Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him?
In today’s Gospel reading, Peter approaches Jesus with a question about forgiving his brother. I imagine a sense of exasperation in Peter’s voice as he asks, in essence, “How long do I have to put up with him?” The brother is not named, but perhaps it was Andrew, Peter’s biological brother who also was one of the Twelve, or perhaps it was one of the other disciples who was a spiritual brother. What was to be forgiven also is not named, so we don’t know if this is a minor annoyance or something much more serious.
As I prepared for this reflection – perhaps because these verses were on my mind – I was attuned to interactions between siblings. I watched two sisters, now in their thirties, rehash the same arguments they had in their teens, even to the point that they argued beforehand about how the other would behave the following day: “You always do that!” I heard a man of retirement age recount how his sister gets mad at him for things he hadn’t said, but she was sure he was thinking them because he had “that look.” I encountered a family in which siblings in their sixties no longer speak or attend the same gatherings because of a perception that one had received favorable treatment. (Fans of the Smothers Brothers may recall Tommy proclaiming, “Mom always liked you best!”) Looking through family photos, I remembered my grandmother, in her mid-80s, still holding a grudge against a younger brother who broke her favorite toy when she was 5 and he was 3.
We get angry, frustrated and anxious at perceived slights, anticipated offenses, and revisited hurts. Our envy/jealousy causes us to catalog the number of times that a brother or sister received something we wanted or wasn’t punished as severely as we thought they should be. (Remind anyone of the Prodigal Son’s older brother?) Our perception may cause us to think we are in the right, allowing us to justify our words and actions; and then, failing to consider their side, we get angrier because they won’t apologize or show remorse. (I am reminded that no one is a villain in their own story.) If we are not careful, bitterness and resentment build. The thought of forgiveness may not even occur to us even as our relationships are damaged.
So when Peter asked his question, Jesus understood how much had built up over the years. He understood how keeping a list of grievances makes the list keeper miserable and promotes disharmony and division. How many times? Jesus told him (and us): Stop keeping track and just forgive. Jesus, through parable, reminded Peter (and us) that God has forgiven us more times than we can count, certainly more than we deserve. God loves us in spite of our shortcomings. Extend that same grace, mercy and love to those close to you.
David Crawford
I was Creighton’s University Archivist from January 2007 to April 2021, although as a faculty spouse I had been a part of the Creighton community since 1995. As University Archivist, I was responsible for archival, rare books and special collections, as well as for a Heritage Edition of The Saint John’s Bible on loan to Creighton. I left Creighton to assist others with historical, archival, cultural and various artistic projects.
I have been married to my wife, Sue, since 1990. We have two sons, one a graduate of Fordham and the other a graduate of University of Nebraska-Lincoln. I enjoy birdwatching, playing soccer, music and comedy.
The online Daily Reflections have been an important part of my faith journey for several years. I am excited and humbled by the opportunity to write these devotions.
