Week 12
Week 12: As I move into week 12, I am increasingly aware of how hard it is for me to love. It seems to be a worthy pursuit, but I feel inadequate. I give at work, at home, in my parish and with various charities, but something is missing. I study and pray and receive sacraments, but I seem to lack an easy capacity for love. There is a sense of reserve, not a lack of emotion in general, but a lack of generosity. Perhaps, if I am able to know Christ more fully, I will increase my capacity for love. I have doubts and hope for grace. I want to move ahead in a steady weekly rhythm, but regret that I am not entering Advent at this point in the retreat. It seems so easy for me to find fault, get discouraged. Why is that I have not written to discuss all that I have already received from this retreat? Because this is where I am. As discouraging as it is to see my faults, it is good to be honest. It would be much easier if were just a better, more loving and enthusiastic person. As for patience, that would be a blessing, too.
This is my first day of week 12 and I am excited and open to God's love. Mostly I want to love our Lord and God deeply and humbly. I have always know and felt Their love for me. I have always felt my love is not really there. I hope and pray that subsequent retreat weeks will create a strong and lasting love for God and all his creations. I also believe that "When God is repositioning your life the devil will begin to attack" I sense it happening and pray to fend him away.
Week 12 Jesus is in my heart and soul, I can't imagine the compassion he had for the world when he was healing people, the sick the hungry, the dying, people who are spiritually searching. I can only imagine the compassion he feels now looking at the world he created and wondering why there's so much that's without Him. The bombings in India, the supply trucks being torched in Pakistan, the people in South Africa who are without, our own hunger and poverty in the US. I can see God in people, in everyday life now. I feel his presence in church, at home, work or wherever I am. If I'm present and not distracted by life, ie. my son calling me to tell me he needs a new cell phone, or our ongoing discussion that he's agnostic now and not atheist, or the stresses at work, or my beautiful grandson whom I adore, and pray everyday that my other son will have baptized, he's now 4. But then God's there too in everyday things. I can see the beauty of his creation all around me, my family, friends, the changing seasons, compassion for others. I wonder why it's taken me so long to become aware and mindful. Lord, help me to know where you want me to go, to serve. I say St Ignatious' prayer everyday, it's so beautiful. Teach me to serve you as you deserve, to give and not count the cost, to fight and not heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labor and not to seek reward, save that of knowing that I am doing your will. Amen --Patti
On some levels I felt
this should have been a deep week for reflection. After all the fact
that God loves us so much that He is willing to enter and re-enter our
lives even in the midst of great sin and suffering is an awesome proposition.
But there was so much happening that in some ways I felt my spiritual
life was under a veil. Maybe that is a very appropriate image for the
first week in Advent. There was so much happening both good and also
challenging in my work life. Then I woke up on Saturday with a terrible
back spasm so I spent most of Saturday either in bed or flat on my back
in living room. I felt there was definite veil covering my spirit. But
then I see that what is more incredible is that God desires to tare
this veil away and to be there in love in my life. I cannot respond
selfishly to this. I need to respond by thanking Jesus and truly asking
for the grace to love him more dearly, see him more clearly and follow
him more nearly even if the direction seems foggy.
I appreciate this retreat
and the communion with my fellow retreatants in prayer, through the
reflections, and through the sharing. The image of the bombed out village
recalls an experience in Viet Nam. My hootch was wooden shack partitioned
into six rooms, each with a cot and a locker. It had a metal corrugated
roof that would amplify the rain during monsoons. There were two steps
up to the door, so the wooden floor was about twenty inches off of ground.
One day I noticed that through the space between two floor planks, up
from the darkness a tiny delicate flower grew and curled around the
leg of my bunk. That gift still brings tears, forty years later. Grace
meets adversity. Faith waits.
-- Roger
In thinking about the Incarnation
and God made Man, I also found myself thinking about what we mean by
God in the first place, how our language manages to encompass the Infinite
and how I would explain the concept of God to an unbeliever. I think
I have food for many weeks of thought there.
-- Liz W
Week
12: Widowed
6 years ago, someone said to me this week that my husband’s death
has made me a pilgrim in body, soul, heart and spirit. (I was describing
my recent travels.) I have been gifted with the resurrection like Jesus’
promise at Lazarus’ death – for me a life that allows the
broad exploring of the world and the deep exploring of the soul. Also this week,
I received news that my children and grandchildren will be elsewhere
this Christmas. My home will be empty. I will be alone. My prayer this
Advent will be for a new pregnancy, like Sarah in her old age. I will
wait “in emptiness and longing” for a new gestation of God’s
word. THIS is how I will celebrate the Incarnation this year. My faith
tells me that darkness and emptiness hold treasures. How difficult it
is to let go of one’s children as they establish their own homes
and traditions.
--Anita
Week
12: Ever since I received Salvation, an ongoing prayer
of mine has been that I would fall head-over-heels in love with Jesus.
This request is being answered with this retreat. The best that I can
offer is that I am hopeful. since I have never been in love before,
I feel as though I am treading on a new path -- one that has not been
tested, so I am unsure of its steadiness or where the twists and turns
will lead me. I always thought that falling in love just happened; the
connection was made and magically you fell in love. However, I now realize
that falling in love is a conscious decision that needs to be made (We
have the choice to accept or refuse the invitation / connection). Then
once the decision is made, we/I have to work on it. that thought astounded
me. On page two of the guide it says, "...sustaining a loving relationship
that leads to self-sacrificing love, takes a lot of fidelity. "Fidelity"
is a word that has been mentioned numerous times in past weeks. I kind
of, sorta knew the meaning of the word, but I decided to look it up
anyway to refresh and renew my mind. Fidelity equals devotion, constancy
and faithfulness. That knotes a lot of hard work! I really thought that
love was there or it wasn't; I didn't know you had to work on love.
Naive, stupid or just plain uneducated -- I don't know; so I decided
to follow the guides instructions and find out what I could about Jesus
that wasn't head knowledge. I knew that I couldn't physically walk and
talk with Him watching His body language, so I did the only thing I
could think of this week. I asked the Lord which gospel I should read.
We chose Matthew. I am reading it slowly, deliberately doing the best
I can to hear His tone of voice, voice inflection, see His body language
and the look and demeanor of His face. I'm taking it slowly; praying
my way through so that it is Jesus and me and not my flying off into
a fantasy world.
I appreciate the wording in the guide that "we are in the process
of falling in love with Jesus". This takes away the pressure that
I would place on myself to conjure up feelings that I don't have yet
-- but they will come!
-- Jan
I
made the decision to change my job (actually career), move to a city
we had never dreamt we would want to go to. I did a significant amount
of prayerful discernment. I feel consolation. I put my trust in God
to continue to guide me. Pray for me. This
movement started when I did this retreat last year. It's probably not
a good idea to make major life decisions during a retreat but I consider
this decision emanated from the process started over a year ago. There
is a great temptation to stop.. ("OK Lord, I've done it …
can I return to my life now?"). But I also know that Jesus wants
to deepen His relationship with me … with all of us. So now I
need to continue to reflect on further expanding Jesus' presence in
my life. I
have been contemplating the themes of his great love for us. My spiritual
partner on this retreat and I have discussed this over the last few
weeks. How inclusive is His love? I find it useful to develop a Litany
of Hates. For every person or type of person or category that I might
be tempted to not love … even despise … I list but in the
sentence "God loves very deeply XXX"). I find this helpful
and changes my views in sometimes subtle … often radical ways.
I also more deeply reflected on this at the beginning of the week when
the Gospel reading for the day was about the Roman Centurion who asked
Jesus to heal his sick servant. Jesus did not give him a lecture on
the merits of Judaism. He recognized the love the Roman officer had
and how he had been touched by his servants' suffering. In looking at
Jesus' pictures of his life perhaps the reason for Jesus' strong reaction
is that being touched by suffering … indeed seeing the real humanity
in others (as opposed to seeing others as "instruments" to
get things done which we often see in our workplaces) is what is central
to Jesus' own pictures. I am thankful that I am loved and I ask for
the grace to recognize the Lord in others and reach out to them as Jesus
did. Thank
you for this retreat.
Part
way through week 12, falling in love with Jesus. I
have loved Jesus for a long time, but this is a time to let Jesus show
me more of Himself. As I try to be open, I am also finding that I am
seeing God the Father. They are One, so when I see Jesus touching people,
I am starting to see the Father touch them as well. (This is new for
me.) Can it really be that the Father not only gave His only Son for
us, but He also gave Himself? I want to love God more. As with last
week, every yes brings love closer. May I always speak and live that
yes. And when I don't, lead me back.
hello
to all on retreat.i was travelling to family throughout week
12 and i tried to have the background theme running but i couldnt
quite understand it. and battled to grasp the feeling of jesus here
on a mission from god. i suppose that seemes foolish. i could glimpse
the compassion of the father looking at this world and sending his son
to us . i could see me travelling from my son in one city to my daughter
in another and understand just a glimmer of the divine taking care of
his loved ones. and when i was with my son and his family the joy and
delight in seeing these young people who have struggled and run wild
- now fine young adults - warmed my heart.
on the last day of my trip i went to work in sydney with my daughter
to see what her daily life is like so i can imagine her there when im
home here 1000 kiloometres from her and as we walked through a long
cold railway tunnel in winter - this lovely young woman bent to each
busker and each homeless person and smiled and put gold coins down for
them. and her compassion was a beautiful thing to watch. it was just
one element of a loving and blessed week . im glad to be done with week
12 but i cant quite tell you why.
as i roamed over 1000s kilometres here on buses and trains and planes
- i was aware of the concept of following to whatever jerusalem i am
led to and now i can picture the light again. lighting the path god
wants me to follow. god bless you all.
-- nell from tweed
I
had a hard time making sense of this week’s material. There was
talk of falling in love and of Jesus’ photo album and of why Jesus
took on flesh to be with us. None of it seemed to line up for me.I kept
thinking about this week’s picture: the tree—what does it
represent? Eden or the Cross? And the barrier of yellow tape that surrounds
it—what does it say? “MINE! MINE! MINE!” More ambiguity—though
I know the tape warns of land mines, it also seems to shout out someone’s
ownership…“God’s compassion missions Jesus.”
The best I can do is this: at the center of my heart is the Cross. From
before time it waited for Christ. Christ saw the barrenness of that
cross. He has navigated the MINES! of my heart—all the selfish
attachments I cling to—so that my cross, all suffering, will not
be empty any more, but bear his image. If I want to see him there, I
must, too, navigate the MINES! They will be suddenly behind me, just
as the glories of heaven were left behind when Christ chose incarnation.
And he and I will be together, there between heaven and earth.Tom, Pennsylvania
Lord, as I
have sat with you this week, contemplating your story … trying
to understand it more fully … relating it to my life … I
am struck even more by the immensity of your creation and loving power. You created a world
which could be self sustaining … a world which evolves in dynamic
ways. You created variation. Our ancient wisdom texts saw variation
as a sign of your majesty … whether it was variation in language
or variation in nature. The fact that we can understand the dynamics
of most natural systems through the eyes of probabilities does not imply
that creation was a random event. Randomness is a “null state”.
Probability distributions illustrate the dynamic development of your
original plan.That original plan offered us the opportunity to live
with you in perfect freedom. But free to explore the world we lived
in we chose not to live with you. Rather, we saw opportunities to put
ourselves at the center of things often for our temporary good and at
the expense of others around us. We have repeated this pattern century
after century … passing on our self-centeredness to other generations
… seeing our creativeness as evidence of our superiority rather
than as part of your creative plan.How frustrating for you, Lord, who
only wanted to put all things at our disposal to understand you better
and to live in perfect freedom with you. Variation also can have catastrophic
effects not only dividing and separating people but causing the powerful
to continue to flourish and to ignore the center of creation as being
in you. So you also demonstrated even more love. You breathed your Spirit
on your people so that they would see the effects of our disobedience
and return to you. As we repeat in the Eucharistic Prayer, “”From
age to age you gather a people to yourself … from East to West
… so that a perfect offering may be made”. The witness to
your loving correction is played out over and over again. But still
we have a hard time taking up your offer.So you come to us in the form
of your Son to show us your love in concrete ways. But, Lord, you are
realistic. That event is transformational because He touched deeply
a small group of people who saw again your transforming power. You were
realistic because you saw that the probability that the rich and powerful
and those who thought they depended on them would not necessarily be
changed by you in this form. You engaged where it most hurt …
becoming a victim to their ultimate cruelty … and then having
the audacity to rise again and show that even death could be overcome.So
I look at the picture of Sarajevo and I ask … how is this playing
out here? I see the depth of cruelty and inhumanity and realize that
you ask me to be there with you because if I’m not it is to deny
your ultimate action on Calvary. But I look beyond there at the skyscrapers
in a city that could be any 21st century city. I see the creativity
that springs from that then I see that there we have the sponsors of
inhumanity, the indifferent and the refugees. Then, I think of my friend
and mentor, Luis, who month after month, consistent with his Ignatian
roots, during the heights of the Yugoslavian troubles flew secret missions
to Kosovo and other places to try to broker peace. I think of my friend
Justin’s father who despite having suffered terrible cruelty himself
in Central Africa, true to his Catholic upbringing, worked tirelessly
in East Timor and now in Cote de Ivory for peace. I see in these people
that your transforming presence, Lord, still lives on.So I ask …
what part of your transforming presence do you want me to take on?
On Friday of
this week, Jesus spoke to me, as always, through the Gospel…”Whoever
seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life
will save it.” Luke 17:33 Then the reflection written by Mitch
Finley said, “The only way to be a channel of the presence of
the risen Christ in the world is to let your life slip right through
your fingers in whatever way you can.” At this point on this journey,
I have been more able and willing to let that happen. “I just
can’t seem to do enough for you, my Jesus!” Now, as I am
assured of His love for me, it has become so much easier. I cry in thanks
everyday at one time or another. Somewhere I read that we experience
true joy only at the foot of the cross. Before I always separated the
two…now they are enmeshed and my peace is overflowing. Week
12 --June
Week 12 was difficult
for me. I have a 36 year old son who has retreated from life, fails
to work, lives off a small inheritence and does not communicate with
me or much of anyone. I continue to write to him, expressing my love
but getting no response. His stepmother contacted me to say that she
thought I should take guardianship of him so he does not lose the house
that he was given free and clear. I could not do so, because while he
is self-destructive and irresponsible, he is not mentally incompetent.
Twice before recently I have struggled in prayer with how to help him
and the message has been "let go and let Me take over ." I
have done so knowing that because of family history, this could mean
some rough times ahead for him. I have been given the Scripture of the
prodigal son who had to come to his senses and the lame man who was
asked if he wanted to get well, and then told to take up his bed and
walk--both requiring something of the person involved. This time again
I asked for Scripture and the passage in Matthew came to mind (most
like because of our study this week)--Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how I longed
to gather you under my wing like a mother hen gathers her chicks, but
you would not. I felt such sadness and compassion for my son and realized
that the Father and the Son look at all their children in this world
with the same compassion and desire to act that I have felt for my son---but
they too need our response.
I did not feel as though I was
bearing much fruit in week twelve because it seemed to call to
mind some of the same feelings and images I had in week five (perhaps
because of the similarity of the pictures for these two weeks).
My interpretation seemed to be of a God looking with feeling from a
distance at what was happening to the earth where people were not valuing
one another and creation. From this vantage point, God saw the
big picture and felt the anguish of seeing what had been created for
happiness and good abusing and hurting and being abused and being hurt.
It just seemed that people did not get the truth that we are all equal
in the eyes of God and that God wants happiness, joy, love, and peace
for all. God wants all of us to understand that and so became
incarnate. After I went back and read my reflection from week
five, I realized that this week did produce slightly different fruit.
Ask and you shall receive! We have
our song for this week. Day by Day. Another powerful prayer. Help me
to know You more clearly, love You more dearly and follow You more closely...day
by day. Sing that one as you smile through your everyday routines.
I will! Week 12
Come Lord Jesus!
The most loving ,compassionate act ever was realized by the missioning
of Jesus to bring his light and salvation into our bombed out worlds,
both personal and global.
God's greatest act of love came to us in such a obscure way... His Son
changed everything! This week I had such mixed insights and actions...
at times looking at friends, neighbors, strangers with the thought that
His mission of love and salvation is for all. Why do I so easily forget
this in the middle of challenges? I know that Jesus is there and
that His mission is to save all. I just need to keep reminding
myself that in the middle of lifes harshness, disappointments,
and heartbreak that the Light is there to overcome the darkness of my
soul and heart at times.
Lead me on by your light Lord Jesus. The line in one of the prayers
struck a chord with me, "to give me the courage to follow
Him to whatever Jerusalem He leads me, today, and everyday, for ever
and ever.
Thank you for allowing me to know that He is working in me in moments
of great light, and in moments of darkness, He has overcome the darkness
and is continuing to do so, if I allow the Light into my heart.
Come Lord Jesus, break into my heart.
This week the retreat focuses on
a general view of Christ. The readings I have reviewed so far have focused
on Jesus as God, Son of God and Savior. The photo for the week is a
bombed out village with the saying about God loving man so much that
he sent his Son. I was initially confused by this photo and its accompanying
but contrasting statement. Eventually, it made sense. I started this
retreat with the hope of finding God in the ordinary. I thought it would
be good to attempt to retreat while in the throngs of my everyday life.
In this retreat, I did not want a series of consolations that would
be granted in the beautiful solitude of a country retreat center. Therefore,
it makes sense that I should focus on Christ while thinking about a
burnt, deserted village and not just focus on His Godliness and unconditional
love within the blessings of life. Christ should be as easy to find
in the turmoil as He is in more peaceful and idealistic settings. It
is in the smoke and dirt that Mother Theresa and so many saints found
Him.
Lord, let me find you in the bombed out villages of my world.
Of course added to the problems of finding Jesus in the external turmoil,
I have an additional problem. While I may want to follow Jesus, often
I ask him to wait so I can go back and “bury the dead.”
I wait the fact that I make him wait because One thing is clear, without
the Lord there is no peace in my life. I wish I could be sinless and
always in his presence.
Today I start week 12. Last night just before
a service for peace at St. Mary’s, I prayed the Luminous Mysteries
of the Rosary. St. Louis de Montfort wrote some thought provoking (and
attention retaining) phrases inserted into the Hail Marys of the Rosary
that I have used for years. He did not have the Luminous Mysteries in
his day, so I have been struggling to find my own short phrases to insert.
The second Luminous Mystery, the Miracle of the Wedding Feast at Cana,
caused more difficulty for me than the others. Last nite, however, the
Lord revealed something to me. For so long I have wondered what great
works He wants me to do for him. At the very beginning of my reflection
on the Cana miracle, it hit me: Mary said “Do whatever He tells
you.” Then Jesus said “Fill these jars with water.”
A very ordinary task. Nothing at all unusual or especially difficult.
I realized then that He does not ask me to do ‘great’ things,
but only little things that He can make great. It is such a privilege
to be an instrument of His love. He doesn’t expect much from me
because He is the miracle worker. My pride had again been in the way.
I insisted on asking what I could do. All I need do is act in faith
and love, as He did. He takes care of the rest. As I enter this week,
I pray for the grace to know Him and to follow Him, and, most of all,
to ‘do whatever He tells me.’
First of all, in Advent I am happy to reflect
the mystery of incarnation.(the 12th week) the picture inspired
me about many sins and God's love much more than a couple of weeks before.
Pondering Jesus is God's only son and a man like me, I was so touched
by Jesus missioning and my mind had a deeper bonding with God. and I
came to understand Wherever there are hatred and distrust and struggle,
Jesus is always with us for ever because of God's love and forgiveness.
I will await Jesus' s coming and prayer to see Him more clearly, to
love Him more dearly, and to follow Him more near.
Week 12. I end this week on a high note!
At last night’s Vigil Mass, Father John delievered a homily that
caught my imagination, and struck at my heart. "Doubting Thomas" represents
all "mankind". It is difficult for us to "believe" in what we can’t
see. But, when he saw, Thomas, immediately responded with the words
that still ring out to all, even unto this day; "My Lord and My God!"
I pray for the grace to live my life as God our Father intended for
me, I pray that one day, I too, will fall on my knees, and looking into
the Face of Our Lord Jesus, and cry out, "My Lord and My God!" I know
now that the Way will not always be smooth, that my path will be filled
with "potholes", if not deep pits of despair, but I also know that I
will not be abandoned, that the Holy Spirit will be my guide, my strength,
and my will, and that I need only call out to Him to make it to another
Easter, when I will be renewed in the Baptism Waters, until that final
Easter when I meet My Lord and My God face to face!. Amen
I am beginning week 12. Some
of the weeks have taken more than 7 days. I have for the first
time in my 58 years felt such a closeness with Jesus. Many things have
flooded back about my early religious education and experiences and
I am amazed to see how much I didn't see. For the first time my
eyes are opening. Each day, several times during the day, I feel
God's presence in my life. It's the most incredible feeling.
Recently, I was at Mass reflecting on some family turmoil and feeling
very rejected. I was sitting there thinking about how much I had
done and how little I was appreciated and asking God to give me the
grace the get through things. Suddenly I was thinking about Jesus on
the cross and how He was rejected by his people and He loved them in
spite of themselves. My pain was inconsequential by comparison.
Getting out of myself has been an amazing gift of this retreat.
Each week brings a closeness with God that I could not have imagined.
I never knew what it was like to have an intimate relationship with
Him. I give thanks every day for seeing the newspaper article
which brought me to this on-line retreat.
The mystery of the Incarnation (12) became more present to me as I pondered the Trinity looking down on
Bosnia...starving children in Ethiopia,...AIDS in Africa...the
family down the block...and myself...The Incarnation is NOW. The
same movement of love that brought Jesus to Bethlehem and to Calvary,
is active in our world. Would that I only believe it more!
Week 12, Luke 24:13-35, "On the road to
Emmaus", has always been one of my favorite Gospel readings. How often
I wished that I were one of those two men! Imagine meeting Jesus in
person, listening to His voice as he talks about His life, and sharing
a meal with Him! As I wrote this I was struck by these thoughts. Don’t
I still meet Jesus every Sunday (and everyday if I choose) when we celebrate
Mass? Isn’t it then that He is fully present to us in His Words,
the Gospel? Isn’t it then that the meaning of His life, death
and resurrection are made clear to us in the reading of the scriptures,
from Moses and all the prophets? And finally, in the Eucharistic meal,
doesn’t He make Himself fully present to us as He feeds us with
His Body and Blood? Yes! Yes! Yes! and Yes! I thank you Lord Jesus for
this moment, and this reflection that I know was inspired by You. I
love you Lord Jesus, increase my Faith so that I may love You more.
(An afterthought). And in loving You, learn to love others, especially
those I find it difficult to love.
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