Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy.

One of the spiritual practices I have found very helpful, not just during Lent, but every day, is to journal on my day.  There is something pivotal about remembering what God has done in our lives.  In the difficult times in our life of faith, when our prayer feels dry, or we feel somehow disconnected from God, we tend to feel in those times a sense of spiritual diminishment. 

One of the challenging things about the human condition is we can be our own worst critics.  I know I can.  Moments when we can feel these self-doubt messages that we aren’t good enough, smart enough, and lovable enough, instead of just resting in the God given truth of our many gifts and our own awesomeness.  Too often, the bad stuff about us instead of the good stuff is easier to believe.  You ever notice that? 

Upon reflection and praying on the readings and Gospel story for today, I went searching for all these messages in my head that I was no Derek Jeter (former player for the New York Yankees) and people knew it.  On the field, classmates would chant, “hey Beausoleil, you got it?  You got it?  Ah, he ain’t got it.”  At bat, people would yell ‘hey, Beausoleil is up – everyone move closer,” as well as catcall “hey, batter, batter swing.”

Pre-occupied with worry about these messages and then replaying them over and over in my mind constantly I found myself ‘at bat’ during gym glass one day, with two strikes already against me, in fear and ready to bat a third time.  Eyes closed and hands way choked up on the bat, all of the sudden, a fellow student ran up behind me, and ‘pantsed’ (pulled down my gym shorts) me.  After a moment of flustering and fumbling, I regained my composure and pulled myself together.  Yet, interestingly because of the shock that just occurred, all of those negative messages of how horrible a softball player I was that were in my head were gone, no longer a part of me, and the pitcher pitched, I swung, and praise be, I hit a triple. 
God showed me a different way.  So, how our life has unfolded and how we can see the golden thread of the consolations of God interwoven in all of the tapestry of our life’s experience.  In taking the time to pray our faith story, it can help to notice experiences and people that led me to a deeper sense of faith hope and love.  As we go through our days, it can be immensely helpful at the end of each day to notice where we have seen God’s blessings and God’s invitations.

I love to keep a journal because it helps me to remember significant moments in my experience with God.  When I am struggling in a time of spiritual desolation I can go back to my journals, re-read them, and be reminded of the ways that God is working in my life.  And as we remember and hold onto what is most important, it deepens in us as we share it with others.  It is in community, with close friends and family that we can come to know the gifts God has given us even more deeply, and for these things, may we all give thanks.  

If we truly let the Lord’s love into our hearts, indeed, we will never hunger for more.  The choice then is always for conversion, a turning away from attitudes that promote self-hatred, and turning toward embracing the more exciting possibility of how deeply God truly and divinely loves us.  The good news that Jesus shocks us with today, and if you think about it, every day is the reality that we are loved immensely and perfectly with a divine love that is always and forever for us resurrected.  Jesus calls to each one of us, as he shares this great good news, and asks each one of us, “Hey, you got it?  You got it?  Yeah, you got it!  GOOD!  For, it’s only love after all!