Week 18
Week 18
Through it all dear God,
your presence is felt by me,
when I remember.
-Ellen H.
Week
18: I found it helpful on my everyday, walking around reflections
to follow one of the suggestions and to pray "My life is in your
hands". The attachment I focused on was "My old house ...
city". I moved last Spring ... a decision fuelled in part by following
this retreat previously. But I have been missing my "old house
and neighbourhood". I realise that up to Christmas things had been
stressful both at work and with some household issues to do with the
move that I was in a sort of rebellion about my new situation. I was
quite happy to set-up to come back for several trips this quarter ...
one when I was on my way to a conference and then I booked 2 weeks at
Easter. Now part of that is that I had promised my son we would "cash
in" on a fishing trip we "won" at a silent auction and
then I've justified it by having to do some research. But really it
was more reflective of wanting to do things on my terms. Of course,
my wife is much more adaptable and has been gently prodding me ... why
do I keep wanting to go back? I think it has been helpful. Prodded but
loved ... which I think is the Lord's way! On these terms i can certainly
pray more enthusiastically "Lord, my life is in your hands".
Week
18: “There lies the deepest freshness deep down things.”
(G.M.Hopkins)
These poetic words reinforced for me the words of Psalm 131 of the suggested
prayers this week. The image of a babe in a manger (it being Christmas)
brought to mind another scripture passage: “…you have hidden
these things from the wise and intelligent and revealed them to infants.”
(Mt.11:25)
New life has the radiance and freshness and dependence of a newborn,
like the birds of the air and the lilies of the field that are looked
after by God. How I long for this freshness…
-- Anita
Week
18: I found this week's reflections more challenging in some
ways. I'm not sure exactly why? Maybe it's because I am excellent in
the state of either procrastination or complete rationalization about
a lot of elements in my life. Perhaps, it is because the struggle over
wealth and what it means I just went through in discerning whether a
change in my career was the right direction. I concluded it was and
that it was therefore better to see money as a gift to be used. This
contrasted with my past goal setting where among other things achieving
a certain net worth was an absorbing goal. Not that I think there is
wrong in goal setting.In fact, maybe that is where some of the tension
is: I enjoy goal setting but the nagging question from this week's reflection
is whose goals and where is the Lord in these?One thing I did find helpful
this week was some reflections at our Parish Mission. This was focused
on the spirituality of St Frances de Sales. I practiced doing the "Direction
of Intention" frequently during the week before each task or grouping
of task. This is one way of making sure that the Lord is in our goals.
week
18. I have seen how lax I can get with prayer committments. God is so
good to be with me but I don't always keep the door open. Fear of what
could be expected, of losing control is a big part. At first I believed
I could say this is wrong, take it, or I have this problem, take it.
But lately, I need to let God dig into the pit of my soul and clean
it out. I can't see what is there. Being totally open is hard in actuality,
but at least I can say I want to be and ask God to continue to empty
me, so I have room for Him. At times all I have left is to say continue,
and trust that He will. This retreat allows me to do that and I am really
grateful.
greetings
to you all. what a nice week this has given me . i stopped trying to
get out of situations or to fix them this week and somehow was able
to stand free in the unfreedom of the attachments. nothing outwardly
has changed as yet but i have good deal more peace. waiting to move
as god moves in me.
i can feel the anchor dragging me on the mud at the bottom of my life
- nothing very sinister now - but still isolating me from god and you
. this week i am able to trust that the master knows what to do about
it.
-- yours Nell. from the Tweed
I
thought that I was moving along rather nicely spiritually speaking until
this week. I feel like the young man in the Gospel who simply had too
much to give up in order to follow Christ. It is not material goods
that are the problem for me. The thought of placing such complete trust
in God's hands is terrifying, I know that I have trust issues in relationships...and
they extend to all relationships. If you see this posting, say a little
prayer with me that I have the grace to choose Christ and not trying
to be in control.
--M.L.
Cast
from me every evil
that stands in the way of my seeing you,
hearing, tasting, savoring, and touching you;
fearing and being mindful of you;
knowing, trusting, loving, and possessing you;
being conscious of your presence and, as far as may be, enjoying you. As I read
this portion of the prayer of detachment it occurred to me how difficult
it is to use our five God-given senses to in turn experience God in
sight, sound, touch, smell and taste. So much of my spirituality is
in my "head." Is my "head" my hindrance? Lord, help
me to explore other paths to a fuller experience of You.
Detachment can also
be an attachment! I can be so busy shunning the world that I shun the
Christ who lives in the heart of my neighbor. But
to do all for the glory and honor of God, to live at the hand of the
Lord—then I can approach even my enemies and do so with courage
and peace. Not easy, but possible. I
thank God for the grace to trust in him, be confident of his presence
and act humbly in his will. --
Tom, Pennsylvania
Week 18: I continued
reflecting on the tension between wealth and responding to God's call
this week.Of the three ways of responding I am a master at procrastination.
I think in my relationship to wealth it is easy to reach into a sense
that wealth can be rationalized. Most of my rationalizations are self-serving.
On the other hand, it is extremely hard to make some radical transformations
in our communities without wealth creation. What I found more useful
was reflecting on the third way of responding and making a plain statement,
"My own wealth is not really mine; it's God's. I offer it up for
His use in furthering His Kingdom". This leads to the question,
"Is this the right way to invest for God?"; "By buying
this am I spending God's money wisely?" Does this prevent me from
being self-serving. No ... I'm certainly not there yet. But with God's
grace I'm interested to see how this develops.
I also reflected on "busyness". What's going on with my attachment
to getting things done? When I promise I'll do something about this
I usually take on more ... maybe a new self-improvement scheme ... a
new tape to listen to in the car. Then again, I can justify that I have
to be busy to further God's Kingdom ... usually in this mode no one
else is available ... and He has to be served .... or maybe I need the
satisfaction of convincing myself that I'm worth something if I take
on this responsibility and get one more thing done or one more goal
achieved. In the third way of responding, I give my busyness to God
... maybe there are times when I need to be busy and times when I do
not. Like my reflection on wealth ... "Time is not my time ...
but God's time ... to be used in His service". .
Thank you for this exercise. Pray that I may find ways to further my
detachment from whatever keeps me from God.
Another hard week. Hard not to
inventory my failings, just to hold things up to God and say here it
is, change it as/if you see fit for your glory.
I have not shared in a few weeks,
I simply felt the need to view the thoughts of others and pray. This
week I realized that since I began this retreat, many thoughts from
my past which I had buried have surfaced - some painful, joyful, and
sad. The most vivid thought recently was that of having to take total
responsibility for my two little children from a painful marriage, since
this was more than 30 years ago, I could not understand why this thought
surfaced. I began to discern that it is all part of the cleansing, healing
process of this retreat. Continuing the journey successfully means opening
up and allowing the Holy Spirit to cleanse our mind, heart, and very
soul of all that has held us captive. My 18 week and continuing.
Week 18... This was an awesome
week for me. . . and Phillippians says it best "Christ has taken
hold of me".
The three kinds of responses in week 18 made me look at the way that I handle certain things
in my life. I have many good intentions and desire to do many
good and right things and to cease the behaviors that are not what they
should be. However, all too often I procrastinate beginning or
fail to follow through. They are quite often a part of my thoughts
but the actions just do not materialize. I plan and even desire
to do them and just never seem to start or follow through with the good
intentions. This is the response I have to way too many things.
This response tends to lead to a sense of uneasiness. I also sometimes
rationalize as the second kind of response indicates. But, in
far too few instances I totally let go and hand it over to God's will.
This is by far the response that ends up bringing about the most happiness
and peace. The other two responses leave a sense of longing or
a continued need for rationalization and these take away the sense of
peace and happiness that can be found only when the situations are placed
totally in God's hands.
The Prayer For Detachment stopped
me. It was a little like hitting a brick wall.
"Remove anything that makes me unworthy of your sight, your control,
your reprehension, of your speech and conversation, of your benevolence
and love."
That translates into: Remove anything that makes me not worth looking
at, not worth taking charge of, not worth punishing or speaking to or
speaking with, not worth your good wishes and not worth knowing, understanding,
accepting and being involved with in any way at all.
"not worth looking at" means I want my God to remove whatever would
make me completely disgusting.
"not worth taking charge of" means I want God to remove whatever would
prevent God from saving me from destruction - as God so often does.
"not worth punishing" means I want God to remove what makes me God's
child
"or speaking to or speaking with" means I want God to remove anything
that would prevent my receiving the little (or big) nudges God gives
me so often.
Here's where I hit the brick wall. God made me to know, love and
serve God; to be happy with God here and in heaven. God also made
me to know, to love and to serve. In fact, Paul says nothing will
ever separate us from the Love of God. Thank You, God, for brick walls.
Brick walls sometimes force us to reflect again on just why it's all
worth Your while. Week 18
It has been a struggle during this week 18, "three ways of responses". I am so filled with
mixed thoughts, truly the gravitational pull is very much at work in
my life. I do want to follow God's will, but when my focus becomes
on my self will, instead of focusing on Christ, I fall into patterns
that depress, and humiliate me.
It seems that I need to keep my mind on God's being present with me
in my struggles, that will allow me to keep focused on truly living
that costly discipleship that I believe is needed in my response.
I have failed so many times, and I realize that I turn my back on God
each time I respond in a deliberately defensive mode. I beg for
the grace to respond to others as He wants me to , with compassion,
understanding, and less protectiveness of my self will. The one
thing that I should keep in mind is , how am I serving God, in my interactions,
and daily life? Is this for God ? or is this to defend or protect
myself interest.
I beg for the grace to look always to God , in all circumstances ,to
realize that everything can lead me closer to Him if I give it
to Him to transform me. I am in need of transformation, to keep
the prize of eternal life always before me , to want only to please
,love , and give him praise.
I am feeling that He understands me, but I do not understand me ...
a very hard week. Thanks for all of the readings and prayers.
This is a period of questioning how I can say I love God , but fail
so often to trust, and live each day a worthy life .
As I near the end of week 18,
I must say again how perfect God’s timing is. The focus this week
on Jesus’s baptism and my response to His call fits so well with
the readings for Mass this week. All call for courage in the face of
opposition, and my life is in just such a position now. I need His grace
to see me through, and my fear still holds me back. So far I’ve
come, so much further I have yet to go. Lord, help me. You know how
weak I am. Strengthen me, give me courage. I ache to do Your will, yet
struggle. I feel like such a failure right now. How can I profess a
faith at the same time knowing such fear? As a little girl’s father
said in Scripture, “Lord, I do believe. Strengthen me in my unbelief.”
Week 18. Though this is
only the first day of the week for me, I find this week amazing in several
ways. First, it reminds me of how far I have yet to travel to become
the person I believe Christ has called me to be. I know in my heart
that I have come a long way since starting this retreat, yet fear remains
with me. Second, the introductory sections for the week echo my life
and my fears with remarkable accuracy. I so easily see myself on the
shore watching Jesus’s baptism and wanting so to follow Him yet
being so afraid to ‘take the plunge.’ Finally, I am at a
crossroads in my life. There are several roads to choose from, and the
one I am now on, which appeared so ‘safe’ just a short time
ago is uncertain now. I pray for the wisdom to accept what Christ
wills for me, and ask all of those on this retreat to pray for me also.
As I have written at least once before, “Here am I Lord, I long
to do Your will. Give me the strength and courage to do so.”
Week 18. Hard to believe
I am already half way through this retreat. The broken record in me
about God’s timing again hits this week. With changes in my life
at this time it is perfect for slowing down for a little reflection
on the ‘first half’ and especially for seeking the grace
to accept what God allows. I was surprised and relieved when I read
the three response types Ignatius described concerning the resolutions
we make. I know that in the past I have employed the first two, usually
just doing nothing but often justifying my decision. I fully expected
the third option would involve changing what I was doing. It was such
a relief to learn that it instead involves opening myself to accept
whatever comes. I must, of course, remain faithful and prayerful in
choosing courses of action, but the key is that the major “action”
I am asked to make is acceptance. I pray for that grace.
During the 18th week, I experinced
how difficult it is to leave the natural laws of personal gravity and
live more in keeping with the freedoms which Jesus offers. I have longed
for being free before the attachtment and tried to be free. But at church
meeting, I realized that I was never free after I excused loudly about
the things that I had been responsible for. Even though the reason I
am engaged in church activities is to serve God, I found I didn't get
rid of my own self- absored pattern at all. And I realized all I have
to desire to is only a grace from God. Now I can really speak '' My
life is in God's hands." Frankly speaking, until now I was too stubborn
to hear the way of Jesues' life
I have started out on week 18.
I am not a very persistent person. I read the themes of the week.
I think I understand them. Sometimes I do and that week really
grabs me. then I tail off and enter the next week half heartedly.
I know that I am not doing as well as I should because my early enthusiasm
has waned. And yet there is so much good to be found here.
I do squander the treasures that God showers on me. Perhaps I
should take myself away physically from my surroundings so that I can
concentrate. But I cannot justify it. How can I leave my
wife and family for a week or so in a retreat house? I should
not need to do that because it is all here in this site - the careful
reflections from Fr. Gillick - the sharings - the readings - the guideposts
- everything. I do believe in the power of prayer so I earnestly
beg all of you to pray for me. And may God bless you all
I am starting week 18 of the retreat
and am being challenged to look at the rationalization and self will
in my life. I am hearing that call to trust God more deeply.
I have a sense that that God is calling me to confirm my life more closely
with His will for me and I am both attracted to this calling and resistent
to it. I fear what He may ask me to give up, but I know from past
experience, that He always replaces what He asks me to give up with
something far better. He asked me to give up my need to always
be right in my relationship with my husband and has given me the wonderful
intimate marriage that I could only dream about a few years back.
When I gave up trying to control my daughter and her drug usage, she
has completely turned her life around and has become a source of great
joy in my life. With so many examples of God's way being so right
for me, why do I still resist this call to conform my will to His?
I am asking Him for the willingness to trust him more and I as for your
prayers, by fellow travelers. May God bless each of you and may
this be a fruitful week for all of us as we continue our journey on
this retreat.
I am on my week 18 with this retreat.
Until now my mind is still on the reflections on the nativity scene.
I am learning to embrace my humanity and accepting my shadows without
neglecting the light. I am drawn to reflect more on what is God doing
in my life at this point and gently accepts whatver comes. This is quite
difficult for me, for I always want to be in control. I realized sometimes
that even in my prayer that I want to control certain events in my life.
I am finding it difficult to let go and let God control my life. I rationalize
my attachment to my money, I do not have much, that's why I have be
selfish and I find myself refusing to help others financially. The
retreat is helping me lot and on this week (18), I'm quite nervous on
what to let go to attain that kind of freedom that Jesus had. It's a
tall order for me. I am at a lost on what to do with my life. I lost
my direction and my sense of purpose. This is not the life that I dreamed
of. Please pray for me.
I am in the eighteenth week of this
retreat and I am writing in response to the first item in the August
25 posting. I know about emptiness and the blank wall, which I
first discovered almost fifteen years ago. It took me a long time
to get as much distance from the that emptiness as I now have -- years.
But I have not yet learned how to pray for someone else. Even
the great mystics seem to use prayer as a way of centering themselves
rather than as a way of centering someone else. I wish I could
teach someone how to pray for themselves -- I just don't know how.
But the retreat is a really good place to start, and a really good place
to establish the discipline of regular prayer. Hope I can keep
it up during the academic term. Perhaps you will try to pray for
me in this regard and together we will each discover something new about
lives with Jesus at their center.
Week 19
WEEK 19: I have had to rekindle my flame after week 18- my review of my life (again) and some of the moments I am not so proud of - finally I can separate the persona I wish to put out to others and the self that is real and that God sees- I now feel that He will grant mercy to my real self , if only I can do the same- progress. Finally , trying to follow Jesus is not about doing good- it is about doing His Father's will. I was always one who wanted to be seen as doing good and being right. there is a real difference in motivation.
DETACHMENT- I have read much about this and felt that this is way beyond me. But he suggestion that I simply identify the things in my life that seem too important and ask God for the grace to not give them up but to be free enough from them that I hear His wishes for me.
Week 19: This week I can see my challenge more clearly. I continue to see Jesus leaving home as he did many times to head for a job. Today, I imagine he had no specific place to be or appointment to keep. He had his tools with him and would stop to ask landowners about work. He stopped at the river. He knew John had been baptizing. He had been aware of John's preaching in the desert. He knew that John had disappointed his parents because he did not live in the manner of a man of his status. He listened and decided to be baptized. He left his tools on the river bank intending to return to pick them up. As he approached John, Jesus wondered why John started saying that he was not worthy to baptize Jesus. He kept walking toward John, trusted him, and as Jesus was baptized it all "came together." What Joseph had told him about his dreams. What Mary had told him about her dreams and what Elizabeth had told Mary about her baby John in her womb. Mary had told Jesus about the comments at the temple when he was circumcised. Jesus understood more about why he told Mary and Joseph in the temple - that he must do his father's business. It all "came together." Jesus saw Isaiah 42:1-4 in a new light when he heard "You are my son." John and the others heard, "This is my son."Jesus never turned back. He did not return to pick up his tools. He did not return home to say goodbye to Mary. He understood that his vocation was changed forever. He became aware that he would no longer work as an experienced carpenter. His vocation was to do his Father's work as Jesus knew it from the scriptures, and what he had experienced during his 30 years. The Psalms and other scriptures became very clear to him. He did not ask, "What will happen to me, to my mother, to my brothers and sisters." He went about doing the work his Father called him to do. He could not put a name on his new vocation - just like he could not put a name on John's vocation. He left the river bank with Psalm 116:13 on his lips, "I will raise the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD."This is my challenge-Joe
Week 19 God called you, Jesus, to become one with us (an outlandish
request) and it all started at the Jordan. You, the son of God, entered
the waters of the Jordan, were submerged and momentarily made helpless;
you joined us humans in our struggle against our fallen nature. What
can I say? You are the most! THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE!
Week 19 I had a very strong image early in the week about Jesus getting
ready to leave on his mission. I don't think it unreasonable to think
that Joseph has passed away and so Mary is a widow. Mary would then
have been dependent on Jesus for support. I imagine that Joseph died
when Jesus is around 15 so for the last 15 years he has suppported her.
I imagine that from time to time he went into the desert to pray and
meet up with other spiritual masters. Probably he meets up with John
the Baptist on these trips. Over these years his sense of who he is
and where he must go grows. He saturates himself with the prophets and
understands clearly his messianic mission. But leaving others who are
dependent on him is tremendously difficult. He has worked well and in
Nazereth he is surrounded by relations. So finally, he understands what
he must do and makes provision for Mary to find support within his larger
family. Recall that even on the Cross, looking after his mother is a
key concern. So as he walks away he does so with real resolution and
clarity that he does not have to look back. Mary looks after him fondly.
Of course, she cannot really let him go and we know that from time to
time she met up and was present with him and his disciples.
And what does that mean for me? I recall that for many years at my previous
job I justified staying around because I had to take care of my family
because of the investment I had made in the firm. I challenged myself
that maybe this was a cop out. But I see that the Lord really understood.
The family are now taken care of. My next steps on the journey have
probably not been as resolute but now I am on the "mission journey".
May my destination be clearly guided by the Lord.
Week
19: Praying baptism (the recommended scriptures) this Christmas
week, the words that best describe the space I entered are words of
Henri Nouwen: "downward mobility”. As I enter my 60th year,
I live alone, I am no longer a consumer, I did not have my grown children
and grandchildren with me this year, and I spent time with my brothers
and their families. Families are never as depicted in Christmas television
ads.
I am in a space that is completely counter-cultural to the upward mobility
of the surrounding consumer culture so blatant this holiday season.
Looking back at the evening Christmas Mass I attended, I saw the church
were I was as “the stable” where Christ was born –
hidden away from the inn(the mall). The birth of our wonderful God in
a stable has become a hidden event in our culture…it happens secretly
in the silence when the mall closes, sending us home.
-- Anita
I just finished
reading week 19 (although for me, it should be week
25), all of the readings and reflections. I am a person who has to be
in control of everything, and the thought of "dropping everything
and following Jesus" makes
me feel as if I would lose control, meaning that I would let go of all
of those things familiar to me and follow Jesus into the unknown. I'm
at a point in my life where my faith is a little shaky, and my friends
and family are stable to me. The image I have of the Baptism is me sitting
on a bank, under the shade, kind of far away. I'm just watching all
that is going on and wondering what the commotion is all about. I'm
a little nervous to go to the front of the crowd because I don't want
to be noticed and singled out in front of all of these people, or be
called upon to participate in something that I know nothing about. I
know that I would be fine once I talked to Jesus and others, but it's
making that first step that makes me nervous.
Week 19: Lord, I think of
you leaving home for your mission. Yes I share with you many of the
emotions you must feel. I’ve made that leaving now … several
times … and I will be sharing these feelings again as I go on
my way to a new ministry.You come to the Jordan and you see the crowds.
Many times in your preparation you have come this way. You have been
attracted to the spirituality of these desert groups. Now you see John
and what he is creating. People are coming from all over to be baptized.
You want to be one with them. You see their deep sincerity to be whole
again and you want to be one with them.So you enter the water and John
first of all looks confused … it’s not routine as before
although always he works sincerely … you motion to John to continue
and as you come out of the water there is a new determination in your
face. Yes you are determined but also relaxed … happy to be doing
what you are doing. You now understand all the preparation that you
have been doing to this point. Mary and Joseph’s teaching, your
dialog with teachers, your conversations with friends, your reflections
on scriptures, your prayers … these all now make sense …
you are God’s son and only for Him will you devote your life.Then
I see you motion me. Why do I feel reluctance to follow you? Is it because
I am content with where I am now … seeing and realizing what this
moment means … being intellectually satisfied? Or is it because
I do not feel worthy to take this step? I’m not really as fine
a person as you think, Jesus. But he motions further. He puts his arms
on my shoulders and tells me that he knows me. He accepts me. He wants
me to continue to follow him. He will be with me … even at those
times when I might not realize that nor even want him. He will be faithful.
I take the step forward and as I emerge from the water still with his
arms on me I realize that these arms have been holding me for a long
time. I can relax … comfortable in the knowledge that my purpose
is to praise God the Father, revere Him, and follow Jesus. I may not
have as confident appearance as Jesus but I resolve to be faithful and
continue to learn from Him.May God be praised.
Week 19. Jesus leaves home and is baptized.
But Jesus left home once before. When He was 12 He left His parents
to be about His Father's business. He went home though. It wasn't His
time. He wasn't ready but He was so eager. At that time Mary and Joseph
worried about Him. Now He was being baptized. I can imagine how Mary
felt. As a mother, I wait for the day that I can say my children are
ready to leave home, and I will help them, knowing that I have done
all I could do. Two have already left, and two are still home. They
knew when they had to go. They were restless and knew that they were
ready to try to live their own life. Although it is not spoken, they
go out to search and do what they were born to do. It must be a maternal
instinct to hold onto children until that time comes. It is with mixed
feelings that we let them go. We acknowledge and are proud that they
can go out on their own, but we are also fearful for them because of
what can be ahead. Mary soon showed her confidence. At the wedding at
Cana she was the one who encouraged Jesus to perform His first miracle.
Did she already know His place was to serve others? She too must have
been prepared for this time of setting out. She too had to be brave
and trust in God.
greetings to you all. ' to go somewhere different
- you will have to take an entrance you have never used before ".
i read that this week and spent most of the week figuratively sitting
on the bank of the river jordan with my back against a tree. watching
the baptisms and contemplating. it was a very pleasant week but i had
trouble rousing myself to go down to the water. where i think the dirt
of the road would be washed from me and i would be shown an entrance
into the next stage of my life which i have never used before.
when i did go down - my eyes on john and jesus i was surprised to encounter
many of the people from my life - my mum and dad and my dear friend
roger who passed on a few years ago. various people i have known in
other times and other places and then some people ive not yet met. all
ready to be baptised into the next stage of their mission.
when i emerged from the water - i came out into colour and a sense of
perfumes and dancing and jewellery which are things which dont feature
on a grand scale in my life. but i came out into celebration and colour
and honour.
and then i sensed that i was being sent back up my hill. this was the
same feeling as with the nativity. that my part of the mission at this
time was to STAY where i was. and keep the light burning. at most times
in my life i have been called away with neither robe nor sandals.
but once again - i am staying put. i could feel the christ smiling on
me. and the restfulness of being the elderwoman able to stay on the
bank of the river for a time and watch the seekers come. and direct
them and tell them about what i have seen. as a recovering image this
sits very well with me.
so here i am. washed clean and blessed again. to this work which lacks
much of the drama of other times and leaves me alone a good deal and
has me restless but which is bringing me a quiet background peace when
i accept what seems to be the mission i have been given for now.
my love to you all
Nell from the Tweed- Week 19
I cannot imagine that when Jesus left home
to be baptized by John that it was a scene of any great drama. Departure
seems the norm for Jesus. At the Annunciation, he leaves the glories
of heaven behind to be enfleshed in the womb of Mary. How does Mary
respond? She leaves her home in haste to help her cousin, Elizabeth.
Jesus is born a stranger in the stable; he is taken to Jerusalem to
be presented at the temple; he flees Herod’s slaughter of the
innocents; he returns from Egypt to Nazareth; he goes to Jerusalem every
year with his parents; as a youth, he stays behind in the temple unknown
to his parents. All the JOYFUL mysteries of the rosary speak of departure,
separation. So when Jesus left Mary that day, I imagine she was her
joyful self, watching him go again, serene. And
Jesus is just going again, as he always does. Perhaps it seems that
he is off to another carpentry job that day. Jesus, being God, can hardly
be surprised to see his cousin John in the water, but again, there is
joy on his face as he sees this man he loves who so splendidly does
the will of God. And so Jesus is happy to submit to him, despite John’s
protests. John is joyful to see his cousin too, but his joy bears with
it the weariness of being merely human. He has, after all, been standing
in the brown waters of the Jordan day after day. Jesus,
under water, holds his breath. Jesus,
emerging from the water, embraces John with joy, nearly knocks him off
his feet. They both almost laugh, but their joy is solemn, too. The dove descends
and the voice of his father is heard, but Jesus has known these things
all along. They are signs for everyone else, not for him. So he walks
away wet, wondering if he should go home to change or just let the sun
of his walking dry his clothes. Week 19-- Tom, Pennsylvania
I contemplated Jesus leaving home for His
ministry and baptism. I see that this is a time He has really prepared
for. I like to think that He and John have had some encounters before.
Of course, He is settled in Nazareth and the older we get the more difficult
it is to move on. He has become somewhat of a fixture in the village.
No one has really noticed except Mary His mother that He has grown spiritually
and changed.
I am drawn to think of Jesus setting out on His journey and wonder about
him contempating the cross. Part of that is because when I think of
the different transitions and journeys I have taken I have always encountered
dark moments that cloud the anticipation I had desired at the onset.
Despite this I have been graced in all these transitons. But I wonder
if Jesus contemplates the Cross. Then I wonder if He more likely contemplates
the resurrection. Walking with Him as He sees His ministry emerge in
that light gives me encouragement and hope.
I wasn't feeling too well for parts of this wee and in a mood of some
tiredness I watched Jesus's baptism. I like the image of light that
emerges in this story. I thought of this last Friday after the rains
cleared. Maybe it didn't happen quite like that on the Jordan when the
clouds parted but from a mental and emotional point of view Jesus obtains
a new clarity which shines around Him and infects everyone. But personally
I am restless. One part of me wants to enter the water with Jesus. But
I am really looking for immediate clarity as I emerge from the water.
That clarity is probably self-serving. I want another position ... or
my dreams of what I want to accomplish to be immediately apparent. When
this doesn't happen I wallow in self-pity. I am more in need of Jesus's
touch of renewal and of taking time to find balance as Jesus does in
today's Gospel. With Jesus I recall that baptism is just the beginning
of a journey. I ask for the grace of renewal to continue on the journey.
Week 19: This week entering
the Jordan River with Jesus helps remind me to refocus on my own baptism.
I joined the Catholic Church during Easter Vigil in 1998 and received
Baptism, Confirmation and Eucharist for the first time along with my
husband and two children. I was searching at that time to know where
and who God was, as this kept resurfacing in my mind after the death
of my mother-in-law and several other trials. I remember however saying
"yes" to Jesus to whatever path he chose for me. It was during
the "laying of hands" that I first felt the real presence of God in my life. I felt "peace"
and "freedom" for the first time. I had longed for peace for
many yrs. after having been sexually abused as a teenager (incest) and
it takes time to be healed from some emotional areas of feeling rooted
in shame, etc. (And over time we can be attracted to many bad habits
as a result.) This particular evening Jesus said, "Come follow
Me, and I will Give you Peace". Like Mary, when the angel Gabriel
spoke to her, I pondered for several weeks, over these words. However,
everything I was doing and saying in my life began to change. I began
teaching Sunday School, singing in the church choir, being a lector,
and I wanted to know more about this new love I had for God and soon
found myself beginning to leave myself behind and caring for others
needs. Also, I felt a call to study and graduated from a Canadian University
in
2001 with a Diploma in Ministry. Since all this, I have been wandering
around in the desert for the past few months. But, I have learned the
need to need others after having lost my employment and I experienced
poverty in a real sense. On several occasions not knowing where the
next meal would come from has enabled me to put my complete trust in
God again and our God does provide us with our needs according to his
riches for us. (Phil. 4:19) Also, I've learned that our happiness doesn't
come from our careers, or materialism or people. And I'm starting to
enjoy this more relaxed, simplier life that Jesus offers us. I started
this retreat two yrs. ago and never completed it, but came back after
an invitation from a friend. I pray for the courage to say "yes"
once again to Jesus's calling and rid myself of the need to be in control,
pride, fear, ego, selfishness, self-centeredness, etc., and/or anything
else that prevents me from receiving the love that God wants to freely
give me. I have enjoyed the sharing of others. Thank You. Let's continue
to pray for each other during this special time of Lent.
Throughout Week 19 of the
Retreat, I had a continual sense that Jesus had this deep knowing that
compelled him through all his actions of leaving home, heading to the
Jordan, and being baptized. He just felt with all his being that
this was what he had to do and everything was going to be alright as
he did it. This culminated in that deep inner joy, peace, exuberance,
and contentment that I imagine he felt as he came out of the water and
heard the message of his Father.
Week 19 As I imagine the
near thirty old, Jesus, I see a beautiful strong man ; working, laughing
, loving his life at home with his family and friends in the town of
Nazareth. He must have grown in wisdom before the Lord, taking
in the love of Mary, Joseph, absorbing the Torah, seeking quiet to reflect
on His persistent and growing desire to respond to His heavenly Father
. It must have been a process, not a sudden one day saying "Well I'm
off.."
He must have known that His love and awareness of His time had come.
He no longer could contain His longing to heal and save His people...but
He might have torn feelings of how to say goodbye to the mother who
knew Him better than anyone on earth.
He must have felt anticipation to begin His mission, but sorrow that
He had to surrender so much to attend the call, the very reason for
His birth. The parting must have been tearful, and bittersweet ;wanting
to begin His mission, but longing to protect His mother from the hurt
she would experience.
I imagine a fond farewell to a few of his closest friends,and a word
of encouragement to them, that he would return...he would see them again,
but in the meantime please look out for His mother.
Mary must have held Him in a tender ,but strong embrace to assure Him
that she would be alright,even though her heart was breaking;tears fell
,but she did not cling,she did not protest.
Some people in the town were critical of Jesus, wondering who did He
think he was to leave. How could He leave Mary? Did he not
care for them? While others wished Him well, no one could possibly understand
what He was about to begin.
So much to think about this week. Thanks for guiding me
through the beginning questions about Jesus beginning his journey to
the Jordan. It has allowed me to appreciate another side of Jesus
that I never thought about too much before.
Reading the “In these and
Similar Words” for the Baptism of Christ, I was made uncomfortable
because it was not my image of Christ’s baptism. It is always
puzzling to see someone else’s personal image of Christ when it
is dissimilar to my own. For some unexplained reason, I expect us to
all see Christ in the exact same way. Usually when I have this experience
of doubt, I get over the fear and I am able to see a new aspect of the
Lord because of that other person’s view. I gain a larger picture
of Christ and of God. The “In these and Similar Words” focuses
on the communal aspects of the Baptism. By entering the scene, the contemplator,
talked and interacted with Christ. I,
on the other hand, focused on the solemn side of the events. I was not
granted the gift of entering the event. As an observer, I saw a man
alone as he walked from his mother. He made a personal decision to leave
his mother and to step into the waters of his public ministry. He walked
away from the baptism alone, to be alone in the desert and to soak in
the baptism. As he walks away from the Baptism he probably had some
notion that this may be the last time on earth he can savor being be
alone with God. From this point forward he will have little time alone
with God because he will seek out and be sought out by all of humanity.
And while he may be lonely, he will seldom alone after the time in the
desert.I also focused on another point. I was moved when the Father
confirms Christ’s baptism with words from heaven. There are many
instances in the Old Testament where God speaks with a calling, confirmation,
command or acclamation of covenant. There are not as many in the New
Testament and this one seems special. In this instance when God speaks,
it is like a recreation. At Jesus’ baptism, it is as if the world
was born again in preparation of the confirmation of the Holy Spirit
on Pentecost. His baptism is like the “let there be light”
that proceeds God final affirmation that “it was good.”
You were baptized in the waters of the River Jordan,
and became our Living Water.
Your first miracle was
to change water into wine,
at the wedding feast at Cana.
You walked on the waters
of the Sea of Galilee,
to give us faith.
You washed the feet of
your apostles,
to show us humility.
You washed Your Hands,
to give us Your Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity,
in the Most Holy Eucharist.
From the Cross, blood
and water flowed from Your side,
to show us Your Love and Mercy.
And You were washed and
prepared for burial,
after You died on the Cross for us.
Thank You Jesus
I have been following the retreat with the liturgical
year, but week 19 has really stuck with me. The image of Jesus coming
up out of the water after being baptized, shaking his head and laughing
out of pure joy helped me realize just how human He really was. I had
been praying so intensely to Jesus and through Mary and several of the
saints that my daughter and her fiancée would be married in the
church. This had been going on for several weeks. During week 19 she
called and said everything was falling into place and they would be
married within the good graces of the church. I got down on my knees
and thanked all to whom I invoked help and especially to Jesus and the
Holy Spirit. When I went to sleep that night, in the state before falling
asleep, I had a vision. The saints, along with Jesus and Mary were laughing,
dancing, and celebrating. They had brought a young couple closer to
God and were in complete joy. We sometimes forget just how human they
all were and they do understand our problems and needs. Thank-you to
those who put this retreat together for the rest of us. You are doing
great things and touching many hearts.
I am in the 19th week of this retreat.
I know that everyone on this retreat is very busy and deeply involved
with personal reconciliation. I can only pray that each of you
on this retreat will join me and lead otheres in the daily repetition
of the Office Prayers of Saint Rose of Lima (August 30) for Lori Berenson,
still imprisoned in Peru. May we all pray that Christ will enter
her heart and soul and that through this she may establish her case
for pardon and be reunited with her family in the United States.
The guides (week 19) have been so helpful
in contemplating the life, and especially baptism, of Jesus. It
is truly a grace to have found this online retreat, and the many treasures
that lie there.
As I imagined Jesus leaving the well-known
and comfortable routine of life in Nazareth, I could certainly relate!
After I retired from my job as a pastoral minister -- which was in itself
a miracle job! -- I was led by the Spirit into working with children
who need a neutral advocate in situations such as abuse, divorce, chemical
dependency -- get the picture?
For a farm-wife with a comparatively healthy family
background to become immersed in a world that I had previously only
glimpsed on TV was about as great a change as anyone could imagine.
There are situations in which I can only be amazed at the goodness of
God who sends caring social workers, attorneys and others who work in
the court system, as well as therapists and counsellors who help the
victims learn to survive and even thrive. How humbling to have
placed myself in God's hands and in turn find others placing themselves
in my hands. Only with God's help can I manage to continue, believing
that there is a powerful source of Love who is constantly using us to
bring good out of evil. May all we do give praise to the Holy
One.
I returned to my online retreat today (19) because I experienced such a wonderful closeness this afternoon as I
gave blessings of the throat to people of my community. In praying with
each of the people I felt like I was saying yes to following Jesus acknowledging
that we rely on the intercession, love and call of God to do anything
worthy in our lives and to have the continued health to do what he asks.
I wanted each person to be strong and healthy to be a disciple of God,
to do his work. So when I returned to the retreat today and it
spoke of the nourishment that we would receive in each opportunity to
serve and choose service over self, I am moved to ask for the grace
to hear the call to follow him and find the opportunity to choose to
give as he has given to me, forgive as he has forgiven me. I ask for
that grace to finally take me where I want and need to go. Bind my hands
with the belt and take me where I do not seem to want to go alone. Blessed
be God who loves me more than I ever imagined.
I think one of the most beautiful things
about the Baptism of Jesus (19), and probably something of immense
importance to him in facing his temptations, was the affirmation of
him given by the Father ("This is My beloved Son in whom I am well pleased.")
I believe it was the Father's affirmation of his belovedness which Jesus
held onto during his temptations. That was the source of his strength
to resist. I believe that it is when we truly believe in and accept
our belovedness by the Father (and Jesus and Holy Spirit) that we can
truly find the strength to better resist temptation to be unloving and
also to give us strength, hope and desire to be more loving to others.
I'm living week 19 and identifying with
the retreat section "In These or Similar Words." I want so much
to be close to Jesus and yet I find that I always stop short. I'm always
creating a space so I can't get too close. I usually just attribute
it to the fact that I am so unworthy and yet now I realize that something
else is holding me back. I'm afraid of following. I'm afraid
of succeeding and afraid of failing. I'm too afraid of what it would
mean for me to truly follow Jesus. Once again I find that my focuse
has changed to how I look, and what people would say about me. Why can't
I keep the focuse on Jesus? Why is it so hard to give Jesus my
life? I offer my life quite often and then without notice I take it
back. "Help me, Lord, to see what I need to do to truly follow you without
getting sidetracked. I love you so much and know that as long
as my eyes and heart are set on you, I'm fine. But the minute
I begin to deviate from your path I get incredibly lost. When you look
into my eyes and heart I feel overwhelmed, safe,free, and empowered
by your love. I want to live in your gaze and learn to look only to
you. When I turn to you I find the strength and courage to do your work,
build your kingdom, and give you the glory. Help me to stay close. Please
pray for me. I will pray for you...
It is the 19th week of the retreat
which has taken me more like 22-23 weeks. My less than perfect journey
has nonetheless brought me more peace, excitement, nervous energy but
in a more positive way. I feel the grace move in my life in the honesty
and ability to reflect on the here and now. To be in the moment with
more honesty and more focus on wanting to be more who I am and more
deeply wanting to follow Christ, than focusing on issues that are surrounded
with negativity and death of the spirit. In small ways I am feeling
the light of the spirit in my life each day and am able to follow it.
In the conversations, interactions, actions. I am still afraid
of being incapable of doing well what God may ask of me in following
him but more open to the reality that he will not give me more than
I can handle albeit with discomfort, pain, failure along with having
the feeling that I am doing what he would have me do as he needs it
to be done. He has worked that way before in my life and I am not sure
I did what I was supposed to do but it seems that there is a pattern
in my life of being put into difficult situations to set them back on
track, to stand by those who are maligned unfairly, to be maligned for
standing up. And yet through it all I have not been harmed by my "enemies"
or those who would harm me. Even though I am sinful and weak and take
three steps back for every step forward. I long for a closeness that
I fear and feel unworthy of. I believe I will receive the grace I need
to find my way in the darkness as I am called to leave the familiar
and undertake the anointing I received in baptism once again or more
deeply. I am ready to go but not sure if I will hear or recognize the
call. I pray for that grace this week. To know where the work is in
the vineyard and what labors are mine. My skills are so scattered and
unfocused, in this world of specialization. Where does a woman
for all seasons serve? Lord show me the way.
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