Week
28
Week 28:
My focus this week became the Stations of the Cross.
I could easily put me in the place of those that left Jesus to hide, to survive. I could see me as Judas. The Stations of the Cross in our Church’s building became alive and my attention moved to them during some of our prayers and songs. There were many connections to the Stations and this week’s Liturgical readings, the Eucharistic Prayer, and Communion. Mary’s continued faithfulness and actions showed her courage and lack of fear. I felt my fear. It seemed that the Resurrection somehow concluded each entry into the Stations in my thoughts. My prayers were of thankfulness and filled with awe at the continuous forgiveness that I receive from Jesus while I struggle to forgive others for some of the most minor “hurts” to me. At times I would see glimpses of how others have been so willing and able to forgive major pain and suffering caused by another. There seemed to be a sense of freedom on the other side and yet an iron veil blocks me from moving out of my self -centered ways. As I write this I feel thankful, hopeful, and fearful. I am so aware of the forgiveness, prayers and support that I need from others and awakening to realize others might need mine too.
-Joe
Week 28, As I reflect on this past week, and Jesus's surrender all I could think about was his total surrender to God's will, His fathers will, his plan for him. I pictured Him praying in the garden so alone just surrendering giving His life for God, for us! I got down on my knees just to be with Him to pray with Him and just wept, sobbed for Him, for me and asked forgiveness for every sin I could recall and surrendered my life to Him as best as I could, but it's so hard being human with all of the temptations surrounding us....but it was a start and I am so aware of His Presence within me now at ALL times. I love you Jesus please fill me with your Presence, your Light, your Love, please be with me as I pray with you, sit with you, love you. Amen...Happy Easter everyone. --Patti
Week 28: For a long time,
I have focused on the first sorrowful mystery of the rosary when I say
the sorrowful mysteries, for that seems to me to be the worst of the
pain that Jesus had to go through. While the rest would have been terrible
enough the agony in the garden must have been even worse. And so when
I say that I lived through a miniature life story of Easter this past
week, and yes it seems that the Lord must still be providing living
parallels to the exercises, I realize that it would have been a tiny
parallel, yet it provided an Easter experience to go with the guidlines.
The story in brief, is that a gopher had taken residence in a hole at
the base of some steps leading to the entrance to a set of apartments
in the building where I live. For about two months, I had slowly grown
attached to the gopher and had given it the name of Goofer, because
I thought it was a goof up to build a nest where it did. Anyway, for
about a week before this last one it had shown itself as a mother of
5 pups, and watching their antics added to my fondness for them. Then,
this last week while I was concerned with the final days of Jesus in
the exercises, I came home from Church to find that Goofer's hole had
been covered with gravel and had white crystals around it. Convinced
that Goofer had been killed, I felt awful for the rest of the day. Then
the next morning, I saw Goofer. She was alive and had dug the gravel
away from the hole, and I experienced a joy that she was alive after
all.
Though in tiny miniature, the parallels between what I experienced and
what the apostles may have experienced led to a deeper understanding
and feeling for the Whole Easter Event. It is, though something that
I need to keep in focus the why of the decisions that I have made, and
to develop a trust in the Lord.
--Quentin
Week 28: Somehow stopping
here made the transformation of the Resurrection even more remarkable.
The betrayal, pain, the agony are not less real because of Resurrection.
Peter clearly preaches Christ Crucified and Christ Risen after Pentacost.
So I stop here again and wonder at God's Love. Betrayal, pain and agony
are still visible today around us. I need to feel God's enduring love
there still. I see also even more acutely my self-centredness which
causes me to walk past to avoid the Crucifixion scenes . I promise to
renew my trust in God in that very scene even though I do not know where
that trust will lead me ... Except it will lead somewhere ....
Week 28, Easter week and
I reflect on the suffering of Christ's passion and the joy of His resurrection.
A great sign of God's continuing love for us is in the fact that after
suffering and dying for us, Christ could have continued into the kingdom
of heaven to reign in glory with his followers but he came back among
us. We have already received his teaching and healing yet he came back
out of pure love so that the light of His love would illuminate his
creation. He is the light of the world.
-- Roger
I'm doing Week 28 over because
last week was hectic and I didn't spend enough time on the Retreat.
However, this morning it struck me that pain inflicted on us by others
reverberates, but we can stop the reverberations even though we have
no control over the inflicting source. The natural but ineffective way
to stop the reverberations is repression ---"I don't care!!!"
That just makes things worse. Reverberations can be stopped by forgiving
the source, and the forgiveness has to be Christian love. Forgiving
is something like turning a destructive power into a good power by offering
it to the suffering Jesus and having it turned into the power of the
Resurrected Christ. I can't say that I understand this, but I have glimpsed
it this morning.
As I look at the picture of the tortured
man and women I try to imagine being there w/ them. My mind seems to
rush all about. I imagine me doing some heroic deed only to have that
image replaced w/ one of me running away in fear that I may be tortured
too. My mind is trying to protect from the feeling of helplessness the
picture evokes. Then grace comes to me w/ the strength to stay a moment
w/ my helplessness. There is nothing I can do. But then I'm graced again
w/ the thought that I can kneel and pray for them. I pray that Christ
be w/ them in their suffering. I pray and pray w/ everything I have
and I'm able to endure the the injustice and horror of this scene.
Thank you Dear Lord for helping w/ this exercise. Bob
greetings from nell on tweed. for me this
week matched september 11th and the two things for me are similar in
that i am not simply turning my eyes away from the things i have previously
found too diffiuclt to look at. so i have breathed into the stations
of the cross which are unfamiliar to me. and i have also watched 9/11
shows. its also 5 years since my mothers death.
once again i know i am a novice in these matters and will not try to
write much because i am learning from you.
i think i was fairly stuck in the garden and in the agonising into surrender.
there were a lot of concepts in that week. and im sure they will filter
through in coming weeks. i continue to learn the love of a woman - walking
behind and 'ministering' and holding the tensions and energies and pain.
i consider this a grace for me. i have always felt i must DO something
to fix things. now i understand the passionate love of the one seeming
to do nothing. my love to you all
--NELL. from tweed.
I want to share three thoughts. First:
when I suffer, I feel profound tenderness and affection for those
I love. I imagine our Lord had similar—though infinitely more
powerful—feelings on the cross. Like someone told me once: when
you hear the song ask “were you there when they crucified my
Lord?” the answer is YES!—the faces of each of us were
in his Sacred Heart.Second: I saw
a presentation of the Stations of the Cross this past week, enacted
by some students at the Catholic school. At some point, I could no
longer bear it, and closed my eyes. How difficult it is to be present
to the ones we love when they suffer! What courage, what strength
Mary must have had to accompany Jesus on his way and to stand beneath
the cross! Mary! Give us your courage and strength to stand with you
and be present with Jesus and all who suffer!Third: I went
to confession this week. Due to circumstances beyond my control, this
was not my usual confessor. I was struck by the way he empathized
with my sins—not excusing them nor condoning them, but acknowledging
his own humanity, his own inclination to sin, his own struggle. I
was amazed by how comforting I found this and realized that the comfort
lie in the priest’s imitation of Christ: though one with God,
he became human. In that priest, I saw Christ, felt the consolation
of Christ, more clearly than I have in a long time. All because he,
like Christ, shared my humanity. And in sharing my humanity, he showed
me divinity: Christ’s, the priest’s, and that to which
even I became heir at my baptism. What a tremendous gift is the humility
of Christ. And what a tremendous gift is the humble priest!
-- Tom, Pennsylvania
Again I
wonder this week where Jesus' thoughts really are on this journey.
Are they on his resurrection or on his suffering? I want to think
resurrection because I want to avoid suffering. But I know there is
no resurrection without suffering. Jesus has to be true to His Father
in all ways. Then as I do the Stations of the Cross, I wonder where
am I really in these scenes? I'm probably with the disciples ... not
present ... full of great hopes for transformation ... but on my terms
... my priorities ... and not Jesus'. Then I'm asked to reflect that
this is for me ... how can this be? Please, I beg, you don't really
have to go through this for me ... I'm not worth it. But Jesus' still
calls gently ... just as he called John from the Cross. If this is
how much He loves me ... what do I really have to do to return that
love?
Thank you for letting me be part of the group.
I am about to begin the 28th Week, and I hope to continue
reading all the material I have downloaded so far.
Actually
I shall restart all over after the weeks are over, because i feel
i have been mechanically reading and not doing much in practice, and
so everyday shall be Ignatian exercise for the rest of my life, trying
to follow in His footsteps with you all. Praying with you, thank you.
Week
28: Jesus knew from back in His days how incredibly resistant
are His followers to His guidance, even when His guidance will save
them from disaster or death! Thousands of bible stories are stories
of pride and an ever patient, forgiving Father who will keep calling
and inviting the faithful to His guidance. To this day,
it’s the same God nagging us still, to come and follow Him!
And Jesus calls the same “proud and self-focused” believer!
But thank God, it is both our human weakness and human strength to
long for peace, to want answers, to do what is right in this life,
and even right the wrong, and so, we search for guidance. On this Christ’s
Passion season, let us not pass up the opportunity to dwell on ourselves
as Jesus calls us to “soften our hearts” and maybe even
“soften our minds” since it is “no brainer”
to realize that in order to fall in love with Jesus, we have to come
closer to Him, know Him and follow Him. Pride and selfishness
were all the reasons Jesus carried that cross and died. Let us not
pass up the opportunity to focus on our pride and selfishness these
coming days. But as we self-focus, let’s stay close to Jesus
for His guidance through His Word and His invitation to, “do
this in memory of me!”
During the 28th week, in
the praying in the Garden, Jesus said," if there is no other way and
I must suffer, I will still do what you want." this meant for
me how deep God's love for us is and Jesus's trust and love for God
is. The Station of the Cross and the photo of the drawing from
El Salvador helped me to meditate Jesus's passion more actually than
before. Especially when I meditated Jesus was whipped, beaten, mocked,
and stripped, I felt so helpless and angry and insulted.
I experienced the same feelings when watching the scenes that the
Iraqis was stripped and mocked, beaten by some of US army- through
they are enemies at war- on tv.
Now brutality of the terror and war, many innocent deaths is
connected with Jesus's suffering. As little students hostaged
by terrorist in Russian school were suffering from fear without food
and water, l surely acknowledg that Jesus was suffering with them
there because of love.
Thank you for the beautiful reflections
for this week. I have been reading two stations a day, because that
is all I can handle. I am overcome with emotion at the depth of his
total self giving love. There really are no words to describe how I
feel when I contemplate on the stations. The reflections have aided
in my understanding and contemplation in a way that is new. Always moved
by the passion, and feeling great sorrow for what Jesus went through
is nothing new to me, but I never took this so personally before. He
did this for me. I experience His passion through the actual passion
and through the passion scenes of my own life experiences .
I saw Christ crucified in situations in my own family and friends ,acquaintances,
and strangers. The brutality of war, the loss of life, and the
daily Calvary of humanity is somehow connected with Christs suffering.
We are not alone in our suffering , He is there . He has gone before
us to lead us to himself in these circumstances.
I really am speechless , and can't articulate how God could humbly subject
himself to every kind of insult, pain, and abandonment that Jesus did
for me. It is the most beautiful love offering for eternity.
I pray for all who are and will join in Christs sufferings, that we
may always turn to the one in three trinity for heavenly support to
guide us onward to our true home. God please come to my assistance. Week
28
The reflections for the Twenty-eighth
Week of the Retreat were focused on the events around the Passion
and the actual Stations of the Cross. The Thirteenth Station in
the provided online version has the line "He has fallen into God's hands".
This line meant so much to me as I read it. Throughout all of
the events associated with the Passion, Jesus had to ultimately surrender
to God. From His praying in the Garden that the Father's will
be done to His actually accepting the injustice given Him at His trail
and the carrying of the instrument of His death, Jesus had to choose
to let this occur. He was constantly surrendering to His all loving
Father. Little by little he fell into the hands of God in each of these
steps so that when ultimately He breathed His last he totally fell into
the hands of God. The word 'falling' implies that one has let
go and is not directing the movement. Jesus as well as we need
to let go and trust God's plan. What a marvelous reception awaited
Jesus as he let Himself fall into the hands of God - the God that loved
Him so much that he raised him from the dead and glorified Him forever.
Week 28: I'm doing the Stations
of the Cross this week. I've haven't wanted to do them in the past--it's
too painful to see so much suffering and to think that it is for my
sake. I am uncomfortable looking at the consequences of evil--the suffering
and the agony. It makes me want to look away, to concede that I'm helpless
to make a difference, to change anything. But this week I felt drawn
to the Stations of the Cross for these very reasons and I wondered what
would happen to me as I did them.
I am finding that what is important is to be present with Jesus as he
suffers--to offer my love and my presence, my sadness at his pain--and
that it is enough. I am there with him. And because of this I think
that I may learn to be present with others who suffer because of evil-
I may learn not to allow the consequences of evil to make me feel helpless
and impotent. I don't want to turn away, or to go away. Maybe just being
present with love and compassion is enough.
I was most struck this week by
two things:The first was a comment in the Stations of The Cross that
accompanied this weeks readings. In the past when I am praying
over Simon’s forced assistance to Jesus, I have focused on Simon’s
heart and soul. Herein, the contemplation that accompanies the station
comments about the suffering Jesus may have endured by needing help.
This is an important insight I had not considered. Jesus had to
overcome the temptations associated with guilt and shame during this
encounter. In the gospels Jesus always seemed to be in control, but
here he is helpless. This encounter must have been one more nail
in the mental suffering of His crucifixion experience. Furthermore,
it must have also hurt Jesus to cause another person to suffer for him.
This must have been especially difficult for Jesus when his mental state
was so fragile from the torture. He had to overcome temptations concerning
an injustice against him and Simon as he took on the burden our sins.
The second thing that struck me this week was the horrifying picture
I had on my desktop all week. I could not wait to get rid of this picture
of two partially naked and tortured women with their hands wired behind
their backs. Looking at the picture, I spent the entire week realizing
that at every minute of every day some…many persons are being
tortured and abused. I know that as I sit here at my computer in my
nice home some poor souls are hungry and lonely in some dark, prison
hole; some other poor souls are being tortured; some other poor souls
are starving; others are being sexually abused, and others mentally
abused. The constant reminder of this is unpleasant, but it did help
me see Christ’s pain and made me more socially responsible.
I pray that the death of Our Lord and the Holy Spirit he unveiled by
means of his death will comfort these persons. I am humbled by the brutality
of my species. It is only through Christ’s example that I find
any hope that the cruel ones will overcome their twisted values and
find peace as did St. Paul.
O my goodness, How I abhor violence and witnessing
such cruelty as the 'passion' pictures from El Salvador! As I am a passenger
in the car driving along the autumn freeway on a most magnificent day
in Perth West Australia I contemplate the pain and sacrifice and cruelty
on this day. Your presence is nearby, Dear Lord!
Week 28 has challenged me as I meditate
on Christ's suffering in his passion. I cringe as I read the scriptures
and I hold back from entering fully into the meditations as I realize
you were dragging my sins to the cross. To enter into your sufferings,
even in my imagination, is overwhelming. What fear you must have
felt. What a temptation it must have been to use your power to
avoid the pain. How alone you must have felt as your friends deserted
you. Forgive me Lord Jesus for those times when I have been ungrateful
for your sacrifice for me; for the times I have denied you and deserted
you. Thank you Lord Jesus for your forgiveness and thank you for
your great love.
Thank you for this wonderful site,
I found it by the grace of God. I have a disability and have not been
out of my home since October, waiting for a ramp to be built for my
electric wheelchair, I think it will be soon. I have missed going to
Mass although I watch it on TV. This site has given me a way to make
a retreat that otherwise would be impossible, the Stations of the Cross
are also a blessing and help me feel more connected to the Body of Christ.
I have chosen to begin the retreat on week 28 since I feel a
deep connection to the rhythm of the liturgical year . Thank you, thank
you and God bless you!
Week 29
Week 29:
My thoughts have been scattered this week. Crucifixion, gore, grace, sorrow, gratitude, others, me.
The readings here and elsewhere have helped me be aware of how easy I put myself in the center of need and exclude others.
Reality. The reality of Jesus' teaching, suffering, and death for us, for me. All this for others and for me.
I realize how minor what I consider slights to me; the miniscule "suffering" I experience because of others.
Most of the time since the early 70's I have avoided watching TV and/or reading news of war, disasters, torture, and murders.
When I have, whether fact or fiction, the content disrupts my psyche. I worry. I am drenched in fear. I have not improved in this area. Jesus felt the stress, the cruelty, and the pain and he continued to trust the Father. That is a call to me. Trust. Jesus could have stayed home and never started his ministry. Can I venture out and trust?
Age is sweet in many ways. Sad in others. I pray that I can accept age as Jesus accepted his suffering. That I can trust in God.
As I reflect, I believe the grace for me this week has been realizing the power of trust. Jesus modeled trust in God.
--Joe
Week 29: I find it quite easy to run away from the Cross. I don't find
it easy to be with the crowd jeering although I can recognise them.
But I'm moved this week when I put myself with Mary and the small band
of supporters. I let the phrase "this is for me" penetrate.
I resist the temptation to ask "Why me?". As Dietrich Bonhoeffer
phrased it, "The liberating ting about Good Friday and Easter is
that one's thoughts turn far away from one's personal life, suffering
and everything that happens, and one clings to a great hope". Each
day I pray the prayer of St Frances de Sales, "Lord, I give you
this day. I give you all the good I will do and I promise to accept
for the sake of your love all the difficulties I will encounter. Lord,
my life is in your hands. Please let this day give you praise."
Often ask myself if I can avoid the difficulties. Now I understand at
a deeper level why I must accept them.
Week
29: The death of Christ on the Cross-I pondered and prayed
this image all week. Memories came to mind of the many times this image
was forced on me as a child – with arrogance. Pounded into me
was the teaching that suffering was good for me. This died today.
Catherine of
Siena uses the image of a gentle mirror to describe Jesus’ death
on the cross. THIS is the only way I can approach the cross –
leaning into it, into the sacred heart of blood and water, the compassionate
heart broken open where I dwell – like the beloved disciple
leaning on Jesus’ breast at the last
supper. I draw sustenance from the heart and breast of this man of
gentle strength, who remained faithful to his mission of gathering
all of humanity into the Father’s heart.
-- Anita
Week
29: Lord, As I look at you lifeless I am standing beside Thomas
... we see you wounded ... lanced ... now all is quiet and I wonder
like Thomas ... was it worth it? I try to make sense of it. How can
this be our promise? How could this be for me?
Dreams of greatness ... promise ... winning ... crucified ... finally
lanced through.
Then I think of the word "freedom". What does this mean here?
I see freedom from impediments ... my sins ... freedom for ... victims
of war ... freedom from poverty ... violence.
But I cannot accept the helplessness ... yes I believe intellectually
but with Thomas I go away to understand some more.
Then I visit with Thomas the upper room. As he plunges his fingers into
Jesus' side he realises that yes this was for me and yes this is for
freedom ... but freedom is transformed ... it's not my power that will
win ... but my powerlessness; not my smarts ... but mercy flowing from
Jesus on the Cross.
Lord, be with me in these areas of my life where I am powerless. Through
your mercy flowing through me ... let them be transformed.
Week 29: When I was young I always imagined that Jesus actually had magical powers,
and this enabled him to endure the suffering on the cross easier than
us mere mortals could have done. However as an adult I realise that
he was sent by his father as a mere human. Therefore he suffered the
same pain that we would suffer if that was done to us. As human's our
natural instinct to run away from danger, surely Jesus must have felt
like this as he walked along carrying the cross. When the nails were
driven through his hands the pain must have been as excruciating for
him as it would be for us. I hope that understanding the pain that Jesus
suffered, enables me to appreciate better what Jesus did for us - hopefully
it will inspire me to suffer a little bit of pain for God.
-- Alan, Belfast
greetings from nell on tweed. the
end of week 29. and again i am short of words. as i
wrestle with the images and concepts of Calvary. i could feel the pieta
grief of a mother and the devastating love of a mother for an adult
son. but still i seem a little lost and seem to be missing an understanding
that others seem to have. i would take longer over the week - but life
dont go that way. death comes when it comes and i think i will miss
even more of the sense of this if i dont go with the rhythm of the retreat
as it is presented . the only words which come to my mind are some i
read which said ONLY A SUFFERING GOD WILL DO. love to you all.
-- Nell.
I see myself as Joseph of Arimathea.
Oh how difficult that final Council of Jewish Leaders had been. I had
tried to argue along with Nicodemus that there was no evidence to convict
this man Jesus. Actually, it wasn’t just that there was no evidence.
For some time I felt myself attracted to his teachings. Yes he challenged
me to the core. Were my beliefs and what I was doing really consistent
with the God of Creation whom we worshipped? Were my practices really
self-serving? There is so much need around me... yet I go by it each
day. I am very good at finding the intellectual argument that prevents
action. I am very good about thinking about my own desires first …
sometimes these are banal … other times quite profound. But nevertheless
I ignore God’s call to love those around me. In
the Council, this became even more apparent. Rather than leap to his
defense by going to the core of the argument and why we were really
here … because all of us felt the same challenge, I let Caiaphas
remind us of the pragmatism of our case. I got into pragmatic arguments.
It was easy to lose and frankly the Council also stirred up quite
a bit of emotion among those outside. I became afraid. I saw the potential
for ridicule. Worse, I saw the potential to lose my comfortable position.
I caved in and supported the rest of the Council.But it bothered
me. I contrasted the Man we ridiculed and allowed to be cruelly beaten
with the Man I observed … the Man who engaged children …
the Man who reached out to the poor and outcasts … the Man who
transformed lives. Then I went out with everyone else to the place
where the crucifixion was taking place. Most of the onlookers were
curious. Some of them, including some of my colleagues from Council,
continued to ridicule Jesus. But most of us just watched from a distance.
Even from far away I could see what terrible agony he was in. All
of us could see. Most people were repelled by this sight. We came
to realize that he did not deserve this. We are torturing to death
a man just because he loved and because of that challenged us. This
is too much. Too much pain and most people went away sickened and
determined to forget. The crowd had gotten out of hand. Tomorrow hopefully
we can get back to normal. But I know there
is no normality now. As the crowd departs I get closer to the Cross.
I see His mother there with a few more women and one of his disciples.
I see how lovingly he still talks to his mother and how in her grief
she looks at Him and understands what he is doing even though she
clearly grieves for him. I see him forgive one of the terrorists who
are crucified with him and I see how finally he gives himself up totally
to God the Father. At that moment,
I knew I had to change. I went to see Nicodemus who had not bothered
to go to the hill. He was so upset. We went together to Pilate’s
office but I went in and asked for the body. By this time I did not
care what anyone else in Council said. I may have been too late to
save him but I am determined tomorrow will not be a return to “normalcy”.
Nicodemus and I go back to the hill and help the women extract his
tortured and beaten body from the cross. We hastily clean it and wrap
it in cloth. Nicodemus has brought some burial spices. Probably this
is not enough, but we must respect Him and we need out of that respect
to bury him before the Passover is to begin. There is an empty tomb
close by and at least we know we can bury him there at least for the
short run. The women follow us … still grieving.As I place him
in the tomb I allow his mother to kiss him one final time. I see the
love in her eyes. I talk with her. I tell her that I am sorry. I should
have done more. Then she quietly tells me … speaking still in
her grief … that she appreciates this but I should know that
this was not in vain … this was for me. So that is how
I became his disciple. No more pragmatism … no more selfishness
… God will work through me … even though these patterns
are difficult to change. I in turn will live first to serve God …
love God … returning his great love for me. God will help me
complete whatever mission he has for me. There is no shortage of people
needing his love.
Much as I have tried I cannot fathom
Jesus being crucified. How could he have stood being nailed to a cross.
If you have ever experienced a deep cut or a stab wound can you possibly
imagine having a nail driven throuh your hand!!
It is truly mind boggling. And all so we have a chance to someday
join him.
As I read again the sufferings
of Jesus, suddenly the thought of how heavy that cross must have been
- carrying the sins of the world on His shoulders! Though Mary, the
mother of Jesus and our mother, was not carrying a wooden cross as her
son Jesus, the cross she carried must have been just as heavy - watching
the sufferings of her only son, Jesus. Realizing all the sufferings
Jesus endured for my sins causes me to never want to stumble again,
but because I am merely a human, not yet perfect, I know there may be
times when I will stumble. Like Jesus, each time we stumble, we must
get up and keep going until we come into the fullness of life and are
in heaven with Jesus, Mary, and all the saints who persevered to the
very beginning of the end. Week 29 and continuing.
Week Twenty-nine of the Retreat called us to reflect upon the death of Jesus. Thinking
about not only the moment of the death of Jesus but also the feelings
that must have come in the moments, hours, and days after his death
caused me to think about the feelings and thoughts that I have had surrounding
the death of some special people. I was particularly remembering
the calling hours and funerals of a retired Bishop of my Diocese and
of some priests who have passed from this world. I thought of
their lifeless hands in the coffin that had accomplished a mission and
how those hands had administered the sacraments and blessings in life
but would no longer do so in this world. I thought of the tender
moment when I laid my hand on the cold lifeless hand that a few years
earlier was laid on me in the Sacrament of Confirmation. As I
ponder this, I recognize that while there is a sense of sadness, there
is also the fact that these people touched my life in ways that continue
on. They fulfilled their mission that God gave them in life by
bringing Christ to me and countless others. The effects of their
lived mission will spread on through time in this world and into the
next. It makes me wonder if those who had known Jesus in His earthly
life were not only saddened but also somewhat glad and joyful that He
had touched them in this life in many ways. What He had done in life
did not die with His earthly body but laid the foundation for the future
of countless people.
Week 29: The readings for
this week incorporated more aspects of Jesus’ torture, but I mentally
did not. Last week I focused on the abuse, but this week I unconsciously
separated the death and dying from the victimization. I needed this
I think because it added dignity to death and brought peace. I think
Jesus, Mary, and John were able to let go of the abuse and see the transition
of death. In Christ’s case, the peace of death is particularly
beautiful since he died for my redemption. And as the blood of redemption
and the water of baptism flow from his side I am awed that by dying
he triumphed over death.
Week 29, and I feel lost.
Not lost to the Lord, but in the sense that I have to wonder why I continue
to worry so. If my faith were strong, worry would be a thing of the
past. Yet here I am, and here it is. The ‘end’ of this retreat
is but a few weeks away for me, and I am only beginning. In 1983 I started
using a little book titled “My Daily Bread” by Anthony Paone,
SJ. You read one short chapter each day. That book leaves me feeling
as I do now. I have been through the book many times since then, and
each time, as I approach the end, I know I must begin again. I have
so far to go on my faith journey. I am not sure what I will do when
I reach the last week of this retreat, but I know that I must do it
again some time. Reflecting on Christ’s death, as we do this week,
leaves me all the more confounded with myself. I know what He has done
for me. How can doubt and fear remain? But they do. I pray this week,
as always, for an increased faith and for diminished doubt and fear.
The contemplation is certainly deepening
my awareness of God's presence in my daily activities! I
was dozing in my favourite lounge chair after a hard day's night and
a favourite piece of music St. Matthew's Passion by Bach lifted me into
the background and foreground of the passion of Christ. I felt
a distinct gift of peace in the knowledge that the good lord has
given us a powerful means through music to reach him in prayer. PRAISE
GOD !!!!
In week 29 I ponder the meaning of Christ's
crucifixion and realize that I cannot grasp the depth of His love for
me and the Father's love for me. All I can do is sit in awe and gratitude
and try to soak in this love. His love is greater than my sinfulness.
The wounds I have inflicted on my own soul through my sin, the wounds
inflicted on my soul through the sins and thoughtlessness of others
- these are all healed. He bore these on the Cross! It's
too much for me to comprehend!
I printed out the text of the Stations of
the Cross (29) and took them to church on Good Friday afternoon.
The phrase "This is for me" resounded throughout my prayer. This retreat
led me to realize all this happened to a friend rather than to a distant
historical figure. I was left with an immense feeling of gratitude.
As we enter this Easter season, I hope my awareness of this friendship
continues to grow.
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