Online Retreat - Week 19

Get­ting start­ed this week is easy. Every one of us has had some sort of expe­ri­ence of leav­ing home, of respond­ing to a call, of hav­ing to leave some­thing or some­one behind to jour­ney in fideli­ty to who we are. So let­ting Jesus show us his depar­ture from Nazareth for the riv­er Jor­dan will be easy, if we let our imag­i­na­tions be informed by our own expe­ri­ence. Try to take this first part of our week’s con­tem­pla­tion and let it be the grace we pray for as we step out of bed each morn¬ing. Use words to help shape the day’s reflec­tion: “Lord, show me what led you to leave your home in Nazareth for your very pub­lic min­istry. I so want to know you and grow in love for your way of respond­ing to your mis­sion. Show me what you want to show me about the jour­ney of your heart. I want to lis­ten today.”

By the mid­dle of the week we will be ready to con­tem­plate the bap­tism. The scene is sim­ple, but the dra­ma is tremen­dous. Think about it and imag­ine it enough to let it have the pow­er it can have. If we love Jesus, we have to have some feel­ing about watch­ing him approach this bap­tism. He doesn’t need to do this. He could say to God, “I have not sinned; I don’t need to do this act of repen­tance. I’m not like those peo­ple enter­ing that water.” But, of course, that is not his response to God’s call that he become one with us. We can allow our­selves to be caught up in feel­ings of awe and appre­ci­a­tion and joy for him as he comes to the free­dom of this bap­tism. We can let our­selves be touched by what his bap­tism means for us.

Each morn­ing we can ask for the graces we need: “Lord, let me be there as you enter into the waters of bap­tism with me and for me. You are won­der­ful and I love you. I so want to be with you and togeth­er with you in your mis­sion. Give me what I need this week to sur­ren­der more and more for God’s glo­ry and the sal­va­tion of my soul.”

Each evening, we can spend a brief moment speak­ing to our Lord in our own words. We express our grat­i­tude. We share some image that touch­es us. We tell him about how some moment in our day became dif­fer­ent because we were con­tem­plat­ing this jour­ney of his life this week.

When­ev­er we feel the desire for deep­er graces, we can make the triple prayer to Mary, Jesus, and God the Father, as was out­lined two weeks ago. Use the prayer help “In These or Sim­i­lar Words …” to help with the expres­sions of inti­mate prayer that can help us own the graces of this week.

A reflec­tion by Fr. Lar­ry Gillick, SJ

We are pray­ing this week with two sen­si­tive and fright­en­ing expe­ri­ences in the life of Jesus and sub­se­quent­ly in our own lives. One is the cel­e­bra­tion and reflec­tion on the bap­tism of Jesus. In the Exer­cis­es, Ignatius would have us first watch Jesus leave his home and his moth­er. This scene is not in Scrip­ture, but Ignatius can­not pic­ture Jesus casu­al­ly and cal­lous­ly mov­ing out with­out a ten­der scene of separation.

Jesus will ask his own dis­ci­ples to leave every­thing, includ­ing their father and their boats. Ignatius too had to leave his fam­i­ly and home and knew the ten­sion that is caused by the call of Jesus to leave every­thing to fol­low him.

Free­dom does not mean heart­less­ness or insen­si­tiv­i­ty. He came to enheart­en us so that his joy may be com­plete in our joy. Is look­ing back allowed? Are long­ing and lov­ing allowed in being com­pan­ions with Jesus? As fol­low­ers, we are called not to live com­pul­sive­ly obsessed. We are invit­ed to be ded­i­cat­ed not dead­i­cat­ed. We watch with rev­er­ence the ten­der scene of Jesus kiss­ing his moth­er and per­haps lin­ger­ing and look­ing back at his moth­er, whose tears begin her son’s bap­tismal jour­ney. She had said, “Let it be done,” and now it is begin­ning to be done.

We are then encour­aged, when it is right for each of us, to watch and lis­ten to the ordi­na­tion­al bap­tism of Jesus. He hears who he is to his Father and has his own per­son­al prayer and dis­cern­ment blessed as well. He humbly accepts both the pour­ing of water by John and the procla­ma­tion that he is now pub­licly known to be the Anoint­ed, the Christ. He has received the gifts of the three kings at his birth. He has received his self-aware­ness in his own prayer. He now receives con­fir­ma­tion to be the beloved ser­vant from his Father to his people.

We lis­ten, we watch, and we reflect on his dig­ni­ty, his des­tiny, and his own trust in both. Ignatius asks us to turn toward our­selves and reflect on our hav­ing been bap­tized into that same dig­ni­ty, des­tiny, and — yes — aware­ness of whom each of us is. To be bathed in Christ is to be immersed in his being ser­vant of God’s peo­ple and con­firmed as beloved of his Father.

In this one week of con­sid­er­a­tions, we move from ten­der­ness to trem­bling­ness because of the fright­en­ing dig­ni­ty we receive by being one with him. We trem­ble as well when we con­sid­er our des­tiny as ser­vants. We might find our­selves stand­ing on the bank of the riv­er of his bap­tism and want­i­ng to check it out or talk it over with Jesus, who is accept­ing who he is while turn­ing to us ten­der­ly. Does he say, “Come on in; the water’s fine?” Does he under­stand our timid­i­ty, our valid ques­tions about his future and our own?

Jesus is bap­tized and begins tak­ing his life very per­son­al­ly and seri­ous­ly. Ignatius asks us to move in that direc­tion as well. Jesus did not know where this would lead him; we do not know either, except we do know that he will lead us. Ten­der timid­i­ty is our sense of self as we begin to immerse our­selves into Christ.

Dear Jesus,
So many things touch me this week as I watch you. How did you ever leave home? I know how much your moth­er meant to you and that you lived with her in a home filled with great love. How did you hear the call from God for some­thing more in your life? How did your “yes” feel inside when you prayed and knew you were being called to become one of us in such an inti­mate way?

I watch you leave home and walk off toward the riv­er in the dis­tance. It was so painful to leave home. You knew it was right, but that didn’t make it easy. And what were you walk­ing toward? Were you afraid of the uncer­tain­ty that faced you? Did you won­der exact­ly how this would all end up?

I see you on the river­bank watch­ing John bap­tize the oth­ers. They are prayer­ful and deeply moved by these bap­tisms. At their bap­tisms, some of the peo­ple are qui­et, and some are exhil­a­rat­ed. All of them have been moved to join with God in a new and deep­er way. I see you watch their faces as they emerge, wet with water, shin­ing with joy. Your love for each of them is so clear. You sit and pray for each of them with such a deep con­nec­tion and love.

And then you join them.

You wade into the water where John is stand­ing. He is sur­prised and resists, but only a word from you con­vinces him that this is right. He holds you and I watch as you are plunged into the dark­ness under the water. What is it like for you to be in that dark­ness, that cold­ness, eyes closed? With your birth you have joined us as part of the human­i­ty in this world. Now with this bap­tism, you have joined in our sin­ful­ness. What can that pos­si­bly mean?

Then your head comes up from the dark­ness in the water and I see the same joy shin­ing on your face. You throw your head back, fling­ing water, and laugh out loud for pure happi¬ness. John joins you in laugh­ing, not know­ing exact­ly why but know­ing that he loves you. You turn and walk to the river­bank toward me and pull your­self up to sit next to me. I love to look at the joy on your face. You ask me if I want to join you in the waters.

Oh, Jesus, no. I’m too afraid. I want so much to be with you, to join you in this mis­sion of yours. But I’m not wor­thy. I’m not good enough. Gen­tly, you take my hand and talk with me about my fears. What was the phrase in “For the Jour­ney” this week? “Ten­der timid­i­ty.” I feel the incred­i­ble strength and dig­ni­ty of your pres­ence next to me. Just because you want so much to be near me, Jesus, I feel less afraid.

What is it, Jesus, that makes me so afraid? If I take the plunge in my life, as you have, and accept this bap­tism, what does it mean for my life? How will my life be turned upside down? What will I have to leave that now feels so at home? Maybe what scares me most are the ques­tions, What if I fail? and What if God is ask­ing me to do more than I am capa­ble of?

Still hold­ing my hand, you ask me whether I can feel the love God has for me, the love you have for me. Yes, I can. But the fear is still there. I’m not wor­thy. I look into your face and see the love and friend­ship you have for me. I see that I am wor­thy just because of your love. Maybe I always think of myself as unwor­thy around you because it keeps me from get­ting too close. If I tell myself I’m not wor­thy to be with you, then I avoid the invi­ta­tion from you that can change (and dis­rupt) my life. Keep­ing myself at a dis­tance from you, Jesus, means that I can’t hear you as clearly.

That isn’t what I want. I don’t want to be dis­tant from you any­more. Over these past weeks and months I have grown so close to you. I feel the strength of your pres­ence and know that I want to go with you, to be with you in your life, and to have you with me in mine.

Thank you for the love and friend­ship you give to me. Thank you for car­ing so much for me.

“He saw the sky open.” Mark 1:9-11

“This is how it should be.” Matthew 3:13-17

“While every­one else was being bap­tized, Jesus him­self was bap­tized.” Luke 3:21-22

“You will see the Spir­it come down and stay on some­one.” John 1:26-34

“He gave every­thing … when he became one of us.” Philip­pi­ans 2:1-11

“Don’t you know that all who share in Christ Jesus by being bap­tized also share in his death?” Romans 6:3-11 

A Prayer to Begin Each Day

“Make us Ser­vants of your Gospel in the World” Inter­ces­sions, Morn­ing Prayer, Bap­tism of the Lord

“Send Forth Your Spir­it Upon Us.” Inter­ces­sions, Evening Prayer, Bap­tism of the Lord

Freed and For­giv­en A hymn

Week 19 print­able guide