Week 2

Last day of week 2. Not an easy week to concentrate on what the picture is saying to me. There’s so much healing of memories in week 1 that the picture relates to me in the womb , feeling my mother rejecting me at my birth! However, and a big however, there’s another picture in an imaginative contemplation I have had. The Lady is  my Lady Mary! She is in the lowly stable and the Holy Child is born, wrapped in His swaddling clothes and lying in the comfort of the beasts’manger . I love myBlessed Mother so much. I tend lovinglyher tired exhausted body and wash her and dress her in clean linen. She fills my heart with joy to serve Her as my mother all the days of my life ! No regrets now,  full of forgiveness and prayers for my dead parents who cooperated in my becoming.. big thanks to the Lord who I now understand, making this retreat, loves me! ‘He leadeth me, He leadeth me, the quiet  waters by! Pat

Second week, coming to an end now, was interrupted by ill health, pain and suffering. Reflection on the Word of God in today’s Gospel, Luke 8 1-3 : Jesus, after praying alone,  tells His disciples of  His great suffering to come.

 As we ourselves acknowledge the Word of God, we see clearly that to be truly redeemed, we are invited  to join in the great privilege of sharing in that suffering.

Thanks be to God for this understanding, given to one who would control her way, instead of relinquishing all into the hands of a merciful Lord, who accompaniies us with wonderfully kind nurses and doctors whose most loving services lead towards a return to health, in order to serve each other and Our Loving Lord as He  Wills. “Thy kingdom come, Thy Will be done on earth as it is in Heaven”
Love to all
Pat

Week 2: I think this exercise helped to integrate my various conceptions of self. For some reason as I picked up more responsibilities over my life, I gradually gave up the idea of myself as a child and was only a mother/adult. I realized through this exercise that I have never stopped being a child and that this was an error. I think God wants to love me as a child. Lots of my “adulting” is just a sense of responsibility or striving to be an adult, and it’s not really authentically who I am. In truth, I am totally dependent on God for everything, and very much a child among children in this world. - Kim in Maryland

Week 2:  "I am who I am”. I am grateful for the way my life story connects me to God's presence and love in my life.  With all my struggles and all my victories. To my past, presence and future, with infinite possibilities.  Realizing that praying God’s will be in all my decisions and actions.  Learning to listen and ask.  But most of, with holy indifference, “I am” not afraid. Justa

Week 2 – part 1
As I worked on the questions for week 2, I found myself remembering more and more sanpshots – some I named before; many others I had not. There were periods in my life that I resisted remembering – I didn’t want a picture of them beause they were a reminder of difficult times. I’m sure God was there, but could not see the divine in the midst of my mess. Allowing those memories to be named as an insight or a crossroad was time-consuming, but ultimately cleansing. There is more work to be done.

Week 2 - There are a lot of painful memories from my childhood I cannot shake. Father, I didn’t realize you were with me but you stayed with me all the time, hugging me and comforting me. When I grew up and became a woman, I kept ignoring you and lived a sinful life. But you were there with me. Many events shook my life, perhaps the most painful was my mother’s death. That’s when I felt closer to you but my life still hadn’t changed enough; you were an entity living far from me. I needed you but you were not part of me.

I always thought that the happiest day of my life was the day I received the lord on my first communion. It was the day I felt more pure, innocent and deserving of your love. That day, I had this desire of receiving you in my heart and now I have the same feelings. I want you to be with me every day, every second of my life. As I am finishing week 2, I realized how much I have changed, how much you are part of me, how much I long to be part of you…

As I am finishing week 1 and edging into week 2, I have been having reminders of feelings from my past.  Like feeling photos that seem to crop up and surprise me at unexpected times.  I felt shame yesterday after a conversation that pulled up memories of my childhood.  I felt loss and sadness earlier this week after an event.  As I recall it and see it for what and when it was, I am asking God to accept, comfort and be with me then and now.  Acceptance holds a grip on me as I see it and place its role in my life. Sharing is my a step in being real with God and myself.

Week 2: This is the 5th or 6th time I have done this retreat, I keep lots of notes and expand on them each time.  I wasn’t going to do it this year, but the Holy Spirit prompted me.  I realized there were areas in my life that  I had yet to talk about with God.  So I meditated and prayed on it and He opened several areas for me, some I would prefer to forget and others that brought back long forgotten pleasant memories. I understand why He brought me to these places, we are working on them together.

I need to promulgate my sharing for week 2. The golden nugget, the unwrapped gift, the joy, the revelation, the consolation and, not least, the understanding in answer to my daily prayer, the suscipe, ‘take lord and receive, all my liberty, all my memory, all my understanding, my knowledge and my entire will........’ all these gifts i acknowledge and now return them to the Lord to do with them as he wills. Begging that all i need is my love of him and his grace for that is sufficient for me.

Growth indeed from this day forward embracing John 14:15-17. ‘If you love me.............

Answering questions for week 2, referring to week 1’s sharing of the lonely child sobbing in her bed, the lasting memory recalls the coming to her in her desolation,  the loving embrace of her Comforter. The same here and now who has been there always, down the years, sometimes sadly unacknowledged, but brought to mind in making this retreat. Eureka! Isn’t the Lord so good and gracious in his wondrous works to perform!

Week 2

Have started the retreat and sent reflections for week 2.

Trying to continue, am overwhelmed. Reflect why? Husband and me coping with a recovering alcoholic. Our youngest son. Dealing with we hope, the death throes of the final stages of alcohol addiction in a middle aged man by aged parents, adds up to confusion.

So today, thinking there is something wrong, I resorted to Luis Rodriguez SJ’s on line eight day retreat, displayed on Creighton’s site. He explains how the Holy Spirit, the comforter, cares for me because day 1 of Luis’ eight day retreat, reveals my misunderstanding of week 1’s retreat.

And so, the Lord is there with me now enabling me to recognise Him being with me ‘then’ in all my doings, good and bad. Not just being with me but loving me and holding me, forgiving me and as said already, John14:15-17, ‘if you love me, keep my commandments...........’

Now I realise what depths these words mean. They are not superficial. The realisation of the life story is apparent in that whatever is or was, flawed or not, the king of love my shepherd is whose goodness faileth never. - deus ego amo te - for being my king and lord amen.

O.k. Despite the gramophone record played over and over for 83 years by putting the blame on my mother for circumstance all attaining to the unwanted child syndrome; as today's gospel says, it was the lord who knitted me together in my mother others womb.  Gratitude and grateful for my being at last! It has taken a long long time for the revelation!! I need to forgive my mother too.

Week 2:

By God's grace I am who I am for myself today. --Richard

Week 2:

Week 2 has ended and a week which was filled with Gods love, presence and Grace. I was attending another retreat but the tenure of each day totally fitting the subject of this retreat, and I felt God holding me in His love each and every day.
Gods blessings on everyone who is taking part in this retreat Jane NZ

Week 2: As I read the shares and answered the questions in week 2, I realize I am not unique. What happened to me in my early life is not so different from others, but still damaging to the being God brought into this world.  I am tired tonight so am not going to share a lot, but I do want to say I am grateful.  Everything in my life feels so overwhelming and hard to carry but through the last two weeks I now believe that God will carry it for me to lighten my load so I can be the woman he meant me to be. My first step is letting Him lift this heavy weight.  Not  sure what this weight is but do know it is strangling me.  Thank you for being there for me to share.

In my second week, I have found a real rich relationship with God.  I just cannot wait to see my dreams to come true.  I love the questions and the signs from God.

Week 2

I am a prayer guide for the Exercises. And these past two weeks I have found myself in such desolation. I had my adult daughter here at Christmas and for whatever reason she was unrelenting in her unkindness towards me. I began to doubt (not a sign from God!!) my ability to guide anyone in the retreat, wondered whether I was supposed to even be doing any of this. The susipe seemed to mock me and I began to go inward and pity my situation. My son died unexpectedly a year 1/2 ago, my husband of almost 50 years has developed two kinds of cancer and with my daughter's unkindnesses, I felt overwhelmed and unworthy. BUT! The lessons of Ignatius are very clear about what to do and what not to do in desolation and I took those lessons to my heart ~ I have made no major decisions, have prayed more, have rebuked the enemy of my serenity, have brought back to mind the comforts I've experienced during times of consolation and have reminded myself over and over of God's enduring love for me. While there is desolation, the Exercises have taught me how to sit with the pain and the discomfort and the emptiness, have taught me how to recognize this for what it is, and not to allow it to run roughshod over my heart. I know God is with me, loves me, and that I love Him, and the rest will play itself out. I have asked for the grace of consolation, knowing it is nothing I can create for myself out of sheer determination or the like, and have prayed that whatever it is I am to be learning from this experience at this time be revealed in a way I can absorb. So while the Exercises do not guarantee a trouble free, or desolation free life, they do teach us how to manage when things are difficult, how to recognize what is happening and give us the grace to somehow find an acceptance within oneself that this is all part of the process of being human ... and at the same time, allows me to remain in love with our Lord. That is the gift of the Holy Spirit, through the generosity of Ignatius, that was given anew to me this Christmas. 

WEEK 2.  Slow but guided well.  Finished Week 2, here I found that God really gifted me with the talents to be able to understand many difficulties during my growing years. That, those difficulties are part of what I have become, being real, unmasked to be working harder to draw closer to God and his Son, Jesus.  That these sufferings are part of my self-sacrifices.  From one of the Readings, (BEGINNINGS), it is a reality check for me--I was able to release every painful thought of the past. A complete Review each day with the Daily Examen helps me to see myself, free from pains and sorrow.  Lastly, I learned to forgive those individuals who hurt me in the past, which I understand that they are also human.  That, I let my heart out open to others, particularly to my loved ones.  O, Yes, I ordered the book: Retreat in the Real World, just waiting to come in. I am really excited to go forth reading it and be able to finish more weeks of the Retreat. Manny, San Diego

I am a doctor practicing in India. This is the second time I am doing the retreat . Last time I hurried through the retreat – Curiosity speeded me up . I am going slow now. Nearing the end of second week, as I go through many incents which upset me a lot when it happened and the memories of which tormented me everafter, I now can see God’s presence there and truly thank Him. Even unpleasant happenings today have lost their sting and I can feel God’s presence and thank Him while its happening. Praying for every one doing the retreat now and also seeking  prayers.

Annamma - Week 2

As I ponder what the Lord has revealed over the first two weeks of the online retreat, I am astounded at what I have learned so far.  I have been in a counseling ministry for 6 years now and feel like I have always given my all.  Week Two has so clearly shown me that I really can’t minister to others if I just reveal my very best side and hide any flaws that appear incriminating to me.  The truth is that my clients aren’t perfect and probably are uncomfortable with anyone that attempts a flawless existence.

I grew up in a very regimented religion and was discouraged from thinking on my own.  I was rewarded greatly for following rules.    I believe that this plays a big role in why I have always wanted to operate from a position of strength.  Strength is ok; I need to remember that it is only by God’s strength that I can go forward with His desire for the ministry He has placed me in.  I’m really thankful to find this online personal spiritual retreat. 

One of the retreat’s quotes that impacted me greatly was that:
We experience infinite love within our finite experiences. 

DU (KS) - Week 2

This morning I was gifted with a memory that proves God's loving fidelity to me. I was about 8-9 years old and traveling home with my parents from a family trip to visit relatives down state from us. It was a 5 hour trip. It was before all the vehicle safety laws because I was sitting in the back seat of the car on a small suitcase. My father was driving. I was right behind him. It was a hot day and we didn't have air conditioning and I was hot. I was also feeling really sad because I had gotten my hair cut and thought it looked awful and that there was nothing I could do to but wait for it to grow back. I had laid my head back on the seat while we were stopped at a toll booth. My dad caught my eyes in the rear view mirror and told me that I was so beautiful. My family life got a little chaotic not long after that trip and I had forgotten that moment with my dad. Today God reminded me. God is bringing healing to our family in many ways. Today, not only do I adore my daddy but how much more this memory means to me knowing that my Father God was behind the comment, telling me His thoughts towards me. All the struggles I went through as a child and young adult fade in the Light of the knowing that God was with me, at every moment, preparing me for such a time as this. My confidence in the gift of faith God has given me is growing at a tremendous pace right now. God is drawing me ever close to His heart. I don't understand it all right now but I must say that I know God is preparing me for something that will bring many people to Himself and very much glory to His Name. Amen. Please pray for me. - Week 2

In week 2 the question of crossroads in my life made me realize that God's unseen hand had been at work in my life many times and He had steered me away from making some very serious mistakes. I am truly grateful for that. - Week 2

It’s early in the morning of Thursday in week two, and yesterday, while driving to work, the focus of my week 2 became clear to me. I returned in week 1 to a fact of my life that’s never been far from my mind, that I was blessed beyond all telling by receiving the gift of my particular parents. With rare exception, they embodied the very love of God for my sibs and me. (I’m the oldest of four.) I have neuroses like the rest of us, but I have a confidence and risk tolerance that can only be traced to feeling so completely safe, and watched over, and cherished when I was small. I will be giving thanks for that gift all my life!

Now my parents are aging fast, and I know I won’t have them for long. They’re physically very healthy, but their minds are failing, my 92 year old mom first, with my 91 year old dad, as we joke together, “on the same train, just one car back.” It’s affecting my mom’s health now, and she’s getting very skinny and hallucinating sometimes and generally feeling disoriented. I’m filled with grief and gratitude at the same time, and I’m called to rest in that as part of my prayer this week.

In the same moment that I realized my parents were emerging as a focus of my week, I was also drawn to the contrast with my own parenting. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been a very loving parent, much like my own parents, but like my dad, there were moments when my temper flared, and I hurt my children with my words, undermining their power and sense of self, and I’m heartbroken about those occasions and want so much for the Lord to heal my children’s hearts from those experiences. I believe God forgives me, but I feel unable to forgive myself, so that’s the other place I’m drawn to pray. (Some months ago, in an overwhelmingly difficult period, I received the assurance that, like the loaves and the fishes, “I will make your not enough, enough.” I must trust that in this, as well.)

Thank you for this retreat and for the many gifts of the Creighton Ministries community!

Marc - Week 2

I am so grateful for this retreat.  I reflect back at my life and see God’s hand in everything.  Through good times and bad, I have been molded into the person I am today.  An imperfect, searching soul.  I will spend my entire life searching.  The Bible is my entrance into the world of God.  And I love every minute of it.  I shared my childhood with my dear sister, (and later a brother) and through it all we had each other.  My parents loved us even though they did not love each other.  And I had the most awesome grandparents who constantly lead me to the Lord.  Those are my most precious memories.  Seeing the total faith of my grandparents who were very simple people.  I thank God for all of these gifts.  And I can’t wait to see what lies ahead.

It is the start of week 2.  I reflected on my whole life, 61+ years, which was not perfect growing up.  And the things I really noticed where the moments of love, where I can really see and hear God's presence in my life. In a sense, I am more connected to God through these moments than the difficult ones.  The sense of God as nurturance is pervasive for me.   It is why I believe in God. - Week 2

It's becoming hard for me to move on from an insight that I had re: a crossroads 10 years ago to the date. That day changed my life completely. I prayed before some serious spine surgery by the chief of Neurosurgery ay my University hospital. I "let go, let God" that day. He operated on the wrong side injuring my nerves further. I went from partially disabled to progressive and total disability. I legs are almost completely paralyzed. Being an orthopaedic surgeon myself doesn't help. 
Today I realized that I hated God for that and have ignored Him ever since, calling it: agnosticism. I started praying again at Thanksgiving. During this retreat I uncovered this event with all the emotions attached. For ten years I have forgiven the surgeon, putting it behind me - till now. I feel like I have to hate God for not answering that prayer. Why put myself in His hands if the result was not changed one iota? RN
OmIf you don't firmly program your children's minds with truth, someone else will do so with half-truth, untruth, and unimportant truth. ~ Anonymous - Week 2

Week 2: The two graces that deeply touched my heart this week, were expressed in one of my favorite hymns and I am sharing this with you. This stanza was taken from the hymn "Beneath the Cross of Jesus":

"Upon that cross of Jesus mind eyes at times can see
The very dying form of One Who suffered there for me;
And from my stricken heart with tears two wonders I confess;
The wonders of redeeming love and my own unworthiness."

By Elizabeth C. Elephant, 1868

Just finishing week 2
How marvellous it is that an Aussie like me can share a retreat and Gods love with you in America and other places at the same time.Week 1 was very distressing . So many blessings and so many stuff ups.Left me feeling empty,having achieved nothing that really matters in my life.
Week 2 led me to the place where the past does not matter. I might be restricted by the past but God is not. The formation and emergence continues. God can produce a new creation even at the age of seventy seven a new me can emerge which is not based on the past.I have much difficulty in seeing my value and significance in Gods life and plan.
I am ready for anything ,not knowing where the Retreat will take me. -Week 2

As a recovering alcoholic who has, by the grace of God, been dry for 35 years, I happily discovered in the early days of my recovery that although I thought I was alone and unique in my life struggles, that was not true. My fellow alcoholics stories were just “versions” of my own. I am trying to learn the same lesson with regard to the spiritual “drunkenness” in which I have spent so much of my life. I am NOT different. I deal with “versions” of the same temptations, frustrations, and feelings that everyone else does. We are truly a “Band of Brothers” in God’s army.

One of the most terrifying situations a soldier can find himself in on the battlefield is that of being separated from his platoon, his company, unable to see that there is a foxhole hiding a fellow soldier only a few yards away. That is where I am in my spiritual war. I know I have a “Commanding Officer” somewhere, but it’s hard to lean on him when I can’t see or hear him. What I need is assurance that I have, close by me, a brother who wears the same uniform, has the same mission, and is feeling his own version of what I am feeling.

I hope to find, through other’s sharing, some of that assurance. I’m only in the second week of this retreat. I need help and support to continue this battle. Don C. -Week 2

I completed week 1 and now Thurs of week 2 just starting it. I found it very difficult to begin it. Want I really want is to share this retreat with people in person. I am struggling with an unhappy marriage due to alcohol .I’m trying very hard to deal with my husbands addiction .I’m trying to find ways to grow spiritual and therefore be able to cope with my problems. I really enjoyed the first week as I knew that God has been with me on the many challenges I have met. The present one is my biggest and I have been able to cope until the last 6mos. I know God is there because I wouldn’t have been able to come this far. Ps.23 spoke to me today so hopefully it will start me on the right path. Please pray for me as I will you as we make this journey together GOD BLESS .I am so pleased I found this retreat on line Thank you for opening it up to all of us. -Week 2

This week I feel God in the overflowing love and the fear I had for life as a younger person.
There is so much love and gratitude particularly to our family members that we cannot express and this week I felt God’s presence between the spaces and the everydayness of life where you can’t always remember to be thankful. I can draw from this well as it is always there.
Thank you. -Week 2

At the end of this week, I realize that God has always been in my life on good days and bad. I realize most gratefully that He has known me fully and completely when others have not. I realize that He was with me on the absolute worst day, standing as a strong contrast and a beacon to turn around and find my way back home. -Week 2

I am coming to the end of my second week and have dealt with the most painful times in my life. I have with the Grace of God, to have at last, been able to place them where they belong..in the past and move forwards. I have realized that I am a " loved sinner" and have accepted myself the way God has accepted me, in all my weaknesses and brokenness. God has forgiven me and given back my dignity and I have been able to forgive the people who have hurt me greatly and move on. -Week 2

Hi,

This is my second week into the Iggy journey. I have yet to share with others in my church but hope that once I get the hang of it I can share it with my catechists, 5th graders and 7th graders.I have learned so much from these exercises that I get to a point where I want to teach it, but once I begin it doesn’t come out the way it should and then I know that I have more searching to do.As a teacher I want to give that grace of Awe when I receive the Eucharist. The Awe just gets deeper as I grow older and sometimes sounds a little complicated to others around me. I am confident that the Holy Spirit will help me teach bits of it as my journey progresses. I just have to remember not to get in His way when presenting His gifts.Jesus has shown me so much of his graces already and at time He even shows me the catch 22’s in my life and in the world today. I find myself just smiling at some of the question I once asked as a child and hearing them come out of the mouths of my students. The gift for me are the A-Ha moments, but find it difficult to share or teach them.Thank you so much for creating these exercise offering them free on-line to people like me who need them every day. -Week 2

Hello
Not very familiar with this computer sharing. Wonderful that Aussies and Americans and all over can share the presence of a saving God at the same time yet so far apart.
Just finished second week. First week became very depressing. At seventy seven much of the memories were about being given so many blessings and stuffing them up.
The second week however led me into forgetting the past. The God of love is continually forming us and a new creation can emerge even at seventy seven.The past is a barrier to me but not to God. I don’t know what will eventuate but it is kind of exciting to not know, yet be confident that God gives goodness , holiness and life no matter what age.
Looking forward to the rest of the Retreat. -Denis -Week 2

This week I feel God in the overflowing love and the fear I had for life as a younger person.
There is so much love and gratitude particularly to our family members that we cannot express and this week I felt God’s presence between the spaces and the everydayness of life where you can’t always remember to be thankful. I can draw from this well as it is always there.
Thank you. -Week 2

At the end of this week, I realize that God has always been in my life on good days and bad. I realize most gratefully that He has known me fully and completely when others have not. I realize that He was with me on the absolute worst day, standing as a strong contrast and a beacon to turn around and find my way back home. -Week 2

I am coming to the end of my second week and have dealt with the most painful times in my life. I have with the Grace of God, to have at last, been able to place them where they belong..in the past and move forwards. I have realized that I am a " loved sinner" and have accepted myself the way God has accepted me, in all my weaknesses and brokenness. God has forgiven me and given back my dignity and I have been able to forgive the people who have hurt me greatly and move on. -Week 2

Hi,

This is my second week into the Iggy journey. I have yet to share with others in my church but hope that once I get the hang of it I can share it with my catechists, 5th graders and 7th graders.I have learned so much from these exercises that I get to a point where I want to teach it, but once I begin it doesn’t come out the way it should and then I know that I have more searching to do.As a teacher I want to give that grace of Awe when I receive the Eucharist. The Awe just gets deeper as I grow older and sometimes sounds a little complicated to others around me. I am confident that the Holy Spirit will help me teach bits of it as my journey progresses. I just have to remember not to get in His way when presenting His gifts.Jesus has shown me so much of his graces already and at time He even shows me the catch 22’s in my life and in the world today. I find myself just smiling at some of the question I once asked as a child and hearing them come out of the mouths of my students. The gift for me are the A-Ha moments, but find it difficult to share or teach them.Thank you so much for creating these exercise offering them free on-line to people like me who need them every day. -Week 2

We are told to look back on our past life to retrieve the memories of our childhood.  I have trouble retrieving those memories. I can't even retrieve the memories of our lost daughter as well as some of the memories of our other three children.  I pray those memories will come back happy ones as well as the sad ones at once and I pray to God I could keep moving forward with this retreat. Amen

Week 2: Your Love For Me
I want to thank you Lord for your abiding love. There were many times in my life when I thought you did not exist. There were times when I thought if you did exist, that you did not care. But now I know. The fact that you are here loving me now is proof, to me, that you have always been there loving me. You were there when my soul was being lacerated by the actions of others. You were there when I had lacerated my own soul to the point that I didn't recognize myself any more. You loved me in my sin.
You saw me coming from a long way off and ran to me. You embraced me when I still smelled from the stench of my sin. You said, "Let us rejoice! For this son of Mine who was lost is found!"
You saw me in the very private and very public humiliation of my sin and said to me:
"Where are thine accusers? Has no one condemned you?"
I answered, " No one Lord."
You said, "Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more." By the help of your love and grace, I mean not to Lord Jesus. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I am nearly through the second week, and find myself overwhelmed with deep sadness. I see patterns in my life where I have worked so hard to overcome the effects of of childhood trauma, the fear, the sense of worthlessness, the shadow of despair... and now I'm seeing that the efforts I've made, the very hard work to "break the cycle" and nurture lives of joy and peace for my children, those efforts have been worse than naught...those efforts have in many ways, set up those I love for trauma and tragedy of their own. What brings me to profound grief is seeing those patterns, replicated in my children, harming my grandchildren. Where is our hope?
I KNOW our only hope is in Christ....but what am I doing wrong?  What am I leaving out? This "knowing" feels like another of the things I've tried so hard to do right, and ultimately failed at.
Lord save me, and them, please.

At the end of week 2 I have to admit that I am having trouble keeping the retreat reflections as a background to life. It is easy to give in to the urge to try and analyse and repair rather than witness and accept that there is only one just judge and it is not me.

My first "wake up call" came early this week. As I read Father Gillick's reflection I thought to myself, "I remember this ... Yes the Valentine message". I have a few thoughts about how I need to keep sending messages  ... maybe postcards to God.  But then in praying about this I completely turned around my thinking.  While my first thought was that this was about me being in frequent contact with God, I suddenly realised that this was more about God wanting to be in frequent contact with me, wanting to communicate and desiring to share His love.

This formed the basis of my reflection for the rest of the week. I feel the dark noise behind photos are when I centre just on myself (and that unfortunately is a frequent noise). But as I look deeper into the photo album of my life I feel more than blessed. I see the events and people in the context that God is using them to communicate His love. I find this almost overwhelming.

So I am thankful that God placed people in my life at critical junctures. I am thankful that he has energised me in situations of learning, creating and leading. I see also that the focus on my pictures sharpen when I allow God to be the at the centre.  Why I do not let this happen more frequently is something I really need to consider in prayer.

Week 2: Like "Bruce", I also have difficulty with the idea that God created all this wonderfulness "for me".    Surely, if I died today, the beauty of this place where I am privileged to live, the beauty would still exist for other eyes and hearts. How can this be for me, as me?  Is there not a risk of "Jesus and me" spiritual narcissism?
But maybe it's more about His bringing me here, to this place, healing me enough to be able to see and savor it.  I'm confused.....  also, maybe part of my difficulty is resistance to being gifted by such love and presence.  True, I'm always afraid that the price I'll ultimately have to pay for any gift, will be too much.  Can it be that this life really IS a gift to be enjoyed and loved?  "without money, without price?" Hmmm

It is a funny wonder to me that what I need to hear, God always tells me in Sunday mass (or daily mass).  Last week I heard in my deep thoughts and heart (which is God's), that Heaven is much more than our restricted imaginings tell us it is.  The last laborer is paid the same as the first laborers.  In my heart I heard, do not judge for myself.  God has a whole lot more to show and give.  It made me reconsider my plans, and you know what?  A peace came over me.  And I wanted that more than anything. 

The image of panning for gold especially struck me this week. I found myself sifting through my life events, trying not to miss or skip over any of them. – to look more deeply at each one – especially the more painful ones - trying to recognize how God was present in each experience.  Knowing that God is always with me helped me to see more readily the “nuggets” of gold that are slowly becoming part of my consciousness: – the more I recognize God as Creator the more I recognize myself as creature, the more I experience the unconditional love of God for me, the more I am able to let go of the controls and trust God to take the lead, and the easier it becomes to surrender myself to his good will for me.  Like “The Hound of Heaven,” God tries every which way to finally take me in His arms and hold me with His unbounded love - and I finally become a believer.  I can only thank God for this grace.  Thank you, God for being so patient with me and for not giving up on me.  Help me to keep these “gold nuggets” forever in my consciousness.    

Well – so on to week three. I found weeks one and two enormously enlightening and the question of acceptance was not one I had considered – in depth - before but was very relevant - being wanted by God from conception – which was not true of my conception in human terms. Also God’s acceptance and love me through some deeply sinful episodes in my past. I guess the tension between those two things will continue to present a struggle in both my spiritual and earthly relationships. Week three is presenting a different tension but probably not unrelated. I worry about the concept of creation being there for me and to support my living out of the Gospel. Presently that all feels a tad narcissistic! I relate better to St Paul’s concept – all creation struggling for liberation.

Val

Retreat Week 2:  "Her heart was a secret garden & the walls were very high."  But I KNOW that God is & has been in the garden with me & will help me to take down the walls. The hardest brick to remove is the first one.

Week 2 resonates with week 1 in discovery of the why and reason for hurts recalling these from life's journey so far.

Week 1 seemed to recall all the lovely things and then this week I remembered all the hurts and harms - the abused and the abuser and the suffering caused and causing. 

In confession it seemed to make me understand that in the fragility and the weaknesses of the human condition, when shared with Our Blessed Lord, it makes for forgiveness of our sins and restores us and we are redeemed.  The feelings of being unloved are wiped away as He comes to us in the Eucharist demonstrating how we are loved and like the disciples on the road to Emmaus our hearts burn within us in the breaking of bread when we recognise Him as the Risen Christ - for the Christian, Christ is always the Risen Christ. Even as a shivering babe warmed by the breath of the beasts of the field his arms are held out and he enfolds us.

I am reading from the life of St Therese of Liseux as I am supposed to be in formation as a Secular Carmelite - somehow in this second week I am drawn by her message - I had never realised that unless we recognise our weakness and acknowledge it then we are in a right mind to receive God's mercy like she says 'How happy I am to see that I am imperfect and that I am in need of God's mercy.
That is like in accepting suffering - caused by own's sinfulness too - our sorrows are  turned to joy!!'

Pat S

I had to dig deep to remember.  I found myself spending an inordinate amount of time on a memory just trying to dig up the details. But over the week as I moved on to later life, I found myself going back again and again as older memories started popping up and drawing me back in.

I have just started the second week and I am finding this online retreat very useful. I have never done anything like this before. The resources are great. I am grateful for this online resource and am learning to be more grateful and especially to learn that God loves me the way I am. It was particularly challenging to give thanks for all the painful memories from my life but I am beginning to see that God was there and had a purpose for allowing all those things to happen to me. May God bless you all who are on this journey and guide you, and thank you to all the people who publish and run this website.

Week 2:
These first two weeks have not been as easy for me as I expected! I see beautiful pictures in my album of me with my loving parents and these bring back many happy memories. I know what a gift it is to be blessed in this way and I am so grateful.  I know that I was fully accepted for who I am by my parents and grandparents, and I think I've understood from an early age about God's unconditional love.  What I can't figure out is, why was this acceptance not enough?  Why has the acceptance of others been so important to me?  Why have I so often chosen to do what is wrong in order to please others?  For now I will have to hold it up to the Lord and ask for forgiveness and healing and see what insights I receive in the weeks to come.

Week two:
This week was helpful in letting me see the grace of revisiting my past. Last week when I was in the process of the "revisiting" I was not impressed with the memories that surfaces.
Recalling the bullying and strict up-bringing left me with again the sadness of feeling unloved.
As week two unfolded, God was able to move me out of the darkness of those experiences and show me the times I was loved and cared for by parents, grand parents, aunts and uncles and teachers that in one way or another all helped form me into the person I am today.
Today I can say confidently that I have been the recipient of much love during my entire life.
I am so grateful to God for being invited to revisit my graced history.
-- Francois

Week 2: This week has shown me that God really does work in mysterious ways.  I have been so disappointed in my progress this week.  I didn't feel as connected to the readings as I did last week and even when I tried to force my self to concentrate on this weeks material, I have been so easily distracted by work or family or falling leaves, or a squirrel on my deck, a shiny penny-you get the picture???  I decided to continue on to week 3 and just trust in the process ("jump and I will catch you") and as I was making this decision and reflecting on the progress of this past week, I realized that I have restarted my daily Pilates routine and listened to the first third of Eckhart Tolle's book "The Power of Now.". Both of these things shine a spotlight on how to quiet the noise in your brain and focus on the now.  I have to say this was not a conscious decision on my part and I have this vision of God sending these things to me like special care packages recognizing that clearly I am going to need some special tools to work my way through these exercises.  I can't wait to see what week 3 holds.  Love and prayers to all those making this journey with me and for those who have provided the map of the way. 

Week 2: I am blown away by the little gifts that God is giving me as I look back at memories.  A difficult time of life was also when I felt most known by God, because during that time I had to have an outlet, so I began writing.  Getting thoughts and emotions out on paper during that time was a gift from God.  Putting things on paper and getting them out of my head, I believe, also made me feel known by God.  Going back and seeing that inspiration to begin writing is also a gift!  Life is hard sometimes, but God is good!

I am starting the 2nd week and am not sure I am really worthy of continuing. I don’t seem to recognize the graces God has bestowed on me.  I sit, read, ponder, ask, wait… read the requisite literature and still, I hear nothing.  It’s not that I can’t see the beauty of life all around. I appreciate the dark thunderous clouds; the beauty of a hawk in flight; the smile of someone passing by. But…shouldn’t there be more…shouldn’t I feel God’s presence everywhere I go?

Further Notes on Retreat 2nd Week
In the night was woken with idea of Brahms ‘In summer fields’ which my Mother used to sing – I lie amongst the tall and wavy grass ….etc. reminding me of the time as a little child when I wandered away thro’ a cornfield – high above my head were the stalks and I was missing for a whole day! Aged about two to three. I will look up the words of this song – it is good that I remember my Mother singing it and it helps to heal all the hurts and the harms of an unwanted child. She was very frustrated as an artist and resented bitterly the ties of domesticity although she was very good at it!! She resented my daughter’s success as an actor/writer saying it should have been herself!! Oh dear! I feel that singing in my head in the night of this song was sent to me by God himself.  I need to know the words of it as somewhere it speaks of ‘arms enfolding’ and I was praying for the Grace for the Holy Spirit to enfold me. Also it came in to my head when I was awakened the Ave Maria – Schubert – as it was the Feast of the Annunciation yesterday.  I visited my dying friend Anna and we were speaking of all these things such as being enfolded by the Holy Spirit.  Further it was rather hurtful that her friends and family are today having a party to which I am not invited but which Anna said I was to go.  I got out of the situation by telling the instigator of the party that Anna wanted me there by saying I had to stay home – true – to await a courier taking away a defected purchase – also my boys later rang to say they were coming today to gather the wood from the wood to make logs! I feel that the singing of these songs in my head was a consolation in the night.  I recalled the simple carol of away in a manger – be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay, Close by me for ever, and love me I pray. Bless all the dear children in Thy tender care (those dying and starving in E. Africa esp.) and Fit us for heaven to live with Thee there!!

Great second week. Learning that I am loved no matter what I have done in the past. I know that I have already been forgiven by God and that I really need to believe that. If I don’t then how can I forgive myself.  Funny how it is the little things in our past that we question ourselves worthy of Gods love. But I now believe that God has been there all the time and has for some reason , not yet be revealed, allowed me to go through the good as well as the bad. Well looking forward to the this week.
-Rick W.

Week 2: This website is such a gift from God, to be able to be at the office and able to do this…thank you...
Every time I attempt this retreat I become so angry at God for allowing children to be abused…that I NEVER finish it…
I and my siblings were abused in every way possible; for me, my earliest memory is as a toddler…although much less abused that children today…it’s left us permanently scared, as it will today’s children, and no matter what anyone says – the anger stays.
As a result of our childhood, my sister has a violent personality disorder, my oldest brother died of alcoholism - his youngest daughter having accused him of sexual abuse; he had also been arrested at a young age for voyeurism, my next brother committed suicide in 1994, he is the brother who sexually abused me…
And me, the youngest, married a closet gay who at one time threw me down a flight of stairs and strangled me to unconsciousness.  I divorced him, had my marriage annulled and managed to have 3 wonderful sons who make wonderful husbands, but none will have children because, they have told me, they are afraid they would be like their father…
When my former husband came “out” and his behavior toward our children and me became violent, I stopped believing in God completely and left the Church.
In all of this, in 1987, going to Fr. Peter M's healing Mass on a fluke (hmmm) I went thru a powerful conversion, and although it’s a very long story the bottom line is God has been soooo good to me and blesses me continually through prayer and His presence and mostly thru the gift of sanity J….but I STILL cannot get passed the anger. 
I’ve spoken to priests, done therapy and all this has made me so stable and peaceful but the anger, when I recall these memories, is very deep……I have heard from the best, Fr. Andrew A., my spiritual director for 7 years,  Fr. Benedict..and many, many other holy people, including the Holy Trinity!!!  I’m still angry, and although I know deep in my heart, the Holy Spirit is in this, I only feel freer to be REALLY angry!! I know you’re smiling too...

Week 2: is gently in process for me. I feel truly blessed to be going through these exercises both online, and with a spiritual director as my guide. I am a widower, so the painful struggle of my wife’s battle with cancer are part of my life, my context, and my faith journey.  Rather than focusing on the struggles, I have found comfort in the special love which we shared during the 22 months of her battle, where not a single day was taken for granted.  God works in mysterious ways, and those ways are sacred. Contemplating the crucifix has been a tremendous help to me this week; I've often spoken of this as a "Cross of Love", but did not view my own journey and personal crosses as such. I believe that one gift that Jesus has offered to me is the realization that my life, and the little crosses that I may have borne, have been joined to Him in a journey of love, even when I stumble and fall, when I need others to help carry my cross, when I greet others who are feeling pain. In my life, I have been the Pharisee, I have been Peter and run away, I have been Simon and wanted not to help, I have been the women lamenting Christ's journey without seeing their own, I have laid my loved ones in the tomb. This week, I have felt the chance to be a participant in Jesus' journey toward the Cross of Love, not just as an observer.

JB wrote with concerns from Week 1 that he doesn’t really have those photographic recollections of his early life.  I’m currently in the second week, but had a similar experience during Week 1 where my earliest clear recollections were at about age 7 or so.  I decided that this is “OK”. I have had interesting conversations with my brother about this, who has many memories of his youth. I do recall a happy childhood and loving parents who are still with me even in their later years of life. My understanding of this retreat process is that it is more important to spend time reflecting on our life and faith journey than any one, specific recollection.  God will provide the points of context and recollection that we need to move forward, and to be moving closer to Him.

I am mid week in week 2 of the retreat. I ran across this accidentally - or maybe not- and began because I am lonely.  I initially tried to fill that hole by getting more involved at church, but there doesn't seem to be a place for me there. I don't fit the profile for any if the organizations there and they haven't needed volunteers in any area I felt qualified for ... Maybe I haven't tried hard enough, but I feel constantly discouraged there. I am 33 and a single mother. My husband of ten years has cancer and died two years ago when my child was one year old. I'm too young for widow groups, too old for youth groups, too single for young adult groups, too much a mother for single groups... Yet I feel this constant loneliness and need to connect with someone or some community. People say God can fill that void, but I haven't felt that grace yet.  I haven't felt much grace or insight yet in this retreat. Although I am really searching for that; I struggle to balance my job and my child's needs. The end result is usually a day packed with action - not reflection. I haven't managed to put these ideas into the "background" of my daily life yet. I feel like my foreground is so full that I can't even see the background. Just taking the time to write this has made me late to pick up my child. I'm not sure what to do except persevere and pray for guidance?
Mackenzie

Hello,
I am on week two of the retreat. As I looked back at last week's assignment, I knew that I was carrying a huge and heavy cross. The cross I was carrying all the burdens and regrets I felt from my past. Through this retreat thus far, I realize that I don't need to carry that "weight" around. Those feelings I thought were regrets actually turned out to be blessings. I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't go through those tough times. I don't why I thought they were regrets back then.
For example, I was blaming myself for the break-up between my ex-boyfriend and me. He was a good person; we just didn't have the same values on the important things like if we had kids how would we raise them spiritually. While part of the break-up was my fault, I was taking the whole blame and blaming myself. I realize that I don't need to do that. Having a deep and intimate relationship with God is far more important. God will present me with someone special; if not in this life the next. I am content knowing God loves me for who I am, what I do, and what I believe.
I feel free and at peace for the first time in over a year. Some of the wiIf I feel this way now, I can't wait to see how I feel at the end of the retreat! Thank you!
Sincerely,
Amy G.

Moving through the week is difficult in recalling what I am about in making this retreat in the second week.  However the Graces become apparent as I quieten down and become more reflective.  Today I am praying with Pray as you Go and Sacred Space and reading the Gospel and daily readings via Living Space’s interpretation – I say interpretation as it is not exegesis.  It is the feast of St Clare and I am reminded to be generous like yesterday’s first reading.  I went to Mass in the evening and it was pouring with heavy rain but it was lovely to sit in the chapel before the Blessed Sacrament in the quiet of the day out of the rain and the wind which was enlivening anyway.  I asked to read and met up with the others afterwards.  I am enjoying this morning very much.  I particularly like looking at pictures of the Jesuits in Colombia on the Pray as you Go website.  A lovely picture of a Jesuit with the little children around him; he showing them something on the table – they are quite small but are all interested in what he is doing – they are relaxed and happy and the picture portrays for me the lessons to be learned of the joy of priesthood and the exercise of their vocation in this way.  I am reminded of the Anglican evensong – Endue your Ministers with righteousness and make your chosen people joyful.  It fills my heart with great contentment and peace to witness this scene on my computer.  It fills me with hope.

Interesting and remarkable process. I've done guided and silent retreats in the past--weekend retreats. This is more of an honor system and the questions require some sou-searching. I'm not projecting what could happen, yet to this point in week 2, what has happened has been and is, spiritually rewarding and refreshing, occaissionally sad, sometimes pleasant, not unlike a rooler-coaster ride--I approach with apprehension, am glad when its over, and sometimes can't wait to do it again.  Peace.

Week 2 I happended to see anorther A./A.'er sharing. While I have l5 yrs. "clean and sober" by Grace of The Master and my wife's 30 years of prayers, I am far from well. In some ways, it seems much worse. Been thru' terrible down cycle; completed first
week in middle of September. More Manic than Depressive, it seems. Without this experience, don't know if I could bear to keep on living. Something keeps drawing me to join my beloved brothers who killed themselves. They had a life similar to my
own. So many pray for me; can't let either them or Jesus down. Prayers, etc., this week fill me with hope. He saves me one day at a time each day. Can't say I'll never do it, but each day He tells me NOT TODAY. " When all else failed, His Love lifted me....." in the words of an old Hillbilly Spiratual from my childhood.

In First Week I was so deeply depressed. Brutal--sadistic--sexual molestations in my 9 to 11 year boyhood by a parish priest I thought would act as my daddy, then the horrors of 'Nam where many friends were killed  my share; sickening napalm attacks
with little children on fire running, screaming---couldn't put out the burning--- and all the rest in that dirty asian war. Then police biz in and around mean streets of the worst of L.A.; powerless to help ANYBODY, all we could do to survive ourselves. Ask myself: how did I get into such horror---all my "well meaning," seemingly worth-less life? Paid-For City, County, State of CA, US VA, etc. counselors, Shrinks, etc. don't help much. But I'd forgot about a friend that Jesus knows: a little Benedictine Nun, late 20's "psycho-babbler" who knows more than all the others put together.
She guided me to you, among other spiratual healing. Don't really know what I did wrong, but feel GUILTY of something. I do believe, tho' the old saw, " The streets of Hell are paved weith good intentetions." Please pray for me that I can fi nd my way through this jungle of confusuion to a pure faith and love that Jesus offers. Thank You and Bless You For listening to my "sniveling." HATE TO CRY, but I'm crying now in relief, release, remorse of some kind. Too complicated to analyze.Again, Thank You and God Bless You for the good you do!

I am just finishing week 2 and am so awed by this trip down memory lane and seeing all the graces there.  Many memories I hadn't thought of in a long time, some brought tears and many brought laughter and they all brought grace to me, so much more than I could have anticipated.

One of the questions this week asked when  I felt most totally known by God.  I think it was more a matter of me knowing God more fully than I ever had.  Thirty-six years ago my husband and I made our first Marriage Encounter weekend.  Up until then my image of God was as the "grand overseer and judge", involved in the big important things in the world, certainly not personally involved with me

On that weekend I discovered a God who had a plan for me!  Was personally involved with me and even better, involved in our marriage.  He wanted for us what we wanted for us!  He had a plan for us as a couple and was calling us to a broader vision of marriage than we'd ever had before.  Many, many times it has seemed that that weekend was the crossroads for me and the real beginning of our life together.  That was 36 years ago and I/we are still being graced from that experience.  It has led us to a fuller, richer life than we ever dreamed was possible.  That grace has led us to such growth, knowing that God loved us and valued us and called us to share that.  There is not a day that goes by that that grace isn't there.

One of the things that grace led us to and enables us to do is being involved in the RCIA in our parish.  The program this year is one we hadn't used before.  We began the sessions just about the same time as this retreat.  It is amazing how much they both mirror each other!  Memories and grace have also been part of these early sessions of RCIA and the retreat and the prayers and readings have reinforced and strengthened each other!  The graces have just been overwhelming. I don't know that we ever would have been able to see, much less accept the love and grace being given to us were it not for that first Marriage Encounter weekend.

Week 2: I am really struck by the thoughts this week.  For almost 2 years I am taking a slow difficult road to overcoming panic disorder with agoraphobia.  This retreat comes at a good time while I undergo counseling/therapy in order to address underlying patterns of thinking that allows panic disorder to thrive.
The therapy guides me to surface various issues and events in the past that have contributed to my way of thinking.  The insights in the retreat allow me to see how God works even in this difficult time to mold me into someone kinder, gentler and more loving... even as I struggle I feel His hand guiding me and I feel less alone and so very thankful.
For the last decade, I have also struggled with my relationship with God.  I am in a relationship which is far from ideal and although I continued to go to mass, I felt constantly wracked with guilt and fear.  I could not take communion and struggled to confess feeling I was a hypocrite.  Having panic disorder left me no choice to "cling to the Lord" and in so doing I found renewal in my relationship with Him.  That's why these lines from the readings so meaningful.

Today is October 1st, the feast day of St. Therese of Lisieux, "The Little Flower". Her short life was a story of doing small, seemingly insignificant things for others --of enduring physical sufferings as a way of appreciating how much Jesus suffered for us.To be joyful and pleasant despite constant physical pain is indeed a real virtue.To be humble but yet speak boldly when necessary is to be one of God's Heroes. 

"God's Heroes" reminds me of when I attended elementary school many years ago.One of the nuns who taught us used to read us a story each day from a book called "God's Heroes", a collection of short stories about the lives of the saints.  The story about St. Therese really made an impression on me.  Maybe it was because, above all, she knew her own limitations. She knew she would never be able to do great things, so she accepted her role as a "doer of small things".  How practical.  How down-to-earth.  How admirable and imitatable!

 I remember some of the other saints' stories, too, especially Isaac Jogues, a Jesuit missionary who worked among the early American Indians 400 years ago.  All of    us students were amazed at how much these missionaries suffered at the hands of the Indians -- horrible torture, treated like slaves, despised and humiliated by their captors.
    It surprised us that Isaac, who escaped captivity and returned to France, yearned to return to missionary work among the American Indians.  We couldn't understand why someone who was lucky enough to escape would be so foolish as to want to return and face almost certain   death.  When the nun reached this part of the story, it was like a Greek tragedy -- we knew what was going to happen.  And, sure enough, it happened!  When Isaac returned to America, he was again captured by hostile Indians, and suffered a martyr's death. We all said "I told you so!",  but deep down inside, we knew this is what Jesus did for us and we admired the self-sacrificing Love that motivated people like Isaac Jogues.
  
I think that events like this helped shape my later life.  It isn't just "take the easy path",  it's "do the Right Thing", that's really important. 

-- Joe

Week 2: I've almost completed my second week of the retreat.  Reflecting back on God's care for me, I've realized how often God has saved me both from physical death (twice) and spiritual death so many times. 
I once got up to read as a lector on Pentecost .  As I read the intro to the story of the Spirit coming on the apostles, I suddenly felt the same happen to me.  I have no idea how long I stood at the pulpit, but a doctor started forward from the back of the church thinking that I was having a seizure. 
I was aware of God in a way beyond description.  I was being called from a serious sin in which I was involved at the time that was killing me spiritually.  I began that day to pull back from the sin, but it has taken much pain and grief and several years.  Nevertheless, I am convinced that God exists and is involved in my life.  Only a few persons know of this experience as I never told the Church what had actually happened.  God saved me.  Praise be to God the Father, to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.