Week
26
This week #26 has a feel to it that is very startling and heavy. I imagine that is as it should be. Yet it feels that I am being called out. To pay attention. To be quite serious. To be apart from the vanities of 'intellectualizing a commitment to Jesus'. This week it doesn't feel like I am 'shopping' anymore to find the Truth.
Often I get caught up in the words put to life on this planet. This week it is different. It is emotional. I feel like a coward in many ways. On the one hand I am wanting a deep and personal faith... and on the other it scares me. Would I die for a faith 'I want to have'? Being that death is on the horizon for every living thing, that it is as natural as the sunshine and ocean waves, am I ready to really believe?
It is difficult to imagine that I would be strong enough to die for a faith in eternal life. And from there I look around and I wonder who among us is? I see some I think might be that ready, that committed, that in love with Jesus, but I tremble at the thought of actually letting go of my vain perceptions and giving my life over.
I know my failures of the past. I am painfully aware of my limitations in knowing. Now, I am stunned by my limitations of faith. Humbled. Not wallowing in shame or cowardice. Honored to be trusted with the test. Afraid i won't pass the test.
Week 26: This week led to more “listening” than any other. I have been aware of several areas I must improve to help remove the obstacles that keep me from getting closer to Jesus. The grace this week has been to accept who I am and ask Jesus to help me with a particular struggle as soon as I notice what I am doing or what I did. Aware, Ask, Respond. Thankful.I feel thankful and very aware of the prayers that I need to help along. I believe that Jesus can and will heal me. Please remember me in your prayers. -Joe
Week 26 Jesus has told me he loves me. But have I loved him back? I don’t think so. I saw “The Thorn” recently. Wonderful play. I found myself being totally distraught when Jesus died and was gone. I wanted him back so badly. I was so surprised at my reaction. I don’t think I have ever felt that deep of a connection before. Not in any really personal way where I longed for his presence, his return. I was sad – so sad – and lonely. I am coming to know him as a real person who, like my husband, my soulmate, has gone before me. I know they wait for me. I know they are with me every day. I’m also coming to know that Jesus lived with a lot of confusion and trepidation as I do. Thank you for this retreat experience. I have enjoyed reading the sharing from “Nell on the Tweed” so much. It has been a gift from God. I love the images she envisioned and especially the insights about living a simple life and bearing witness to others from what she has learned. Thank you from my heart. --Lori
Week 26: Lent this year has been so meaningful for me, and I give much credit to this Retreat. It has been so powerful in a quiet, sneaks-up-on-you sort of way. One of the ways I am able to notice a change in me was, as I prepared my annual classes this month, teaching Scripture and Stations of the Cross for our RCIA and Adult Confirmation groups. I have done this for 15 years and this year I had so many new "inspirations" to revise the manner in which I wanted to teach it. Not only about the information but how my faith has grown. (I am so grateful that I found this Retreat & want to share it so much, that I wrote out the Web site on slips of paper and put them on the table for anyone who wanted to look this up. All the slips were gone at the end of the classes!) Thank you for all the many sites, the sharings and prayers, I suspect this is also going to be a powerful Holy Week this year. God's blessings to all.
This is my fifth year to make this online retreat and each year is totally different. I am reflecting on Week 26 and want to share how my life continues to change when it comes to being aware of other people's needs. I have a much greater awareness of God's presence in all of His creation, and have learned not to hesitate to help people when the opportunity arises. This week God made it possible for me to be a servant for a friend who had spine surgery three weeks ago. She is divorced and has a fourteen year old autistic child and a ten year old learning disabled child. These two children have tried to run the household after school while their mother is almost immobilized while recuperating from her surgery. Needless to say, they needed help. I am so grateful for being able to grocery shop for her and do mounds of laundry while cleaning the kitchen. I worked hard for two days. I came home both days feeling exhausted from all of the work, but good that I was given the opportunity to be a servant to a family who needed help. As I was leaving the first day, my friend looked at me and said, "Jesus has been here today." I thought about that on the way home and knew that Jesus' love was present in that home, and not merely because I was there to help. He was most present in my friend's suffering and in her two children who were trying to run a household on their own. All I did was take one little step by offering my help, and then followed through by giving my time and energy to make a difference in this family's life for one brief moment in time.
Hi! I am in Week 26 of the Online Retreat. I have been doing this retreat since Week 1 back in September. This is the first time I've shared. This week a particular reflection really struck me. The reflection talks about implications to Jesus getting into our hearts and lives as these implications also affected those whom Jesus first called. The closer we allow Him to come, the more we might wonder where the by-pass off this road is for us. There was a question which ended this particular reflection: "Is there still a call out there and in there?" My answer is still "Yes," but the fear and the desire for a by-pass on this road is still very much there.
Week 26: This week I definitely
relate to the problem the disciples have in arguing about greatness
and not seeing Jesus' resolute journey to Jerusalem and what it means.
In my moments of unguided reflection I still strive for some degree
of self-focused greatness. I
also relate very much to the blind man who is healed and can only
see vaguely ("the people are like trees"). I'm quite restless
this week (even though I am off work ... doing what I enjoy , fishing
in the name of renewal). But I'm back where I lived for over 10 years
and I guess I would consider home. When friends will ask me how I
am liking my new situation I am inclined to answer rather negatively
... To complain ... About roadblocks to getting things done (roadblocks
to my greatness). I realise again that I miss this place so much so
I'm resentful. But I know that I am where I am because I after a period
of discernment I answered God's call. So I am thankful that my eyes
have been opened but I need to trust that Jesus can again touch me
and I can see whole.Then during the
Easter Vigil I found one part of the Gospel compelling and relevant:
in Matthew's Gospel the women who come to the tomb are told to tell
the disciples to go on to Galilee where they will meet Jesus. Jesus,
himself, appears and repeats this message. I think of the disciples
as they are then. They have not understood completely Jesus' mission
to Jerusalem. Then in panic all except John have fled. Peter has even
denied being his follower. But it is to these people that Jesus will
reappear ... Not to a new set. Jesus accepts their misunderstanding
... He accepts their panic. As Peter preaches thereafter, "He
commissions them to preach to the people and to testify ....". So I ask that
scattered though my thinking and commitment may be I will follow His
call to travel to our Galilee of today and accept His commission.
I am in Week 26 at this
time. There have been many recesses for me since I began this retreat,
but right now things have been especially difficult and extremely trying
and I have resumed again. It seems that I never make any headway in
my spiritual life, and I guess that's the way it is with most people
as I read the sharings posted by others. One thing someone said is what
I feel about myself right now - I am just abiding with Jesus, not trying
to reach any certain goal today or tomorrow, trying to keep my mind
and heart open to whatever the Holy Spirit might send my way. I have
no one to share with, live alone & have been a widow with many serious
health issues for the last 25 years. I state this not for sympathy,
but just to say how things are with me. I try to think more of what
Jesus did and is doing for us, instead of focusing on myself & my
problems, and at times do get so discouraged. But then, what can we
expect of our weak, human selves? I will remember everyone involved
in this retreat in prayer, and hope you will remember me.
-- Nita
I am in the 26th week of
the retreat but I'm still finding patterns. I don't seem to find them---they
just suddenly pop into my mind. I realized just five minutes ago that
when I was a child I couldn't distinguish between a standard rule and
a temporary one. When my mother said, "Don't ask questions"
I thought she meant I was never to ask anybody a question unless he
or she was a school teacher!!! Once when we were getting ready to go
shopping she said, Don't you ask for anything or I'll slap your face"
I thought it was bad to ask for things. All of my life I have waited
to be told that I need this or that. I can't bring myself to say I need
this or that. I just "make do" until I absolutely have to
have something---even a pair of shoes. My son and my husband tell me
I'm tight, but it isn't tightness of money ---it's the tightness that's
been in my head! And one reason I'm ill at ease with most people is
that I don't know what
their taboos are. I never know whether I am "safe" in assuming
that their taboos are the same as those I carry. This is a "cross"
I should not be carrying! It isn't a Cross at all---it's like a piece
of a telephone pole full of splinters. If God has shown me this, then
I trust He will take it away from me. I am grateful,very grateful for
this retreat. Thank you for making it so easily available. Thank you
for all your holy prayers.
Week 26: There were a couple
of incidents along my journey of everyday life that hit me this week.
First, I was thinking about a new role that I am moving to in a few
weeks time. This move really started with deep reflection through this
retreat process last year. I started to have some strong visions particularly
about a direction we could take. I enjoy this creative process but then
I suddenly realize that this vision has me at the center ... and in
my imagination I receive a lot of adulation. I see very clearly the
trap that the disciples fell into. It's inspiring thinking about the
kingdom and what can be achieved ... yes here on earth ... but it is
easy to fall into the trap where it is not Jesus' journey but our journey
... a journey that only takes on the self centered.
The second incident was more mundane. I needed to rearrange my computer
and give the one I had in previous role back. I'm worried that I will
lose some things that I have come to depend on. I become frustrated.
Then I see that this is another seduction along the journey ... the
seduction where everything has to be perfect ... or at least how we
imagine our perfect world should be.
But that is not Jesus' journey. Then I start to think more about the
miracle of healing the man on the Sabbath at the pool. Why is it that
the man's relatives always just leave him there and in fact have done
for over 20 years. I interview them before the actual healing event
and discover that when they started to bring him the crippled man demanded
that they leave him there. He wanted to get to the pool himself and
over time that is the routine that they had struck. They knew it was
impossible and he was filled with even more self-loathing because not
only was he crippled and that was something that he felt he must be
responsible for but also he couldn't even manage to take himself ahead
of anyone else into that pool where he could be healed. He had almost
given up. But Jesus enters his life. It isn't so much that he's heard
about Jesus' miracles. It's more that he feels a strong attraction to
this man who seems to engage wide groups of people and not just the
very proper religious people who long ago ceased even looking in his
direction. Then Jesus reaches out to him. He realizes that this means
he has to depend on Jesus. He does ... he is healed ... and he is joyful
... even if the proper religious folks are disapproving because it was
done on a Sunday. Lord Jesus, help me to follow your way ... even though
I know that way is not the way of adulation and perfection as we would
want it ... it's messy ... but I know if I depend on you ... you will
help me leap where I never thought I could even enter.
Everything is gift and all gifts come from
God. During these weeks of the on-line retreat (I am now beginning Week
26) I have come to know why I was led to this retreat and to
the Ignatian format. Just before Christmas I was diagnosed with cancer,
cancer of the prostate. Now as cancers go this type by no means is the
worst and now after all kinds of testing I know it has been contained
in the prostate.
However this has been a great awarness for me as it has brought me to
that place now not only of my spiritual, moral, and at time psycological
brokeness but now to my physical. It has brought me to the space that
God has prepared for me to accept my human condition. This acceptance
is not one of resignation, but a peaceful acceptance of "brother
cancer" as a a guide for this next part of my journey. Like Peter,
I can say: "Lord help me I am drwoning"! I now know this is
not a negative statement but a statement by one who cam to know his
brokenness.
The gift of this retreat really prepared me to receive the news of my
cancer and somehow to neither fight it or flight from it. It has prepared
me to accept brother cancer in my true Franciscan heart and soul. Oh
the first few days were tough. I have a wife who has MS is dependent
on me for some care and of course I moved into what will happen if????
Our children all live out west and we are in New England. However the
more I made the readings my lecito for the day the more aware I was
of the Christ walking with me. The Christ who felt and feals the pain
I have been feeling, not phyiscal pain but emotional pain.
I am having a difficult time expressing what this gift of the retreat
has been, but it has been better than any, medication, treatment, or
surgery. I am not fighting the cancer as you hear so many say, I don't
have to fight, for Jesus of the water, Jesus of the light, is with me:
"of what should I be afraid?"
--Rene
Week 26: I look on the cross
and am challenged to place myself there, walking with Jesus and others
on the journey. No matter if I want it or find it a problem, I do need
the cross. Without the cross I can't grow. Without the cross I can't
understand the love of Jesus for us. I can't just stare at it, I need
to take it up too.
hello to all of you from nell on tweed. i
dont know what to write this week. im trying to do this as if i do not
know what lies ahead on jesus journey because i know there are ways
of seeing which i havent yet been blessed with.but this week - i havent
felt graced as i usually am. and at the end of the week i am sad. i
have lost my voice today and mebbe thats for the best. i can only continue
the following - without a voice for now. love to you all.
-- Nell
This past week, I have been struck by how
much Jesus’ journey to Jerusalem, with its healings of blind men
and instruction of the apostles, is itself a sort of parable about awareness
and presence. Jesus
is already suffering. He knows that his enemies lie in wait for him
and that they will kill him, but he goes to Jerusalem, not only to follow
the Law for the Passover, but to follow the will of God for him as an
individual.Meanwhile, the apostles are almost comical, childish: I can
almost imagine them SKIPPING down the road as they talk about who will
be greatest, who will get to sit next to Jesus’ throne, imagining
the GLORY that awaits them all. They seem so unaware of Jesus’
suffering or the reality of what awaits them that their behavior is
kind of like dancing through a rough neighborhood after dark singing,
“I’m in the money!”Although the apostles are not altogether
wrong about future glory—don’t we all hope for heaven?—they
are not being present for Christ RIGHT NOW, when and where he needs
them. Like them, I hope—and worry—about the future. I forget
that Christ is with me RIGHT NOW, that I need to be present for him
and present for others in whose hearts he resides. I must frequently
turn to him with my own “Lord, I want to see!” so that I
might know God’s will for me in THIS moment, be aware of it, be
present, be healed. Being aware and present and healed, I live in Christ.
This is what it means to take up my cross and follow him.
-- Tom, Pennsylvania - Week 26
Blessed Sunday to all those participating
in this Retreat - Starting Week 26 - and I'm trying
to incorporate all pieces of God's life into my own. It is a struggle.
My real-world analogy is a report I've been trying to finish for two
weeks: it is in pieces - one section here....one section there....the
connecting lines and themes seem very clear and then they disappear
when competing <selfish> activities win over "doing the right
thing." At week 26, I am still afraid of failure and I worry....paralyzing
my growth; afraid to take "the leap" because the unknown is
on the other side. Please know that your sharings are important to people
taking this retreat - like me. I find inspiration in your stories, I
share in your joys, and say a prayer when events/life are not at their
best. May God continue to lovingly provide the graces you need - not
only for this retreat, but for all you do.
Week 26. When I began this
retreat I was not sure how far I go with it; 26 weeks later, I really
look forward to each week. Today's teachings were especially beneficial
for me, for I was having a really pity party over being misjudged by
some of my own family members. Today I was reminded that as a follower
of Jesus, criticisms, false accusations, and misjudgments are to be
expected, but in surrendering it all to God and continuing to follow
in the ways of Jesus, he is the one who will exalt us. Like Peter, we
need to recognize who Jesus really is, but unlike Peter we must never
try to hinder his work in our lives. Following Jesus is often a painful
journey but the rewards are worth it.
At the end of Week 26 I
left for Florida for a few months, my computer in hand expecting to
continue with Week 27 in warmth and sunshine. Not so. At St. Cecilia's
Church in Fort Myers there was an invitation to join fellow parishioners
in a seminar on Salesian Spirituality. It just so happened that during
Week 4 of my retreat, (A Picture on Harmony) in response to the question,
who are the people who show us the way to getting it right for ourselves,
I had chosen among others, Saint Francis de Sales. I liked him very
much. My husband and I signed up for the seminar. (Hence the interruption
in my retreat} We read and discussed "Heart to Heart", a story
of Salesian spirituality. This prompted us to read St. Francis' own
words in his book, "On the Devout Life." It seemed to us that
this book was St. Francis' thoughts on implementing day to day in our
lives in a simple way, the challenges offered to us in the Spiritual
Exercises. St. Francis himself had made the Exercises way back in the
16th century. (small world) I wanted to share my experience with my
fellow retreatents. I have enthusiastically resumed Week 27 of my retreat.
Week 26: Suddenly, this
week is emerging as a turning point week. For the past month or more,
I have felt scattered, unfocused, undisciplined and unproductive, especially
at work. I have asked Jesus for redirection away from self absorption
and material focus. But my prayers for redirection have been half-hearted,
because I'm fearful of giving up material and career success. I have
been unwilling to move beyond these risks, to place full confidence
in the Lord. I aspire to this, and admire the courage and selflessness
of those who have made the leap, but I am not there, at least not yet.
This week, I began to realize that this time of self-doubt and confusion
has actually been God at work -- He's loosen the moorings. I'm still
stuck at port, but with grace and humility and courage, the letting
go will come.
Ted Loder's prayer, "Gather Me to Be With You" says it well:
"O Lord, release me
from the fears and guilts
which grip me so tightly,
from the expectations and opinions
which I so tightly grip,
that I may be open
to receiving what you give,
to risking something genuinely new,
to learning something refreshingly different."
During the 26th week of the retreat,
placing my life in GOD's hand is very hard for me. My God permitted
me to possess All I has had, such as prosperity, talent , my family
and even my life. In my thought I agreed with it, but actually it is
not easy to accept it in my everyday life. When My husband lost lots
of money because of investing on stocks, I couldn't bear getting
angry with my husband's being stupid. Throughout this week, " you are
thinking like everyone and not as GOD" , the word Peter was told by
Jesus impressed me deeply. So far I realized I was not thinking
and acting needless of faith. I always wanted to follow the spirit of
poverty that Assis's Franscisco said and acted in his lifelong and to
become ' the little one'. In fact, however, I never embraced the
little ones, except the money in everyday life. How graceful !!! How
thankful !!!
This week 26 has been full
of moments to reflect on the journey to Jerusalem in my life and others
lives. So much pain, in situations that require a surrendering
to God's will. These week I have seen my fears arise when total trust
is needed. Jesus asks what do you want me to do for you?
In situations that require facing terminal illness, stressful family
situations, and everyday tensions in home and workplace, I need to remember
to imitate Jesus. He kept faithful , he kept going, and he kept loving.
I ask for the grace to keep going , keep faithful, and keep loving in
my way to my own Jerusalem. I pray for all those people who have asked
me to pray for them as they face crosses. Alzheimer's disease, terminal
cancer, broken relationships, discernment issues of where to follow
and say yes.
I do find great comfort looking at the crucified Jesus on the cross
, knowing that He will not forsake us. Jesus is triumphant and will
lead us on to our victory over selfishness if we just ask Him . Lord
help me.
Beginning this week 26,
and reflecting on my growing desire to be with Jesus, to become more
like Jesus, and to answer the call to take up my cross. I am aware of
great tensions in this desire and some resistance. I am being tested
on different levels: physical , mental , an spiritual and at times become
absorbed in the difficulties instead of seeing this as a sharing and
growing intimacy with Jesus. It is easy to see suffering and pain and
darkness in the world, in others ,and in myself., yet it
is difficult to see these things without getting self -absorbed. I have
experienced first hand the feeling of redemptive suffering in others,
and have witnessed great faith, strength , and love in people in my
family who have suffered physically,or experienced great loss. I have
seen the face of Jesus in the suffering. It is in situations of injustice,
or when relationships are broken and unhealthy that I have a hard time
seeing those situations as clearly redemptive . So I ask for the grace
of clearer vision, in situations in my life, and in the lives of others,
and in the world that do require God's eyes.
I ask for the grace to keep giving ,and healing others and myself in
the midst of trials. I ask also for the grace to handle a family situation
without feeling resentment that others are not doing their part, that
I should rely on God to take this situation, and surrender my fears
and frustrations to Him. Praying for all . May we all take up
the cross, and let God carry us home.
Week Twenty-six of this
Retreat was one where I needed to once again confront my own hesitation
and fear of completely following. The questions about how I will
look to others, what will others think etc. are still part of my life.
I know that I need firmer resolve to go and do as Jesus went and did
what he was called to do. I thought about what it must have been
like for Jesus to know that he was going into his torture and death
with his trip to Jerusalem. I know that there have been a few
things in my life that I have dreaded doing and the anticipation is
horrible and if I found a way out, I sometimes took it. It would
have been so easy for Jesus to find a way out because he is God.
He did not have to do any of what he did because he had the power to
always do as He wills. How amazing and reassuring it is to know
that Jesus did not back down for me and went through the anticipation
and ultimately the horror of what it would take to free me.
Perhaps what happens as I go through
these past 6 weeks is this experience of being pulled-...drawn into
Christ, pulled into himself, drawn into his cross. The focus is
simply being with Jesus and Jesus with me. It is a silence, a revelation
of Jesus, that has me dwelling on his mystery--- and my mystery----
and a kind of preparation for something else that will cause my life
to change. I anticipate this, but I don't know what it is. For weeks
now, I am not moved to write or share, but just to dwell. I think this
dwelling praises God, is not self -centered, but self- gracing and God
-centered and meant to strenghten my heart for what will be forthcoming.
Way back in September, I had no real belief that I would be disciplined
enough to make it to week 26. Now I wonder what I will do when
the exercises are completed. May this day give praise to God!
Like last week, the retreat is
in lent, but the liturgical calendar is advent. So while the liturgical
calendar is full of hope the 26th week of the retreat concerns
the harsh reality of Jesus coming to his death. The conflict in
these two spiritual concepts has made me want to mentally reject one
over the other. Of course, I would rather hear the story of hope, so
I have not spent much time of the concepts suggested for the retreat.
Yet as I pray over the journey to Jerusalem, it does have something
in common with the hope of Advent. In the retreat Jesus enters the final
stages of his in persona earthly ministry. In this week of advent, the
readings concern God’s prepares for the in persona entry into
a broken world as savior and at the end of time. All three represent
a critical change for mankind. All three are decisions by God severely
change the world knowing such change will cause physical and emotional
upheaval.
While Christ makes his way to Jerusalem to meet his death, he does not
become pre-occupied. He continues to heal and guide. God uses
the birth of Christ as a healing of John the Baptist family, Mary, Joseph,
the shepherd, the Magi, and the world. And the last coming will be the
final, ultimate healing from the pains of death and sin. But all three
events have elements of loss, sacrifice, and suffering. Of these three
transitions, the one I can best understand is the trip of Jesus to Jerusalem.
Isn’t it ironic that I tried to avoid that topic during the week?
I guess I don’t like to be reminded that Jesus calls me to walk
toward self-sacrifice.
Lord, please aid me that I may face my fears and my obligations. During
times when I am called upon to give a small piece of myself in imitation
of your large giving, allow me to see beyond myself.
This week I started Week 26 of my
retreat, after a lapse of a year. I started this retreat in March
2001. As Fr. Gillick stated in the Guideposts for this week, I
think I took one of those 'Jerusalem by-passes.' Now after
a year I am ready to continue my journey with the Lord on this retreat.
I am in week 26 of the retreat and the
call from Jesus to follow him more closely is intensifying. I
am having to confront my fears; the feeling of powerlessness in surrendering
completely to Him. I want His Peace, I want to be in His will,
but at times I'm so afraid of what it will cost for me to enter into
this following Him. I want to cling to that absurd notion that
I have control over my life rather than embracing the life that He wants
to give me. I fear suffering yet I create suffering in my life
my resisting Him; not allowing Him to gather me into His arms
As I continue this retreat coupled with my 12-Step work, I pray that
just for today, I can turn over the control of my life to Jesus, my
Higher Power, and can be open to His gifts for me and to to live as
He would have me live in all the circumstances of my day. I pray
for you, my fellow retreatants and asks that you pray for me that we
can all have the courage and faith to go where Jesus is leading each
one of us today.
Week 27
Week 27: Trying to ponder being with Jesus during the last supper showed me how absorbed I am in myself and how his disciples were distracted by the bravado of the Psalms they sung during the Passover. It is so easy for me to interpret the Psalms as always meaning physical protection and domination rather than spiritual. My physical body wants to avoid being broken and having its blood poured out and my less dominant spiritual body (soul) wants everlasting life. Jesus has given me the grace to see and feel this struggle within me. This retreat gives my less dominant spiritual body a little say so. Today, September 1, 2009, the readings were so precise and helpful. 1 Timothy 1:15:17 and Luke 6:43-49 (especially verse 46) highlighted Jesus’ mercy and call while the Psalms 113 1:7 provide the background song in my head. I believe that Jesus will continue to have patience with me as I get my priorities messed up and I talk with him about my fears and what I want. He knows, as I know, that I will continue to argue and offer excuses, and want it my way. For just a little bit this past week, I was able to offer myself to others with love. As our morning prayer keeps asking, Jesus will you help me to clarify and purify my intentions? Please remember me in your prayers. -Joe
Dear Jesus, In week 27 our friend "can't see God." Please give him/her comfort in knowing that the light to see fluxuates from bright to dim for most of us. Joining the SJ's "ad majorem Dei gloriam" with the Prince of Wales' "ich dien": I serve to the greater glory of God; may help this friend see the Readers Digest version of this 34 weeks as a bite sized intro to finishing the journey.
Week 27: Jesus
gives us his body and blood as food and as example.
Jesus takes his LIFE in his hands and GIVES it to us. Awesome! Unsurpassable
love brings one who is GOD to do this. Two thousand years later we continue
to do this in memory of him. Two thousand years later God's love is
unconditional, personal, present. My return of thanksgiving can only
be that of the prophet, to strive to see Jesus more clearly, to love
him more deeply, to be one with him more completely. I know I am loved
beyond belief. His blood is poured out in forgiveness of my sins. In
his love I am whole.
Week 27: I had
a powerful image this week reflecting on how Peter learned from the
Lord in the washing of his feet. In the Acts of the Apostles we see
him healing the crippled man at the gate of the temple. I see him resolutely
look at the man and recall the strong image of service that Jesus had
passed onto him at the Last Supper.
Then
I think of how many times Jesus has looked at me as I "recelebrate"
His last supper ... How many times I have been touched and washed
clean. I pray that I can model Peter's resoluteness to service ...
Difficult as this is for me
Week 27 I am deeply
moved by Christ “removing his outer garment”. This powerful
action of His speaks of His desire to come close to me, to become transparent
in His love for me; it is an invitation to me of communion. Christ is
inviting me to be vulnerable and to not fear his tender touch. I am
like Peter – fearing vulnerability and tenderness, and avoiding
the issue by changing the subject…”why not wash all of me”…wanting
to control the parameters of encounter. Tenderness is heartbreaking
and is somehow mixed with sorrow and forgiveness…
-- Anita
Week 27: I realized
this week that I often get caught up on the events at the Last Supper
as social events. They certainly are a challenge on how to conduct leadership
and beyond that to our views of political power. But I found it helped
me to reflect beyond the humanity of Jesus. Where does this fit in his
divinity? Then I see that this is our God … he reaches out to
us …desires to touch us. I ask myself then so "What does
that do for me?" I feel that it forces me out of the self-serving
… diversionary aspects of life … to want to confront …
be there at the deeper aspects of our lives … the places I would
rather ignore. I see the strong contrast to my own self-serving ways
... of how I become expert at rearranging my life for what I personally
want. But Jesus reaches out to gently rearrange these self-serving ways
so that I must serve others ... for Him ... not for my own cause. "Lord
Jesus, let me step out of the room with you and stay awake long enough
so that I can walk with You".
I'm in Week 27 of the retreat, and I don't feel like I am making any progress. It's
hard for me to stay focused and to reflect during the day, because I
get so wrapped up in day to day events. I hope the effort I am making
is pleasing to God. Many weeks I struggle with setbacks and depression,
yet I keep pushing forward, hoping to find some fruit in all this mess.
The days are getting warmer now, and I hope my heart is also warming
up to God. I pray for true freedom.
Dear Jesus: Thank you for giving yourself, letting yourself be broken
for me. Give me the courage and determination to follow you in your
mission. Help me to understand the true meaning of your words. Only
you can wash me and make me truly clean. Forgive me for all the times
I have betrayed you, left you to follow my own path and desires. I want
to return to you and be with you always. Help me to know how you want
me to serve.
Week 27, a time
to just be with Jesus. I am really pleased that was the theme this week
because I was getting tired. I still want to continue and be involved,
but it sometimes is difficult, and I find myself starting over and over
each week. So I sit with Jesus and let him minister to me. Tonight I
had the pleasure of being at a Christian meditation service. This was
special because it was a concrete image. No great effort on my part,
just Jesus ministering through song and image, the cross. I couldn't
actively participate because I couldn't read the sheets. There I was
and there He was. But if I go back to the readings this week, about
the last supper, Jesus wanted someone there for Him, and it didn't happen.
He ended up alone. His friends deserted Him, physically and emotionally,
while He waited for the cross. How many times do I desert Him. So many
times I think of only myself, and my needs. I know Jesus was tired.
He even had the horrible knowledge of exactly what was going to happen
to Him, and He was going through it all because of us. How could we
ever equate our tiredness to His? I really don't have much to give,
but if it helps, Jesus, I can offer all my being here with You.
greetings to you all from Nell
on Tweed. this is the end of week 27 for me. i am becoming
more and more quiet as the retreat progresses and very conscious of
the presence of jesus in my life. this week i could feel my head drop
with easing of tension as he smiled and sat at my feet . and even knowing
that things were now becoming very serious i could feel the companionship
that will take me through anything that i am led into. it was a week
of deep inbreathing sighing for me. Another thing that happened was
that when i ate or drank this week i found myself REMEMBERING. i eat
and drink alone most of the time and live a vsry solitary life and this
week it were as if i were with someone i had shared much of my life
with and we sat and remembered. all the doings and happenings which
have brought us together to this point. i also have very little physical
contact with people and the sense of a beloved companion resting with
me before the next great adventure was very physical. a good few tears
this week and physical sickness again amongst a deep peace and a lot
of laughs and smiles for othertimes. i know i dont understand the cathoilic
education that might direct this more clearly but it means a great deal
to me . my love to you all
-- Nell from Tweed.
“Judas took the piece of
bread and went out.” What
does it mean for me that Jesus did not refuse to give Judas a share
in the First Eucharist? Sure it is a sign of great hope.What does it
mean for me that Judas “took the piece of bread and went out”?
Did he consume the Bread of Life? John only tells us what he saw, and
it is a troubling detail. I think it is a reminder to me that one of
the most important ways that I can witness to my belief in Christ is
in that simple act of consuming the Body and Blood of Christ in the
consecrated host. It is a public act because the bread that is now his
body is not just for me, but for the life of the world. Indeed, it has
long been one of my favorite moments at mass to watch all of the communicants
receive and then walk by, returning to their seats with Christ living
within them. I am mystically united to every one of them at that moment
in the body of Christ. It is a source of great and quiet joy to see
them and remember this. Christ extends this opportunity for unity even
to Judas.
May we all be one!
-- Tom, Pennsylvania
This week's retreat I felt very
powerful. Over the last few weeks I have been asking myself if what
I am doing in my work is really useful and what might be alternatives.
This week I somehow feel energized ... not because I get a direct answer
to my questions about whether what I do is useful but because I hear
Jesus' call to "usefulness" by giving up selfishness and moving
onto selflessness.
I feel myself there and feel Jesus' anxiety. We know that leaders' anxieties
"infect" their followers. So I am disturbed. I promise that
I won't betray Him ... but that is more to provide comfort ... have
I really thought through that it is not only the big betrayals that
I am avoiding but also the little everyday betrayals as well. So with
the disciples I try to comfort Him ... hope it will be different and
then know that in the washing of feet ... in His gentle instruction
on serving others ... in the breaking of bread and sanctifying wine
... Jesus' resolution is firm ... and I must follow.
Thank you for providing this Retreat.
I am reflecting this week on the
passion of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ who died for me. He gave
up everthing so that I might have everything. At the same time I think
about my life. When I started this retreat I was battling depression
but with the grace of God he saw me through it. No sooner than that
happened I lost my Father. It seems that I am been bombared with no
reprieve. Then I loom to the cross and realize that the Lord had no
reprieve either. He just says pick up your cross and follow me. I guess
I wanted a magic cure or I quick fix. But that is not what it is about.
It is about me picking up my cross and following him who promised me
eternal life.He calls me to pray each day and when I have moments of
dispair or anguish I give it to the Lord and pick up His yoke for it
is light.Jesus thank you for suffering and dieing for me. Help to embrace
the crosses and sufferings that come my just as you did.
Jesus I love You Amen
Pat, Toronto
I was struck today when reading
the practical help page for this week by the image of Christ as a servant:
a washer of dirty feet, a shoeshiner. I am disabled and work (quarter
time) at a kitchen in a residence hall for the disabled. I never thought
that preparing and serving food could be so rewarding. I have been told
that the meals are very important to the clients who live there. They
look forward to eating. So its very gratifying to my work associate
and to myself when they enjoy what we've prepared.
Yesterday, I was payed a visit by one of the case manager's who handles
our employment. She meant business and was going to find out why the
office staff had been complaining about us. I was able to convince the
case manager that my work associate and I were doing our best and that
we had a good attitude about the work. After she left, I was bothered
by the fact that the office staff's opinion of our work seemed so different
from the feedback that we received from the clients. But I have concluded
that this is "part of the deal." To be a servant like Christ
does not mean that you receive compliments from everyone. As simple
as the task might be, we carry it out in a complex reality where there
are plenty of toes to step on. I believe, by the Grace of God, that
this job is helping me to work out my emotional problems.
I found this week difficult. I
can relate clearly to the disciples this week. After all they have just
found what they believed was "the answer". Their lives are
renewed … they are learning … growing … seeing possibilities
that they never thought possible. Political transformation is possible
but so is personal transformation. Then the thinking … "how
far can I go?" … all the way? Then
there is the reality of Jerusalem … Jesus' real destination …
isn't this avoidable?This struggle emerges in the midst of my travels,
which is a business trip to Europe. We spend the weekend in Mallorca
where a close friend stays. I like returning to the island. I start
to imagine a life here … get a couple of board jobs … fly
off to London when I want … go back to US to my other house when
we want … sounds possible. But is it really what Jesus wants?Then
I participate in a conference on "leadership and peak performance".
I find some of the speeches quite motivational … a female climber
describing her journey to the summit of Everest (twice!). Lots of imagery
about overcoming struggle … testing yourself … being the
best you can be. Then a championship driver describes how he prepared
himself, his teams and his organization to win … over and over
again. I can relate to this. I want this. But is this what Jesus wants?I
struggle continually with the "god of success" and the "god
of perfection". I realize I always want to be in control …
and I want to be on top. So where is the Cross in this?In trying to
be in control but at the same time move beyond the disciples' misunderstanding
I find myself getting frustrated with some parts of my work. Why do
I really have to pay attention to some of these things? At this point,
I find it helpful to see myself as "servant". Seeing myself
as a "helper" is a motif I have worked with as a leader. I
return to that again. So when I take time to clarify an issue, which
I initially thought was quite simple and an annoyance to go over again,
I am serving my team. When I'm taking time to talk to a disgruntled
employee, I'm serving their needs.I can hear Jesus' call to follow him.
Could I give this up … these yearnings … strivings? The
pattern is deeply ingrained. Sometimes I feel that I am closer to the
blind man whom Jesus heals and sees the world again but only as shapes.
Am I seeing the poor only as shapes? I pray for Jesus' healing touch
again … so that I can give up my yearnings and strivings to him
…let him be in control. Let the world take new shape again.
There have been countless opportunities
for prayer as well as praise. As I companion an elderly gentleman towards
baptism at Easter, I reflect on how meeting and falling in love with
Jesus has penetrated deeply into my heart and life. What joy I receive
each time I open the Bible with the baptized and not-yet baptized persons
who grace my life.
This week a bit ahead of Holy Week, meditating on Jesus washing the
disciples feet will be most helpful in getting me through what I know
is going to be a very busy week.
I keep you all in prayer and look forward to hearing from you.
-- Maureen
WEEK 27: I preside at the Eucharist in our parish community regularly... I say
the words of Christ in the Eucharistic prayer. But is my life like that
of the prayer that I pray? Am I taken, blessed and broken for others?
Is my life really in memory of him who gave everything for us? Often
not.
Week 27 of retreat made
me renew my faith.
Almost every day I go to mass and take holy communion.
But so far I found out that I never realized the real meaning
of the bread and the wine.
When I discoverd that I habitually went to mass, I was very sorry for
JESUS. And it probably is why my everyday life was not much changed
, although I went to mass hard.
Now I came to know that I must have in mind the image of JESUS as the
foot washer , servant. From now on I am sure to remember that Jesus
is calling us to be taken, blessed, broken and given, that our lives
might be poured out in service of others during mass.
" DO THIS and REMEMBER ME"
Week 27: It has been a rough
couple of weeks. Various difficulties have caused me to lose ground
with the retreat and prayer. I need to pray more, not less during times
when I am feeling like I am going backwards instead of forward.
I did try to place myself at the last supper tonight. It was difficult
because right now I feel like all the work I have done to become a disciple
is now being tested. I know that old ways of responding have been rearing
its ugly head. How I need to have Jesus wash my feet, yet I pull away
in fear that He will see the ugly calluses( my sin, my lack of trust,
my inability to erase scars that I have caused, and scars that I have).
Do I hide, or do I go to Him and lay my head on His shoulder as John
did?
Jesus ate and drank with sinners, He knew all of the human failings
of His apostles and yet He still gave thanks, and shared Himself with
this lowly group. I am very low right now, feeling unclean and
unworthy to be with Jesus. I beg for the grace to go to Jesus and place
my Head on His shoulder in the sacraments, and ask for forgiveness and
strength for the journey. I feel weary and not able to do this
without Him. He is asking me to accompany Him to Calvary. Why is this
so hard ? Especially in the most intimate relationships, where deep
emotions exist. Why do I not respond in love or at least in trust that
Jesus will make all things new? My self , my wounds scars and
ego cause me to fail. I need to REMEMBER HIM. He asked us to do this
in remembrance of me.
I ask for the grace to REMEMBER HIM, especially in those times when
I am being tested. I feel that I am being tested in a great way right
now. I have failed, by lack of love, in fact I have resorted to hate.
Just like Peter in the Garden of Gethsemane, I too often want to cut
off people when they taunt out of their own woundedness and sin.
I pray for the grace to act in union with Jesus this coming week to
reach out with love, when my base instinct is to lash out. I pray for
patience and clarity in doing what I should do , follow the commandment
of love whatever that means in this situation. God bless all who
are making this retreat.
Thank you Jesus for loving me so much that you will wash me clean, so
that I can serve and love you.
Week Twenty-seven of this
Retreat calls us to contemplate the Foot Washing. A line of "In
These or Similar Words" really stood out to me that read "I realize
that the places where I can let you love me the most deeply are the
places where I am embarrassed, the parts I want to hide from others,
my weaknesses." This is a powerful statement that helped me to
realize that Jesus already knows those places and wants to help me there
and that instead of trying to hide them from Him or pretend that they
do not exist before Him I must acknowledge them and allow His love and
presence to transform my perception of them. Only then, can I
fully accept the love and guidance of Jesus in my life.
To be at the Last Supper with Him.
To be the one to betray him. To be the one who would not allow him to
wash my feet, yet I would soon deny him. To be the one “whom he
loved,” but who did not stay awake with him or stand by him. To
be one of those who sat through a turning point in history yet remained
unaware of its significance until a Pentecost. I am reminded of the
portrayal in Jesus Christ, Superstar of the Apostles at the Last Super
acting like drunk, oblivious fools. What a life of foolishness and sin
I have been born into. Had it not been for you Lord, I would never have
overcome the worthless aspects of myself to see the value within me.
I am so valuable you fed me with your body and blood. I am eternally
humbled and grateful. Week 27
This week we reflect on the Last
Supper, from the foot-washing to the ‘bread and wine become body
and blood’ to the identification of the betrayer. The broken record
in me (about God’s timing) played again. I had been thinking about
how far I have come when something I had done months ago came back to
remind me how far I have yet to go. Then today’s readings included
Jesus’s warning to those who seek to remove splinters from a neighbor’s
eye while ignoring the plank in their own. I know I have been on both
ends of that kind of blindness. My prayers this week have been for an
opening of my eyes to my ‘blind spots,’ for the graces of
a good foot washing, and for the courage to offer myself in service
as Christ did. Such a long way to go – Lord, help me.Week 27
I am in the 27 week of this retreat.
WHAT MARVELOUS GRACE I GOT! I got possibility to love and to embrace
the people. Please, imagine me like person who was in the beggining
of this retreat full of anxiety and despeartions. I couldnt accept people
around, they were irritated me and made me nervous. NOW, I can really
feel WHAT LOVE IS and I decided to spent my life in service others.
It makes me happy, full of joy!
I’m nearing the conclusion of my 66th year
on earth and the 27th week of the retreat.
Even with ups and downs my life has been blessed with good parents,
a loving wife and children, and certainly I’m not forgetting good
health and a successfully completed career. The
realities of every day life, the good and the bad, present a challenge
and question as to where my religious faith really plays a significant
role. Yet, I continue to seek the grace to identify my mission
for whatever time remains. In the retreat meditation of Cardinal
Newman maybe I’ll never know in this life. The retreat has
thus far led me to pray for trust that I am now or will soon be doing
what I should.
week
27 of the retreat, about Jesus
being recognised by the breaking of
bread, a flood of gratitude hit
me when this sharing action of the
child took place. In fact some glucose
was desperately needed making the point
even more relevant. As I accepted her
offer and thanked her the little
girl gave me a gorgeous smile and
Christ was seen in her for a brief
moment. The whole incident made the
rest of the work so much easier
and lightened the burden of the
day.If only we could be like this
child in her generosity, simplicity, willingness
to share and trustfulness perhaps we
would recognise Christ more easily and
life would be more meaningful
for everyone.
This is week 27 for me. I've
been here longer than 27 weeks, though, since some weeks were much longer
than others. Today my father-in-law passed away. He
was getting out of bed, and died lying sideways on the bed with his
feet still on the floor, his glasses on, and the walker situated for
him to stand up where he had sat on the edge of the bed. He lived
alone, and though none of us, his family or friends, were with him when
he died, I am comforted to know he was not alone. His name is
Josef, and he told me yesterday (Tuesday), on the phone that the day
before was his patron saint, Saint Joseph's Feast Day, and that he had
asked Saint Joseph to look after him.
My father-in-law was 86 years old, and he died
of congestive heart failure. He had shared with me several weeks earlier
that he was afraid of falling and not being found or of losing his faculties.
He was found shortly after he died by the visiting nurse who had come
to check his blood pressure. He had not fallen; he showed no signs
of pain or struggle. He had been of sound mind. Surely,
St. Joseph accompanied him. Surely St. Joseph was at his side,
in God's presence; and he died not in fear, but in faith
with God's love abiding.
The On-Line Retreat, Daily Reflections,
Lenten guides, and another site - Sacred Space - have been a source
of self examination, of love and of guidance for me -- for me it has
been an all encompassing journey. It has given me more depth of
knowing and comprehending the first prayer my mother ever taught me
-- "Ich bin klein. Mein Herz ist rhine. Kann niemand darin
wohnen, als Jesus alein." She translated it for me -- "I am small,
my heart is pure. No one lives there except Jesus." I am not a
Roman Catholic (a Missouri Synod Lutheran/Episcopalian). My father-in-law,
a very learned man -- a scientist -- was Roman Catholic. We talked from
time to time about God and prayer -- faith and our spiritual selves. |