When I was a boy, I grew up in a small rural town in Iowa and attended St. Lawrence Catholic School. The school was associated with St. Lawrence Catholic Parish, and the church and school sat next to each other in the middle of a neighborhood in my town. Sometime around fourth grade, I became a mass server (altar boy, acolyte) which continued until the end of my eighth-grade year. For many of those years, I was assigned to serve funeral masses, most of which took place during usual school hours. I would get out of class, make my way across the parking lot, serve the funeral mass, and return to class. Even though my hometown was small, I didn’t know most of the deceased parish members or the family and friends who attended those funerals. The most poignant memory I have from those experiences is a song that was sung at nearly every funeral mass I experienced as a boy. The song was “I Am the Bread of Life,” written by Sr. Suzanne Toolan.

Many of you may remember and know this song. It is based on the gospel reading from today (John 6:35-40) and is said to have been translated into over 25 languages across the world. It is a beautiful song and perfect for funerals because it gives such comfort and hope and tells us that eternal life with God is real—especially at a time when we need to hear that message the most. Unfortunately, as a young boy, I didn’t see it that way. I grew to dislike that song a great deal because every time I heard it, people were crying and suffering. Rather than associating “I Am the Bread of Life” with great hope, I connected it was great sadness. I even asked my family not to sing the song when our dad passed away when I was 30. So, when I saw that I was asked to write a reflection on John’s Gospel for today, I was apprehensive. Yet, I had the opportunity to write a reflection in the third week of Easter about a message full of hope and goodness—and a wonderful musical representation of the resurrection, if there ever was one.

To help calm my apprehension, I did a little research about “I Am the Bread of Life” and found something very interesting (and very helpful for me personally). According to an article published online in 2012 by the Archdiocese of Baltimore, Sr. Suzanne wrote the song in 1966 while teaching at a Catholic girls' high school in California. Sr. Suzanne told the Catholic News Service in an interview that she was initially unhappy with the song and actually tore it up and threw it in the waste basket. But then, Sr. Suzanne said, “And this little girl came out of the infirmary and said, ‘What was that? That was beautiful!’ I went right back and Scotch-taped it up.” What an amazing and wonderful story on its own! And it got me thinking…if Sr. Suzanne took a second look at “I Am the Bread of Life,” then maybe I can too.

The memories of serving funeral masses as a boy will always be there, and I cannot change those experiences. But want I can do is pay attention to the presence of God during those times of difficulty. After much reflection on today's gospel, I can now see that singing “I Am the Bread of Life” at those funerals was an experience with God during a time of great suffering. God was not distant but actually closer than I realized. Reflecting on this gospel has made me think about all the times I may have felt like God was distant but was actually closer than I realized. I am grateful for making the time to reflect on today’s gospel because it reminds me that even in times of great difficulty, God is always near, even if I cannot see it that way at the moment. For some reason, many things seem clearer with a second look. I think I am going to find “I Am the Bread of Life” online and play it in memory of my dad.

"I Am the Bread of Life" - music and lyrics