Cliché: “You must be
strong for your children (spouse, relatives, friends, etc).”
Instead, try: Why not share your feelings
with your children? Perhaps you can lean on one another and help support
each other.
Cliché: “You’ve got to get hold of yourself.”
Instead, try: “It must be so hard
to keep going when you’re hurting so much.”
Cliché: “You are holding up so well.”
Instead, try: “Would it help to
talk about how you’re feeling?”
Cliché: “Time will heal.”
Instead, try: “You must feel as
if this pain will never end.”
Cliché: “You’re young, and you will be able to make
a new life for yourself.”
Instead, try: “You must miss your loved one and the life you had
together; I do, too.”
| What to Say |
What Not
to Say |
| I’m sorry. |
I understand how you feel. |
| I’m sad for you. |
Death was a blessing. |
| How are you doing with all this? |
It was God’s will. |
| I don’t know why it happened. |
It all happened for the best. |
| What can I do for you? |
You’re still young. |
| I’m here and I want to listen. |
You have your whole life ahead of
you. |
| Please tell me what you are feeling. |
You can have other children. |
| This must be hard for you. |
You can always remarry. |
| What’s the hardest part for
you? |
Call me when I can help. |
| I’ll call tomorrow. |
Something good will come of this. |
| You must really be hurting. |
At least you have another child. |
| It isn’t fair, is it? |
She/he led a full life. |
| You must really feel angry. |
It’s time to put it behind
you. |
| Take all the time you need. |
Be strong! |
Courtesy, Archdiocese of Omaha,
Family Life Office
