My mom is not the best at hanging up her phone at the end of a conversation. On a couple of occasions, thinking she had already disconnected, her various conversation partners have heard an unvarnished comment that my not be as generous and loving as she usually tries to be. This is one of my own biggest fears. In an age of many devices I always have to check my phone, my watch, and even my spouse’s devices, before I say something unfiltered in the privacy of our conversation.

This fixation on not being overheard has illuminated for me the difference between the inside and the outside of the cup of my own spirit. Today’s Gospel points my attention to this inconsistency. 

In the gospel Jesus challenges religious structures and their leaders who are obsessed with exterior purity, rather than the real interior holiness. This is where I want to jump to as well. I  think it is important to point out the hypocrisy in structures and people in powerful positions–to call one another to authenticity, humility and conversion. But I can’t invite others into a space I don’t already strive to occupy.

So what about me? Is there a time and place for blowing off steam about other people or circumstances? I believe it is ok to articulate frustration and disappointment, even indignation in prudent ways. But there is also a point for me when healthy venting can become uncharitable complaining, judgmentalism, or even ridicule. I have a responsibility to try to notice and tend to these things, and to tidy the interior of my spiritual cup. If I don’t these attitudes can erode and warp my inner self, so that the kindness, patience and generosity I show to others truly becomes a facade. Taking time to know the difference is a spiritual discipline I am still working on–and probably will be throughout my life. There certainly are, and will be, times when I fail. But I must not let those corrosive interior attitudes become habits, or to conflate truly uncharitable thoughts with healthy processing.

Does this mean I will never be able to offer a fair critique of structures and powers in the world–since I won’t ever have my own interior fully in order? I don’t think so. Striving matters more than perfection. It is important, even imperative, that we notice, name and call out sinful structures in the world. But if I find myself doing only that outside of myself, and neglecting my interior holiness, Jesus has good reason to call me back.