We are in the midst of wonderful holidays that bring families together in love and joy, cherishing each member of the family and always rejoicing in our warm familial bond.

OK, stop right there.  This isn’t fantasy but real life.

Our families are made up of real human beings, children, parents, siblings, in-laws, dear friends.  We love them, but they can be annoying, petulant, angry and confusing.

I suspect it’s been that way since humanity began.  Today we have an idealized and unreal view of holidays and family life promoted by movies, books, websites and advertising.  In those visions, families gather around candle-lit dinner tables and smile at each other while a perfect dinner is on the table.

But that just isn’t reality or human nature.  Unfortunately, we are not flawless.  All of us can be impatient, rude and unloving when we are not at our best – and we are not at our best every moment of every day.

Today, in St. Paul’s Letter to the Colossians, he seems to be well aware of the reality of human nature.  His words work well for the holidays – as well as the rest of the year.  Paul suggests that we focus on, “put on,” virtues that will help us get along with others.

As holy and beloved children of God, Paul calls us to “heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”  Wouldn’t every one of our family gatherings be better if we each put on those virtues? 

Wouldn’t each day be better?

Paul adds a special note about forgiveness, which I always think needs to come first.

How can we love if we don’t forgive?  I know there are times when I really want to hold on to my well-justified anger at someone.  Of course it’s well-justified!
But as my friend says, “Refusing to forgive is like eating rat poison and hoping the rat dies.”  Remaining stubbornly unforgiving does not help me in any way, and keeps me from the love, compassion, humility and patience that Paul recommends.

Paul’s list of qualities ends with, “over all of these, put on love.”  We can ask God, beg God, to give us the strength and gentleness we need to forgive so we can love each other more fully.

The Christmas season continues for two more weeks.  Perhaps as a new practice, we can start each morning with a prayer, asking God for the gentleness and forgiving heart we need to gather with our families. 

Loving God, help me to be more patient.   Help me not to keep score and remember old wrongs that hurt me deeply.  Give me a memory that forgets the injuries and vividly recalls the love I have for each person I will be with today.

Let me forgive as you have forgiven me.  Give me the grace today to love as you love me.