Week 5

Week 5

Images that represent sin of the world:  What first came to mind was the image of a prayer card of St. Vincent Ferrer where he was standing amidst judgment day (He is even called “The Angel of Judgment Day.”).  It represented such darkness, gloom, desolation and destruction.  Those representations, in my mind, are images of sin, the deepest rejection of Love, rejection of God. 

In our current times you see on television riots, violent protests, growing murder and crime rates throughout our country, abortion, disregard for our police departments and the rule of law, crisis at our southern border, extremists here in the United States and across the globe, insurgence, our politics going to extremes in either direction (with no compromise in the middle), and, of course, the COVID-19 pandemic; these are the result of sin, the fruits of sin.  Rejection of God.  (Makes me think of what Satan supposedly said:  “I will not serve!”  Pride.)  And when you see these events unfolding, if you are sensitive enough or just take a moment to reflect upon, you can feel the sin, the darkness, the evil.  You shudder for a moment, and shake it off and go about your routine life, to “sweep it all under the rug.”

The image of Jesus on the Cross, liberating us from sin and death’s threat of victory over us:  A very wounded, bloody, suffering Jesus on the Cross.  All those wounds, shedding of blood, pain and agony represent our sins, individual and as humanity’s sins.  What an enormous undertaking He did for us!  He took away our just punishment by accepting His death on the Cross and gave us a second chance, in a way.  He conquered that dreadful, final judgment against us.  He gave us another chance to love God and have another “shot at” eternal life.  But yet, sin still abounds.  It’s like, well if Jesus died for the forgiveness of our sins, why is there still sin and evil in the world?  I read a book written for kids, and the author described Satan as a big, horrible, destructive dragon taking as many souls as it could, and when Jesus died for the forgiveness of our sins, it was like a sword cut off the dragon’s tail and destroyed that dragon, but the dragon’s tail, even though cut off, still thrashed about, taking still more souls, even though the dragon was dead.  I like that analogy. 

God is so merciful to us.  No matter how many times we sin, or how bad that sin is, we can repent, and He will forgive us time and time again, that is the Mercy of God.  I know someone who doesn’t go to Confession and doesn’t even believe in this wonderful Sacrament.  This person thinks she doesn’t sin, and if she never leaves home, how can she sin (OK, but what about the times you do leave home, I screamed in my head).  I feel disappointed and sad knowing she feels that way, especially when trying to explain that nobody escapes sin, and all the different degrees of sin, venial and mortal.  I pray for her every day.  I feel such sadness for people who are baptized and confirmed Catholics who no longer practice their faith.  I feel their separation from God.  I pray for them also.  The Mercy of God will take care of these people, not me, and you kind of have to let it go and not press the issue with them, and let the Love and Mercy of God take care of it.  I know, personally, when I need to go to Confession because I do feel a certain separation from God, from venial to mortal and everything else in between.  I am given the grace to recognize that separation and run to the Sacrament of Confession, and when I leave the confessional, I actually do feel lighter and that burden of sin is lifted.  The Sacrament of Confession has great value for me. 

Sin puts us in darkness, yet our Lord’s crucifixion and death kept that darkness from growing and overshadowing our world, and His resurrection is the Light that broke through the darkness and bides us all to go follow Him.  What astounding mercy He gave us!

I pray for all of us on this retreat, that God deepens in us what He has already begun.

Moving on from week 4 last week drew a blank. True chaos caused by our dear son’s alcoholism was acute, lasting the whole week until today.

 Addressing now week 5 is amazing. I awoke, singing in my head ‘fight the good fight’ adapted from scripture. The words of the hymn brought both comfort and consolation. At the eucharist, during the week, i felt the embrace of our loving god. But that led to acknowledging my lifetimes sinfulness in all its detail down the years. Is this the cause of all our suffering today? Am i so wicked that i am led to destroy myself and give up the practice of my chosen religion to which I converted as a girl?

My son was raped by a monk at a catholic prep school and feels he was abandoned by me. Not so, the school informed me they could help with his diagnosed dyslexia.

My son’s anger upset me and he too.

In attempting to self detox he became very ill and made a decision to go to rehab. He goes on Tuesday in trepidation of course, but we are at Peace, the Peace of Christ which surpasses all understanding.

So forgiveness of self attains and the Lord  alone, not me, will be the judge of those perpetrators of evil within the church, not me.

Thanks for reading.

There is something about this retreat that keeps me engaged in it. I believe it is the feeling of companionship on this journey. I read and reread the lessons throughout the week, but if you asked me what they were about I would say, “sin” or “mercy” or “forgiveness” or “acceptance” -- standard stuff.
I believe what strikes me most about the retreat other than, it is totally well prepared and planned out is the amount of love and time it took to put it together. A lifetime of caring, praying, and self-sacrifice has gone into this retreat. When you throw in the intense amount of sharing, the mere participation in this retreat is an entrance into a love-fest (dating myself here). I pray everyone devoting time to this retreat knows not only the love of God but also his will for you because walking together with God’s Spirit is the best journey ever.

Week Five: Am moved to reflect on sin brought about by human weakness and frailties that expands to widespread social problems  such as wars, terrorism, drugs, corruption, disregard for human rights. What is shown in the photo resonates well with the conditions in the southern part of my country. And weakness and frailties are very much apparent in Philippine society right now. While some quarters are now jubilant about the "end" of work in the south, I am still wary if it will really end considering the depth of pain and wounds inflicted to the victims and affected including terrorists and criminals. And, seeing Jesus on the cross convinces me the reason why he died for our sins. I pray that those in pain and inflicting pain will come to be one in the cross of Jesus so that conflict, divisions, and differences will be eliminated from this planet Earth. Am I too hopeful? I guess this is what "unfreedoms" from the 4th week is all about. Freely I dispose myself to the love of Jesus. Lord, help me be an instrument of your love whatever and however you want to use me. Jesus please help me overcome my fears and hesitations. Amen!

Week five has been a struggle.  The paradox of sin and grace was different to grasp and fleeting attempts to think of historical atrocities made little impact.

Then this morning when I sat down in front of the window to meditate my eyes were drawn to the particularly beautiful sky.  Overcast, it was the softest baby powder blue, as if painted on with infinite care.  I was thinking how much awe and love for God it inspired in me and then in the back of my head I mused how hard it was going to be for me to look at sin again today.  Then it came to me that this same sky was there in Auschwitz, in Hiroshima, in Nanjing.  In Las Vegas.   How today it watches over Syria, Myanmar, North Korea.  I wondered if the victims would see it and find comfort.  And how the evil doers must have their eyes firmly downcast because there is no way one could see this sky and not be moved by God's presence.   I thought about how, just like this sky of His, God casts His gentle gaze over the suffering and His sorrow on the unrepentance of the perpetrators.

 I think this week is finally beginning to make sense. 

Week 5 was not what I was expecting it to be and I was not looking forward to beginning the week as I had in the past. Was afraid I would get stuck in the sorrow of remembering the horrors humanity can do. But I, with this week more than before, remind myself to stay on task. I know it can be easy to loose focus but when following the guidelines laid out for how to begin and end the day it helps a lot. I am feeling more than anything the grace of God's immense love for us, just as we are not as He would like us to be. That is salvation, that is unconditional love.

Hi, I know I’m doing this online retreat off schedule, as I decided to start in January rather than September.  But, it was recommended that we share for this week (Week 5), and so I thought I’d share a (probably not so original) thought.

This week reminded me of the phrase in Matthew (Mt 5:45) that reads, “…he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust” in that whatever our circumstances, we need to acknowledge that there is sin around us while still seeking out Jesus.

That was my initial thought.  But when I initially looked up this verse to submit my thought, I realized that I was taking that phrase somewhat out of context.  The thought starts in Mt 43 and goes all the way to Mt 48.  No need to retype here, but it is all about the need to love one’s enemies (a concept I’m still struggling with).  Specifically, “but I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.” (Mt 44-45)  In that context, it’s really about loving everyone, because the Lord seeks to draw everyone to Himself.

Thanks - Week 5

I am supposed to be on week 6 but I feel I didn't meditate enough for week 5. So I keep back tracking and not sure this is how  to do this. But there are photos of Bosnia. And I keep thinking of the greater sin of abortion. All of these babies that have never and a chance to live. I feel this is the greatest sin we are dealing with in the present time. I feel strongly about this because I had my sixth baby in 1973 when abortion was legalized. And at that time I knew someone who's parents took her to get an abortion. And she was in the same trimester as I was  and I was feeling life in my womb while another person was going through this procedure. We need to remember and pray for this atrocity to be stopped and pray for these  poor women who feel compelled to do this for whatever reason they feel they cannot go through this pregnancy.  Maybe we need to dwell on this sin that is world wide. - Week 5

I tried to do this once before and got discouraged.  I often spent two weeks on one and got discouraged.   Also, when I shared a reflection it never seemed to show up.   But I'm trying again.   This time I'm powering through.   I can always do it slowly again some time.

So I just finished Week 5.   I also read Richard Rohr's reflections most days.   This week they were so perfectly synchronized with Week 5 that I knew I was seeing a God-incidence.   All I can be is grateful.

As a beloved Deacon says, "God is good, all the time." - Week 5

Week 5
I have found this week hard.  Sin and its effects are so real these days.  Australia is falling away from Christian values and now we are encouraged, if not compelled to accept the voices of those determined to get rid of Christian values.  I am over whelmed by the devastation of war and Godless values in our world (and within my own family). I am aware of my own need to change, make time for prayer and get my life on God's track.  I pray for the grace to be who God wants me to be, and am hanging onto God's mercy for me and all of us.

This pic taken by my son in Haiti after the hurricane is my pic for week 5. Jesus stands in granite in the process of redeeming us firm in his commitment to us, while the world around us, a world he so graciously gave us, is ravished by our callousness, greed, and selfishness. Hope this helps you as it did me. RN

In the evening of life, you will be judged on Love alone. St John of the Cross

I am particularly struggling with the concepts of week 5.   Here are some of my obstructions to taking this week fully onboard:
1) My older brother was a US Marine in Vietnam and I myself have traveled the world and lived in several foreign countries.  I have spent time in Bosnia-Herzegovina, West Africa, Russia, South East Asia, UK and the Middle East.  I know that our Christian ideas of fairness are not core teachings of some cultures.  I have witnessed the unjust nature of radical Islam.  I have seen the ruin which communism brings to people and their sprit.  I have experienced the selfishness and corruption of tribalism.  Most of all, I am sickened by humanism which seems to be fostered by socialism in Europe.   In other words, there are evil people in this world and these people will destroy the good if given the chance.  Surely God has not only charged us with being good, has he not also charged the strong with protecting what is good?   War is a horrible thing but is it better to be a pacifist and let evil destroy good?   I am not sure it is so simple as saying the US should not have been involved in Guatemala or Vietnam.  Communism and its anti-religious directives are soul destroying and evil.   Would it be right for the US to have let this evil take over country after country while we did nothing?   The Bosnian war was a war of Muslims against Christians with both groups committing atrocities.   However, would it have been right to let Islam take over Christianity without any defense?    

2)  I have for many years wrestled with the thought – hate the sin, love the sinner and I can now accept this idea and hopefully practice it.   I believe the ideas of this week are similar but much more difficult to practice.  To think about sin honestly but not be negative about it?   This is much harder.   It is said that God reveals himself to little children – his teachings are simple for the innocent but they confound the wicked.   Is it my wickedness that makes this weeks concept so hard to practice?   

3) I am certainly one of those who has secretly hoped that my guilt would bring God’s pity.  The idea that this belief is selfish and misguided is not new to me.   I am encouraged to see this thought brought into the light this week.  I know I will benefit from it and I appreciate the work that has been done to help me with this. -Week 5

Each of my weeks in this retreat have been at least a week but usually longer. I found the retreat and started it early and I find the exercises I begin weekly continue throughout the retreat, at least they have so far: the retreat is becoming my life, a story of me and the world around me and how God is in both.I write this in my week 5. It began with Paris. The shootings, bombings, the needless loss of life that I think of immediately upon hearing or reading the name of that beautiful city. I didn't have to imagine the horror sin brings us all as it is on my television, my newspapers, on the lips of all. Evil and what to do about it. Yet hasn't this been the case from the beginning of civilization? Haven't we history from which to learn? Don't we always repeat the same reactions? Don't we always ignore what God teaches? Don't we react exactly the way Jesus didn't? We seem to react without thought go to the words of Jesus, His life, the way of Jesus. We react with hatred, anger, from a place of evil: revenge. I am sad. Then I hear the words of a letter to the killers from a victim's husband on his own behalf and that of their infant son. He forgives. He will not hate. He writes of a God who weeps, of a son who will grow in freedom and love. Through his words, I see Jesus on the cross so clearly, yes! Even in this dark hour, I needn't imagine Jesus on the cross. He shows himself to all who hear the words of this letter, who see the bounty of flowers at the memorials, who hear the piano player in the streets and in those who ignore curfews to gather in love, remembrance and peace. If we would all just breathe, feel our pain, ask for God's help and be still. Listen. React in ways different from all past cultures, civilizations, from the way we always react, not out of anger but out of love. Agape. That love with which Jesus died for us, forgave the thief, forgave his murderers, forgives us. Lord, teach me to love as you love, to forgive as you forgive. Might we be transformed through your death to react as you'd react so good may come of this rather than more evil. Do with me what you will. Thanksgivings for this retreat. Peace upon us all. -Week 5

Where are you going with this, this Creighton retreat, Lord? evil in the world, evil within. look at it. really look. in the context of Jesus nailing it all ... all of it... to the cross. but a sense of a thin, hazy pattern emerges... connecting them all, my sins, the world's, the cross. the one righteous act of one man changing it all, connecting all the dots. on the cross. and it isn't guilt I feel, not this tiime. it is comfort, comfort in the pattern that encompasses it all, and anchors the disorder within and without on Calvary. giving the assurances, the hope of redemption despite our sins, and because now that we see, we are missioned to try in our own inadequacy to live in a way that diminishes the evil, however minutely, by the undeserved grace of ... one righteous act, of our Lord. -Week 5

Today I understand that the disorder of sin is rooted in the thought that we do not need God. That somehow we are independent of Him. We have the right to choose, but when we don't choose His way, it is much harder. He shows His mercy when we choose other than Him. When we follow our whims, fancies, wants, desires, that we know are not His way. He understands our weakness, our need for closeness that sends us looking for love in all the wrong places, that makes us feel that we are always in competition with others and that we always have to be seen as better or the best. He understands the deepness of those wounds that are at the root of those sins. -Week 5

Previous weeks have focused on God’s presence in my life, and the goodness of creation. I had not looked ahead to see what week 5 would cover and so was surprised by the topic of sin. I am no stranger to sin. Thank God for the Sacrament of Penance. If I truly believe that I am forgiven then I should not see misfortune today as retribution for sins past. It has not been difficult to contemplate this week on the horror of what some human beings can do to other human beings. Modern media brings it to our immediate attention. We can bury our heads in the sand. Or we can face it and try to do something to alleviate suffering.

When someone else’s sin hurts me, as it has done this past month, I have tried to forgive, to understand. I had willingly put myself at risk by trying to help this person, by taking her in through a church sponsored charity, and she robbed me of money and of irreplaceable personal possessions of sentimental value. But I am stuck in a moral dilemma because the law allows me to prosecute—to seek justice. If I succeed in this legal matter the person who hurt me will suffer, and her baby girl will suffer as a result. Jesus suffered for all our sins, I know; the ones I committed yesterday, today and tomorrow. I don’t want to cause suffering. On the other hand I don’t want her to continue to think she can get away with her deceitful, sinful behavior.Not long ago I witnessed the suffering of my dear uncle, childless himself, when he was abused and robbed by the granddaughter of his long-time companion. He loved the girl as his own and wanted to help her. But she robbed him of everything he owned and bankrupted him. I accompanied him through the proceedings and took him in. She was desperate, poor, and without an income of her own; she continued to hound him until I found a place for him to live out his remaining days. When he died, I tried to reach her with the news. I fought for the insurance so I could pay his funeral costs, but I took it from her. She never asked where he was buried. Sins, small and large, cause suffering. I am looking forward to redemption, surely we will spend a few upcoming weeks on that! -Week 5

As I continue in this fifth week I realize how "little" my own world is and how I have allowed myself to not see the entire picture. This morning I pray that my eyes will become more and more open to the needs of those around me. -Linda -Week 5
LIVE JESUS!

Week 5: In “For the Journey”, Fr. Gillick says the worst sins are those we hold onto ourselves, refusing to recognize, hidden & festering at our core, not allowing Jesus to take them to the center of His cross.  So yes, the nagging, debilitating shame & focus on my unforgiven sin is exactly the opposite of what needs to be.  Fr. Gillick gives the example of a canvas in a frame. For most of us & most assuredly me in this situation, MY sins fill up the canvas, hoping the mercy of God can surround so large a field. I've just had it wrong all these years-- the reality is that the unending love & mercy of God fill the canvas to overflowing. That's where the emphasis should be, not me, never me, everything I am & have are gifts from God... I'm beginning to get it.

Week 5:
I am closing in on the end of the third week.  Although I can feel the graces coming to me, and I have an increasing awareness of God in all I see around me, I am such an impatient person that I want to be "lifted" out of myself into some sort of free floating self that is aware of God around and in me at all times.  I am too distracted by the negative thoughts about myself and the life I have led and the temptations that sometimes plague me.  I pray for the grace to be more understanding of myself, my weaknesses, and the forgiveness that God offers me.

Week 5:
I am just approaching the end of week 5.  Oddly I find it easier to contemplate my own sins than the large-scale events.  After a lifetime of political activism I have in recent years found it all just too depressing to look at, and have figuratively (and sometimes literally) averted my eyes from the worst incidents: the futility of day-to-day politics, the failure of ordinary people to see that the leaders they put so much trust in are borderline criminals, the corporate and individual greed.  I did have one moment of grace -- actually, it was something of a jolt.  I was not intentionally meditating on the Passion.  I was sitting on my morning commuter train and trying to pray, as I have done for the past year or so, as that is one of the few times when I am free to think my own thoughts.  I suddenly felt an awareness of how overwhelming it would have been for Jesus *as a human being* at the moment when he became fully cognisant of what his Father had in mind for him.  I had a sense of His feeling *crushed* by it all, and that realisation in turn to me felt like something piercing my heart.  I think it was a legitimate grace from God to have that moment of awareness.  The feeling passed -- it only lasted a few moments -- but whilst it lasted it quite literally took my breath away.

I feel in someways that I should persist with the Week 5 agenda except I am afraid that to linger too long on any one weekly theme may lead me to abandon the entire retreat.  I do not have the best track record with completing long term projects: I often, in the desire to do something "better" (or worse still, "perfectly"!) end up not doing it at all.  So after a profoundly flawed, yet also profoundly meaningful Week 5, I will move on.

Many thanks to all the people at Creighton Online Ministries for providing this resource.  K. in Birmingham, United Kingdom.

Week 5:
This week has been a sharp contrast to the previous weeks of this retreat and I was dreading this a lot.  However, the image of the picture with the crucifixion as the center focus rather than my sins and the guilt I feel over them was such a mind shift for me.  What a relief it is to realize that it is not all about me, but instead is about the love and forgiveness that God has for us. 

At the end of the week, I went home for my mother's 81st birthday where my 3 daughters joined us for a celebration.  On the 2nd night, my younger two daughters got into a really ugly argument which was very upsetting to me, but really brought home the sadness that our rejection of God's love must create.

Thanx again for providing us with this great opportunity to participate in this online retreat and Thanx to all who enrich this experience through their sharing.

This is the third time I have begun a study / exploration / retreat using the Spiritual Exercises...previously I have failed in the second week.  This "5th week" seemed destined to overwhelm me as I come out of retirement to take another clergy appointment.  Today I have to say I have or God has prevailed.  Praise God.

The challenge has been, to identify "evil vs sin" since I am a liberal Methodist and "sin" is not in my spell check.  To see God's grace in the Cross of Christ was easy but this time to see the cross as antithesis for evil has been a the barrier.  I have tried to see "sin" in the photo of a bombed community, and I have searched other images of war and refugee camps, etc seeking that which represents "evil / sin" for me. 

My husband and I served two years in Haiti prior to the earthquake which we shared with our Haitian community and two deaths of two colleagues.  That was catastrophic and chaotic but I could not see evil or sin in the event, only brokenness and pain.  I could not make the connection with Christ on a Cross OR the empty tomb. The Good Shepherd holding us and our wounded community was the prevailing image.

Last night I attended and participated with a Fair Trade Presentation and faced the statistics I have lived with for 4 years.  The scandalous numbers of women and children in the world suffering opression, slavery, trafficing, and unbelievable injustice leaped off the page into my Creighton Online Retreat thought. The hundreds of Haitian farmers, live stock owners, vendors and day laborers with annual incomes of less than $2000.00 a year flashed through my mind.  "Evil / Sin" were sudden images of oppressed and abused humanity that I have touched and lived with for years.  

Along with this slide show of evil in my mind were images of Christ on the Cross: Romaro, Ghandi, Mandela, Bico, MLK, and Mother Theresa as God's grace and mercy..incarnate.  

I believe I have successfully internalized the evil enemy (oppression & injustice) and God's Grace (those who serve regardless the risk..in faith for love alone.)

When Monday comes, I think I will be ready for week 6.

Week 5: 3 years ago our country experienced one of the most devastating floods that ever hit us.  Cities were inundated,  lives and properties were lost,  business closed.  Just every terrible thing you could think of,  happened.  Finger pointing ensued but  nobody got punished for what happened.  Every terrible thing that happened just became a number in the statistics.  How many died?  How much was lost in terms of business opportunites?  How many houses were damaged?  bla-bla-bla  Who>  what,  where and how were the questions left unanswered.
People began to ask: :"Why did god permit this to happen?"
3 yrs later we don't have the answers yet.  Staring us at the face then and now are corruption in government construction practices/policies,  illegal logging,  business licenses given away for a song,  etc.  Where lies accountability?
Is it any wonder that God permits all these things to happen?  We have been neglectful of our duties as stewards of his creation and we expect God to get us out of the mess we've brought ourselves in.
We are answerable to Him and Him alone.  Although we know that He is there waiting for us,  let us not tarry so long.

Week 5: Tragedy struck again!  We have not learned a lesson from the previous calamities that have visited our country.That picture of a war torn Bosnia is a duplicate of a typhoon ravaged place in my country.
let's not ask where God is in all of these evil things.    We should ask ourselves where we were/are in all of these.  We cannot keep blaming God.  Does he blame us?.  Instead,  he extends his loving mercy to us sinners.  And yet we sin and sin again.  We cut those trees with impunity as if there's no tomorrow.  We level mountains in the guise of urbanization and thus leaving nothing to contain all the waters falling from heaven.  We are killing ourselves slowly but surely.  
God,  help us to see your mercy amidst all the things that the devil is hurling at us.  In the light of our absence,  let us feel your presence.  That way,  we will stay focus in You and You alone.  

Week 5: When father and son are estranged, that's a tragedy beyond measure.  You hear people making stories about the son abandoning an old man.  What they don't really know is the father abandoning the son long,  long before he became old.  That's the backdrop of the sins staring at me in the face.  But as in a picture on a frame,  the frame is the estrangement,  the abandonment,  the sin.  And the picture is our God,  extending His hand to us and telling us that in His time,  through His grace,  everything will be ok.
Thank you,  Lord.  I want to trust you like Mary did when the angel Gabriel announced that she will bear a son,  Jesus.    I want to trust you like Manoah did when the angel told him that his barren wife will give birth to a son,  Samson.

Lord, increase my faith.  

Week 5:
This morning I felt so overwhelmed with current events: the recent death of my mother, the failing health of my wife, a decision regarding the sickness of a beloved pet, the house needing a number of repairs, the work involved with settling my mom's complex estate -etc.
    Then through the Lord's Word and the thoughts of others from the Creighton' online ministries, I saw an opportunity to experience the Love of God and my soul filled with joy and hope.  Reflecting on this week's retreat I see ravages of sin and evil can lead to despair but it is our trust in the Lord's infinite mercy that leads us out of darkness into the light of his love.

Week 5:
Greetings: A great week: It helped me see how fearful I am of sin, especially fear of losing control to it and my doing something very wrong as a result: I was able to experience relief by coming to sit under the Cross-experiencing Christ’s love and forgiveness of even my worst sins of pornography-(my feeling that I couldn't be forgiven these sins)- my fear of being abandoned by God-and struck down by God. I really benefited by seeing how I was in the center of the picture and Jesus was out there- centering on Jesus-letting Him be God and not me helped me relax and see that I can’t solve my sin problem-but let Him who can –and He will. Al

Week 5: I think I should say that my journey of conversion included a very deep and long reflection on sin of all kinds. I am talking a course of years, not weeks. It started before the serious idea of becoming Catholic even entered my mind. During that time, and still today, I had great respect for the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh. Using his style of meditation, I looked deeply at my own pain, and saw how not only was I causing myself pain because of my actions, I was causing many other people pain, and my actions, in concert with those of others were even influencing the community, families, and other people's decisions. And people were making decisions that were harming themselves and others. I looked deeply at the roots of these actions, how they worked in the world, in community, in family, in history, and in myself. One other teaching of Thich Nhat Hanh is to embrace your spiritual roots. He advises Christians to seek to heal thier relationship with Christianity, and Jews with Judaism, and so on. So I began to look at Christianity again. I began to see that values were not relative, nor were they arbitrary. I began to see the commandments as something more than social controls to make sheep out of weak minded people. I began to believe that God gave us these laws to protect of from the wages of sin, which are death, but also from the suffering inherent in those actions for us and all the world. This literally was something I meditated on for months at a time. So this is not new territory at all for me.
In the past week, certain things came to my attention. The death of Qaddaffi. The role of community for good or for evil in fostering or protecting families and individuals from sin. Abortion, abuse, and neglect. Sin against the first commandment, including satanism, idolotry, and the occult. Violence and cruetly committed in the name of hate and retribution...some examples that came to my attention were sins against members of my own family. Malicious acts done for the sake of hate, like those done to Qaddaffi, and others I recollected were the hardest ones for me to deal with emotionally. Even though Qaddaffi was a monster, it hurt me to know of anyone being tortured and killed in an unjust manner. One thing I felt very strongly this week was compassion for sinners. Having worked in the prison system, and having a lot of experience with sin myself, I know how sin occurs, and I know that only rarely is it a result of pure malice. The roots of sin are deep, dense, and tangled, but if you follow them, you will find that pain and suffering, weakness, and temptation, and plain ignorance of the love of God lie at the bottom.
I encountered again the idea of everyone having a "God shaped hole." During that time in the past when I was examining sin, but had not yet found the truth in Christ, I felt that hole acutely. During that time I fell into the deepest depression of my life. Through out my life I have tried filling that hole in all the ways most people do...satisfying physical desires, satisfying desires for recognition or esteem. I think we all have the tendency to do that to an extent, but for some of us it can lead to addiction, or destruction. Even now, I find I have to constantly reorient myself to God, and not turn to other things to fullfil me. It is a lifetime habit, that may never be completely broken for me. Knowing this about myself, and knowing that God loves even me, made it possible for me to see other sinners, even many that have committed terrible atrocities, as beloved to God. It doesn't take away the feelings these acts evoke in me, but I think it gives me a sense of compassion, that if they only turned to God they could be forgiven. But usually when people are in such dark places that they will commit horrible atrocities, they can't see God.I feel the enemy’s greatest victory has been convincing people that he and evil and sin do not exist in the world, or there are not diabolical influences at work in the world. In my life and through my work I have had the opportunity to spend time with people who have committed acts of true evil, and those experiences have convinced me on a deep level that mankind is basically good, but we have a tendency toward sin, and through weakness in our own flesh (including the mind) and through temptation of the enemy, we bring that tendency into fruition in sin and evil acts. I cannot conceive that there is no diabolical temptation or influence at work in the greatest evils of history…like genocides, wars, and mass murders.
But there is another kind of sin that is even more insidious. It has been said that the greatest sin is pride, and I believe that is true, and today pride reveals itself in even more devious disguises than ever. In order to understand pride, we have to look first at God, his nature and his love.
When God created everything, he saw “it was good.” God loves his creation in a way that is almost incomprehensible; however, it is clearly demonstrated in his loving acts of becoming one of us, suffering our rejection, and a painful death, for the salvation of even the worst sinners, and he asks nothing in return but that we allow and accept his love, and return it. That is where our sin truly begins.
In order to love God, we must follow his commands, and we must accept the concrete expressions of his love through the sacraments, especially the Eucharist and Reconciliation. Serious sin separates us from God, and closes us to the possibility of communion with him in the Eucharist. And although God is infinitely loving and merciful, those who believe that these acts of love are optional, or who believe receiving communion in a state of mortal sin is no big deal are putting themselves above God by presumption of his forgiveness. That is the essence of pride…assuming that we can judge God, that we can save ourselves, that we are on our own here. Like the man who spent two hours yelling at us at Planned Parenthood, many presume there is no God, or we are the ones who decide about life and death and everything else in the world.
Another facet of pride is protection of the ego. We often distance ourselves from God because it isn’t cool to follow God. I could give many examples, but I don’t need to. Another disguise of pride, is shame. If I hate myself, how does God feel about that?
God loves each one of us infinitely, so to hate anyone, including oneself is tantamount to telling God he is wrong. His creation is NOT good, or not good enough. Imagine a parent who works very hard to create a beautiful gift for their child, who then responds to the gift with disdain. Call to mind how painful it is to be hated or rejected, and multiply that by the millions, and you may have a vague idea of how this feels to God.
During a retreat Saturday, Fr. D said something to the effect that finding God in all things could be dangerous, and it could even risk ones faith. I think he was saying that if we look for God in Evils of the world, from something like Genocide to natural disasters, it might cause us some trauma. I can see how that might happen--I remember when I was suffering in my marriage and divorce, I was very angry at God. My understanding was poor. If I knew then what I know now, it probably would have been just as painful, but I think I would not have lost faith AS I DID, at that time. So I have something to add: We must not only see God in all things, but we must see Him as He really is. He is in an much pain as we are when a loved one is murdered or lost through a natural disaster, and He shares our grief, and feels it intensely because of his unbounded love for us, and because HE WAS ONE OF US. He is there in the pain, to be our comfort, and He is there for the ones we have lost. When people ask why God allows evil, the answer is free will. Without free will we are not created in the image of our God. With our limited minds we may not always see God as He Is--his love, his compassion, his tenderness. But if we do see it, that is all we need

As I begin week 5,I felt a profound relief to read of a recognition of what our society has lost”-a sense of sin”.I have felt like a loner when I was not interested in the things of today’s culture that are embraced and celebrated by  friends and family-and made to feel judgmental when I spoke up about my concern for the sin in our world,the evil.I have felt a sense of sin in my world for a long time and it has made me extremely depressed.To now try and focus on the positive ,forgiving grace of God is itself a profound grace.Grace enough.Now to capture that feeling of joy that comes with God’s forgiveness,that is the challenge for me this week.

Frankly, I find that reviewing my sins at the end of the day (Week 5) to be counter-productive.  I am self-critical by nature, and reflecting on my sins pushes me away from, not towards, God.  Am I the only one?  Should I give up doing the online retreat?

Week 5 Whenever we see or hear about injustice in the world about us, we should be driven to retaliate. Indeed as Christians are we not commanded to retaliate as Jesus did? We must retaliate with Love. Otherwise, it may simply mean that I do not care enough.

 In my own life, not caring has proven to be even a greater sin than hate itself just as I have often thought that Peter's act of Denial was a far greater sin than Judas' act of Betrayal. "I don't know the man. I've never seen him before. I don't know who you're talking about. I don't care what happens to him. What does any of this have to do with me? Don't bother me and don't disurb my little world."

 Time for me to take the blinders off and pray for more love and caring in this world of our's. And time for me to pray that in some small way that I may be an instrument of His Love.

 My physical and spiritual vision is not always the best. When I first glanced at the picture of the little Bosnian village, I entirely missed what must have been the shear horror of that event. At first, all I saw was a beautiful idyllic scene of a few houses craddled safely in the mountains. So, what's the problem? Then I looked closer and deeper into the picture and saw the stark destruction and depravity. It was kind of like looking at a beautiful golden crucifix and being blinded by the brilliant glow of the metal. Almost pleasant to behold until I look deeper and realize that it represents another human being just like ourselves hanging there broken and bleeding secured to the wood with nails that had been hammered into His hands and feet.That Cross is no longer a display of jewels and precious metal but rather flesh roughly matted to the splintered beams of the Tree. I pray that as He was nailed to that Cross that He fastened all my uncaring with Him as He continues to retaliate with Love.

Week 5 Sharing
Dear Lord,
Praise, love and thanksgiving for the grace to continue on this retreat.  I feel your grace constantly abiding.  As I heal physically, I heal spiritually and emotionally.  Thy will be done.
I have experienced sin in the pride, arrogance and need for power and control of two men creating organizational division, slander, pain and hurt feelings in Couples for Christ, an institution created for your glory in the service  of the poor.    And how you bring grace to those who remain rooted in You.
I have seen in my monitoring visits to the countryside how poverty diminish hope and self-esteem and how unjust situations caused by greed create despair and violence.  Mercy and love continue to be your response among the faithful.
I thank you Lord for this moment of reflection in becoming aware of social sins and how your loving mercy draws us back to eternal life and transformation.
I praise and thank you Lord for your drawing power to help me achieve Your purpose in my life.

Week 5 is very emotional to see all that we do to ourselves and our neighbors; but knowing that Jesus inspires others to give up their life just as he did, does bring comfort and hope in the future.  My cousin, who does not know I am doing this retreat, sent me an email today about how the Holocaust is being debated about in other countries.  60 years after the end of the WWII and countries are claiming it never happened and wanting to remove it from their history.  I look at the pictures and wonder how we could do this to each other, then I look at the picture of the Bosnia bombed out village, or just turn on the news and it all lays out before us.  Our world leaders, from the very top to the local officials chose to do these things in the name of progress or economics.  Right here where I live, we have homeless people living in the woods and our city officials refuse to allow shelters to be built claiming there is no need.  People go hungry from farmers or business owners deciding not to pay the people working for them. I know of an business owner that brought 30 people here to work, worked them 2 months and then said sorry we are closing the factory you must leave the housing units by tommorrow.   Now here they were in another country, no money, no place to stay and no way to get back home.  Did it happen a long time ago? No it was just two years ago.  Our church brought these men and women to live with us, we gave them a place to stay, food to eat, and helped them find work so they could earn the money to get back home.  They did not want handouts they came to work.  We worked with them.  This is how I can look at the pictures of this bombed out village or the pictures from the Holocaust and know that God is there.  His children will step up and reflect the gift of love that he first offered us.

Week Five: As I read and reflected on the material this week I was made very aware of my part in the sinfulness of the world. I help to fuel the greed of global corporations by being a voracious consumer. It is true that I don’t feed on market advertising as most but none-the-less I contribute.

I spent the last few weeks looking at the love God holds for humanity. I’ve read the Old Testament and seen how God has refrained from annihilating what He has created out of pure love. This week I am asked to look at the abomination humanity has once again become before God. I am part of this abomination by following in the world’s ways.

The lust for power that is mentioned in the ‘Getting started ‘article I recognize in my own life. It is a control issue for me. It is as if nothing will happen if I don’t have or take control of the issues that affect me.

The evil this world is experiencing today I see as a deception into believing that Satan is in control but as told in and throughout scripture, countless times; Jesus’ death and resurrection have won “the “victory over evil in the world. It is time for me to wake up to that fact and begin to act as a proponent in the spread of this good news.

In one of my prayer experiences a few years ago I was very much beating myself up, over my sinful state, when that still small voice within said ‘if you weren’t a sinner you would have no need for me.’
I take that as God telling me that my need for relationship with my creator is immense and my daily visits are not optional but necessary.

This retreat experience is bringing back many memories of past prayer experiences. Until now these have been good reminders of the goodness of God in my daily living.