Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt. So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart." - Matthew

As I meditated on this harsh mandate to forgive OR ELSE, the image of a triangle came to mind as a model of how the forgiveness process work.

Suddenly I realized that every forgiveness transaction involves three parties -- the person who has been wronged, the one who has done the wrong and God who award consequences. After judging the case.  

Jesus, who forgave so many sins, could not abide those who failed this basic test. That’s why he (in the personage of the master) punished the unforgiving servant harshly while he forgave the woman who committed adultery, corrupt tax collectors and the like.

This triangular understanding of forgiveness can be frightening if you view God as a harsh judge or comforting if you think of God as a merciful parent who knows our limits as we try to forgive.  

As one often struggles with forgiveness, I take the comforting view.

God understands our emotions that impede our ability to decide to forgive. While we can’t just rid ourselves of such emotions, we can try to override them by turning them over to God.

It’s also comforting to realize that when we have made a good faith effort to make amends, God is in charge regardless of what the other party does.

Successful examples of forgiving others and taking responsibility for our offenses can assist us.
At my brother’s recent 50th anniversary vow renewal, I was reminded that most forgiveness transactions reflect the mundane difficulties of living with other people.

Instead of just repeating the promises they made 50 years ago, my brother and his wife told each other how much they still love each other and why. Then they both asked for forgiveness for problems they have caused in daily life and promised to try to do better with God’s help.

I’ve been thinking of ways to emulate their forgiveness model instead of clinging to my grievances and annoyances.  That’s the most important thing that the loving God at the apex of the forgiveness triangle demands or expects.