Week 5
Week 5: and in thinking about sin it's more than just the disobeying of a law. That would be acceptable only if we shared a Master/slave relationship with God. But He calls us to be His children and so it becomes not so much about the fear of the former but the love of the latter. In the former we would have been required to atone for our own sins, as impossible as that is. But in His great love for His children He atones for our rupturing of the love relationship of family. He comes to us rather than waiting for us to go to Him. He knows our imperfections. It is through those imperfections that He calls us to strive for holiness. It is in the striving that we exhibit our appreciation for all He's done for us. And yet can it ever be as much as He deserves? How can all our thanks ever repay His willingly taking on our punishment? And yet He accepts our willingness to strive and is always there to help us along the way. He never gives up on us and it would be ingratitude on our part to give up on ourselves or others.
Week 5: This is a difficult week to observe sin around us and feel our own part. I am saddened by the raging violence in the Holy Land and feel such sympathy for those suffering and wanting nothing but peace, particularly the children. I keep thinking of the Divine Mercy chaplet, “For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us, and on the whole world.” I am inspired to recite this prayer with others on EWTN radio. --Julie
Week 5: This week has been sort of difficult having many activities
surrounding my time. It's been family time but I realize that everything
does tend to pile up and I am feeling stressed because I feel behind
in everything. Regardless of feeling disorganized I have made time to
pray and dedicate special time to Our Lord and his Mother. Even prior
to this week I have been for some time aware of the evils in the world
so during this week I have tried to become even more conscious of the
perils in our lives. Every time I drive by our local abortion center
I feel this urge to just stop the car and stand in front of the place
with rosary in hand while
I pray for all those women that are suckered into doing something that
they will regret and will live with them forever. I know this is one
of the things I need to do but every time I drive by I'm either with
the two year old grandchild, or with my elderly mom, or in the process
of rushing to do grocery shopping because I need to prepare lunch. However,
I do feel comforted that every now and then I see two or three older
men that stand in front of the place, with homemade posters and are
praying the rosary. I guess there is a time and place for everything.
I have become very much aware of the lack of communication within families.
I have seen children against one or both of their parents. I have seen
parents that don't want anything to do with their children. I know of
parents that were too busy running after their own needs and have given
their children to in-laws to rear. I have seen siblings that say they
hate each other and refuse to take the first step to make amends. This
leads me to believe that if we can't live lovingly with each other in
our own families, then how can we expect for different faiths, nationalities,
ethnic groups, and so forth to get along? I have insisted for the longest
time that the breakdown of the family is the root of many evils. We
have become a people that do not want commitment. We just want to be
free to do as we please when and where we want to. I feel we must become
committed to our God and by doing so I feel I don't have to despair.
There are times when I just feel afraid of so many injustices in the
world. There are so many children that are suffering, so many parents
seeing their children being killed, so many nations that are torn because
of separation of family due to ruthless governments, politicians; so
many kidnappings, so much greed, there is so much fear... Oh my God,
please have mercy on all of us, on this world which you have given us
to live in. I beg of you to have mercy on me, a sinner, and on all of
us as we lack obedience to your Will. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for my
life, just as it is, for all the pain and tribulations I have been through.
Thank you for all my family and may I always keep you at the center
of my life and not stray from You.
Week 5: In the background of all my reflections this week ( week 5
of the Retreat) a sense of being guided by you, Holy spirit; not to
react and talk as so many others are doing at this time in the Church
of England, as the same old issues threaten to split and to disturb
and to waste so much precious time – (so easy to express an opinion
and fuel debate with no positive action). I sense that I must resist
being drawn in. I think of all these leaders ( mainly men) and I despair
at the sin that so easily pervades everything – even and especially
the institution that is the church. Yet it is not a despair that leaves
me alone and isolated. Beneath it is the quiet assurance of your presence.
I think of my life – my petty grumblings. I think of my life and
through them and this reflection I thank you God that your gracious
presence is a reminder of all that I have because of you. It is an opportunity
to give thanks. The picture in my imagination – Jesus in agony,
bearing such pain so that we may go free ...so that I may go free. For
what? So that we may have the choice to get tangled up in sin, to give
in to the other stuff that clings to us? No. To break free and release
each moment of each day to a greater thing. To reach out and engage
in the struggle and in so doing say yes to the other life on offer.
Who am I to know that it will make a difference if I choose the narrow
way. I am loved by you, saved by you, graced by your presence ... and
that is enough. Like clay in the hands of the potter I am ready to be
changed ... to gaze on the wounds ... to enter more into the bad stuff
within me as well as without so that I can know the difference between
death and eternal life – and in knowing choose life.Today all
that matters is the petty round, the common task – and the opportunity
to choose your way in each moment.
I am in week
5 of the retreat ....AsI reflected on the evils of mankind
and the mercy of our Lord I wrote this poem I would like to share:
Upon the cross You hung,
The weight of sin to bear.
For all the pain you suffered,
Mamkind didn't seem to care.
The priceless gift you gave him,
Lay unopened on the ground.
Yet though Your heart was broken,
You uttered not a sound.
Man continued in his sinning,
Indifference the clock he wore.
Not thinking of Your mercy,
And pain for his sin you bore.
When will his eyes be open,
As he gazes on the cross?
And realize the price You payed,
So he would not be lost.
The retreat has been areal blessing for me and I thank you for it.
Week five was a week of personal growth. It was hard to look at my sins. Yet what
helped was to see how much Jesus loves me. I felt washed in His mercy
and His love. It is a grace that I am blessed to have this week and
whish to continue with for always.
I have just finished week 5. It brought both great joy and great sorrow.
I thought alot about sin and that is why it brought great sorrow. Yet
what brought me great joy was placing myself and those around me in
the merciful heart of Jesus.
I started week
5 a couple days ago.Up until now I have been unable to share
what has been happening.For the past week I have seen the Lord 3 times
and turned him away twice.Once he came to shovel my walk and i told
him to come back later.I thought he had left but apparently did not.The
2 of us went Xmas shopping together and since then he has had total
control over everything I have done or said.I have had no control of
anything I have done or said or heard or seen.My questioning God has
done nothing more than him showing a greater Love for me and determination
for trust..thanks
As I work my way
through Week 5 I am struck by the fact that in my 12
Step meetings this week we have also been focusing on Step 6 and 7-
the Steps about our character defects or sins so to speak and humbly
asking God to remove them. So there appears to be an overall plan. Also
on Sunday I attended a Workshop titled "Crafted by God" which
emphasized God's love for me and the carefulness with which God gifts
me with joys and sorrows in order to shape me into the person I am created
to be. And it is my job to be aware and to be grateful for his gifts.
Whenever I have focused on sin particularly my sins before, I have been
tempted to wallow in the idea of my "badness", rather than
the forgiving love of Jesus. This new concept creates a whole different
perspective for me and helps me to be more willing to be honest and
up front and to want to deal with whatever separates me from him. Thank
you for this gift.
--Cathy
Week
5:
Up to this point I have not shared here as I work my way through the
Exercises. Each week has presented me with many new perspectives for
thought and prayer. However as I sit here on Cape Cod listening to the
horrors of the fires in Southern California, and the possibility that
some of them were set by human beings, the reality of human sin becomes
all too real. For me it is more real than the picture at the beginning
of this week, because I know the area about which the newspersons are
speaking and have a brother and friends living there. The personal knowledge
makes it more real. And at the same time the frame of horror is filled
with stories of people coming out to help their neighbor, known or unknown
in love. So you know that the presence of God is being felt in the midst
of the pain and suffering, just as it was in the time of Christ. Thank
you for the opportunity to spend this structured time in prayer with
so many others and to have these resources available. This is the Body
of Christ and the Communion of Saints at work.
-- Cathy
Week
5: It was not difficult to contemplate a disordered world this
week: caregivers who neglected their patients in extraordinary ways,
killings in Pakistan, continued war in Iraq. I realise an interesting
contradiction in these scenes and in the picture on the retreat site.
At the root of this disorder is often a positive motivation. For example,
we love our children and so we yearn for their security and we will
do everything to protect them. Yes willingly I will allow armies to
protect them ... maybe even be proactive and eliminate those who might
harm them. Soon we have moved further into a setting where I allow others
to be killed for my security. Similarly, at the hospital where the caregivers
neglected their patients the management probably did not enter one morning
and propose that was what must happen. They probably felt they were
doing the right things ... cutting back on supervision ... equipment
.. clinical care ... maybe even with the motivation to serve more people.
But somehow it was mistinerpreted and it cycled from care for others
to care-less for others.
I find special grace seeing that in the midst of that disorder
God wants to be present. As St Paul tells us, "God wiped out the
charges that were against us for disobeying the Law.
He took them away and nailed them to the cross. There Christ defeated
all powers and forces."
Then I hear an interesting interview on the radio which made all this
concrete. It is with a father in Jerusalem whose 14 year old daughter
had been killed several years ago in a bombing. He is Jewish. He encounters
an Arab man whom he has a fleeting memory that he was one of the people
who came by for the 7 day mourning. He's initially angry but the man
tells him that he himself lost his son and has set up a group dedicated
to peace and reconciliation. So out of curiosity he goes and it changes
his life. People whom he once thought of as his enemies embrace him.
So I look at myself and my own life and ask for God to eliminate the
selfish desires which block him out in the first place so that even
in the midst of disorder I can discern and transmit his love.
Week
5: There is nowhere to hide from suffering, And if I feel powerless
to “undo” much suffering, I can hold it in my heart, even
as it breaks this heart. Suffering identifies the “fault-line”
in human nature, the breaking of the one into the many. In Christ we
become one (body) again.
-- Anita
Week
5. When I read the intro, I knew this week was going to be
difficult, and so it has been. Without both the guides for this week
and the sharings I have read, I surely would have gotten both stuck
and frustrated, right before I walked away from these exercises. In
the previous weeks, I liked having the specific guidance of what the
background was supposed to be, what we might pray about and think about
when we woke up, and before we went to sleep. This week, I seem to be
overwhelmed by both the assignment and the topic. I have to look at
sin in the world, remember the meaning of the sacrifice of Jesus was
a response to that sin, to be moved by both, yet not let it affect my
mood or my work. Hmm. To feel the outrage of injustice, but not to act
out? To accept being given to God ( a project in itself, albeit a happy
one usually), and to respond as one " fully grown"? I spent
most of the week denying or shoving away the notion that this is being
asked of me, and the rest of the week trying to figure out how to "do"
it. And then tonight, I got a big major grace: I'm not supposed to have
the complete outline of an action plan, or even to make sure that I
understand this painting and its frame thoroughly. God isn't asking
me to write a spiritual term paper, or to sob great tears of enlightenment.
He's just waiting for me to say, "Okay. I'll try." This must
seem so elementary, so obvious, but for me, its a breakthrough. Much
thanks to the people at Creighton, to my fellow participants, and to
St. Ignatius for making this experience possible.
-- Kathy
It’s
the beginning of week 5; last week was very scattered
and I’m not sure I got much of the intended ‘Grace’
of it. It was a hectic week and I didn’t really follow the retreat
very effectively. I did make contact and that contact did help; the
week that started out not so good ended up fair and led to a ‘nice
weekend.’ I struggled to see people in my life today that I truly
look up to—yet, they are there. And as the week shifted to the
next phase, there were dreams of old friends with whom I have lost contact
(several of those lately). I am currently living apart from my wife—we’re
in the process of moving and I have come ahead to Colorado where I’m
working and she is still in Kansas, where she has a shop to close down/move/whatever...
This is a good time for me to be engaged in the retreat, but it seems
difficult to keep up; and I wonder if it’s some internal resistance
or just struggling with the demands of a new job, too little time and
the ongoing ‘business’ of life. I haven’t really made
close connections with people in my new life and so it is easy to become
a bit isolated. I think that’s why I’m writing this now;
just to try and make connection, even though I really don’t know
anyone who might read it or whether it would even be read...somehow
that doesn’t seem to matter. This
week’s focus on ‘sin’ will be interesting; it seems
that the past three weeks have this notion of ‘my sin’ and
‘our sin’ has been growing in my own thinking. Perhaps that’s
just part of the plan; however, I like the call to focus on sin, but
not to do so with such negative ‘wallowing’—that sense
that focusing too much on my sin becomes almost egotistical. It reminds
me of the introduction from an old Patti Smith song—off the ‘Horses’
album. It was a line, “Jesus died for somebody’s sin—but
not mine.” That sense of how often I want to hold on to my sin
and its awfulness—it’s like showing off—look at me
and how bad I am. It’s just ego and pride. Now, to embrace that
reality of sin and to truly see it in the light and Grace of Christ’s
love and forgiveness...
I
was amazed when I read Psalm 73 (week 5), to see how
well it applied and its relevance to today's world. The psalmist is
asking the same questions that I have asked and struggled with for most
of my adult life. Just why does it seem that the wicked and sinful have
it all? I do "lose my balance and my feet all but slip. I am envious,
for they suffer no pain and they are free of the burdens of life. Is
it in vain that I keep my heart clean?"
Can this possibly be "The Disorder of Sin"? My envy of the
unrighteous man will be my downfall, unless I lift my eyes to the Cross.
Just like the poor and faithful man of Psalm 73, if I humble myself,
resist the temptation to separate myself from God, then I too can be
filled with joy and indescribable riches.
--Marybeth
Week
5 As I approached the sixth week of this retreat I was really
wondering what would come to light. My life has been very stable with
no major catastrophes, no major rebellions so what would God show me?
This week God has begun to melt my heart, made me aware of where I have
fallen short of his ways, in the way I have kept him at arms distance,
and have wanted to control how he works in my life. This has resulted
in me not living life to the full, being fearful and not displaying
the love that he has shown me. I continue to ask him to show me where
I have sinned as I really want to experience his love in a new way.
I am not finding it easy to find time to look over the day, or to be
aware of God throughout the day in the background. But I have a desire
for this and I am beginning to make regular time to meet with God and
he is meeting with me. I have a belief that he will continue to meet
me and lead me on. Thank you for making this retreat available to me
and to others throughout this world.
--Christine
My
thought when I began this retreat was that my haphazard lifestyle would
surely hinder any progress, but I have found that is definitely not
the case. I am in week 5, & have greatly benefited.
The way it's presented is surely blessed by God, & I am so grateful
& determined not to give up.
--Ames
Week
5 is indeed challenging! The evil in our world is almost overpowering,
& at times seems to be the only thing we see & hear about. It
can be a deterrent to focusing on the goodness & greatness of our
loving & caring God. There are times when I am overwhelmed with
my own faults, failings & sins, & feel it is useless to try
& serve God. But I can offer him my desire to serve him, which is
indeed all I have to offer. All the evil around us is so sad - it compels
us to go to the foot of the cross. This week is something we all need,
& I am so thankful for this online retreat. May God bless all who
are struggling through this week.
WK5 I am a bit lost this week. Yes sin and not in touch with Jesus. I got
angry again and busy with work. got to try agin and have the hear to
Jesus
I
found Father Gillick's reflection, "For the Journey" very
useful for week five. Often when contemplating the
"canvass of sin" I am a very good art critic. I can easily
objectify what is happening ... often over intellectualizing and getting
caught up in interesting questions of why something is happening. I
think about my initial reaction to the current was in Iraq. I enjoyed
getting caught up in the "real politik". What I find easy
to do is avoid thinking about my own responsibility or involvement in
the process. Contrast this with the method of St Francis where our contemplation
of violence and peace starts with what is inside each of us. This places
us in the canvass without doubt.
So the other piece I found useful this week was the contemplation in
the prayer, "In these or similar words": how would I feel
if a gift I gave one my children were just tossed away in my face? I
started to think as I listened to the news on the radio what gifts of
God were being tossed away. I felt very sad. The image is of Jesus on
the Cross renewing or bring these gifts back to life is both powerful
and I started to feel for myself very necessary.
I
begin week 5 today and glad to gain the knowledge of
not to feel depressed because I sin again and rely on love of God to
start again. How many times I failed? Each
sin I am sorry for and there is the love of Jesus from the Cross.
Week
5 I’m passing this Retreat in Poland. The evil of this
world is seen by me everywhere. I saw how much I want to escape from
these plases. Last day of this week trying to read the week paper TYGODNIK
POWSZECHNY (Number 42) I found the text, which is essential for me.
Below I rewrite it in my poor English:
"The last voice belongs to victims. In the book “Night”
Wiesel memorises as SS-mans hangered two prisoners and small boy whose
face like sad angel.All concentration camp have to see this execution.
Suddenly from back lines one can hear the question: Where is God? Where
is He?Both adults , no doubt, were dead. From their tongues hung swollen.
But third rope was moving continiously: the child was too light and
was still alived...Over through half an hour he floundered between life
and death, dying in long torture, and we looked at him. We had to look
in his face straight.He lived yet when I was passing him. He had red
tongue, his eyes didn’t be glassy.
Behind me I heard the same man asking:
- Where is now God?
And I heard also inner voice, who answered:
- Where? Thee is here...hangs on this gallows."
***
Jezus Christ must be adorated in that places of my escaping ,exactly:
not in places but in the suffering human. It is the aim of my life,
the aim of which I am afraid.
-- A.K., Poland
Week
5...the difficult one. To see my role in sin and suffering
is very painful. But it is clear, as I follow the directions in the
retreat to look at personal sin and to "allow God to be God".
I am
now in week 5 of the Online Retreat - the one that
focuses on the sin against God and destruction of the world. It is quite
easy to find images to reflect upon as this is 2 weeks into the War
between Israel and Hezbollah, where figures greater than 600 deaths,
600,000 refugees are being quoted on the news. Where I am finding difficulty
is understanding how those people in power - the decision makers have
lost their way so much that they wish this to continue until some political
end has been met. I am trying to understand the seeds of the evil. What
changes in a person's life to make them so cold as to decide this should
continue - more lives lost. I also feel powerless, I wish to be proactive
- but amidst my own "busy" life am left wondering what can
I do - except pray. Maybe I shouldn't minimise prayer so much - maybe
if I felt prayer was more valuable, I wouldn't feel powerless.
Alan Murray, Ireland.
Hello
My Friends,
These mornings at prayer I've been asking for grace to see the malice
of sin as it is. Well you get what you ask for . I've been terrified
at the tragedy sin causes in our lives, thru history. But as I battled
with what this meant to me, I also felt the assurance that there is
nothing that can escape the loving and providential eye and hand of
God, Three in One. With Jesus nothing is impossible. It's taken me over
a year to get to this point. The Lord is working slowly with me and
many times I've felt what's the use of not being able to finish my own
agenda. Well Jesus has a different agenda for me: PATIENCE. And that
is the way he handles our deepest poverty to want to love and be loved
by Him, by God.words cannot fathom what sin does, only in a mind as
vast and comprehensive is their a solution and that solution we have
: Jesus Christ the Lord.Peace.
greetings
to all of you. my son and his little family moved to the mountains to
be near their father today and i thought i would be overwhelmed as i
thought i would be overwhelmed by the practice of staring the evil in
the face. but it seems to not be happening to me. i could feel the sense
of sin and disorder that we were asked to feel for and this move( in
a family which for years was torn apart by alcoholism and addiction)
is an orderly move and one made with love and from a happiness between
us all. so i have realised that pain need not be ugly and disordered
but simply right emotions . i can see the Companion with the Lamp in
the middle of the picture of my life and its gradually driving the darkness
further and further out. i was always afraid to look at the truly terrible
evils and sins for a myriad of reasons. now i find if i stand as i learned
to in earlier weeks and am able to look at the darknesses within my
self and my own life then as long as i have the Light there with me
then i have become more and more able to look at bigger disorders and
evils which have always terrified me.i can face the thought of the savagery
and wickedness out there. even thiugh i tremble and do not think i could
facce it. i think too that god has equipped me for the life he has given
me and whatever it may be i will be ok, and i suspect he knows i am
a no hero and has asked me only to fcec the evil which i am capable
of facing. it is as if a candle were lit in the very middle of the picture
and one step at a time the glow lights more things and warms more of
my own personal picture.
i was thinking too of adam and eve and that the original sin wasnt violence
or thumping one another . it was the disobedience. when the guides spoke
of getting a sense of evil - i realised that evil can come disguised
in good deeds and goodness can sometimes look pretty crummy . also that
obedience to god can ask me to not do as the world thinks i ought. im
muddled this week and know you will forgive me because i love my little
family and am upset to see them off. i just know its not time for me
to join them and that god has some plan for me and them and obedience
is the best choice. love to you all.
-- Nell from the Tweed Week 5
I was doing my reflection fairly systematically this week. On previous
weeks I would turn off the car radio on way to work and use some of
that time as a moment of reflection. This week the news in the background
provided plenty of backdrops for facing up to the reality of sin in
our world. I am also conscious of how I have neat frames that limit
the reality of evil from impinging too much of my consciousness. One
is quite simple … put a thick frame of denial around the reality.
The other is more subtle … come up with all sorts of rational
explanations that take me out of the picture. The
latter mode is quite easy because I realized that good and evil very
often co-exist and use the same substance … probably no sin in
drinking alcohol … conviviality building bonds … but for
many the same substance becomes addiction … and I recalled the
people who I have personally encountered who have been hurt even close
to destroyed by the same substance. Because of this the place of the
Cross becomes even more important … promise of healing …
God’s presence in middle of evil. But two events stopped me over
intellectualizing this and feeling personally what is really in the
frame. First, I had a horrible fight with my boss on Friday. The substance
is not really material from a spiritual sense but I tasted again how
we can be hurt and how I can build up amazing defenses that would satisfy
my outrage but probably just escalate the situation. Some of our worst
sins either as persons or nations emanate from our feelings of anxiety
and hurt. So I’ve resolved to put this conflict in God’s
hands. Maybe it will lead to a new direction for me or simple grace
but with God’s help I will not let it fester.
Second, we had a missionary from Haiti speak at Mass this morning. He
was a tremendously dynamic preacher and I wish I could have recorded
his homily … it was almost as if he had been sitting with me on
retreat this week and gently pulled on every nuance of my meditation
on evil. I was moved to tears. His descriptions of life and suffering
in his community were quite shocking. To be honest I’m not sure
where this will take me but I am committed to work with God’s
graces and find ways to resist in my own life subtle and not so subtle
over consumption, waste of resources and the more insidious personal
tactics that can become strands in their own way on the canvas of evil
While contemplating
this week “the disorder of sin”, I came across an article
that described how millions of children die of malaria in so-called
“third world” countries, while here in the “first
world” the disease is of no concern to us because it has effectively
been eradicated. A few dedicated and capable individuals are currently
devoting their energies to bringing this problem to our attention, but
I was struck by how extensive the suffering is and how little we have
done to stop it. For me, this was a perfect image of the disorder of
sin. Placing
the Crucified Christ at the center of evil and suffering—his merciful
and tender love, THERE!—helps conquer terrors’ hold.Tom,
Pennsylvania
Week
5: As I began reading through the suggestions for this week, I felt
that I would be overwhelmed by the sense of evil that fills the world.
Then as I read the "For the Journey" section, with the idea
that the central picture is the love of Jesus for us and our world,
a different picture came to mind. Several years ago I read the book
"Return of the Prodigal Son" by Henri Nouwen. It focuses on
the painting of the same name by Rembrandt. I looked at the cover picture
again, and realized that the forgiving, merciful Father is the focal
point of the painting. This has become the picture I've returned to
each day this week. In the 2 sons I can see most - maybe all - of the
seven deadly sins. And of course, these are the sins that encourage
us to cooperate with the evil that exists today. My prayer is for courage
to resist the evils of pride, greed, gluttony, envy that tempt us to
think only of ourselves and ignore the damage to our fellow human beings
and to the world we have been entrusted to care for. Thank you for this
retreat.
- Ann
I
am on week 5 of the retreat and am quite surprised. This week is been
a big eyeopener. When I thought of poverty and issues on human rights
I always thought of third world. I guess the news is that this is happening
under my very nose in this wonderful country of Canada.I never gave
much thought to the thousands of lives killed through abortion. The
hunger and homelessness prevalent in my own country. The issues of ending
lives because someone has decided the quality of life is not there any
more.I remember about 60 years ago or so I man name Hitler was condemned
for doing just these things. How far we have come to do all of this
in the name of democracy. In any case I guess the message is that this
country of mine needs as lot of prayer and divine intervention. I hope
its not to late.
God Bless
Pat
This week has been difficult for me, as I am one of those sensitive
people who find it very upsetting to watch or read or hear about the
suffering in the world, especially when caused by our own sinfulness.
The ‘canvas’ and the ‘frame’ were backwards
for me…the canvas being the sins of the world and the frame being
the mercy of God. Now focusing on our dear, suffering Jesus on the cross,
carrying the weight of all our sins, has made me more and more and more
grateful, but, also, reminds me of my part in His sufferings. Yesterday’s
Mass was dedicated to Mary, Mother of Sorrows. As I prayed the Sorrowful
mysteries of the rosary, I thought of how our sins made her suffer,
too, just like all of our sinfulness has the ripple effect everyone.
Mary was best portrayed in “The Passion of Christ”, showing
us how perfectly she embraced her Son’s cross as we, also, must
do. His mercy is our salvation.
I
thank God for giving me this opportunity to take part in this retreat.
The previous weeks have been comforting especially when I could sit
with the Lord and look back on my life over a glass of wine.Week
5 has been particularly challenging. It is not hard to see
the disorder of sin everywhere. Recently there have been many painful
commemorations of humanity's atrocities, the massacre of innocent people
in Hiroshima,Bosnia and Rwanda. Currently, the senseless war in Iraq,
terrorist attacks in London and Egypt,the displacement of millions in
Darfur and the starving in Niger. What is hard to see and bear is that
my sins are also part of this disorder.I thank God for the gift of healing
mercy and forgiveness, for me and my brothers and sisters of the world.
I
started off the week with the expectation that I probably would not
be able to find any fresh inspiration in this topic for week
5. I thought, yes, I know the disorder of sin is everywhere.
And yes, I am aware that it is appalling rebellion. Wars, murder, injustice
-- they are always there, always will be. But
when will my arrogance end -- when will I stop underestimating God and
overestimating myself? Because when I worked on opening myself to hearing
God's voice, I was faced with new realities of evil that I hadn't been
paying attention to. I read the 5/11/2005 edition of National Catholic
Reporter and learned about horrible atrocities committed against rural
Ugandans (for ex, women found mutilated in fields with limbs, breasts,
lips cut off) perpetrated by marauders going about forcing children
to join their forces. I read about Nery Rodenas, executive director
of the Human Rights Office in Guatemala, who denounced the army's role
in human rights violations, and who reported that he and his family
have received death threats because of his work.Then today, May 14,
2005, I came across a blurb in the New York Times reporting that 3 of
4 white men convicted of beating a mentally disabled black man and abandoning
him on a fire ant mound were all given short jail terms ranging between
only 30 and 60 days in jail.This week I have learned that I must stay
aware of the evil manifested in the world. I must take the weight of
it into prayer -- I feel that if I do not do this, then I will have
neglected a possibility to lessen the effects of evil. Are we not taught
that there is power in prayer?I have been wondering what may be pleasing
to God in addition to prayer, about how else I should respond to evil
in the world. I do not know, but I found comfort in the writings of
St. Teresa of Avila. In the last chapter of her work Interior Castles,
she encourages Christians to focus on prayer, and especially on helping
our companions, those in our circles, with love. She seems to suggest
that if we take care of our usual obligations with love, then God will
make us able to do more each day -- and who knows where that could eventually
lead?
Week
5 I am doing this retreat by myself (except of couse for all
the other people doing exactly the same thing at the same time as me).
But have no one to talk to about it, so I have kind of made a promise
to myself to share here each week my thoughts etc.
This week has been hard, but the picture I see is Jesus in the center
of all the sin of the world taking it upon himself. I have never seen
this before, so strange, that I have never considered or understood
that before.
The words I hear are "Jesus, Lamb Of God, You Take Away The sins
Of The World" I really hear them now. Thank you God for this blessing.
How do we understand
the terrible sin and destruction of innocent people's lives that is
going on in Iraq today? This is perpetuated by a government who smugly
believes God is on their side. What god is this?I see Christ weeping
wherever greed, arrogance and inhumanity take precedence over love.
charity and true dialog. I am hoping that this week will help me understand
this and all sin in the world but it is very painful. It is so much
easier when we only reflect on our own relationship with God but He
calls us to care for the world and work for peace and justice for all. Week 5
I live in Africa. It was not hard for images of the effects of sin to
come to my mind at the beginning of the week. I asked God to show me
one picture to sum up the sin; I saw the scourged back of Christ, opened
up by the lead tipped whip. He was bound, unable to move,
completely at the mercy of his tormentors. I was surprised. I had expected
something else. Then I realised this picture showed the abuse of power,
a merciless hunger for revenge, the dehumanising force of sin, its destructive
power over victim and family, its supreme arrogance.
The next day I started to hear about the Asian tsunami. So far around
70,000 dead. I am thinking about this in light of this week's retreat.
Sin has brought disharmony to creation, and we are subject to it. So
much pain. Unbearable. But what of institutional sin? Our policies maintain
poverty. We put in bondage countries that are unable to repay their
debt; we add interest to it. We sell arms to them, lending them money
to do so. Madness.
Where is God in all this? Christ stands weeping next to me. The only
way I can face the endless pain around me is to know this compassion
reaching out. My parent-God suffers as any parent does when they see
their child suffer the consequences of their wrong choices. The parent
suffers when she see us spoil the gift of freedom and abuse it. My parent-God
suffers the anguish of his choice to respect our choices. He waits for
us to call, however faintly. Week 5
im
stumbling through the retreat but ive made it to week five.
i am acutely aware of the rebellion of sin..i am paying the price for
having dishonored my marriage by seeking the comfort of others and leaving
my home. i could certainly offer many explanations...but the truth
is what i did was wrong. i hurt everyone around me, and now that hurt
is returning to me many times over. i am trying to make things
up to my wife, but i may have made a mistake i cant fix..i am feeling
the anger and hurt and resentment she feels and i am feeling humbled
and scared and alone knowing i have no one to blame but myself.
i am hanging in there...and i am trying to return to the path that god
set for me before i decided to do it MY way. but feeling the pain of
separation from god as manifested in the separation form my family is
disturbing. i am struggling to pray and to see the good things
in my life and understand and accept my place in god's plan. the
retreat has been a great help in keeping me focused and giving me hope.
Week 5: Visited a family today who
are, I would say, living below the average income level. Two of
this woman's daughters, who are in their early and mid-teens, were mothering
their children, the younger child being only 7 weeks old. I can
sense from that visit that the mother was the one holding everyone in
the household together. The daughters have their parts in running
the household but the mother was the one who reminded them what to do.
A typical family in many ways, but unusual in the sense that they carry
more than the usual burden of a "typical" family.
When I was in their home today to meet the family, I can hear their
normal ways of dealing with one another. Although most people
would call this family broken, I saw some sort of wholeness in them,
certainly not in a conventional way. In a very weird sense, I
felt God's presence in that house despite the presence of chaos and
disorder. God was present most especially in the mother's love
for her family. I can sense God in their kitchen, in the ordinariness
of their lives, in the smell of their home cooked meal, in the steam
of their boiling water... God is present in the midst although veiled
at times.
I had to remind them of this presence. The mother asked me if
I could bless the house. I told her that blessing the house does
not mean that God was not present here before, but rather, we are dedicating
this home now to God, for God to use whatever you have for God's glory.
And as I blessed the house, it was like the veil was lifted and God's
face was revealed in the ordinariness of this home, a home that most
people would only describe as chaotic. May the Spirit continue
to unfold the presence of God in their midst.
In week 5, the reading "How God Dealt
with our Sin" just blew me away. After reading the first few lines,
I wondered, "Who in the world is this talking about?" "You
are fully grown... Christ has taken away your selfish desires", it said.
Again the thought came, "Who is this talking about?" It
went a step further: "And when you were baptized it was the same as
being buried with Christ". Then I realized: "This is talking
about me. I have been baptized." It went on to describe
things almost too beautiful for words. I concluded that this must
be the way God "sees" us now even though I have a hard time seeing myself
as "fully grown", without "selfish desires" and so on. Could it really
be possible that God sees me this way? Forgiven, raised
to life?
It kind of went smoothly the first four weeks.
I did write down some thoughts and ideas but never felt compelled to
share like today. The theme for the fifth week is disturbing.
I have come to know, experience the sins of the world. I come from a
country destroyed by internal war and division, lust for power, corruption
and international injustice. I have seen and felt deeply the sins of
the world since I have worked closely to those who are responsible for
leading us. But I am sorry; I can’t see the mercy of God in all.
I can see the mercy of God in my personal life, I can testify. I have
been force out of work since March, being victimized by a new government
in power, but I feel the presence of God in my personal life, guiding
me to other territories and I accept this new challenge as it helps
me grow closer to God. I am dealing with my own uncertainties, not being
able to go back to my own country, not knowing what country I will be
living in, if I’ll have to leave my daughter behind, but I know
deep down that whatever road is being laid before me will be good in
the end. But where is the mercy of God when millions of my own are stripped
of their dreams to have a better life? Where is the mercy of God when
poverty and violence strike stronger day after day? Where is it when
one group of people can decide what goes in your own backyard, and damn,
aren’t they successful at it? I guess that I am too caught up
in my own hurting that I can’t see it. But I will pray for God
to show me His mercy revealed in a nation as a whole. I won’t
move up to the sixth week until it grabs me and transforms me. As I
write this, I am crying of rage and sadness.
Week 5 reflection. I was eagerly
anticipating going into this week. My attitude was positive and
I was anxious to open the "package" for the week by looking over and
printing the week's material. What a disappointment - the subject
is sin! The assignment: "grow in what our culture seems
to have lost - a sense of sin". I understand that. "This
week should not discourage . . . (but) give us hope". That helps.
To read the guide every day this week has helped me progress.
It's hard stuff, and I need to concentrate and stop to reflect and absorb.
What I started out to share is that, for some reason, I had a light
bulb experience: the cruicifixion is redemption for today's evil!
Why hasn't this sunk in previously? I'm astounded at the "revelations"
I receive in participating in this retreat. God bless all of you on
this journey.
The grace for Week Five came early
in the week. As I was reading over all of the material for the
week and looking at the picture it hit me more than ever that ALL people
are God's creation and loved by God. I thought about how God might
feel when God sees one that he created and loves hurting, killing, and
plotting against another whom God likewise created and equally loves.
This caused me to ponder the question - Who is one person or group
of people to say that another person or group of people is deserving
of deplorable treatment when all are created and loved by God?
Realizing that the one who is drastically different from me whom I may
oppose is also a child of God who is loved by God is cause to step back
and think about the way that this 'other' is treated. This was
followed later in the week by the grace to use the picture and frame
imagery that was presented this week. I imagined a dynamic (interactive)
picture with Christ at the center drawing all of the evil and sin in
the framing periphery to himself without diminishing his own brilliance.
Each week I have posted the beautiful
pictures on my screen. For the fifth week I have the destructive
picture of Bosnia devastated by war. That is a powerful graphic of disordered
nature. It makes me want to cry and I have shed tears thinking about
such destruction. Then, I reflected on the evil of sin, my own personal
sinfulness, and am looking for an appropriate picture of the destruction
I have personally carried out. There are no words to express my own
sinfulness and so I place myself in the trusting forgiveness of Jesus
Christ. I thank Him for the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
This is Week 5 for our parish.
I am watching the film "Dead Man Walking" as a painful perspective of
sin, set within the framework of prayer and compassion. Although
I have seen it before, looking from the viewpoint of sin in the world,
it is very compelling. It is a small illustration of what Jesus
overcame for us.
As I continue through week 5, I feel
a very tragic disorder of sin which I had for a long time was not liking
myself. It almost got suicidal at times. What greater disorder than
to turn ones back on God's creation, and say that I am not worthy of
His love. God is pure love, and resides within each of us. To think
at one time I was so negative...its not a good feeling. I have come
a long way since that point, I am very involved with a Prayer Group
and well as being a Hospice volunteer. Praise the Lord for His love
is everlasting.
A powerful message which offers an opportunity
to reflect on God's love as I reflect upon the cruel shortcomings of
humanity. For me personally, it was an opportunity to let go of
personal failings, realizing as I clung to them, I placed myself in
the center of what is important, instead of placing God there. Thank
you also for the story of Bishop Gerardi. His powerful message
lives on with this continued sharing of his story. Week 5
I haven't felt the need to share up to this
point in the retreat, but, at the beginning of Week 5, I'm embarking
on a whole new level of the journey closer to God. The first 4
weeks of the retreat almost felt like a "review." For over a year
before beginning this retreat, I had been working with a wonderful spiritual
director on the very topics presented in the first 4 weeks: especially
the true realization that God knows me, loves me and reaches out for
me before I even know to reach for him. Now, with this week, it's
a whole new experience. The image in the photo is jarring, and
the task at hand is difficult. I think of the verse from Joshua:
"Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with
you wherever you go."
Sin is a tough one for me. I am an optimist.
I think of sin as an "unfinishness". I believe God doesn't make junk...
that everything IS for a purpose according to God's plan. I don't believe
we can "hurt" or "disappoint" God. As we see the consequences of our
actions, it causes us to reflect and adjust. I believe we all strive
for goodness, but our understanding of goodness in each situation we
encounter is incomplete. The lack that exists is "sin" to me. Jesus
came to show us in human terms how to love selflessly even to death.
there's the hard part...to give and give and give and give...without
"expecting" to receive in return...BUT wait with God it's different.
We can give and give and give and give and KNOW that he is eternally
giving. He needs no return. THE MODEL...The all perfect.
My prayer is "Help me to give love to those I meet daily without expecting
earthly love in return, but know in my heart that my God loves me always!"
To look at the big picture of sin in the
world as well as personal sin is a very challenging thing to do.
I am near the end of week five. This week I received aids
through conversations that people brought up in work....it was interesting
because twice this week it happened. One person not knowing anything
about what my task was for the retreat ,said to me ...do you realize
all the evil we have been witness to in our life time and then proceeded
on a litany of events from WWII onward. She brought
to mind so many images.
I am horrified at the sinfulness that the world has experience globally
and in my own personal life, and it brings me to tears when I
think that Jesus had to withstand so much suffering for me and the world.
I am grateful to God, yet I need to look on the image of Jesus on the
cross more often to really understand how great His love for us.
The cycle of hatred ,prejudice, greed, lust, and violence need to replaced
with the understanding that God loves us , even if our own brothers
and sisters act in ways that would make us think otherwise. I
pray for all who are unloved , abused, neglected, lonely, and those
who are arrogant , bitter and hateful that the Spirit of love enter
into their lives to create or recreate us in the image of Him.
How right it is to reflect on the sin of
the people of the world. I especially find myself lifting prayers
to God for the helpless old and the unborn. (Week 5)
This week found me concentrating on major
evil events in history, events readily horrifying and easily identified:
the holocaust, WW II, Vietnam. Then there is the murder and mayhem that
go on in individual killings. Of course, WTC bombings, the Pentagon,
McVeigh, the list goes on and on. How about a system of slavery
that lasted 300 years and still reverberates through every facet of
this society. Then there is the sex-slave trade still imprisoning thousands,
and the child sex industry of Thailand and other Asian nations that
make our problems with sexual child abuse miniscule, though they should
not be diminished in importance. And
then there is that incredible image of the cross. Once in awhile, as
I raise the cup of wine at the consecration, my mind’s eye sees
the cross with his human form, blood dripping down the body, flesh torn,
thorns piercing, and lips moving that say, “Father, forgive them
for they know not what they do.” What
tremendous love that this act of self-sacrificing love overcomes all
the evil described above and all not described. What other response
could there be for me than to strive to imitate that? When harmed by
others, even slightly, climb up on that tree and be held by its victim
and say with him, “Father….”
Just finishing the fifth week, I darely
can tell you I realized a sense of sin that was different
from before. Though I was so sad to hear suicide bombing
in Isreal and sometimes I used to pray for innocent victoms, that
accident never made me feel a sense of sin that I rebelled God's
desire. So far most of My sin was the things about indivisual
ingratitude from God. But when I watched Bali bombings on television
this week , I felt how dreadful human beings' hatred was, how far we
were away from God's love. Of course I was not directly responsible
for the bombing, but I thought, I am also resposible for rebellion from
God's desire that we praise, reverence and serve God and use everything
else in creation for that end. Finally I came to move my eyes from my
sin to our sin. I newly realized how wrong we behaved ,
how magnitude God's Mercy was. Jesus on the Cross gives me a broader
views on the sin and His Mercy .
The beginning of this day of my 5th
week, I thank God for such a great day. Then the phone rings.
My brother who is dying of cancer tells me he is in pain; then my aunt
calls me to let me know her daughter in law who is 47 died and left
3 children and that her oldest son who is 13 wanted to kill himself
as he heard the news about his Mom dead. All kinds of sufferings until
the ending of the day. While I am hearing all this I am focused on the
great love that God has for us. I know God is in each situation. I will
recall the grace I desire today: to enter more deeply into a sense of
what sin really is. I may say, for example, "Lord, let me see
and feel the outrage of the evil that seems to reign in our world.
Lord, I so want to be moved by the profound depth of your love and mercy."
At the end of this day, I let all these images be replaced by the one
image of Jesus on the Cross. Tonight I will try to focus on that image.
Try to let it become more real. I can imagine looking up into the face
of Jesus, and speaking to him my gratitude. Risen Lord, thank you for
the power of God's love. All
evils of our world. I remember loved ones and friends who are real victims
of sin. I have experienced the tragedy of care givers like
me that who failed to love those we care for by being so impatient with
them and not expressing God's love to them. We do want it to affect
our hearts. We want to take our blinders off and really see and
feel the power of evil. But, at the same time, I want to experience
the power of God's response. I try not to get discouraged and pray for
hope. Is
it difficult for me to look at the evil of the sin in my life and how
I make others suffer? I will ask God to help me grow in gratitude
for the mercy of God in my life and the life of those I love and also
on a certain person I find it hard to forgive. I am suffering because
of this and I don't understand the reason for this attitude over such
a simple misunderstanding. l understand I am not perfect and this is
where I know God's great love.
I'm finishing up my 5th week, it's
been tough. I've noticed alot of places in my life where sin has
effected me or those around me. Sometimes I just feel powerless
over my sin, even small ones, like overspending or not eating properly.
Sin has a concrete effect on me physically...I get anxious and get an
upset stomach. I have recently broken off a relationship with
someone, so I'm feeling lonely. However, I did not feel that I
was really interested in anything else but being loved and held, not
to say this isn't important, just that in my addictive way, I will put
anything behind this need, be it physical intimacy, food, or spending.
So for now, I'm taking a break, trying to get some sanity in my life.
Already my stomach is quieting down some, which is a blessing.
Week 5. I have been good at
indignation faced with the faillings of others. Time to face up
to my own sin and faillings. The prospect is truly frightening.
This will go very slowly.
Week 5, I have been putting
the photos as backdrop on my computer and I was able to notice my brand
of wine two weeks ago, i. e. Concha Y Toro Merlot on the table.
Of course, that was with much enlarging and font gymnastics. You
see, I don't see as well as I used to. So, when I looked at the
photo on the first day of week 5 I saw a beautiful hillside village
until I right clicked and enlarged. Beauty became evil and unplessantness.
My first impulse is to bolt and run-to look away. But, we are
asked to look, to examine evil this week, to look at sin; not just our
own but worldwide. It certainly isn't very pretty to look inside
those bombed out rooms, to see and feel the starkness, to let the coldness
of it touch the back or our arms. So much sin , so much evil.
Is this really the full extension of total selfessness-to totally Ease
God Out (EGO)? I remember driving home on a Feb. afternoon at
the beginning of this decade after hearing that we were bombing Iraq
and whispering to God an apology, a prayer like that we just really
hadn't progressed very far. Anyway, this Monday morning of week
5 those are my thoughts I want to share with my brothers and sisters-He
gives us all so much and the tendency is to keep 'em and hoard 'em like
the last little fellow in the gospel yesterday; bury the talent.
My prayer this morning is that God grace me this week by helping me
get out of the endless maze of self-Amen
I am beginning week five with feelings
of extreme discomfort! Who wants to look at the "sin" in their
lives? As I look back on my youthful sins I thank God, in Jesus' Name
that I have been "saved" by His love. Yet, the journey is not
over. I ask God to reveal to me the ways that I continue to sin,
and continue to hide these sins from myself. Our society has distorted
my view of sin, has made it easier for me to rationalize sin, to make
it sin a ACCEPTABLE part of life. I pray now that I will have
the courage to "see" my sins as God sees them. I feel that they
are open wounds that will fester and rot unless and until I ask God
the Father, Son and Holy Spirit to heal me. Pray for me.
Week 5. WOW! What a week to
begin to see the magnitude of sin in the world ... the USA and Britan
begin, what is now the fourth day of, bombing on the other side of the
world. What part do I play in all of it if I am a citizen of this
country? The guides ask whether I can be reflective without being
negative ... at the beginning of the week I thought I could. Then
last night at a gathering I found myself saying things like, "This is
it. Prepare your soul." and "Get ready to meet your Creator."
Guess that was a little negative ... but what is it to want to be in
God's loving presence and not worry about all of the sin on the planet?
Gee, He does care enough to have given his magnitude of mercy by letting
His Son pay for our messes. As the world situation has been developing,
I find I would rather find a peaceful solution but that's not what 92%
of the population wants. Am I a fake? Will I really be in
the Kingdom when the time comes? God has promised and He doesn't
go back on His promises, does He?
Scanning through the pages of sharing looking
for a mention of Week 5, I enjoyed reading the contribution from
the person who appreciates this wine. In fact I have kept that particular
photo as wallpaper up to now and would similarly recoil from the horror
of the destruction of the bombed village. I expect this retreat to be
quite demanding as it progresses.
I am just finishing week 5 now.
The awareness of sin is very important to me and this week has helped
sensitize me to that. I think it helps to understand the first
sin was a result of disobedience to God's plan for humanity. The
result was a ripple effect of disorder throughout time. In
effect, I can clearly see how my transgressions will eventually lead
and contribute to others. In other words, I may say something
to one person, which may be good or bad, and that person will act upon
it either in a good way (help someone for example) or in a bad way (the
anger I have caused may encourage someone to manifest the anger on a
third person). In any case this is like polution in the air or
water. It is all around us. We can not avoid seeing it everywhere.
However, it is up to us to help stop the bad propagation (sin) and proclaim
the good (the Word). The propagation of the faith so to speak.
By stopping the bad propagation, I mean by us realizing a sinful thought
and putting it out of our minds. Prevent it from taking root.
I do not mean to violently stop someone and thereby creating another
and different sin. We must be imitators of Christ, who bore all
kinds of insults and physical abuse without retaliation. Only
Love. I
give thanks to God every day and ask Him to fill our hearts with His
Love. I ask that I may contribute by bearing the fruit of His Love to
others.
In this, the 5th day of the fifth week,
I want to thank Jesus for he have saved me and the whole humanity from
sin, and we can experiment his liberating power. The honor, the power
and the Glory are yours, Father, in Jesus. And I am confident and glad.
I am starting week 5, and it is very
difficult to think about sin without outrage, especially institutional
sin. (goivernments that hide stuff, organizations that use misleading
info to push an agenda, etc.) One thing that does help me though,
it thinking that Jesus's passion is there to give us a clean slate,
and that I can use that to be a member of holiness as best I can in
whatever organization or group I'm in--and if I fail, Jesus is there
for me.
[I too was] hurt by a pastor and people of
the parish and am not ready to forgive completely. It happened
4 years ago. I too want to forgive but not completely. But in
sharing this with my spiritual director I was told that St. Ignatius
said that the desire to desire to change our heart is good enough for
God. We should adopt the attitude of utter helplessness before
God, that we cannot overcome some failing in ourselves and let God take
over. I haven't forgiven completely yet, but with God's help I will.
In His time. I will pray for you. A fellow traveler.
It was a difficult week. (5)
Sin. Its nature is chaos. Nowhere to begin. Nowhere to end.
Simply nowhere, but feelings of fear, guilt, anger, impatience, denial.
Like hell, unbearable. But sometime, somewhere from the past, from behind,
a distant melody can be heard. At first, a mere attraction that
remained unexplained. Falling-in-love with the melody was enough - fit
to be a movie score or TV soap opera - sentimental and carnal. Then
the words of the song emerged. Borrowed, yes, from a Filipino
Jesuit, Arnel Aquino, SJ, but the truth of experience was ringing universal.
Originally in Tagalog (a Filipino dialect), the message came strongly
as I 'interpret' its refrain: "With
you ... I am waiting for you.
This love - the only longing in my heart -
for your return in my bosom, is drenched with
yearning.
Be still and listen: 'Be mine again.'" Forgiveness
of God became a song: "Be Mine Again." Notwithstanding the controversies
around Terrence McNally's "Corpus Christi," the play moved me to tears
as it portrayed more vividly and passionately 'forgiveness' coming from
the heat of one's chest [warmth of one's heart] that seeks out the other
not to be left out in the cold, isolated. Tears welled up from
my eyes that I may 'see again.' Sin and Forgiveness - grace of
tears and song - gifts of listening, seeing, touching, feeling, tasting
- God beckoning, "Be Mine Again." Deo Gratias!
The impression this week as I reflected on
the Photo (5) and thereafter on the world around me is that God
intensely desires to show me that the treasure is lying in my soul,
it's all there where God's plan is all about.
The greatness and beauty of created things will
not only help to train me properly but to let me achieve to know what
God loves. My soul should be treated as a holy temple , being baptized
in Christ , a new birth was given .
Thank you my Lord for these graces and help me
to lift my eyes from the ugliness of this world and to choose all what
you desire from me : Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,
Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control. I pray that I may give
up my human outlook so as to consider things in the light of Faith,
and to be taught only by Christ.
I am now in week 5 of the retreat.
I have been tempted to share earlier but this is my first time.
I have really enjoyed the retreat so far. I really liked looking
back over my life and seeing God in His creation all around me the first
few weeks. I love the themes to keep focused on for each week.
Sometimes I feel as though I have not put enough time into the retreat
every day but then I realize that when I am on my way someplace these
things are going through my mind and have become a part of my life.
I am moved by the sharing of others on this site. I hope to post
my thoughts more as time goes on. May this be an enriching experience
for all of us.
I was mired on Week 5 for 9 days.
I was amazed, during that time, to come to the knowledge that I have
long operated at arm's length from the evil and sin in the world. Yes,
I observe various rituals to [I thought] prove and strengthen my faith:
Sunday liturgy; the holy days [pretty much]; rosary; "At Home with the
Word" reflections on the week's liturgy readings; give generously to
our home parish; give to the missions; participate in "good works";
blah, blah, blah... All
of that, I thought, made me a good and kind person. I honestly believed
that I was doing something positive to assuage the misery all around
us. What I'm coing to think, though, is that I have never really sullied
my hands or done much actively to counteract the effects of hatred,
violence, and the like. I am the kind of person who turns the channel
when a story on the news features unpleasant subject matter: starvation,
cruelty to animals, war, and the like. For me, those kinds of things
did not exist if I could not see them. Knowing
that, I'm left to ponder whether the Week 5 practice of ending each
day thanking God for Her forgiving power and love is appropriate for
me. There's so much for which I need to be forgiven, in my small world,
that I wonder where I get the nerve even to ask for forgiveness.
As I started week 5 of this retreat,
I almost gave it up. The idea of dealing with the weight of sin
this week defeated me. I have been in a battle with Satan in my
marriage over pornography. After a whole day of procrastinating, I went
to confession this afternoon and received the unmerited grace I desperately
needed. This dear priest gave me the advice I needed to turn the battle
over to God the Father instead of carrying it myself. He referred
to pornography as a " gift of the devil." I will turn to the image of
Jesus crucified each night to be reminded of His love and mercy and
the price He paid for us to have the victory. I thank God for
this site and I thank God for the gift of the sacraments and I thank
God for His servant who was sitting in the confessional today.
I am on the 5th week of this retreat.
What a blessing to know it is here for me whenever I want. I think
finding this retreat at this time in my life is God's grace surely working
in my life. I was looking for my reunion class and found the site
and there in front of me was a picture of the church I was married in
on campus years ago. The marriage did not survive and reminds
me of the bombed Bosnia village in the pictures. That is what
my life felt like then. Such sadness around a breakup like that
and there seemed to be no God in my life, only pain. It has been
a series of broken relationships since then and I am just beginning
to realize why. I know God works in my life because I adopted
as a single parent years ago and have a beautiful son. He brought me
back to the church where I found a priest who "accepted" we marginalized
divorced and single Catholics. I now have a rewarding fulfilling
job and friends and family that are support for me. I also share
the joy and sorrows of my journey with others through 12 step work.
God works in my life when I surrender to Her. Thank you for providing
help and companions for my journey. God is giving me what I need
today and for that I am grateful. I pray for all of you and I so cherish
the shares. They are important to me too.
I realized while struggling through week
5 and 6, that my sense of being close to Jesus is a distant closeness.
I can sense the Lord but not be near Him. Then I realized that
this sense or feeling is because of me not God. I choose to hold Him
off at a distance and so the next question is why? This
site has really helped me to look at my relationship with the Lord more
maturely and for this I am grateful.
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