Avoiding the Clichés of Grief
Cliché: “You must be strong for your children (spouse, relatives, friends, etc).”
Instead, try: Why not share your feelings with your children? Perhaps you can lean on one another and help support each other.
Cliché: “You’ve got to get hold of yourself.”
Instead, try: “It must be so hard to keep going when you’re hurting so much.”
Cliché: “You are holding up so well.”
Instead, try: “Would it help to talk about how you’re feeling?”
Cliché: “Time will heal.”
Instead, try: “You must feel as if this pain will never end.”
Cliché: “You’re young, and you will be able to make a new life for yourself.”
Instead, try: “You must miss your loved one and the life you had together; I do, too.”
What to Say | What Not to Say |
| I’m sorry. | I understand how you feel. |
| I’m sad for you. | Death was a blessing. |
| How are you doing with all this? | It was God’s will. |
| I don’t know why it happened. | It all happened for the best. |
| What can I do for you? | You’re still young. |
| I’m here and I want to listen. | You have your whole life ahead of you. |
| Please tell me what you are feeling. | You can have other children. |
| This must be hard for you. | You can always remarry. |
| What’s the hardest part for you? | Call me when I can help. |
| I’ll call tomorrow. | Something good will come of this. |
| You must really be hurting. | At least you have another child. |
| It isn’t fair, is it? | She/he led a full life. |
| You must really feel angry. | It’s time to put it behind you. |
| Take all the time you need. | Be strong! |
Courtesy, Archdiocese of Omaha, Family Life Office