over the years from an elderly lady who is nice to my face and actively runs me down to others behind my back. I have found this very difficult to deal with, but with God's help, I remain outwardly courteous and friendly to everyone despite their lack of reciprocation. It constantly pops into my mind and is very hurful and painful. I dream of paybacks, but fortunately with God's help they remain as dreams. I have sinned extensively and constantly throughout my life at a very serious level and I am realising that despite this God loves me as I am. Others couldn't "If You O Lord laid bare my guilt, I couldn't endure it". When I reflect upon my sinfullness and compare it with the above problems I am experiencing, I am reminded of "Focussing on the speck in my brothers eye with never a thought for the plank in my own". Lord I thank You for Your forgiveness. Help me to forgive and keep me free from sin so that my I might live in praise of You.

Half way through Week 8, and ‘coincidentally’ approaching Passion Sunday. What a combination! Today’s (Friday’s) readings fit the theme of the week so well. Jeremiah calls on the Lord to rescue him from the hands of his oppressors, and the Psalmist thanks Him for protecting him from harm. Then, in the Gospel, Christ Himself escapes the wrath of his enemies. This has been a hard week for me because I struggle so to forgive myself my repeated transgressions and wonder how long the Lord can put up with me. Then I hear the daily readings, and begin to understand how longsuffering God is. Thanks be to Him for His mercy. Give me the grace of perseverance.

I am beginning the 8th week of this retreat. I took time to read the sharing of others for this week. I am experiencing so many of the same thoughts and feelings. I have many health problems that would cause concern in anyone, but I only feel peace. I know it has to be this retreat that is part of that peace. I always think that I'm not getting as much as I should, or maybe I should say not giving as much as I should to the retreat. But always when I get to the next week I see that I have experienced what was the purpose of the exercise. Thank you so much for the opportunity to experience the spiritual exercises at home. Like so many others, I too want to remember in prayer the others taking this retreat, and all of you who give so much for us.

I feel so loved by God and others as I meditate on the picture of Mom & daughter embraced in great love. God is so loving and patient with me. I see my life with so much to forgive and find it very hard but I believe that with God's grace I will be able to forgive with all my heart just like I am forgiven by God and others who love me and also by those that don't love me. As I start my 8th week I begin to feel this great peace. Thank you LORD for your merciful love for me and others.

Thank you God for loving me as I am, and not as I want to be.

On Sunday, the first day of week 8 in church, Confessing to God that I have been a sinner , I was surprise to realize that I just recited a prayer like a sinner habitually not a true sinner with the remorse from my heart. In the middle of the week when I saw the tree that has few leaves because of the cold through the window, the naked tree is thought to be much like me in front of God. Strangely Instead of being ashamed , that made me feel free and humble. that didn't discourage me. And I thought that when spring comes again, God will give my tree pretty leaves as He does the tree. But the leaves of my tree is likely to have shapes and colors that My God wants to give. So God, whose Mercy and Love have no condition and limit, will lead me to walk in His ways. God will rejoice at my changed mind like the mother of the picture.

Week 8 was to be a special week but I was not "together" as I would have liked to be. I prayed but I was scattered. It was not easy to let myself be loved - my head knew it but it was not reaching my heart. The embrace of the mother was a great help and I tried to feel my Father/Mother embracing me and whispering that all was well. It did not come easily but i will continue into this week. There were times when I could feel the prayers of all of you and i in turn prayed for you. May we all continue in peace.

The wonderful picture of my little girl asleep on Saturday morning fitted into this week's thoughts beautifully. I still cannot believe that God could love me enough to entrust us (my husband and I) with caring for a child! The picture of the embrace (8) sums everything up. God has given so much to me over the years that gratitude seems insufficient. When one is so imperfect it is impossible to conceive of loving forgiveness that is so perfect and makes for humility. This retreat is making me think about so much and is a wonderful way of incorporating God into a very busy life as a phys ician, wife and above all a mother.

I'm beginning week 8. I want to experience God's merciful love. I want to smile and live in the joy of being a forgiven sinner. The last six weeks or so have been difficult. I've revisited old pain at a deeper level. It's been very painful. I know this is where Jesus has led me because He wants to heal me. He has also given me wonderful reassurances of His love. But the pain is still there. I've become aware again of how sensitive I am, how hard I work to be what I'm supposed to be, to not be what I am. I don't like being highly sensitive with such needs to belong, to be accepted, to be reassured. I fight these tendencies because I want to be strong, to not need reassurance. I want to get a new job, to get away from a very critical boss, but apparently it's God's will I stay where I am because I've been passed over for several vacancies. I trust God. If He wants me here, it's to heal me. I hope and pray that I can relax into His merciful love and smile with the joy of knowing I am a forgiven sinner, that He loves me and made me this way because He loves me like this.

I am beginning week 8. The remarkable timing of this lesson this week overwhelms me. As I sat printing out the materials with the photo of the mother embracing her daughter, I was waiting with anticipation for my daughter to return from her weekend retreat. Waiting to embrace her and welcome her home.
As I waited, I read that this was a week .."to surrender to God's embrace.." I rejoice that I am finally at a point where I can do that, something I would have never been able to even a few months ago. This retreat has helped me with self acceptance and I have been undeservedly blessed by caring people in my spiritual life who believe in progressive healing. They have been the arms of Jesus here on earth who embraced me and encouraged me when I felt worthless.
Later that night I went to see the beautiful dramatic presentation by the Franciscan mystery players. In the play, when Jesus embraced the leper, I knew just how the leper felt! I am so grateful! I have the physical muscle memory of being hugged, hands being laid on me and being embraced. I now am able to do the same for others and my heart is so full, so overflowing with love in the new ministries God has put in my path. Praise God for his compassion and mercy! I thank God for everyone involved in this retreat, and for those who believe in the ministry of healing.

I am in the middle of week 8 of the retreat. I am at a time in my life where it is difficult for me to truly believe that I am completely forgiven and embraced by God. The reason for that is because I was recently hurt by a situation that involved my pastor. I feel betrayed by the church and people that I have felt close to. It was like a suprise punch in the stomach. I did not leave the church as some thought that I might. But I do feel anger and even resentment for what has happened. Part of me wants to let go of the anger but an even greater part of me wants to hold on to that anger and nurse my feelings of hate and anger. How can God truly forgive me when I am not really willing to turn from my sin of anger. Even in Confession, I must intend to change my life and turn away from my sin before I can approach God to forgive me. I do not yet feel that I want to work toward getting away from these feelings but in a sad way want to nurse them. It is only such a small part of me that is seeking to reconcile and forgive. Yet, I suppose that it is that same small part of me that truly knows that God is embracing me in his loving arms of forgiveness. Please pray for me.

I'm now in week 8. Amazing, but I find this week a little harder to concentrate on than previous weeks. Perhaps being Catholic it was easier for me to focus on my sins than simply baske in God's love. I am trying to thank the Lord at every moment this week and make that my center. I pray for everyone on this retreat ... that the Lord will guide us and we will be open to receiving His grace.

This is week 8 and my week to imagine myself in God's loving embrace. It started out well, I was able to do it. Then I got the phone call that the doctor was unable to get a heartbeat and my friend's baby was dead in the womb a few weeks before it was due to be born. In my spirit I know that God is now embracing this tiny baby. But in my flesh, my heart is breaking. I have prayed for this baby and his mother for months now and I love them both. Please God, help this family. Please God, let me continue to trust you despite the tears I am shedding and the terrible pain.

The Online Retreat continues to bring wonderful gifts. As I write this, it is the 3rd anniversary of the death of my father. The last 2 weeks in the retreat (8) the story from Luke 15 of the prodigal son has been among the readings. I love this parable because the father shows unconditional love for his son, and it always reminds me of how my own father would have reacted in that situation.

I am well aware that I am fortunate to have had a father who loved deeply and was committed to his family the way my father was. And I am more aware than ever that my Father in heaven gives an even more immense love. I am grateful for my father, for this retreat and chance to share, and for my connection to God that is being strengthened every day.

I am in my 8th week and am basking in God's love..

I have always felt somewhat connected to God and the Church but there was this gap that I could not seem to close. I had been praying for the grace to close the gap and I was blessed in finding this wonderful retreat which is bringing me closer to Jesus and filling my life with more meaning and happiness. It has taken me 73 years and the journey has gone in many directions but thanks to Jesus, St. Ignatius and you folks at Creighton things are definitely looking up and I will continue to pray and work to stay close to Jesus.

I pray for all my Brothers and Sisters who are participating in this Retreat that we may all experience the love of God. Thanks again for this spiritual experience.

I've been thinking that I need to share something. I am in my 8th week of this retreat. I don't think I have missed one night in getting on the internet and trying to find out what God is saying. I make copies of the sections recomended so that I can pick up the pages at any time during the day to feel some closeness to God. I am still in an isolated situation with my dementia husband. I believe some of the anger I have felt for putting myself in this position has been healed, silently, but still healed.

Some of the sharing I have viewed by others seems so eloquent and I almost envy what some of the sharers are experiencing. Some of the daily Scriptures have given me insight into some of my own sinfulness, but while we have a Eucharistic Chapel at our church, I am not able to visit there.

Thank you very much for this retreat program. It came to me at a time when I know God was ready for me to have more of Him. I enjoyed the Advent Season immensly. Several times during the season, I should have written to those who furnish their meditations. The pregnancy of Mary and Elizabeth became very real to me and I could relate to my own pregnancy of Advent and the difficulties I encountered along the way.

I read the pages on sharing tonight, because I would like to remember each person who is trying this retreat in my prayers. I have met many who have never experienced retreat. I hope that everyone who begins will somehow find a way of finishing. It is beyond my wildest desires to know what I will eventually experience before the end -- 34 weeks. Somehow I don't want the period to end. I am looking forward to beginning the ninth week this coming Saturday. I change my wallpaper each week. I didn't think of the picture for this week as being Jesus loving me, but I related it to me hugging my daughter. One time I was holding one of my young grandsons at Mass. And I experienced so much love for him, that at that moment, I knew that that is how much God loves me. It is good to know that He always loves us even when we seem to be failing at life. I do keep a journal, but this info will not be in it and I thank you a lot for allowing me to just ponder what it is God has going for me. I think I feel you listening. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

As I read Tom Shanahan's words (8) I thought of my own long-standing image of a punishing God. As a 45-year-old cradle Catholic, I tended to attribute my negative images of God to my 1960s Catholic upbringing and schooling. With the help of this retreat, though, I'm becoming very aware that I am responsible for my sinful patterns (like blaming others for my faults, like rationalizing my sins rather than confronting them and recognizing them as rebellious acts against a loving God), and most of all I'm becoming continually more aware of the daily presence of Jesus, a loving Lord and Friend who has not, will not abandon me.

Thank you, Lord, for speaking to me this morning. I have just started week eight. I paused as I read the part in "Getting Started" suggesting I sit and immerse myself in that embrace. It wasn't easy. A song came into my head: "Purify my heart, let it be as gold and precious silver". Yes, I do aim for purity, for rightness before God. My purity is white, crystal clear. Cold, hard. Imagining the embrace, I became aware that God wants me to be Gold, not White/clear. Soft, warm, loving. How can I value that embrace without feeling love in return to God, to my family? That's what God wants me to learn this week. I've a long way to go, but with God's help...
Then, I read on... Smile? Done! Recall a song? Done! Don't you love it when God's plans come together?
Blessings, Sue

I am so thankful for this retreat online. I have always wanted to make this retreat and was only able to do it once. I am in the 8th week today and when I saw the picture and read the "Getting Started" I was filled with joy because at the end of last week I had an image of Jesus holding me just like in the picture. I do feel I am on a journey and at times I feel alone, buy my faith is the one constant in my life that keeps me going. It is good to know so many people are taking the time and doing the retreat I will ask you all to pray for me as I will pray for you.

The Retreat Sharing Home Page - Online Retreat