Week 14
Week 14
This too will be my first sharing. I jumped into this retreat sometime ago also not on the suggested schedule. Probably would have been easier to be on schedule but with my tendency toward procrastination I would no doubt have fallen off the schedule then too. I have not visited the retreat in sometime but am working hard to get back on the spiritual track. The past few days I felt prompted to go back to this and today here I am. The reflection on Jesus family resounded with me because suffering from depression I can identify with feelings of hopelessness, doubt and despair certainly those familiar to those who struggle with infertility like Zechariah and Elizabeth. It resonates with a message of being faithful a good message for getting back on track with this retreat even though I have not proceeded according to plan or timetable and being open to God working in my life.
Praying that we all remain faithful,
-Victoria
Week 14
Today is Holy Saturday. In the early morning we read, at our parish men's ministry, Mark 15 38-47; it begins with: "The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom". Subsequently I read in one of this week's readings: "Zechariah goes into the Lord temple that day to burn incense, while the people stood outside praying". Since the annunciation there is no "mediator" (priest or other) between God and me about his mercy. The curtain was torn in two in order to achieved my/our redemption through his blood. Mary unconditional YES allows the fullfilment of sin being taking away from this world. God is faithful despite our doubts.
Week 14: I find myself opening and accepting more love each day through this retreat. Week 14, Christmas week, saw the Story of the Nativity was on TV. This two hour movie which reflected on the humanity of Joseph and Mary, as well as Elizabeth and other family members. It made the reflections of the week so very real as I prayed on their life, fears and beautiful faith and acceptance throughout the week.
I'm already on my 14th week and I thank Jesus, my Lord for all the blessings of peace, understanding and joy. Truly I have been helped in the way I see, feel and love - my loved ones, others and myself. There has been improvement in the way I relate with my loved ones especially in trying and difficult times - like taking care of my 90-year old mother who is suffering from vascular dementia. I used to see this beautiful gift of life from the Lord a challenge and a problem especially when I realized that I do not have much resources to give. But the Lord is gracious and also mysterious - in many ways, our Lord did not frustrate me and my mother. Her needs (eg medicines) have been responded well. Praise God! And now I do not have any qualms anymore what will happen next because I know our Lord will be there to fill in the gap and surely will surprise me again with undeserved blessings!
I have spent more than two weeks on Week 14, mostly because of Mary. I thought Zacchariah was punished harshly until I read in the Sharing someone's idea that the long period of silence enabled him to meditate and to even more deeply appreciate what was about to happen. I felt sorry for Elizabeth, having to go through childbirth at an advanced age. I was disgruntled at Joseph for wanting to get out of the wedding at first.
But it was Mary’s story was where I spent most of my time and thinking. I imagined her fear and disbelief when the angel came. Instead of being punished, like Zacchariah, for her initial disbelief, she was comforted and told not to be afraid. When later she went to visit Elizabeth, her song took over. It seemed too formal for the situation. But I knew the song had been the occasion for the composition of great music, and so I started studying the song itself, in various translations.
The translation in contemporary English is the easiest to read, but it does not use the word “magnify” at all. The word “magnify” is what inspired the great music – the Magnificats.
(and from the refrain at the Legion of Mary website)
- thou who without stain barest God the Word ... we magnify thee.
I spent a lot of time imagining this magnification, and the thought is still with me. It’s both elusive and powerful.
Then I read in the Sharings a wonderful imagining of Mary’s visit to Elizabeth. The entire imagining was inspired, but this part explained the song to me, better than all my intellectual constructions:
Like most mothers, we liked to wonder what God’s plan would be for our children. Luke later wrote a poem about it, and embellished it somewhat, but I must say we did talk of many of those things.
Suddenly everything made sense. The song is Luke’s, taken from the Old Testament and made Mary’s. But the idea that Elizabeth and Mary should have had long conversations about what had happened to them and who this God was who made it all possible – that is a wonderful imagining.
Now I can listen to the music with new ears.
Week 14: This last week (14) I reflected on the stories in Luke 1 and Matth. 1: about Jesus’ direct ancestors. I noticed that the angel came to Zechariah and Mary at an ordinary day in their life and work – God just appeared to announce a special message. All four characters were godly and “faultless” people and just walked with God. Both Elisabeth and Zechariah were filled with the Holy Spirit after God’s promise was fulfilled. The story tells me that we don’t deliberately need to seek for a supernatural experience with God, but that our part is to just faithfully walk with God and trust in Him in our daily lives. He can turn up anytime, just at an ordinary day, it doesn’t need to be a special event for him to speak.
It was the best thing for Mary to spend the first few months of her pregnancy together with Elisabeth as both women had a similar calling from God and both experienced a miracle. They could understand, encourage and support each other like nobody else could – an inner bonding and unity. This teaches me that it’s helpful for us to share with people who have a similar calling from God as we can understand and encourage each other. This strengthens us when we face opposition from the outside world who doesn’t understand us.
I wonder what thoughts and feelings Mary had. What would happen when people find out that she’s pregnant? A shameful thing without a husband … She obviously didn’t tell Joseph about the event with the angel as maybe she feared he wouldn’t believe her. Well, who could believe such an unusual story which only happened once in history? I can imagine that she sincerely prayed that God would speak to Joseph which he did in a dream. Joseph had obviously already noticed that she was pregnant as he considered leaving her quietly. A godly man who didn’t want to expose and shame her! He believed the angel in the dream immediately and married Mary right away. Joseph took the shame on himself, too, as people probably thought they got pregnant before getting married. This shows that we don’t need to be concerned too much about what other people think if we do what we know God wants us to do. Then God is responsible for “protecting our honor”!
There’s a lot of food for thought in these stories, some aspects I haven’t noticed before …
Week 14: I found this weeks reflections to be peaceful. I now understand the yes to Jesus' call, it's total trust in God. Throughout my week at week whenever I was stressed I would think about Mary and Elizabeth, especially Elizabeth and how she waited so long to have a child, and was told she was going to have a baby, a prophet no less. I'm trying to get there, to totally trust God in whatever comes my way, so this week has helped so much. I did have an aha moment at church, as I was praying after the Eucharist, I realized at every mass, every timezone all over the world people are praying at the same time, for the same things, and it just made me realize how much God is with all of us all everywhere! And not just Catholics, wherever people gather to celebrate Jesus the same hopes, prayers and longing is happening. Peace to all of you, everywhere! --Patti
Week 14: Having experienced
the suffering and the forgiveness and mercy through Easter has been
a gift that has awaked myself to what I have missed for a large part
of my life.Knowing that God has called me by name has given me a purpose
for living again
Week 14: Mary recounts
her pregnancy to Jesus and others so time as he is growing up "Yes,
of course, the message from the angel was disturbing … partly
because it was so clear. I paused for a long time. Now I wonder what
God, our Father must have thought of that pause … all of His eternity
of Love waiting … and if I had resisted just that little bit more
how much longer would the revelation of His Love taken? But I did say
"Let it be done according to your will". I have to admit that
walking on that journey to Elizabeth I wondered about that decision.
I was sick in the mornings and tired in the afternoons. Of course, from
place to place I walked with other travellers. But after a while, conversations
stopped. We were in our own worlds. Mine was exciting but challenging.
I wondered about Elizabeth. Seeing her pregnant would be the final confirmation.
But as I walked I recalled the great promises that we hear in our readings.
God will truly be present in our lives. He will reveal himself physically
… in fact through a Virgin. There will be a new kind of ruler
… not one who is concerned about their own power or short-term
gains for their people; but a King who cares for all and especially
the downtrodden and forgotten. I realised that I was that carrier. I
didn't need any further confirmation. I truly put my trust in God. When
I finally entered Elizabeth's house I was so excited … knowing
that she also trusted God. I embraced her openly. Elizabeth told me
afterwards that my greeting was so open and welcoming that John stirred
in her womb.
Most people had entered her house curiously … some not wanting
to believe the miracle of her pregnancy … others seeing it as
some magical trick. We hear over and over again God's promise to Abraham
and Sarah and somehow we cannot see it play out in our own lives.And
that is my prayer for you, my Son, that You will realise the special
gift of God's transforming love so much so that You become that love
… for all people … for all time".
I have just started Week 14 even though it is Thursday. Many obstacles have been placed in my way.
The old me would have just said I did not do it perfect and not finish
the week and perhaps even the entire retreat. Through God's love and
patience with me I am learning about my perfectionism and how it keeps
me from so many good things. I always thought that saying "Yes"
to God was givnig to the poor, helping out others, visiting the sick
etc. I am coming to realize that there is a part of saying "yes"
to pain(not physical for me but the pain of watching a child make a
huge mistake) that takes place before growth can occur.
God has blessed me with so many wonderful gifts a loving family, a wonderful
husband, 2 children who I love so dearly. There has also been the pain
of infertility, one child who has been very challenging to raise, a
storm that took every possession we owned. Still when I add all that
up I feel blessed. I used to look at the challenges in my life as punishment
now I look at them as opportunities for growth. The gift of my faith
which my parents gave me taught me that God will never leave me. That
has gotten me through many hard times. I pray my children will accept
this gift of faith that I offer them. Thank you for this retreat.
--Liz
Week 14
AWESOME!!!!
-- Curt
Go
ahead and marry her.” (from this week’s suggested readings) In prayer memories returned of a pastor
who “married me” (took me under his wing) 25 years ago
at a time when all seemed lost in my life. Through a developing trust
in him I was able to tell my story and he in return helped me see
the Christ event in all that was taking place in my life. I remember
him today. He was my Joseph. As I think of him today, I am more aware
that he probably, like Joseph, also listened to his spirit-filled
dreams while he journeyed with me.Anita
Week
14/15: It was very difficult to prepare all for Christmas
in kitchen and home and additionally reflect near about an hour on each
of these four persons.
1. Mary-the incubator of faith.
In crysis of faith to her. Through Mary up Jesus – it takes on
sence. But her role is explained by Jesus.
2. Joseph – very realistic man. Especially, that angel had to
speak to him in his sleep but no in realistic world, it means big step
of criticism precisely. But simultanously Joseph is influenced to arguments
– The human with opened head.....One argument is that the virgin
will concept and will give birth to son as was stated by Isajah.
And one can see his love to Mary: secretly turn away – not to
do revenge, not to ruin her. In this manner he wanted to act. But angel’s
word have had the power of convincing. Joseph took Mary to him.
See: two ways – Mary’s faith and Joseph’s rationality.
On these ways, my Lord, began builiding. You say: it didn’t had
to crush from the beginning. I have had to choose right people.
[ - And it means that , apostoles chosen „accidentally”,
were not accidental at all.]
3. Zechariah – God trained him in faith. To be possible John’s
mission his parents had to have deep faith. But their faith was the
faith of rituals. Hence foolish question: “How shall I know this?”.
Versus that somebogy knows how looks the woman in pregnansy. The peple
to be fertile, they had to be trust in God. The new time goes: every
faith descens from God.
Here guideline for me: I have to live in God, and The Lord will be concerned
with the faith of my immediate family. In the morning I had the dilemma:
to stop spontaneous invitation “God luck” and to change
on another civil invitation for those far from Church or not. I am seeing
that not.
4. Elizabeth – she could compare Mary’s faith (“blessed,
who belived that what was spoken to her by the Lord would be fulfiled”)
with her own and Zehachariah. In this meeting she knew that The Mather
of her Lord was coming.
It’s no my matter to calculate what will be if the faith of Zechariah
would be as the faith of Mary.
-- Asja
Week 14: I am drawn again this year to Zachariah. I'm not sure why but maybe
it's because Zachariah has some doubts. Maybe I see him really as someone
like myself ... easier to be a skeptic than a passionate believer.
I’m standing at the inner alter … I’m pleased that
I’ve been chosen by lot to perform the incense sacrifice. I’m
concentrating on doing it just right. I think how I am responsible for
all these people’s prayers … people who have traveled to
pray … people who regularly pray because of their great devotion
…people who are desperate in their prayers.
Then I think of my own prayers … what do I really desire …
I’m not sure anymore. For years Elizabeth and I desired a child
… someone who would keep these prayers … these devotions
alive. No it is not to be. But this is probably the prayer that wafts
up in the incense from me. I think of the promises of God in the past.
What do these promises mean to me? I think of Abraham … God promised
him generations of descendants. Well it won’t be from me.
But as I’m praying I see out of the corner of my eye a shape in
a dark spot close to the alter. I am drawn to it … and I start
talking about my deepest desires. I hear distinctly the call that Elizabeth
and I will have a son … that our devotions are not in vain …
that God’s promises are real … here today … I have
to be a part of this.
This is compelling but strange. I start to protest. This cannot be possible.
I was in a rhythm of despondency and now I need to have hope. I feel
myself touched. I cannot talk.
I return to the public area but I cannot say the prayer out loud. I
return home. Elizabeth and I resume our lives. But I know it will be
different. I am an instrument of God’s promise. Thankfully, through
silence God has also given me the grace of reflection. I have a new
mission and I have time in silence to prepare for it. May God be blessed.
Week
14: It is early morning, Christmas Eve day, week 15 of the
on-line retreat.
I have spent most of Advent away from home, staying with my daughter
and her family. She had surgery early in the month, then, a week later
her son, my grandson, had a tonsillectomy. Because of post-op complications,
my daughter has been in and out of the hospital and so the household
routines, disrupted by illness and surgeries, have been a bit upset,
a bit chaotic.
My meditations, brief as they must be, have centered on Joseph: how
many unexpected events/disappointments/challenges he had to meet! A
bride who was pregnant -- and not by him. A journey at the very time
that his wife was about to deliver the child. How did he feel when he
could not provide even a room for the birth of the baby? Later, as the
Gospel story will tell us, he will have to uproot the little family
and flee to Egypt. So many dislocations, so much anxiety. In my imagination,
I see him "soldiering on" and his quiet, unobtrusive determination
to keep on trying, to keep on believing, has been my inspiration the
past few weeks. I've done no Christmas shopping, no baking, no sending
of cards, and yet this has been a good Advent, one of the best in years.
I am
glad that you posted the gentleman’s reply in week 14 and his anger. I too felt angry at Mary of all things – for just
standing at the sidelines letting her son go through what he did. After
I let my self feel that – came the thought of her example of letting
go and letting God. No matter how painful. It was easier to relate to
Elizabeth in her situation of no way could this wish come true.
well
i found week 14 much easier emotionally and visually. almost as if i
had some colour in gospel stories which i havent often had. and i could
FEEL with the people. i could feel marys certainty and acceptance .
i also realised that being blessed by god didnt mean an easy path but
was still cause for joy.
i also felt some delight at the thought of the baby john leaping in
the womb to know that his cousin was coming along. i had never thought
of the 2 little boys as companion spirits come to earth before and i
loved that image of ' here he is. we are both here now ' .
i did feel what i thought a rather unholy delight at both women being
lifted from their shame and failure as the little people of the world
into gods chosen ones.
sometimes when im aching and tired and alone - broke and thinking myself
a less than as a heroin addict and alcoholic and rather a failure in
worldly terms - i have wanted to have an angel come along and announce
the way and tell me im doing ok and that im loved. so i was able to
feel with them. " people wont look down on me anymore" she
said. hidden away in her home. it gave me permission for the less noble
thoughts and emotions i have . week 14 took the sting out of things
for me.love to you all.
-- nell from tweed
I
couldn’t get Zechariah off my mind this week. His story is kind
of comical, in a way. When the angel tells him, “Your wife Elizabeth
will have a son,” he answers, “How do I know this will happen?
My wife and I are both very old.” And then his doubt strikes him
dumb. So.
I’m imagining poor old Zechariah. He’s been away to the
big city with the guys for a week and when he comes home, he can’t
speak. Imagine how that goes over with the wife! And best of all, mute
as he is, he needs to communicate to Elizabeth that she’s going
to have a son!Imagine how poor old Zechariah worried over this all the
long walk home. Elizabeth was barren—a disgrace in that time and
place. After so many years of her being a disgrace to him, was she sexually
repulsive to him? But he had received the promise of an angel; this
must have awakened in him courage, determination, even a youthful vigor
and a willingness to look upon Elizabeth with new eyes, to forget her
disgrace and look upon her, not as hopeless, but as the source of great
hope: a son—and not just any son, but a son who will bring happiness
and gladness and the same power and spirit that Elijah had. Imagine
how his pace quickens along the road.But still—to communicate
all this to his wife without words! Zechariah must have been a very
tender lover when he returned home.Tom, Pennsylvania
I
really focused early in the week on imagining Zechariah. Why the silence?
I don't think that the explanation that he asked for a sign is really
sufficient. It makes God a bit of a lover of semantics to compare his
response to Mary's. I think there are other good reasons. The first
is practical ... think what would happen if he announced his vision.
The 1st century equivalent of CNN and Fox News would be vying to follow
the story. Elizabeth was already in seclusion. She really would have
had to go into hiding. But there is a more profound reason. I think
Zechariah like me had Celtic roots. We love to process our uncertainties
through speaking … Listening to God at the top of our voices.
But God sometimes asks for another way. To listen to him and feel his
faithfulness ... to actually see this develop as Zechariah would have
seen with Elizabeth and also Mary's visit to them. So at times this
week I tried to talk less. I found that the moments of silence allowed
me to relate to the theme of God's faithfulness more fully. And yes
work did get done Continuing
this reflection from earlier in the week, as I contemplate Elizabeth
and Zechariah, Mary and Joseph I ask the question, “what gave
them that special courage to discern and follow through on God’s
call to them?” They certainly embodied the message of God’s
love and faithfulness which they would have learned by special attention
to the Hebrew Scriptures. They saw how that applied to their lives.
Around them others had equal access to these scriptures and the message
that is so clearly laid out. I’m sure it was the same in their
day. Theoretical argument blunted the messages of grace. Used for political
or nationalistic purposes the message of love was lost. But God intervenes
in their lives and they respond. I feel that what is remarkable about
Mary is not that she says “Let it happen” but that she doesn’t
change her mind afterwards. If I were in her position then maybe I would
have bargained with God. She follows through. Likewise with Joseph …
and what is also clear is that even responding and saying yes does not
mean that the road from then on is smooth. What does this mean for my
own call? I feel a strong need to rethink and respond. I will try to
model the trust in God demonstrated in these strong pictures this week.
Yesterday in
anticipation of Christmas, I was imagining what it would be like to
be Mary. To hold the baby Jesus. To hold God. I could feel him in my
arms. So small, so vulnerable, so perfect in his peaceful sleep.
God, an infant. Held. The love I felt holding that baby was almost overwhelming.
Then I reversed the roles and imagined God holding me as an infant feeling
the love one feels for the most precious and the most vulnerable. Oh
what a Christmas gift! Come let us adore Him. Denise
The reading
for today is Luke 1: 39-45 (The Visitation) We
were asked to put ourselves in the situation of the reading either as
an observer or as one of the characters. As I settled to meditate on
the reading, this is what happened.I woke early, as today I was
to go and stay with my cousin Elizabeth for a time. It was a fairly
long walk and although the weather was still reasonably cool, I liked
to travel in the cooler part of the day.Should I take food and drink?
A little food, but it wasn’t too hot, and I could do without a
heavy water skin.The weather was calm, the morning light softened the
landscape and I set out with a light heart and thanking God for the
gift I was to bear. I marvelled at the colours on the distant hills,
and the deep, soft blue of the sky. After travelling for nearly an hour,
the sun had warmed up and the smells of the animal droppings and outhouses
got to me. I began to feel decidedly unwell – morning sickness!
There was nowhere for me to conceal myself and I was sick on the side
of the road, hoping that no one would notice. Some hope. Several people
commented but made no attempt to approach me. After another half hour
I was sick again and feeling ready to collapse. My head ached, probably
with anxiety, and I wanted so much to just reach Elizabeth as soon as
possible. After the third bout of sickness, a woman came to me, and
gave me few sips of water. “Well lass, I reckon you’ll be
worse before you are better.” How reassuring! However, she accompanied
me the rest of the way to Elizabeth’s house where she left me
with a cheerful “Make the most of your peace because after you
have kids there is no more of it.”Elizabeth greeted me with great
love and tenderness, saying that she was glad I had come because now
she could sit down and talk, her baby had been leaping around in her
womb all day and she was exhausted. She thought he would be a very active
man. As we sat and talked and drank cool drinks, I explained to Elizabeth
how I had a feeling that my child would be a leveller – he would
take the side of the poor and lowly and have hard words for those who
put themselves above others. We talked for ages about this wondrous
child I carried. Like most mothers, we liked to wonder what God’s
plan would be for our children. Luke later wrote a poem about it, and
embellished it somewhat, but I must say we did talk of many of those
things.And so I go to sleep in Elizabeth’s house, in the certainty
of God’s love and protection.
I
am starting week 14 of this retreat and I must say
Our Lord never ceases to amaze me. My reflection as we approach the
birth of our Lord is on Mary's unconditional response of yes. Our Mother
trusted in God's Love and the fulfillment of her plan according to His
Divine will not her own. She abandoned herself to Him who would make
Her whole in Him. We too are called to trust and surrender to the Lord.
It is up to me to say Lord let Your Will be done in my life knowing
that he will truly do as he promised. I reflect on my own situation
as a father of 2 teenaged children Andrew 19 and Sarah 17. I did all
possible to raise my children in the faith. I brought them to church
faithfully and raided them as good Catholics. About two years ago I
was floored. My children stopped going to church and I realized there
was nothing I could do about it but pray for them and Trust That the
Lord would guide them the rest of the way. As difficult as it was for
me I had to surrender them to the Lord and Trust just as Mary trusted
that he would guide them. My prayer is that the Lord would bring my
children Home where they belong.
God Bless Everyone on this retreat.
Pat
I
am in Week 14 and so glad that I have continued on
so far. Week 14 for me has come during the fourth week of Advent. The
scripture readings and prayers are very appropriate for this week, all
about Zachariah, Elizabeth, Mary and Joseph and how they prepared for
the coming of Jesus. It has given me fresh insights into the heritage
of Jesus and the faith these people possessed, dealing with so many
uncertainties. I would also recommend a prayer from Week 10 by Thomas
Merton which has been for me a great help in strengthening my trust
in God. The prayer is entitled, "The Road Ahead" and has been
my morning and evening prayer since I first read it. I wish all of you
well and hope you will continue with the retreat. I ask prayers from
you that I will also continue. With all of us praying for each other,
how can we fail.
-- Catherine
I
am in week 14 of the on-line retreat and there has
been a growing sense of a need to share what is happening in my time
of prayer. I have been praying with the people of the Christmas story.
Today I spent time with Zachary and all that happened to him in the
temple that day. I imagined the fear and joy, the challenge and surprise,
the hope and disappointment that he must have experienced that day.
And yet he remained faithful and true through it all.
What has happened for me is that I have a deeper appreciation of all
that is a part of the unfolding plan of salvation. Usually this is such
a hectic time, I find myself "way too busy" for prayer time
that has any real depth to it, yet now I find myself drawn to the quiet
and the reflection. I find that I am so grateful for all that I have
received that my heart desires to give praise as did Zachary and Mary
and all who are a part of this tremendous gift of God. In some ways
it is as if the story were unfolding for the first time.
-- Mary
I
really struggled through week 13 because my old testament background
is very sketchy. The faith background of Jesus isn't that familiar to
me. In week 14 ,I feel much more comfortable. This is prayer with which
I am familiar. I will continue to look for the angels that God sends
to me every day in my coworkers and young students. I just finished
watching the life of John Paul II and could see how he trusted and followed
God's invitations. He accepted his pain as a sacrifice to help others.
Hopefully, he will encourage me to do the same.
As
I start this 14th week I am in my "gloomy" mood. Every year
at this time, I start to feel isolated and very alone. My children all
live far from me, I have a sister who lives nearby but seldom see her.
She seems to have a very busy life and no time for me. I am a widow
and although I participate in parish life often and attend many special
services at church, I still feel useless. It suddenly dawned on me that
putting myself into the life of Mary and Elizabeth was a help. I just
need to know when to give and when to receive. I think I try too hard
to give and neglect the grace of receiving. I hope I can sort this out
with God's help and His enormous love for me and the world.
I fell at week 14.
I didn't feel Gods presence in my life, and I allowed my burdens to
take control. I stayed down for 3-weeks, felt
lonely and isolated. I had time to really think about what was
most important to me. All that I desire will be provided to me by God.
I know its not going to be what I ask for, but what God desires for
me. The "Prayer to Start Each Day" has inspired me to discard
with things that have become an obstacle. As I look around my home I
see many. Lord give me the strength, knowledge and will to persevere.
Before
I started the retreat I firmly believed that I could start the retreat
at any time of the year, but from the 13th week (24th July) I feel out
of time and place as the readings and thoughts, words and pictures all
help us to prepare for Christmas. I've 5 months more for Christmas.
I'm a bit disappointed and I'm wondering whether I should continue or
drop it. I'm afraid if I stop I'll never find the time to start at the
right moment. I suggest you have 2 readings and 2 prayers at least for
ordinary times, for those who start the retreat at any time of the year.
Before I continue with the retreat or stop I would like to share the
special graces I received during these 14 weeks.
Ever since I started the retreat, whenever I'm alone and before I go
to bed I offer praise, thanks and petitions to God. Whenever I see or
hear someone in trouble, I pray for them and try to understand their
situation and ask God forgiveness. In the past I hated young boys and
men for the unpleasant things they said or did disgusted me and I kept
far away from them. But now when I see/hear the unpleasant things done
by them, I pray for them and say to myself that I have 2 sons whom I
love very much, these men are loved by God and they need our prayers.
One night before going to bed as I was saying my prayers I felt a very
close relationship to Jesus which I don't remember experiencing before
and this feeling was very wonderful. Then one day I was very upset with
our second son's behaviour and prayed to God very much for him and asked
God with St Ignatius, To allow me to see Him more clearly, to love Him
more dearly and to follow Him more nearly. The next day I got up with
Mickael Jackson's song : "But you are not alone, for I'm here with
you. Though we're far apart, you're always in my heart..." It was
the end of the song. I jumped out of bed thanking my God and Saviour
for helping me to see/hear Him more clearly. He then opened my eyes
to : "When I was young and lived in a poor country, I had lots
of opportunities of helping the poor which I didn't do". Today
I have a very strong urge of wanting to be humble and help the poor
and I'm searching for ways of doing so...
Please remember our second son in your prayers, our little lost lamb,
whom I'm sure we'll find again with the Lord as our Shepherd for guide.
Week 14. It's
the first day of the week and I was frustrated when I opened the website.
I had tried to encourage an old man to take his lunch without success,
instead he turned the bowl upsdie-down. I felt as it I were 'useless'.
As I read the message of this week talking about the faith of Zechariah
and Mary. I wonder how I should perceive God's act and presence in this
event?
I
am on week 14 of the on-line retreat. It has been difficult
for me this week trying to enter into the same spirit of faith and trust
in God as that of Elizabeth and Mary. So often, I cannot wait
and keep still and quiet in the trust of God but instead create problems
in my own relationships when I become despondant or frustrated in my
life. Please pray for me. The retreat has given me many insights and
graces.
It was nice to contemplate Zechariah,
Elizabeth, Mary, and Joseph in the exercises for week fourteen.
I attempted to set aside special time with each of the three readings
that were presented for this week. The feeling that kept coming
to me as I reflected on each of these people was questioning.
These were people of faith and I recognize that the questions that came
to mind were probably more a reflection of me than of those whom I was
contemplating. At the time of and following the revelation of
the special events that were part of each of their lives, did they question
what was going on? Did they doubt if the messenger was authentic?
Did they doubt if there would be a happy ending? Did they doubt
their abilities to fulfill the special responsibilities they were each
entrusted with? Obviously all of these people were people of faith
and ultimately believed in faith what was presented to them. It
must have been a powerful experience for each of them to have the events
in their lives play out just as messengers had told them. Elizabeth
did conceive and had a son whom they named John who then grew up to
have a special role in preparing the people for the Messiah. Zechariah
was able to once again speak after the announced special event happened.
Joseph did marry Mary and she had a male Child whom they named Jesus
who was God's Son. Week 14
The hunger continues to grow.
It's a different kind of hunger from the ordinary hunger. It has
a little something in it that almost tastes good. Isn't that funny?
It's a hunger that almost tastes good!
When we were children, the night before Christmas was like that.
There was an intensity in it. We almost "couldn't wait."
The tension built and the hunger grew. Then there was the morning
and anticipation as we went to see what Santa had left us. Then
there was such pleasure, such joy. We had been remembered, rewarded
for being good, forgiven for being "bad."
Now we are older. We are not old. None of us is old.
We are all older, though. We are growing and growing older.
We are not growing old, just growing and older.
The hunger lasts longer. The anticipation is sweeter. Now
we know what to expect. Or do we? Could we ever know exactly
what to expect? That doesn't matter, though because
He's coming! He's coming!
Week 14 This week I have
been extremely busy and it has been difficult to settle into the 35
or 40 minute period for the imaginative prayer with the readings.
I have been able to read "His Name is John". I definitely was
there in the temple and I could feel myself react the way Zechariah
did.
I am like Elizabeth, an infertile woman who has longed for a child and
has been unable to conceive. I have come to terms with that and
have moved on in my life, though the pain is there still under the surface.God
has sent other beautiful gifts into my life and I, like Zechariah have
been afraid to believe that God could do for me so many wonderful things
after years of feeling as if God was punishing me . He has given
me a new heart, a conversion experience which has lead me into a beautiful
love relationship with Him.
Until I could see Gods power and grace in my life, not in the birth
of a child, but in the rebirth of my life with Him, I could not speak
of His love for me, now like Zechariah I will praise God in all his
glory. My prayer and desire is to continue to grow in trust in
God and to accept the difficulties and joys that are part of His plan
for me. I am going to meditate on the words of the angel Gabriel
"Do Not Be Afraid"
In life it is easy for me to feel
cheated because life is not everything I expected it to be. People
around me also disappoint me at times. Spouse, children, parents, siblings,
co-workers, and friends are never as good as they could be. Because
they are less than they could be, I sometimes believe that they prevent
me from getting closer to my idea of the “perfect life.”
When this happens to me, it is easy to be disappointed in the person
or to get angry with the person. It is easy to lose hope and faith in
the future. I know in my heart that there is no “perfect life.”
I also know that any failings I see around me are because of my own
sinfulness. If I were a better person, I could better accept the imperfections
of those around me. If I were more perfect, like Christ, the people
around me would grow and be better persons. In any relationship, I know
there is no one factor that makes it less than perfect. But knowing
these truths does not change my gut, emotional frustration with the
people around me when they do not meet my expectations. This week, the
shortcomings of several people were on my mind.
Maybe that is why God gifted me with focusing on St. Joseph this week.
During this retreat, I usually read the readings in the order they appear
in the guide. I will read one every day or every other day. For some
reason, during the first day of this week, I jumped to the last reading
of Matthew 1:18-24. This is the reading where Joseph is told by the
angel to marry Mary. I found myself in the shoes of Joseph. In his shoes,
I found myself in an arrangement where I will marry an attractive, young
virgin. I expect to marry her, enjoy her physical and emotional support,
raise a family with several children, and continue my work. What I end
up with is a pregnant woman with whom I will never be physically intimate.
I also end up with a child that is not my own who forces me to flee
to Egypt. I have no children of my own. Yet, despite these unexpected
events, despite the fact that many of the goals of my life will never
be realized, and despite the fact that this woman is not what I expected,
I accept the mother and child. I love the woman and child. I know them
as my wife and son. I am able to let go of my expectations and any anger
associated with giving up my idea of a “perfect life.”
Joseph, like Mary, was able to say, “Not my will but Your will,
Lord.” His actions also resulted in him “Exulting the Lord.”
Hopefully, this exercise will help me to be more accepting and I too
can exult the Lord in my small way by accepting the people around me
and realize Christ is working in each of our lives.
As I near the end of week 14, I continue
to find the exercises of the week challenging. It has been difficult
for me to ‘enter into’ the scenes of Zecharia in the “Holy
of Holies,” of Joseph in his dream, and of Mary with the Angel
Gabriel. Distractions flood my mind as I attempt to focus on these scenes.
In spite of these distractions, I feel closer to the family of Jesus.
I started to wonder this week how Mary thought of herself. We are reminded
often that we are sinners, but she never sinned. Did she consider herself
a sinner? I doubt it. She certainly knew she was unworthy of the grace
given to her, and she expressed that awareness in her Magnificat. It
causes amazement when I consider her state. Totally sinless. How did
she do it? She saw all the evil and injustice in her world, yet never
succumbed to anger or hatred. Always doing the will of God, she lived
her life perfectly. I pray for the grace to live the next minute or
two perfectly, knowing that soon I will fall again into my sinful ways.
Mary, Mother of God, pray for me. St. Joseph, pray for me. Jesus, have
mercy on me
This week reminds me of being there with you Jesus,
it was so real trying to keep awake as you prayed. It was so real the
contemplation scared me . I could feel the wind at the mountain of olives,
your presence was so close , the touch of your hem as you walked past
me that I 'ran away' and you were gone. I WAS SO SCARED. I will
try and be more trusting this time, Jesus, as I try to be humble instead
of afraid,.This week I will contemplate your life with your family and
friends from the beginning before you were born to Mary.You are with
me today at this moment, dear Lord, everything is O.K. in my sadness.PRAISE
GOD!!!!!
At the time when I was in trouble, I couldn't
feel God's presence and love, but throughout the 14th week I found God
is so faithful for me and my family, though I haven't trusted God so
much. Even now I am not sure that if the things like Mary happened,
I would answer 'yes'. Nonetheless, I can believe this can happen.
Because He is God and God is faithful. In this retreat I learned what
the longing means and I'd like to ponder the "humility".
Do you hear what I hear? (14) Faith-actual
intimate trust in the Lord to lead us to the Kingdom. Mary, Joseph,
Jesus, Elizabeth and all the people surrounding Christ birth were led.
Trusting voices in the night. Are we quiet? Can we settle
the noise of the day to hear the Father's call? I am listening.
I have turned over control to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
He is speaking to me through people, actions and events. I
consent to hear and follow his direction.
This is the second time I have gotten to the 14th
week and run into a cement wall. I have no more interest in continuing
than I did before. As another writer said, I know it in my head ( I've
always been cerebral ) , but it's not getting out of there into my hands
and heart. It was not like this when I started. I can conceptualize
the many topics but have never been able to carry those thoughts around
with me during the day. Once I'm out of my prayer room, it's business
as usual. Say a short prayer for me that I may be able to break this
barrier and by the grace of God. discover what I don't want to see or
do that makes me stop well short of my goal.
I am in my 14th week and I feel as though
the retreat is now starting to really touch me. I am quite comfortable
with this manner of prayer and have used it quite frequently with my
6th grade religious education class. It does get the whole person
involved and when used in a group there is usually much to share.
However, this is not the reason for my sharing. This is the third
day of this week and the same phrase is really jumping out at me.
It is from the "In these words..." section and it comes at the end -
"Dear Jesus, help me to recognize the messenger". I feel that
I will have no problem getting to YES but I have the problem of who
to say yes to. Maybe I am looking for wings! Maybe I am
looking for halos! Maybe I shouldn't be. But that is one
of my most repetitive prayers - please make it clear to me Lord for
I am really unsure of where to go. I don't want to waste any more
time - I just want to recognize the direction to take. Help me
Lord.
During this 14th week as we were "in
the story" I became very tired journeying with Mary on TWO trips from
Nazareth - each about 90 miles one way - one to Ein Karim to visit Elizabeth
(very close to Jerusalem), the other to Bethlehem, also very close (about
6 miles or so from Jerusalem). There is not a level place in the Holy
Land and in those 9 days (according to the Posada tradition) there would
have been overnight stops, the possibility of robbers on the highway,
inconveniences of every sort. i went with Mary to Elizabeth's.
The Bible doesn't say she travelled alone and in that time probably
didn't. I got cold at night and was really grubby when I arrived
with her not having bathed in all that time, nor changing clothes much.
The bread we ate was stale & dry and we had to use water sparingly.
What a great gift of love to Eliz. by a pregnant youngster! The
journey with Joseph to Bethlehem was a little less uncomfortable, for
me, because there were so many of us on the road, all going to be counted.
This journey has not ended yet.
Beginning the 14th week of the retreat
I am moved especially this moment by "Mary's Song of Praise".
Had I never read this in Luke I'm thinking? Why suddenly when
I need to keep praising for unanswered ???'s does this song suddenly
pop up for me. It says just what I needed to hear this day.
I am so moved to tears by the simple HE CARES FOR ME.
It spoke directly to my heart this time, not just my head. This on line
retreat was just another of the many many gifts Jesus has blessed me
with. But first I had had to spend many many yrs. in the
valley wanting death to be able to look back now at HIS hand in my life
process. God Bless everyone involved in setting this up.
Thank you....I love each of you.
In the 14th week of this retreat I am vascillating
between euphoria in the joy and blessings of new trust in god
and despair over past sins and cowardice, and laziness. Especially painful
are memories and imagination. Especially joyous and amazing is the help
of the holy spirit and blessed mother. Creighton's daily retreat is
a godsend, the Jesuits encouraging coaches. God bless their work. God
keep us all. Merry Christmas to all retreatants and our coaches.
I've been working so hard to become a better Christian.
Last week I came to the realization that what is holding me back is
a lack of trust. What a blessing this week (14) to hear
the stories of Mary, Joseph, Elizabeth, and Zechariah. They each
were challenged by God. To meet that challenge they had to have
a deep trust in God and in others. I pray that I can learn to
have even a drop of the trust that these great people had.
As the phone rings at 5:15am for my husband
to go to work on a power outage because someone's house was on fire,
it gave me time this morning to think about advent and why did God choose
that particular time to send his son, he could have done it sooner,
or even later, he could have even chosen now to send his son, but God
choose Mary and the time of 2000 years ago. As I was thinking it occurred
to me that perhaps people where so caught up in the rules that they
forgot what it was like to be part of God's kingdom, not so unlike today
but perhaps more so back then. We get caught up in the rules of the
church that we have forgotten the one thing that Jesus came to teach
us LOVE, if we all just Loved ourselves and one another we would not
need to light any candles needing to light those dark places in our
lives or light any candles for others. We would have all the peace and
justice we would need to live here and we would have heaven on earth
just like in the Lords prayer. However I am grateful that God loved
me enough to send Jesus and to choose Mary, I am grateful for this exercise,
and for God showing me the places that are still dark in my life, the
places that I have not let go where I still let people trespass on me
(kinda like a grudge towards the people who have caused me pain) I am
grate full that I can ask God to show me where my life is still dark
and he will show me if I but look. Thank you for this exercise during
advent. Thanks to Ignatus for looking and listening to God and showing
us all a better way. thank you.
From the 'guideposts".....Mary wants to serve
God "but does it have to be so hard". The hard part struck
my soul and heart and tears began to flow. Here it is the week
before Christmas and the family is fighting, our Chicago weather is
horrible, and one of the Churches where I work said I am not needed
because they have a new resident priest. .... there went
half of my monthly income which helps to support my 87 year old mom.
I will try this 14th week and try to live 10 or 15 minutes at
a time. I forgot to mention also that the home heating units seem
to be breaking. One friend said to me that even when we
try to do good it doesn't mean all will be peaches and cream; we have
to let God lead the way...we can't control or manipulate God.
In our faith-sharing group last week, one
person said that Week 14 had shown her a new way to pray.
She has been a daily communicant for years, receiting the Rosary, making
the Stations, receiting other prayers, but Ignatian contemplation is
new to her. She said she's looking forward to contemplating
the Passion. Well, she'll begin with the Incarnation this
week! This retreat is teaching me how to pray and also how
others pray. I'm learning how to help others to pray. WOW
what a blessing!
This is my first sharing and I am very anxious
to go ahead and say what has popped into me this evening.
I am in week 14 and I was reading the annunciation and sorting
out the various figures in the story to attach myself to and picture
myself there. Suddenly I realized that I feel like
Joseph must have felt. Angry!
I have been caring for my sick wife for over 12
years. I did not ask for this assignment. LikeJjoseph
hearing from Mary that she is pregnant and stunned by this revelation
of having to let go of the fantasy of marrying and having a 'normal'
life he must decide what to do. He never had a chance to discuss this
with Mary nor with God. God just ups and places him in the position
of having to decide. Not only whether to believe Mary,
but also what does his love for Mary actually mean.
I know the story of Joseph having a dream which reassures him,
Yet he must decide to honor his love for Mary and do what God asks of
him. So I was sitting there feeling all this anger
when my heart felt that was not the total story. I
have not had any dreams to tell me I must or should remain faithfully
married to my wife, but I have felt with certainty this is what I must
do. Not for her but for me. And
not really for me as much as for the notion of doing what is plainly
in front of me and over which I clearly have complete freedom to chose
one way or the other. People around me say I must
'have a life' and so on and I have given up the reply of 'this is my
life!' and have slowly left my social contacts. I
have deepened instead my spiritual contact with God, towards whom I
direct alternatively lots of anger, then resignation, then renewal,
then peace of knowing that I absolutely do not know what to do (about
being so tired) other than keep doing these exercises and downloading
every sunday the next week's retreat. Thank you for having this on the
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