Week 9

The richness of week 9 is a merry go round, back and forth is the experience, from bad to worse and back to calm and equilibrium! At the end of the week we are again brought back by the Grace God from the farthest field. Starving!  Sheltering ! Huddled! Perplexed!  even cringing, under the rocks of refuge, through  our miserable ignorance.  However!  rescued! The Word of God is gratefully received, we have persevered by His Grace. He comes, His gentle embracing arms of mercy enfold us to carry us back into the fold aided by Xavier University ‘s humility prayers, found  on line! The richness of these words  are given for my hunger in the guise of a great  banquet to digest and enjoy , to energise our way forward to what is to come from our 34 week retreat! Thanksgiving to our dear friend Ignatius too, from all  of us as we journey on! Pat

Week 9. Having listened and prayed in the night after wakening, disturbed and upset at dreams, resourced to Our Lady for her help. Starting with the angelus and adopting it to my need-fullness in my fragility. Falling asleep. Awakening again and looking at the choice of readings for today’s Mass, one from the book of Job, with attention to the psalm on how I can I repay the Lord for all His goodness to me. Outstanding message is ‘I know that my redeemer liveth and in my flesh shall I see God’ the recitative from Handel’s Messiah. Gratitude. Looking forward to Mass at noon for all holy souls known and especially unknown to me, the marginalised and forgotten. Thank you. Pat 

Week 9 puts on a different perspective for me. Suffering makes for endurance says St Paul, thank God for that! Instead of rejoicing at being saved and forgiven, being a sinner loved by God, I am miserable and in the depths of selfish self ,that all pervading being, wrapped up in its self, inwardly and outwardly! This time and as always when I am uncomfortable with myself, I turn to our Blessed Lady for her aid, who turns me around to look at week 9 again and reflect more deeply and have a LISTENING heart. Love to all.Pat

Week 9: It is incredible to think that God wants to go so much further than mercy and that He wants to completely heal us as well. He wants to be with us always and give us wholeness and holiness. By uniting with him and expanding our hearts to accommodate his unbounding love, we know that we no longer need our self-serving independence, and we no longer need to fear. We can trust completely in God. He will always be with us. He will heal my pride and free me from destructive patterns and disordered ways of thinking. He will give me a gift of freedom from my inherent vulnerability to vices, my self-centeredness, my rebellious spirit. He will heal my patterns of being unloving, shutting myself off, and not responding to the needs of others. If I need more trust, humility, and courage, I can ask for them and know that God will pour out his graces, and that I need only cooperate with them to advance in holiness and become more like Him. - Kim in Maryland

Week 9:  God’s Love for Us – Healing Mercy

In this week’s Some Practical Help for Getting Started this Week section, “…take anything that is still persistently bothering me – a sin from my past, a recurring sin, a stubborn pattern of unloving…” brought to my mind part of my past where someone “sinned against” me and caused me to sin…without going into detail, I was reminded by this section that I never forgave this individual.  I actually forgotten about him and “hid this part of my past in the deepest recesses of my being.”  This morning I said a prayer telling God that I forgive this person and that I pray for him.  I suppose this is breaking the “stubborn pattern of unloving.” 

While I do feel shame, I do not feel confusion.  I am eternally grateful to God for His mercy and forgiveness, and I realize I must now treat others with the same mercy and forgiveness.  When I pray the Lord’s Prayer, and get to the part “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us…” I get a sort of review of my sins, the sins against me by others, and I forgive that individual as I say this part of the Lord’s Prayer.  Sometimes a lot of people pop into my mind, I acknowledge their “presence” in my mind and I mentally forgive them, even if it was only a perceived sin against me. 

I think that in order for the crucified Christ to offer me a future of his faithfulness to both my past and my days to come hinge upon my forging those who trespassed against me.  It is also circular, in that you cannot forgive those who trespassed against you without the crucified Christ offering me a future of his faithfulness to my past, present and future, and vice a versa.  It is not linear.

  Week 9: Over and over the message is clear 'leave it to me'! By handing over my life, my will, my understanding, my freedom, my memory, especially for my sins!- all that I have and call my own, even my children, especially the one who through sexual abuse, sought relief from the pain of it in alcohol.

 I earnestly beg my creator to take all these things into your goodness and your mercy in order for me to do your will,  leaving me only to give you my love and receive your grace, especially when I waiver in putting all my trust and  my hope in leaving all to you, my loving and true, most holy saviour,  our Lord Jesus Christ who lives in union with the triune God in heaven.

I have finished Week 9, and decided to share some of my thoughts and feelings. I think, after having experienced the Exercies in daily life many times, that I have finally come to a deep sense of my sinfulness of selfishness self centeredness and the fear and anxiety this causes. Flowing from this fear and anxiety is an absence of love in my relationships. Instead, they are selfish, controlling and  protective of self and the things I consider mine: money, property, pretstige. I hope God can heal some of this at age 68, so my remaining years can be in service to God and God’s creation.
God bless you all.

Last week our four kids told us what they would like for their next birthdays. They asked us if we would be willing to respond to a question they posed every week and write about our life story. That would be our gift to them. I was overwhelmed that they would want to know my story, that they would consider that a gift to them. I felt I counted, I felt greatly loved. 
Then on Sunday with Mary’s help I took Communion to some people in a local nursing home. We approached a lady who was just lying in bed and who seemed disinterested in the world. We identified ourselves and asked her if she would like to receive Communion. Her whole face lit up with a big smile.  After a short prayer service and Eucharist, she told me she was just thinking of all those people who could get out to church and she was feeling sorry for herself that she couldn’t - and then we appeared. I felt so honored to be present to her. I felt I mattered. Her smile was a gift of love to me.
I did not grow up feeling loved and it wasn’t until I met and grew to love Eugene that I came to know what it feels like to be loved and to know God’s love. In the readings this week I have come to realize that I was always greatly and deeply loved by God and by my parents too but somehow I just didn’t feel it. It is humbling and warm and comforting to be so loved.

The end of week 9 and as has been my practice, I have just read through the sharing for the week.
I have been heartened by 2 people commenting on how they have been unsettled by the week. I have just not had the same experiences of past weeks where God has been so present to me.
The reading from Hosea spoke to my heart and is the reading I have used for most of the week, but have been praying it using my name instead of Israel. That has been very powerful, and the picture has held great importance as I am able to put myself in there.
So why the unease, the feeling of distraction? Maybe This is what learning to live with God in my daily life is about. That life goes on and I will become busy and distracted, but in those moments when I lift my eyes from my work, and look out, I can see God is there, patiently waiting and loving me.
Thank you for your prayers, I am praying for you.
Jane NZ

Week 9: There was some resistance to moving ahead.
I lingered on the lost sheep
How the Lord left the 99
To go find the one that was lost.
What joy there is in being found,
Rescued, redeemed.
A loved sinner.
Thank you.

Am on week 9 and just read the reflection. What moved me was relating to God's love, forgiveness and healing by using the analogy of driving to a doctor for healing advice. I am battling cancer and am driving to Chicago tomorrow to get test results from a specialist. The Holy Spirit works in mysterious ways. 

It is painful to recall some of my childhood memories, but being here today tells me that my Lord was with me all this time and I didn't even know it. - Week 9

In 2011 I was a very rotten fellow, the devil had me consumed with drug addiction, my mother passed away in February of 2011 i was not clean at the time. in the months following her death i began to have a lot of pain in my right foot, went to the doctor and found to have bone tumors within my foot. in November of 2011 i had surgery on my foot, it was at this moment in time in my life that god spoke to me, i was still using drugs and god said to me, you have this surgery and you will be off of work for two weeks…. now is the time to change your life for the better, i woke up early in the morning, still dark outside and i went for a walk up my street with my boot on from surgery and i said god i don’t know how i am going to get through this, but i promise you i will never give up, and at that moment there was a BRIGHT shooting start in the sky, and from that moment onward i have remained clean and glory be to god forevermore. god used a sickness within me to heal me, i want everyone to know that the lord is a living god and he is the same yesterday the same today and the same forevermore. - Week 9

I’ve been plagued with harsh and sad memories this last year and I thought that it was the enemy. Until yesterday, when I had another flashback and realized that, no…it has been the Lord. I felt him say to me “This is what you’ve been running from all these years”. In an very painful but revelatory instant, I understood that all of these flashbacks were not always for my harm and distress. Some were for me to experience, seek the comfort of God, understand his wisdom and presence, heal and forgive. In that order. It saddened me because the voice was right. I spent the last 9 years of my life, running from memories and trying to cover them up with drinking, immorality and unfaithfulness. And none of that worked. I am so grateful to God that he is patient and merciful. He is still working in me and waiting for me to allow him to create a new thing for his glory. Praise the Lord! - Week 9

I had a dream this week (Week 9) where the Lord, in the guise of my spiritual advisor, gently kissed my forehead and let me know that I was loved unconditionally. I didn't need to do anything to earn his love. He didn't need anything from me to be happy or well. We just sat together in mutual enjoyment of each other.
This perfectly captures this week, and it fed my soul. I found myself spontaneously saying the words of the Psalm mentioned this week: "What return can I make to the Lord for his goodness to me?"
Michele -Week 9

For 23 years I prayed for healing for our daughter who suffered from severe mental illness. She took her life in September. So I see healing in a new light. It can be expressed in many ways of course but the new way for me is that healing can be a goal -Week 9

Feeling the healing, it began with the acceptance of the problem. Then acceptance of the cure. Then belief in healing. Now slowly, I am being restored. In more than one realm, the healing is simultaneous in mind body and soul. But so necessary is my cooperation. Healing cannot be forced. It is renewal from within. -Week 9

Dear Brothers and Sisters,
I begin Week Nine on November 9th, 2015, on the Dedication of the Lateran Basilica. The readings have instilled in me a desire to fashion a spiritual "Whip of Cords" to drive out the evils from my soul. I hope to join all of you and "Gather at the River" the Beautiful, Beautiful River.
As I began my Morning Prayers and Offerings today, I came upon Pope Francis giving a Homily at the Lateran Basilica several years ago, as he began by saying it was his first at his Cathedral. It happened to be on the occasion of Divine Mercy Sunday. This reconfirmed for me the healing power of the Lord. and the beautiful song "You are Mine" filled my heart.
I feel so full of joy today. My prayers throughout the week will be for all of you my fellow Brothers and Sisters on Retreat.
Love of Jesus, Mary and Joseph,
Frank, California -Week 9

There was a lot going on at my work this week which made working with this week's theme quite challenging. I had moments of inspiration when I let myself be free ... Healed ... Renewed completely by our Lord. Then there were moments of confusion when I was irritated that everything was not going my way. Why confusion? Because my self absorption imagines a world free of trouble. It takes praying at the foot of the cross to realize that this is a dangerous mirage.

My week 9 was the week of the Nepal earthquake. My arthritis, especially my right shoulder, was really acting up and I was in a lot of pain. I was trying to shake it off and thinking about how much worse off so many people are, trying to pray for the earthquake victims. But as I tried to keep healing in the back of my mind, I realized that God is big enough to be compassionate also to ME. I don't have to choose for Him who to heal He can work with the Nepalese, and feel for my shoulder all at once. These flashes that bowl me over are a sure sign of God's appearance, I am so grateful. -MAP

Week 9: I am part way through week nine and the thing that keeps coming back to me is the phrase "this is not a self help programme" . Our culture is abounding in such programmes,  but to realise that what I am called to do here is to place myself in God's hands is remarkably freeing. Thank you so much for this retreat, it is as if I have suddenly found the right path home after not knowing where I was.  God bless you and fellow retreatants. 

Week 9: There was a lot going on at my work this week which made working with this week's theme quite challenging.  I had moments of inspiration when I let myself be free ... Healed ... Renewed completely by our Lord.  Then there were moments of confusion when I was irritated that everything was not going my way.  Why confusion? Because my self absorption imagines a world free of trouble. It takes praying at the foot of the cross to realize that this is a dangerous mirage.

I had a meeting this week with a lawyer who had spent much of his career prosecuting white collar crime and particularly insider trading.  He remarked that it never ceased to amaze him that humans have such a capacity to partition their world. He told me that in his experience not many people he had prosecuted actually started out deciding to be dishonest. Rather they found it easy and carefully partitioned their life to accommodate that.  While I am certainly not engaged in dishonest activity I could see how easy it is for me to also partition my life.  I want so much to believe that Jesus is constantly with me.  But conveniently I do not let Him into some parts of my life.

It is on this realization I asked for healing. I find it comforting to believe that Jesus indeed wants to heal me and that this is a healing journey I am on.

Also this weekend is the 25th anniversary of the Jesuit fathers and their companions murdered in El Salvador. Our homilist today asked us to imagine them living there and what they desired and he answered that they would see the inevitability of these actions because they were driven by their love for Jesus which in turn drove them to their strong solidarity with the poor.  As I look through the partitions in my life I ask for that same depth of love and wonder where He will lead me in solidarity, comforted knowing this is a journey of healing.

I am only in Week 9 but I have already noticed a pattern of messages from God that come to me. Sometimes they come in a Scripture quote, or a reading from The Divine Office, or something that someone tells me or even in events. It gives me encouragement that God has me where He wants me.

Week 9: I found it hard to engage with week 9 at first due to lots of problems at home and at work, and I was feeling the pressure of moving on to week 10 without having really 'done' the week properly.  It got to Sunday and I found time after the Church service to sit quietly and really pray about it.  The grace that was given to me was that instead of spending the week worrying and going round and round in my head, wondering what I could read, pray, do or think to sort my head out and be healed,  all I had to do was to trust God, and wait for him to heal me in his own time and in his own way.  I also understood that, compared to where I was two years ago, the healing has already started!  I am indeed a work in progress, and I move into week 10 with hope, love and gratitude in my heart. - Penny

Week 9: These last 2 weeks with the focus on God's love for me have actually been the most difficult so far.  At this point in my life, I have been struggling to believe that God does love me, individually.  I have been so focused on the areas of my life that I am unhappy with, that I have missed seeing the things that are going well. 

Several weeks back during the consecration at Mass, it occurred to me that just as God transforms the bread and wine into the body and blood of Jesus, he has the power to transform me into a person who is able to not only recognize his love for me, but someone who can accept it and return my love to Him.   That is also a piece that has been missing for me.  turns out this relationship with God just doesn't happen-it seems that it is going to take some more work on my part.

This week as I was enjoying one of my guilty pleasures, Grey's Anatomy, I experienced an aha moment.  Dr Bailey (my very favorite character) was trying to lure Arizona back to work and compared here to a frightened little bird.  I am that frightened little bird and am slowly recognizing God revealing His love for me.  My last couple of weeks have been less stressful and I am more able to see the good things in my life and to celebrate and give thanks for them. 

Thanks to everyone responsible for making this retreat possible, and thanks to everyone who takes the time to share in this area.  I learn as much from all of you as I do from the retreat materials. 

Week 9: As I begin Week 9,  I enter with a deeper realization of sin.  When feeling  a deep sense of sin, it was given to me, that I am only more aware of my sinfulness than before this retreat.  This is God's gift to know myself as a sinner and to long for greater virtue, healing and love in my heart.

Week 9: Today I begin the 10th week of the online retreat.  I started off really full of enthusiasm it was the beginning of Lent and I can say it was a good Lent for me.  Then it started to get more difficult I kept going but thought I wasn’t making any progress it wasn’t at the forefront of my mind as it had been during Lent.  Today as I started week 10 and read the invitation from Jesus on the opening page, I found it was in complete response to what I had written in my journal in week 9.  I felt so elated I know Jesus is with me always – but it feels so good to be given consolation. I just had to let people know carry on Jesus is working in you and he can work wonders if you just open your heart to him.  Love Carmel

Week 9: This is week 9 of my on-line retreat. I want to express the wonder that I experienced when I realized this next step that I have journeyed to: you are forgiven, but you are also healed! My heart skipped with joy when I realized that Christ promised to stay with me on this journey. 
I recognize that I have read these words In the past. I have heard them spoken, but I have never grasped the message until now. I am grateful for the gift of grace that enables me to hear the richness in the words of this retreat. It is life-giving to be healed.

Thank God I am present to the promise of wholeness. Without forgiveness and the sanctifying of human life, itself, through Jesus, all of my time would be spent in discomfort and despair.

With wholeness as the promise, I admit what I did and didn't do with that man and my sister. I trust that I am forgiven. To really trust I am forgiven takes something. If I hesitate that I am forgiven, I listen again for the joyous promise of wholeness. We see it in any new born baby!

Jesus loved the world with every atom of his body. God SO loved the world, he gave Jesus. Life, itself, is the gift.

Week 9  Healing mercy

Long before I got into Week 9 I was already experiencing His healing.  So when Week 9 came,  it was as if I was reviewing what in the past the Lord  gave me and has been been giving me ever since.   With His outstretched hands extended  to me,     I  grasped His with my withered hands,   healed of all the angst of my being.   

I'm beginning the 9th week of the retreat. I'm very grateful to God because he leads me and He is showing me His grace. I'm very thankful for everything He's already done during these weeks. It is so wonderful He is using everyday life to draw me closer to Him, to show His love and mercy, His grace and healing. I'm thankful to be able to share this with you, because I'm doing this retrait on my own and it is important to be supported and to share what God is working. God bless you all who are making this retrait and may the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you.
-Agnes

As I finish reading the chapter for Week 9, I glance at the mini rosebush next to me on my patio table.  It catches my eye as the sun highlights the leaves.  I immediately have this thought:  The journey to God is like this plant.  The stems and branches are tiered and layered.  I think of these as the many experiences I have had in life.  The end of the branch is a place where I ended that is; ended an experience, bad habit, relationship,... The blooming rose at the top of the plant is my full blossoming in the eyes of God.  It is my fulfillment.  The sun has receded and the moment is gone.  I thank God for this moment of grace.

Week 9:

A short prayer during times of temptation:

Lord, heal me from my pattern of (_____recurring sin_____). Give me the wisdom, I pray, to recognize this behavior when it happens, and the strength to overcome it. Help me to realize that I am not alone, and that you are always with me, ready to help me if I call upon You. For you have said, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will give you strength, I will bring you help, I will uphold you with the right hand of my justice." (Isaiah 41:10) Please Lord, cure me from this failing and all the transgressions of my life. Amen.

Week 9 Sharing:   God’s Forgiveness and Unjust Mercy
Yesterday was especially difficult for me to focus.  I have gone back to my patterns of not caring for myself.   There are too many things going on in my mind, doing unimportant activities that do not help in my healing process.  I so desire to become closer to God and to be clear and convicted on His purpose for my life.
I have allowed myself to slip in over gratification – eating unhealthy food, not dieting and exercising, controlling - writing a text message to my daughter to make her conform to my will, hurting her feelings and mine.  I have also allowed others to control my activities in order to please them to be accepted.
I have lost my focus on the Lord attending to emails, watching TV, hosting visits and preparing meals.   The remorse and knowledge of God’s forgiveness is there but the will to do right fail.  I am too complacent in God’s love, resting in His unjust mercy and unable to do my part to embrace God’s healing process.  I am expecting God in His redeeming love and unjust mercy do all the renewal slipping in my responsibility to act.
Lord, I ask for Your strength in this struggle to free myself from patterns of bad habit that draws me away from You.  Come Holy Spirit restore me in your gifts of patience, fortitude and forgiveness of myself.

Week 9: I'm amazed at how many layers Jesus is peeling away of a determinedness to help and heal myself. This week I want to respond to his love for me, and still I find myself wondering how to be more self-disciplined, but on my terms - to make me happier, more peaceful, more joyful, you name it - but not for him, for me. Ugh! Please take away my self-centredness, Jesus, and help me to understand that it is only you who heals and saves me. I have no hope of doing these things on my own and I'm grateful, but please keep reminding me of this.

“Turn toward me, and have pity on me;

Give your strength to your servant

And save the son of your handmaid.”