Sharing the Retreat
Weeks 16-17

 
Week 16
Week 16: The Bible passage where Jesus is left behind and is found later in the temple has always bothered me, bit I accepted it. However when I try to be with Jesus during those three days, I immediately have serious problems. His talking with those in the temple is no problem. I had a son who at that age was very comfortable with adults (and they with him. It is when I get practical and wonder how did he eat? Where did he stay and sleep? Things were different then, but wouldn’t the adults wonder and ask why was he alone and where his parents were. What would he tell them? I can’t imagine a 12 year old boy not eating  for three days and hence when he did eat there would be the same problem with the adults not checking into his presence. Would he be accepted in the temple for three days. In other words “ being about his father’s business.” might make sense to him, but it should not have to the adults he encountered. As hard as I try, I cannot understand the behavior of the adults. Later my imagination shifts to why was the author inspired to put that little snippet of Jesus life in the Bible? The passage has always bothered me. He was human, but he was also God and would have to know that that would not sound like a loving response to his mother.  Perhaps the point is to remind us that he was both God and man.

Week 16: Joseph and Mary fulfilled all the requirements of the Jewish religious law, got Jesus circumcised and presented him to the Lord in the temple.

I wonder what Joseph and Mary might have thought and felt about Jesus? Mary was his mother, but Joseph was not his true father, only his foster father. They knew he was a special human, God’s son. Was this always in the background of their minds when they looked at him? Did they treat him differently from their own children that they had later? Did they feel the same kind of parental love towards him as for an ordinary child? Was there a certain feeling of reverence?

Jesus probably knew instinctively in his spirit and Mary and Joseph probably told him at a very early age that he was God’s son, not Joseph’s. Yet he respected them as his parents and was obedient to them. (Luke 2:51) As the Bible says that Jesus was sinless, he must have been a perfect child and adolescent boy. He had human feelings like all of us, but didn’t sin and never gave into temptation. He must have been such a kind, loving and gentle boy, just pleasant to have around. No sinful thought, word or deed – what characteristics does such a child have? Yet he went through the normal developmental stages.

Already from early childhood Jesus must have been really interested in hearing biblical stories about God and the history of his people. His parents must have taught him all they knew about God. He went regularly to the synagogue and listened to the teaching, probably more than other kids his age. At what stage did he start his “training” as a Rabbi and was invited to speak? Already in the age of twelve the religious leaders noticed extraordinary gifts and knowledge in him.

Twice it is mentioned in Luke 2 (v. 40, 52) that Jesus grew not only in stature, but in wisdom, and that God’s grace was upon him. That’s how every life should be – growing in wisdom under the umbrella of God’s grace!

Joseph must have taught Jesus his carpenter skills. Did they work daily together until Jesus started his public ministry in the age of 30?

I wonder why Jesus didn’t tell his parents that he would stay longer in the temple in Jerusalem after the Feast of the Passover. So they had to wander around for a few days until they found him and worried a lot. Was this not inconsiderate of Jesus? If I was in their place, I would have gotten upset about the fact that he didn’t inform them and caused them so much worry. I suppose if he had told them beforehand they might not have allowed him to stay on his own in the temple, so maybe this was the only way how he could stay there longer and listen to the teaching and conversations of the religious leaders? Or maybe he just assumed they would know as it was so normal for him to go to the temple and they knew who his real father was.

Mary collected various experiences with Jesus in her heart and kept thinking about them (v. 51) – a true introvert.

When I read these passages, I was attracted to the character of Simeon and couldn’t stop thinking about him. The Holy Spirit was on his life, had told him beforehand that he would see Christ before his death and prompted him to go to the temple at the time when Jesus was there. Simeon was really in tune with the Holy Spirit. He had the gift of prophecy and told what Jesus and Mary would experience in the future. I feel attracted to this closeness with God. I also want to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading like Simeon was. Listening to God - a topic that has been on my heart for a long time. I have experienced God’s guidance in daily life situations, but sometimes when I’m busy I feel that I’m emotionally and in my thoughts not really in tune with the Holy Spirit, so can’t always sense his guidance. I want to grow in that area.

Anna must have been a widow for more than fifty years. After her husband died she dedicated her whole life and time to God and just lived in the temple. It sounds a bit boring to fast, pray and worship all the time and not do anything else, but God obviously really met her, ministered to her, changed her and used her prayers. So she was really fulfilled in his presence and didn’t desire anything else. She also knew immediately from God who Jesus was. Nobody needed to tell Anna and Simeon about it, they just knew from God as their spirits were in line with God’s spirit. Anna didn’t just tell everybody about Jesus, but those who were waiting for his birth, who were spiritually ready for this news. This confirms to me that I need to be discerning who I tell about Jesus. There’s no need or use to tell everyone as people might not be open and ready to receive this news, but those who are spiritually open, who are searching and waiting.

Week 16: Jesus as I reflect on your “growing up” years, I am drawn to the adolescent years. This is easy for me as my husband and I are knee-deep raising two boys ages 12 and 16. I imagine you helping your mother cook, clean and care for others. I am sure she was one of the first to reach out to someone who was sick or lost a loved one. Did you help her bake and take food over to a grieving family? I can see you feeling compassion for their sorrow or pain. I can see you helping your father and observing how he treats his customers. He is a carpenter, one of those occupations that do not land one high on the scale of wealth and status yet someone who is needed. Like today’s plumber or electrician; people may not be impressed with their status until they need one desperately. I imagine your father coming quickly and quietly to help a rich man whose roof has collapsed. Not a word is spoken about how the rich man has been condescending to your family in the past. I imagine you and your parents living with the grace of humility. We never hear of Mary and Joseph boasting about their son! And they had an angel tell them he was the Son of God! Some people I know only need a small remark from a coach or high mark from a teacher to set them off. I imagine you being a good friend with an easy smile and not particularly picky about who is joining in your games. I imagine you playing like my boys do. No matter what toy or gadget is available to them, everything leads to a wrestling match with much laughter and action. Most of all, I imagine you left people with a sense of wanting you to come back. Not really in anything you said or did but in how they felt when you were around. That is what I imagined in my prayer today.
Week 16: This retreat journey is so full of surprises, within me and within the design or the architecture of the course you have laid out. Twice now I’ve felt I had lost the thread of my retreat because of life distractions, was ready to quit, and both times you folks and the Lord have said, “No JR, you can still continue the journey”.

The demon in me throughout my life is always trying to convince me that I don’t belong, that I’m the weird exception, the outsider, the unpicked in the land of the picked. As a new week starts is hesitate to sign on to the audio because what could be there for me. Yet, each week a part of me still wants to listen to the thoughts for the week for the journey. When I’m through listening, if I’m serious and truthful with myself there is always some dynamics in the week’s reflection which are touching me; even if it is just me remembering to say thank you to God for this retreat opportunity while I say my good night prayers. There’s usually much more.

In my spiritual living, both in the context of these retreat reflections and the spiritual mind I have with me through the day, I keep coming back to this true awe at the vastness of the Lord’s love and acceptance for me specifically by name, and for everybody in the world, throughout time. All I need is this simple willingness to be open, to try just little bit, and each time the Lord opens my heart and my eyes to magnificent life, tangible and real; not contrived.

It’s a challenge for me to get into these Gospel scene meditation that you often suggest. The nativity bit in the stable and the wet hay and all was really hard. Then I realized I wasn’t really trying. I thank you for the statements that this isn’t an intellectual exercise, because relieved of that pompous distraction I’ve come to hear your advice about using my imagination, and I know I have a pretty active one of those.

You have a wonderful ministry, and I am very thankful for your effort. Thanks for helping me open new horizons in my relationship with the Lord and in my spiritual journey. You’ve crafted a find retreat.
Week 16: By one of those small-scale miraculous coincidences, this week a friend has lent me a book called "Playful Parenting". As I read it, I find myself wondering how Mary and Joseph could ever have parented Jesus. It's daunting enough with a purely human child! I pray that this week will help me to see Jesus in my children more readily, and Mary and Joseph in my own parenting.
-- Liz

Week 16: I am not a theologian but it seems IN THESE OR SIMILAR WORDS the Dear Jesus letter reads, "Once you (Jesus) cheated in a race and Mary saw you do it." As I understand it cheating is a sin. Tempted to cheat is not a sin. I believe Jesus could have been tempted to cheat and made a choice not to cheat (sin). The sin is not in being tempted but in the choice one makes. My thought is that perhaps this line should be change in week 16 teachings. Peacefully yours, Elizabeth Paul

Week 16: I found this a fruitful week of reflection. I found myself coming back to three themes. I kept thinking of the utter faith in God of Mary and Joseph and the effect of that on the young Jesus. I think of how many anxieties we often go through as young children as we grow ... for example, imagining giants in the corner, fear of darkness. Jesus' early life was far from stable either so there would be even more opportunity to develop natural anxiety. And that is where I see Mary and Joseph's modelling ... not providing distractions but rather using these times to teach Jesus about utter faithfulness ... maybe Joseph or Mary tell him to "look at the sparrows ... they are fine ... God provides for them ... aren't you worth that much more?". Then I see Jesus as he grows immersed in relationships ... really relating to people, enjoying people and not fearful about his own image ... because of this he understands them more ... so that later ... he sees the core in others where others only see disease and sinfulness. But Jesus also learned to retreat from the busyness of these relationships and to refresh himself in contemplation and also further learning which he uses to confidently go forward on his ministry. I thank God for these images and ask that they help shape how I relate to others and my ministry.

My deepest desire is that my grandchildren know Christ. In the recommended readings this week, the phrase “and he went down with them to Nazareth and was obedient to them,” touched me deeply. Jesus, after letting his parents know that they were not his master (God the father was) returned with them. “He did not cling to divinity, but entered our human condition” (Phil. 2:6) As I struggle at this time with a daughter and grandkids that are part of a family (the other grandparents) that disdain the religious aspect of Christmas, my temptation is to anger and control – lashing out, judging, proclaiming “my truth” in an authoritarian way…In the scripture passage mentioned above, I travel with the twelve year old Christ-child “obedient” to the very human situation I find myself in (helpless!!!) I cannot force God’s hand. With the twelve year old Christ beside me, I pray to grow with Him “in wisdom and in years, and in divine and human favor” (Lk.2:52), obedient, in trust, to the contingency of my very human condition.
-- Anita
Week 16: I had some problems with this week, mostly because I didn't just want to "make up" stories about Jesus that probably would have never been possible. I've actually done that too much ( as American Catholics can be prone to), in my own religious practice. And so I thought I would search for some historical fiction about the child Jesus, but I didn't find anything immediately to read. So you can see that in a way I began this week off the mark, at least in the spirit in which the exercise was offered to us. And yet, grace was offered. The review week was still fresh in my mind, as was the Nativity week, and I was led to think about my own Catholic childhood. One of the strongest links we used to have as a faith, that set us apart, and presented us to the world as faith people, was something we once had in common with Jews of Jesus time. That is, there wasn't much separation between secular and faith life. Up until the '50s and '60s, Catholic kids went to Catholic schools, Catholic families had statues and plates and busts and holy water founts in their homes, and we had a strong strong emphasis on prayer--at home, at church, even in public. As a child, every day of my life was infused with being Catholic, as I imagine Jesus and His Holy Family were infused with Judaism. And although every Catholic my age can probably list the disadvantages of growing up this way--from the secrets we kept that are haunting us right now to the sometimes superficial ways we practiced our faith to the GUILT:)--I really hadn't examined until this week what might have been lost after those years. I think Pope John Paul II talked about it in his millenium letter, how there really are no longer cultures of nations totally blended with cultures of faith.I ended up with a kind of "homesickness" for those years, a realization that I had the chance to experience something special that I might well have shared with Jesus as a child. I mean, every day of my life, for at least as long as I was willing to pay attention to it, I was told how much God meant to me. Literally the breath of my life, without Whom I could not and would not exist. Every day I was reminded that God was thinking of me, and of every other living being too. How could that not have prepared and strengthened me, maybe even leading me toward the day when I would begin these exercises to "reschool" myself as an adult?And my mom still has the bust of the Blessed Mother, and the plates of the Holy See, God love her.
-- Kait
Over Christmas I found the retreats really helpful in getting more immersed in the familiar nativity story, to think more of both Mary and Joseph's role in bringing Jesus to birth and the care they gave him. More so in Week 16 when I looked more closely at the life of Jesus before he began his ministry. It was a period of our Lord's life that I had glossed over and never thought much about before, but I was more aware of how much Mary and Joseph had contributed, rather than looking directly at Jesus. I then began to wonder why I found it so difficult to look more closely at Jesus. Was I avoiding him and if so why? Was it to protect myself from getting to know him more closely, of loving him too much. Is this a defence mechanism to protect against any possibility of feeling pain (mainly through loss of the love I suspect, though why I would think that Jesus would stop loving me I do not know). I am so bound by fear and what other people think, that even if I do have times when this fear is broken it quickly returns. I am resolved to continue through the retreat and I am praying that as I continue my journey, my love for Jesus will grow and drown out this fear, and that I will respond to this by loving as he does. I do value your prayers.
Week 16: This week as I reflected on Jesus growing up I thought about the incidents in his early ministry after he took up his calling. I asked … "what especially prepared you, Jesus, to heal … to anticipate the murmurings of the religious authorities … to see the fundamental goodness in disciples like Levi and the other disciples as well?" I think it broadened my view of Jesus. Somehow I always had thought of the miracles as having just occurred through some miraculous intervention of God working through and in Jesus. Similarly, in calling the disciples it was almost as if God the Father had "text messaged" Jesus with the signal … "that's the one". But looking at it from a developmental point of view, I see Jesus' "incarnated" much clearer.
Maybe he hung out with healers who knew the power of touch together with understanding the overall person's needs. Maybe he experimented with their theories. I also see Jesus following after Joseph and building a big barn for the landowner. "Why does he need so much space? He pays us with a small amount so we can bake bread but what will happen to all that wheat if he dies tonight?" they discuss on the way back. Then as Joseph sets out around the village and surrounding area … making repairs here and there Jesus accompanies him and talks to people. He finds that he listens and often he can get to the root of what their issues are and they appreciate this. They find they know themselves a lot more after talking with him. He sees family members missing when he returns to their homes and finds they have leprosy and so have departed and left the family. He feels the separation and knows instinctively that these are also fundamentally good people. Of course, we get a glimpse early in the Temple when Mary and Joseph go up to Jerusalem and we can imagine as he progresses he reads and discusses more. But he has a gift for understanding that Scripture is more than an intellectual exercise. He relates it to a burning sensation that he has about what God wants him to do and he sees that somehow it is and should be relevant to the people he meets in his travels around the village.
So I feel I see Jesus in more dimensions now and I ask for the grace that God will similarly use the developmental experiences in my life to manifest his kingdom and that I can help others find their gifts.
Week 16: I find entering into Jesus' "hidden years" particularly fruitful. Because the Gospels tell us so little, my imagination has freer rein. However, I've hit a snag that has set me wondering. I see Mary not as she appears in much medieval and current church art -- blond, serene, virginal -- but rather as a thin, wiry, dark-haired Hebrew girl, someone who matures into a strong, perhaps muscular young woman. A person who can haul water, carry firewood for the hearth. Someone who laughs easily, perhaps raises her voice now and then in irritation. And -- here comes the "snag" part -- I want to see her as the mother of many children, not just the mother of Jesus. Family life is complicated, hard, and I want Jesus to have siblings that he argues with, bumps up against. In other words, I want a "holy family" more like my own (I'm from a family of five children, had three children of my own, and am
grandmother to four). But if my imagining goes against orthodoxy, does that matter? I'm not sure. Mary IS the mother of many, Jesus IS the brother of us all. So I'll rest in that thought for a while.
I think of Mary holding and handling Jesus's "divine trust fund" for the early part of his life. She observed so many extraordinary things and what she did'nt see first hand Jesus told her about. Being w/o sin must of made Jesus different in many sublte ways. I see this making him feeling confused and alienated at times . So who else but mom would he talk to about his feelings. I see her being an ordinary mom but intelligent and ever growing in wisdom. Much of what she knew I see her keeping to herself when Jesus was a child. How could she burden a child with such wisdom. He need to play and explore so she held her own counsel and let Jesus be a child. While she confided in Joseph some she didn't want to burden him as well. My awe for Mary grew with this exercise. "Jesus I love your mom too. Thank you for giving me a little glimps of why You made her queen"
This type of imaginary sharing with Jesus is making me feel closer to Him. It's happening!
greetings to all of you . Week 16 remained rather hidden for me. and seemed to pass very quickly.i was at home a good deal alone . I think i was a little misled by reading too many other peoples ideas on Jesus life in those first formative years. esp as an adult. It took me a little from the images that were coming to me and i found a good deal of resistance to seeing him as a compliant carpenter and son in those times. i imagine he was always seen as a little odd. and i prefer to see him drifting off into ideas and thoughts and conversations than obeying social norms . it seems more likely to me. The time alone helped me to consider the work god does in the hidden times. like a volcano forming unseen by others really.
i was also seeing images which helped me greatly in my own life of a spirit come to earth in the babys body and learning all that was wonderful and terrible and ordinary about being human.
on one day i could almost see jesus saying to his father in heaven - well this looked like a good idea when we planned it - but FEELING and LIVING it is quite something else.
and i could sense the decisions made along the way. as to which way he would go. what pain and love he could handle. what foods he wanted to eat. Like a rolls royce come to earth in a mini minors body .
i have never quite been able to see god as human before. i could see god in a human body but this week i could see that he actually BECAME with all the crossroads we reach. Love to you all.
-- Nell from Tweed
Starting this week trying to reflect on Jesus’ hidden 30 years, I focus much on Jesus as a baby, probably because my daughter and her husband are expecting their first in June! It has been a long time since a baby has been in our lives for longer than a week or so; just a visit from family or friends who live far away. Imagining Jesus as a 3 or 4 month old baby brings a smile to my face! My own memories of my children as babies flow in and, then, I imagine Mary and Joseph laughing and treasuring each new and wonderful thing their baby, Jesus, does or learns…the “sweet baby cheeks” and hands and feet! Did Mary ever think ahead while kissing those sweet parts of Jesus…it’s a good thing that God only gives us what we are able to bear and reminds us not to worry about tomorrow…As I think of Jesus’ chubby baby hands, I am brought back to memories of my middle son, Steven, at the age I am imagining Jesus. Steven is preparing for the priesthood and one day while at Mass as our priest raised the Body of Christ during the Consecration, I pictured Steven’s baby hands that will someday be graced to do the same…tears flowed…tears of missing him so very far away, but, also, tears of joy and thanks for that vision. Then I imagined kissing baby Jesus’ sweet hands…His palms that would bear the nails one day, and the tears flow again…sorrow, sadness, then, joy and thanks for what this Holy Child did for me…for us. Prayers for you all. June
As much as I desired otherwise, Christ’s “hidden life” remains hidden for me. My imagination, usually active, yielded but two brief glimpses: a boy running, bare-chested, grinning broadly at me as I tried to keep up; the writing hand of same youth hovering over the “chai”, the Hebrew symbol for the word “life”. The only other fruit of this week came from watching some of my children’s best friends suffer under the advances of a bully. The school’s administration, cowed somehow by the bully’s parents, refused to do anything. So my children’s friends, under constant threat, had to leave the school. I kept thinking of how Christ grew up in the shadow of Roman occupation, how tax collectors and even temple leaders collaborated with the occupiers out of fear. Of course, even Christ had to flee them, living in Egypt—surely no welcoming refuge for a poor Jewish family. No images of Christ in exile came to me, though. Just the tears of my friends.-- Tom, Pennsylvania
Lord Jesus, This week I contemplated your life between birth and the recorded beginning of your ministry. What was your life like? How did you develop? I thought of the early days. I imagine that for 5 years or so you were a refugee in Egypt.Your memories of that time were probably vague as you developed. You would have remembered certainly that it was not a comfortable time. Your family met up with others in the desert. Yet you also remember it as a time of faithfulness. Joseph and Mary would tell you then and remind you so many times thereafter that this exile … this wandering … was an essential part of your faith history … God had been faithful in days past to the exiles and would continue to be today. You also remember how as a community of exiles you came together and shared. And the desert wasn’t such a bad place itself. Yes it could be bitterly cold … when the winds whipped up you remember how dusty it became and quite sore too … like hailstones … but when it was calm you remember the night sky and the vividness of the stars. You can’t remember what the wandering sapiential mystics of the time said but you could remember that you could see how they found God in the roughness and beauty of that place. When you returned to Nazareth you sometimes missed the vast quietness of the desert and later often sought out the hills to recover some of the prayerful beauty of quiet places.And when did you start to discover who was your ‘real’ Father? I imagine you in the years leading up to your 12th year. Now in Nazareth, you are surrounded by family … making new friends. These are also days when your religious education is more formal. You enjoy both the formal religious gatherings as well as demonstrations of your own parents worship at home. These are times when you feel a special “tug” of inspiration as you learn about scripture and even memorize Psalms and prophetic writings. Then there is the trip to Jerusalem. Many years afterwards as you talk to friends who have children you realize what worry you must have caused your parents. Yet you found the interaction in the Temple so stimulating you had lost track of time. You found that the learning and reflection that you had done in Nazareth resonated even with some of the more learned teachers of your day. You also knew that the “tug” that you felt when discussing scripture was something more exceptional. You felt a deep relationship to God your Father and you were now committing yourself to following that call.Nonetheless, you went back to Nazareth and for the next 5 years you worked and continued learning. You were certainly a leader as you matured. But you also enjoyed relating to people. Later you reached back to these experiences as you met people from all levels in your society. You remembered one of your friends who contacted leprosy and you remember feeling for him and his shame and isolation as well as the devastation on his family. You recalled later your friend Levi who took the easy route and became a tax collector. He had everything he needed with the exception of respect. But you remembered how he was fundamentally good and he was overjoyed when you accepted him back and you transformed his life. You also observed Joseph’s patient faithfulness. Through this you could more easily understand God as a God of Love and not a God of rules as some of the more pretentious religious leaders made Him out to be when they passed through.Then in your later adolescence you started to explore more of the wisdom movements that abounded at that time. Your cousin John was deeply involved in one by this time and sometimes you would visit and debate with the teachers around him. Your simplicity and willingness to get to the heart of the issue often made people call you”Teacher”, a label which you found hard to accept. Around this time you had a special conflict because Joseph passed away and you felt an obligation to look after your mother which you did. You continued the family business but you would find time to continue to explore the wisdom movements. Your mother appreciated your love for her and she also recognized that you had special gifts in making the scriptures come alive for people where they were and she encouraged you to continue to study with others, which you did. You were especially drawn to some Psalms … “In the written scroll it is prescribed for me, to do your will, O my God, is my delight, and your law is within my heart! I announce your justice in the vast assembly; and did not restrain my lips, as you, my Lord, know.” You thought of the scriptures that you carried in your heart and you imagined yourself speaking of them to your local assembly.At this time, you became more involved in the running debate about what kind of Messiah God would send. You found ironic that people would mix up their earthly hope … a Messiah who would free them from oppression … and maybe make them richer … with your reading of the God of Love. That “tug” that pulled you when you were 12 became more of a beckoning call. You discussed this with John and he recognized this was no normal call. The voice of God was indeed inside you because You are the Christ.Praise be to God.
I am in week 16 and reflectng on the hidden life of Jesus. While I was out walking this morning I was drawn to reflect on what Mary and Joseph must have felt as they searched for Jesus after the time in the temple. I work as a campus minister on a college campus and I was dealing with a student who was very depressed over his girlfriend's break-up with him. I had been working with him and having regular conversations with him trying to help him through it all. Something he said raised a concern and when I was not able to connect with him for over a day, I really panicked. I likened this experience to what May and Joseph must have felt when Jesus was missing. I was able to ask Mary to share what she went through with her son. I felt some of the same helplessness and worry, fear and concern that she did. The prayer experience brought me in touch with this whole time in Jesus' life.
-- Mary
Week 16: Six months ago my mother died after a short but traumatic illness. During her illness, and then grieving my loss, I knew Jesus so close to me, comforting me. I knew this too with each of my three miscarriages. But contemplating Christ's hidden years, especially his family life, I now understand how he could so comfort me. Before we hear of his cousin John's execution, and of his friend Lazarus' death, Jesus has already watched his beloved father grow old, become more and more dependent. He held his dying father. He buried his dead father and held his heartbroken mother. There is no pain he cannot touch because it has first touched him. Hallelujah.
Week 16 This is the first time I have been moved to share thoughts in the Retreat. What has caught my imagination is the period between the finding of Jesus in the Temple, "Did you not know that I must be about My Father's business" and the Baptism, "This is my Beloved Son, in Whom I am well pleased."One insight is that God's time and ours operate on a very different scale.
It could not have been that Jesus was not prepared to begin His ministry to us. It could only have been that we were not ready to accept His teaching.I constructed a scene in which John the Baptist and Jesus discuss the timing of the beginning of His public life. In today's vernacular, the time spent to make sure John was "on message" as he prepared the way. Fascinating to me if a bit secular.I was also able to reflect on conversations between Jesus and Mary about the coming events of the public life and the tests of endurance Mary would have to face as Jesus fulfilled His mission to redeem our souls.Thank you for the wonderful preparation for this wonderful week. I think I'll stay here a while and enjoy the fruits.
week 16 I have been thinking of Jesus growing up, wondering if he felt the responsibility of caring for his parents especially his earthly father Joseph. I imagine that he felt compelled to take care of Joseph in his old age. Keeping the business going when his father became to stiff with age to continue. Jesus respected Joseph, he couldn't abandoned him in his old age, it would be humiliating for Joseph to accept help from others except his family. Mary would accept care from others, women did. I imagine that Jesus understanding of his mission was a gradual process. That his Heavenly Father revealed it to him as needed. I too am gaining so much from this retreat, learning about myself, Jesus and my relationship with God. Thank you
It was interesting to contemplate the life that Jesus led before his public ministry in week sixteen of the Retreat.  One of the images that really stuck in my mind through the week was of a Jesus as a toddler running around the family dwelling just screaming in fun.  As I imagined Jesus maturing, I needed to keep in focus that Jesus was like us in everything except sin.  Therefore, since Jesus had many human experiences, he never did anything that would be sinful.  Another image that stood out to me was Jesus as a young adult as his friends were getting married.  He celebrated with them and rejoiced with them but somewhere deep inside himself he knew that having a wife was not something that he was called to do.  I sensed as he matured that he would get in touch with this place deep inside of Him where he could find his true self. Week 16
Getting closer to Jesus, the adult, is a chore for me.  I can feel close to God, but not to this older brother…maybe because I never had, or was, an older brother.  The exercise of trying to know and feel these things is the important part, though I can never know the Truth of it all this side of death, and maybe not ever. 

I have always loved the story of the birth, the bravery of the parents, their ability to be “pioneers” and camp outside, even while He was being born – the closeness to the Earth of that birth – the animals and shepherds.  As a child (and sometimes now) I always wanted to find the star on Christmas Eve – to know that it was The Star, and to have the level of understanding of the physical cosmos, and belief in the mysteries of heaven that seemed to be there in the Wise Men.

The part of Jesus, the boy, to which I relate, is that part that resembles Samuel – the part that wants to be in the temple, “about my Father’s business”.  I know what it is to be the oldest child - the pros and cons of caring for the younger siblings, having special responsibility.  Needing to learn my father’s craft would be such a gift – that wonderful smell of new-cut wood and of things coming together, as well as the comaraderie.  I can feel that close relationship with my mother, so close that some people would say boys shouldn’t be that gentle, that caring.  Being a boy is difficult for me to relate to, but in these things I can.

I can understand wanting to get away to learn more, to follow what is laid out for me, even though I am not quite sure yet what that may be – both excited by the possibilities and frightened of the danger. I know what it is to have people think I am wise, or brave, and to know for myself that I am anything but that. Week 16
One begins to do what one is to do in this life at age 30.  At least that's what we were told many years ago.  Of course that isn't always true.  It is sometimes, though.  It was true of Jesus.  Or was it?  A person with a "Doctorate" and I were talking.  I pointed out another possible interpretation of something this person saw in one way only.  The "Doctor" said, "I am right.  After all, I've been teaching this for more that 20 years."  We are always learning and doing, teaching and showing, aren't we?  Babies are wonderful learning experiences for parents.  I dare you to deny that!  People who are in their eighties sometimes change their minds, don't they?  It's true Mary and Joseph - and many others - taught Jesus.  It's also true He brought to the learning His abilities.  It's rather obvious both are needed: learning experiences and ability to learn and do.  Our environments, experiences and what we do, both, combine to "make" us what we are.  And, yet, there is somehow more to us than that.  There is a kind of unlimited thing, part of us, spirit, soul.  That's why thirty years or three years or even 30 minutes (or even three minutes?) are enough!  That spirit part exists in time and eternity.  God made us and supplies the experiences, gives us the example of Jesus.  We can do as He does.  We can rise again.  Thank God!
What a wonderful exercise this has been.  I found myself in the background of my day, thinking about Jesus in a new way .  The hidden life of Christ is so fascinating , I have often wondered about Jesus, but never used this imaginative exercise before so I did as best I could. The few graces I did receive while contemplating Jesus as a toddler, young boy , and very young adolescent make me love him even more.

I envisioned the inquisitive toddler , wide eyed and getting into everything, touching Joseph's tools, playing at Marys'' feet and being under foot.  I loved thinking of Him exploring this world . I then had a wonderful scene with Jesus as a young child  playing outside and taking giddy pleasure in watching a frog jump... then looking up close at a flower and loving all of nature.... playing and chasing a puppy or a sheep.  I saw a curly haired boy with dirt on his face, getting into everything that was available... so bright and inquisitive about everything.

I thought about Jesus being wide eyed, studying people, but in particular , Mary and Joseph ; watching them do their daily chores, how they responded  to family and friends with love and learning.  He must have loved being at Joseph's side as a young boy, wanted to help in the shop, and as most little boys do feel that Joseph was the smartest man in the world.

He was very bright, but not overly aggressive as a young child, that may have come as he needed to compete with the other young boys. He learned his prayers, the scriptures at his fathers side, Joseph took him to synagogue, what did he feel inside when he listened to the psalms? Did it strike a chord of deep familiarity, this is something in his very soul...so much apart of him?

I wondered how adolescence must have been like for Jesus, did he feel his oats a bit and rebel as most adolescences do... remember the temple? Did he feel a temptation to want boast or show how well he could do everything... He did everything well.

I was wondering how did he notice young women, did he compete for attention like the other boys?

I need more time... so much to meditate on...thank you for giving me this beautiful experience.

It would be great to continue to think on this and remember that Mary, Joseph helped form him and that he was delighted, frustrated, inquisitive, contemplative, sullen, and joyful in His hidden years and remained faithful and obedient always. 
Week 16. I did not feel too compelled to probe Christ’s hidden life this week, but maybe I did despite myself. I kept feeling content with the few snapshots of the flight to Egypt and the finding of Christ in the temple. For me these fragments did fit well with this week’s photograph of the dark-skinned, poor boy of about 11 years of age. It was truly a picture of the child Jesus. The picture gave a beautiful image to the fragments in scripture about the hidden life. This image did not allow me to enter a scene of the hidden life, but I did find a grace from the Holy Spirit. I recalled how often Jesus identified with children when he described the basics of faith, love, relationships and fidelity with God. I think he turned to children to pass-on his message because it was such a strong image for him. I am sure that it had to do with Mary’s ability to love. I am sure he experience the most perfect love any human has ever had for God in the way his mother loved him. Maybe, it became the perfect image of love for him: the love his mother gave to God in caring for him. Maybe that love was the example that allowed him to understand the importance of the cross.
When I imagined the scene of Mary and Joseph coming back to the temple to find Jesus, I could not help but think that I saw, after the initial worry and relief, Mary recognized in her Son a glimpse of coming of age and maturity.  Mary possibly even seemed somewhat pleased to find Jesus in these circumstances  instead of say playing with the other children His age in the market square.  I reasoned that Mary was not that much older than Jesus when she brought Him into this world.  Also by our present day standards Mary is still a young woman at this point. Admittedly I was reluctant about trying to image myself in the moments of the last few weeks.  I do not consider myself to have a free flowing imagination.  However, by accepting to go with the suggestions, the last few weeks exercises have been surprisingly insightful.

I am trying again.  I am beginning week 16 after several weeks of being "stuck ".  I have found other wonderful resources to fill the void during this time however, and praise God for the abundance of resources available in this country.  I thank God for the wonderful Christian friends in our Bible study, the obedient priests in our city and the opportunity to serve which allows me to see Christ in others. Praise God!
This is my 16th week of this wonderful retreat. What an incredible experience of exploring  and deepening my relationship with Jesus. It is so heartening to have so many people on this journey and so many people praying for me. I am praying for you also. God Bless and keep all of us.
I will be on retreat from January 3 to January 10 at a Trappist Monastery and will use week 16. I will not have internet access but would ask those making this week of retreat to remember me in their prayers and I promise to share upon my return. I will also pray each day for those who are praying for me.  Thank you, Maureen 
Week 17

Week 17
I have spent a month on this one week, to try to get it right. I think Ignatius’ use of language here is provocative, to jar us, but to be accurate needs nuancing.
You see, we can make  humiliation an aim, not God. Then beating yourself up is holiness.
1.      I feel the humiliation has to be unplanned and uncalled for- just like happiness- it can not be an aim but a side effect. It calls us out of ourselves.
2.      The humiliation here is  not about humiliation of self - making self the centre piece, rather than God’s love , more it is about lessening of self. That is why the beatitude has ‘in the cause of right’- it is about the cause not the self
3.      The humiliations that we talk of are not humiliations for the one experiencing them, otherwise self is still central. We on the outside see humiliations they experience sadness. Jesus was not dishonoured or humiliated but he ‘seemed’ humiliated.
4.      We often get this humiliation confused with the appropriate humiliation of our sinfulness.
Hope this helps someone.

Alastair,  Rotorua, New Zealand

Week 17:I arrived at the week’s end realizing that my arrogance is such that I think I should receive eternal life with God even if I do it all my way – not follow Jesus. Once during the week I prayed: Please, God, give me the grace to imitate Jesus in all things, even those that frighten me including not having sex “on demand,” sleeping outside, backpack my constant companion, public showers with the homeless, shelter on cold nights with drunks and mentally ill people and the daily meal at the same place with the hustlers, prison escapees, and gang members in hiding, receiving health care from practitioners and in facilities for the indigent.This prayer seemed to open my eyes – if I am afraid of these services and facilities for the homeless and indigent, how can I make it so those that are receiving those services are not afraid? My silent, unmentionable desire is that I want to close my eyes again – I don’t want to confront or act on what I see...
Strangely, I also arrived at week’s end feeling closer to Jesus as I read and listened to the scriptures.I don’t know how all this came together or where it will go. I feel very scared; I am acting arrogant; I am questioning what I see around me; I feel closer to Jesus.-- Joe
I understand poverty, I grew up poor, at times in my marriage we were poor, my husband was an alcoholic/drug addict and all money our went to support his addictions. Even though I had a part time job, there were times when I had no food for my children and had to humble myself to call my mother to help, and of course she was furious. We divorced, our marriage was annulled, I went to work fulltime, but I was not in touch with my God, and so I just went through life one step, day at a time. As I look back now I can see where God was, but back then I just depended on myself or so I thought, he was there. For a while, I thought I needed material things to be happy and whole. I compared myself to my brothers and sister who are relatively successful, in life and possessions, and I felt less than they. So, I finished college, got a decent job, and there was still this emptiness. It's taken a few years, but I now realize what that emptiness was, it was a life without, without God, without love, without humility. Now that I've given my life totally to him, I'm so happy so joyful. My family thinks I'm so naive, that I look at the world differently than most, but they just don't understand. I'm not naive in the sense that life won't have it's detours, some painful, some joyful, but I never want to be without God ever again, he's with me through the hurt as well as the happiness. I now pray that he leads me to help someone else in some way, to use me for his mission. I hope I recognize what it is. Peace and blessings to you all, you're all in my prayers. Patti
Week 17: I'm starting week 17 and I have read some of the Sharing about week 17 & agree with a number of those who find this very difficult & disturbing. I'm 73 and until I turned 58 God was a fearful, punishing God. Love was not in the picture, spiritually or physically. I discovered the "God that loves" in a visit to a Charismatic prayer group. I am no longer involved but having gone there for 2 years made a tremendous change in my life. I had low self-esteem & this Good News helped me tremendously. I am most uncomfortable with the directions given for week 17. I do not plan to drop out of this Retreat but will have to do a lot of praying this week & see what happens. This Onlline Retreat is "home" to me. -- Jean
Week 17 The idea of poverty, dishonor, and humility is a great relief to me. Not to have to strive to be "important" or powerful or rich is liberating. It is liberating not to be looking for acknowledgement, or competing for attention. Although I have heard these ideas before, they somehow sunk in this week.
In praying through and starting to experience week seventeen of this retreat, I was startled by words that bothered me. I have read that if we are to seek peace her in this world, we must restructure our language to one of peace. Under Practical Help for Getting Started this Week, I read "Our Christian faith tradition has long pictured this struggle as a Battle being waged for our souls. Our effort this week is to understand the movements at work in this spiritual warfare." Perhaps, for me, one way to simplify my life--to work for poverty, dishonor, humility might be to prayerfully consider other words to use that would be less confrontative and say what is meant but in a peaceable way. My pray will be to think of this each day as I strive for peace in my small piece of this wonderful world. Thank you.
Week 17: I find the reflection on the Two Ways of Desiring challenging. I recognize that one of the seductive voices I fall for is the voice that tells me I can be perfect ... improve ... be happy. One metaphor that sticks with me is how I collect gadgets. I am an "early adoptor" and each new gadget I believe will make me more efficient or effective. Indeed, some do ... but a great many pass on. Similarly, in other places in my life and particularly in my spiritual life I collect "things" to make me improve ... to be happy ... to be successful. In themselves these are not too bad until I see that they lie around the rooms of my life on my terms. There is a quite a bit of clutter in these rooms. But what would happen if I just sat here and let them all go? I don't like being dependent. But I remember when I ran marathons that after crossing the finishing line there were lots of people ready to help you, take you by the arm, guide you to a place to rest that during the race you would have resisted, but in your tiredness you are grateful for. Maybe that's where I need to start in my spiritual life ... humbly asking God to guide me, resting on Him in dependence. Then what would happen if I were not successful or not delirously happy? I fear the word "dishonor" but I would be resting with God. What if I had no more gadgets ... real or imaginary? Then I pray that I would be free to hear and feel where God wants me to go onto next.

Week 17: This is the most powerful week yet drawing me like the magi to the baby Christ and His birthplace for adoration and worship
--Curt

Week 17: I have been trying to understand this week how it is possible to desire humiliation without falling into the trap of self-loathing - a real danger for those of us with a history of depression and/or eating disorders. I'm not sure I'm getting very far with that, but I'm taking baby steps in the right direction. I found the courage this week to withdraw from a project that was stressing me, because I realised I was in it mostly to enhance my reputation. I've also been thinking a lot about how I see myself and trying to detach myself from unrealistic identities and self-images - things which create false desires in me that I can't fulfil and that would probably be bad for me if I did manage it. I think that has started me on a path that will be a blessing.
--Liz

Week 17: 2Cor.13:11 spoke deeply to me of blessing…”put things in order.” It was time to act. It was time to be firm.
The grace this week – as I struggled with a community member disturbing long-time good and creating mistrust and anxiety - was the strength to “call the person back”. Phil.4:11 “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me”, (from the recommended readings this week) spoke to me of courage. On a deeper level, the struggle was with my own personal integrity. My gut feeling about this person was mistrust from the beginning, and I went against my better judgment in accepting him. I had to let him and then the community know where I stand. “What does it profit them if they gain the whole world, but lose or forfeit themselves.” Lk 9:25
This week was a call to action out of deep listening.
-- Anita

Week 17: This is my first sharing. The fear of putting spirituality into writing is that it confirms a commitment followed by a responsibility and finnalt an accounability. So what this lesson has revealed to me by the grace of God is that I have built a fortress on the world in all my other accountabilities. So being in the confines of riches, honoe and pride every thing just seemed normal. Then came fear of chafe tather than patience with the present and waiting on God. As I try and have tried to break the walls of the worls I have found how sturdy of a structure I was encapsulated within. The world I slowly buildt brick by brick. Now I will pray and wait as only by the grace of God can this sinner be saver. The walls are think for this creature.
Week 17: I recently made the decision to leave my job and organization that I've been part of for nearly 30 years and change my career. I feel I have battled for the last 5 years at least with the concrete challenge of "how do I define myself?" I was disappointed when I did not get selected as CEO 5 years ago. It felt like utter rejection and I was determined to find something that would equal the status. It was really only through going through this process that I discerned that leadership itself is a charism and so I needed to be guided by God as to where to deploy it. When I first told my boss about my decision I experienced first-hand the temptation of the "Evil One" (I'm not suggesting that he is the Evil One!). He told me that I should wait it out … there are more prestigious places where I could get a job … he would even help me … or if I remained with the firm I could make even more money and then use it for whatever purposes I wanted. I seriously thought about this for 24 hours. It was quite attractive. I hope I did make the right decision … certainly I made it resisting the temptation to hold out for more possessions or more prestige. Thank you for this Retreat.
Week 17: This is my third try at doing the on-line retreat and the attempt has been easier than the previous ones. That is, until now. I suspected I would hit a bumpy spot and week 17 is definitely it. It is so very hard for me to think of giving up "riches and honor," for they represent security -- and for some reason, security is very important to me. I am 70 years old, a widow, comfortably well off: good health, enough income, family and supportive community close by. I am intensely grateful for those blessings, but also fearful of losing them. What if health or money were to disappear? Would I still be able to praise God, thank Him for His many gifts, accept the life I would suddenly face? I don't know. Perhaps my faith is wispy, a product of overall good fortune. I recall vividly an incident from 20 years ago when I found myself in a local pharmacy. I was there to have my blood pressure tested and, standing in a long line, realized that almost everyone in the line was old (that is, older than I), and also a bit shabby looking. My immediate reaction was, "But I don't WANT to be old and poor. To be old and poor is to be looked down upon." What a revelation of my real values, as opposed to the values I professed! So now, I'm struggling with the "poverty, dishonor, humiliation" mantra. As some sharers have indicated, I don't see those three things as active goods to be pursued. Who wants to be poor, dishonored, humiliated? Rather, I see riches, honor, and pride as worldly "goods" that I must try to put aside, dampen down, trim back as far as I can in order to make room for the Lord and for the work that He wants me to do during the time that remains. Intellectually, I know that this process can be freeing. I never
felt lighter or less burdened than when I gave away what were, for me, significant amounts of money -- and did so with "no strings attached." Now, some years later, I can only pray for help in working toward the freedom that will allow me to truly follow Him.
Week 17: I am repeating this Retreat which I first did three years ago. This time in week 17, I see very clearly how much my desire for riches, pride and honor dictates my choices. It isn't about money or possessions for me, although I have more than enough, of these things. It is all about the approval and leadership status that I receive from doing the work that I do. It's so much about the recognition and affirmation that I consistently receive. It's about being seen by others as gifted and effective in my work. I see in this week of the Retreat, the strong hold that this desire has on me, because I can't easily bring myself to pray that God change this for me.
I am resisting spiritual poverty. Here is where the world has its hold on me. This is the place where I hold on to control in my life, and it must be the desire that has kept me from trusting God, more completely. I am humbled to understand this and I wonder if I will be given the grace to change. Maybe I will be able to pray about it after all.
-- Linda
Week 17: There is a Balm – a balm of Gilead – and so this retreat is a balm for my soul. After downloading week 17 – I realized I am walking with and through week 17 readings. I thought I was finally making it in life. I had finally accumulated 4 ½ years at one job ( I am in my 50’s) benefits, tuition reimbursement, started to actually finish my Master’s Degree, was a candidate for job promotion then…life changed. My mother was not doing well at assisted living anymore and we decided that it would be best to move her in with us. I don’t have blood relatives to help but managed to find community resources that can help me with my mother who has some dementia and long standing mental illness(chronic depression). My job did away with part time flex time hours and so I had to quit and recently took a part time job with less than half pay and no benefits – so that I could be close to home. This truly is a walk of faith and trust in God-I have been humbled. You see I am an ego maniac with low self esteem and I do believe that got finally got through to me that it isn’t what I do but what I am my character is what counts. I work with a young lady that is 30 years younger and she somehow got the life manual. She is able to do what I have finally learned this past month about human character and humility and simplicity. I am a very slowwwww learner.
greeting to you all. this week has touched me deeply. i was moved by the sharings and pleased to encounter others whose lives are seeming failures in the normal world. my own life through the series of decisions since i came into recovery has led me not to wealth , lovers or success - but to pension and humiliation and a very simple life. these were not the result of my greed or poor choices but it seems to me - the result of 18 years of consciously trying best as i have been able to follow the golden thread of gods leading. so i was pleased to hear of others who in the 'affluent' countries face the challenges of being amongst the almost unseen otherworld. the ones who often count for very little in the eyes of society - even their ' spiritual' society which for me is amongst recovering addicts .
" i have learned to be satisified with all that i have." was the saying which touched me the most. what an exciting life . wear the shoes of peace i read as well this week and for a non peaceful woman i was pleased tor realise that i do at least know what that means. dayenu. this is enough. this is good. yours with love.
-- nell from tweed
I am still in week 17 and it is as if I am paalyzed. Something I read stopped me dead in my tracks. I literally walked away from the retreat until this morning. It was then that I decided to write about my paralysis.
Up to this point the retreat has gone rather smoothly with new insights and new challenges, but when I reached this week, it was as if God was asking too much and I couldn't face it. (I know now that it wasn't God; it was my own pride and selfishness that was getting in the way of handing everything over to the Lord.)
Once I sat and prayed with all of that today, I had a renewed sense of beginning where I left off. With God on my side, I cannot go astray.
This was a powerful reminder to me of the presence of the evil one who desires to sidetrack me from what I know I want and desire--a deeper relationship with the Lord.
With all of that said, I feel I can pick up where I left off. It has been good to have a place to write about what is happening. I don't do it often but I do it when I know there has been something holding me back or there has been some breakthrough.
-- Mary
 Two ways of desiring? Actually, neither of your ways appeals to me. Riches, honor, pride? Don’t even speak to me of those things. I have voluntarily earned no income for the past ten years. My social status is somewhere between “invisible” and “disdained”. As for pride—who am I? I don’t even maintain a sense of identity solid enough on which to hang the trappings of pride. Am I conversely to desire poverty, dishonor, humiliation? No! Resoundingly no! That would be to desire injustice! If you do not believe me, then shall I bless you by offering to do unto you such as would impoverish you, dishonor you, humiliate you? Should I desire to impoverish, dishonor, humiliate Christ? Are we not members of his body? Is he not poor, dishonored, humiliated enough? While we accept our crosses to join with him and be like him and love through him, should we not also accept the riches of his creation, the honor of being heirs to the kingdom of heaven, the pride of knowing that in him, we are already seated at the right hand of God the Father in heaven, loved and cherished by Mary, the angels and all the saints, and depended upon by the souls in purgatory for our prayers? This is the way I choose.
-- Tom, Pennsylvania
I found this week’s exercises challenging as I have when previously I used them. My temptation when I get to the part of the prayer “and physical poverty if that will advance God’s kingdom” is to add “but if you’ve got anyone else in mind maybe they would do a better job!” I need to sit longer with St Paul’s reflection, “I have learned to be satisfied with everything I have. I know what it is to be poor or to have plenty, and I have lived under all kind of conditions”. But I think I can get over that particular struggle. I think I can also get over the big battles over “How do I know who I am?” I can clearly relate to the forces of the world that have won over me at various times. In St Paul’s list of things in which the world wins in his letter to Galatians I think I can apply that list to me at some point in my life … maybe with the exception of witchcraft!But where I found the challenge this week is in the more subtle parts of responding to the various voices of the world that call me. The most subtle call is the call to busyness and goal achievement. Now I’m sure that I still hear my mother telling me that “idle hands are the devil’s plaything”. As we know having goals are good and keep one focused. But often for me they become an obsession that defines me. Then taking on more tasks becomes more important. Often these are good in themselves but taking on more for the sake of recognition and feedback creates an environment where I build up more anxiety … more impatience … and move further from God.Then there are the subtle pulls of wealth creation. It’s relatively easy to respond to the call to be generous but sometimes I think that response is closer to Saul’s response to Samuel (from Monday’s reading) when Samuel tells him he has been unjust in battle; “But we sacrificed to God the first spoils of our capture”. I think of my call to Leadership. I get depressed sometimes because I think I should have the top leadership role in my company or I could do a different, bigger role in another organization. Sometimes I even believe I deserve this. Of course, I can discipline myself and be very focused on what I have to do now for my colleagues. But I wonder about the more subtle aspects of this. Have I omitted chances to further God’s Kingdom and to respond to this call by ignoring opportunities purely because I wanted to preserve my economic interest? Of course, I can justify this and think of “what my family needs”. So pray that when that pull becomes especially tough I take the call of Jesus … stripped of arrogance or pride … maybe even foolish in some people’s eyes … but humbly placed behind his banner.
This, the 17th week, and only half way through it, has yeilded fruit. Up to this point, I have read most of the readings and engaged my imagination, my reason, and sometimes my memory, and its been OK but no real breakthroughs. But this week's opening summary, "Two Ways of Desiring," hit me right between the eyes. Giving up status based on material wealth, other people's opinions, and selfish impulses, and coming to rest in the reality of being God's beloved helped me to "see the light." Yesterday I experienced a long moment of peace and content, and I had a revelation that, in my past, Christ had manifested his goodness during a period of time when I was very far from the Church--such patience and incredible generosity! Anyhow, I just wanted to share that.

Peace,
David
I have just started week 17 and realize how God is answering my desire to know him on a deeper level. When I first made this retreat in 2002, I prayed for actual poverty so that I could be more like Jesus who was born in the humble surroundings in Bethlehem. Today I realize how graciously God has answered my prayer. In May of 2004, my teaching job ended and my husband's salary was cut almost in half. This fall, my husband's salary was cut again. We now have exactly enough money to pay our bills from month to month barring any unexpected monetary expenses. For the past year I have been working actively as a counselor at a Pregnancy Crisis Center, and will be going to my first Right To Life march in Washington D.C. January 20. The fruits that have come from my desire to grow in my relation with Jesus has led to an authentic poverty of spirit and material wealth, which has been extremely humiliating for my husband and me. This has led both of us to a deeper sense of true humility and a greater love for the Lord and each other. We have to work together for financial survival. We have had to downsize all of our spending habits. This Christmas, for the first time in our lives, we adopted a poor family and brought a little joy into their lives. On January 6, we sent another load of supplies to them in honor of the Epiphany. This has brought deep satisfaction and grace into our lives. Each day has become an adventure as we continue to "Keep our eyes fixed on Jesus". Thank you again for making this retreat possible.
-- Sandy
After just chugging along for several weeks, this week hit like a brick wall. I read the readings on All Saints--funny that the Beatitudes was the Gospel reading for that day. A "God-incident" as my priest would call it?
At any rate, I think we need to be a bit careful here. Poverty and poverty in spirit are very different concepts. Although I know advertising media promotes the affluent lifestyle, on the flip side, I don't think anyone would argue that poverty itself is ennobling. Being in want often makes people mean and little. It's also a very different thing to choose, to voluntarily embrace poverty, versus it being forced on you. Lots to think about here.
week 17: I have been very empty the last few weeks, I have not been able to do the exercises as discribed. Maybe I am just too lazy. I want Jesus to be bigger than me always, I don't want to picture him as a baby very much.
It is hard to say that.
This weeks lesson is very interesting to me and seems to hit me right where I live. I am retired and living on just my social security check.
I don't manage it very well. I have spent long hours wishing for "more"
and tying to scheme ways to "get more".
I have things that I do, but don't get to seem important to others. I can see how I can feel very rewarded by just doing it now.
I have been invited to vacation in another state with some friends and have no cash to spend buying them thank you gifts or taking them out, that type of thing. It has put me in a very sad mood, to the point I didn;t want to go, along with my fear of flying. I have been just wanting it to be done and over with. I have a feeling now, that I can just go, put my trust in the Lord, and see how things will be just fine.
Just be grateful , just "be".
I think I am still very young in growing in this retreat. I will continue on and trust it is okay if I do that without "getting it perfect"
Peace to all who are also traveling this retreat.
Sometimes I think I am doing all the right things, I pray everyday, I ask the Lord to guide me, to help me make the right decisions etc. I tell him I want to do his will. Then I get hit with a curve ball. A problem that doesn't have an easy answer, one that involves enabling. Enabling seems so Christlike yet it doesn't solve any problems. You think you are being compassionate and helping yet the problem continues. And when you stop helping you feel so guilty. I have two such problems right now and I pray that God leads me and I hear and see the way he wants me to go. Week 17
Somewhere along the way I have stumbled. I have pulled back and tried to control. I guess it is because I feared where the retreat was leading me. This idea of independence is so strong yet I know the end result is so distructive. Why am I afraid to say yes and cross over? My faith is not strong enough to walk this walk, yet my yearning and searching is carrying me along. I simply don't feel worthy of God's love. Week 17
Week 17 This week's retreat seems over the top when it calls for an ". . . incredible desire for dishonor, humiliation, and contempt" in order to place oneself with Jesus. Ridding myself of arrogance, of pride, and preoccupation with material things okay -- but must I seek punishment to become humble? I'm either missing the point or simply not ready . . .

Early in the retreat there were some prayers from "Guerillas of Grace" (Ted Loder). There's one excerpt from the prayer "Gather Me to Be with You" that somehow helps this week:

"Oh Lord, release me
from the fears and guilts
which grip me so tightly;
from the expectations and opinions
which I so tightly grip,
that I may be open
to receiving what you give,
to risking something genuinely new,
to learning something refreshingly different."
I find myself stumbling on the retreat as I enter week 17. I understand what is being asked of me, and I understand my stopping place. For spiritual poverty I do pray and will continue to work. I understand that friendship with Jesus leads in that direction...always. I cannot pray for actual poverty, however. I have been there, and to that insecurity of the next meal, and the humiliation of asking for help. Voluntary, protected poverty is one thing, and I think the church did well in establishing a workable model of voluntary poverty in its orders. But not actual poverty. I don't think that anyone should pray for that.

So, I know where I am stopping on this retreat, at least this time, this year.
But wait, I am not stopping. There is plenty enough for me to work for in terms of spiritual poverty, that I am not actually at that crossroads, if there ever is again such a crossroad in my life. I may not get anywhere close to where other people get...let alone the ignatiuses of this life, but I am continuing....with God and me knowing I cannot pray for what I think is not good for me. Some of us have already lived more risks than what are healthy for us.

Through a difficult set of circumstances, I found the place in me that I call arrogance. That is what I am asked to give up for the Lord.
Week seventeen of the retreat caused me to look at my life and the desires that are part of it.  I knew that I too often act on my desire to achieve the recognition of others.  However, I was surprised to find throughout the week the multitude of my behaviors and responses that were part of my life in order to look good in the eyes of others.  I can feel the yearning in my heart for a detachment from all of this and the freedom that I can find only in God.  However, I am further away from this freedom and the desire for this freedom than  I thought I was.  I pray that God will help me to desire and ultimately live in the freedom that can come only from God.
During this week (17) ,  I have seen myself in a light that I do not always take the time to see, that is a quietly prideful person.  Pride as bragging has not been my style, but this week, I noticed times when I felt superior, or smug in my mind .  This week has really made me aware of a subtle sin, a sin that is very damaging to me and in my relationships.  I want to be more like Christ, and be more humble , and by that I mean open to God.

There is always a choice to be made day by day, moment by moment , and the seduction of pride, comforts, and putting myself first is there.  The choice of looking at Jesus's patterns of living and imitating these are my desire.

I love to meditate on Mary and I know that she will lead me closer to her Son .  She was humble and trusting in so many situations, she chose the good, never the easy.

Please give me the grace to choose  good over evil. Thank you for this week.
Week 17  Lord, take what I don’t need which is everything but you. More importantly Lord, remind me every day that I need nothing but you. Especially take those items of self-infatuation. Let me lean towards humility where peace is abound.
The 16th week of retreat lasted so long . At that time almost everyday I was so tired with my work and was always so busy. So I thought maybe I couldn't continue this retreat. But the 17th week's retreat gave me a chance to reflect on myself in everyday life. Then I realized that my busy works resulted from having something outside me affirm myself. they surely  must root in my desires-especially riches, pride- unlike the way of Jesues' desires. Now I'd like to newly start my retreat and live the way of Jesus' desires differently from my life before.
I'm on week 17 - two ways of desiring. I realise how much of my life, particularly in my work, is based on wanting honour, so that I fret and worry terribly when facing even mild failures and am envious of other people's successes. I don't know where I'm heading at the moment. Please pray for me.
The first full week of January (17) this retreat challenged us to think and pray about poverty, dishonor, and humility.  What a direct hit that was for me.  Through my mistakes (humiliation) I am possibly facing bankruptcy. Right now I am not able to keep up with the payments I owe to my creditors (poverty).  If indeed, after meeting with a counselor, I find out I will have to file for bankruptcy (dishonor), my spirits will be very low.  Some people might say I won't have any problems then, my debts will be wiped out.  However, it is something that will stay on my credit report for 10 years.  It will keep me from purchasing anything on time, particularly a car or house.  I have kicked myself enough, now I turn to God.  I thank God the Catholic Church has the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  It gives us a chance to start over and awakens God's Spirit within us.  I hope society will forgive me for not being able to pay my debts.  I feel broken, humiliated, and an outcast because of my problems. This week I respond to God.  I talk to Him and tell Him I want whatever will bring Him honor and glory.  I know my financial troubles have been the center of my life for a long time.  Now it is time to place God in the center.  All gifts come from Him.  I need only to place my total trust in Him. Most Gracious God, I beg your forgiveness for my failures in this life. Strengthen my resolve to trust in Your faithfulness to me.  May all that I do, all the lives I touch today, bring honor and glory to Your Sovereign Majesty.   Remind me often, You are near especially when my fears overwhelm me.  Thank You for loving me and for choosing me to be one of Your followers.  May I never forsake my promise to remain close to You.  Amen.
Although some parts of this retreat have been a blessing, many parts have been difficult.   The Annunciation stayed with me for over two weeks as I considered the greatness of Mary in her response --  and whether I am saying "yes" in accepting God's love in my life. As this new year begins, I pray to follow Mary's example of trust -- her trust in the Annunciation, in going to
Egypt, in letting Jesus go on His mission as a young man, and in standing at the cross.  None of these were easy things to do -- and would have been impossible if she didn't trust God. As I considered "pride, honor, riches," (17) it came to me that Mary rejected all of them at the annunciation -- and her "yes" continued faithfully throughout her life.  She lived with humility, dishonor and poverty.  Actually desiring these things still seems alien to me, but it is becoming obvious that that is where dependence on God leads. 

Week 17a
This week (week 17 a) hasn’t seemed to go too well. There was so much going on at work that I didn’t have much background time to review. And I certainly did not find myself able to “smile inwardly with joy.” And I fell too often into my old patterns. I did keep trying to pull back into focus, but without too much success. Even my structured prayer was so distracted. But I realize the necessity to keep trying & to keep to my schedule of spiritual exercises even if they are not perfect. Then on Friday, something happened to remind me that God DOES take care of things, even the material ones related to everyday work. I think this was to show me that I do need to trust in God & He will provide. But, sadly, even though I recognized this, by the evening I was back in the rut of being overwhelmed & repeating the scenarios that overwhelmed me…my pride & desire for perfection, I have to do it all…the opposing forces!! I do not know if I am ready to go on to the next week.But wait…practical helps remind us that when we are moving toward the Lord & desiring to know Jesus, love Him, & follow Him we can expect that we will have conflicting desires & old habits that will become unreasonably more powerful just now. Although, I couldn’t “chase them away easily with a smile” I do recognize them as the devil’s work & ask Mary, Jesus, God our Father, & the Holy Spirit to help me to resist these patterns that are pulling me away from the poverty of spirit (humility, trust in God) that is Jesus’ way. Also, the other thought to remember is that our progress is by God’s gift. I just have to stay open & trusting that He who has brought me this far & given me so many graces in this retreat, will continue to help me move along this journey…at the pace He sees best for me. The inner joy that will come eventually is not dependent upon my successes, but upon my life being placed with Jesus, in God’s hands. So it is time to move to the next week & trust in God’s perfect & on-going love.A heartfelt thank you to those you make this retreat possible and to the fellow retreatants who remember each other in their prayers. Please continue to pray for me, as will do for you.
I have been praying for my 41 year old sister who has been spiraling down for sometime. She lives in a different state and removed from me physically but not spiritually. I have been praying for her and her daughter who are both in trouble again... but I know praying is not enough she needs some action on my part. This week I place all my sinful actions in responding to her before God and I ask his forgiveness but I also pray for his direction in the best way to help without enabling her further and without making my husband angry. She is such a lost soul and has taken her daughter down with her. Please pray for her as well Week 17a.
In the "For the Journey" section of Week 17a, there were a few powerful lines that stood out for me.  "Most of the great saints of history have had to live in the presence of their pasts.  They had to face how fragile their sense of fidelity might be."  What a comfort to be reminded of this.  I need to be able to live with all aspects of my past -- the good as well as the sinful.  I also need to be able to live with the possibility that I may not always make the right decisions and fall in to sin in the future.  There is a sense of freedom in realizing that.  Eight weeks ago I prayed for the strength, faith, and courage to live out my 'yes' to the Lord.  I know that I can not let past failures nor the possibility of future ones hold be prisoner.  I must always move forward and always try to do the right.  I have to trust that the Lord guides me and is pleased in my goodness and picks me up in my failures.
As our Lord faced the temptaions of this world, he also showed us how to overcome them because God is all powerful, and all power comes from Him for his glory and through Him through Jesus Our Lord, and empowerment of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. the evil ones continue to test God's followers by testing us as in the gospel of Mathew, to want power, fame, fortune, prestige of the world.

To OVERCOME these temptations, We focus on our all powerful Lord God, by trusting in God, that God will provide for all our temporal and well as spiritual needs and to keep in mind that things of this world do not last. To overcome the wants for worldly desires we, focus on service to others for by loving others we are loving God and doing His will. Thank you Blessed Trinity for guiding us in this journey. Amen  Week 17a
My state of life.  Sometimes I just don't see that "I have all I need." I can list things I don't have, that others have, and start down the road to desolation (are the ninth and tenth commandments meant to help us not go down this road?)  Wish I had more money, friendship, excitement...but I know I have good health, family, and an established career, one that was chosen wisely and carefully invested in over the years.  (You must have been guiding me, Lord!). I fight a daily panic to accomplish more, head off worries, and flee desolation...

But as I reflect I see the many comforts.  My desire now is to see the goodness of my daily life, and be thankful each day.  But since this has been a struggle for me on my own, Lord, I will need your help.
Week 17a, another ‘twofer’, and I can’t help but observe how few comments are found in this transition week. The week has been difficult for me, too, in that I have had less time than in other weeks to concentrate on the theme(s) of the week. It is another invitation to look back at our experience of the retreat so far. In many ways, I see that I have traveled far. At the same time, there is a sense in which I remain where I was at the start. Still a little reluctant to completely ‘let go and let God,’ yet much more aware of His presence and of His call to become what I was created to be. I struggle with my worldly life and its demands. I want to be more attentive to Christ but, like St. Paul, I continue to do the things I don’t want to do rather than the things I intend. I cannot do it alone as I have tried to do for so long. I need Christ. I pray for an ever-growing love for Him and His people, and for the grace to ‘do whatever He tells me.’
I'm stalled out here at week 17 review.  This retreat has been an awesome experience for my spiritual life.  It has really helped me become closer with God to the point that I may be afraid to go deeper, that he may tell me things I don't want to hear.  The graces that I have experienced are overwhelming.  I have and continue to receive more than I deserve.  Part of the problem is that I over commit myself and then everything I try to accomplish suffers.   I need to simplify things and re-prioritize my work tasks with I Am Third.   Reading the other sharing's has helped and I know that I need to spend more time sharing my faith with others in person.  I try to attend Mass on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6:30 am and unfortunately missed both last week and this has compounded my problems. I know how important it is to keep with my prayer schedule and 'm committed to sticking with it and actually increasing prayer when things seem the most hectic.   Some of the Graces that I received just this last weekend; my three year old son sang me the first song that he has learned (I see Blue Skies), I spent some real quality time with my father, my wife was off on retreat for the weekend and she came home Sunday night aglow with the Lord, I went on a fantastic bike ride with my seven year old daughter and one of my best friends and his son on a warm sunny day and our Priest blessed my daughter at communion with the Eucharist, he has only done this one other time, she makes her first communion this May. 
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