Week 22
Week 22: I started the week contemplating “The Lord’s Spirit has come to me, because he has chosen me to tell the good news to the poor.” and “Why do you say that I am Lord when you do not do as I ask?”For much of the week I was in a state internal commotion, noise, confusion, and restlessness. Prayer sometimes brought me to the almost crying stage. I became painfully aware of my stubborn unwillingness to obey. One part of me wants the peace of eternal life with Jesus and another part keeps telling me to do it my way. Progressively louder scripture versus related to Gehenna started playing and I flinched when I prayed that I avoid eternal burning. I was being moved by the punishment not my love. Yesterday the daily mass gospel reading was Matthew 16 24-28 – similar to this retreat’s Matthew 25 31-46 in some ways. I interpret both as He will separate those that will have happy, healthy body cells forever and those that would suffer agony forever. I closed the week with this prayer. Oh Jesus, your love is helping me to find even more incentives to follow you. As your Father loved Israel – He gave, they sinned, He punished, He rescued and the cycle restarted - help me, dear Jesus, to really, really follow you. In my need, help me to give, to help others, to proclaim your Good News, and to have just a mustard seed of faith.- Joe
Week 22: This
week of moving ever more closely to Jesus, I was indeed moving more
closely to others, and to creation. In a strange way, moving closer
to God is in essence finding God in one and everything I encounter.
Closeness is touch – incarnation – sacrament – “God
with skin”. This small quote from St. Francis says it all:
I once spoke to my friend, an old squirrel, about the Sacraments –
he got so excited and ran into a hollow in his tree and came back holding
some acorns, an owl feather, and a ribbon he had found. And I just smiled
and said: “Yes, dear, you understand: everything imparts His grace.”
-- Anita
Week 22: For me,
I feel a need to critique the lovers’ metaphor of this retreat,
that is, the frequent reference to our relationship with Jesus as that
of “lovers” falling in love. Maybe it is my own misguided
interpretation or maybe I am missing something that is better suited
for others. Our desire for union with Christ, goes far beyond the lovers’
metaphor. And for me, and I think for some others, the lovers’
metaphor has a limited place on this journey. Its value should be understood
and then left behind as we go forward.
There are a few things I needed to sort out. One is a reflection on
my marriage and the meaning of love and trust. The other is the word
of God as revealed to me in Matthew 6: 24-34 where Jesus helped me to
trust in God’s love. The other is a growing resistance to reduce
this attraction to Christ to what I am calling the lovers’ metaphor
seen on more than one occasion in this retreat.
So I am challenging myself to reflect on this metaphor in the context
of my personal experience of love in marriage, and a renewal of that
marriage through a closer union with Christ, who died for us.
I have received many graces throughout the retreat and am grateful to
its organizers It has become the center of my spiritual growth the past
year, and has grown like a vine with surprising offshoots and sprouts.
Sometimes I willfully stretch out the time of a particular “week,”
until I deeply feel and abide in the hidden message, as a spiritual
lesson to be discovered, assimilated, savored, and learned. I appreciate
the helps, the readings and the sharing, and usually end on the final
prayer to see if my heart is really in the same place as writer of “in
these or similar words.” Then I write in my diary or compose a
sharing if the quality of the experience is something I can capture.
This week, I almost but not quite accepted the message of Jesus Shares
His Message, week 22. I may have some issues with intimacy with Jesus
and really don’t know what is holding me back. Maybe it’s
the difference between eros and agape, (which I don’t fully understand
but am beginning to explore through the recent Encyclical Letter of
Pope Benedict and other writings). He writes there are two kinds of
love, with eros as the passionate, reciprocal giving and taking in close
relationship and desire for union, and agape as the more selfless or
divine expression of love, just giving for life’s sake. Both are
needed in the Christian journey, but eros is what I am taking to be
the point of the lovers metaphor.....
I am now on week 22 and have not shared for a number of weeks. I feel so much that I have
been paying lip service to this retreat over the last few weeks and
not really settling to thinking about it every day, or even reviewing
it every day. I have spent part of two mornings a week looking at the
material, but it has stayed in that space and not moved further into
my life, so everything seems to be staying the same. I DO want it to
change and I know that Jesus knows my failings and that he continues
to love me, but I feel I am still putting up barriers to getting to
know him more deeply. When I went to the readings for this week and
re-read John Donne’s poem, ‘Batter my heart’ that
I had studied many, many years ago whilst at school, it really summed
up what I feel. Unfortunately Jesus does not follow this way. He won’t
take anyone by force. He is there waiting - longing to encourage me.
And I still linger on the edges, dipping in my toes.
Week 22: I have
always felt the pull of Jesus' call as he reads from the scriptures
in the synagogue. When I was much younger it spurred me to social justice
movements. But I never felt that my involvement there brought me closer
to Jesus. It was only later after I had moved much further away from
these positions that I felt Jesus' gentle prodding. These happened particularly
in small personal encounters … in a day shelter giving out clothes,
talking with the homeless, visiting homebound or troubled people. When
I was younger I was openly cynical of what I thought were "middle
class" attempts to assuage guilt by engaging in "works of
charity". But now I see how powerfully they affect me not because
I am doing good deeds but more by what I learn about myself and others.
I also see that my companions in our community start to develop a voice
for the poor. Then I pray "in these or similar words" and
the theme of Jesus' invitation to stay joined to me and "together
we will produce fruit" resonates with me. I see that Jesus has
been there all along. Yes he wants my "acts of charity" but
more importantly he wants to reach me and for me to see that I am not
always as self sufficient as I would like to think. He reaches out to
me in the places I am particularly powerless. So I am free to move forward
with Jesus in our journey.
Week 22. Although
I move slowly, almost subconsiously, through this retreat, much is happening.
Just as I am asked to be 'poor and humble' I am given the opportunity.
And there I am complaining, so ungrateful. Really, it is a gift from
God and I am trying to accept it. He shows me myself. But at the same
time He is giving me the opportunity to be myself. To move from a situation
that sits right with the world, gainful employment, to another where
I am learning to pilgrim, to act out my trust in God. I can't even look
for another job now because of 'disability'. Am I willing to accept
that for myself, for others? Jesus is the vine and the Father is the
gardener. He sure knows how to prune. And He tells me to be myself,
the naked me. This really is a gift. Continue.
a lovely morning before dawn here
in the sub tropics of australia. my prayers are with you all. the further
i walk with you and jesus along this walk, the more i am aware of my
own newness to this way of life.. im 56 years old and i have been clean
and sober for 19 years this month . i have experienced the wonder of
working through the 12 steps and being led into worlds i didnt dream
existed and now i find myself in the same state of adventure and blessing.
during the week i felt as though i were passing my days not only with
the one companion but with all the followers. of a night i lay down
snuggled in robes with others around me and words in my mind that ive
never heard before .
the choice welling up in me is very unexpected and im sure it comes
as a result of trying to read these words as if i have never hear them
or jesus story before. im also not deciding what is spiritual or not.
just listening to the words. and watching the events of my life and
feeling things well up in me which are very very new to me. i think
each week i will write something intelligent but i seem to get less
intelligent each week and more wordless. my love to you all.
-- nell from tweed
“God blesses those people
who depend only on him.”Depending on God in my life often means
depending on other people to be generous. However, when I find that
people have let me down, I often find myself alone with God— and
still trusting. Sometimes I feel that God has let me down too—like
when he does not answer my prayers the way I want him to. Then, I feel
like I do not know why I continue to pray. Still, I pray, even with
a renewed sense of how utterly I depend on God. He gives me what I need,
and I am afraid of how well he knows how little I need. He keeps showing
me I need less. He keeps showing me I need only him. This is the blessing
he promises: to sweep me off my feet like a lover if I will let him.--
Tom, Pennsylvania
There
are so many strong and familiar images this week. I always feel a strong
tug when I imagine Jesus in the synagogue announcing his mission in
the words of Isaiah. I think how he must have meditated so much on these
words and now he is ready. His gaze is steady. There is no doubt he
is announcing his calling. What do I need to do to respond … what
should I change to "tell the good news to the poor"?Then I
think of Jesus' view of investment. He certainly does not follow the
"diversification philosophy". The Kingdom of God is like the
finest piece of jewelry you could ever imagine … so fine that
you would sell everything … all your savings, investments, IRA,
401k, college fund in order to possess it. My financial advisor is going
crazy. "You'll never recoup this investment … you don't know
what it's worth …. at least in this world". Pray that I can
make that kind of investment. Following Jesus is not a part-time hobby.Then
at the end of the week, I get a real jolt. My younger son tells me about
some trouble he is in … reckless … thoughtless. I am so
angry that initially I cannot even speak. Then I am very clear …
I love him but he must see that actions have consequences and he has
to take responsibility. Our society is certainly one where diversification
of morals is a great thing … we invest our moral decisions where
it is most convenient. I tell him I don't see that way of acting as
consistent with God's call to us.But then I am back to the retreat and
Jesus' teaching on the hill takes full force. Of course, I want purity
… holiness … and Jesus promises that desire can be satisfied.
But don't get too self-righteous. You've said your piece. Now is the
time to be merciful. I also feel so poor because my own patterns of
sin earlier in my life could easily have taken me on the same road as
my son. Jesus sees my poverty of spirit … my disappointment …
my sorrow. He asks that I follow the road of peace here and keep my
strong views of what is right clear in front of me.This has happened
to me before. I start being with Jesus in the synagogue wanting desperately
to "free everyone who suffers and proclaim this is the year the
Lord has chosen". Then I am brought back to the here and now …
this is where you have to start it.
Week 22. Lord God, take me
over and be gentle to me. I beg you to heal and not to inflict. I know
that I am careless and even foolish, but have pity on me. I do not want
to hurt you and I do not want to offend you--but please understand that
I am mentally ill. I long for your love, but fear your power. I long
for your healing, but am afraid of the cure. Lord, take this body and
soul which I have desecrated, and make it acceptable. And if it be your
will, lead me to help others.Amen.
I am on week 22 of the retreat and I have to admit it has been a blessing for the most
part. I guess this retreat was meant as a preparation for me to know
who I am and who God is in my life. I have grown in faith and love to
the Lord never questioning any thing that has happened in my life. On
December 23 ny dad was diagnosed with Liver cancer with no hope. So
I prayed to Jesus and I entrusted my dad into his hands. My prayer was
that the Lord would spare him suffering. The Lord listens to the cry
of his people. On January 16,2006 my dad passed away peacefully with
all family members present. The lord gave him strength but also gave
me strength in that I was able to be with him in passing something that
I did not thing I would be able to do. I praise God for the 87 years
of life he gave to my dad and for giving me the grace to continue this
journey I started September 18. I miss my dad greatly but God assured
me through his word that he has gone to the home that Jesus had prepared
for him. I ask for prayers that the lord continue to strengthen me on
my journey.
God Bless
Pat
I started week 22 (very early)
this morning. It has spoken to me so powerfully. I recently reached
a point in a 30 plus year marriage where I did not want to continue
with the relationship. The marriage has never been a really close or
happy one. I knew when i married him that my husband had had a very
damaged childhood but felt that together we would bring security and
wholeness into each other's lives. Just over two years after our marriage
when I was expecting our first child, my husband had an affair. Of course,
when I discovered this (did he "let" me find out?) I was devastated
but my husband asked my forgiveness and I was determined we could build
a strong marriage in which to bring up our child. In recent years during
a bout of depression he told me that he had not ended the affair, that
he continued to see his girlfriend until she ended the relationship
sometime in the first year of our child's life. In fact, he went straight
from sharing the birth with me to his girlfriend and she was (unknown
to me) also present at another very important event in our lives just
before our baby was born....
Perhaps I am not good at forgiveness and like to let old hurts fester
as my husband claims but it seems to me that the pain would have healed
if the following years had been happy but they weren't. I always felt
I wasn't "good enough" somehow for my husband, that he was
always critical of me and I learned to accept far less than the marriage
I had hoped for as if I tried to make any demands, he would be angry
so I learned to accept whatever crumbs he offered. It was not the best
environment to bring up children and they suffered their own feelings
of rejection. We never had mutual friends, interests or a social life.
Throughout our life together I have had to develop these things on my
own and I recently reached the stage where I thought "what is the
point'. I even told some family and friends I was planning to separate
from my husband. However, I didn't want to pray about the situation
but recently I have begun to realize that Jesus loves my husband just
as much as he loves me (maybe more as he is a 'lost sheep', and has
not been to church in about 20 years). I went to confession this weekend
and asked forgiveness for hardening my heart against my husband. My
priest was so kind and gentle in his advise.
Then I started week 22 this morning and the message
spoke to me so powerfully. Jesus asks us to reject what the world might
call happiness and just keep our eyes on him. This retreat is helping
me to do that.
Thank you for putting it on-line where it reaches so many people.
"And then, can I experience these
words as addressed to my heart?"
One bright morning I started to read the scripture readings for week
22. "The Lord's Spirit has come to me, because he has chosen
me." Quietly these words became my words and I was praying to
the Lord. I was overwhelmed with an vague understanding of the
meaning of humility
One of the things that stood out
for me in Week Twenty-two of the Retreat was the prayer "Thank
You". How beautifully the words of this prayer express a wonderful
truth. God does indeed notice every aspect of who I am and when
God does take note of those parts of my life that I would rather hide
it is a true grace. It is only then that I can be open to accept
the healing that God can give. It is something for which I need
to offer thanks to God.
I was going to postpone my doing
the retreat through Lent, as I substituted other devotional material,
but after seeing the Mel Gibson movie, "The Passion of the Christ" I
needed to come back to this Retreat--the place where there is closeness
to our Lord, the place where I am reminded of his love, and the place
where I come to draw closer to Jesus at his invitation. The movie made
me feel separated from God by my sins--something I have almost never
felt in my life. The movie made me feel shame and guilt for my sin--something
that God has already cleansed me from in Baptism. I needed to come back
to this retreat to reclaim and renew my awareness of and acceptance
of God's unconditional and wonderfully arbitrary grace.
Week 22 is the perfect place to begin again.
In this 22nd week I have finally been
blessed with the vision of actually walking next to Jesus. In our early
20s I lost my closest childhood friend and companion to an auto accident.
Even now at age 66 he continues to be my companion.
This week's picture brought home to me the realization that just as
Raymond continues to be my frequent companion so too does our Lord Jesus
Christ walk with me and invite me to be his companion.
Thanks very much for this
retreat.I am in week 22 and I am beginning to accept myself,
with all my faults, all my fears and all my anxieties.It seems to finally
make sense that where I am is where I am supposed to be.'where I am
is the only way to my destiny. God gives me what to do in 'this place'
where I am.If I learn this I cannot but have peace in my heart.Once
again thanks for the retreat.
I was moved by the John Dunne,
Batter My Heart poem. It is so much of my relationship with the Lord.
So often, I feel married to the enemy and need Christ to batter me home.
I so much crave the peace of the Lord, it is a wonder I waste time on
anything else, but I do.
All the readings this week seemed to business-like and direct. Even
more so than the “call” of last week, this week seems to
indicate the responsibility and rewards of following Christ. I guess
it is the difference between the thrill of an engagement and the work
of marriage. All week long I have been looking at the picture of the
two, poor boys. They are on my work and home desktop. When hearing the
beatitudes, I see them in the crowd and in the thoughts of Jesus. For
me, they are now part of that scene in Christ’s life. These
two children have enough poverty that dependency on God would seem to
be easy. It is as if the beatitudes were written for them. I, on the
other hand, with my USA, wealthy life-style wonder if I fit in to the
group of those “who depend on Him.” Hopefully I will take
more opportunities in my life to know these two children. When I spend
time with them, I hope they can tell me about the day they were present
for the Sermon on the Mount. Week 22
For many weeks I continued to refrect
JESUS' words - especially in Mattew 5 - the 22th week. I kept on refrecting
what "poor and humble" means to me in everyday life. But it was very
difficult for me. One day when I heard the poverty of Franscican spirit
was based on Jesus' weakness and vulnerableness as a baby, I came to
understand a little what it means. and it helped me meditate this week.
The word "Just depend only on God " was striking my mind. I thought
I did my best and kept on doing in lifetime. but i didn't know that
the most important thing was to listen to my God's invitation and turn
to Him. I came to know that I have to change the way I live to become
poor and humble.
This is my 22nd week in the retreat
process. I have less need for food that is unhealthy for me as I want
to become leaner and more clear minded to better hear and feel the presence
of the holy spirit calling me closer. I stay joined even though I am
filled with the tension of doubt and fear. I am reading with more careful
attention and more understanding and belief in the love God has for
me in all my weakness. I believe that God is calling me through all
the weakness God accepts in me. I believe he has chosen me for some
work we will do together. Work that will be filled with difficulty.
I pray for the grace to hear the words that will lead me to where the
spirit wants me to be and do what the spirit wants me to do for the
greater glory of the kingdom of God.
I'm in week 22 which both challenges
and comforts me. I am challenged by the readings and reflections
to listen more closely to God's call to me; to love others as I experience
His love in my life. I am encouraged that God's knows my resistance
to follow this call, but calls me nonetheless. I am learning that
being poor in spirit is indeed a blessing; that God truly does provide
when I acknowledge my poverty. I am encouraged by the calling
to be a peacemaker as my husband and I try to do this for hurting couples
who come to Retrouvaille. May
we all be open to God's call to each of us this week as we continue
our journey. God bless each of you and me too!
This week was No 22 of
the retreat for me. As a doctor,
a patient came in to evening surgery who
has severe learning disabilities. Probably
because this man is so vulnerable
I felt very close to my Lord. The
patient cannot speak but grunts and
gesticulates. He is not attractive but
so obviously needs love that you
have an overwhelming desire to do
as much as possible for him in
his great need. He is not cluttered
with material possessions and up to date
clothes as is not capable of knowing
about these. In other words his
simplicity and lack of evil makes
him very lovable. He is also like
a child. It made me think of
Christ saying that the kingdom of
heaven is for such. What a privilege
we have in serving these patients
who are our brothers and can teach
us so much.
Week 23
Week 23: Week 22 led me into week 23 in such way that I did not do any work on Sunday. I had made the decision before Mass and the homily seemed to make the same call – spend time with the scriptures, prayer, Jesus. Talk about letting go. If I don’t work, how will it get done? I have survived one week and turned to Jesus more often. I am amazed at the outcome.During this week 23, because of this retreat, grace allowed me to stay focused to absorb the 5 readings about healing and specifically to ask Jesus to take my worries. To believe and trust. I could imagine me in each of the readings - Jesus healing me when I don't ask, Jesus healing me when I beg, call out, and when those who care about me take me to Jesus in their prayer. Slowly, I am awakening to see others with similar healing needs as mine. I feel the grace of serenity. Thanks to those that pray for those of us working on this retreat. Please keep me in that prayer as I experience what the next week brings. Joe
Week 23: I had some "healing moments" this week. I was feeling
a bit run down part of the week ... a combination of volume of things
I've got on at work and some intense conflicts on a couple of dificult
issues. This culminated in a meeting on Thursday which I found very
dissatisfying and I went home quite depressed.
I didn't sleep that well on Thursday night replaying the meeting and
on Friday morning I felt really run down like I was coming down with
flu. I was putting in the effort. I some meetings that I had to attend
but I was just putting in the effort. But at lunch time I had meetings
with with some people that really needed my help with problems they
had encountered. The issues were quite practical and I was able to give
advice and follow-up. Around 2pm I felt quite different. At Mass that
evening I realised that Jesus' healing presence is always with me. But
at its core this is a relational experience. When Jesus heals he helps
to reset relationships. I can very easily become self centred and quite
self righteous about my positions. But when I reach out to others I
really enter more deeply into that relationship with Jesus. I know that
this does not solve the difficult core problems I encounter every day
nor eliminate the annoyances and aggravations in some relationships.
But it does make it easier to say, "Lord, my life is in your hands".
Week 23 is truly a blessing, and a healing. I've often thought about
Jesus healing on the Sabbath and if he was teaching us not only about
the merciful healing in Him but also about God's merciful presence in
the gift of the Sabbath itself and our invitation to participate in
His mercy on the Sabbath.
-- Roger
Starting week
23 with the gospel of the Transfiguration on Sunday morning,
then reflections on healing with the retreat in the afternoon made me
aware of my own need for healing on a very deep level and the fact that
all healing is transformational. Healing is with God as we are transfigured.
In Monday's gospel Jesus instructs me not to judge and to forgive. Healing
continues as I stop judging and condemning my self and others and I
accept God's compassion for us. Thanks for bringing me here to be healed
in this community.
-- Roger
Week
23: Healing is about power/authority meeting need. This power
is compassion, and humility and it is able to flow through barricades
of law, ego-authority, mob hysteria…It takes place on an individual
basis of trust – an open heart and mind – transparency.
It is gift, and I am grateful!
-- Anita
Week
23 This was a peculiar week for me to settle on the reflection
on healing. I was sick and I don't usually get sick. I had to accept
that I needed to rest up and actually be taken care of.
Maybe that was not as bad a way to enter into the reflections. Too often
I want to do it my way and on my terms. I was annoyed that my plans
had to change. But Jesus' healing starts from that point. It starts
when I walk away from my dependence on myself. Then I see it reaches
beyond just physical healing to the core of what we need or indeed what
we are lacking.
Understanding the core of what we need or lacking is at the heart of
Jesus' process of conversion. I was touched by Father Gabuzda's reflection
this week in Daily Reflections which brought that out to me:
"So often we feel our enemies and persecutors have "one up"
on us, they are "at advantage." The hostility we feel from
them makes us feel that they have something, and we are the ones with
a deficit. Yet, here Jesus' insight into his enemies and persecutors
tells us that they are the ones lacking something: they don't know what
they are doing. They are empty, blind and ignorant. Tempted to retort
that our enemies know exactly what they're doing, we are invited by
Jesus to a deeper level. Yes, they may know that they are hurting us,
but from God's perspective, they are the ones who are hurting."
I feel particularly blessed to be touched in some ways by Jesus' healing.
I pray that as I recover from my physical illness I may also experience
walking with Jesus as he makes me whole spiritually.
I think I have spent
3 weeks on week 23. I don't think it was so different
than other weeks, but I got buzy, distracted, and I was intrigued by
my responce to Jesus healing. It seems odd even to me, but in one physical
area, I almost don't want to be healed. It is like I identify myself
so much with that aspect, that I can't imagine myself different. Will
I lose my identity? I am having such a struggle to pretend to be whole/normal
now, that I can't imagine giving up the fight and letting healing bring
me into an unknown, however wonderful that might be. I can say I want
to be healed, and that I trust, but I still have reservations. If I
am healed, then what more will He ask of me besides my suffering. What
courage those people had who actually came up to Jesus in public and
proclaimed their faith in Him. I have to confess that I may just be
the type of person who knows the words, but can't live them in truth.
Again, I have to realize that I can't even ask without help. I pray
that when God hears my prayers, He will look at the small portion of
sincerity and excuse the greater portion of pride. That would be a great
healing!
this
week my car broke down leaving me out in the bush for 6 of the days
at home. that drove me to the centre of my self. i encountered this
week the resistance i am very familiar with. the resistance to healing.
to the prospect of what being well could mean to me. and fear surfaced.
i have developed a life at last which feels do-able by me. a very quiet
and simple life. i am in recovery from drug addiction 19 years this
week and on a disability pension.
i imaged walking with jesus which is a comfort for me and has become
a rich experience in the last months . but limping a little . not asked
to do more than i think i can cope with. at last a rested woman leading
a kindly life and i seem to think healing would cast me back inot harshness
and pressures and into doign things which mean little to me in the world
out there.
most of the week i stayed beside him - not asking for healing. not touching
the hem of his garment. and as you have taught us - standing free within
the unfreedom of not being really whole.
in my life as it is i have plenty of quiet times for study and prayer
and i live in a very beautiful place. i have meetings and people and
am often amongst addicts needing help. i miss my family who are in other
places but we communicate frequently and are close in love.
i think being healed will mean i have to get a job which takes me away
from this .
so at the end of the week. im aware that i dont know that i do want
to see. dont know whether i want to walk. dont know that i do want the
pox removed which could give me no excuse not to enter into a loving
relationship which may be developing with a good man as this retreat
continues.
neverhtless i have said YES - and this means reaching out and touching
the hem. no courageous begging or yelling for me this week. but an hesistant
touch,
and i seem to glimpse what it would be like . that he wont leave me
to go on alone if i am well. that he wont direct me into work or a life
which is abhorrent to him or me. i am like a prisoner who is afraid
of the outside world or a patient long hospitalised . so i have merely
touched the garment fearfully .
i have also begun to see Him - as increasingly human. he tells them
not to speak but they are so excited that they do. and i see him going
off into the remote places because he , like us , doesnt have full control
of affairs nor full knowledge of whats to happen on this earth. i had
never considered before that he were asked to and had agreed to walk
in uncertainty and without using the power he had.
my prayers are with you all and my love .
-- Nell from tweed
I had
been going along seemingly without too much effort in reading and reflecting
on the daily scripture provided and also the helps given for each week.
Then my sister passed away. I had been appointed her primary care giver
and though she was in a nursing home there were many things to considered.
I visited her at least four times a week, saw that she was clean, had
proper clothes to wear, etc. She had good care and I was content to
know that she would live for some years. She was then diagonsed with
Alzhiemier's disease and lost her memory of current events very quickly.
For a time, she did not know any family member but gradually she came
to recognize me when I would visit. After her death, my reflections
on scripture stopped as well as the weekly reflections. None of them
seemed to have any meaning and my prayer was nothing but sitting in
our parish chapel and finding comfort being with the Lord. Then I discovered
that Week 23, the week I had been on, was on Jesus,
healing physical and spiritual ailments. Gradually, I began to read
and reflect again on week 23 and, thank God, started with the daily
reflections again. Something made me start again and I could feel the
healing that I need gradually taken place. I still miss my sister but
now I remember all the happy times we had together before she was ill
and not so much the last few weeks of her life. I hope, with God's help,
to continue the scripture readings and go on to reflect on the life
of Christ by following the weekly reflections of the retreat. I ask
for your prayers.
Catherine
When
Jesus healed the blind), Jesus “warned them sternly, ‘See
that no one knows about this.’ But they went out and spread word
of him through all that land.” (Matthew 9:27-31)All my life, I
have wondered at Jesus’ admonitions to keep silent about the healing
he has done, and wondered just as much at the disobedience of those
who have just received such a great gift! Indeed, anyone who spreads
the gospel seems to disobey this directive. It is one of those biblical
paradoxes that I don’t imagine I’ll ever understand.A few
years ago, I went on a weekend retreat where many of the participants
shared profoundly moving—even miraculous—stories of how
Christ had revealed his healing power to them. Many of us shed tears
of recognition, relief, and release; many of us had carried inside us
for years stories of healing that seemed too preposterous to breathe
aloud. How astonishing—that such miracles are so common!I imagine
that the blind men whom Jesus healed were so full of joy and love—not
only could they see, but they had seen their Savior’s love!—that
they could not contain themselves, even at Jesus’ request! They
are filled with something like young love, which so overwhelms the lovers
that sometimes discretion is abandoned. Perhaps such indiscretion is
a form of disobedience, yet wouldn’t it be wonderful to know that
enthusiasm where joy cannot be contained, where the love that has been
revealed to us must be revealed to others, where we can recognize and
proclaim and celebrate the miracles in our lives? Then, perhaps, people
would see us and respond as St. Luke describes the crowds around Jesus:
“Everyone was amazed and praised God.’”Tom, Pennsylvania
We’re
walking along the road with Jesus. I’m excited to be there with
him since I know his words touch me. I’m hungry for more and the
journey to Jericho is long enough that I’m hoping to hear more
of his teaching even if it’s informal as I follow him along that
road. Now it’s quite demanding to try to keep up with him and
ask questions and hear his responses. I’m not the only one seeking
answers. This is aerobic learning! We pass a blind man begging and he
asks us what’s going on. “Jesus of Nazareth is walking by”,
I tell him. Suddenly he starts shouting … “Jesus, Son of
David, have pity on me”. Now we can hardly hear what Jesus is
saying and I’ve lost my position close to him. I find this annoying.
He keeps yelling, “Son of David, have pity on me” …
others around keep telling him to be quiet. This only creates more noise.
I’m really getting agitated. Now he is really yelling and screaming,
“Have pity on me”. I utter a rather loud “Please …”
Then Jesus stops and asks me to bring the blind beggar over to him.
I gently lead him and Jesus asks him what he wants. “I want to
see”, he replies. Jesus looks at him gently and puts his hands
on his head, telling him in a quiet voice, “Look and you will
see … your faith has saved you”. The man looks up as Jesus
removes his hands from his head and he can obviously see now. He looks
so thankful.Jesus starts walking again and the beggar follows as I do.
It doesn’t really matter anymore that for this part of the trip
I hear Jesus. I feel different. I see more clearly myself. My own needs
were first even as I tried to be close to Jesus. That made me blind
to others around me even if they were yelling in my ear that they needed
help. May I follow Jesus now with my eyes and ears open to those around
me.
In Week 23 reflections, we were called to become more
aware of how Jesus loves us in the real scenes of our lives. I was amazed
and grateful as I reflected on each reading this week. In Luke 4, I
was reminded of two profound times Jesus came to heal me. Both times
were when I didn't know where to turn. Both times I begged for Jesus'
help. The first was when my husband and I experienced disillusionment
in our marriage (over 22 years ago) and He sent us on a Marriage Encounter
Weekend. The second was at the height of our daughter's rebellious years
(11 years ago) and I promised Jesus I'd never turn my back on Him again.
Both times of healing He evidenced to me the need for me to get a grip
on my self-righteous and judgemental attitudes so that I could love
my husband and my daughters as He does. Like in Luke 4, He ordered out
my evil spirits and gave me eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to
listen with love. As I reflected on those hard times, I can only remember
growing closer and more in love with Our Lord.
Reflecting on Luke 5:17 made me recall a similar remark to "We
have seen a great miracle today." It was a statement my husband
said a few years after my conversion experience in '95. Jim remarked
that he couldn't understand how our daughters had been transformed from
rebellious teenagers into mature caring women. I immediately told him
that it was prayer and the grace of God. I have no doubt that God was
beginning to transform me too since He'd told me to look inside myself,
to work on myself and to leave the girls to Him. By my listening, letting
go and taking a good hard look at myself, I've come to know how much
I need to be transformed.
There are times I feel ashamed (like Jesus' enemies in Luke 13:10-17)
when He reveals to me my rigid and anal personality. I tend to be one
who "does the right thing" or "follows the rules"
but at whose expense? my family, friends, co-workers? I still struggle
with being open, flexible and compassionate. I still struggle with materialism
and selfishness and yet I am so grateful for God's love, presence and
guidance. He's teaching me that there is only one way to bring peace
to my heart, joy to my mind, beauty to my life and that is to accept
and to do His will. Fortunately, I couldn't have a better teacher and
friend to show me the way.
How many times has Jesus healed
me in the whole of my life? He has healed me in physical, emotional,
and spiritual matters. I am still broken and will not be totally
healed until I can reach the point that I can become more and more like
Him.
Through this retreat, prayer, and the sacraments, I have come closer
to Jesus. I am truly grateful that Jesus loves us most when we
are broken, He does not give up. When emotional hurts from the
past and present come to the surface, it is there that I struggle.
It is easy to be loving when there is no "cost", but true love is very
costly. The prayer for generosity is one that I hope to pray and
hopefully internalize.
The lesson of love is a lifelong journey, not just for these 34 weeks.
I pray for the grace to love with more authenticity. I give thanks for
the opportunities to love, and to heal and be healed. Thanks for the
reminders to love and forgive those who Jesus loves so much. Who
am I not to love and forgive? Week 23
The photo for Week Twenty-three of the Retreat really touched me form the time that I first saw it.
My interpretation of the photo follows. The priest is extending
the healing gift of Christ to one man in the photo who appears to be
totally into the prayer with him. The other two people are intensely
and reverently waiting as the priest will soon come to them as well.
I can almost feel the power and presence of the Spirit in that place.
It is almost tangible as I look at the four people in the photo.
They appear to have a true sense of the Sacred in this prayer for healing.
So long ago I learned the poem:
I could not pray as one should pray
Nor trust as one should trust,
Until sin took my boasted strength
And dragged it in the dust.
I could not pity those
who fall
Until as they, I fell.
God has so many different ways
To save a soul from hell!
(Whitney Montgomery wrote the poem.)
This week (23) reminded me of the poem and my reaction to it.
Shall I tell how my reaction has changed over the last seventy years?
Shall I tell how my understanding has grown? Perhaps it would
be good to say I've learned my understanding has more, much more, to
grow. God loves me when I'm broken. God loves me into wholeness.
God has so very many different ways.
Week 23: love. I think it
is the most difficult topic. We all want love, to give and to receive
love. And we so often fail, especially to those who are closest - what
is love? I have been married for 24 years - the image of love seems
to change and often enough I ask myself if I actually love my man. I
really don't know. We share a lot, we have a lot in common - but love?
I truly don't know. Maybe wrong concept of love? (ie being in love?),
is love rather "agape" than "eros"? how can I combine both? is it possible
to have a combination of eros and agape for the same person over all
the years? In that case, we ought to be perfect... and then, having
a bad conscience having truly experienced the love of god (during meditation,
during communion) and longing for him, and not longing for my husband.
Jesus says, “Of course I
want to!” when talking about healing. The conflict between his
desire to heal, our desire to be healed and the amount of brokenness
in the world is too difficult to reconcile. Yet I know Jesus has touched
and healed critical parts of me. I have faith that he will do the same
for each person that opens themselves to his love. I pray he gives me
the strength to have faith in this and the ability to draw those around
me to his healing power. Week 23
In the 23rd week, I am feeling the
healing to be free from and to be free for. For over a year I
have struggled with depression over the loss of my professional identity
as well as the struggle to accept that I am no longer a young woman
with her whole life before her. At 58, I have decided as a result
of this retreat, to be honest and to give up my attachment to
the false image of my "self" that I invested the greater part of my
lifetime creating. I have dared to let my hair go to its natural
color, white, this is no easy feat for someone as vain about my appearance
as I have been. I am taking responsibility for who I am in the
world of the "ordinary" where I am no longer the "office" I held in
my career. I have become God's favorite child and rather than
try to control eveything, I have let go and give my trust to God.
I don't know what God expects of me at this stage of my life but I am
no longer deperate to forge a new worldly identity rather I wish to
be what God has planned for me.
I am in the 23rd week of this retreat.
My life is everything I dreamed it might be, after many, many false
starts, and many big changes in the "dream." As one of the fortunate
few, I am a professor and a social scientist -- a teacher. For
a long time I thought, just as in our Sunday reading from Mark, that
I should be promised an important place on this earth. And, it
was a gift from God that I actually achieved such an important place,
early in life -- early enough to see how empty most of our aspirations
turn out to be. And, it was a gift from God that all of my material
accomplishments were snatched away, as quickly as they came, leaving
only the memory of humans who were part of it. I miss the them. The
life I have now came after ten years of doubt, study, and a total revision
of my aspirations. After I reached the absolute bottomless pit
of human want and need, I met and married the most wonderful man.
We have redesigned our lives together, with our love and the church
at the very center. So, it isn't my life anymore -- it is our
lives together. I pray for each of you here -- a prayer that you
might also find the very center of your being and with it, the happiness
and grace deserving to all.
This retreat has been very helpful for me.
This week, Ash Wednesday, week 23 of the retreat for me, will
be difficult to forget - I live in Seattle, WA, where we experienced
quite a major earthquake that day. I was in a building on the
waterfront where windows broke out and shattered next to me, and all
the glassware broken during the quake. As I huddled next to the
wall hearing this noise and rolling with the earth, I was sure this
was going to end with all of us in the Puget Sound. But God's
protection was with us, the earth stopped moving and we all walked out
unharmed. Amazing! While there was a lot of damage in the
Western WA area as a result of the quake, injuries were few and minor.
There was only one death, that of a heart attack, in spite of much falling
debris and bricks and glass. My
prayer has become one of deeper gratitude for the life we have been
gifted with and that more people will come to the understanding of God's
special love for us through the miracles of that day. Thank
you again for this special online retreat - I am sure that my peaceful
heart during the turmoil of the quake was a result of the prayer that
I have been able to make part of my life over these last 23 weeks.
As I reflect on Week 23, I am challenged
to look deep to the spiritual/emotional cause of my chronic sinus problems.
For the first time, I saw that my selfishness, my wanting control of
my live may be a factor and that the sinus condition is simply the physical
manisfestation of deeply submerged inner pressures. As I meditate
on these words, I am trying to accept that Jesus loves me even with
these sinful patterns in my life; that he does indeed want to heal the
physical disdcomfort of the sinus headaches and pressure, but more than
that he wants to free me from the inner sickness. Although I have
worked hard at turning loose of selfishness and the desire to control,
I realize that I have not fully committed these two areas completely
to the Lord. Perhaps during this week of reflection I will have
the courage and the desire to do so. Dear
fellow retreatants, I ask for your prayers for me in my struggle as
I continue to pray for you in yours.
To the sex addict: Whoever you are, you are
certainly in my prayers. I think I understand what you're going through as I've waged a tremendous
battle over the past couple of years with my fears which seemed to have
had as terrible and restricting effect on me as your addiction has had
on you. My fears, like your addiction, have tried to tell me that they
are my authentic self and done everything to keep their hold over me.
But I made up my mind that I would let God take over my life, instead
of those immobilising fears. I'm on Week 23 of this retreat
and it is wonderful to meet with Jesus, the Healer, who is not afraid
to touch even those with awful skin diseases and so on. With His
help, the battle with those fears is being won. All of you out
there are in my prayers, and thank you all of you who have shared, as
I've found many of your stories nothing less than inspiring. We
all should be most grateful to the very gifted staff at Creighton who
have put this together and made it possible for us all to have this
wonderful healing experience, even all the way from Australia.
The words "Jesus Heals" have been with me
all week. (23) They call me, like a blinking billboard,
to look more deeply, to feel more deeply, and to finally approach the
One who heals by loving. I experienced a powerful sense of being
"forgiven" in the eariler weeks of the retreat. For me, this week
was not a return there, but something new. If Jesus heals, then
I don't need to be so afraid of following him more completely.
If I get hurt, Jesus is there to love and heal me. It changes the way
I think about how this retreat is going to affect how I live my life.
I've been just too afraid of being hurt, to be very courageous. The
other very simple grace of this week was to see more clearly that it
is Jesus that does the healing, not me. When I try to follow
him in loving others, I look at people in my everyday life differently,
particularly difficult people. Jesus is already loving them unconditionally
and offering them healing. I'm there to contribute to his healing,
by contributing to his acceptance of them.
I've been printing out the Retreat for people
in our Retirement Community who don't have computers. Last week
I developed a little survey and asked the retreatants to discuss them
at our Faith Sharing . Everyone expressed gratitute towards
those who shared online. (I read several to our group) One
woman (in her 80's) said that three three meetings each week are making
up for the education she missed from after high school to now!
Her husband doesn't come to Faith Sharing, but he reads all the material
and they share together. I
was particularly moved by the meditation on healing (23).
A few years ago, doctors didn't expect me to live. But so many
people were praying for me! Even Fr. Andy! Maybe my coordinating
this retreat is a way of thanking him for his prayers!
And thanking God for a chance to serve him. There are so many
things I can't do any more, yet God allows me to do this.
May you each hear your call from God. May he bless you especially
this Lent.
What a beautiful thing the Lord is doing
through this Retreat. The sharings are beautiful. Such honesty,
and genuine seeking. I am often moved to tears. Thank you
for your sharings. The expanse of this Retreat, it's immeasurable,
height, depth, and width of God's love and mercy, is feeding our spirits.
Praise God! Yesterday,
I attended funeral services for a young father of three who died suddenly,
quite unexpectedly or a massive heart attack. You can imagine
the grief! I'd like to say that underneath it all though, because
of the love and strength Jesus the Healer, has demonstrated (Wk.
23), somewhere in all of this I see His gentle mercy and healing
Love. My
point: this Retreat has empowered me to grow in my faith, so that
even in the face of death, I know He is in charge, and while we are
grieving, I know he cares and hurts far more for these children and
their mother, who've just lost their 45-y.o. dad. And, I know
without doubt ...... He has a Plan. And His Plan is for our (their)
welfare, not harm. His Plan is Perfect! |