Week 1 - Part 1

When completing Week 1…I was startled at the great amount of sin in my life. My only small consolation is my age…74 on December 26th.  Much of my sinful ways have been and today continue to be Habitual in nature.  

When I was not drowned out by the magnitude of sinful ways, I was delighted by the never-ending blessings of God.  The start of Week II was like a second chance.  I missed several significant people and events in my life.  I had no focus and direction on sorting out events, as we’ve all now discovered by the directions and suggestions of Week II.  - Francesco

Coming to the end of week 1 there’s an article on crisis you give. I have been specifically unwell so at 85 the comments there on facing death are pertinent indeed. They make me unafraid and give me courage as I face more tests this coming week.  Also gratitude for grace this week in understanding how I am loved, by God, my husband and my son who lives with us. Caring, consoling and comforting all the while. Great journey in understanding this week. Also reading the sharing of others at the end of this first week is a bonus as I make the retreat alone. It’s lovely to have their company as I go along. The initiative of this online retreat is amazing! Be not afraid, wait and see is the hallmark! God bless everyone. Pat

My name is Pat.
I have shared twice so far in wk 1. I have been praying all this time the suscipe, asking for You to give me my love of You, Lord.  Reading further the given readings, psalms and Peter van Bremen’s notes on acceptance, in my frailty I have missed the point! Because of rejection issues at birth, this damaged person doesn’t fundamentally believe that she is loved first and foremost by God who brought her into being! So, ‘only give me Your Love and your Grace, for that is sufficient for me’. Belief in this and in being Your creation Lord is a mighty revelation, a healing. You say, ‘ask and you shall receive, knock and the door will be opened, seek and you will find’.   Behold, You say, I stand at the door of your heart, let Me in, for I love you and you are precious in My eyes. Thank You, Lord let me believe and place all my trust in You. Let me stand aside and stop getting in Your Way, wilful me. God bless everyone making this retreat.

Week 1: Early in my youth I read a book by Taylor Caldwell called The Listener.  I was intrigued by the need for each person to be seen and heard in their authentic being.  As I drew closer to God during good and bad times, this calling to become a listener to others deepened.  I was drawn to develop my skills for listening so I could listen to others through Hospice volunteering, then Stephen’s Ministry and eventually to support parents of AIDS patients as well as the patients themselves.  I was devastated by my firstborn son’s death from complications of AIDS in 1986.  In my grieving, I truly endorsed becoming the Wounded Healer, so eloquently written of by a favorite author, Henry Nouwin.   My woundedness became a grace, to be used for the greater honor and glory of God.  I related well to Mary as she mourned the loss of her son.  We were both mothers who deeply loved our human sons.  What a cherished gift from God, to be given children that we can love unconditionally - which also helps me to know myself as a cherished daughter of Christ. 

More week 1. In bed now with sprained ankle. Lovely day outside. Windows opened wide. Ignatian spirituality on internet today, re day dreaming. Plenty of that as dozing on. Further down the line from babyhood. I see more clearly, down the years from 85! Where as a baby born and poor mother not wanting and caring for her, made trying to make her happy affected my whole life before she died, poor thing. Marrying where money was to support her, buying her a house, giving up our own home and providing for her until father died. Good advice Benedictine monk. If she ever became ill, not to be responsible for her care. Left it to brother to choose nursing home after she had a stroke. Day dreaming reveals forgiving and understanding relationships. The call to conversion at 19 was another divine intervention, enabling me to fulfil my desire for others, especially those on the margins. Manifest now in my youngest child as he recovers, through prayer, to healing from drug and alcohol addiction. He has always reverenced the poor and homeless. In addiction, lived with them on the streets. Now he is a blessing, defying all my mother’s curse that I would end up alone, unloved by my children. He cares for me and my husband with such loving care. Love to all as I make the retreat alone and blessings on all of you serving us in the Society of Jesus plus, of course, your associates! Amazing how starting this retreat again opens up the heart from the head. Thank you. Pat

My name is Francesco from Dixon, CA.  It’s OK to use my name.  I’ll turn 74 on December 26th, 2021. I’ve been a Creighton University Daily Reflections Website User for quite some time. 
               On the Feast of Saint John Chrysostom, 13 Sep 2021, I clicked on the “Invitation to Join the Retreat” thinking that it would be “Brand New”…but after recognizing that I had already done it many years ago…I felt  disappointed. But then I had a Sudden Discernment…It WAS “Brand New!!!” It was around ten years ago that I first made the retreat online…Now I’m 74 years OLD….and 74 years NEW.
               After my New Outlook, I realized that God was giving me this gift at just the right time.  I’m confident that the Retreat…this Go-round…will help me overcome my Various Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Challenges.

                                                      God Bless Creighton’s Many Reflecting Souls

Start of retreat 12 September.
This is the second time of making this retreat!
A bit different. No resentment now at recollections of being unwanted child Created in mother’s womb by God Himself!
Poverty of mother understood. It was she who needed me to comfort and sustain her throughout her life, not the other way round!
Memory’s vivid lasting recall, sustaining and comforting me throughout my life, of the little child, crying in her bed, overshadowed by invisible Presence, felt and touched, embraced and loved. All despite being a miserable sinner, guiding me throughout life’s journey. Realisation along the way, falling, being picked up, carried, cared for, lost, found, brought back into the fold, yet again straying over and over being a wilfull  wanderer. Never neglected, but reminded always, when crying out, that I am a sinner, great, yes but overall, loved by a living God, reminding me to pray for the good of all God’s created creatures in the whole of His Creation!
Thanksgiving wells up inside the whole of my being.
How shall I repay the Lord for all these blessings? I will take up my cross and follow Him all the rest of my days.
Thank you

I have a mood disorder, and I'm stable, but my spiritual director recommended that I go back to Week 1 and recall the times when I knew God's love for me.

Two things came to mind today. The first is a memory of being six years old, outside my Sunday School classroom. I heard a clear question in my head: "Are you going to care, or not?" In that moment I chose to care. To me, it meant doing what God wants me to do. It has been the first defining moment of my life.

The second is that I used to sit in my room and read the Bible. I am adopted, and I was remembering how consoled I felt about the reading from Romans about God giving us a spirit of adoption. That has always made me feel equal to every other child of God. We're all adopted, and it's not "weird" to be adopted into the family of Christ.

I was really surprised to read that very reading this morning. It made me feel very loved and a precious child of God.

In the first week, I began with memories of teachers who had a positive effect in my life: Sister Lorretta, Sr Jean Mary;  Brother Damian;  Br. Patrick Terrance;  Br. John Dunning. In another moment, I recalled some painful times in childhood;   the relocation to another State; loss of friends; and diffculites in early adolescence.

The desire is for  silence. 
There is a desire for clarity and focus.
There is a desire for  assistance in decision-making regarding  priorities in life at this time.

Week One
Retreat Friends,
Here is the sharing of my reflections for this first week.  It was a week graced by God.  I was loved into creation and continue to be every day. I am from love.  My God has been  with me for my entire life, and this week I became more aware of His loving presence in particular memories of my life whether I was aware of Him at the time or not, whether I was turned towards Him or away.  My attitude and actions had no bearing on his presence and love for me in my life.   He was there and will always be with me.  I am blessed with a childhood that included being part of a loving family and my God continues to bless me. His love and presence and these blessings have fortified me to serve him in the ways he asks.  God is with me and loving me more than I can truly imagine!  I am so truly grateful for every moment because He was there loving me!
KW

I have just completed the First Week. It wasn't like going through a chronologically organised photo album of my life but more like taking photos out of several shoeboxes. Images and memories would come from different periods of my life. I was surprised to find that even painful incidents no longer have a painful impact on me as I recall them now - I remember feeling pain, anger, fear - but I no longer relive those highly fraught feelings. In going back over the last 12 months, I was also astonished to realise how many good things have happened to me - people that God led me to encounter and the events that came about following these encounters which have made such a positive difference to my life.

When I began this retreat last week I had a great sense of peace and also of anticipation. It seemed that I was setting out on a 34 week journey with God and it could only be good. I have a strong sense of trust and believe that my loving God is always present.
Gratefully, Colleen - Week 1

Week 1 was filled with many graces in walking through my life. I reflected on my development in a different way than I have before. I have always been aware of the blessings of my life but discovered some new things about an under current feeling of fear and not good enough. Along with that though, I could clearly see how God wove people in my life to love and encourage me. My struggles of fear and anxiety actually contributed to a special gift of empathy and understanding for others. It reminds me of the Scripture, Romans 8:28 , "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. I believe that and have experienced that. But the week’s reflections helped me accept myself and step deeper in trust and acceptance of God’s love…especially when I go through times of suffering and uncertainty in my life and in the lives of those whom I love. - Week 1

Yes, my journey is onward to get closer each day to God and Christ. As mentioned, in the weekly guide.., this online version places simple exercise and with humility, it becomes a Habit of the Heart.., morning and evening examen prayers. Scripture Reading, Meditation, Contemplative Prayers--make up my Daily Journal, A Call Of Jesus. -- Thank you. Blessings. Manny - Week 1

If Anyone needed proof they were not in control, this week should give them that proof. I write this as the wildfires in Gatlinburg, TN are being brought under control while, simultaneously, thunderstorms and tornado warnings have filled the airways all night long. The rain that puts out fires is the same rain that floods farmer's fields and restores our water table (no rain in 4 months). Thunder just shook my house and lightening lights the sky. I pray it does not ignite more fires. All these things are part of living on God's planet Earth. Are we prepared to take care of it? The eighth corporal work of "Mercy" : take care of your home, Earth.

Thanks for inspiring material. For all that my life has been gratitude is the only response. Looked at old photos of family and saw one of me age five standing next to my brother's big bike. Was I thinking how I wished to grow fast so I could ride a big bike? Years go by too fast, often I neglect to see the gift of years. Why? Perhaps the pains and problems overshadow the joys. - Liz

I began the Online Retreat today for the first time and it made me go down the sad memory lane of my early childhood (viz. From around the age of 5). From my early days I missed togetherness in my family; we were always separated from each other, the five siblings and the parents, mainly due to financial constraints. I hardly saw my father although my mother and one other sibling was with me at that time accepting the generosity of food and lodging from a maternal aunt. But it was not my home. I never had any books to read or toys to play with and sadly looked around while others at my age enjoyed what a 5 year old would normally long for. As I grew up my life was no better as it continued from one sad story to another and it is too long to pen. But since I started having a daily journey and a relationship with the Lord my God, I know that He was there right through it all and that it was meant to be according to His Will and not mine. I say Amen to that as He has taken me through all the hardships and heartaches and continue to do so. I only know that HE IS ALIVE, not only with me, but IN ME. So, I thank and Praise You my Lord and my God! - Week 1

REMEMBERING MY LIFE: The Lord immediately showed me being in the womb- right before delivery- He reminded me of how I had heard His voice- saying it’s almost time to go (I immediately got sad and wanted to cry- I like it there) I had so many familiar sounds smells tastes lights - but the voice said I didn’t tell you- you were leaving so you would be sad I told you so you could be ready when the time came and look around now and remember- you won’t be back here the same way ever again. so I spent that night (I don't know if it was 1 night - or days) remembering all I could- saying goodbye- until all were repeating goodbyes- UNTIL: I was basically pushed- forced out of the safe womb-and then I heard them all cheering me on again you can do (I believe was one of them calling to me) BIG IDEA: How like that is of this time in my life- formerly comfortable at church- raising hands, singing/worship and prayer even prayer in heavenly language yet...God wants to take me deeper -into the heavenly realm /ascending. REVELATION: So as the womb was one world away /one layer from the exact same world yet so different- (same Mom voice when I was in the womb) but now same Mom still there only now more dimensions to Mom ! and so on you get the idea… HOW DOES THAT RELATE?: Just like the womb was inches yet a WORLD from being out side of it so is the kingdom of heaven-  It’s right there- yet we have to step into it. Wonderful contemplative time!
Thank you - Bonnie - Week 1

Looking back on my past is painful. I do not like doing it. However, I have felt I was always alone. Now I realize God was with me protecting me, comforting me and helping me heal. If I had not gone through so much pain, I would not be this strong and have such a strong faith. I pray every morning. Father “Use me till I am all used up.” I always hope to learn to think like God does.

I so enjoy my early mornings with the Lord! I thank Him for the blessings He has placed in my life. I one point I could not grasp “joy”, the essence of the word escaped. Searching to know His joy in my life, I read, prayed, listened and accepted that He did give it to me. I now rest in His peace and joy. He lives in me!

I wasn't always nice to my husband in the beginning of our marriage. I used his being an alcoholic as an excuse for my behavior. He always seen the best in me and pushed the worst of me to the side. I think God helped him do that. We are still married today and we love each other so much. I can't believe he stayed with me thru all the bad times. It's a real miracle. When those memories of our early marriage come to the surface I break down because I still haven't learned how to accept them and move past them. But God helps me along the way and holds my hand thru those memories.

This week helped me to take step 3 of the 12 Steps of Al-Anon. (The parallels between Ignatian Spirituality and the 12 steps are known, starting with Father Dowling and Bill W.) The insight (I think from one of the supporting links.) is that surrendering myself to Christ is the path to happiness and fulfillment, to being my true self.

As I begin these first weeks of the exercises, I long to feel acceptance.   I long to feel like I am truly and totally someone who is unreservedly accepted by God. 

While I faithfully accept this truth about God, I place limits on that acceptance intellectually.   Mostly because I am insecure and under confident.   Looking back on my life I will discover why I am so, where God has been in that suffering and where God will lead me out of this despair and into a new way of living, being and belonging. - Week 1

Amazing grace continues to fall from this online retreat. I do not share much because I am still so ego bound, if mostly in a negative manner. I love St. Ignatius, but must confess wariness of many of his disciples, as the evil of relativism pounds on the churches door. I also know that St. Ignatius and my life saving teachers, Fr. Saint-Jure and St. Colombiere, would tell to be anxious about nothing, trust in Jesus, and surrender your life to the Holy Spirit. This is my deepest desire today and this retreat is great blessing toward that desire. Thank you. I pray for all the retreatants and ask for your prayers. - Week 1

I remember how my mother used to be so stern and disapproving of almost everything I did. She was such a brutal disciplinarian. I looked at my sons, and I realize I am in a unique position to understand childhood and parenthood. I often find myself behaving like my mother towards my sons. I realize that I am sometimes guilty of making my children feel inadequate, insecure, unloved. And I realize my mother loved me so much, wanting only the best standards for me, hoping to shape me up to be the best I can be. My old pain and feeling of inadequacy cannot be denied, and I shouldn't allow my sons to feel that from me. But the love I have for them also cannot be denied, and I'm sure my mother felt the same. Only by making them feel loved and secure can I encourage them to become the best they can be, something all parents want for their children.

I remember how my father used to spend time with me, fishing, talking. I looked up to him, wanting so badly to idolize him, but seeing nothing more than his drinking and fighting with my mother. He was a great inspirational speaker, though he didn't work on it much after leaving the religious community he and my mother eventually took part in. I was young, I didn't see the quiet heroism of his working everyday, the silent agonizing of being away from his family, of seeing us grow without his guidance. Being a father now, and fiercely proud of my sons, and willing to do anything to see them grow up whole and capable, I can be more compassionate towards what I perceived to be my father's seeming absence and shortcomings when I was young. I can forgive his fits of anger and his harsh words.

RM - Week 1

I wasn’t wanted by my parents, so facing this cold fact was not something I wanted to do.  However, it ties in with acceptance.  Deep in my core I need to embrace the truth that God wanted me, and still wants me.  God accepted me, and still accepts me. - Week 1

I am completing my first full week. It does take some work and it has been a bit of a challenge to be present to God's Presence in the background, though there have been moments! This morning's Eucharist was a moment of awareness and communion. - Week 1

This is the third time I have gone through The Retreat in the Real World.  Each time  is  a different experience.   Different images from my past came up for me as I was allowing God to show me the photo book of my life.  I was particularly struck with one image of a very frightening time when my husband was in the absolute depths of despair, pain and depression.  I almost lost him.   But I absolutely knew God was with him and with me at that moment and at that time and we were not alone.  I knew it then, and I recalled it now with such certainty that it reinforced the prayer of gratitude that I have been speaking this first week Thanking God for being with me at every moment, in joy and in sorrow, in moments of confusion and fear and despair and  in moments of peace and consolation.  Thank you to the people at Creighton University for providing this retreat.

Nancy - Week 1

As I finish up week 1 I returned to find the sharing page.  How lovely it is for me at 68 to know that others in my age range have had similar pasts.
My courage and faith are being strengthened--thanks be to God!
I have a hole in my brain and in my heart and I am asking Jesus to fill me up.
My faith tells me that His will be done and he wishes good for me.
I pray to be a better wife, mother and Catholic.
Holy Spirit abide with me and guide me home.
I pray for reconciliation for my crazy family and healing for my husband, and especially for graces for my son who has never developed a spiritual sense.  They are good people, confused and mistrustful.
May I be led to help them by example and love them as God loves me--100% , all of the time.
Amen - Week 1

I feel so fortunate to have had the parents that I had - the first ones to have taught me about God's love. Loving people. I thank Him daily for this blessing. My daughter-in-law is a case worker at a children's home. Children abused or neglected. Their stories must be horrendous. It makes me so grateful for my mom and dad and the childhood I had. - Week 1

Thinking of my childhood, I recalled something I haven't thought about in years. That is opening the Sunday bulletin and finding my name listed as altar boy for the daily 6:30am mass. At the time I thought my mother volunteered me as some sort of punishment. 
No one from my family would attend the mass, so I got a ride from a neighbor. An old man who gave me the creeps.  

The mass was held in a small room and attended very poorly.  Often times it was just Father, the creepy neighbor and I there. So the service didn't last long.  I'd get home before anyone else was awake.  Painful for a teenager. 

Looking at it now, I can see God's Grace in this. I learned at a very young age that God is in the quiet still times of the day.  Whether I knew it or not, I was being exposed to God's word, God's spirit and Godley men. 

Grace. - Week 1

I have just begun my first week of the retreat and am truely excited.  I plan to share my thoughts along the way so I can look back at them after the 34 week journey and reflect on them.  This week is special in looking at my life's story beginning from the beginning.  I now realize that God was present and responsible for all my experiens during my life, good and bad.  I give thanks to God for being with my through every second of my life, from before birth to this day.  I pray I am aware of Gods presence in my life today and everyday going forward, and allow God to guide my life as he has in the past.  May his will be done in my life and during this journey...  Jay - Week 1

Going through the teens and adulthood, after the lovely graces of childhood received on day 1, despite being an unwanted child, now comes flooding through, awareness of being loved by the Lord, all the way through. As St. Paul says my desire to be constant in the love for Him is not, nor has been, as I would have desired.

Therefore, there is a dichotomy on reflection, realising that Acceptance of self as a sinner, loved by the Lord is the Way.

His mercy, love and forgiveness for all those memories recalled in detail is the grace for today. Thanks be to God.

Pat - Week 1

Let’s thank God for the good people at Creighton University who make this opportunity available.
Last spring I went through a shorter version of this Ignatian retreat, the eight week form. (Well, it took me like sixteen weeks to get through it…) I’m experiencing a mixture of excitement and trepidation as I set out on the complete version. But God was with me last spring, and he’ll be with me—and all of us—as we embark on this pilgrimage. I’ll pray for all of you. Please pray for me.

Peter - - Week 1

Hello,
I will start to do this retreat next week. I will be happy to share with others.
Thanks
Nariman - Week 1

anticipating….
Peace and Good,Craig - Week 1

I am taking this retreat to help me adjust to my recovery from bladder cancer. I am a Deacon for the last 39 years. I hope to get help in my life. -Al - Week 1

I am so glad that I found this retreat and found it right at the perfect time to begin.  I completed an 8 week retreat over the summer and was looking for something, then found this one last Thursday – just in time to begin this with the Liturgical year.  I am so excited as I know I needed something to guide me through some major changes that are happening in my life as well as in my family.  Thank you for having gotten this out and available! - Week 1

The piece from Peter Van Breeman was just what I needed.  It really drives home the point that I have read and heard other places but haven't fully appropriated.  He even says that it takes a long time to believe that I am accepted by God as I am.  Maybe it's the way that he uses the term "accepted."  My family of origin often talked about how much they loved me.  But it was a dysfunctional family.  I'm sure that they loved me as best they could, but they did not accept me in a way that gave me "room to unfold."  They always had an agenda, partly driven by their own desire to look good to others and partly driven by a misguided understanding of what was good for me.  This reading has been a great blessing. - Week 1

I retreated in fear the last couple of days and let temptation linger until I nearly chose serious sin. By God’s grace and mercy I went to confession instead and am continuing on this morning. Please pray for me as I for all of you. - Week 1

Hello
Just getting started.
Eager and scared,
Feeling loved and accepted,
trying hard not to “hit the wall” of doubt on my mini marathon.
Well onwards and up wards,
inwards and outwards,
on words and up words in words and out words
God its you and me and …. open to all
bye for now.. not no byes,
just I’m off to be with God somewhere else other than here in this computer moment,
see ya later!
God Bless
AJ - Week 1

I am new to this whole experience. Right now I am in a very tumultuous point in my life. This is my first day practicing this type of prayer and I already feel Gods presence in my life more strongly than I have. I feel almost a subtle warmth throughout my body that I cannot explain. As I look back in thoughtful meditation I see that God has been in my life every step of the way. Sometimes further in the background than I'd like to admit. It is very encouraging. I want to have that spiritual closeness with him again. I know that this is they way. I have to keep him as the constant background in my life. I am really looking forward to growing closer to him through out this spiritual exercise. Lent is a special time and I want to use this time to really connect and show gratitude. I want to rededicate my life to Christ and raise my son in his loving embrace. I want my son to know Christ. I just really want that relationship back. I don't want to forget how much Christ has truly done and sacrificed for me. I am truly grateful for this experience. - Week 1

Thank you for this retreat. I have never done one online although I have participated in and led several. I am a type A personality, but I am always blessed when I am reminded to not think or try or strive (which is so hard for me). Whenever I just go along at a simple, easy pace, I find that God meets me where I am. I don’t have to run, crawl or grovel. He is so loving to meet me where I am and gently guide me – a marvelous way to live. -Mary - Week 1

I write this with missed feelings.I have tried hard to get a local retreat to no avail. Start looking on the internet and find this retreat. I feel I’m in the desert . I would love to share this retreat with someone in person .I have tried to encourage some of my friends however it isn't for them. So I ask all of you that are doing the retreat to keep me in your prayers and I will do the same for you. May the HOLY SPIRIT and The BLESSED Mother be with us all in our FAITH Journey.

Started Week 1 this past Sunday. Wow !!! -Week 1

Excited to make a good Lent. I hope this on line retreat will help me. I remember how my parents loved me. -Week 1

I'm just getting started on Week 1. I think I understand the thought assignment but I don't have a lot of memories of myself as a child. Then as a pre-teen and teen so many memories are colored by divorce, family violence, and alcoholism. How do I identify "grace"? Is anything remembered grace? -Week 1

I’m just beginning the first week. Unlike many here, I’m new to everything to do with “religion,” but have felt called, over the past few months, and especially over the past week as I watched the Pope’s every move, to finally begin taking my intuitive “yearnings” seriously. As I looked back on my life I saw the hand of God everywhere. Things I “dreamt” materialized, and I was led as if by an invisible guide, through all the triumphs and trials of my life. I am trying to trust that guidance more, and to understand that if I do, I will find far more peace. Of late, I’ve been in a rather wonderful “fog” that will not allow me to worry or turn solely to “logic” to solve problems or just face the world each day—I think that has something to do with having reached the age of 63 and being retired. I can let go and do what I’m “told,” so to speak. And it is a remarkable adventure. Looking back and my life has made this a lot easier for me to accept. I used to fight so hard to figure everything out. Now, I just listen and obey more. I look forward to seeing where that takes me. This is a remarkable new “adventure.” -Week 1

I am entering the third day “at home” after making a 3 day Ignatian Retreat. I am feeling, I’m sure to lesser extent, what the disciples felt immediately after Christ was crucified. I am fearful. Was it all a dream, an exercise in hypnosis, a dreamy interlude in the grind of life? Again, as Peter felt when on the mountain with the transfigured Christ, I don’t want to leave where I was just a few days ago. I want to “pitch a tent” and stay there. I know that at the base of this mountain there is turmoil, chaos, and myriad demonstrations of diabolical influence and power. I don’t want to go there but that is where the work is and I must “go where the work is.” I am wondering if following through on this “Retreat in Everyday Life” will give me strength, or am I turning to it as a drowning person clutching at a straw. I need to know that I am not alone. During the 3 days of my retreat, although we did not speak to one another (Silent Retreat) I knew I wasn’t alone. Now I feel alone and am frightened. Jesus, if it be your will, if I can do your work better, I ask that you give me reassurance that I am not alone. -Week 1

Glory and Praise to our Lord! I completed the first week. Thank you very much to Creighton Online Ministries too for making this possible. It was sure tough, even to start the retreat. To look back and thank God for my past. My! What came to my mind was the complaints by Job,where he asked God why He gave him life. I felt the same as him. I did not have a happy childhood. I was given to my grandparents when I was six months old and life was not a garden of roses. I have always felt unloved and unwanted. But on reflection during the retreat I realized that He was there with me. He was leading me. I was interested to learn more about God and was baptized when I was 20 years old. A very loving and caring priest guide d me spiritually. Without his guidance, I may be a negative person. I am full of gratitude to God for this. I thank Him also for the very good and self giving priest. My faith started growing slowly then and I am glad I always have Him to turn to. It's only that sometimes when everything is okay he is furthest from my mind. I am still trying to deepen my relationship with Him. The joy I felt during the retreat is that this priest who guided me 40 plus years ago is coming for a visit after so very many years and I am looking forward to my school reunion soon. I am so very happy to be able to see soon these wonderful people who were in my reflection during the retreat.Glory, Glory and Praise to our Lord! -Week 1

Today is my first day of the retreat. This was shared with me by an ex employer of mine. I have been going through a lot of stress and I know that the reason is that i have not put god first in my life. I am now ready to do that. I am strong and have a lot of hope and faith that I do this and I know that god has never forsaken me even through the very good times and now the very bad times. I know that the time is not right for for my change to come about but I can see a vast improvement in my life since I started this today. I feel so good when i have always feel down and I know that my Lord and Savior is with me and will continue to thank him and praise him for not forsaking me and being with me in all the good and bad things that are happening in my life. Lord Jesus I thank you for being there for me and for all the blessings that you have bestowed both good and bad and i accept them. In Jesus name Amen. -Week 1

I have started the retreat and feel anxious and wonder if I’m doing it right… Psalms 10 spoke to me as I thought about myself as a child without a father. Still have such an empty space in my heart that I try to fill with other things food, coffee, people you name it … I want my Heavenly Father to fill this empty space. I think it goes back to not having that earthly dad so hoping and praying the retreat brings me closer to our Father which art in Heaven. Blessings to all doing the retreat. -Week 1

I received a prayer after the first week.
Chapter 1
A love letter to Jesus
In the Name of the Father, the Son and The Holy Spirit. I write to you who are my All in All. My Spirit soars when I am in your presence. You have known me since even before I was in my mother’s womb. You gave me my parents who did cherish me. You were there when I was lonely. I was shy but you always comforted me. You gave me my loving husband to share with in this world; one who understands me and cherishes every moment we are together. I look and see you in everyone. In doing so, we can return to Eden. Even though we are many, we are only one son and daughter. Disruption and fighting and chaos falls away and there is only Love because you are Love and everything else illusion, the illusion that we are separate. We are never separate from you. Oh, the joy in knowing that. We can live our life with new eyes and feel your embrace because we have returned to you. -Week 1

My Fellow Retreat Travelers,
I faithfully completed the Retreat last year with very good results. This Year I mistakenly expected that an entirely new retreat would popup as I clicked on Week One. I am hoping to experience the Retreat once more as part of my Celebration of Pope Francis' "Year of Mercy". It was my intention to review the instructions and enter into the right mindset on Sunday Evenings. I was doing exactly that tonight after watching Football.
As I sit at my Computer in the Kitchen, at this very moment 6:00pm or so Pacific Time, I hear my brand new, one and only grandchild, three-month-old Xavier crying loudly in the Living Room. I suddenly realize I have the opportunity to relive my own childhood through my experiences with Xavier. I get to see him every other Sunday or so when his Mom and Dad come over for dinner and to do laundry.
Reading the other sharings, I see an opportunity to pray for those who've asked for prayers. I will offer a day of prayer for you, my fellow pilgrims, tomorrow on the Feast of Saint Matthew.
Love of Jesus, Mary and Joseph
California -Week 1

In my first week, I have come to the understanding of God in the eternal and ever present moment. It is how He has forgiven my sins, which occur 2000 years after He gave His life for me. His sacrifice is eternal and encompasses me wherever I appear on the timeline of history. Let God be praised! -Week 1

Today is my first day of the retreat. This was shared with me by an ex employer of mine. I have been going through a lot of stress and I know that the reason is that i have not put god first in my life. I am now ready to do that. I am strong and have a lot of hope and faith that I do this and I know that god has never forsaken me even through the very good times and now the very bad times. I know that the time is not right for for my change to come about but I can see a vast improvement in my life since I started this today. I feel so good when i have always feel down and I know that my Lord and Savior is with me and will continue to thank him and praise him for not forsaking me and being with me in all the good and bad things that are happening in my life. Lord Jesus I thank you for being there for me and for all the blessings that you have bestowed both good and bad and i accept them. In Jesus name Amen. -Week 1

Hi. I'm Neil. Shared this Online retreat with my late sister, Teresa, several years back.

Starting online retreat using tools at this website. Praying for wisdom, guidance and clarity in my journey as an entrepreneur in Manila, Philippines. Every Fiipino deserves to be rich. Yes the Filipino Can. I as for wisdom to have the right mindset -Week 1

Today is my first day at the Exercises. I pray that God will help me
get the very most from them.

Linda Bedo

LIVE JESUS! -Week 1

I made it half way thru two years ago starting during a sabbatical. This year I will try by following the practices as designed for the year.

I must admit that I fell behind a week, extending the time I focused on Jesus as healer. Partially this was due to the intense need to reflect on this lesson and partially it was due to volunteering about 50 hours for the Ignatian Spirituality Conference on campus while also launching a Student Outbreak Response Team to help the state health department resolve a large diarrheal outbreak occurring elsewhere in the state. It was also due to the fact that I reveled in the picture I selected and posted on my laptop desktop of Pope Francis holding, embracing, healing, loving a very disabled man. I hope I never forget that picture. It was the essence of love and healing to me and it awed me to see the Pope so completely living as Jesus would.

As I began reviewing my childhood memories, I found so many of them painful. I think my mother, re-living painful events in her childhood, exposed me to some of her experiences. Also, often she couldn't be available to me, so I felt very alone. I didn't know how I could find God in my early images. But today, while reading the sharing other people posted recently of their Week 1, it came to me. Between the painful scenes are joyful scenes. Often moments of pure joy at the beauty of the natural world. Sunshine pouring down on me, the cleansing smell of rain. And there were the special individuals who suddenly appeared, who looked into my eyes, who smiled when they made me laugh, who were giving me the message that life was deeper and richer than the painful scenes. I will pray that those of you who are having trouble seeing God in your scenes will not give up, that you will soon spy God showing you there was more to your scenes, pockets of goodness where he was keeping you company, showing you a different existence. Week 1

I completed week one in just six weeks! It wasn’t that the task was so difficult or that I was simply being lazy. I thought I had a happy childhood and in my recollections even adolescence was good. But in this first week process I uncovered so much of my past that had been deeply buried.I remember happiness in my youth but – my father died before I was born. The family I was born into was a mother with a drinking problem and two sisters. When I was about five years old my mother married again. My new dad was a nice guy but it turned out that he had undiagnosed psychiatric problems. He couldn’t keep a job and we lived in poverty. Welfare wasn’t around then; there were times I stole food so we could eat. The best Christmas present I ever received was a chemistry set that my older sister’s boyfriend had received the previous year but he didn’t like it so she wrapped it up and gave it to me.Yet I remember joy. When I was sixteen and rapidly moving toward a very bad life I met a girl from a nice but poor family with a solid Catholic background. By any common standard, she should have ignored me. If she brought me to her parents, they should have hated me. Yet, she later became my wife. We were married very young; I was twenty And she was nineteen. We had no money and I didn’t have a job and only a high school diploma.Yet I remember joy.I got a full time job and went to college while we brought four wonderful children into the world. We never had enough money and I never had any free time.Yet I remember joy.In this very long first week, I was shocked at how much I had forgotten (or hid away?), amazed at how well life had gone for me in spite of that start and then struck down in absolute awe at how God had watched over me and gently guided me through very rough waters even though I had ignored Him for nearly fifty years. And, I am immeasurably grateful to our loving God for keeping joy in my life through the most difficult years.

Now I am truly excited at what the next week tasks will bring to me.

Just started the first week and I feel excited by it. I get the sense that looking back over my beginnings with God will give a unifying grounding to my life. I am particularly grateful for the ability to reflect on my life while keeping in mind the Gospel passages which are given to us, it has given my reflections a greater depth. So far so good. Looking forward to the journey.

Dear retreat team,

Please pray for me as i start this retreat, especially that i will go through to the end. At first i do find it not easy to control our background thoughts. :). There are some days which is easier than others. When i tried to look back at my childhood, i was pretty surprised at how "little" memories i have since it has been so long ago. Now i understand why we all tend to forget that we were children at one point in time. Then i got easier and i saw how God led me to him, especially through the people i met around me. Then i came to my adulthood memories which even more surprised me that it was even more difficult to gather though they happened quite recent compared to my childhood. I found there was a particular point which did changed my life completely, which i apparently had resentment towards that point. I felt pain. I have those "why" words echoing again and again. But with a prayer i finally found God holding my hand and hugging me, through those hard times, which still continues till present time. It is not an instant relief from the "why God why?" Questions, but it does give me a bit of change in perspective. -Grace

I am blessed to have found this online retreat.  I am in grieving the loss  of our youngest daughter age 40 when she was taken to the Lord God in heaven August 7, 2013.  She sufferd from cancer for years before she passed.  Lord but I can't understand why she had to suffer so much. Why God took her from her two children her husband and us.  I pray that this retreat will help me get through this time.  My prayer is that our daughter is basking the light of God's love and that Jesus Mary and Joseph are holding her close. Amen

Week one:  The photo album has been extremely difficult.   I’m on day three and up to year 23 of 49.  All my ‘photos’ so far have been less than pleasant and the common emotions are frustration, sadness, isolation and loneliness, all accompanied by extreme anger.  Not to mention the guilt and regret at the thrashing out at those around me. I now know why I do not think much about my childhood and teen years.  I suffered from depression for many years and am realizing that it started much earlier than I thought. I believe our Lord was with me, even though I have no photos saying as much.  I can feel the depression trying to resurface.  I was tempted to stop this retreat the 1st day, but am determined see it through as I feel this it necessary at this point in my life.  However, It’s so very hard for me.  Please pray for me.

Week 1: I am finding this very first day very difficult
My nana refused to babysit me or to have anything to do with me when my mum married my CE father – so I was not wanted even before birth, by a grandparent.
My family was poor, I have very little in the way of photographs, my teachers were not supportive – I was placed at the back of the class (hearing impairment but told I was lazy and would never make anything of my life by a nun), no holidays, not even school holidays,

I am sorry but there is nothing I feel fantastic about – I am happy I am alive but don’t know why God put me through this non-existent wilderness of childhood, youth and adulthood so far.  Always little, humble, in the background, supporting others and working to pay bills in a thankless job and never fulfilling my wishes to paint, sing and write.   My father died in his forties, my mum early fifties and my uncles and aunts all died young.  I only knew one grandparent.

It back to week one again! I began this retreat in Sept but my Spiritual Director suggested going back to week one and starting again. At first I was disappointed and angry but as I began again I realized that I was loved by God wether or not I moved smoothly through the weeks or not. It occurred to me that God does not love me more or less any time things in my life don't work out as planned. A tremendous relief came over me realizing I didn't have to always be right and good enough for God. Grace is amazing.

Week 1: The image of God’s love and forgiveness as a Mother watches her toddler learn to walk and fall often was a powerful image.  Being a great grandmother I have watched how often parents find disappointment in their children’s choices but are there for them when they are hurt and in need of love and acceptance.  To see God loving me in that way is powerful.  It gives great peace and comfort to know that He is there always.

Just on week one and still wondering if I am doing it right.
My recollections of my childhood brings me great joy at the love that God surrounded me with. Makes me wonder how I ever walked away from God. But God never walked away from me. How blessed I feel that He keeps calling me back into his heart. How blessed to share the faith journey of my fellow retreatants from around the world. God indeed has the whole world in his hands. --C.S. from downunder

I am returning to these exercises after a period of years.  When I first encountered them they had a profound effect on my life and subsequently changed the direction of my career.  Since then I am thankful for the retreat experiences, spiritual guides and spiritual friends who have touched me.  I returned to the US recently after another period of discernment and I hope that in following this path along with the liturgical year that I deepen my relationship with and service for Jesus.  What I found particularly significant in reflecting on the photos of my life is how richly blessed I have been.  Yes I do feel pain in some photos realising that in the background there are deep clouds of sinful mistakes and errors of judgment.  But I also rejoice at the richness of experience I have been blessed with.  Thinking of the parable of the talents, I hope that I have not been burying this treasure but rather that I can use these experiences and make them real gifts for others. 

my heart opens with gratitude, to those with whom I am traveling the following 34 weeks.
I have asked others family and friends, all saying “no”too busy or not interested
....so it is “here” where my desire to make this retreat, meets with people “unknown”to me, I am accepted :) ahhh....Lady Wisdom, Holy Spirit, Gracious God, Loving Son Jesus, and yes St Ignatius, thank you

Lord please continue to bless us, as we make this retreat, thank you for  the gift of others making this retreat with me, I think I feel accepted, I rather know and feel I am.

Well- that was a bit of a wake up call. Realised that actually all the stuff that I do that is negative stems from me being an over ambitious control freak! With a healthy dose of humility and a bit of thinking about doing stuff to serve others rather than serve my own sense of importance, adding some acceptance of others views, it'll be interesting to see how my behaviour reacts!

I am looking for a deepening of my prayer life--of my giving myself to God--so that there is a little empty space inside me that He can fill. This form of prayer, of being constantly in His presence, letting memories drift into my conscious mind, and looking for God in that moment and this...it is very..."seductive"? "alluring"? Jeremiah 20:7, where Jeremiah complains to God that He "duped" the prophet with His beauty! God, I love You! Let's exchange hearts!

Although I have written my life story several times, this is something I need to do often.  Each time I write,  I am a little more honest about my feelings

I am not quite through the week, but am so glad this particular retreat is available to us all.  I feel I am being called by our Lord to come and do this retreat., and isn't it good it is the middle of September!!!  I first opened this site several months ago...

I've been taught and know spiritually there are no coincidences with God, and I am going to follow Him into this with all my heart.  I pray we all receive His graces through this. Amen and Amen

First day of week one and I see the warmth and love of the Lord in the relationships He has surrounded me with since before my birth.
There is darkness and pain there too but opening up and beginning to see just how much my Mother, in particular, has loved me, despite the obstacles in her life, including the ones I placed in her way, has been amazing.
We spoke on the phone yesterday and had one of the deepest, most heart warming conversations that we have ever had, and I knew I was experiencing (glimpsing) God's love in our relationship.
The first day! Thanks be to God. --Maria

I am in a place of some shock after walking through the beginning here. How did I stumble into this? It was all quite gradual and accidental, yet here I am, starting a retreat, holding an image, thinking about what it means to be accepted.
It feels as if an earthquake rumbled through this space and I am still dazed. --Mary M

This morning the first day of my retreat I prayed with the readings of today and the words from Jesus on the cross to His Mother and to John
(Behold your mother) ( Behold your son) and I wondered if you spoke those words to my aunt – because after my mother died she took me as
a tiny baby to her house to bring me up. I praise you Lord Jesus because you have always been there for me.  Also this morning in my meditation
I saw a bowl of rice and I took it to mean that you will multiply my feeble efforts to draw closer to you during this retreat – just as a handful of rice when cooked turns into a large bowlful. Thank you Jesus I pray also today for everyone beginning the retreat.

Week 1: I'm starting this retreat with a heavy heart and hope for more feeling of love, confidence and care that God provides me.  In the last week I lost a dear soul -- she was so strong in spirit and fought so hard in her battle for cancer.  Her class, care, generosity and love were palpable though far away…and I swear, I knew when she was dying (and earlier when she was sick) -- she came into my mind and then i found out later she was lost.  It broke my heart -- and then last night I found out about another sweet, smart person who I know was diagnosed with a very aggressive, malignant cancer. 

These woman were/are lights in my life and so young.  I need to feel God's gracious hand in this to help with the sadness…I love looking for daily God sightings.  Lately it's been blurry.  I hope that this retreat helps me feel God in my life and better understand his ways.  In the words of our focus…to know his fidelity and feel gratitude.  I hope it's easier to say "thank you"….and a little less "why?".  I know there is a reason…looking for perspective and love.

Week 1: I started reading the guide for the retreat today. I was reflecting on the monumental task of going through my story with God, and i feel a little discomfort. First because i don't know if i would have the discipline of prayer, and just going through my life story with all the pot holes, detours, indecisions. But i also revel in the fact that i now see that my childhood was bittersweet. A happy childhood, with some moments of pain, imagination, church, friends, God. God who was both near and far, but that a sense of gratitude permeates my being because He was there right in my childhood.

As I start week one I feel so blessed.  I have faced memories of not feeling good enough.  I have seen myself as a small child crying and lying to get out of being told off,  or of almost engineering this as chastisement was followed by a cuddle.  But I have also relived memories that show I was loved, and have come to realise that mum did her very best to be a good mother and did what she thought was best at the time.
I can see God there in the good and the bad times, always loving, always waiting for my love,  not the harsh judge waiting for me to fail. Thank you Spirit for being with me on this journey.  Amen

I have started this on-line retreat many times…and never make it past the first couple of weeks!  I am praying that this time I can finish the entire retreat.
Certainly, I have completed the assignment to review my life multiple times as well.  The one thing I have gotten as a message from this over and over again…God was ALWAYS with me!  I may have felt abandoned, or unloved, or just plan ugly!  But, God was there and was walking along side me to get me to this very place! 

Now, it took years of praying, praying, therapy….to get there!  but I am here at last! 
My prayer for each of you going through this retreat with me is that this week you find where you are in God’s  album…It is certainly worth it! 

I just started my First Week. The Courage to Accept Acceptance, spoke clearly to me.  It seemed like it was written for me. I am far away from accepting myself but I made the first step in the right direction.  I am blessed that I have found this site.  I feel that I have learned a lot within the last week and I am grateful for these shared insights. I pray that I will keep this enthusiasm till the end.  Thank you for this fine program.

Week 1: Just expressing my inner thoughts especially since the time I've been through the family album....( background for week 1, which i began on the feast of St Ignatius of Loyola,2014)... I'm grateful to God for surrounding me with the fragrance of His Bouquet of Love....in which each unique flower is each individual member of my family & by extension all those whom He's placed in my path through the years. I'm more blessed than i deserve.....I've never faced my past so bravely & honestly... Thanks also to all who've shared their experiences here & especially to all who've put all the content online...May God richly bless all...Please pray for me as i begin Week 2 tomorrow, 7th August, 2014... -- Edwin R, India

Week 1: Looking back at my past made me realize what a great sinner I am. There were so many things I did that hurt my God, myself and my loved ones. But in spite of all my mistakes, my failures, my weaknesses and my sins, I now see that He has never left me.
A few years back, I exhausted all my time, my resources trying to get rich so I can show my ex-husband (who left us for another woman) and the world that I can raise my children alone. I was full of hatred, anger, pride and vengeance ... and unforgiving. I spent all my time working and had little time for my children and no time for my Creator. But the more I strive to get rich, the more I got poorer. My children were not doing well in school.  I was lonely, depressed, and searching for something or someone to liven up my life. My dreams for a bright future were all shattered. Worst, on the time that I was so low financially, emotionally.. it was the time that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was HER2 positive cancer, meaning 80% of recurrence in spite of chemo.  The only drug that would help is so expensive.  But my siblings, my friends, relatives and people I don't even know paid for all the expenses. This disease made me stay at home, and being alone made me realize all the blessings the Lord poured on me. Blessings which I never noticed before. Seven times I almost lost my life but in all occasions, my Lord delivered me. He gave me many chances to live and change my life for Him.
One thing I know for sure is God loves me unconditionally! His love is great and immeasurable.

Just started my 1st wk. So much memories of early childhood. As I was reading the "curage to accept acceptance, tears came from my eyes. I want to have the book and share it to the world. The scriptural readings are all I need to read.i love you Lord for being with me always.thank you for this awesome retreat on line. God bless you all!

This past November, my daughter had a stillborn baby girl. I have never known a loss so deep and a grief so painful. I mourned for my granddaughter, but I also would have done anything to keep my daughter from her suffering. I have spent many months pulling my daughter out of a dark well of anguish and depression. I went through Ash Wednesday with the words "you are dust and into dust you shall return" having such a different meaning to me this year. I searched for God in a Lenten discussion group at Church. I grew to understand that there could not be an Easter Resurrection without a crucifixion and death. And then recently my daughter announced that she was expecting again. It was joyous and frightening. How could I possibly walk these next 34 weeks with her? And then I found your website. "This is the beginning of a 34 week journey." Week by week I will keep in close contact with Jesus. He will be my guide through this unknown territory. My daughter needs me and I need Him. I will not walk in fear. I will walk in hope. I ask for your prayers during this 34 week journey knowing that whatever happens is His will.

Hello, I am just beginning the first week of my retreat.  I have come in with my faith worn to shreds, finding it hard to handle pain and suffering of my own and of others throughout the world. Thanks to the online readings and sharing, I am beginning to find glimmers of hope: "The Courage to Accept Acceptance" reminds me that the burdens are not mine alone to bear, but that God in his infinite love and wisdom can help me if I only become willing to let go; and even more basic than that, Luke 11:1-13, God is "ready to give the Holy Spirit to anyone who asks." Even though my confidence is shaken, if I am persistent in prayer, I may rediscover my faith... Looking forward to continuing this journey. In Christ, Cate.

I have plenty of time to meditate, pray, study or read. I began the retreat today, but actually began a wholistic (body, mind and spirit) rehabilitation program on March 10, 2014. I was sharing with my spouse yesterday that besides him, I had no one to share with on a spititual basis, and voila - the SHARE phase of the retreat.  Thank you Lord for answering the desire of my heart of hearts so promptly.  You know what I'm thinking, feeling, desiring before I do.  There is so much I wish to share. I was a member of a Catholic Charismatic Prayer group for over 20 years. I sat down this morning and wrote a letter of thankfullness to the Pastoral Leaders, present and past. They shared, nurtured and blessed me with their abundant faith for so many years.  They molded me into the upright spiritual being I am today. I am far from a perfect role model; thankfully He is not through with me yet. He continues to change me from earthly things to the heavenly.  For one month I've been reading out of 3 spiritual daily meditation booklets and also from well worn OA (overeaters' anonymous) and Al-anon booklets. Though edifying, they were somehow not enough.  My soul begged for more like the dryest sponge pleads for pure soaking waters. Voila - this 34 week retreat! Again an answer to my prayers.  Thank you Lord. And thank you for devising this online retreat.

Hello, and thank you for this retreat. Today is only the first day, and I have learned so much already - the most precious of which is that I have God's undivided attention!  How overwhelming; how comforting; how healing! How extremely humbling to know...

Today is the 5th day of my first week of this retreat.  I chose to use this day to reflect upon my college years and discovered that it was a time marked by financial and emotional insecurity.  In these years, it seems I lost the strong financial and emotional security I had as a young child, and I tried (unsuccessfully) to rebuild a new one out of what was destroyed.  Over twenty years later, I find that I  have carried the effects of that into my adult experience.  Despite this, I have learned through the readings that God alone is my security.  I hope this knowledge changes how I relate to the people in my life and my relationship with a God.God bless, and thank you for this retreat.

Today, I was sleepy all day long. I’m preparing the first semester with seminarians as a spiritual director but even I also want to journey together. I worked as a chaplain of university for five years before here. I’m exhausted but at this time I think I disposed on the proper place. Koreans are mostly hard workers because of the atmosphere of society. We need to take pause. I was expected to get some useful helps from this site. I want to feel again his presence in my life-journey. I’ll follow the guidance and lead the seminarians which I should be obliged to take care of. The dynamic of Spiritual Exercises might be useful to all of them. I would do the self-experiment first and then give them a chance to follow. Thank you for your enthusiasm of Campus Ministry.

I began my retreat week 1 yesterday.. I remember how it had been for me. I was always too scared to remember my past as I always believed that I had too many things to run away from.
I prayed to the lord to give me the strength and accept what I see again in my lifes album. However, after I began, and ran through my life experiences, I could see that in everything despite the pitfalss god was there with me..
Even before I was born, my father left us and went. My mother abused me and believed that I was the cause of her plight as she had to come back and couldnt remarry or succeed in life as she was left to care for me.
As I grew up , I was constantly reminded by my grandma and mother, the sacrifice she did for me.. she told me many times that it would have been better if I had died. Some other times, she was a loving and sweet person..
Grew up very confused, about life and god. Felt that I was a burden and full of many mistakes always bothering others/troubling others& Lost my mother in mid 20s and soon after my grandmother.
Was left alone, and helpless. But god took control of my life. And thats when he started revealing himself to me. I never knew the god of the bible.. Now, I feel that in all this also he took care of me. He wanted me to live since he had a bigger plan for my life. He made my mother care for me, despite not wanting to & he provided for all my needs and wants.. he protected me from all dangers.. he was there all the time I was sad and depressed..
Nothing is more comforting, that realizing that my past is no more a baggage.. he has taken the pain away completely.. everyone will answer him for everything& and he controls everything.. he brought me to it.. he will take me through it..
Today I feel that, I was not responsible for all the bad that happened in others life.. and he has been with me always.. lord I love you.. thank you for being with me in everything.
Thank you for making me a more silent and quieter person who understands others needs& if I hadnt faced this, I wont have realized the importance of meekness, humbleness and love.lord make me your vessel and fill me with your grace today..

Hi I really am inconsistent with daily routines. I loved the accept acceptance reading so much I found the book to order.  I am writing to anyone else who lacks discipline.  Let's hang in there and see where this leads.

This is the start of week 1. I have always thought about God being there when everything is fine. And I have had some insight into my crisis, bad judgements, wrongdoings and the thought that God was there even during those times. Comforting.

I just completed my first week.  Found it difficult, because I could only remember the unpleasant times in my life. I struggled to find the good and happy times.  I even ask my husband what he remembered in his childhood and he brought up happy times.  I struggled with this because he had a difficult childhood, but he remembered the good!  As the week unfolded, I became aware of  the need for healing in these areas of my life.  I thought a great deal of how my parents were raised, which reflects of who I am today.  I am not perfect... Praise God, and I will always be a work in progress.

I stumbled upon your online weekly retreat site.  Wow!  I might say it's mere coincidence, but I think not.  I'm normally horrible at novena's and things requiring discipline of that sort, but I will try!  Thank you for putting this out there!

Lord, thank you for giving me my life story rather than any other, or anyone else’s—thank you for leading me along the paths you’ve led me, rather than any other paths (no matter how much I might what-if or daydream or regret the loss of possibilities in choosing one to become actual).  May I be faithful to you and make you smile by following this path wholeheartedly, holding nothing back, expecting nothing except your grace, hoping for nothing except you, who are everything. Amen.

Erin

Last week (Week I) was kind of amazing, especially since this is the second time I have attempted this retreat.  What I most noticed was God’s consistency in my life.  From a very young age I have been aware of and dependent upon God’s presence and of his love for me.  And, really no surprise, He’s still at it.  The difference for me was in the way I perceived that presence. 

On my first time through the retreat—didn’t make it all the way through—I was motivated by a desire to improve my relationship with Christ; to “do something better” so that I would feel God’s presence more keenly.  Since I was the one “doing” all the heavy lifting, I didn’t really get the concept of “background.”  The retreat was just more stuff to do.  Last week was quite different.  For the first time in my life I was able to let go and let God do the work.  That may sound like a “duh” moment, for some of you, but for this type A first born it was a miracle.

And, “background” didn’t mean that I was oblivious to what God was doing, either.  I had moments throughout the week that showed me in some pretty concrete ways that God was near.  Not by big things, but in the small things that usually seem mundane and insignificant.  So, I continue to depend on God’s graces as this week unfolds.

Susan M.

This week has helped me to see that as a young child I found the unconditional love I needed and craved from God.  He knew what my parents were unable to provide and enabled me to form a healthy attachment.

I am beginning my 1st week of the retreat. I'm really nervous...not because I don't want to cultivate my relationship with God but because I have a history of not finishing what I start. I don't want to fail at this retreat like I have failed in other ways in my life. I think that the passage about Acceptance resonates with me deeply because I do not accept myself, which makes it difficult to recognize when I am accepted by others (and more importantly accepted by God). Throughout this journey, I pray that I remain committed, that I allow myself to grow in my faith, and that I become a better and more whole person when the 34 weeks conclude. Thank you God for even making me aware of this retreat and guiding me back to You.

When I read that "the deepest human need is to be accepted," and prayed for it, I asked God that He would allow my mouth to always sing praise to the Lord, and my heart only share love to my neighbors. May I always say the truth in a nice way so that I will never let down other people. May I always grow through knowing my weaknesses.

God Bless you Spiritual Directors at Creighton for creating this online retreat of the Spiritual Exercises!  I am nearing the end of week one and am so grateful for this opportunity.  I live in a small mountain town with no Jesuit priests here at the present time.  I have found the Jesuit Spirituality to be an answer to my deepening call from God to be "in the world but not of it".  At times I thought I heard the beaconing to become a cloistered Carmelite because of love of contemplative prayer.  It is difficult to reconcile that call with my busy life in the world.  The Jesuit Way of Proceeding is speaking to me now and I want to thank you for this retreat community.  I realize even though at present there is not a Jesuit Spiritual Director here in my area, we have Pope Francis who is very present with his love and teaching.  This week is especially healing through shedding God's love and light on the wounds and blessings of my life.    

God Bless you all, Juliana

 I am a protestant Church of the Nazarene minister going through the retreat.  I am on week one, but am already touched by the richness of the exercises.  God truly did touch Saint Ignatius. I at times doubt my abilities to be an effective minister. Reflecting on my life and how God has always been in it, I am encouraged.  I realize that whatever God calls me to do, He will be there with me as He always has in the past, and He will equip me to do as He commands.  

Thank you so much for "The Courage to Accept Acceptance". I realized while reading it that my whole life has been lived not being accepted as I am. At 63 years old it's been a sad and lonely life but I am determined to change all of that as well as my feelings of inadequacy and accept me as I am. I firmly believe that I am on the right track with the online retreat and look forward to each week of growing and learning. 

I am starting this retreat today - Thursday 19 September after an absence of some years when I moved house and got out of the rwythym, or got a new computer, or changed the server or whatever. I was confused about spirituality and was received into formation as a secular Carmelite. The regional director has become a great friend and guide and we are both agreed that there are many ways to Carmel and I don't feel the need to travel over 50 miles for the meetings which are in any event without a formator/trix.  Also I use Sacred Space and the Loyola Press on line as prayer guides in the comfort of my own home, surrounded by lovely mountains, hills and vales which go to make up this world of Wales - only the inmate does not correspond - me - to quote Hopkins!!  So I turn to this  mode by starting the retreat with you and sharing what I feel.

Childhood memories and being cursed by my mother led me to tell him about it one day when he came to lunch with us.  In the immediate he quoted from Romans 8:31,32.  I had been recalling the curse and it was upsetting me i.e. that I would reach old age and be alone with no-one to love me.  These words would recur throughout trials and tribulations but I would turn to what Michael quoted - I have just read the whole of Ch. 8 and the difficulties I experience in life are now tempered with these beautiful words to give us Hope to give us Strength - especially in times of weakness in dealing with the sinfulness of our human nature - they add strength to our Faith - God's gift to us, who waters the seed - so tiny - planted in us at our baptism - our nouriture which fosters its growth - like a secret place within us - we can't see how it flourishes nor how it droops when we separate ourselves in sinful behaviour - drawn by the subtleties of the evil one - but He has power over that when we turn to Him in Hope and lastly Love - how this charity calls - how it heals the wounds - how it is manifest in the love of others affirming the damaged love of ourselves - like the mother - poor mother so misguided and damaged herself - poor humans!! it is a good job the Trinity decided amongst themselves that we were going to rack and ruin and one of them had better come down and be Incarnate that we might be saved from ourselves and so Our blessed Lord was born to a virgin named Mary - Hail Mary full of Grace - the response when asked would she bear a son - Let it be done to me according to your Will - so we have a prayer to make ourselves, when in doubt and don't know where to go and in the immediate we are shown 'the Way' and led amongst the flowers and perfumes of Grace despite ourselves, or rather over and above ourselves, to follow with the prayer of commitment the Contemplation to attain Love itself.

Here goes - First week - I am a bit late in starting as because I follow the daily readings of the Mass which I try to get to each day but don't always make it for times vary - the nice Priest has many commitments in a large Parish all on his own - hospital chaplaincy - university chaplaincy - the catholic primary school - all the people with their needs - yet he remains, despite all these commitments, a good priest and a good mate too - with humour and able to express himself on how he is feeling one to one - very nurturing, very human yet still with that capacity to great reverence to his calling as a disciple of the Lord. I have no idea to whom this is addressed as we live in a pretty remote place and because we are getting on - late seventies - a lot of our friends have died, so for us, this is the last chapter too.  'Us' is a married couple for nigh on 54 years! I am really happy with having written all this down to 'catch up' with the week, somehow it has flowed out of me like a living stream - thanks for the invitation - God bless whoever you are

Pat S.

How amazing that it is so difficult to understand how much
God loves us, and to accept that. I never really thought that accepting god's love for us would be a prerequisite of sorts for our loving Him.That just goes to show how much god does love us, doesn't it? The exercises this week have shown me many snapshots whereI had never noticed my heavenly Father was in the picture, right next to me, regardless of the occasion... why did I miss that during al of those instant replays?

Starting the retreat this week one, I am faced with looking back. This is not new because recently in a class I had similar exercises.  Still I notice my tendency to remember the painful memories most, and dwell there. It has been a habit of thinking all my life. Recently I am praying and trying to just be thankful. It is not the usual track my mind travels, but when I can be grateful for the care I have received, and even the struggles and mistakes, that is when the forgiveness flows and the JOY is born! It seems to take much Grace and practice to change my thinking.

I have begun this journey with the first week now underway.  First I am one of those people who "know" God loves me, but don't usually realize it at all.  I now have a confessor/spiritual director who gave me some insight to be gentle with myself as I begin these Exercises. By nature, I am usually over analytical, and my hope is just to remember and look over my past and NOT become attached to the past--because it is just that--past. Certainly, it is what shaped me, and I must deal with it.  I must also remember to be grateful for the good and the bad, because it got me to this beautiful point!  I pray for courage to accept acceptance…and mostly for God's grace to stay in God's love!

The idea of God's infinite love for me from my creation in my mother's womb through all the stages and, trials of my life is awesome to me.  I want to learn how to love Jesus with this same infinite, awesome love.  I thank God for leading me on this journey through the Ignatian spiritual exercises.  I look forward to what tomorrow may bring through Christ our Lord. Amen

As I begin this retreat as an older woman,  I stare at the beautiful photo of the baby in his mother's arms with the blessed naked little, chubby body,  I'm am reminded simply that I too once was a cherubic baby in my mother's arms. I am grateful for both the reality and the reminder!

I started this "process", which is what the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius is all about, just like any diet or exercise process is for the body.  Results come with time & effort, not from just the Desire for a change.  As St. James says, "Faith without works is dead."  So too is Desire for change without effort dead.

I was blessed to have received the full experience of the Spiritual Exercises, with a Jesuit Father to direct me, just over 10 years ago, and I will say to those starting this Online Retreat, if you want something out of it, you've got to put something into it.  The rewards I received were beyond words.

We hear our non-Catholic Christian brothers and sisters speak of developing a "personal relationship with Christ" as the source of their salvation.  I will tell you that my experience gave me, not only that "personal relationship with Christ," but, also, a very real sense of all Three Persons of the Holy Trinity.

Due to some rather difficult personal circumstances, I am following the process of the Spiritual Exercises online, just to reinforce the Love of God I came to know all those years ago.  I have had some real struggles, mentally & emotionally, with the circumstances in my life, but my Faith and Trust in the Love of My God has continued to sustain me.  He is your God too, and you, too, can come to know the limitlessness of His Love.

Like some of you, Life does get in the way, and, after 3 weeks, I'm still on Week One, but that is my personal choice to hold true to the process.  I really don't care how long it takes, because I already know, there is a Pot of Gold at the end of this Rainbow. -- Kenny

I started this project the same week I celebrated 18 years of living in my current city -- the longest I've ever lived anywhere. Also coincidentally I had the chance to revisit some places from my past that I hadn't seen in quite a while. So the week was filled with "photos" of my past. I came away with the sense that while I tend to think of my past as written in stone, it's a lot more fluid and flexible than that. Not written in stone. Subject to interpretation.

But the biggest grace I experienced was hearing someone say, on the last day of the week of my contemplation of my past, that the life I'm living today is my life. He was making the point that we aren't living the life we intend to live at some point in the future, after we accomplish whatever we intend to accomplish; believe we need to accomplish to be complete or okay. Our life today is our life. The concept can also be applied to our history. I am not my history or my future. I am my present. How I'm living right now is my life.

My husband and I are beginning this retreat together, and I am already feeling God at work with our relationship, as we share in this first week memories that stand out from our separate childhoods.  Thank you for providing this wonderful resource!

Week 1: I've always tried to come to God in theSacrament of Reconciliation and prayed the penance.  But for quite a while I find I'm praying for a contrite heart.  Now, for the first time I praying week seven of Retreat in the Real World and
   trying to develop an awareness of patterns of sin in my life.  One thing that came to mind was an algorithm.  Steps of consequences, either moving towards of away from God's loving embrace.  it gets a bit personal when it
   comes to sharing patterns of sin, but one thing I can see are the seeds of habits.
   How can I give meaning to my awareness of God's infinite forgiveness and not have a contrite heart. 

Week 1: I dreaded looking at personal sin;  I was afraid of the waves of shame.  But songs and words from scripture about God exulting over me and wrapping me in a robe of salvation helped me.  It helped to read the reflections, too, b/c I could take comfort knowing others found it hard to look at their faults.  And I reflected that while it's good to desire to BE good that very desire can work against me, and the Evil One knows very well how to use that desire against me in many subtle ways.  Alleluia-I survived that storm!

Week 1: Today I am starting this retreat. I know that I have deep feelings of rejection that stem from when I was a baby. God has already shown me this. I know too that I badly need to believe in Gods acceptance of me and by the grace of God I am starting to do that. However I know that feelings of rejection are still influencing me in a bad way today and affecting my relationships. I believe that God wants me to really meditate on how he loves me and to be transformed. I felt him tell me to go back into the past and look at things with him and then I remembered about this site. I tried the retreat a while ago but painful feelings arose and I felt I could not deal with them and so had to stop. I really hope it is different this time and pray that God will be with me and guide my thoughts

Week 1: The sin with which I am struggling right now is two fold...perhaps three or four!  First it is anger, anger at having been told at Mass this past Sunday essentially how to vote...that abortion is murder and to vote that ticket is wrong.   I don't believe in abortion, but neither do I believe in ignoring the needs of the poor, my heart is with those who struggle to keep ends together. 

I ask myself, "are you rationalizing?  Are you acting independent of the will of God or simply doing what in your    heart you feel called to do?"

And I wonder, " is it a sin if I feel it is the right thing to do?". And "did that priest have the right to tell his people what they should do?  My husband went to a different church and that priest simply said..."Vote...be informed and vote."

I will vote according to my conscience, grateful for God's love and never ending mercy.

Week 1: I did the 19th Annotation back in the early 80’s. I’m really liking this approach to this ‘retreat’ much better. I have appreciated the idea of just ‘staying with’ the thoughts and memories of my childhood and taking them with me into everything I do today and tomorrow to see where. They lead me and how God can and will speak to me and heal me in the midst of everything past and present.  I have so many very good memories. As well as very painful and difficult one, as we all do I am sure.  I’m also grateful to sit with and rest in the reality that God loves me and accepts me. As I am and not as I would like to be, so I can also learn to accept and love myself as God does. That will make all the difference. I’m also appreciating the use of mp3 player to ‘hear’ the guidelines and to listen to them a number of times to help me ‘be more in touch’ with things I may have missed.

Week 1: What a week!  This is my first week of the online retreat.  How different reflecting on my past life has been, this time round!  There has been none of the usual tiptoeing back through the memories, carefully skirting the embarrassments, the dark days, the confrontations, and the pain.  This time it has all been in review and exposed to scrutiny.

As is the case with most, if not all, of us, the review has involved the full spectrum of feeling – from deep affection to total revulsion.  It was easy to see God’s presence throughout much of it, comforting, blessing and celebrating the good things, the good choices.  It was harder to acknowledge that he was still there during all the negative stuff – not just a passive spectator, but patiently providing the opportunities for me to turn things round, to make a better choice.  So many bad choices and yet, so many opportunities to turn things round.

I am feeling his grace working in me now, providing insights, encouraging and strengthening.  Reflecting on this week’s theme has reminded me of how flawed I really am; but also how valued and, most importantly, how loved.

Phil (You may use my name.)

Week 1: Just finishing week one.  I can feel it working.  Thanks. JJW

Week 1: Week one was awesome. I was shown how God was there with me, all through my life, despite my side-lining him for so much of the time. I was shocked to realise how very bad I had been in my teenage years and early adult life, in that I had never for a moment relinquished control to the Lord Jesus. However, God did not leave me, and He guided me back to Him, and He is now beginning to show me what it means to be  truly free. Rebecca, London, UK

Week 1: Where to start?  Reflecting on my early years has been positive for me and spilling over to my brothers and sister.  I remember things they don’t and vise versa.  In general, we had a happy childhood, although we were born in the early 1940’s, when the much of the world was at war.  How much did the war stunt our growth, physically and spiritually?  I have in a scrapbook ration cards so I know some food items were scarce.  Did my Mom’s milk come with worry in it?  Only God knows. 

My Dad was too old for the draft, but worked in a Navy shipyard as an electrician to help the war effort.  We were left behind in South Dakota, near our maternal Grandparents.  Somehow we managed, but I imagine we had sadness and worry.  I was baptized into the faith and introduced to Jesus – mostly as a historical figure, not as my Friend.  And yet, we learned the song “Jesus loves me this I know”, so we must have absorbed some of God’s love and seeds of faith. We were also taught the bedtime prayer, “now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep….”  Not a prayer I’d recommend to little kids now.

I regret falling away from the church in my teen-age years.  Somehow, God protected me from harm despite my ignorance of Her love and constant presence and protection.  – to be continued.  Tom, MN

Week 1: I invested almost two weeks in week one because I narcissistically  believed that my story required more time to reflect because my lost childhood was so much sadder and more horrible than anyone else’s; my feelings of God’s abandonment so much more deep rooted. Now, I’m embarrassed by these feelings. I thought that, by using the vehicle of this retreat to rehash over and over the same memories I’ve been obsessed with all my life, they would somehow miraculously erase. After all, isn’t that what my religions all about? Miraculous recoveries from sickness….not! Over the course of this first “week” I came to realize that these memories, these events, that helped shape who I’ve become (I’m 57), will always be there and there’s no miracles changing that. But, and here’s the great news coming out of this week, I also came to realize that back then, when as a little kid I felt trapped in despair and loneliness, God was walking with me! Today, as I struggle with who I’ve allowed myself to become, God is walking with me! Tomorrow, he’ll be there too! I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to understand this and realize that these truths have always been there for me. Now, every time I contemplate the reality of God’s presence in my life, I feel a joyful flutter in my heart. I cry with joy to know He never gave up on me. Now, it’s time to do my part and use each moment as a gift to walk down the path to the destiny He has for me. On to week two.

Week 1: It occurs to me in reflecting on my photo album that God often does His best work during the messiest times. Why is that?

Week 1: When I started week one, I was quite scared that the week's tasks would be too painful and difficult, but instead I am feeling so loved and accepted by God, already being healed from the hurt of the past and of my own mistakes.  God knows everything about me, even the very worst, but I know that I am held in the palm of his hand.  I can feel His love and compassion, and I am increasingly able to feel love and compassion for others, even those who have caused me pain.  God is entering into every area of my life, even parts that I had closed off and treated as separate before.   I can see so many gifts He has given to me, and am filled with love and gratitude, and can see the times when He was with me and I didn't know or care, or I actively rejected Him, and I am sorry for that.  I didn't want to look at the picture as I found it painful, but God held me and took the fear away, so I could see His love there, not sadness and sorrow.  As I love my son so deeply and unconditionally, so I now see God as a loving parent to me, the good shepherd caring, guiding, and welcoming me home.

Thank you for the invitation for the retreat. I fell blessed to be part of a wider Christian community who are all on this shared journey of life. As I have started and on week 1 and reflecting back on my childhood I somehow can recall mostly sad, lonely and abandonment feelings. If only I recognised that I wasn't alone but My Heavenly Father was with me at the time. I know that now and thank My Lord and Saviour for His presence even without my awareness as I know He must have carried me through and still does all the pitfalls and obstacles which come across my life path each day. Thank you Lord Jesus for your redemption, Heavenly Father for giving me this precious gift of life and to the Holy Spirit for raising me up to a place of grace each day. Amen

I thought that I had been here before
I’d done other retreats
I’ve been fully engaged
Why do it again?

Yet I realized that my journey has just begun
And, on reflection, I realize that I have no idea where I really am
I only know that I am just beginning to set out on a spiritual journey
On a search for meaning and understanding and finding ways to contribute to the greater good

So here I go
I take a first step into this retreat
And am delighted to open it to welcoming spiritual reflections
In celebration of starting out again

I take a breath and type a thought and push send
To my fellow journeyers
“Hi”

Week 1: I began this retreat some time ago. Then the busyness of life kept me away. As I began my year at the preschool where I work I decided to return to the retreat. It was easy for this week to see God’s love in my life. I felt at every turn how much he loves me. I do not say that  my life was easy. No far from it and I have been wrestling many a time with why God allowed things in my life. Yet this time I feel his love. Let me ask you to pray for Jordan where I am from. All is well here but I ask you to keep my home town and preschool in your prayers.
Thank you,
Lana

For the past week or so, I have been reading Creighton's daily reflections.   Life right now is somewhat out of whack.  Our daughter is away from us...having just begun her second year in college.  And our son has begun his own two year process of leaving.   What will become of my wife and me?   I have given up a couple of time consuming activities....just because.  And I've been praying for the courage to listen for...and to answer...God's calling, whatever it may be.   Now I've unexpectedly found the online retreat.  Shall I join this journey?  I don't know.

I just started week 1 (Liturgical Calendar) of the Retreat and was going through the Photo Album of my childhood.  But this morning my 15 years old, pet dog Maffy,  passed away and I find consolation to go through the album over the past 15 years.  In taking my pet for walks in the early mornings & nights I was able to see the beauty of God’s creation all around me.  In the morning, the sky, the flowers, birds, the sunrise, the cool breeze,  meeting other dog lovers, making friends with little children who would call out to her.  In the evening the moon, stars, clouds etc.  I became more aware of God’s glory, and would recite the Psalm of Daniel i.e. Book of Daniel 3:52 – 87.  Giving below a few verses:

62Sun and moon, bless the Lord; praise and exalt him above all forever.

63Stars of heaven, bless the Lord; praise and exalt him above all forever.

64Every shower and dew, bless the Lord; praise and exalt him above all forever.

80All you birds of the air, bless the Lord; praise and exalt him above all forever.….

While Maffy would stop to smell the grass and sniff at the ground, I would look around me and praise my Creator and thank Him for all His gifts of creation.  Today as I go through the photo album of these  past years I can thank God especially for the gift of ‘Maffy” to me and my family.

Dear Fellow Retreatants..
I discovered this online retreat through a Facebook friend and although I decided to officially begin this week, I read the material for the first week last Wednesday and began to reflect on my earliest years. To my surprise, the next day I was invited to join a “Back to the town where I grew up” Facebook page and everyone from my earliest years (and even before that) is posting memories and photos that so many of us share in common. So many memories are now surfacing that I would never have remembered on my own! God is so good! Blessings on all of you as we begin this journey together. The Lord is with us... going before us to prepare the way!
Peace,
A fellow traveler!

I know it is only the start of week one but I felt very emotional thinking back to my childhood.  I was very spiritual when I was a young boy.  In fact, I considered being a priest.  So many things changed and not for the best.  Oh how I wish I could tap into my younger years especially my deep faith.  Life tends to make us suspicious and cynical.  I want have the child like faith such as St.Theresa of the Child Jesus.I looked all old photos like the book suggest.  It made me happy and yet sad at the same time.  Are these contradictory feelings typical?  I also though of my won children.  I hope that the fears and anxieties of my childhood will not pass on to them.  I pray for God's grace in this first of many weeks.

This is my first week of the retreat.  I read with some difficulty "The Courage to Accept Acceptance", for it spoke quickly to my core.  I will need to read it again, later, when I gather my wits.  I am not looking forward to looking at my life's album. I feel apprehension, fear, sadness, and do not know where I will find God in those 'photos.'  But I know he must be, as I know He has led me here, now. I also know that He does provide for me when I have made my needs known.  I just don't have a clear picture of what I "need" now.  I am needing the grace of clarity.  I do not suspect this retreat will be easy.  I look forward to what I may gain, through the grace of God.

So many times during my life, when things were going badly, the Lord send someone to make things easier or to guide me.  Of course I didn't realize it at the time, but can see it clearly looking back.  For instance when I was very depressed with 4 young children, a kind doctor suggested I go to work outside the home.  That cured the depression and made me me a much better mother.

Fellow Retreatants, as I begin this retreat in daily life my “secular” meets and greets the “sacred” again. I pause to remember that it’s not my destination, but my journey that enthralls me. I am reminded of the words of Ignatius: Keep your soul in peace – let God work in you. Welcome thoughts that raise your heart to Him. Open wide the windows of your soul.  Also, from Fr. Jack Zuercher, SJ:  Good and Gracious God: Thank you for LIFE…For THIS life…For this life TODAY…For this life NOW!
Mark, MN

Beginning today! I've begun so many times before! So many times my beginnings to kick-start my spiritual life have been short lived, I just found a notebook dated 6th July 2008. With one entry saying what I am feeling now, the need to try to be faithful to making some small changes to let God in. It then had a second entry from a month later and then blank pages. I really want this new Dawn to be better, I really want to let God in and to open my life to God fully. God help me to begin again and to truly do all for your greater glory. So let me open my photo book of my life! Thank You.

Week 1, day 3:   Every moment is a new start – a new outpouring of God’s grace and forgiveness, so that I do not have to be moulded by what has gone before – He is a constant creator, he can make me new again, he forgets my sin and never tires in starting again to make me in his image.  I am not tied to my past, to what I did and what was done to me, what I saw and thought about.  I can open my eyes, look up and see him again, and again and again every moment making a new start towards him.  Every step is new, every moment is a new life in which I can be transformed by his grace and power.
I look at the pictures in my head of the past and I am looking at a stranger – someone on their way to where I am now.  I feel sorry for her, often ashamed by her.  But she is no longer me.  I see all the blessings she had, the people who were kind, the moments she felt joy.  And God was with her as he is with me, bringing her on, guarding and guiding.
Praise you, Lord!

Week 1
I have long wanted to attend a retreat on Ignatian Spirituality.  A Jesuit-friend of mine showed me the Daily Reflections section of the online ministries.  When I opened the website I saw the online retreat and I was so excited to start.  But when I saw how long it would take,  34 weeks,  I almost backed out.  How can I finish the 34 weeks?  That's almost as long as  a baby is in his mother's womb!  
I know the Lord will lead me the way,  all the way to the 34th week. He will not only be waiting for me at the finish line but will be rooting for me along the way till I reach the 34th.
It was so wonderful to open the album of of my life.  I am amazed at how the brain can store so manfy memories. And yes,  the pain brought about by painful events of my life were also there.  Through all of them,  my Lord and my God was there.  Keeping me in good company,  rejoicing with me in my victories and crying with me during the dark times.  HE was embracing me like the baby in his mother's arms.  Back then,  I didn't know that HE was there.  Only now,  in hindsight,  do I really understand that HE did not abandon me.
Lord,  help me  go on to the 2nd week.

It is my 7th day of the first week of this retreat. I started this because I am in a state of desolation that had been on and off in the last few months. As a psychiatrist who practices what I teach, I had writrten the story of my life over and over again in the many journals that I had written through the years. Despite having grown up in spiritual direction as well, this week made me once again realize that I had been raised and continue to believe that I have to earn God's love. It is easy to believe that God loved me before I was born and He knew me by name and that He is always there with me in joy and pain, success and failures. He has never left me. My struggle at this time is to not only know it in my head but feel it in my heart and live it in my being... at all times, not only when I am well but especially when there seems to be nothing happening in my life outside... One gift from the Holy Spirit this week is the comfort to realize that God designed this time of my life to stop me from being busy in life so I can again be busy inside (inspired as in in spirit)... a lot of growth inward is what He wants me to do for the moment. Please help me pray that I learn how to let God lead me completely in His time rather than forcing Him to lead me in my time.

Week 1: Today is the first day of my online retreat.  As I was mentally viewing photos of my young life, I saw 2 photos of me as a child in school, and I remember being hungry and d id not have enough cash to buy food.  I then asked the Lord. "where You there Lord?" i remembered the guide for the week says, just than the Lord.  Then i went to suggested readings and i came upon Luke's message, do not worry about what to eat and drink for Your Father knows what you need even before you ask Him.  Suddenly, i was sobbing and scolding God why, and at the same time thanking Him, because I am way beyond hunger and want now.  Thank you Lord.

I am completing my first week of the retreat.  And, some of the photos of my life are very depressing to say the least.  But, I learned after watching a television program last night and reflecting on my readings that forgiveness is accepting that there is nothing you can do to change the past, so you just have to accept and let it go.  But most importantly, that past doesn't define you.  God gives us grace and mercy each day and He just expects us to focus on This day--- not remain annoyed or agitated about yesterday and certainly not to worry about tomorrow.  So I release that past from me.

Week 1: I think anyone looking at my life would say that I am truly blessed. They would be correct. Then why is it that when I reflect on my life, I focus so much on the embarrassing, negative, painful incidents? Why do I have such a hard time remembering the good in my life? Lord, please help me to focus on the good in myself and others.

Week1:
I have just started the online study. My parish priest suggested I learn about the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola and a Google search led me to this site. I think that is an amazing example of God's grace right there! I have just finished weeks one and two. I am so amazed, looking back over my life, including the painful times, how I can see God's hand at work in what happened, even though I often didn't sense or acknowledge His presence at the time. I realize how rich my life has been, in both good and bad experiences. I feel like I owe God a lot of "thank yous" for being there, even when I didn't acknowledge Him. Although I wish I had lived a more godly life up until now, I really feel God's grace at this moment. He has loved me and loves me still, even though I fall woefully short of his goals for me. I am really jazzed - that is the best word for it - to continue on this journey. Thank you for this online retreat.

Week 1:

The first week is coming to a close.  Father, I acknowledge that I did not begin this week with any great excitement for the task.  Although I had been eager to begin, having planned it for several weeks, the first step seemed much too mundane and ordinary.  In my professional life, I have taken many people through the photo album of their lives, and watched you bring healing as Jesus revealed His presence in the most tragic of circumstances. What could I possible learn by applying this to myself? There has never been any great trauma in my life, and besides, I had already done this task in bits and pieces many times throughout the years.  Why once more?  But Lord, how great is your wisdom.  I end this week much more humble and grateful than when I began. Not because there were many "eureka" moments when I discovered you where I hadn't seen you before, but because you used my obedience to draw me so much more deeply into the awareness of your closeness to and love for me.  This was truly most unexpected, regardless of the guides and helps that said it would be so.  Lord, forgive my arrogance, and thank you for your great joy and delight in me.  Thank you for not only being present to me, but also for drawing me into your own personal space this last week. You have opened within me a deep hole, a well of longing that I know only you can fill.  Help me to be faithful to the calling of the next thirty-three weeks.  I desire every last drop of grace that you have in store for me. Amen.

Week 1:
During my weekly twelve step meeting this Saturday, I streamed through experiences of particularly grievous instances of "acting out" my addictive behavior.  I am sober now, and have been for over fifteen years.  In the past when recalling such experiences I have shuddered, tumultuously.  I haven't revisited them much because of that.  But this time, with memory after memory, I stood outside each one just contemplating them.  Each contemplation took the form of an image -- like paging through the suggested the photo album, though interestingly this was before I had heard of the "Photo Album" method of reviewing the past.  Each photo and all of them together left me with a feeling of peace and a sentiment of gratitude.  The peace resulted from recognition that, "yes, I've been through this crap -- but now I am free of it, and simply do not want to have experiences like this ever again.  The gratitude was in recognition that by the grace of God I am sober.  Still vulnerable, but sober.

Week 1 - Day 1:
This is my first day of a new journey.  I'm not sure how I feel right now other than eager.  God has always guided me in smooth paths and He has guided me to this retreat.  He has set me on a gently winding path so that I can see the first few steps; but what is beyond that is known only to the Divine Majesty.
To be honest (as if I'll be anything but, right? :-D), since I don't know what I'll be feeling during the next weeks, I am asking the Holy Spirit to grace me with the gift of openness to the other graces which I will receive from the retreat and to let them impel me toward a closer relationship with our Heavenly Father and his Son.
God's blessings to you all.

Week 1:
As I go through the memories of my childhood, I am struck by the fact that God was present to me even as a very young child.
I have often wondered why I was so attracted to prayer and the Church at such a young age, and then I recall some very painful times where the Lord was my only consolation or help. 
There is my answer.  God knew that I would need Him, so He always made sure that I was aware of His love and presence.  I remember being surprised as a child that not everybody was aware of the God's presence, and wondered how they could possibly survive without knowing his love.
I have been praying for the Lord to teach me how to serve Him, and I think that I'd have to say that school is in session. I feel as if I am on the road to Emmaus, and that my eyes have been opened.
Father, thank you for walking with me, holding me when I was broken, and teaching me about love.  
Dear Lord Jesus, thank you for giving up your life for me, for saving me, and for teaching me.
Holy Spirit, thank you for making my heart burn with Joy and gratitude when I consider Jesus' gift of Salvation, and for giving me the desire to share that joy.  
I still have so far to go.  Father, please train me to be your servant.  Glory to you forever.

Week 1
Hi, I am Mary in Texas.  I started the retreat last Sunday.  The concept of having a background to our daily thoughts and events has given me a special Grace of seeing God's Presence is/as sustaining, protecting and permanent.  Yesterday, 09-05-2011 the wildfires here in Texas overwhelmed my family home and our entire neighborhood.  Everyone escaped.  For about 45 minutes after everyone was free, the crisis persisted with threat to our homes.  We were certainly covered up and carried through this event.  Our home was saved.  Everyone was safe and the Glory Goes to God!!!   As I enter this second week of the retreat and consider "going deeper" into the insights and desires I have become acuity aware of this week.  I am inspired that I don't have to be together (perfect) to be grateful.  Peace!!!
Christ's Servant,
Mary

Week 1
I started this Online Retreat and I was surprised to see that the first day's -- Our LIfe's Story -- references pictures. The project that I am working at present is sorting all my family pictures -- the earliest to the latest -- in preparation to create several scrapbooks for the family.  Also, when my sister, Violet, passed away -- I asked for all her pictures -- the ones that other in my family had not wanted to keep. My sister, Lorie, sent me the pictures some time ago. My plan is to create a scrapbook for Violet and her pictures. I miss my sister Violet -- she was 19 years older than me so I didn't really know her until I was older. She died when she was 69 from uterine cancer. Though we did not have the best of relationship at times, she was still --- my sister.  We corresponded through emails in the years prior to her death, and I was thinking of printing out some of the emails to add in the scrapbook.
I do believe that the Holy Spirit was guiding me as I was gathering all these pictures for the scrapbook. In the box of older pictures I found a journal I had written over in 1996, 1997, and 1998.  I had written notes then I was searching for a Spiritual path -- and I had studied a small portion of Catholic teachings as well as other spiritual disciplines. Of course, I never stayed with anyone of them -- wandering the spiritual "bookstores" for another 11 years. I became busy with a new job shortly after I wrote that journal -- a job that I stayed with 11 years. My employment with that job ended last year -- the longest job that I had ever held in my life.
Thank you,
Dora

I am coming to the end of the first week. What a week!!  Overcoming last week’s confusion and recalling childhood memories was a good way of healing by our dear Lord who holds us in his hand.  Good to address some of these issues and thank God at the end of the day. The week has been so good for relationships with all those around me and close to me and has brought much happiness and contentment – Peace to describe.  I think self-worth seems to have counted. I was in hospital for a day last week and my doctor has been helpful re my cardiac problems.  Have been able to go out and about as miraculously my husband seems to understand I need some help and has accompanied me in shopping etc. Have walked more, gone to Mass as frequently as possible and have gone back to our old Church where we lived before where everyone is kindly.  The priest stopped me in a shop to say how much he appreciated my reading.  I am not an official reader but he thought the way I read is lovely! I told him it is a privilege to read the Word of God. It should prompt me to ask can I be a reader. The children have each been in touch so that is good.  I do have All our hope on God is founded in my head and also Walk with me and have memories of my teens at school.  A boarding school for young ladies which did nothing for my education and because I was advanced in this when I arrived I was put up to a higher form with girls up to two years older than myself.  Therefore, I had no friends.  I left at an early age because my father ran out of cash! I think it is sad that I don’t see the friends that I made in a lower form – they are all very wealthy coming from Lancashire and Yorkshire industry families – they ceased including us in meetings after school as they said they thought we couldn’t afford it.  They didn’t tell us this until I found out that they were all meeting up and not including us!!  I think I am still very hurt although I went to an Old Girls’ meeting this summer and felt quite independent of them – must have moved on! Surprised that there was no envy of their very smart clothes and hair do’s! Some of these things are to do with Catholicism as I became a Catholic at 19 and lots of people don’t understand this, especially those old school friends – this was marked with one of our last meetings together when the subject of Mandela came up.  Lots of the menfolk had investments in S. Africa and thought of Mandela as an enemy to their wealth. Oh well, we can’t agree with everyone but have to leave behind some and take our own road.  Catholicism has been a source of great joy but great sadness as our one and only grandchild was baptised in the Church but since her parents divorce is not being brought up as a catholic – I am hated by her Mother’s family for my Faith and am told – we don’t do prayers by my son when he has the little girl to stay.  I leave her in the hands of God she was baptised on the Feast of the Sacred Heart -  there was a row over the baptism as the Mother wanted her to be baptised in the Anglican Church by the Jesuit Priest who had married them – he was poorly at the time and going blind and had sleepless nights because he couldn’t do this priestly function in another non-catholic church and offend the vicar.  Consequently, we didn’t see our grandchild for the first four years of her life.  We now have the son concerned with his child when it is his turn to have her and put them up in our caravan in the grounds of our little cottage – lovely space – idyllic surroundings.  The local gossip is that they are living in a caravan with no facilities – it is quite good to be so despised and rejected and makes us closer and closer to our blessed Lord who rains down upon us countless blessings and consolations as have been portrayed in the past week!! Now embarking on week 2 of the retreat.

First week  - getting  in touch with the Exercises of St Ignatius on his feast day 31 July
2011-08-02
Feeling very distressed over relationships with one of the children, due to his relationships!
First week day 1-
Unable to concentrate but turned to prayer calling upon old SJ friends – decd. To guide me, my sp. Director in particular from the past.
Went to Mass each day for three days and offered  myself as a sinner loved by God. During the last of these days had a visit with my medical practioner – this pre-booked necessity due to reporting E.C.G. results from previous week. Felt very vunerable but was cared for – cardiology appt. Pending.
Whilst at Mass prayed to St. Jospeph re domicile as unsuitable because of ill-health of husband and I.
Result led to Estate Office where realised that where I live as tenant could be given to my son as he is divorced and has impoverished himself in supplying house, car and income for his wife and dearly loved child and therefore needs a home himself.  Go back and live in town – providing easy move because could leave much property behind in house for son and grandchild.
Was disturbed by suggestion to look at earliest memories – these are prompted by temptation to dwell on Mother’s announcement at a later age that I had been an unwanted child. – My sp. Director had suggested that Romans 8 provides the antidote to this that nothing can separate us from the Love of God. This was the 18 Sunday’s reading!!
There were other memories – delightful – crying in bed and being covered and comforted by ‘a cloud’ – aged about 2-3. Wandering alone by the river and watching a butterfly/dragonfly immerging from a crysallis on the branch of a tree overlooking the river. 
Having realised a move back to town from the country and providing my son with a home at the same time seems to be a possibility and one with which my husband is in accord!! Unusual for him but he has so many problems both physical and mental.  Further it would be o.k. for me to live alone there, not here as it is a very remote place and not readily accessible.
Will await further progress.  Nevertheless had prayed at the beginning that despite my depressed  state still realised that All my Hope on God is Founded – He does still my Trust renew – Me through change and chance He guideth ......etc. lines from the hymn.
As I write and when I awoke sang in my head as is my wont – Walk with me Oh my Lord thro’ the darkest night and brightest day!
Also my other son with his difficult relationships telephoned a kindly phone call last evening which put my mind at rest. Realise that God always answers my cries for help and renews my love – I think this is also the effect of agere contra as in the exx.

Week 1

Have listened to the audio and realise that I am only at the beginning of this Exercise! I have only got as far as my teens!!  However at the end of the period my life as a catholic began as I went into my twenties. This was all an exciting time as I had my working life and relationships with MEN.  At first I didn’t want to marry but wanted a religious life.  Throughout all I was conscious of those who were deprived in some way and wanted to help them.  My working life was in law and I was good at it but refused my articles because although I worked hard in the day I wanted to go out and enjoy myself in the evenings.  Therefore a pattern came about of working hard and playing hard and I enjoyed every minute of this with my friends, always conscious of the times when things were not in accord with my Faith and that these could lead me astray and away from my Lord and turning from Him although knowing He was there as He would call me back consciously.  I now express sorrow for the times when I turned away and was wilful and not self-regarding in my relationships with Him whom I love more than life itself and who now guides me and keeps me and feeds me at this glorious most special moment as I write. Thank you Lord.

Week 1
My earliest memory was of being in my crib and hearing my young parents fighting. Not so good. But then, my next memory is of about age 3. By this time, my parents had divorced and my mother had deposited me with HER parents when she moved away to be with her new husband. My grandfather, my primary care taker, would warm my clothes in the oven on cold mornings. I would get out of bed and run into the kitchen, where he would dress me and have hot oatmeal waiting. What a blessing he was in my life! I had thirteen living grandparents when I was born. Hard to believe, but true. Between them, they all filled in the void left by my absent parents. I'm so thankful for their nurturing care.

Today is the first day of the first week of my 34 week Ignatian Retreat. I am so grateful to you to have the opportunity to make this retreat. I was happy to become aware of God's 100% love for me. That he knows everything about be and still accepts me. God is the fulfillment of my dream to find someone who truly understands me.
Thank you
Sunita

Hi, Mr. Paul . Today is my first day of week 1 when I happen to read your question about understanding  God’s love. I hope that my humble reflection from my personal relationship with God could shed some light.

I have never doubted God’s love for me even as a child who was constantly harassed and bullied for not being pretty. I never took it against Him if I had been maltreated. All I know is that He is all good and will make things right for me. As I was growing up, I could not help but look back at how he has blessed me in so many ways- the loving people He had sent my way to heal the wounds of my childhood, a family to love, a Catholic education and the rest too many to enumerate. How could I deny that He loves me?

Did I feel His love for me on a personal level? How could I not when I have seen and tasted His goodness. The love He gave was directed to me at that perfect time He chose. I once asked Him: Why love me when I do not deserve Your love? His answer: It is not about you deserving My love; it is about Me loving you unconditionally.

Give God A Chance

Week 1: Today I begin this retreat asking for God's grace. The photo album of my life is opened. My infancy and childhood were filled with moments of warmth and love and acceptance at home especially from my grandmother. Enveloped in her arms in her rocking chair I felt totally loved without question or reserve. Other times I felt it necessary to try to earn that acceptance by behaving  a certain way and I never measured up. "You are bad and I am going away and never coming back" was a painful message I got from Mom at a very early age right before Holy Week and Easter. I received this message while crying uncontrollably in the garage while trying to keep Mom,suitcase in hand, from driving away. It turned out she was really going to the hospital to have her gall bladder removed and she later con forted me. I felt I was not worth anything and was being abandoned. " What did I do wrong?" I thought. I was scared and confused.
How consoling it is that God will never do that and threaten to take away his unconditional acceptance !  I struggle to believe God is bigger and better than my lack of acceptance fueled by this kind of experience in my childhood. I struggle to forgive those who threatened to withdraw their acceptance, to move beyond this experience and grow. May I receive the grace to accept myself and others.
Amen!
- Dave

I have finished the first week and found it a little cold, or something.  I was surprised by some of the things I thought of, and enjoyed thinking of some things, like my and my wife's courting days, but overall I found it a little boring.  Much hope for this week.

  I began the retreat on Sept. 19th (beginning of the litergical year) with the hopes that others would do so as well.  And although we may be in different places and different time zones there would be community in our reflections and prayers.  Some of my growing-up memories from last weeks reflections I feel would be best left undisturbed, but it was in those difficult times that I began to cry out to God.  Standing outside my bedroom window having "snuck-out", 14 years old, smoking, I told God that if He was there... then show me.  That was the first of many cries.  He has shown himself to me, many times and continues to seek time with me and show grace in my extreme brokeness.  Bless us God, bless those of us on the journey.  -Susanne in Switzerland

Week One
From my childhood, I was constantly plagued with feelings of inferiority and always being just second best.

I was not being truly humble nor honest when it seemed I was almost always apologizing for my gifts and talents. I wanted to fit in. I did not want to stand out. Now in my early senior years, I am beginning to see those attitudes as often resent-filled pride in reverse laden down with selfishness, ingratitude, and insecurity totally lacking in the confidence that God would use me as He would and always bring good out of any situation but this He did accomplish in my life quite often without my knowledge or full co-operation. He was always more than willing if only I would let Him. What a painful journey it has often been to come to love myself as Jesus loves me. Now, I can finally rejoice and sing---"This little light of mine. Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine."

When I gazed at the picture of the baby being lovingly held by its mother, I wondered if I was ever held, loved and comforted like that baby seems to be, and immediate thought brought sadness when I realized, probably not.    The next morning as I was preparing to go to my mother's house and prepare her first meal of the day, something I have to do out of obligation and love rather than doing it lovingly.  It was then that I realized that my response to my mother today is probably stemmed from her lack of intimacy with me as an infant.

week 1: when i think of myself as an infant, the image comes of my mother with my first son.  I was anxiously trying to DO everything I could think of to take care of this little baby. The way she gazed at him, drinking him in, made me realize she had looked at me that way. I learned through her that my most important function as his mom was to really see him and love him.  I had never felt UNloved, but was overwhelmed with gratitude that I had been awash in such love and  never really appreciated it.   I have come to believe human love is an 
imperfect example of God's perfect love, and my realization of the enormity of that is dependent on that experience of my dear mother teaching me by example how to simply SEE the beloved.

This is my first day of my retreat on week one and I feel many different things but farmost as I listen to the prayers and stories I realize how much I have ignored God and not allowed him into my heart. I stress so much with everyday life and for what?? I don't feel any better at the end of the day instead I could end it with a prayer. Going threw the photo album will be a task for me but one that is necessary and I will ask God for his help everyday as I reflect my years of growing. This retreat for me is very important as it is not something I have ever done before. I feel that I have lost my way and my faith but I know if I ask for God's help he will help. My goal is to understand where I go from here.

WEEK 1: Lord I am here. Be with me as you always are. Thank you for this retreat. Thank you for my childhood memories for they are full of love and laughter and above all, Your blessings. Amen.

As I begin the first week, I am filled with a sense of gratitude for the relationship that I have enjoyed with God from a tender age. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever—I am grateful that God has been with me in both good times and bad. God did not take away the most painful times, but God’s presence in those times made all the difference. Thank you, Lord, for your love and your grace.

-Bryan

I just completed week 1 of the retreat.  Due to distractions that I used as excused this is the second time that I’ve given this retreat a try.  This time, I feel ready to commit to it and not let the distractions of my life get in the way, but to weave in the program to my life as is described. 

On that note, I was reading Psalm 139 this morning and finding myself totally enthralled with it.  I’ve heard this many, many times before in church, and there is a song that we sing at church with these words, but for some reason it really hit me today.  That God loves me, the person that I am right now.  That I cannot fool him like I might be able to fool people that I know.  I am also struck by the way that the Psalms (all of them are written) – like the way a lover writes to his/her loved.  They are written with complete admiration and praise.  So many times my prayers are about things or people here on earth and not praise to Him.  Why?  I want to begin praising Him in my prayers like the Psalms do as well as asking him for blessings. 

I’m truly excited about the adventure I’m beginning.  I already feel a change in my heart.  I know good things are going to come.

I know it's early (1st week), and I can't expect to understand. I do 
understand a little of the importance of praying, "Lord, I know you 
are with me today." Because when I really believe that in my heart, I  can give these questions the time that God wants.

Here is my prayer:
Thank you Lord, for being with me today. As deeply as my heart can say  this, thank you for what you have brought about this week to bring me closer to you. I love you!

Week 1: I started this week with lots of enthusiasm and joy in my heart because I had attended a lot of retreats in the past. So I started off by remembering myself being formed in my mama’s womb. And so on as I reached the age of 2yrs, I remembered one particular joyful moment of my life, to which I was so attached that I could not accept things after that. I continued praising God and asking Him to give me the grace to be detached and accept everything with more praise and thanksgiving. It took me two days to go through that pain, but ultimately Gods love victoriously triumphed. Even as I was praising God for making me in His image and likeness, this was the first time, I praised God for  my skin, my hair, my eyes so wonderfully and beautifully made. To accept myself the way I am – so difficult but not impossible unto the Lord. I thank u Lord, and give me the grace to continue with this retreat with the power of your Holy Spirit and with the intercession your dear Mother, Mama Mary with all the angels and saints.

Week 1:I've gone through much of my history through other prayer, and I found what I got out of this meditation was not a sense of my own guilt or shame in things I've done, but rather an understanding that I did what I did because I didn't understand who I really was in God.  Looking back on it now, I see that I was looking for love outside of God in a variety of ways, all of which was destined to fail.  I now see that my identity is in Him, which makes all of those other events irrelevant

.Week 1: My first week which ended last Saturday was the blessed day my daughter brought into the world a precious son and my grandson.  Her daughter is only  19 months old and at the Mommy clinging stage.  As I reflected this week on my life, both happy and sad times, I couldn't help but feel such an overwhelming and abundancy of love for life by spending this week with my daughter and helping her adjust to this life-changing event.  As I saw this young woman and daughter of mine juggle a new infant and toddler with such patience and love, it continued to re-affirm how proud she has always made me.  The gold nugget in my life is when I gave birth to my daugher watching her grow in the beautiful mother and young woman she is today.

Week 1:  Difficult and at times painful.  I have no memories before the age of 14.  What “memories” I do have come from photographs I have seen.  Memories after that are scattered.  I became very good at putting periods of my life in a closet and shutting and locking the door early on that this continued into later life.
The events resulted in a lifelong struggle with alcoholism and depression.  I thank God for 15 years of sobriety.  I know that God has always been with me through these struggles and because of them I have been able to reach out and help others in a way I might not have been able to. 
I praise God for the beautiful creation I live in, I thank God for forgiveness and mercy and grace.  However I have lost the close connection I used to feel with God.  The gang rape of my 12 year old god-daughter has shaken my faith in God despite my knowing that people have free will and “bad things happen to good people”.   Her cries for help were not heard.