Week 20
Week 20: Week 20 ends and I feel closer to Jesus than ever. I think about him in the desert frequently. Letting temptations go is difficult for me. This week I can see Jesus alone, sweating, hungry, thirsty, sun burned, wind swept, dirty, weak, almost to complete heat stroke and yet he says no. I pray for that freedom to do the same. Jesus the man heard God’s word and decided to carry out God’s mission for him – wherever that led. The grace this week has been to sin less often. Thank you, God. Thank you, retreat presenters. Thank you, all you that are praying for each the success of each retreat person. -Joe
Week
20 Temptation is everywhere, and it's so hard to recognize.
Sometimes things just fly out of my mouth and I think oh my gosh why
did I say that without even thinking! Even my friends have said I've
never you heard you say that, or you've never done that...After contemplating
on this weeks exercise, I've asked Jesus to be my advisor, sometimes
I have to ask all day long because of all the decisions I have to make
in my job and personal life, and to help me recognize him in those decisions.
When I picture Jesus in the desert so hungry and fighting off the temptation
to turn stones into bread, I just melt, I'm just filled with so much
love and awe and wonder at how he lived the way he did, and when did
he know what he was called to do? Was it without questioning why or
wanting to know what his future was or did he already know that? I would
love to live my life as he did, for His Glory not mine. Peace, -- Patti
It is Sunday
afternoon and week 20 has ended. My reflection this
past week brought me to the awareness that Jesus was tempted to become
like the rest of humanity; sinful. I've been tempted throughout my life
to give in to the attractions of pleasure, power, popularity and was
willing to sin to realize the anticipated outcome. I guess I knew that
Jesus was tempted similarly but he didn't give in. The anguished remorse
that he comes to feel as a result of sin is due to my sins not his.
Temptation is mass marketed; sexuality, expensive things, a lavish lifestyle
are packaged for all to seek. Attainment is the reward for idolatry.
We can only gain what we focus upon.
The gospel today was Matthew Chapter 5, the Beatitudes. Jesus teaches
that we will attain 'blessed' happiness by focusing on the attributes
associated with the kingdom of heaven. This focus is away from idolatry
and toward eternity. Whatever measure of pleasure, power, and popularity
one experiences, there is still something missing, something more to
desire. Somehow when I experience some awareness of the kingdom of heaven
through the presence of Jesus in the sacraments there does not seem
to be anything missing. I rely on Jesus through the sacraments, the
scripture, and the community of believers, my fellow retreatants to
encourage me to keep my focus on the Lord of Heaven.
Thanks, you are all in my prayers.
-- Roger
Week 20: I have never fully contemplated Jesus’
temptation in the desert. I have always tended to dismiss it as “of
course He resisted, He’s God!” But when I fully embrace
Jesus’ humanity - that he was truly a human who chose to follow
God’s plan, his resistance to these temptations bear more thought. Even then, I find myself running through a simple scenario; Jesus
goes into the desert and doesn’t eat for a while. Then the devil
shows up in a cloud of sulfurous smoke, with horns, a pitchfork and
spiked tail. His voice hisses with evil as he suggests that Jesus
make himself some dinner, jump off the roof, or gain power over the
kingdoms of earth. For a man who is close to God and understands his
destiny, this also seems pretty easy to resist.My struggle is that this is not a good model for the temptations
in our own life. If the devil showed up in the house, reeking of evil
and offering cash if I just kiss his ring – I think even I could
resist that. In my mind, that’s the movie version – the
Lord of the Rings where the good team is pretty and the bad team is
ugly and so obviously evil.But my struggles with evil are more subtle and insidious, so why
shouldn’t Jesus’ be? So, I imagine Jesus’ temptation in a more personal way. I believe
that Jesus knew his mission, and had a good idea of how it would end.
He knew he was going to die, and that it wasn’t going to be
pleasant, but he also knew it was what God wanted. He may not have
known every detail, but he knew enough.He went into the desert to prepare himself, practice his self-discipline
and to speak to God. He knew he would only please God by following
his plan, and needed to clear his mind and body to ensure alignment
with God’s will. He fasted to add stress, to test his will and
to clear his mind so he could speak to God. After 40 days of fasting
and praying, he had to be physically weak and hungry beyond our capability
to imagine. During this time, maybe experiencing some trepidation as what was
to come, maybe hoping that he was misunderstanding what God was asking
of him, he had a visitor. A lovely young woman traveling through the
desert came upon him and began to speak with him. She was kind and
gentle and seemed concerned about him. “You’ve been out here too long, you are nothing but skin
and bones - sunburned, dirty and tired. Let me help you.” She
offers him some water, and sets up a shelter to give him some shade.
She speaks about her journey and asks what he is doing out here.As a human, I can see Jesus thinking, “she seems so harmless;
surely it is odd that a woman like this is visiting and offering to
help during this time. Maybe God has allowed this to happen –
it has been over a month of fasting and praying, maybe I’m to
get a little kindness before I set out on my mission”.She begins to prepare a meal, seemingly out of nowhere, and with
a variety and richness beyond what anyone could possibly carry into
the desert. Fruits, berries, roasted meat, bread, and wine that smells
as pure as the wine from Cana. She asks him what he’d like,
but he refuses. She says “look at this spread, these are all God’s creations,
God put these things on the earth for man to consume – remember
what he said to Adam about dominion over the plants and animals? Do
you really think that I just happened upon you, that is was mere chance
that I show up with all this? Merely say the word and these rocks
will turn to bread and more, and you will have your fill. Then you
will have the energy and stamina you need to begin your mission. You
will need more energy than you have now in order to convert the world.”In my mind, it is much harder to identify the evil in this scenario,
much less make the decision that Jesus did. This is the kind of temptation
that we see today, it is subtle, and often seems good, just or fair
– but it is evil all the same.Jesus is able to identify the evil. Did he know it immediately and
just play along, or did he find himself reaching for the food before
he saw the truth? Either way, he dismissed the temptation…. To me, the third temptation has the most potential for failure….Same setup, Jesus is tired and hungry, preparing for his mission.
The devil waits for the optimum moment of weakness and again, pays
a visit.Another pleasant person, a healthy, smooth-talking man with high
energy and vitality arrives to speak with him. He says he knows of
Jesus plan, and what he has been called to do. He describes the future
in great detail, the calling of the Apostles, healing of the sick
and the surge of followers and converts to the New Covenant. Then he begins to speak of Jesus’ torture and death. He is
able to create ‘word pictures’ such that Jesus is transfixed
on the words and is mentally transported into the scene. He almost
feels the pain, the humility and the frustration that is to come.
It is not only the physical pain, but the unjust nature of what he
is experiencing – would God really ask me to do this?Then the visitor shows Jesus the future. “You have gone through
all that, physical pain and torture beyond imaging, but you know you
are saving the world, so it is worth it. You are able to keep your
eyes on the ultimate prize. Let me show you what happens after you
leave”.At this point the picture changes to shortly after Jesus death. The
devil continues to weave his story and Jesus sees his disciples spreading
the word. The world is being converted and Jesus begins to feel the
pride of his accomplishment. It was all worthwhile, God’s people
are saved!Then the devil begins to spin the story farther into the future.
He begins to describe for Jesus what the present day world is like.
He shows babies being aborted, some of them after they’re born.
He shows rampant pornography, murder and rape, child abuse and the
evil perpetrated by those in power. He shows priests abusing children
and the prevalence of rot and decay in our world.Then he asks Jesus– “is that what you intended? It sure
seems like you’ve gone through so much pain and suffering to
save your people, and look what they do with it? There has to be a
better way.”The devil transports Jesus to a mountaintop and shows him all the
kingdoms of the earth. “Jesus, look at the people – they
follow leaders! These kings are human, not from God and the people
follow them. They write laws, collect taxes and control the power.
How much more could you do in that seat! Imagine you as a benevolent
and wise leader, not the selfish and myopic rulers you see here. You
could live forever, ruling the world with kindness and mercy. You
could show people the way of God – AND THEY WILL LISTEN because
you are king. My way is so much more effective! God would be so much
more pleased with you if you are successful, and you can be successful
my way. You could purge evil from the world by removing all that go
against God’s will, and teach your people forever!”Tougher to resist?
Week 20: I love the wilderness. This week’s photo touched deep joy within
each time I turned on my computer and saw it on my desktop. I love the
wide open prairies, and the harsh landscape of the Rocky Mountains –
both deserts in a sense. I read somewhere that Jesus entered the desert of
temptation as an idealistic young man, and left the desert as a wise
elder.In my 60th year – grateful for God’s
grace – I am becoming the wise elder. The 40 days in the desert,
like the 40 years of the Exodus, are symbolic of a lifetime…As
I age, I feel more and more the presence of the angels that ministered
to Jesus at the end of his ordeal – angels full of mercy!
-- Anita
This is the twentieth
week for me, and I have just made a wonderful discovery. It
seems for years I've been encouraged to find my "mission"
in life, and this morning I suddenly realized my husband is it! It's
so obvious I marvel at my blindness. I have always loved him dearly
but I never thought of him as my "mission". God uses me a
bit "outside my mission", but He can use other women for those
purposes.
As long as I am alive in this world no one else can have this particular
mission which God gave me when we were married 59 years ago. There
is nothing in this world more important for me to do than to do whatever
my dear, kind husband wants me to do. As soon as this came clearly evident
I thought "That's the "old fashioned" idea of woman's
place in the world." But it feels so right.
Week 20: Lord,
As I meditated on your temptations, I tried to watch you. I wondered
… what if the temptations were not that hard … we assume
this is experience is really was hard for you … what if it were
easy? Maybe I think that because you look so still at prayer out there
in the desert.
Then I realize that this is hard … that you wouldn’t be
one with us if it were not hard. Then all week I’m looking for
how you do it … how you really resist. I see myself …often
I try hard to resist just one of the temptations … only to succumb
… usually with great rationales built in … sometimes on
one of the others. Yes adulation, impact and constantly satisfying whatever
I desire … these are quite easy for me to take on.
So I ask, “How you really do it, Lord?”But I gradually come
to appreciate that this is not a self-improvement exercise. You are
not fasting in the desert as part of some new keep fit method. You are
able to resist because you can lay your desires out to God … because
all this is part of your journey with God and for God. So you ask of
me … not for another try … another piece of self-improvement
… you ask that I lay my desires before you.
So when I dream of adulation … it is better to lay the task out
to God. When I want impact, I ask God to provide the impact. When I
want to satiate my desires I will humbly offer them to God. Yes, Lord,
this is what I will do … acknowledging that there are layers of
sinful patterns that I must give up on the way … but your encouragement
is not to try harder but to offer them up to you.
I have just begun Week
20 of the On-Line Retreat. First of all I have to thank Creighton
University for offering the public the opportunity to make this retreat
with the Liturgical Calendar. This is my fourth year to make this
retreat and the spiritual growth that I have experienced since first
making the retreat is astounding. Looking back on my faith journey,
I see how much I have integrally incorporated the messages from the
reflections, readings, sharing of other retreatants, and prayers for
each week. My whole life has changed and I can truly witness how I have
taken on "Christ" in my daily encounters with people. Two
weeks ago, on my way to pray for an hour in a Perpetual Adoration Chapel,
a stranger who had been a victim of a robbery at knife point was crying
and begging for help when I was stopped at a red light. I opened my
car door and welcomed her in. She only wanted to go home, not go to
the police or hospital. The robber had taken all of her money, and she
had no food in her home She was truly a victim of the circumstances
of getting off the city bus at the wrong stop. I prayed to God that
if this was legitimate, that He would have to stop time for me because
I had to be at the Pregnancy Resource Center in an hour and a half where
I am a volunteer counselor for women in crisis pregnancies. I was able
to take the woman to a restaurant for food, a grocery store where we
went up and down every aisle, and take her home where we unloaded the
groceries (enough for two or more weeks). I gave her all of the cash
I had except for two dollars. As I was approaching the interstate to
go to the Resource Center, a man had a sign begging for money. I rolled
down my window and handed him my last two dollars. When I got at the
Center it was exactly 1:00 P.M., time for my shift to begin. God did
stop time and I saw vividly His hand at work in orchestrating this beautiful
encounter with Him through this very needy person. I was also able to
witness to this person about Jesus' great love for us, the blessed Virgin
Mary and her motherly role for all of us, and the fact that this stranger
gave me far more love than I gave her. I am so happy to be a part of
this walk with Christ and am so grateful for the way this retreat has
helped me become a better person and to respond to the needs of strangers.
--Sandy
Greetings to you all from Nell
on tweed. I wont write much this week as i am away in the cold country
with my son and his family. and allowing the decision about where i
live to evolve with the retreat. i travelled here with an irishman who
had interesting stories to tell me about monasteries and convents in
Ireland.
for me the images of the temptations are sinking in and i am finding
the retreat very deeply comforting in the last few weeks. jesus becomes
real in ways i hadnt dreamed of. since i was a little girl i have struggled
to understand something about him which is now just beginning to show
a glimmer of light for me. my love to you all. Nell
This week I am to think of
you in the desert, being challenged to do things which must be near
your heart. You came to us, and I think you were aware to some point
why you were born, but not yet sure when you came to be baptised. There
I think you were sent a public message from your dear Father, your Abba, where everything clarified and you knew who you were and it was
a huge shock. You needed time and space after to that to get things
clear in your head and your heart. I
think you must have looked back on your life and wondered how you had
managed so far to fulfil your Father’s plans for you: by just
working unnoticed in Nazareth you must have wondered how you could possibly
save the world and teach the people about the love you had been quietly
developing over your time at home with your mother Mary. We don’t
know at this point whether Joseph was still alive so we don’t
know whether you were leaving your mother alone. We don’t know
whether you had fallen in love at any point with a particular person,
and in any possible thoughts of resolution whether you perhaps you knew
for some reason in your heart that you weren’t for one person,
you were for all. Your heart was too big for one single person. As God
you wanted all to be your children, and you, as God’s Son, would
draw all of us to you as our brother….With such thoughts you must
have been going crazy in the desert – and for a long time not
even thought of food. Eventually you got hungry: After the mental shock,
it may have suddenly occurred to you that you could sort that problem,
right now. Then maybe you realised the triviality of such a plan: you
remembered the prophets and what they had foretold. God’s larger
plan imposed itself in front of you, the words from the Psalm, ‘you
will step on the viper…and not be harmed…’ mixed with
other words ‘I will give you the nations of the earth…’You
must have thought how these could apply to you – you could do
anything and God would look after you. You could do an arrival in style
to impress everyone – but think, you might have said to yourself,
would that be what God – who had just called you His son - wanted?
If it was, He could have done it when you were born, instead of letting
your mother give birth to you far from home in a stable….But how,
you must have thought again, how am I going to get the world to listen?
I’m a nobody, a village carpenter, I don’t know the famous,
the important and the powerful – but then, yes, yes! you must
have shouted: I am the Son of God. He told me I was, He will help me…I
know His plan, it is written for me. I have studied it since I was a
boy…I don’t need anyone else, and certainly not the Evil
One. ‘Get thee behind me, Satan…’It is written, dearest
Lord, that you were tempted in every way we are… I am. I have
been trying to look at my temptations: I know I drink too much wine,
but it is good and I thank you for it. The other thing is wanting to
be loved and to be assured of it by everyone, but most importantly by
one person in particular. Which would be a disaster for that person
and for me. I know it is not the loving that matters, it is the wish
to know that I am loved in return, which is where the temptation lies.It
is desirable, but I also know it is not important. It is important that
I love all but more important is that I know I am loved fully and unreservedly
by one truly faithful and constant lover: my dear God. He gives me everything
– everything, from life itself, to the beauty of the world, to
my family, to so many people to love – oh, to so many things!
- to the overdose of talents he has given me which I am happy to use
for him and for the building up of the Kingdom, for that is why they
were given to me. He uses his love to mend me when I am broken, but
best of all Abba has given me Jesus who loves and accepts me as I am,
with whom and through whom and in whom I have everything. ‘The
Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want…’Oh,
thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you! I love you always, all
the days of my life. I love you, dearest Lord! I shall never understand
why you are so kind to me. . .
Two things struck me this week
as I reflected on the time Jesus spent in the desert. First,
Jesus was baptized—his identity as Beloved Son of the Father was
revealed—BEFORE he went into the desert. This is a reminder that
God loves us first and reveals his love to us long before he subjects
us to our own experiences of the desert. (Imagine if Jesus had been
baptized and his identity revealed AFTER he had been tested in the desert—it
would seem like God’s love and favor had been earned.) God’s
love is a free gift that never fails us, even when we are tempted, even
when we fail the tests of our deserts. Second,
the temptation passages are dynamic events; one senses in the dialogue
the struggle of Christ and his adversary. In contrast, I usually envision
my desert places—where there is little consolation in prayer,
for example—as static, passive, lifeless places. Retreating into
the desert with Christ over this past week reminded me that, while our
deserts may require surrender to God’s will, still that surrender
is active—brilliantly, dazzlingly active—and moreso the
greater my surrender. Like
someone once said, “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a terrible
battle.” Tom, Pennsylvania
Lord Jesus, I watch you as you grapple with temptations.
What you seek at first does not seem all that bad … at least by
our human standards. You are not seeking flagrant violation of the Ten
Commandments. What you seek may even be considered by some to quite
normal.
What was wrong with trying to quell your hunger? Especially after 40
days of fasting? But you recognized that this too was an act that might
spring from self absorption. Today we face daily the same voices of
self absorption: to place more emphasis on ourselves than on others.
For myself, I recognize that I am at my most vulnerable to self when
I am tired. Traveling too much … overworking … I hear the
voices … “it’s OK ... you deserve this”.
But what freedom you receive, Lord, when you reject self for God …
when you put your trust in God.
Then I recognize very well the temptation for power and glory. You could
even justify that somehow that would help your ministry. Often, decisions
I’ve made have been crafted in these terms. But you know, Lord,
how easy it is to enjoy the trappings and forget God. You remember even
your ancestor David and his son Solomon succumbed to that temptation.
So you are willing to reject power and glory to let God live through
you fully. It is natural that you stand back with us and maybe even
start to question whether God’s promise is not too good to believe.
You listen to the voices that require a sign from God. But the signs
we want are often not the signs that God loves us but other signs of
affirmation … that we are whole … that we are valued …
that we can get what we earnestly want … but not necessarily what
God wants of us … I at least strive to see signs that both of
these come together.
But Jesus you show another freedom. You recognize these voices but you
also recognize and live out the freedom from trusting completely in
God … that today God will provide … today God will offer
not only what is good for me but if I listen … wait … through
me what is good for God’s Kingdom.
Lord, let me hear that voice … and not the voices of self absorption
however prevalent they may be.
At the beginning of week
20, I have only one thing to say: OUCH...You got me where I'm
living right now.
OK, the 20th week of
the retreat has motivated me to finally share what has been happening
to me over the past 5 months into this profoundly life changing experience.
I have been motivated all my life by trying to find love everywhere
but from my “Dad”…our loving Father God, Brother Jesus
and Mother Mary. The three temptations as described on the
main page are mine. I never, ever saw it this way before.
The wisdom I have been praying for since 1980 at the Notre Dame Charismatic
Conference has finally begun to appear in my brain and sink deeply into
my heart. It explains everything I have done right and wrong in
my entire life. I now see myself as the prodigal son, fully
welcomed home by my loving Father and totally forgiven for my sins in
a new and profound way after being seduced and falling for everyone
of the temptations Jesus faced. I pray for the Holy Spirit’s
power, wisdom, insight for myself and everyone to withstand those temptations
now and forever.
Thanks for maintaining this web site. It is life changing
and a tremendous blessing. I am incorporating all of it into my
life and my work integrating personal and professional coaching with
spiritual companionship with my clients. I look forward to savoring
and with some trepidation about what more I will learn, experiece and
grow through completing the remaining 14 weeks. With my prayers,
gratitude and deep appreciation.
The biggest realization that I
received in the contemplation of the temptation during Week 20 of the Retreat was that in order to be tempted there must be some level
of desire there or it would not be a temptation. I suppose that
I always imagined that Jesus while tempted and lured by the Devil just
said 'NO' without any real hesitation or thinking about it. But
this week caused me to ponder that if the 'no' were just automatic and
the temptations caused no desire in Jesus to accept them then they could
not be called temptations. That gives me a new insight as to how
much Jesus does understand us as he experienced human form. He
was tempted in every way possible but did not sin. He knows the
struggle and can help me to come to the correct response because He
is not unfamiliar with the process. He can help me and does understand
temptation and struggle.
Temptation in the Desert: Thank
you for the beautiful meditations on Jesus in the desert. His
temptations were more than one can imagine, and he struggled, but was
triumphant. He did this by preparing himself with prayer and fasting...
He wanted to be alert. It makes me realize that in order to fight
temptations, I have to be aware and alert to what it is in me or around
me, desires that are attractive yet sinful.
Jesus showed us His love and the ultimate strength of his love,
by resisting the temptations and giving us the role model of facing
our temptations... He is there for us... He knows what it is like to
face demons.
I felt great compassion for Jesus, and great gratitude that He would
do this for me. When he was in the desert angels attended him,
they were his sole companions in this . I imagine Jesus being
exhausted, and spent as he faced those forty days in solitude.
The angels gave him comfort.
I pray that when faced with daily temptations, I will look to Jesus,
and remember that He showed me the way... he will send his angels to
attend me in my need. He can overcome anything, I have to turn
to Him more, and allow myself to face what he wants me to face about
myself.
May God watch over and protect all of us . Week 20
Jesus was tempted to use his power--yes
for himself, but the really major temptation would be to use all that
power and authority later on for the good of others as he did his ministry.
To make himself the center--to be as god to them providing for all their
earthly needs. Then with all their needs provided for, the people
would follow Jesus to faith and repentence. The problem with all this
is that, as Jesus so clearly understood, he would become their god.
Jesus pointed away from himself and to God and God's Word as he went
about doing his ministry. I am a pastor and I see the ways that I'm
tempted to attract and draw people to me "for their own good."
This week's retreat comes at a good time for me to reflect on my own
ways of leading and doing ministry. Throughout this retreat, I see the
many ways that I allow my self to be the center of my world, instead
of allowing God to occupy the center. Week 20
How I resist "the Spirit lead him
into the desert to be tempted" My Goodness, how I resist that thought!
...
What is important is that Jesus goes into the desert and demonstrates
His humanity. He is tempted, tested, thinks about what to do and
asks himself, "What does the Father want me to do?" Then He does
it.
We sometimes ask ourselves, "What would Jesus do?" Other times
we do as Jesus did do and ask "What do You want me to do, Father?
Please give me guidance and strength"
Thank You, God our Father, for giving us Guidance, Your Son, our Sun
and Savior. Week 20
In rejecting the temptation for
expediency, Christ was granted a God-centered form of all three of the
other “gifts” Satan used to tempt. Instead of turning stones
into bread, Christ turned bread into his Body. Instead of ruling as
a material king, he became the king of our hearts and souls. Instead
of God saving him from a fall, he was raised up from the dead and conquered
death.
Here
I am toward the end of week 20, reflecting on the temptations
of Christ. The week has been hard in a number of ways, but I have found
the meditations of the week comforting. For several years I have prayed
a daily Rosary (at least 5 mysteries, often 15). This week I made a
new set of Mysteries for myself, the Mysteries of the Temptation of
Christ: 1) The Fasting in the Desert; 2) The Temptations of the Flesh;
3) The Temptation to Power; 4) the Temptation of Presumption; and 5)
the Temptation of Pride. It is the fifth temptation that I found especially
intriguing. After ‘defeating’ Satan in the desert, Christ
could have thought to Himself, “I have defeated the enemy, I need
not fear any longer.” But this would have put too much dependence
upon Himself in His ability to overcome further temptations. Instead,
He realized Satan would be back and, most importantly, that He would
need grace from the Father to overcome it. When we begin to think that
we are beyond temptation, then it is that we are weakest against it.
I pray for the grace to recognize temptation at its first appearance
and to run from it as quickly as I can.
When I wondered whether to give up my long
- desired lecture because of joining church activities or not, When
my voice grew louder in sharing groups, I experienced concrete
and practical temptations that want to feed myself and to look beautiful.
At first, I didn't realize they really are temptations. But repeating
reflection upon, I could find out a reality of temptation in everyday
lives. I wish a grace to walk more by faith in care of God's Love.
WOW!!!! From Baptism to Temptation!!!! What
a challenge,Such a contrast,and a paradox of humanity and a HUGE
responsibility of Christianity . You have the seal of life!?What are
you going to do with it now? You are changed forever as a CHILD OF GOD.
You are baptised and you will forever be blessed, offered gifts
& graces and offered the challenge of resisting temptation!! If
you fall,come to me.and do not repeat your sinfulness.I give you the
promise of eternal life so that you may live this life in abundance.
PRAISE GOD!!! In the mystery of this badge of honour, with my life in
God's hands,where and what else is there to compare??
I'm finishing week 20. This has been the
most powerful week for me. I've always struggled with Jesus being truly
human and truly divine. I guess what I believed was that Jesus
was divine, only he walked around in a human body. I never really grasped
the concept that He was tempted until I meditated on this. It never
dawned on me there was any real possibility that Jesus could have given
in to the temptation, until I sat and thought about what the experience
of being tempted was like for me. The desire, the attraction,
the feeling of weakness to give in, the struggle, the rationalizing
that happens when you are tempted and that you can't be tempted by something
that does'nt appeal to you. Now I understand what it means Jesus was
like us in all ways but sin. Now I can absorb that He loves
me and understands and forgives me. My prayer is that all who are seeking
will experience His overwhelming love.
During week 20 of the
retreat I was given a box of
chocolates by a friend. The temptation
to eat several of these delicious
bon bons was given into even though
I kept trying not to eat more
than 3 at a time! How difficult
it must have been for Jesus when
he was tempted in the desert. I
kept thinking about this as I seemed
incapable of resistance to such a
tiny temptation. Presumably if Christ
had succumbed to Satan we would
not be redeemed. How grateful we should
be to the great moral strength that
Jesus displays. Oh that we could
follow Him more closely but my weakness
is so great as is my need
for Him. Only through our brother
can any weaknesses be overcome as
this so clearly shows in the retreat.
The 20th week. This is the first
time that I can truly relate to Jesus' humanity, He was tempted He made
a choice, I too can now make choices that are empowered by the knowledge
that I am not alone. To embrace my own humanity and depend on
God to give me a new heart so that I also can love. To trust that by
turning over temptations to God brings me that much closer to that which
I truly am, a work in progress. What a privilege to be graced
with this "Retreat".
I continue on week 20 reflecting on Jesus'
temptation in the desert; how he was tempted to use his gifts and power
for his own good rather that to serve the purpose he was sent to this
world to achieve. I so often use my own gifts to satisfy my ego;
to win praise from others. I struggle with this, but yet I know
when I do choose to simply allow God to work through me, the inner joy
I experience is so much greater than when I receive praise from others.
I am slowly beginning to absorb the fact that my self worth comes from
inside of me; that my value is being a beloved child of God so precious
that Jesus died forf me. As I meditate on Jesus' temptation int
he desert, I am strengthened and encouraged to believe that God will
give me the grace to recognize my own temptations and will also give
me the grace to choose his way.. To
my fellow retreatants - you are in my prayers today. May God continue
to bless all of us and help us to get what He wants to give us this
week.
Week 21
Week 21: Throughout the week I have had a difficult time trying to enter into any of the scenes. I thought the week was fruitless. I read all the readings but could only process the readings about Jesus recruiting Andrew, Peter, James, John and Matthew.Today I focus on the social network; I am amazed by the importance of John the Baptist. John gave up his status as the son of Zachariah, lived in the desert, and prepared the way. Andrew followed him. John pointed out Jesus to Andrew. Then Andrew followed Jesus and recognized him as the Messiah. Later, Andrew spent time with Jesus. He talked about Jesus and introduced Simon to him. James and John fished with Andrew and Simon. They heard all that Andrew had to say and his witness must have been very convincing because when Jesus invited the four of them, they all left – maybe not knowing that they would not return to full time fishermen. They left their unprocessed fish and unrepaired nets while the workers watched with wonder; Zebedee (John and James father) also watched with his shock showing and probably p otesting (as dads might do). The fish would still get processed, the nets would get repaired and someone would work in the boats – even though four key players were missing. It turns out that the four devoted the rest of their lives to follow Jesus – eventually giving up all their status as John the Baptist had done. These four followed Jesus as he preached and healed; his fame grew. The region had heard about him and I suspect that Matthew was listening because many people would tell about what they heard and saw. Then Matthew joined the four – leaving his tax booth. Probably someone continued Matthew’s tax collection business, but Matthew eventually would give up his financial status. It seems that these five, because of their social network and the network’s storytelling, heard a message, listened, and then acted. Small steps at first with each step leading to eventual total commitment. Maybe they were always thinking that they could return as workers (at least) to their former livelihoods.I pray for the grace that I can do the same: continue to be around those that tell the story, listen to them and keep acting the best that I can. Please join me in this prayer. -Joe
Week 21: I feel, as I am still in the middle of this week, that I am actually in less clarity than a few weeks ago. Here it is--Lent. I feel more overwhelmed by my "outside life," less spiritually tuned, and seriously confused by what I "ought" to be experiencing right now. It is as though I am trying to grasp a wave. I read the word "transformed" and long for a sense of change. I pray the words to my Lord and Christ, and feel like they are bouncing back against me. There is much need for transformation. I give you my all, Lord. Please take me, Lord. Love me, Lord. Re-make and re-mold, Lord. I am willing, but apparently I am blind. I ache for your love and your call, Jesus. Help me to fight against the walls of the life I live, for they are pressing in on me, threatening to take over. Those of you who are out there, praying and working through this week, I pray for you and celebrate your growth and joy. God bless each of you. I do feel our connection.
Week 21 Dearest Lord, take my hand, I am yours, lead me on. This week’s
calling to grace, for myself, was the gift of intimacy,
becoming aware of Jesus’ reverence, laboring, loyalty and faithfulness
to me during my 64 years on this earth. Jesus before me, Jesus behind
me, Jesus beside me. Wow! Awesome, tears of immense gratitude, clarity,
consciousness, accountability and responsibility of His Call, I remained
a week longer on 21 um! Oh
I must now follow, the Way, the Truth and the Light one day at a time,
one more week at a time. I march onward in all my poverty, to know
Jesus more, to love Him more, and to serve Him more, all for God’s
greater glory Amen. There but for
the grace of God go I. God Bless and is with All on the journey. Gratefully
and lovingly yours.
Week 21:
I am in wonderment at how The Lord must be working in my life, for it
can not all be coincidence. So to start. Last week I wrote a sharing
about being tempted to sin in living life, so I wanted to stay in my
own little world of imaginings and self pity. I did conclude with the
uplifting thought that it might be a great endeavor to be a Statesman
in the Lord's kingdom. Now what I had meant was really to be more of
a citizen of the Kingdom where there might be one or two others to be
with, in a kind of earthly circle of a few friends to share with.
Not to be. Maybe a Citizen but not what or where I had envisioned in
looking back at this past week. First, I read a news release for the
Passion of Christ and how the German SS had murdered two adults and
a child to show the other prisoners in a death camp that there was no
God. The conclusion of the story had someone pointing to the child and
asking, "Where is your God." And the answer was, "He
is there on the Gallows!" And this was in keeping with the theme
that where there is suffering, there is Christ.
Then against what I had wanted, I was called to be a hall monitor for
the CCD kids when they went to the Penance Service at Church. I got
to talking to one of the teachers and the conversation led to my giving
the retreat address to him and he will check it out. A calling and me
an instrument? I don't know but he is a good man and if the retreat
is right for him, I pray that he will persevere in it.
And again against what I wanted, I will be taking a more active part
in the the Holy Week Services. OH Lord, I truly wanted less not more.
And in his homily for the weekend, Father told the original story of
the SS murdering those three people, and adding, the personal connotation
of where is your own God. I can only answer that God is calling each
of us, and each of us is being called, to the Little and to the Great.
I pray that I might answer my calls in consonance with God's Will for
me, for He wills Good for His Creation. And maybe, to love and desire
the Good, is to love and desire Jesus Himself.
You may use my first name for the sharing, and I'll add a sincere Thank
You All for making this retreat available and possible, Thank You.
--Quentin
Week 21: My mind kept coming back this week to last week's reflection
on the temptations. I was much more aware when I was acting in ways
which promoted my position or self interest ... much more aware of when
it was my own selfish desires that were driving my actions. Then I saw
in the reading that when Jesus called people he called them as they
were ... right there and then. They follow ... they are immediately
attracted. There are no promises either way. So I ask Jesus to accept
me now ... here ... as I am. The only promise I can make is to agree
to listen more attentively to His daily proddings.
Week 21:
This week, I had my mid-year review at work. I really dislike appraisals
in my current firm because I think they are conducted in a very coercive,
top-down way. I have had other employers who have approached them in
a far more collaborative and less intimidating way, encouraging the
employee to reflect on their own work and set their own priorities for
improvement. So I was dreading my interview with my boss, and I realised
I was fretting and letting it distract me from my tasks. Then I thought
of this week's theme of experiencing Jesus with us as we go about our
business. How would I respond if it were Jesus rather than my boss giving
me the review? I hope I would listen and take his uggestions as loving
encouragement to improve. I decided to try and approach my boss in the
same spirit. It turned out to be a far more positive experience than
I had feared. Yes, there was some criticism, but I was able to respond
much more positively and focus on how to do better rather than on feeling
stung by it. It was such a blessing to be able to let go of my discomfort
with the process. I hope I can remember this when my full-year review
comes round in June!
Week 21: Jesus tells me:” Take nothing for the journey –
no staff, nor bread, nor money…stay where you are welcome, leave
where you are not…” These words have
echoed over and over in my heart as I have moved through my days.
There is something in these words about trust, about purity of heart
(no hidden agenda/transparency), about hiddenness: “Be hidden;
be a light to your neighbor’s feet” (C.Doherty –
Little Mandate). There is also something about the type of hospitality
that is a place of emptiness where others can discover their voice
and being in God. (Henri Nouwen) Ministry is not about bringing people
over to our side; it is about offering them freedom with no dividing
lines. This journey
that Christ invites me on is one of paradox, of “no-doing”,
so that what needs to be done is done. It is about moving out of the
way so that grace can move freely.
-- Anita
Week
21: Two themes kept coming back to me this week. In imagining
the disciples' call I feel not only are they attracted by the content
of the call. They feel its radical power. But also I feel their attraction
for Jesus. His call is personal but the way he approaches people is
attractive. He's genuine and does not like inauthentic people too much;
he is warm and outgoing, attentive … particularly when he is able
to see their core needs. Then I read the passage in which Jesus names
his apostles … giving many of them different name … showing
a sense of humor or maybe that he really does understand them or both?
But what would Jesus name me? What does He call me today? I am not able
to answer that question …would he use the label "Changeable"
or "Anxious"? But I don't need a name to follow Jesus' call.
He's there on my journey.
I am
supposedly in week 21, but I don't feel like I am getting
anywhere at all. I read someone else's share that this is not a competition.
Thank God for that, because I would surely lose! Then I read the other
posted messages and feel like I am alone, like everone else is getting
enthralled and I am not. I read the 'getting started' for each week,
and it just doesn't make sense to me most of the time. And then, the
week of my life takes over and I forget to come back to the site and
do more. I have always believed in God, but never established a connection
with Him until within the last ten years. So, God I get, but I just
don't know how to relate to Jesus in the way it seems the retreat is
leading. He's God the Son! It's hard for me to be "in love"
with Him, the way it says I am supposed to. That seems so human. Maybe
the fact that I am willing to do anything to get a connection with Jesus
is improvement.
good
morning to all of you. i have just finsihed week 21 and was enjoying it deeply but woke this morning feeling very unhappy
and alone.
during the week i was able to image on most days and enjoyed the walks
on the lake shore. i think i always had jesus moving in fast motion.
i liked the comment by one retreatant who said , i think, that he or
she had always seen jesus as fully ready for his mission and just waiting
for his body to catch up somehow. now i see the possibility of his being
tempted by the temptations ( the certainty). and i begin to see that
he wasnt sent to wander amongst us as a god but to fully experience
those things we experience. this week, i began with my usual "jesus
living out the gospel at full speed" choosing disciples -1-2-3.
when i slowed it down. saw him coming out of the desert. victorious
but ready for a lakeside holiday. wanderinfg the shores . watching the
people. mebbe looking for the people he knew he wanted . or perhaps
observing and choosing . taking them back to his place. talking and
walking.
the last few weeks have somehow relaxed me into my own humanity and
i am trying to read these stories as if i do not know what comes next
because in a way - i dont. so im going on as if this is the first time
i have heard the life of jesus. into the mystery. lvoe to you all .
-- nell from tweed.
I
love the stories of Jesus calling his disciples. Though each is different,
they all speak of an attraction so powerful that all else is left behind. I can’t
help smiling to myself when I think of St. Peter. We are told he had
a mother-in-law—and an ailing one, no less!—but we hear
nothing of a wife or children. What if St. Peter’s wife died in
childbirth and he was left with only his ailing mother-in-law? That
sounds like someone who might be more than ready to “leave everything
behind” and follow Christ! Then I started to think of other apostles:
what of the Sons of Zebedee? Perhaps they had grown weary of laboring
over the nets under the thunder of their father’s voice. Maybe
they were ready to “leave everything behind” too. And Matthew?
Though collecting taxes had its financial rewards, perhaps he had grown
weary of being ridiculed and despised for collaborating with the Roman
occupiers. Perhaps he had been thinking for some time already about
finding a way to retire. Into all these weary lives comes Christ. Though
St. Peter’s situation first struck me as almost comical, it occurred
to me that I, too, am weary. When I am, do I hear Christ and follow
him?
-- Tom, Pennsylvania, Week 21
I started this week quite restless.
I am wondering whether I really am in the right ministry. The fact that
the alternatives are not immediately apparent is frustrating. I found
the prayer Lead Kindly Light very useful in keeping me grounded. Then
earlier in the week I was reflecting on the Gospel scene where Jesus
has Peter cast again for fish where they have not caught anything all
night. I think that Jesus recognized a trait that Peter had (or maybe
more accurately that I have). I imagined that Jesus encountered Peter
a couple of times before this scene and recognized him as really "gung
ho". Peter was already imagining the fantastic social and political
transformations that would happen through this man Jesus. Not all of
this would be grounded as we know in what the Lord wanted. The last
thing on Peter's mind is that this transformation could happen here
and now where he was working. But that is precisely what Jesus demonstrated.
Where we are now is just as important in the development of discipleship
as where we will end up. Peter recognizes this and recognizes his own
inadequacies in the face of these possibilities. I pray that when I
cast my nets again this week the significance of what I do in Jesus's
name will really be apparent ... however humbling that can be.
At first, it was just another retreat
week. Some weeks are more fruitful than others, and that's normal. What
I find unhelpful one week may be just what you need. At any rate, "What
do you want?" "Come and see." I do not think it was mere
coincidence that this week coincides with Christmas. All week, the Gospel
readings have been in John, with Jesus calling his disciples. So I've
had a good hammering all week.
Week 21, It has been a wonderful
journey, yet I feel that I am not where I would like to be spiritually.
Perhaps it is because, at times, I have allowed the busyness of life
to distract me from a more intimate relationship with Jesus. I try to
keep things in proper perspective, yet sometimes find myself becoming
rather complacent, and not moving forward in my prayer life. This week's
readings helped me to realize that I must become more prayer centered,
more focused on the one who loved me enough to die for me - Jesus. Today
I pray for all on this journey, remember me in your prayers.
Week 21 At the conclusion of this week, I have had many graces that have
let me believe that in my small way, I am listening and beginning to
follow Christ more willingly. I am open to serve Him, and I pray
that I will have courage to do what He wants.
I have a little fear, and yet excitement at the thought that whatever
it is , He will provide the strength to follow.
I pray for a friend of mine who has confided this week that he is discerning
a call to a possible vocation to the priesthood, I promised him to pray
for him at this time, and I offer my prayers for all on this retreat
who are struggling with the yes. Pray for me as well.
I know that the apostles were very human , very flawed, and yet God
saw something in them, that they did not see in themselves. I
believe it is that way with me too. I ask for the grace that Jesus become
so attractive, so beautiful, to me that to follow will be the only choice...
the true love of all time.
What stood out for me the most
in week 21 was the immediateness of the responses to the call
of Jesus. Time and again people left their livelihood and indeed
their lives as they knew to follow Jesus in an instant. They did
not have to think about it and ponder over the decision, they just did
it. How much easier life would be if I could just respond 'yes'
to the Lord every time without hesitation and pondering. It is
possible! Andrew, James, John, and Matthew all attest to that.
They left the lives that they knew for an unknown future. But
this was indeed the future they were intended to have with the Lord.
The call of Christ: I wonder if
being called had a different significance in Christ’s time. Now,
I am always being called; called to buy. I am called on the phone, the
television and through the mail; and not just commercial calls. In my
home we regularly get appeals in the mail from all sorts of mission
groups. The number of calls is overwhelming. But in all this modern
calling, I am not called to meaningful relationships very often.
Lord, thank you for coming so that I can clearly see the call of God.
It is a call unlike all the others. It brings me joy to know that you
are calling me. It brings me hope. It makes me feel worthy. Week
21
" what do you want ?", "come and
see..."
Jesus' invitations made his early followers leave their former means
of living to live lives that gave them new meaning of life. The most
important thing in my reflections was to realize who He is and how much
He really loved me and He stayed with me even when I'm a big sinner.
In daily lives Jesus wanted me to respond his invitation and reform.
but I have always been afraid of leaving and changing. Now I came
and saw and knew who Jesus is as His followers did . From now on I will
follow JESUS .( the 21th week)
I have concluded week 21. I pause
to look back, over my mental shoulder, trying to see myself and my god
where we have been, what we have resolved. Has he forgiven me? Have
I forgiven him? I cannot forget that a penniless kid is a terrible thing.
I cannot forget that being irish-mexican made me believe that I fit
nothing properly. I cannot forget that I hated kneeling at the communion
rail, because those lined-up behind me were gazing and laughing at the
cardboard that filled the holes in my shoes. I cannot forget the dizzy
prayers for quiet and peace in the midst of absolute unrelenting chaos.
I cannot forget walking the nice streets, and hoping that my life was
a dream, and that I was really a part of the serenity, the order, that
those neighborhoods represented to me. Would I wake with a real set
of parents? A good set of clothing? Waking without shame would have
been an entire miracle by itself. Did my Jesus actually see me groveling
in prayer? Did my Jesus actually hear me screaming silently for help?
Was Jesus busy when I took that first drink? Was he busy when I prayed
for help? Well, to tell you the truth, these 21 weeks makes me wish
that Jesus could write his response. I laugh when I imagine what it
might be. 'well, my boy. I must have heard you. I must have loved you.
Check yourself out, my boy. Your marriage has reached its 38 uninterrupted
years of love. Your children love you both. Your successes are many.
You have learned a lesson from where we both walked. You learned compassion.
You learned how a smile, a hello, helping hand makes for a very satisfactory
life. I allowed you to see parts of life unknown to others as a child,
and later overseas, and then right back to the streets where it all
began for you. Do you think that you could have stood in all of those
storms without me? I do not believe that there is any rancor in your
heart whatsoever for me. For if there was, then why did you write a
simple statement of your faith and love, by hand, that you have repeated
everyday for so many years? "I, as your father,have already granted
miracles that you have yet to pray for. Believe this. Have trust and
faith in me... I am the author of your life." I rest my case. All
of the weeks have made me a better person. My love for Jesus never dims.
His love for me is obviously like a beacon, it is only I who shuts his
eyes. Love to all.
This retreat has delivered two graces. First,
I have an unprecedented clarity about creation, my friends, family and
myself. I see both the beauty of the world and unrelenting challenges
of being a worthy human being in modern society. Second,
the building of a trusting relationship with God over weeks and months
has given me more courage than I ever imagined was possible. This
week (21) Jesus asked the apostles a simple but powerful question:
What do you want? And then, he responds to them with an equally strong
challenge: Come with me. For me, the answer to the first question is
simple truth and beauty and acceptance. And the answer to the second
part is I'm coming. it's not easy. But I'm coming.
Although I am on the 'review' week, following week 21, my heart and mind have been captured and illumined by
a line by Fr. Gillick from a prior week: "When all is gift, we
can no longer measure ourselves by what we've accumulated." I
keep coming back to it, reflect and acknowledge this power-filled message;
and, with humility, gratitude, awe, open myself up to greater acceptance,
forgiveness and courage to "be", journeying with the ever present love
of Our Lord, seen in others and within. Thank you so much for
the gifted individuals who have made this Ignatian retreat a reality
and a very do-able experience. The light is slowly dawning!
Prayers from me to all pilgrims involved in this retreat! Chrissy
When Jesus comes up out of the water (21),
and comes to sit beside me and ask me if I want to go with him, how
can I refuse. The joy on his face, reflects my own. To be
called by Him....we all are called by Him. Yes I will go, but
yes it is frightening. What will happen? Where will he take
me? What if, what if, what if? He tells me I will be with
you always...no matter what if. I feel his presence, his love,
and want to go where he leads.....Please show me the way, guide me,
keep me.
In week 21, I just read Cardinal Newman's
prayer this morning to lead me on and light my way. This has been a
tough journey, but the guidelines keep bringing me back to the incredible
grace of God. How kind God is and how patient. I can see
the things that still need to change, but I'm on a journey that takes
time. God bless everyone who is cringing as I often do at how
far I have to go and who is laughing at the marvel of how kindly God
leads them.
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