There is much drama in the gospel reading today, and for good reason. We are getting deep into the Passion and the final hours of the humanly life of Jesus are coming to an end. Most of us are pretty familiar with the story, and in particular the betrayals that take place. The most obvious is Judas. He is usually viewed as a disciple who turned against Jesus and handed him over in exchange for money. The story also tells of Simon Peter who also betrays Jesus, but in a different way – a kind of disassociation betrayal.

As I read the story over and over I found myself seeing it through a different set of eyes. I began to recognize the fear in both Judas and Peter and how that fear became the main driver of their actions. And, I began to see myself in both of them. As uncomfortable as this was (and still is) I began to soften my previously critical opinions of both men, but especially Judas.

Judas was originally chosen by Jesus to be one of his closest companions. Jesus obviously must have seen something in Judas that maybe he himself could not even see – a goodness and even a trustedness. After all, Judas was the one who handled the money for the group (as mentioned in today’s story). And, it is important to note that Judas accepted Jesus’ invitation and said “yes” to being one of his followers. But, there must have been another stirring tugging at Judas as he continued his journey with Jesus – that being the larger influence of society and the powerful people of the day. The conflict and disruption that Jesus caused to the status quo was threatening to the church and government, which most certainly must have been felt by Judas and the other disciples. Judas was scared. He was scared of the collective momentum mounting against Jesus and he gave in to the social pressures of going along with the crowd.

As I continued to re-read the story I found myself thinking of all the ways that I go along with the crowd, the collective momentum of our current times, rather than holding my ground and standing for what is right. I think about the times when I work too many hours for the supposed good of the organization and miss the connection time I should have spent with my family. I think about the times when I am in a hurry and ignore the person on the street corner asking for help. I think about the times I spend looking at my phone while waiting in line at the grocery store rather than being present to those around me. I think about the times I take my dog for a walk and only think about past events rather than listening to the birds sing. It is easy to label Judas as a traitor and to say he “put false gods” ahead of Jesus by taking the money and handing him over. But, how many times have I done that in my lifetime. False gods come in all forms, shapes, and sizes.

Judas plays an obvious and important role in the Passion story. But, we may not want to see him as only the guy who betrayed Jesus and handed him over to be killed. He may also be teaching us an important lesson about ourselves. Judas was afraid. But, we are all afraid, insecure, and somewhat broken. But, we are also unfinished works in progress who are loved by a God who suffers with us in our brokenness.

The gospel today tells the story of two disciples who betray Jesus, but each in their own way and each resulting in a much different ending. Judas’ betrayal ends with him taking his own life. Peter’s, however, ends with him realizing his actions, but moving on with even greater conviction than before. Maybe an important message from today’s story is about recognizing and accepting our fears, wrong-doings, and betrayals and at the same time choosing not to give up on our path forward. Judas succumbed to his fears and the social pressures of the situation that surrounded him which caused him to make a bad decision (admittedly a really bad decision). But, maybe worse still was his decision to give up on himself and his path forward in faith with God. I have read this gospel story many times. But, today the message I heard was, “Don’t give up on your journey because God will always be there to love you, forgive you, and encourage you to continue your path forward in faith.”