In the reading from Genesis, we hear about Noah and the conclusion of the great flood. The Psalm offers praise and thanksgiving for deliverance. In the Gospel, we hear an account of Jesus healing a blind man at Bethsaida.

In today’s passage from the flood narrative, I was struck by how human the depiction of God is (even to the point of God having a sense of smell). I also realize how much this story has permeated the culture in which I grew up. A few weeks ago, I was caught in a major storm in Houston. We had 5 inches of rain in a very short interval of time. When it finally stopped, I joked that perhaps we should send out a dove before venturing out ourselves.

I had real difficulty with today’s Gospel. I found myself asking why Jesus took the blind man away from the crowd while it was the crowd who brought him to Jesus. Along those same lines, I found myself wondering why Jesus told the cured man to go back home avoiding other people. Above all, I found myself asking why it took two steps for Jesus to cure the blind man. In an effort to gain a contemplative sense of this Gospel, I imagined myself in the roles of a crowd member (I imagine myself wondering what happened to the man after he left with Jesus.), of a disciple (I imagine myself with feelings of both awe and confusion.), and of the blind man (I imagine myself with a sense of gratitude and of wondering why one should avoid making public a cure that would be so obvious); none of these seemed to give me more insight to my questions. My issues are not made any clearer as I discover that the account of Jesus’ time in Bethsaida appears only in Mark’s Gospel.

For additional understanding, I turned to the commentaries on today’s Gospel. The remarks which I found brought up the importance of personal interaction with Jesus and suggested that the two-part healing paralleled the stages of the disciples’ progress toward faith (as opposed to the stagnation of the pharisees). I did not find these to be particularly satisfying explanations of Jesus’ actions.

I am someone who values understanding. My career development has molded me into a person who pushes to look deeper. It is frustrating when a satisfying answer does not seem to emerge. I admit that I have worked on projects where it took years to come to an answer (and I have not spent nearly that amount of time on these passages).

I am left today with some insight into myself rather than some insight into today’s readings. Things are the way that they are, and I need to live with that even if it means that sometimes I am not going to understand the details. Perhaps that is also an insight into my personal faith. When I look at the individuals participating in my faith community, I see those whose faith grows out of a profound experience and those whose faith grows out of an innate trust. I suffer from a mindset of a scientist. I have some experience that suggests a path toward God, but I also have things that raise doubts. As in my work, I adopt theories that seem to be a good bet to me, but I keep on testing these hypotheses and learning more. My hope is that new knowledge will continue to support these “beliefs”, but I do not experience the unshakeable faith that my parents and some of those around me seem to possess. This leads me to my prayer for the day.

Dear Lord,
Open my heart and my mind to the truth.
Rather than frustration with feeling that I have not discerned the ultimate answer,
Grant me satisfaction in participating in the process of an enlightening quest.