Week 13
Week 13
I’m undergoing this retreat under the spiritual direction of Fr. John Lipscomb, who is the chaplain at the Bethany Retreat Center in Lutz.
While I have a list of “spiritual email buddies” I share often with, this is my first sharing with the on-line group like this.
In week 13 - it is suggested we use imagination to put ourself into a circumstance in the bible.
FEED MY SHEEP
John 21: 1 After this, Jesus revealed himself again to his disciples at the Sea of Tiberias. He revealed himself in this way.2Together were Simon Peter, Thomas called Didymus, Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, Zebedee’s sons, and two others of his disciples.... “
I am Thomas, we've been fishing all night and are tired. I am now watching as we see a man on the shore and help as he tells us to throw our nets again and we can barely pull them in. We realize it is Him, the Lord. Peter jumps in the water, ever the fool! John just smiles broadly. We are all happy. But, we have some work to do with this fish. Jesus prepares a meal for us showing us again how we are to serve one another and just do and give. He now talks to Peter:
"Do you love me?" .. "Yes Lord"
"Feed my Lambs"
"Do you Love me" "Yes Lord"
"Tend my Sheep"
"Do you love me?" "Lord you know I love you."
"Feed my sheep"
Peter is sobbing, but this time i was out of joy. The Lord put his hand on his shoulder and Peter looked at Him and I could see a resolve in his face I've never seen before. Everything became more clear to us from that moment on and we accepted Peter as our leader, and he did lead. And we all followed the Lord and resolved to do so no matter the cost.
-------
Then I asked God what his will was for me that day and listened, then wrote this down:
Be present to your family today. Serve them, feed them, tend to them. They are my lambs and sheep and you are to be Peter to them.
May God bless you all today and every day.
-Larry
I've now reached week 13 and am finding the retreat really helpful. It has been great as a UK nonconformist to be able to share in such a rich tradition and to have some of my inherited preconceptions exploded!
I'm slightly bemused by the frequent use of the word "graces'" and I 'm not sure what I have received in this regard. I have been heartened by finding affirmation of some of my learnings in recent years about my relationship with God. Better still, though, I have learnt a little more about how far I have yet to go, and it is a very long way!
Hardest for me is to let go and be less defensive in my feelings area. I think I learnt at a very young age to protect my feelings and it is hard to unlearn it, even sometimes with those closest to me. And I think that when at age 15 I promised my life to God I only did it with my head and not with my heart. Now at nearly 70 I am trying to get round to finishing the job.
With regard to Week 12 there is a poem by the Welsh poet R S Thomas that I love - The Coming
And God held in his hand
A small globe. Look, he said.
The son looked. Far off,
As through water, he saw
A scorched land of fierce
Colour. The light burned
There: crusted buildings
Cast their shadows; a bright
Serpent, a river
Uncoiled itself, radiant
With slime.
On a bare
Hill a bare tree saddened
The sky. Many people
Held out their thin arms
To it, as though waiting
For a vanished April
To return to its crossed
Boughs. The son watched
Them. Let me go there, he said
-Colin, Bristol, UK
Weeks 12 and 13 seem to go together for me. I am so happy that I did not stop at week 12 - or try to work on it more. I was so distracted during week 12 - occasions of sin. Slapping my Saviour in His face. Despair - why continue? Intentionally saying "I'll do it my way." "I want this now." Thankfully a friend said, "It just means that you are getting close. It's too bad for you. Keep working." That helped open my ears to a homily and I decided to move on to week 13.I have been thankful to reflect on Jesus's culture, His stories. I started about wondering why there is no mention of his sexual life. If married men would use a prostitute, did single men? The law said NO, what was the accepted practice? In Genesis, Joseph's father had sex with a person he thought was a prostitute and was ready to kill until he learned who she is. Law versus self-gratification. Sexual tension and sin are in the stories of the Old and New Testaments. I have moved on to so much more to see the promise of the Kingdom of God woven throughout Jesus's story. The unimaginable forgiveness over and over again. The tensions, the me first attitude, praise the law in public and break the law when no one sees -- but God sees it all and Jesus's stories are full of forgiveness over and over again. I am so happy that I moved on to week 13. The grace to express my wonders and my doubts help me feel my weak faith, and my almost extinguished hope. In Jesus I will find life.-- Joe
Lord,
As I view your photo album I am struck by the incredible faithfulness
of people who shaped our faith … Abraham, Moses, Elijah …to
name a few. Then I see like my own album that there are scenes that
God did not plan but become unique sources of grace and renewal …
Joseph in Egypt …. Then also like my own album there are scenes
where it is clear that God has been forgotten … selfishness …
poverty, exploitation are as much embedded in these scenes. Yet the
prophetic promise still cries out … God wants to reach us. How
is God reaching me today? It is easy to see that call as a constant
theme and so to ignore… know that we can come back … promise
to come back. But what happens if I see that call for the first and
last time … what if I really respond to the call of Jesus as urgent
and immediate? That seems more demanding … it is more comfortable
to see it as a journey. Part of it is I know I am not worthy …
haven't completed all of the "Holy self-improvement programme".
But what if that call is that this doesn't really matter? God calls
me as I am now? So I resolve to say yes … but I do that with little
understanding … then I see Jesus turn back to the pictures I started
with … Abraham, Moses and Elijah … to name a few …
and I realise that I am not the first to feel this. Lord, grant me the
grace and courage to get in the picture with them. Amen
Week 13: Praying Psalm 81 was recommended this week. Two lines jumped from the
page as I prayed this psalm. Before I knew it, they had penetrated to
some place deep within where I answered “yes”. Completely
by surprise, they seemed a confirmation of the decision at this time
in my life to leave involvement with a non-profit group to have more
time/solitude available for prayer and writing. The lines: “I
relieve your shoulder of the burden; your spirit is free to create.”
(line 6, trans. by Nan Merrill) Also, this week, at a desolate time
in prayer, out of nowhere the words; “he squandered his inheritance”,
from the reading of the Prodigal Son, came to mind. My children –
all in their 30s – have seemingly squandered their Christian inheritance.
I must be like the “Father”, and wait for their return home.
-- Anita
Week 13: As I looked
at "Jesus' picture album" I saw more and more the connected
theme of "promise". God's promise ... yes starting with Abraham
... continually renewed ... played out especially in God's love for
the poor and dispossessed. I found relating this reflection of Jesus'
picutre album to the family in the retreat picture quite powerful. As
I looked at the family the picture turned from one of despair to one
of love. Despite the gross deficiencies in how wealth is allocated ...
in people with no real home because they are refugees and tossed around
official systems ... in self-centered violence that results in this
father being maimed because he stepped on a mine ... God's promise of
love is there. I realize that I am called to embody that promise. So
I resolve to remember this picture of love ... to become as attached
to this family and all families like them as much as I am to my own
family. I resolve with God's grace to find ways to play out this promise
in my day-to-day life.
Week 13 - This has been
a wonderful week, and although I haven't intentionally stayed with it
this long (two, possibly three weeks) my experience has been that God
does (is) preparing the way. Awesome God! I say this because He's been
so active in my life these weeks, showing me so many wonderful things,
over and over again. Several things have been happening which I attribute
or incorporate as being a part of this 13th week.
I love this Retreat! This is my second time . . . praying, working,
living it. For me, it has contributed to significant growth in my spirituality.
For one thing, I have continued to begin each new day with the morning
offering which I learned the first time. As I wake in the morning, getting
out of bed I make the sign of the cross, praying "All that I am,
all that I do, and say, I offer to You God today, in union with the
Sacred Heart of Jesus!" That gets me going in the
'right direction', with the right Connection.
I've studied Holy Scripture for roughly thirty years . . . was commission
to teach Bible studies, following completion of a program in our diocese,
early 1980's.
However, I've never looked at the entire Bible as the "Photo Album"
of our dear Lord Jesus. Beautiful concept! Thank you. And now, in this
current week, I'm seeing Him preparing the way even more . . . molding
me, softening my heart in areas which need softening; trusting and loving
Him more. And, yes, there is a sense of preparation, and Advent!
One more thing. To all of our fellow travelers on this journey: "I
love you!"
Thank you for your sharings. We do this together, in the name of Jesus.
PEACE!
How much more do I understand who he is?
How is my love growing? These
are very timely questions for Week 13. The last few
weeks have been difficult - there was a certain optimism during the
first few weeks and a sense that things were going to be OK...but that
sense of 'relief'has faded over the last few weeks...why?... well I
don't know...maybe I'm not as focused and there is a certain 'relapse'
into old patterns...but... There is also an increased awareness of a
fundamental disconnect in my life...I'm going one way, others close
to me remain very much where they are, and are still driving the same
agenda which is causing me a lot of problems, not least distracting
me from this journey...What do I do? How do I square that circle? Can
I bring them with me? Do I even want to?
God knows.
Then there is the big question I seem to be falling down on. Sure, I'm
up for all this but what speficically am I to to? What talents do I
really have to offer etc. I can never figure that one out.
i found myself very sombre this week and
wishing i had access to spiritual feedback. i read in one of the sharings
that they recieved emails from creighton and wish that were in place
for those of us who are alone with this process. nonetheless it felt
rich for me this week. and i didnt get too busy once i came home from
travelling to my children and grandchildren. that enabled me to embrace
the ancient longing as well as the present longing for the love and
presence of my family. several of the readings touched my heart and
spirit. i was feeling older than sarah and very lonely to come back
to my little rented cottage . ths beginning of this century has seen
many seeming losses for me. and driving dark country roads late at night
to come to my place where i live alone was pretty tough.
then i downloaded the weeks retreat and despite the sombre nature of
it - i enjoyed it. can this happiness be mine ? am i too old ? is the
way before me still being prepared ? the questions dominoed through
me all week - but i felt as if i were in the presence of the beloved
and although the answers havent yet come - i did feel that i had someone
to ask them of . and now i wait.
-- nell from tweed
The retreat was with me a lot this week,
especially as I helped my son make an ornament for the “Jesse
tree” in the classroom at his Catholic school. He happened to
draw, as his assignment, King David. I enjoyed showing my son how to
make the six pointed star and wondered how Jesus must have felt to be
Son of David. I imagined Jesus knowing all his ancestors with divine
intimacy and tenderness. Those who gave him the form of his flesh were
not mysterious to him. How marvelous his body must have been to him!
As Son of David, he knew his heritage and his father’s will. Christ
gives me a new understanding of how little I know of my own heritage,
how little I know of God’s will for me. All the more, I must trust
his knowledge, his will.I am grateful for the Jewish people and their
faithfulness to their covenant with the living God. As the psalmist
says, “your heritage is my delight!”Tom, Pennsylvania
I enjoyed this week and felt more focused
although as is typical for this time of year it was a disjointed and
busy week. I entered more fully into reflecting on this week’s
screen saver picture along with the direction to understand “Jesus’
family album”. This was an interesting exercise to do when the
WTO talks are happening in Hong Kong. If ever there was concrete evidence
of how nationalistic self-interest can thwart reaching out to the poorest
of the poor this was it. But looking at the Old Testament stories I
can see how it is so easy to look at these familiar stories and see
them as history … maybe even our history or to see them as the
basis for nationalistic or tribal dogmas. However, seeing them through
Jesus’ eyes I felt a strong sense of the endurance of God as a
strongly loving God. Then I look at the family in the screensaver. Initially
I want to avoid looking at the suffering … the father has obviously
been hurt … and the poverty. But looking at it with a strong sense
of the God of Love from “Jesus’s family album” I understand
that God wants more from me. He wants not just intellectual arguments
or clever dogma. He wants active love. I reread the daily readings as
if I’m reading them with our family in the picture. The words
of scriptures from Isaiah “to me you are very dear and I love
you” demands that in my everyday life I move beyond intellectual
argument to reach out to our screensaver family and others in need.
I have just finished week 13 of the on-line retreat and it is really touching my heart. I want everybody
to know how much God loves each person and how His generosity, love,
mercy, and forgiveness cannot be outdone. God does not want to remain
a mystery to us. He wants us to know Him because He is our creator.
He made us from nothing and loves us as his only child. Many of the
pictures that go with each week personally touch my heart. i was at
the Red Cloud Indian Mission school two summers ago and stood in the
same room where the picture was taken. In April I went to Bosnia-Hercegovnia
and saw the destruction from the war. I visited a refugee camp for the
first time in my life and saw first-hand the injustice of war on the
lives of so many people. I am no longer apathetic about the evils that
go on around me, but have taken an active stance by becoming a volunteer
counselor for women in crisis pregnancies at Right To Life. I am also
leading two adult Catholic Faith Formation classes in my parish and
am a Religious Education teacher for 4th and 5th graders. Thank you
for making this retreat possible.
-- Sandy
It was slow getting into week 13, but God
is so good, as we all know! I was, what I thought of as, behind, letting
my weeks go longer than 7 days…but then, just what I needed happened!
Advent came upon me with the beautiful readings of Isaiah and David’s
Psalms…all that Jesus heard in His own life! Reminders of how
I (and, we) am so connected with Him! Stories of His (and, our) ancestors
that He (and, we) had heard over and over, again. Their sufferings and
joys, their sinfulness and sorrow for theirs sins, their doubts, fears,
hopes, dreams and faith that carried them through all the rest. This
morning, as I began week 14 and how to reflect on God’s Words
by putting myself in the stories, I thought this may be difficult, since
I have never reflected on Scripture this way. However, I want to share
how Jesus came to me through this exercise. The reading from Luke 1:
5-25, 57-66…Zechariah in the temple when the Angel Gabriel gives
him the unbelievable news about John. First, I imagined myself and how
I would be if an angel appeared to me. I, too, would be scared to death!!
Then to give me news of the most unlikely thing that could ever happen!!
I, too, would have questioned this. In fact, I am afraid and I question
many things that go on in my life. My tears came freely and I told Jesus
I was so sorry for these fears and doubts, telling Him I don’t
understand why I have them when I say my faith and trust are in Him
alone. The words that He said on the cross to His Father came into my
thoughts so powerfully at that moment…”My God, My God, why
have you forsaken Me?” By putting this in my thoughts, He reminded
me that He, Himself, in His humanness, was afraid and questioned, too.
In this way, in a way I have never experienced, He told me, so lovingly,
how much He understands me. What a wonderful God we have!!!
-- June
This is my thirteenth week and my first sharing. I just read the prayer How Silently and it is
perfect for Advent. The whole week is perfect for Advent when we are
awaiting the celebration of Jesus' birth.
I want to say yes to God as Mary did and as Jesus did. Sometimes it
is so hard to know what to do. We feel we need to accomplish tasks that
are necessary for a traditional Christmas, yet none of these traditions
mean anything if we do not accept "the gift we need so that we
can be the gift others need", which is not always a material gift.
Like children we keep unwrapping packages until we find the gift that
satisfies. Jesus working through me is that gift.
This is week 13 for me,
and it speaks so much to how I have lived for almost 70 years. I have
had a come hither-go away with my spiritual yearnings for as long as
I can remember. I have had some times of incredible "highs"
when I thought constantly of God, and saw Jesus in all I met and was
led to do. Then there have been those time, too many I am afraid, when
I turned deliberately or through simple neglect from the path of my
"highs". This week is helping me deal with that! Even in this
week I have found myself slipping into that pattern; however, I have
asked for the grace to be drawn back into a Jesus consciousness often
and for longer periods. I have so far to go, but the path does become
clearer and clearer whether I walk on it or over to the side. As Christmas approaches
I visit with Jesus about the joy of the season and the nearness of His
coming as a child in poverty and into a cold world that even denied
Him a home as a newborn. I ask him to give us all the grace to somehow
continue to hang on to the spirit of this season. I ask for this every
year; perhaps this is the one that will be my year of remembering. Perhaps
as I continue this retreat it will become the prodding that I need to
keep me close to the enduring spirit of the newborn Jesus.
I just finished week 13 of the on-line retreat: “God prepares the way” and have
most certainly experienced, through these exercises, that God has prepared
the way for me to move away from fear and cowardice to lovingly and
fearless proclaiming of His good news. I did not realize that
was what He was doing at first…but why should I: I am creature;
He is Creator. I have been struggling for a long, long time with
trying to overcome my fear of speaking the truth regarding my beliefs
on moral issues, particularly abortion and same-sex marriages.
I used as my excuse the fact that I live in the San Francisco Bay Area
and that it was not safe to voice such scorned minority opinion; nonetheless,
this lack of bearing true witness did not sit well with me. I
love my God and I believe in the sanctity of life and marriage:
why could I not bear witness to this.
I thought that if I looked over my life, I could find the core of the
fear and weed it out…like magic I would be free of my fear.
I found most quickly that this attempt at an easy fix did not work.
I still feared to speak the truth. Then I started week 13.
It seemed rather mundane to me…to look at the Old Testament and
Jesus’ Jewish heritage. Little did I know the graces that
I would receive. It has taken me about 3 to 4 weeks to move through
the lessons and challenges found within the context and content of the
lesson. I think that it started with the question of “what
do I long for from God” and the directive to learn “to ache
with the world and its ancient longing for return and unity with its
loving Creator.” I realized that I long for freedom from
all that keeps me from the love of my God and from my returning that
love, i.e., freedom from my ego, my fears, my self. I saw
my fears and lack of true witness as hindering me in my love relationship
with Love....
...And so I am so grateful for the many graces that I have received
from week 13 on the on-line retreat and pray that I continue to bear
true witness to the loving kindness and magnificent goodness of my God
and the truth of His Word
I am beginning week 13 of
the Online Retreat. I was so blessed to find this site in January, and
the journey continues to bless. For me, the tremendous amounts of "grace
reminders" have been so helpful. I am constantly and lovingly reminded
that this is a journey. While I look at sins and failures, I'm also
encouraged to turn everything over to God and let Him work even through
them! What a profound gift.
I believe that the biggest grace
for week thirteen happened right at the beginning of the week.
It just hit me that Jesus coming into the world was known and planned
by God from the beginning of time. It just always seemed to me
that Jesus came in to the world because the people were not listening
and paying attention to the God who had created them and sent them signs
and messengers etc. Then, with the information for this week it
helped me to realize that while Jesus was sent into the world to save
the world that His coming was planned from all time.
These past few weeks, the centering
is on God and God's revealing self throughout time, like looking at
God's personal scrapbook. After reflecting on today's readings, I am
beginning to think that God loves being the "ultimate mystery".
I chuckled at the thought, as it rolled across my inward spiritual screen
today, that God indeed loves being the "Mystery". Jesus spoke
in parables and puzzled the proud and ignorant and I agree, how could
Elijah come again as John the Baptist. I think Jesus love his ability
to be sharp. It's almost like a game. But what kind of game? Why are
we always needing an explaination?
In child psychology there is the test of object permanence that little
children play. (peek a boo). We adults are kind of like this with
God. It is only when we uncover our eyes and open them widely that we
see God, yet God is always there, yet as mystery, until we seek to see
more deeply. Only those who are sparked to seek and find are open to
knowing God. You keep directing me towards the Trinity and I am learning
that Trinity is God's self-portrait.
It is different with children, God is not found in the object permanence.
Little children reveal God. They are so spiritually connected with God
that they cannot be hidden from their master teacher who guides them
and carries continual conversation with their very souls.
So as I write and read what I just wrote here, I remember those things
Jesus said about the children. I always attributed Jesus' words to mean
"faith/belief". I never once thought that Jesus meant that we must reflect
God as master teacher from within our souls as children and not play
the game of object permenance with God as adults tend to do.
I see how desiring God is for us to long in our souls for this Emmanual.
It appears as though the Mystery is almost unknowable and unreachable
and that our reaching out is only filling us piece by piece, like the
bread at the table, not ever realizing the whole of God and yet there
is given us- Emmanual. I wonder why. Week 13
God does not make clones.
Each of us is unique, precious, no two of us alike. Yet it is
such a pleasure to share, to see that we are alike - in some ways.
We are loved. We love. We wish to learn more about each
other, about our beloveds. We wish to be known, understood, loved.
Only God understands us perfectly. We will never understand God
- perfectly. What a blessing it is to have the Old Testament,
a kind of picture book. It is such a good help in learning more
about Our Most Beloved. We learn things to help us understand Jesus
just a little better, a little more.
After 50 years of marriage, we are still learning things about each
other. Yesterday I learned something about my wife's childhood.
Something happened 80 years ago. Now I understand her - just a
little better.
All we have to do is listen, pray and listen and - pray.
The prayer Silently... was very
powerful for me. It reminds me that all is for Purpose. He has a plan.
Then, of course, that fit with all the rest, the history from the Bible
stories which directly relate to the life cycles of growing up. The
search for Meaning, then having found direction the need for "Judges"
to help deal with differences in our concept of Good, then our need
for leadership and when the leaders get self absorbed the need for prophets
to challenge them. And all this to establish a place of peace and harmony,
a union with God, heaven. The model applies whether it is applied to
governments, churches, schools, families, or individuals. Along the
Way we are called on to fill these different roles in different ways
Patience to know, to listen for which roles I am to fulfill today, Silently...expectantly. Week 13.
The directions for this week are
in contrast to the first few weeks of the retreat. Then, we were to
review our life through reviewing old photo albums (figuratively or
literally). This week we are to look at God’s photo album as it
moves through salvation history. In reading a few of the suggested scriptures,
and also reading the liturgical readings for the last couple of days,
I recall Dorothy Day’s comments that God is not bound by time.
She was saying something that had never occurred to me before: We can
pray for things that happened in the past because with God there are
not limits in time. He is Lord over the past and our prayers for things
in past can bear fruit.
The Scriptures are also without time restraints in many ways. Reading
the Genesis readings for the retreat and the Letters of Paul from the
liturgical calendar, the concept of time explained by Dorothy Day came
to mind because I was strongly struck with the fact that both readings
were written today. It strikes me that God’s photo album (as seen
in the scriptures) can be viewed as a series of digital pictures just
taken of subjects still alive and in front of me. But his photo album
can also a viewed as a series of old black and white photos reflecting
images and subjects I will never actually see, but that reflect my very
roots. God’s photos are new like the first cool breeze of fall
and old like the depth of hard, dark wood.
The other thing I noticed about God’s photo album is that He puts
a lot of unpleasant photos in his album of bad experiences. It’s
not just a bunch of birthday parties. Week 13
Your suggestions about "waiting" in last
week's general direction was a great help to me. I am not a patient
person...I hate standing in line for anything...and long traffic lights
do me in! I followed your direction last week and everything was
so much better. I almost looked forward to the "waiting" times
so that I could be in touch with the spirit of Advent. Thank you.
Looking at the album of Jesus and questioning him about some of his
relatives was very rewarding and this week I am already walking with
Mary the hills of Judea to the home of Elizabeth. Thank for all
the wonderful material and thoughts for this time of year.
I am starting week 13. I did
week 12 twice because I judged myself to be unfocused. The second
of these weeks was just as unfocused. Until now, my retreat experience
has been mostly one of insight and new-found love and intimacy. Now,
I am challenged with a desert-like experience where I thirst and feel
distant from the one I love. My heart longs for a sense of the
intimate. Before this retreat my awareness stopped at this point and
I felt abandoned and alone. Now, I know that my heart's longing
is itself my current expression of love and intimacy and that my Lord
want the same thing I do. I will read and listen to his word.
I will look for Him and pray for an increased sense of His presence. I
return to what I have learned in this retreat and I remember that He
speaks to me in many ways. His love reaches me in many ways. I
reach for Him, too, in many ways. Thank you Lord for changing
my heart. I will keep the change.
I have just started week 13 of the
Retreat. Until now, I haven't really read much of the sharings,
then a couple of days ago I accidently hit the wrong computer key and
printed out last weeks essays. I was stunned to read two sharings
that a year ago could have been written by me! This message is
to the people who don't believe that they can ever have a heart felt
relationship with God. I started searching for God more than 30 years
ago. During that time I came to believe that God had rejected
me. Being Protestant that meant I was bound for Hell and eternal
suffering. I fought against this belief the best I could.
I went to church every Sunday, read the Bible daily, prayed and did
all the things Christians should do. I also went through periods
where I just got tired of trying and did none of those things.
Then there were the years of anger toward God. After all, I was
trying to do everything I was supposed to do so where was He? Finally
a year ago I decided to start over with the simple but complex question..Who
is God? I contacted churches and synagogues and asked to speak
to people about this. The almost universal answer was ..God is
Love! One of the churches I contacted was a campus Catholic center.
The priest there took me under his wing and little by little I have
gained a degree of real faith that I never had before. I did nothing
different except that I listened to what I was being taught and allowed
myself to accept it. I stopped trying to take the Gift and instead
allowed it to be given to me! For the first time in my life I can honestly
say that God is real to me! I can't thank Him enought for this
Gift. Don't give up, no matter how long it may seem to take. It's
definitely worth it! -- Susan
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